The Lonely Js Club: James, Jackson & Johannah

[GeeGolly]

3 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

I'm sure you didn't intend to minimize anything.

But, to me, it seems you could easily be understood as completely poo-pooing the idea that some of those kids may be way more damaged by the level of enmeshment that their situation has forced on them than we'll ever see or realize from the outside.  

For me, virtually all of the audience spends all its time normalizing the Duggars (and the Rodriguezes and others). Looking at them as people who are eccentric and annoying but fun to watch and not giving any thought to the fact that being made part of a slime mold the way Jana has been can be extremely damaging to some people, even though it may not be to others. 

So I just heard you giving people a reason to think that the Duggars aren't really dangerous to their offspring. 

Whereas I feel about JB and M the way JB and M feel about abortionists. 

So my normalizing Jana's post made you think I was minimizing the impact of abuse?

In my professional world and what I see and hear on a daily basis, it isn't the kind of abuse that matters, it's the impact of the abuse. Do I think JB's & M's parenting is abusive? Yes. Do I think all of the Duggar 19 are going to become unhappy, non-functioning, forever suffering, diagnosable adults? No. I don't. Because again, it's the impact of abuse not necessarily the type of abuse.

So I'm fully aware that dysfunctional and dangerous families come dressed in all kinds of stripes, from very subtle to very obvious. But I'm not on these boards to sway anyone. I'm on here to share thoughts with others, ponder thoughts of others and enjoy some snarky humor.

If I somehow offended you, please accept my heartfelt apology.

[Churchhoney]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

So my normalizing Jana's post made you think I was minimizing the impact of abuse?

In my professional world and what I see and hear on a daily basis, it isn't the kind of abuse that matters, it's the impact of the abuse. Do I think JB's & M's parenting is abusive? Yes. Do I think all of the Duggar 19 are going to become unhappy, non-functioning, forever suffering, diagnosable adults? No. I don't. Because again, it's the impact of abuse not necessarily the type of abuse.

So I'm fully aware that dysfunctional and dangerous families come dressed in all kinds of stripes, from very subtle to very obvious. But I'm not on these boards to sway anyone. I'm on here to share thoughts with others, ponder thoughts of others and enjoy some snarky humor.

If I somehow offended you, please accept my heartfelt apology.

No, I apologize. You didn't offend me. I offended you. 

I just don't belong in a place where the Duggars are discussed in the context of being a snark-worthy tv show.

. 

[Temperance]

15 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

No, I apologize. You didn't offend me. I offended you. 

I just don't belong in a place where the Duggars are discussed in the context of being a snark-worthy tv show.

. 

I appreciate your posts and you belong with us. 

Topic: It's been 6 months since the last wedding and 10 months since the last courtship announcements. 

Edited May 15, 2019 by Temperance

[Zella]

@Churchhoney, I think you're one of the most insightful posters on this forum and always look forward to your posts. 

[GeeGolly]

4 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

No, I apologize. You didn't offend me. I offended you. 

I just don't belong in a place where the Duggars are discussed in the context of being a snark-worthy tv show.

. 

Churchie, in my opinion you do belong here. You offer a perspective that others don't offer. Many of us use snark and humor when discussing and identifying uncomfortable topics. Most of us on here share an uncomfortable curiosity about this dysfunctional family that put themselves out there for the world to see.

Maybe it's the religious aspect, maybe it's the number of kids, maybe it's over identifying with some unhealthy traits, maybe it makes an unhealthily childhood feel healthier for some, maybe it's the connections to other posters - we're all on here for different reasons.

The Duggars exist. Nothing I say on these boards can change that. I don't wish the Duggars any ill will ('cept maybe Josh) and I not so secretly hope things turn out well for each of them. Do I hope that reality teaches them some hard lessons that most of the world must learn to survive? I sure do. But from my perspective I don't see them as this villainous cast of characters out to harm the world. I see them as a messed up family living their lives on TV the same way I see the Kardashians, who in my opinion sell a message equally as harmful as the message the Duggars sell. But most of us on here are not buying what the Duggars are selling.

So I hope you stay. If I may be so bold, I hope you can hear positive thoughts posted on here in the same way you hear negative thoughts. I hope you can realize that most on here will always see the dysfunction of the Duggars even when posting about something typical or positive. Almost nobody's family is all bad. You came out of your family as an intelligent, insightful, independent woman and I find that awe inspiring when coupled with the facts you've shared about your upbringing.

So again, I know I'm not alone in hoping you stay. And always feel free to call me out and disagree with me. You might stir up a ping in my belly, but that's only because I enjoy and respect you... even when I'm offering a different perspective. 

[Scarlett45]

8 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

No, I apologize. You didn't offend me. I offended you. 

I just don't belong in a place where the Duggars are discussed in the context of being a snark-worthy tv show.

. 

No that’s not true! You do belong here- we appreciate and value you. 

Of course your own mental and emotional well-being comes first, and if this board is causing you distress it’s certainly not worth it, but your insight is invaluable and your presence enriches the discussion. 

[Churchhoney]

It's me, guys. It's not you! 

I just find the Duggars too upsetting and infuriating to take at times. And sometimes I get out of control and take it out on you!

. 

[Fosca]

1 hour ago, Churchhoney said:

It's me, guys. It's not you! 

I just find the Duggars too upsetting and infuriating to take at times. And sometimes I get out of control and take it out on you!

. 

And when you do it's a reminder to us that these are real people, that this isn't some sort of sitcom written by people with a great imagination.  I know when I get too jokey about some of these shows it helps to have your sort of posts that metaphorically dump a cold bucket of water over my head and wake me up. 

Thank you for your posts and your opinions.  All of them.

[Suzn]

3 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

It's me, guys. It's not you! 

I just find the Duggars too upsetting and infuriating to take at times. And sometimes I get out of control and take it out on you!

. 

I get a great deal from your posts.  Your insight and unique perspective contributes to understanding these people.  I think JB & M are dangerous to their children and their agenda is dangerous to all of us.

[GeeGolly]

7 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

It's me, guys. It's not you! . 

You're breaking up with me? 😕

[fonfereksglen]

7 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

It's me, guys. It's not you! 

I just find the Duggars too upsetting and infuriating to take at times. And sometimes I get out of control and take it out on you!

. 

As a daughter, who continues to thrive despite a narcissistic mother from hell, I have a really thick skin.  There are always many wise people posting here  who understand and hope you continue to share your views on the Duggar cult.

[Churchhoney]

33 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

You're breaking up with me? 😕

Ha! .... Nope. I'm just noting that those who don't break up with me are choosing to be allied with a major pain  in the ass.  😎

[bigskygirl]

1 minute ago, Churchhoney said:

Ha! .... Nope. I'm just noting that those who don't break up with me are choosing to be allied with a major pain  in the ass.  😎

Are you sure you are not talking about me because I can be a major pain in the ass when it comes to the Duggars or am I a snarky pain in the ass.

I enjoy discussing the Duggars with you. No way would I break up with you.

[GeeGolly]

2 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

Ha! .... Nope. I'm just noting that those who don't break up with me are choosing to be allied with a major pain  in the ass.  😎

Well, you are a superior pain in the ass. I only recognize this because I'm one too.😊

[MsJamieDornan]

i'm just getting started. My job title is major pain in the ass. And I like it.

Are there any updates on Jeremiah and Jed Clampett? Dating ? Jobs?

[bigskygirl]

Jed Clampett. You guys are so funny! Please keep the nicknames coming.

[Churchhoney]

1 hour ago, bigskygirl said:

Jed Clampett. You guys are so funny! Please keep the nicknames coming.

Well, given the way Jer's been dressing lately, maybe we should call him Grandpa McCoy. 

He and Jed should get along famously. 

[OpieTaylor]

On 5/15/2019 at 7:33 AM, Churchhoney said:

It's me, guys. It's not you! 

I just find the Duggars too upsetting and infuriating to take at times. And sometimes I get out of control and take it out on you!

. 

I've got to get my two cents in because I've been wanting to say this: Churchhoney, you are often an awe-inspiring writer - you have such a way with words! Please don't leave us! 

[MaryAnneSpier]

On 5/13/2019 at 12:55 PM, xwordfanatik said:

🤮

Cute little animal.  Mama, not so much.  Does Meeeechelle ever look away from a camera? What a load.  Laughed at 'sacrificing money.'

She does when she's gazing up adoringly at her headship. 

[Churchhoney]

8 hours ago, OpieTaylor said:

I've got to get my two cents in because I've been wanting to say this: Churchhoney, you are often an awe-inspiring writer - you have such a way with words! Please don't leave us! 

Thanks! You're quite a good writer yourself. This is a place where strong writers congregate!

[LilJen]

On 5/15/2019 at 4:41 AM, GeeGolly said:

Churchie, in my opinion you do belong here. You offer a perspective that others don't offer. Many of us use snark and humor when discussing and identifying uncomfortable topics. Most of us on here share an uncomfortable curiosity about this dysfunctional family that put themselves out there for the world to see.

Maybe it's the religious aspect, maybe it's the number of kids, maybe it's over identifying with some unhealthy traits, maybe it makes an unhealthily childhood feel healthier for some, maybe it's the connections to other posters - we're all on here for different reasons.

The Duggars exist. Nothing I say on these boards can change that. I don't wish the Duggars any ill will ('cept maybe Josh) and I not so secretly hope things turn out well for each of them. Do I hope that reality teaches them some hard lessons that most of the world must learn to survive? I sure do. But from my perspective I don't see them as this villainous cast of characters out to harm the world. I see them as a messed up family living their lives on TV the same way I see the Kardashians, who in my opinion sell a message equally as harmful as the message the Duggars sell. But most of us on here are not buying what the Duggars are selling.

So I hope you stay. If I may be so bold, I hope you can hear positive thoughts posted on here in the same way you hear negative thoughts. I hope you can realize that most on here will always see the dysfunction of the Duggars even when posting about something typical or positive. Almost nobody's family is all bad. You came out of your family as an intelligent, insightful, independent woman and I find that awe inspiring when coupled with the facts you've shared about your upbringing.

So again, I know I'm not alone in hoping you stay. And always feel free to call me out and disagree with me. You might stir up a ping in my belly, but that's only because I enjoy and respect you... even when I'm offering a different perspective. 

On 5/15/2019 at 10:33 AM, Churchhoney said:

It's me, guys. It's not you! 

I just find the Duggars too upsetting and infuriating to take at times. And sometimes I get out of control and take it out on you!

. 

And here I was hoping for another courtship announcement! 😉

[MunichNark]

Churchie, don't upset yourself, you're only showing empathy and sympathy for those people stuck in destructive lifestyles.

It frustrates me too, since there isn't a damn thing I can do to change their lives. It likely affects you much more because of your fundie background.

On a different note, Jana really is just so damn boring.

[Churchhoney]

3 hours ago, MunichNark said:

Churchie, don't upset yourself, you're only showing empathy and sympathy for those people stuck in destructive lifestyles.

It frustrates me too, since there isn't a damn thing I can do to change their lives. It likely affects you much more because of your fundie background.

On a different note, Jana really is just so damn boring.

Thanks! You're right! 

One thing, though -- I don't actually have a fundie background. And it's actually one of the big reasons that this upsets me as much as it does. 

See, I have a background that's very similar to these people's -- but religion had nothing to do with it. (Yeah, my family went to church -- because pretty much everybody in America did at that time.  But in fact my family attended a church in what's widely considered the most liberal of the mainline Protestant denominations.)

Nevertheless, the ruling relatives in our household behaved in  Duggarlike fashion. But not because religion told them to, but because some people had severe personality disorders and/or were just mean, rotten people -- or both. They did basically the same things the Duggars do -- the isolation and the ridiculous rules about stuff like wearing "modest" clothing and so on -- but not because of religion. 

That's one reason why it drives me absolutely nuts that the Duggars are ever believed to be doing what they do out of faith. I

n my opinion, faith has absolutely nothing to do with it beyond providing a cover story for people who have an insatiable desire to micromanage, control and push around as many people as possible -- because they're deeply disordered and/or mean and nasty people. 

They shouldn't get to have the cover of "faith." "Faith" doesn't tell you to do this crap. Being a nutso control freak for whatever reason does. They glommed onto the particular beliefs they did because those beliefs justified exactly what they wanted to do anyway. (Ditto the Pearls and so on). In my opinion.....

My opinion is also that if people really allowed themselves to understand that these loons aren't behaving "according to the dictates of their faith," maybe fewer people would be deluded into seeing them as this interesting eccentric family on television who have a show because it's interesting to watch how things are in their "culture." 

Their "culture" is a group of control freaks who got together because they can justify their behavior totally when they're part of a group..... And the larger the group is, the worse their behavior can be -- since the existence of the group (which calls itself a faith) justifies the behavior. 

Anyway, every now and then I like to set the record straight on my background. Not fundie.....But the same crap! 

Edited May 20, 2019 by Churchhoney

[Zella]

10 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

In my opinion, faith has absolutely nothing to do with it beyond providing a cover story for people who have an insatiable desire to micromanage, control and push around as many people as possible -- because they're deeply disordered and/or mean and nasty people. 

They shouldn't get to have the cover of "faith." "Faith" doesn't tell you to do this crap. Being a nutso control freak for whatever reason does. They glommed onto the particular beliefs they did because those beliefs justified exactly what they wanted to do anyway. (Ditto the Pearls and so on). In my opinion.....

My opinion is also that if people really allowed themselves to understand that these loons aren't behaving "according to the dictates of their faith," maybe fewer people would be deluded into seeing them as this interesting eccentric family on television who have a show because it's interesting to watch how things are in their "culture." 

Their "culture" is a group of control freaks who got together because they can justify their behavior totally when they're part of a group..... And the larger the group is, the worse their behavior can be -- since the existence of the group (which calls itself a faith) justifies the behavior. 

This was one of the things that actually drew me to this board a few years ago--though my participation has been on and off at times. 

In the wake of the Josh scandals/revelations back in 2015, I was horrified how many well-educated, reasonable, otherwise good people I knew who were Christians who just had a knee-jerk reaction that "Oh people are just picking on the Duggars because they're Christians." 

In any event, when I would encounter these people, I would always go ape shit and list every sordid and weird thing about the Duggars and every sickening detail of the molestations that were made public, and these people were all immediately embarrassed and backtracked their statements and even admitted that they hadn't even paid attention to the details of the scandals. It really was just them assuming a lot of stuff about this family that they vaguely knew was "Christian."

One of the things I always told these people is that the Duggars are not like the Methodists or Lutherans or Baptists who live down the street or work with you or go to school with you and are otherwise normal folks, though that is what a lot of people who know nothing about the family are assuming. They're not even exactly like the somewhat unhinged Pentecostals I knew, either. 

[mythoughtis]

On 5/20/2019 at 11:28 AM, Churchhoney said:

Thanks! You're right! 

One thing, though -- I don't actually have a fundie background. And it's actually one of the big reasons that this upsets me as much as it does. 

See, I have a background that's very similar to these people's -- but religion had nothing to do with it. (Yeah, my family went to church -- because pretty much everybody in America did at that time.  But in fact my family attended a church in what's widely considered the most liberal of the mainline Protestant denominations.)

Nevertheless, the ruling relatives in our household behaved in  Duggarlike fashion. But not because religion told them to, but because some people had severe personality disorders and/or were just mean, rotten people -- or both. They did basically the same things the Duggars do -- the isolation and the ridiculous rules about stuff like wearing "modest" clothing and so on -- but not because of religion. 

That's one reason why it drives me absolutely nuts that the Duggars are ever believed to be doing what they do out of faith. I

n my opinion, faith has absolutely nothing to do with it beyond providing a cover story for people who have an insatiable desire to micromanage, control and push around as many people as possible -- because they're deeply disordered and/or mean and nasty people. 

They shouldn't get to have the cover of "faith." "Faith" doesn't tell you to do this crap. Being a nutso control freak for whatever reason does. They glommed onto the particular beliefs they did because those beliefs justified exactly what they wanted to do anyway. (Ditto the Pearls and so on). In my opinion.....

My opinion is also that if people really allowed themselves to understand that these loons aren't behaving "according to the dictates of their faith," maybe fewer people would be deluded into seeing them as this interesting eccentric family on television who have a show because it's interesting to watch how things are in their "culture." 

Their "culture" is a group of control freaks who got together because they can justify their behavior totally when they're part of a group..... And the larger the group is, the worse their behavior can be -- since the existence of the group (which calls itself a faith) justifies the behavior. 

Anyway, every now and then I like to set the record straight on my background. Not fundie.....But the same crap! 

This is absolutely right... and the excuse for every evil perpetrated in the Name of faith.   People hide behind faith and do things that are totally contrary to that faith and they get away with it. 

[Love2dance]

@Churchhoney, thank you for clarifying. I absolutely did think you came and escaped from a religious fundy family. But you remind us that mistreatment, domination, and cruelty can come from many types of families.

I think most of us on this forum watch at least in part hoping to see one or more of the Lonely J’s (and other Duggar kids) rebel and get away like you did.

I hope you stay on this forum as long as it is healthy for you to do so. Your contributions are so valuable.

[ElenaFR]

I'm waiting for one to have a Come to Jesus moment and rebel.

[PikaScrewChu]

We've got just over a month until James joins this thread.

I'm very surprised we don't have a courtship yet for one of the twins unless they're holding out for a double wedding.

[Sew Sumi]

I wonder if James ever mastered his multiplication tables. 

[3 is enough]

13 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

I wonder if James ever mastered his multiplication tables. 

Isn't it time for his parents be having one of their fake graduation ceremonies for him?  I can't even remember if Jason got one.

Poor kid.  In all of the pictures I have seen of him lately he does not look very smiley or happy.  If he did have some sort of learning issues I bet he never got the help he needed.

[PikaScrewChu]

1 minute ago, 3 is enough said:

Isn't it time for his parents be having one of their fake graduation ceremonies for him?  I can't even remember if Jason got one.

Last one they had was for Josiah (I did a scroll through Lilly and Ellie's blog, they need a graphic designer STAT). I think they gave up any pretense that the kids were actually getting an education after that.

[Temperance]

They had a triple "graduation" for Joy and the -Iah twins and they're all younger than Josiah. It was on the show. 

Edited May 30, 2019 by Temperance

[Churchhoney]

36 minutes ago, 3 is enough said:

Isn't it time for his parents be having one of their fake graduation ceremonies for him?  I can't even remember if Jason got one.

Poor kid.  In all of the pictures I have seen of him lately he does not look very smiley or happy.  If he did have some sort of learning issues I bet he never got the help he needed.

The last "graduation celebration" I remember hearing about was when Jer and Jed shared a graduation with Joy. ..... As I recall, it was mostly a little kids' party. 

I guess pretending to celebrate each kid was just too taxing for JB and M, so now they'll only "graduate" them in groups. 

I'm pretty sure we would have heard about how they were doing some great thing for Jason if they'd given him an actual graduation.

So I guess now the only question is whether they'll put themselves out for a mere two kids or whether they'll make Jason and James wait another year or so until Justin's ready so they can all share their fabulous graduation celebration, attended mostly by two-to-six-year-olds. And pregnant women. 

ETA: They may have had that last party because they were currently pissed about people saying it was too bad that the kids would get no more education after receiving their "Duggar Academy" faux diplomas. I remember hearing or seeing JB and/or M pointedly say that unlike for many people, Duggarlings' education doesn't end when they receive their diplomas because a Duggar education prepares them to be learners for life. ... 

...which I guess is true, in a way. They'll have to learn some stuff later because they don't seem to have learned much of anything up to the time they receive those diplomas. 

Edited May 30, 2019 by Churchhoney

[Ohiopirate02]

1 hour ago, PikaScrewChu said:

We've got just over a month until James joins this thread.

I'm very surprised we don't have a courtship yet for one of the twins unless they're holding out for a double wedding.

I don't think JB can afford to support another family at the moment.   Maybe if he sells that monstrosity he can afford to allow one of them to marry.  Unless he starts forcing the prospective brides parents to cough up a dowry. 

[PikaScrewChu]

44 minutes ago, Temperance said:

They had a triple "graduation" for Joy and the -Iah twins and they're all younger than Josiah. It was on the show. 

Good catch. I scrolled through the Jed/Jer/Joy posts to look for a "graduation" party but there were none on the blog. They only talked about Josiah's party that was on the show. Normally those two recap the show in painstaking detail.

[Churchhoney]

14 minutes ago, PikaScrewChu said:

Good catch. I scrolled through the Jed/Jer/Joy posts to look for a "graduation" party but there were none on the blog. They only talked about Josiah's party that was on the show. Normally those two recap the show in painstaking detail.

It was such a little-kids' party that everybody quickly forgot it was supposed to be for the "graduates"! 

I only remembered because the idea of the teenagers having a supposed graduation party that was dominated by little kids made me sick....Speaks volumes about the fact that these parents don't let their kids gradually grow toward autonomy, seems to me. 

And then the social-media post or speech (whatever it was) by JB and/or M about how a fabulous Duggar education makes their kids into lifelong learners burned itself into my brain! 

Edited May 30, 2019 by Churchhoney

[Lunera]

[ginger90]

25 minutes ago, Lunera said:

Those are nice shots. The outfit, blah.

[PikaScrewChu]

1 hour ago, Lunera said:

If you can't build an army for Jesus, you can at least build a carefully monetized social media presence. SWIPE UP!

[Churchhoney]

Soon there will be no fundie shop unadvertised by Duggarlings. Or multiple Duggarlings. 

Typical of Duggar world that Jana, an inferior unmarried woman, finally got permission from her parents (in her late 20s!) to have social media accounts -- only because they're now desperately dredging for dollars. 

[babyhouseman]

1 hour ago, Lunera said:

Is she running through the prairie to get to Ma and Pa on the covered wagon?

This picture makes me itch as I know I would be bitten by a thousand mosquitoes in the hot South.

[bigskygirl]

1 minute ago, babyhouseman said:

Is she running through the prairie to get to Ma and Pa on the covered wagon?

This picture makes me itch as I know I would be bitten by a thousand mosquitoes in the hot South.

@babyhouseman  Not laughing at the last sentence because I know the same thing would happen to be. I am laughing at your first sentence.

[Zella]

3 minutes ago, babyhouseman said:

Is she running through the prairie to get to Ma and Pa on the covered wagon?

This picture makes me itch as I know I would be bitten by a thousand mosquitoes in the hot South.

She's probably being eaten alive by chiggers and ticks. 😂 

[PikaScrewChu]

26 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

Soon there will be no fundie shop unadvertised by Duggarlings. Or multiple Duggarlings. 

Typical of Duggar world that Jana, an inferior unmarried woman, finally got permission from her parents (in her late 20s!) to have social media accounts -- only because they're now desperately dredging for dollars. 

That Apple Watch Jana is wearing isn't going to pay for itself.

[Misslindsey]

Jill really needs to use whoever is photographing Jana for her social media clothing shills. No sad, squinting in the sun pictures for Jana.

[sixlets]

1 hour ago, Zella said:

She's probably being eaten alive by chiggers and ticks. 😂 

Or, in Jana's case, it's probably Duggers and dicks.

[cmr2014]

3 hours ago, Lunera said:

I agree with everyone else that these are nice pictures, and a million times better than anything Jill has ever posted. I bet the photos weren't taken by a four-year-old.

The dress is actually pretty hideous, but the effect is nice anyway because someone put in some actual time and effort to choose an attractive location and wait for some flattering lighting. Will Jill learn anything from this -- I doubt it.

And, really Jana, this knee length, super-modest dress does not need pants or leggings or whatever under it.

[MsJamieDornan]

4 hours ago, PikaScrewChu said:

That Apple Watch Jana is wearing isn't going to pay for itself.

And we need to remind Jana that it doesn't  go with every outfit she wears. Especially to weddings.

[DangerousMinds]

5 hours ago, PikaScrewChu said:

That Apple Watch Jana is wearing isn't going to pay for itself.

Don’t they know what an evil, heathen compNy Apple is?

[Jynnan tonnix]

6 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

I agree with everyone else that these are nice pictures, and a million times better than anything Jill has ever posted. I bet the photos weren't taken by a four-year-old.

The dress is actually pretty hideous, but the effect is nice anyway because someone put in some actual time and effort to choose an attractive location and wait for some flattering lighting. Will Jill learn anything from this -- I doubt it.

And, really Jana, this knee length, super-modest dress does not need pants or leggings or whatever under it.

To be fair, if I was walking through that sort of grass, I'd want my legs covered as well!