Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[ganesh]

6 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

It occurred to me last night that not only is it tv high school friends who go to college together, but as adults, when working in a career that requires you to work with a partner or a team, chances are good that if you are promoted to another office, then soon your partner and/or team will be as well. 

You would think from watching tv that practically no one grows up and moves away. Everyone inexplicably finds jobs right where they grew up.

[andromeda331]

12 hours ago, ganesh said:

You would think from watching tv that practically no one grows up and moves away. Everyone inexplicably finds jobs right where they grew up.

Or when they land the dream job or get accepted to the dream college that's far away they'll turn it down. Instead of taking the dream job or going to the dream college because would mean moving away from friends and/or family.  Its not like they can keep in touch by phone, email, Facebook, Skype or come back and visit. 

[MaryPatShelby]

On 8/17/2016 at 6:50 AM, Haleth said:

That commercial is really annoying.  But the funny thing is the producers felt the need to subtitle one kid saying "whaaaaaat?" as if viewers couldn't figure out that he was saying the same thing as everyone else in the commercial.

 

Plus, the lip-synching is horrible!  

[kiddo82]

56 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

Or when they land the dream job or get accepted to the dream college that's far away they'll turn it down. Instead of taking the dream job or going to the dream college because would mean moving away from friends and/or family.  Its not like they can keep in touch by phone, email, Facebook, Skype or come back and visit. 

Didn't Willow Rosenberg turn down Oxford on Buffy the Vampire Slayer?  

[ganesh]

Quote

Or when they land the dream job or get accepted to the dream college that's far away they'll turn it down. 

And they'll say Everything They Need Is Right Here. 

It's so provincial it makes me gag. I liked where I grew up, but you go where the opportunity is. I came back and visited. It's not that hard. 

[Kel Varnsen]

9 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

Didn't Willow Rosenberg turn down Oxford on Buffy the Vampire Slayer?  

With Willow you would think the writers would have an easy out for her not going to a fancy school.  I mean sure they said she was smart but so are lots of other kids. And spending all your free time fighting monsters means the part of your application that talks about extra curriculars and community involvement is going to be pretty weak. 

[GaT]

10 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

Didn't Willow Rosenberg turn down Oxford on Buffy the Vampire Slayer?  

That's not as strange as the fact that Sunnydale suddenly has a university. 

[kiddo82]

18 minutes ago, Kel Varnsen said:

With Willow you would think the writers would have an easy out for her not going to a fancy school.  I mean sure they said she was smart but so are lots of other kids. And spending all your free time fighting monsters means the part of your application that talks about extra curriculars and community involvement is going to be pretty weak. 

Which reminds me of a tangentially related "Only on TV."  Only on TV can at least one kid from every group of friends get into an Ivy League school.  Zack Morris got into Yale for goodness sake.  (Although, now that I think about it, he got a 1500 on his SAT's, was shown to be on the basketball and track teams, was on student government, was in the play, was on the prom committee, was in a band, had a summer job, and probably got a glowing recommendation from Mr. Belding.  Plus, you could see him acing an in person interview.  If it wasn't for his actual grades he'd have been a glowing candidate.  Maybe that's a bad example.).  But my point is, a lot of characters on TV just fill out an application and poof, they're into these ultra competitive schools.  At least on Gilmore Girls, not only was Rory a legacy at Yale, but the first three seasons of the show were all about how she was doing everything possible to strengthen her college applications.  

 

Which also reminds me, only on TV does every group of high school friends have that super smart one.  Not just the one who gets good grades but like, recruited by the government smart.  Can hack into a bank smart.  Can perform amateur surgery smart.  And the class valedictorian will always come from this group.

[caci]

The opposite of that, is every group has an incredibly dumb person in it.  Not just a bit niave, but probably should be institutionalized niave.  Somehow, though, everyone gets along.  

[ganesh]

Not counting for the fact that it you're a smart student you're going to be in trig and calculus and ap chemistry, physics, so everyone is smart. Not that you wouldn't have friends like from band or basketball, but typically you're around those people most of the day. 

I had no idea Zach got into Yale. Where was the College Years

Remember when "college" was like this scary thing? Freshmen getting lost or everyone had a weird roommate. 

[Kel Varnsen]

1 hour ago, kiddo82 said:

Which also reminds me, only on TV does every group of high school friends have that super smart one.  Not just the one who gets good grades but like, recruited by the government smart.  Can hack into a bank smart.  Can perform amateur surgery smart.  And the class valedictorian will always come from this group.

Which is weird because they are super, recruited by the government geniuses but some how are still the same age as their friends when you graduate high school. As opposed to the super geniuses who graduate at 15.

[AimingforYoko]

1 hour ago, GaT said:

That's not as strange as the fact that Sunnydale suddenly has a university. 

Nah, between UC and CSU there's a branch in damn near every podunk town in California.

[merylinkid]

What gets me is that every town suddenly has a good university when the core group of kids is ready to graduate.   A school never referenced in any way shape or form until its time to choose between "Going Away From Everything You've Ever Known" or "Attending the Local Good College."  

[ganesh]

1 hour ago, AimingforYoko said:

Nah, between UC and CSU there's a branch in damn near every podunk town in California.

Seriously. I applied to CSU Pine Grove.

[kittykat]

Don't forget at said university that there is always an attractive professor with tenure that your main character (male or female) will have an affair with because you are sooooo mature for your age.  And it's wrong but it feels right.

If the professor is female, she will probably be mid to late twenties with a drinking problem,, who casually walks around her apartment in her underwear but is insecure in her relationships.  If you are the male student, everyone will say you are awesome.

If the professor is male, he is usually late thirties/early forties and divorced with a kid that judges you (the female student) for being their age.  But the male professor is going THROUGH A PHASE, while doe eyed female student is branded an ambitious slut.  Sensing a gender pattern here?

[kiddo82]

On August 21, 2016 at 8:28 PM, ganesh said:

 

I had no idea Zach got into Yale. Where was the College Years

I don't remember.  (You know a show is bad when your 11 year old self doesn't even like if).  Probably UC-Bayside or wherever.  The important thing is Zack ended up there even though he was supposed to go to Yale, Slater ended up there even though he was supposed to go to Iowa on a wrestling scholarship, and Screech ended up there even though he was accepted to every school on planet Earth.  But this is also the show in which they had two senior years (one of which 1/3 of the core group was magically gone from an no one mentioned why) and two separate graduations so having everyone matriculate at the same university is really not that big a stretch.  

[ganesh]

On 8/22/2016 at 4:54 PM, kittykat said:

Don't forget at said university that there is always an attractive professor with tenure that your main character (male or female) will have an affair with because you are sooooo mature for your age.  And it's wrong but it feels right.

Let's change that to a professor on the tenure and how you doin'?

I had no idea Slater had a wrestling scholarship either. Who turns down scholarships?!

[selkie]

On 8/17/2016 at 4:15 PM, ChromaKelly said:

There are lots of funky loft apartments in old warehouse/factory buildings on TV. No one lives in a boring garden apartment complex. But that's probably because only families with kids live in the suburbs.

Dexter Morgan's apartment was in a pretty ordinary small building, but then the point was that he was trying to just kind of blend in with the ordinary people.

[zxy556575]

I want to believe people aren't this dumb in real life, but the ones on TV sure do leave their lights on, drapes open, and doors unlocked while conducting illicit activities. Particularly extramarital affairs. Let's kiss and undress right in front of a window!

[Shannon L.]

When students decide to have a car wash as a fund raiser for a school event, the school finds it perfectly acceptable for the girls to wear skimpy bikinis.

On 8/31/2016 at 5:43 PM, lordonia said:

I want to believe people aren't this dumb in real life, but the ones on TV sure do leave their lights on, drapes open, and doors unlocked while conducting illicit activities. Particularly extramarital affairs. Let's kiss and undress right in front of a window!

Omg.....I don't even understand how people living perfectly normal, above the law, lives can have a huge picture window in the front of their house and never close curtains.  I shudder at the thought of people being able to look in at any time.  It's creepy.  (no offense to anyone who has a big picture window out front that they never pull curtains over--I just couldn't do it).

Edited September 2, 2016 by Shannon L.

[atomationage]

30 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

When students decide to have a car wash as a fund raiser for a school event, the school finds it perfectly acceptable for the girls to wear skimpy bikinis.

I think that's the Cool Hand Luke effect.  I don't know if washing a car was considered sexy before that movie came out. 

[DeLurker]

23 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

When students decide to have a car wash as a fund raiser for a school event, the school finds it perfectly acceptable for the girls to wear skimpy bikinis.

Back when I was in HS, this was true.  Standard issue ware was a bikini top and shorts.  Of course, the cars were all foot powered a la Fred Flintstone...

Only on tv, do people have attics that they use for storage that have flooring of sorts, a window for natural lighting and a full length mirror.  That way when you unpack an old relatives vintage clothes you can try it on or read someone's secret diary.

[DearEvette]

On 8/31/2016 at 8:43 PM, lordonia said:

I want to believe people aren't this dumb in real life, but the ones on TV sure do leave their lights on, drapes open, and doors unlocked while conducting illicit activities. Particularly extramarital affairs. Let's kiss and undress right in front of a window!

Not only inside the house in front of a window, but outside the house too.  Cheaters always take a moment to hold hands and kiss right next to car conveniently parked beside the motel sign before going into the motel.

[Bookish Jen]

On ‎8‎/‎21‎/‎2016 at 6:57 AM, andromeda331 said:

Or when they land the dream job or get accepted to the dream college that's far away they'll turn it down. Instead of taking the dream job or going to the dream college because would mean moving away from friends and/or family.  Its not like they can keep in touch by phone, email, Facebook, Skype or come back and visit. 

Yea, like a brainiac like Andrea Zuckerman and a stupid idiot like Donna Martin would get into the same college.

[CoderLady]

On 8/21/2016 at 4:57 AM, andromeda331 said:

Or when they land the dream job or get accepted to the dream college that's far away they'll turn it down. Instead of taking the dream job or going to the dream college because would mean moving away from friends and/or family.  Its not like they can keep in touch by phone, email, Facebook, Skype or come back and visit. 

Fast forward 25 years. At their high school reunion (which everybody goes to -- that's another trope) the ones who had the courage to leave are now wildly famous and successful in whatever field they left to pursue, and the ones who stayed behind are local supermarket managers, bank tellers, housewives or used car salespeople. And yet both types end up confessing that they envy each other so very, very much. Yeah, right.

[methodwriter85]

Also, the most popular, hottest jock at school is now bald and fat.

[Haleth]

20 hours ago, DeLurker said:

Only on tv, do people have attics that they use for storage that have flooring of sorts, a window for natural lighting and a full length mirror.  That way when you unpack an old relatives vintage clothes you can try it on or read someone's secret diary.

And a high enough roof line to stand up!

[shang yiet]

And the school nerd is now hot and rich and has secretly fancied you all these years.

This reminds me of this old TV show where a lady going to her high school reunion fantasized that her high school rival had grown fat, let herself go, is single with six kids and reduced to selling tomatoes by the highway. But once she gets there, she finds her rival is still as gorgeous as ever and is now Governor of Arkansas. Just hilarious.

[Shannon L.]

Dog owners on tv:

Southerners always own hound dogs (with bloodhounds and blue tick hounds the most popular).

Wealthy eccentric or down to earth people always own dobermans (as attack dogs).

Wealthy spoiled people always own  miniature dogs (with long haired breeds being the most popular).

Families always own golden retrievers.

Gang members always own pit bulls.

Cat owners are almost always weird.

[kiddo82]

32 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

 

Wealthy eccentric or down to earth people always own dobermans (as attack dogs).

I never get tired of Mr. Burns and "release the hounds."

[kiddo82]

TV (and film's) guide to accents:

Brooklyn/Boston/New Jersey: Blue collar.  Not a bad person but fell in with the wrong crowd or fell on hard times.  Except if the accent is a mid Atlantic variation + Italian, then the person is involved with the mob.  Always.

Scottish or Irish Brogue:  blue collar again

Slight Southern Accent:  the character starts out as charming and a gentleman but is actually revealed the be ruthlessly evil

Thick Southern Accent: the character is so dumb it's a miracle he can function

Wisconsin:. Simple folk.  Nice to a degree of nievety

English:  a bunch for this one.  Hooligan, high brow but nice, high brow but snooty, and of course especially as a surprise reveal, EVIL. 

 

This is all started when I saw the commercial for Money Monster on Demand and saw that the shooter had a New York accent.  I was like "Of COURSE he does."  

[Joe]

According to American TV, there's no such thing as suburban Australian. Every Aussie sounds like Steve Irwin or the female equivalent. You certainly never hear 'ethnic' Australian accents.

[Cherpumple]

1 hour ago, Joe said:

According to American TV, there's no such thing as suburban Australian. Every Aussie sounds like Steve Irwin or the female equivalent. You certainly never hear 'ethnic' Australian accents.

Oooh, can you elaborate? I don't know much about the different kinds of Australian accents, so I wouldn't know what type Steve Irwin had (although I do remember his voice). Can you give examples of the suburban and ethnic varieties? I do watch a few Australian shows (Wentworth, Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries, Summer Heights High, etc.) and would love to know how to characterize those accents. I can pick up on a few differences, but not enough to know what to call them.

[Bookish Jen]

On ‎9‎/‎5‎/‎2016 at 8:29 PM, Shannon L. said:

Dog owners on tv:

Southerners always own hound dogs (with bloodhounds and blue tick hounds the most popular).

Wealthy eccentric or down to earth people always own dobermans (as attack dogs).

Wealthy spoiled people always own  miniature dogs (with long haired breeds being the most popular).

Families always own golden retrievers.

Gang members always own pit bulls.

Cat owners are almost always weird.

Or frumpy single woman who have never had a date.

[MaryMitch]

1 hour ago, Bookish Jen said:

Or frumpy single woman who have never had a date.

Oh, they're the ones that have at least 10 cats.

[Bookish Jen]

38 minutes ago, MaryMitch said:

Oh, they're the ones that have at least 10 cats.

But don't know where their clitoris is located.

Seriously, where did this "loser women love cats" start? Cats are very sensual creatures. I don't think I've met a cat loving woman who fit such a misguided stereotype.

[AntiBeeSpray]

6 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

TV (and film's) guide to accents:

Brooklyn/Boston/New Jersey: Blue collar.  Not a bad person but fell in with the wrong crowd or fell on hard times.  Except if the accent is a mid Atlantic variation + Italian, then the person is involved with the mob.  Always.

Scottish or Irish Brogue:  blue collar again

Slight Southern Accent:  the character starts out as charming and a gentleman but is actually revealed the be ruthlessly evil

Thick Southern Accent: the character is so dumb it's a miracle he can function

Wisconsin:. Simple folk.  Nice to a degree of nievety

English:  a bunch for this one.  Hooligan, high brow but nice, high brow but snooty, and of course especially as a surprise reveal, EVIL. 

 

This is all started when I saw the commercial for Money Monster on Demand and saw that the shooter had a New York accent.  I was like "Of COURSE he does."  

Same with Minnesota (the Wisconsin thing). IE: Rose Nyland and St. Olaf.

[ganesh]

Also if you're harried and frustrated when the phone rings, you pick it up and scream "WHAT!" into the phone. 

[Bookish Jen]

Let's not forget if you are making dinner and drinking wine you are also listening to classical music or opera. Nobody listens to pop, rock, country or hip hop while making the evening meal, or having the TV news on like some of us do.

[ganesh]

If you are A Television Male, pots will boil over, the dog will bark, and the smoke alarm will go off if you try to make dinner for your Important Date.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

6 hours ago, Bookish Jen said:

Seriously, where did this "loser women love cats" start? Cats are very sensual creatures. I don't think I've met a cat loving woman who fit such a misguided stereotype.

Probably from the same place as "owning a pit bull makes you an irresponsible moron."

[scarynikki12]

I think the person who started it was jealous of all of us who have been chosen by the furbabies.

[zxy556575]

8 hours ago, Bookish Jen said:

Let's not forget if you are making dinner and drinking wine you are also listening to classical music or opera.

Or jazz is the other acceptable TV option.

Edited September 11, 2016 by lordonia

[ChromaKelly]

6 hours ago, Bookish Jen said:

Let's not forget if you are making dinner and drinking wine you are also listening to classical music or opera. Nobody listens to pop, rock, country or hip hop while making the evening meal, or having the TV news on like some of us do.

Or you listen to opera as you kill someone.

[Joe]

12 hours ago, Cherpumple said:

Oooh, can you elaborate? I don't know much about the different kinds of Australian accents, so I wouldn't know what type Steve Irwin had (although I do remember his voice). Can you give examples of the suburban and ethnic varieties? I do watch a few Australian shows (Wentworth, Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries, Summer Heights High, etc.) and would love to know how to characterize those accents. I can pick up on a few differences, but not enough to know what to call them.

I don't actually watch much TV these days, so I can't elaborate, sorry. But my point was that at least for a long time, the only Aussie accent you heard was the stereotypical outback one. However, this is changing a bit. For example, Chris Hemsworth in Ghostbusters used his natural suburban Australian accent.

[Anela]

Maybe I'm unusual in that I don't have a first aid kit, but I've just been watching a  Freeform show, and seen someone show up at the home of a person who they must have some sort of intimate relationship with. They're injured, and saying they aren't guilty of something, but will be suspected so they can't go to the hospital. The person just happens to have something needed to patch up the others' injuries - these huge bandages, amongst other things. I have peroxide, but that's it. 

And now someone is making a heartfelt speech over their phone, and everyone just happens to be online or in the right place on their phones, to be watching it. 

Edited September 11, 2016 by Anela

[Shannon L.]

I usually see this in movies, (but then again, most of my tv shows aren't the kind to have this kind of storyline), but teachers tend to have such a connection with their students that he or she will invite these kids to special personal events--including weddings.  Heck, I've even seen weddings where the students were even in the bridal party. 

19 hours ago, AntiBeeSpray said:

On 9/10/2016 at 4:24 AM, kiddo82 said:

TV (and film's) guide to accents:

Brooklyn/Boston/New Jersey: Blue collar.  Not a bad person but fell in with the wrong crowd or fell on hard times.  Except if the accent is a mid Atlantic variation + Italian, then the person is involved with the mob.  Always.

Scottish or Irish Brogue:  blue collar again

Slight Southern Accent:  the character starts out as charming and a gentleman but is actually revealed the be ruthlessly evil

Thick Southern Accent: the character is so dumb it's a miracle he can function

Wisconsin:. Simple folk.  Nice to a degree of nievety

English:  a bunch for this one.  Hooligan, high brow but nice, high brow but snooty, and of course especially as a surprise reveal, EVIL. 

 

This is all started when I saw the commercial for Money Monster on Demand and saw that the shooter had a New York accent.  I was like "Of COURSE he does."  

Same with Minnesota (the Wisconsin thing). IE: Rose Nyland and St. Olaf.

New Englanders always have that dumb hick accent (and are usually characterized as such!).

[zxy556575]

10 hours ago, Anela said:

Maybe I'm unusual in that I don't have a first aid kit, but I've just been watching a  Freeform show, and seen someone show up at the home of a person who they must have some sort of intimate relationship with. They're injured, and saying they aren't guilty of something, but will be suspected so they can't go to the hospital. The person just happens to have something needed to patch up the others' injuries - these huge bandages, amongst other things. I have peroxide, but that's it. 

Ha! If the injury needs more than a Band-Aid, don't come to my house.

I guess I could use the tip of a potato peeler to dig out a bullet. Would orange juice work as a disinfectant?

[ABay]

When I accidentally sliced my finger a few years ago, I actually did have gauze on hand--mom was a nurse--but had to wrap it with masking tape to keep it on as I drove to the hospital. It was my middle finger and I was trying to keep it elevated so other drivers probably thought I was flipping them off.

[Moose135]

I'll admit that on one or two occasions, I've covered a small cut on a finger with a tissue, then wrapped a piece of scotch tape around it to hold it in place...