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Season 6 Discussion


Drogo
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22 minutes ago, Stacee said:

Her personality is pretty shitty too. I think what saves her is even when she says something really nasty, she's learned to smile so it doesn't seem as bad.

Yes, she bitched about everything then turned to Coltie, flashed him a gummy smile (ala “Corny”) and said “I love you” which was supposed to make everything okay.  

Maybe she’d be happier if she gets a Larissa snowwoman to add to the display. 

I did hear Debbie offer to put the slot machine in her bedroom if Larissa didn’t like it  

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14 minutes ago, poeticlicensed said:

I want to know what Kalani does for a living. 

 I have a sneaking suspicion she and her family consider her to be a “stay at home daughter,” a la the Duggers.

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On ‎11‎/‎3‎/‎2018 at 6:21 PM, Empress1 said:

They were at Reading Terminal Market. They showed the sign very clearly. (Are you from Philly?)

If I were Larissa, I'd be so pissed. Driving me around in 115-degree heat with no air conditioning (!) and then I get to live with your mother in a house with no couch. Awesome!

He gives me the vibe that he never left home, but I don't think they've said either way.

 

On ‎11‎/‎3‎/‎2018 at 8:22 PM, magemaud said:

I'm pretty sure they're in Reading Terminal Market

I didn't watch the preview 30 minute dealy, so I didn't see this until the full ep last night, and yes, I recognized Reading Terminal right away.  When they're walking in, you can see a tunnel in the background.  There's a Hotel above that tunnel that I have stayed in.  That hotel is connected to the Gallery, Convention Center, and Reading Terminal - it's really convenient and it was a nice hotel.  We were there to get to the passport office as soon as they opened in the morning - the State Department really screwed up our passport applications once, and we had a booked a non-refundable vacation to Canada, and we ended up having to go to the passport office (either NYC or Philly - we chose Philly because it was much easier) and because we got our senator involved, they gave us the passports after a few hour wait.  We ended up napping in our car, and setting alarms to re-feed the parking meter.  When someone said food court, I was envisioning the food court at the Crossings Outlet Mall in Tannersville, since I still think his "cabin" is at Shawnee Village Resort or Fernwood, both of which are nearby.

No, I'm not from Philly, but have family there (my great-grandparents fled Russia and landed in Philly) and spent a lot of summers there.  I only live about 3 hours away, so we still go down from time to time.

On ‎11‎/‎3‎/‎2018 at 9:12 PM, Armchair Critic said:

Does anybody know where he got the sandwich from? Please don't tell me he made that big of a deal of a sub from Subway, although that would fit in with Eric's cheapness.

16 hours ago, sconstant said:

No Subway (or any other chain) at Reading Terminal Market.  It's pretty awesome and well-curated.  But it's also not really where you'd go for a Canonical Tourist Cheesesteak either - you'd go to Pat's or Geno's.  Not that the ones at RTM aren't genuine, but if you're not there to eat because you're hungry but just to give everyone a taste of Phila. (hence the four way split) you'd go down to South Philly and grab one (or both) at Pat's or Geno's.

There are several cheesesteak places in the Terminal Market.  We prefer Geno's, but my cousins who live in Philly like another one better - I can't remember the name, but I would recognize the façade of the building immediately - it has an art deco look.  There was a place in the Terminal Market who was on a Food Network show as one of the best cheesesteaks, but I can't recall which one.

I won an award for this picture I took one night, and it remains my only photo to make an art gallery showing (it may be attached at the bottom - not sure how this site attaches photos):

 

 

On ‎11‎/‎3‎/‎2018 at 9:29 PM, Spike said:

Is that one of the Reading outlet malls?  If so, way to impress!

No.  The outlet at Reading is Vanity Fair, and that's about 2 hours from where they were in Philly.  Reading Terminal Market was the old Reading Railroad terminal, and it's a cool farmer's market type place.

 

2 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

Slot machine...lol...like that is the least of Larissa's worries.  That house looked like a rental situation, no sofa? That is odd unless the producers hands are in it.  Larissa should be concerned about the litter box in the bathroom and the fact it looked like they all shared that bathroom.  

I'm pretty sure that he said that his mom has a bathroom, and they have their own bathroom.  We have always kept our cat litter box in the bathroom (even when I was a kid) - doesn't seem odd to me.  I certainly wouldn't want it anyplace else in the house.  It looked to me that the box was clean and well kept.

4092057884_cc707990fe_z.jpg

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23 minutes ago, Stacee said:

 

Kalani's dad and people like him fucking bug me. They're the types to use the ladder and then pull it up behind themselves.

Among Pinoys I  have heard it described as the crab mentality as each crab pulls down his brother when trying to climb out of the  bucket 

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10 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

Colty introduces the Sister Wives

At the airport, Larissa receives a hug that reminded me of two magnets coming together with the same poles facing and quickly repelling each other.

  • Larissa: I can't survive here (fanning herself in the non-air-conditioned hoopty)
  • Colt: (With suppressed aggravation) Honey I need you to stop, okay?
  • Larissa: (smiling) I love you, what's the matter?
  • Colt: (coldly) I love you too. I appreciate you saying that. I just want to go home and enjoy time with you (aka make a semen deposit)

He's whining about getting home quickly but she's the one with the 24 hour flight. What a dork. He's psychic, though: "the largest barrier for us will be to learn living with my first wife." That's polygamy for you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Larissa enters their spartan, joyless house of dysfunction. Colt's first wife Debbie asks: "What do you think of Las Vegas?" Colt guffaws manically, and in a display of allegiance to Debbie, sets up Larissa for failure: "Ask HER!!!!" he sneers patronizingly, wasting no time to throw Larissa under the bus. The whole house "decor" is like that of a couple of summer student who are just there for a few months, and have invested zero time in making it a home - because they'll soon be gone. There is no sofa, only a couple of creepy, serial killer snowmen that will be telekinetically set off by Debbie to butcher Larissa in her sleep. The dining room is a small table from the late sixties, a corny old lady table cloth, a junky eyesore of a slot machine, and broken electronic equipment on the kitchen counter.
image.png.c757560d4d68ec7fc2558ed0dcca6cc3.png

Colt brazenly lies too, and tries to impress Larissa with how considerate and generous he is (when he is clearly neither), telling her that the house was deliberately kept empty so that she can pick a couch that she likes. As long as it's beige corduroy and under $50! Suddenly he spies Debbie's discomfited face, and gives himself away when he feels forced to add that Larissa is in fact going to pick her dream craigslist couch with Debbie...and perhaps realizing he just screwed up, also adds "and with me! All of us!" He looked at Larissa slyly, maybe to check if she fell for his transparent ploy.

Also lying like a pro, Debbie cries out "I'm so happy!" when her body language is shouting "I'm so depressed! Go back to Brazil, you undeserving ho." She uses her hands to dry her tears: palms, back of hands, and palms again, like skin is absorbent or something. Colt gives Mother a long, full body hug, as she nuzzles her face on his bosom, and he leans to give a tender kiss on her liver-spotted forehead.

Like me, Larissa is smiling at Debbie's dramatic and effective manipulation tactic; hopefully Larissa is picking up a few tips from Wife #1. "My mother and I have had OUR THING going so many years, now Larissa is here, but it's good." He doesn't sound all that sure that Larissa is a good thing, compared to that thing with Mother.

He gives Larissa a house tour. "So we have stairs... and a bathroom." A tiny bathroom that she'll share with her mother in law, two people that leave a mess of accessories on the counter, and cat litter on the floor. "This is our room" he continues, as she looks around Colt's bare, white walled dungeon.

As they previously discussed, Colt and Debbie sit close together at the table, and Larissa the unwelcome third wheel sits alone on the other side. Unwisely, Debbie asks Larissa what she thinks of their depressing, soul-sucking house of co-dependency, expecting undeserved compliments, like Larissa used to live in a mud hut that she had to rebuild every time it rained. Well, you're on notice: Larissa wants better, and she wants a pool. Mother mumbles more lies: "I block everything so you can decorate any way you want, I want to make you feel like it's your house." As she mouths off these words she doesn't mean, but feels obliged to say, he eyes swell with tears. We all know it's not decorated because they are misers and have zero taste and no concept of "home sweet home."

"Excellent!" joyfully thinks Larissa, let's first get rid of that off-putting, misplaced eyesore of a slot machine. She walks right into the trap. Again ganging up against her with his first wive, he announces sternly, as in a big FU: "My dad bought it for her." Larissa backtracks, and Colt doubles down and defends the abomination, revealing his own pathetic lack of taste: "it's cute, it's a toy, it's nice!" No Colt, it's an ugly piece of rubbish, move it up to Mother's bedroom if she's so attached to it.

Colt changes the subject, hoping perhaps to impress Larissa with his first wife's culinary talents, "You making dinner?". "It's ready!" she crows. "What did you cook, Debbie?" asks Larissa, hoping that if rat poison is an ingredient, Debbie might accidentally reveal it. "Bith phtew" announces the toothless crone. "When I'm hungry, I'll eat" Larissa decides. "You can have something else, you don't have to have that" offers Debbie, I'll put the phtew in the refrigerator." She looks down on the ground, her hatred for Larissa congealing like a hard mass of tallow over the rebuffing of the phtew. It was the right decision: the next day, Colt, with what looks like a toothpick, picks out the phtew out of a ramekin he keeps lifted up close to his mouth, grabbed in his fist. It looks like eyeballs in brown slime.

"I don't think I should have said anything about anything" weeps Debbie, missing the point that she should have moved out years ago and gotten her own place instead; and if it's Colt still living with mother, then he should have packed and left.

We see Colt ambling down the stairs with all the gracefulness of Frankenstein. "It was a disaster, one could say."

Debbie soon tries to rile up Colt against Larissa, calling her "not very nice, selfish, demanding" and lays out every trivial grievance at Colt's feet. To his credit, he's not biting much, and defends Larissa. Debbie refers to the house as HER HOUSE. Well, well, well! There goes all that fakery about making it Larissa's home. "Unless she changes, there's not gonna be a future for either one of them here."

When Larissa comes out of sulking in Colt's room, she makes breakfast, good-naturedly owning up to catfishing Colt about her culinary talents. Debbie comes down to eat, and lays down the rules of the game. The winner is the woman who debases herself the most to please Colt's every whim. He must have bacon and eggs for breakfast! He doesn't like bread! If he's got a favorite dish, then you'll have to learn it from me! But of course Larissa's versions of the dish will never be quite as good as that of dear mamma, and we viewers know that Colt isn't averse to bread after we've watched him rage-eat a colossal croissant.

Prognosis: a few months after the green card comes in. Colt's "high sex drive" is going to be a liability, not an asset. I trust that unlike other 90daytestants, Larissa knows how to use birth control, and that's a relief.

This is so perfect - exactly what I was thinking as I watched, right down to the eyeball stew!!

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7 minutes ago, PityFree said:

 What if there is a mummified corpse of Colt’s dad  in a closet in that condo with the same frozen smile on its face as those snowmen?

Where do you think we put the urn with his ashes?

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Steven is a total moron and I feel sad for that child. He had 9 months to scrape savings together to provide for his child. He could have been working multiple jobs. To not have any savings whatsoever, let alone be able to provide any kind of home for Olga and the kid, -- wtf are they planning to do?

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39 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Yes, she bitched about everything then turned to Coltie, flashed him a gummy smile (ala “Corny”) and said “I love you” which was supposed to make everything okay.  

She smiled about everything, even through the awkwardness with the dad-bought-that-slot-machine.  As if she was just unable to play along, or as if Colty had told her what a mess mom is and has told her just to nod and they'll laugh about it later together.  

Edited by sconstant
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31 minutes ago, funky-rat said:

There are several cheesesteak places in the Terminal Market.  We prefer Geno's, but my cousins who live in Philly like another one better - I can't remember the name, but I would recognize the façade of the building immediately - it has an art deco look.  There was a place in the Terminal Market who was on a Food Network show as one of the best cheesesteaks, but I can't recall which one.

Jim's on South Street.

To return this to 90 Day discussion - while they had a nice establishing shot of city hall and the art museum steps, they showed Family Eric and Leida in two places exactly: outside on the street very near Reading Terminal Market, and in RTM.  Options are: (a) they went to Philadelphia for a real visit, but the camera crew had a very limited timeslot and so didn't follow them elsewhere, or (b) they spent 30 minutes in Philadelphia.  I am betting (b).  Sigh.

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7 minutes ago, LilaFowler said:

Steven is a total moron and I feel sad for that child. He had 9 months to scrape savings together to provide for his child. He could have been working multiple jobs. To not have any savings whatsoever, let alone be able to provide any kind of home for Olga and the kid, -- wtf are they planning to do?

Olga, too. How is she paying rent on apartment? She must have a job.  

Not a SINGLE diaper in sight!

 

oh, Pole and his 20 trunks full of goodies! You are so missed! 

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13 hours ago, Chalby said:

I feel the opposite - more hope for the Russian couple and less for Mr. Jamaica. I question a poor son whose only trait to brag about, is his Dad's ability to bed women. The fact that 'bedding lots of women' results in 'lots of respect' for his Dad, tells me this family is low class.

Was Papa ladykiller driving a cab?

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2 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

And boy was she clear about it when she defiantly declared that it was HER house, towards the end of the show.

Colt brings very little to the table to this marriage. Rather, he brings a lot of serious, worrying handicaps. He's fat and shaped like a giant spindle, has prominent moobs, no fashion sense, is very homely, extraordinarily cheap, and lives with a Motherwife in a small house that reeks of low life motivation and low energy - and he wants lots and lots of sex. He's the total package of NOPE.

She's bringing a hot bod, gorgeous face, a cheerful personality, rocking heels and dresses, use (and overuse, apparently) of her vajayjay, and maybe half of her DNA and rental space in her uterus if they have children. She's light years out of his league.

Larissa seems genuinely willing to make a go at it, but she is making the conditions very clear in order for him to make up for his vast deficiencies. The conditions include a car with AC, a bigger house, a pool, in a better city (probably a long and complicated plane trip away from Debbie, especially after seeing what she's like). If he can provide this, it's going to take enough of the "NOPE" away. Is Larissa being transactional? Of course! But then so was Colt when he dangled a green card and chose a woman for her looks alone out of a catalogue.

He is cheap and poor.  I honestly think they are poor!

Las  Vegas is a middle class desert city.

There is nothing there but the Strip.

I think Larissa and Colt are seeing how far their online games go.  I think they are still both in shock in their abilities.  Larissa really got herself to America and Colt pulled in a Brazilian babe! Now, they are on TV!

 I see no chemistry.   Both in it for what they can get out of each other.

 

There is no furniture, no clothes in the closet and a pantry stacked with Family Size beef stew.

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54 minutes ago, funky-rat said:

 

I didn't watch the preview 30 minute dealy, so I didn't see this until the full ep last night, and yes, I recognized Reading Terminal right away.  When they're walking in, you can see a tunnel in the background.  There's a Hotel above that tunnel that I have stayed in.  That hotel is connected to the Gallery, Convention Center, and Reading Terminal - it's really convenient and it was a nice hotel.  We were there to get to the passport office as soon as they opened in the morning - the State Department really screwed up our passport applications once, and we had a booked a non-refundable vacation to Canada, and we ended up having to go to the passport office (either NYC or Philly - we chose Philly because it was much easier) and because we got our senator involved, they gave us the passports after a few hour wait.  We ended up napping in our car, and setting alarms to re-feed the parking meter.  When someone said food court, I was envisioning the food court at the Crossings Outlet Mall in Tannersville, since I still think his "cabin" is at Shawnee Village Resort or Fernwood, both of which are nearby.

No, I'm not from Philly, but have family there (my great-grandparents fled Russia and landed in Philly) and spent a lot of summers there.  I only live about 3 hours away, so we still go down from time to time.

There are several cheesesteak places in the Terminal Market.  We prefer Geno's, but my cousins who live in Philly like another one better - I can't remember the name, but I would recognize the façade of the building immediately - it has an art deco look.  There was a place in the Terminal Market who was on a Food Network show as one of the best cheesesteaks, but I can't recall which one.

I won an award for this picture I took one night, and it remains my only photo to make an art gallery showing (it may be attached at the bottom - not sure how this site attaches photos):

 

 

No.  The outlet at Reading is Vanity Fair, and that's about 2 hours from where they were in Philly.  Reading Terminal Market was the old Reading Railroad terminal, and it's a cool farmer's market type place.

 

I'm pretty sure that he said that his mom has a bathroom, and they have their own bathroom.  We have always kept our cat litter box in the bathroom (even when I was a kid) - doesn't seem odd to me.  I certainly wouldn't want it anyplace else in the house.  It looked to me that the box was clean and well kept.

4092057884_cc707990fe_z.jpg

I stayed with a couple who kept their litter box in the bathroom.  The cats would kick the litter out of the box.  When you stepped out of the shower with wet feet it would stick to the bottom of your feet.  If possible a basement is a good place for it.

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11 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

He takes her to a dingy, grey, dirty food court packed with sketchy people with their faces blurred out. He proudly returns with a single 12" hoagie in a plastic bag that they are all going to share.

The food court cheese steak was by far my favorite moment. Leida, I'm sorry your ex is such a deadbeat that he doesn't want to support your kid and evidently doesn't care that you're carting him halfway across the world to live with a stranger, but that doesn't give you the right to begrudge someone else's child support. Leida wants her new husband to pay only to raise her kid and not his own. Right.

Leida's father seeming so unaccustomed to international travel adds to my suspicion that they're not as rich as they've been made out to be.

24 minutes ago, Dance4Life said:

Olga, too. How is she paying rent on apartment? She must have a job.  

IIRC, she is still a college student.

Asuelu is by far my favorite this season and possibly ever. Seeing him judged for being a parent that dares to want to be in his child's life is maddening.

I'm scared Larissa might end up an ingredient in the next batch of "beef" stew if she keeps insulting the cats.

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5 minutes ago, Spike said:

I stayed with a couple who kept their litter box in the bathroom.  The cats would kick the litter out of the box.  When you stepped out of the shower with wet feet it would stick to the bottom of your feet.  If possible a basement is a good place for it.

We don't have a basement - we live in a mobile home.  Most people I know keep their box in the bathroom.  Makes for easy scooping, and it's the most logical place.  But even so, you need to keep it where the cats have privacy, and easy access.  Many are persnickety, and may not like having to trapse all the way down to a basement to go potty.  If the cat is a digger, then you get a litter mat at the entrance.  We use the Tidy Cat Breeze - the pellets don't scatter like clay or sand litter.  And it shouldn't be near the shower.  Just my two cents as a life long fur kid mom.

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13 hours ago, Drogo said:

Can anyone explain to me why Oliver's father thinks he can be Oliver's father?

Asking for my friend, Kolonics.

It does not matter one iota what Asuelu does/says. Family Kalani have already made up their minds and one way or another they want Asuelu on the next plane back to Samoa.

12 hours ago, Gigglepuff said:

Kalani telling her family that she lost her virginity with Asuelu = me telling my mother that I was only holding a package of cigarettes for my friend. Only I was 16. And my mother didn't buy it. 

This made me laugh out loud. Kalani's full of shit, as well as being a case of arrested development to the nth degree. She acts like a teenager. When she's not acting like Asuelu's "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed" teacher.

12 hours ago, islandgal140 said:

There is not a scintilla of guile or deceitfulness about Asuleu. 

I really hate that Kalani sits there like a big pile of hair and doesn't try to defend or stand up for him. She really is like Chantel. She feeds her family all this shit about him and sits back and acts like a put upon victim stuck in the middle when she put herself and Asuleu in that position to begin with. 

Exactly. Straight out of Chantel's playbook. She's just as childish and petulant as Chantel too. Nicer hair, but that's it. I suppose next week we'll get to enjoy her browbeating Asuelu to go hang out with her father and sister, who hate him, so they can "get to know each other".

4 hours ago, poeticlicensed said:

If parents Leida are so loaded, then why wouldn't they and Leida do with many rich people from other countries do and invest in purchasing a place for Leida to live? Why is leida so bent out of shape about what amounts to a few hundred dollars a month in CS if she is rolling in dough? It really bugs me that someone so rich and successful doesn't bring any assets to the table and expects to be taken care of financially? After all isn't she an actress, model slash doctor? 

Because Leida's parents are not loaded. They might be comfortable, but they ain't wealthy. Leida and Eric are going to be delicious to watch because each one won the other under totally false pretenses. Leida thinks Eric is a well established man with a solid upper middle class life. HAHAHAHAHA. And Eric thinks Leida is a "traditional woman" who will come here with her pockets full of cash, which she will dutifully place in the family coffers. HAHAHAHAHAHA

2 hours ago, magemaud said:

Oh, NOW I get it! Those snowpeople are Colt and Mother. 

Oh my god. Shudder.

1 hour ago, Cementhead said:

Asuelo is so boyishly sweet and so full of wonder -- "Look!  A tree!  What is the name of this tree?"  -- that I honestly don't know how Kalani was able to have sex with him.  He just seems so very boyish and so immature (in the most charming of ways) that there is no way in hell would I have been interested in doing the Deed with him.  Sure, I would have greatly enjoyed collecting sea shells with him along the beaches of Samoa, whilst he regaled me with tales of his people and his traditions, but there is no way I could have hit the sheets with this kid.  I hope he manages to get himself back home to his happy place full of coconuts and sarongs before Captain Lou and the 2 Linebackers with (all the) Hair eat him for family dinner. 

Oh I can see it. Kalani was bewitched by the moonlight, the soft ocean breezes, the simple, uncomplicated island man. I bet Asuelu has a few tricks up his, um, sarong. I was not immune to the charms of a younger man, once upon a time. Though one never knocked me up. Furthermore, insecure and inexperienced Kalani (this may be the third or fourth time she's "lost her virginity", but she is no sophisticated woman of the world who knows what she wants and how to get it), would be able to have the upper hand at least in some things. We've seen how she talks down to Asuelu. He was fine company on his home turf. On hers, he's an embarrassment to her.

35 minutes ago, sconstant said:

Kolani's dad says: "When I first meet my daughter's fiance, I'm going to kind of feel him out, see what path he wants to take.  Hopefully he's humble, kind, you know, a friendly person.  Not a jackass."

Guess what, Dad!  At that dinner table, there IS going to be a humble, kind, friendly person.   Plot twist: also at that table, there will be a jackass.

Hoo boy, Father Kolani was about as subtle as a hammer to the face. Feel him out? He came out swinging! What an asshole.

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11 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

"Bith phtew" announces the toothless crone.

Gahhhh i'm dead!

 

12 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

Eric's crooked wooden peg teeth. With Leida's parents arrival, the daily hoagie is going to have to be split 6-ways. She's extraordinarily selfish, but I trust Eric will read her the riot act.

 

howled. Yes! Exactly what they look like!

 

6 hours ago, millennium said:

Captain Lou:  "Why don't you put on a pair of pants, Asuelo?  We wear pants in America.   What's you're wearing just isn't right."

Asuelo:  No, it's sarong.

 

ahahahaha

 

6 hours ago, Alonzo Mosely FBI said:

Alas, I am akin to Auselo I've been living innocently on a happy island of gentle breezes in my windowless FBI lab where I do not get why "skinnz" refers to numbers of sexual conquests. Lil' help? 

Hitting the skin means sex. Skinnz is just an invented spelling. It is a reference to sex.

 

4 hours ago, lucy711 said:

I'm not a fan of the decor in Colt's house either.  Large snowmen and slot machines don't do it for me. But it was nothing short of rude and tacky for Larissa to say that a few minutes after walking in the door.  She must really need a green card and Colt must really need sex.

I'm trying to recall exactly what she said to Debbie and what she said in her talking head. Talking shit in a TH is fair game imo bc the viewers rely on these insights. I think she said the city was ugly and hot. And she expressed confusion about the slot machine? Saying she'd eat when she was hungry did come off as very rude but I suspect that was more of a language barrier kind of thing. IDk why I am defending her. Maybe bc she is really in an impossible situation?

 

4 hours ago, poeticlicensed said:

If parents Leida are so loaded, then why wouldn't they and Leida do with many rich people from other countries do and invest in purchasing a place for Leida to live? Why is leida so bent out of shape about what amounts to a few hundred dollars a month in CS if she is rolling in dough? It really bugs me that someone so rich and successful doesn't bring any assets to the table and expects to be taken care of financially? After all isn't she an actress, model slash doctor? 

I think bc they feel it is the man's responsibility to provide that.

 

1 hour ago, magemaud said:

I did hear Debbie offer to put the slot machine in her bedroom if Larissa didn’t like it  

I did not hear her offer that. But I was thinking that would be a reasonable compromise. 

 

1 hour ago, PityFree said:

Oh gawd.... you made my mind go here: “Look! A hole! What is the name of this hole? Oh look! My penis! Why does it grow?”

Hilarious!

That backwards simpleton act is so off putting and weird! I think Kalani is beyond mortified now that that umbrella cocktail goggles are off.

 

1 hour ago, Stacee said:

They're the types to use the ladder and then pull it up behind themselves.

Like it hide it so the next person can't use it?

 

1 hour ago, islandgal140 said:

I got admit the Larissa/Colt/Mother scenes are so ridiculously awkward and surreal that they almost come off as a SNL sketch to me. I find myself thinking that Larissa is John Leguizamo and half anticipating he is about to snatch off his wig at any moment. 

john_leguizamo.jpg

OMG, I can't!!

 

30 minutes ago, LaChavalina said:

Leida's father seeming so unaccustomed to international travel adds to my suspicion that they're not as rich as they've been made out to be.

What did he do wrong?

Edited by eatsleep
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I didn't find Jon's friend to be a snake in the grass like some of you did. I thought she was being genuinely kind.

I did feel bad for Fernanda. I know how hard it is to be so far from home, so young; especially when you are questioning the relationship that is the reason you are so far from home.

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I look forward to how things will inevitably look five years from now when Asuelu is married to his lovely, diminutive second wife, and they have custody of Oliver. Why? Because Granddad is a rage freak who thinks with his fists!

And sister Kalani is equally bitchy, sitting there, seething with hatred. Why? Because Kalani lied on the man she loved? Nooo... because she hates the sight of a father bonding with his son! Seriously, WTF? Family Chantel is watching this thinking, "What a group of mean-spirited S.O.B. people! Watch and take notes..." Sister Kalani can't let go of it. Something tells me that they don't let go of things so easily in that family! "Remember how you stole my chalk when we played hopscotch when we were four? I do!"

 

Colt, what's the deal? Is your mom still giving you sponge baths? Fess up! Share that stuff! Just get it out on the table, now! Colt's mom was shameless about honing in for the physical affection from her son. Who would you rather hug? Gorgeous babe whom you haven't seen in months or weepy gray puddle over there? Ugh. Such blatant manipulation! And, it's working! My sympathies are still with the gold digger, and that's no easy thing for me to say because my dad had three of them clinging to him at once at one point when he was in his eighties. Not a fan of them. But, Larissa is at least close to Colt in age.  Be kind to her, Colt. See what happens.

Gorgeous babe will win out because of sex.  Again, fighting for Colt will make him worth more to her.  But she's way out of his league and needs to move on! Have a baby with him though because your clock is ticking. Crazy Debbie might actually make a decent grandma. She's a fool to fight with her future DIL. Should have made a friend instead. Then Debbie would have two friends. Her and Colt. And Cookie Dough the cat. Three friends.

 

I'm hoping against hope for the pregnant Russian chick and her irresponsible boyfriend! They've both had troublesome childhoods, but that can produce a deep bond between them. Looks like it already has! And again, I really like his Deadhead grandparents! They seem very loving, and I have a hunch that Olga... that's her name, Olga, she's going to soak up that love like a sponge. Even if it doesn't work out between her and the waiter, the grandparents can be a rock for her and the baby. Something tells me she will appreciate it and work hard. I can envision her living in the house with the baby and Skater Waiter off doing his own thing, seriously. From what I've seen so far, Olga seems like the type who would stay rooted and care for them as they continued to age. It could be very, very good for her, and maybe for him, too, if he shapes up. He's not a bad guy, just damaged. He's trying hard, and I give him a lot of credit for that. Even if he doesn't come around to fatherhood immediately, he might get the knack of it eventually... not the best thing for the kid, but better than nothing. 

Typing fast taking animals to the vet... too autobiographical I know. 

Edited by CoachWristletJen
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13 hours ago, Major Bigtime said:

Kalani’s family members are bad.

Colt’s choice for a wife is bad.

I no longer like the Jamaican guy, he’s bad.

Eric is doomed. Does he have all his teeth? 

The Russian and blonde guy are the only ones I like at this point. 

And my likes and dislikes change every time I watch this shitshow. 

I didn't like the Jamaican guy and his bimbette the minute they started talking about "what if you meet someone and they're fat, or gross? That's such a turnoff." Or something to that effect. They deserve each other.

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1 hour ago, PityFree said:

 

 What if there is a mummified corpse of Colt’s dad  in a closet in that condo with the same frozen smile on its face as those snowmen?

 

What if Coltie Father is INSIDE the slot machine! 

24 minutes ago, eatsleep said:
2 hours ago, magemaud said:

I did hear Debbie offer to put the slot machine in her bedroom if Larissa didn’t like it  

I did not hear her offer that. But I was thinking that would be a reasonable compromise. 

I think Larissa said it when she was first surveying the room, before she expressed her disapproval 

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12 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

Colty introduces the Sister Wives

At the airport, Larissa receives a hug that reminded me of two magnets coming together with the same poles facing and quickly repelling each other.

  • Larissa: I can't survive here (fanning herself in the non-air-conditioned hoopty)
  • Colt: (With suppressed aggravation) Honey I need you to stop, okay?
  • Larissa: (smiling) I love you, what's the matter?
  • Colt: (coldly) I love you too. I appreciate you saying that. I just want to go home and enjoy time with you (aka make a semen deposit)

He's whining about getting home quickly but she's the one with the 24 hour flight. What a dork. He's psychic, though: "the largest barrier for us will be to learn living with my first wife." That's polygamy for you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Larissa enters their spartan, joyless house of dysfunction. Colt's first wife Debbie asks: "What do you think of Las Vegas?" Colt guffaws manically, and in a display of allegiance to Debbie, sets up Larissa for failure: "Ask HER!!!!" he sneers patronizingly, wasting no time to throw Larissa under the bus. The whole house "decor" is like that of a couple of summer student who are just there for a few months, and have invested zero time in making it a home - because they'll soon be gone. There is no sofa, only a couple of creepy, serial killer snowmen that will be telekinetically set off by Debbie to butcher Larissa in her sleep. The dining room is a small table from the late sixties, a corny old lady table cloth, a junky eyesore of a slot machine, and broken electronic equipment on the kitchen counter.
image.png.c757560d4d68ec7fc2558ed0dcca6cc3.png

Colt brazenly lies too, and tries to impress Larissa with how considerate and generous he is (when he is clearly neither), telling her that the house was deliberately kept empty so that she can pick a couch that she likes. As long as it's beige corduroy and under $50! Suddenly he spies Debbie's discomfited face, and gives himself away when he feels forced to add that Larissa is in fact going to pick her dream craigslist couch with Debbie...and perhaps realizing he just screwed up, also adds "and with me! All of us!" He looked at Larissa slyly, maybe to check if she fell for his transparent ploy.

Also lying like a pro, Debbie cries out "I'm so happy!" when her body language is shouting "I'm so depressed! Go back to Brazil, you undeserving ho." She uses her hands to dry her tears: palms, back of hands, and palms again, like skin is absorbent or something. Colt gives Mother a long, full body hug, as she nuzzles her face on his bosom, and he leans to give a tender kiss on her liver-spotted forehead.

Like me, Larissa is smiling at Debbie's dramatic and effective manipulation tactic; hopefully Larissa is picking up a few tips from Wife #1. "My mother and I have had OUR THING going so many years, now Larissa is here, but it's good." He doesn't sound all that sure that Larissa is a good thing, compared to that thing with Mother.

He gives Larissa a house tour. "So we have stairs... and a bathroom." A tiny bathroom that she'll share with her mother in law, two people that leave a mess of accessories on the counter, and cat litter on the floor. "This is our room" he continues, as she looks around Colt's bare, white walled dungeon.

As they previously discussed, Colt and Debbie sit close together at the table, and Larissa the unwelcome third wheel sits alone on the other side. Unwisely, Debbie asks Larissa what she thinks of their depressing, soul-sucking house of co-dependency, expecting undeserved compliments, like Larissa used to live in a mud hut that she had to rebuild every time it rained. Well, you're on notice: Larissa wants better, and she wants a pool. Mother mumbles more lies: "I block everything so you can decorate any way you want, I want to make you feel like it's your house." As she mouths off these words she doesn't mean, but feels obliged to say, he eyes swell with tears. We all know it's not decorated because they are misers and have zero taste and no concept of "home sweet home."

"Excellent!" joyfully thinks Larissa, let's first get rid of that off-putting, misplaced eyesore of a slot machine. She walks right into the trap. Again ganging up against her with his first wive, he announces sternly, as in a big FU: "My dad bought it for her." Larissa backtracks, and Colt doubles down and defends the abomination, revealing his own pathetic lack of taste: "it's cute, it's a toy, it's nice!" No Colt, it's an ugly piece of rubbish, move it up to Mother's bedroom if she's so attached to it.

Colt changes the subject, hoping perhaps to impress Larissa with his first wife's culinary talents, "You making dinner?". "It's ready!" she crows. "What did you cook, Debbie?" asks Larissa, hoping that if rat poison is an ingredient, Debbie might accidentally reveal it. "Bith phtew" announces the toothless crone. "When I'm hungry, I'll eat" Larissa decides. "You can have something else, you don't have to have that" offers Debbie, I'll put the phtew in the refrigerator." She looks down on the ground, her hatred for Larissa congealing like a hard mass of tallow over the rebuffing of the phtew. It was the right decision: the next day, Colt, with what looks like a toothpick, picks out the phtew out of a ramekin he keeps lifted up close to his mouth, grabbed in his fist. It looks like eyeballs in brown slime.

"I don't think I should have said anything about anything" weeps Debbie, missing the point that she should have moved out years ago and gotten her own place instead; and if it's Colt still living with mother, then he should have packed and left.

We see Colt ambling down the stairs with all the gracefulness of Frankenstein. "It was a disaster, one could say."

Debbie soon tries to rile up Colt against Larissa, calling her "not very nice, selfish, demanding" and lays out every trivial grievance at Colt's feet. To his credit, he's not biting much, and defends Larissa. Debbie refers to the house as HER HOUSE. Well, well, well! There goes all that fakery about making it Larissa's home. "Unless she changes, there's not gonna be a future for either one of them here."

When Larissa comes out of sulking in Colt's room, she makes breakfast, good-naturedly owning up to catfishing Colt about her culinary talents. Debbie comes down to eat, and lays down the rules of the game. The winner is the woman who debases herself the most to please Colt's every whim. He must have bacon and eggs for breakfast! He doesn't like bread! If he's got a favorite dish, then you'll have to learn it from me! But of course Larissa's versions of the dish will never be quite as good as that of dear mamma, and we viewers know that Colt isn't averse to bread after we've watched him rage-eat a colossal croissant.

Prognosis: a few months after the green card comes in. Colt's "high sex drive" is going to be a liability, not an asset. I trust that unlike other 90daytestants, Larissa knows how to use birth control, and that's a relief.

I actually feel bad for Debbie. It's clear her world revolves around Colt.  Now, whether that's healthy or not -- that's not the issue. It is the way things are.  I believe she (unlike Larissa) at least tried to be welcoming.

I don't know why they live such a spartan life, but if it's because money is tight (or Colt is stringy with the purse strings), no wonder Debbie was hurt/offended by Larissa thumbing her nose up at the house and decorations.

Debbie probably never thought she'd have to share her son with anyone.  Again, not healthy, but it's what she now has to overcome.

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2 hours ago, Cementhead said:

Asuelo is so boyishly sweet and so full of wonder -- "Look!  A tree!  What is the name of this tree?"  -- that I honestly don't know how Kalani was able to have sex with him.  He just seems so very boyish and so immature (in the most charming of ways) that there is no way in hell would I have been interested in doing the Deed with him.  Sure, I would have greatly enjoyed collecting sea shells with him along the beaches of Samoa, whilst he regaled me with tales of his people and his traditions, but there is no way I could have hit the sheets with this kid.  I hope he manages to get himself back home to his happy place full of coconuts and sarongs before Captain Lou and the 2 Linebackers with (all the) Hair eat him for family dinner. 

In his own country he may have shown confidence.  and he's adorable so it must have worked.  

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Quote

Oh, NOW I get it! Those snowpeople are Colt and Mother. 

Plot twist. Mother practices the dark arts and those snow people are former fiancees who tried to supplant her. No one can replace Mother! 

2 hours ago, Cementhead said:

Asuelo is so boyishly sweet and so full of wonder -- "Look!  A tree!  What is the name of this tree?"  -- that I honestly don't know how Kalani was able to have sex with him.  He just seems so very boyish and so immature (in the most charming of ways) that there is no way in hell would I have been interested in doing the Deed with him.  Sure, I would have greatly enjoyed collecting sea shells with him along the beaches of Samoa, whilst he regaled me with tales of his people and his traditions, but there is no way I could have hit the sheets with this kid.  I hope he manages to get himself back home to his happy place full of coconuts and sarongs before Captain Lou and the 2 Linebackers with (all the) Hair eat him for family dinner. 

 

2 hours ago, PityFree said:

Oh gawd.... you made my mind go here: “Look! A hole! What is the name of this hole? Oh look! My penis! Why does it grow?”

I really like Asuelu but as a potential sexual partner?!?! Nope. nope. nope.  He kinda has the voice of a sweet, simple cartoon character. Oh gawd, I really hope he isn't a talker during sex.

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Just now, islandgal140 said:

Plot twist. Mother practices the dark arts and those snow people are former fiancees who tried to supplant her. No one can replace Mother! 

 

I really like Asuelu but as a potential sexual partner?!?! Nope. nope. nope.  He kinda has the voice of a sweet, simple cartoon character. Oh gawd, I really hope he isn't a talker during sex.

Oh that feels so goody mama!

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13 minutes ago, islandgal140 said:

really like Asuelu but as a potential sexual partner?!?! Nope. nope. nope.  He kinda has the voice of a sweet, simple cartoon character. Oh gawd, I really hope he isn't a talker during sex.

Well that sounds like a topic for our star-spangled reunion/tell-all host, Shawn Robinson can bring up!  JKLOL She won't have time because they have to get to a commercial break.

Does anyone think Mother Colt will be on set at the reunion? 

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7 minutes ago, ALittleShelfish said:

Well that sounds like a topic for our star-spangled reunion/tell-all host, Shawn Robinson can bring up!  JKLOL She won't have time because they have to get to a commercial break.

Does anyone think Mother Colt will be on set at the reunion? 

She'll be there in place of Larissa.

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2 hours ago, sconstant said:

Kolani's dad says: "When I first meet my daughter's fiance, I'm going to kind of feel him out, see what path he wants to take.  Hopefully he's humble, kind, you know, a friendly person.  Not a jackass."

Guess what, Dad!  At that dinner table, there IS going to be a humble, kind, friendly person.   Plot twist: also at that table, there will be a jackass.

 

Truth, that was so sad. Auselo was polite and said all the right things, and was clearly intimidated. And Lou Albano still gave him a smackdown. Like kicking a puppy. 

1 hour ago, CoachWristletJen said:

I look forward to how things will inevitably look five years from now when Asuelu is married to his lovely, diminutive second wife, and they have custody of Oliver. Why? Because Granddad is a rage freak who thinks with his fists!

Sister Kalani can't let go of it. 

 

 

 

It's high time we've had a crossover, what about Fernanda and Auselo in their next relationship(s)? 

Sister Kalani is getting her rocks off that she is Daddy's chosen one right now. Not dumb enough to get PG or to misbehave in his eyes. She loves being the "responsible" one and being off Daddy's radar. No doubt in my mind Mom is terrified of him, and Daughter Cannaloni as well. 

 

34 minutes ago, islandgal140 said:

I really like Asuelu but as a potential sexual partner?!?! Nope. nope. nope.  He kinda has the voice of a sweet, simple cartoon character. Oh gawd, I really hope he isn't a talker during sex.

NO chemistry at the beach, she looked like his ESL tutor.

Now that we've seen Lou Albano in his enforcer glory, it is clear to me that Daughter Canneloni wants a man she can control. And she is off and running controlling Auselo, like her father controlled her, her sister and her mother. She is the abuser now. 

Edited by Alonzo Mosely FBI
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2 hours ago, magemaud said:

Yes, she bitched about everything then turned to Coltie, flashed him a gummy smile (ala “Corny”) and said “I love you” which was supposed to make everything okay.  

Maybe she’d be happier if she gets a Larissa snowwoman to add to the display. 

I did hear Debbie offer to put the slot machine in her bedroom if Larissa didn’t like it  

If it's real wouldn't it be heavy to haul up the stairs?  Within a couple of hours I wouldn't move anything that she was so rude to bring up. I've always thought I couldn't share a house with anyone because of personal taste but I don't need to get out of poverty living conditions and pretend I love some looser. 

Somehow I missed Jays new love nest. 

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Oh and I forgot to say that in every single scene since Episode One the American engaged to the Jay the Jamaican (I can't even remember her name)..............she looks less and less happy. Scene by scene the reality is hitting her and she looks to me, less and less carefree and happy about their future. Just me maybe?

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49 minutes ago, ALittleShelfish said:

Well that sounds like a topic for our star-spangled reunion/tell-all host, Shawn Robinson can bring up!  JKLOL She won't have time because they have to get to a commercial break.

Does anyone think Mother Colt will be on set at the reunion? 

I saw that they let Ricki Lake host the tell-all for the teen pregnancy show.  Maybe she will replace Shawn.

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6 minutes ago, Dance4Life said:

Larissa wedding dress shopping is gonna be a blast! Colt is so cheap! Even then, he will

 still deny her roses!  

 

Yea, you are getting marry at the Off-Strip  Drive Thru Wedding Chapel...........inside a 1994 Corolla, no A/c. Baby Girl as your Maid of Honor and Mom Colt as the Witness sitting comfortably in the backseat.  Canned Italian wedding soup with a tall glass of milk will be served after the I do’s. Then upstairs to the Honeymoon Suite! 

And Debbie will drown out the vows with sobbing and wailing.

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The only couple I care about is Steven and Olga.  I wish them the best.  

Jay’s reaction to the cold and snow was funny and realistic.  

Eric is such a dud.  He and Leida deserve each other.  Alessandro, unfortunately, deserves better.  Much better.  

Love Larissa.  If Coltie was smart, he’d listen to her and do what she wants.   She will make him a better man.  Debbie sure pulled out all the stops, didn’t she?  

Fernanda is too good and too young for Jon.  Other than boobies, I don’t see what they have in common. 

Kalani’s family should be happy that father and son are together.  Sure Asuelu and Kalani will not last but the fact they are will to make a go of it, is in the best interest of their son.  

Edited by LGGirl
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