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The Lonely Js Club: James, Jackson & Johannah


Message added by Scarlett45,

Discussing the charges against Jana is fine, but do not post any information that reveals her address/contact information- even if said documents are public (i.e. a part of court proceedings.)

Discussing charges against Jana is NOT a jumping off point to speculate on other instances abuse/neglect etc towards the M-children or to elaborate on Josh's conviction and potential victims.  

 

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36 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Amen. Are we sure she doesn't live in the shed? We know JD moved out of the boys dorm a while ago although they keep that "hush hush". 

Yeah, but JD brought his laundry home and came home to eat. He even had the audacity to claim that his sisters enjoy doing his laundry. Grown ass man should know how to wash his skivvies.

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1 hour ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

We are having that issue with my mother in law...There is also such a thing as insurance plans for rest homes, which my inlaws had, and which we told them never to get rid of...it was expensive, but we told them that if they could not afford it on their income, we would help. Well, a few years ago, they decided it was too expensive and dropped it (I think it was something like $600/month). My father-in-law passed away a couple of years after that, and my mother-in-law developed dementia about a year later (it became clear that she'd probably had the start of it for some time, but he was covering for a lot of her lapses) and quickly got to the point that she could no longer live at home, and really needed to be somewhere that she'd get the right sort of supervision (there were a couple of incidents when she was staying with us and started wandering around at night, one of which led to a fall down a couple of steps and a broken hip). Anyway, long story short, she's in a nice facility now, but it costs some $8000/month, and her income is only about $2500. Luckily she did have some savings and investments, and also owned their house free & clear. We've had that on the market for the past 8 months, and luckily it did finally sell, though the closing won't be for a few more weeks (fingers crossed that all goes smoothly!) and in the meantime her savings ran out and we have been having to make up the difference. If she can stay there for two years, that's when Medicare (Medicaid? I get those confused) kicks in and she will be covered, so it's lucky that the house is selling, because that monthly /payment for the next 16 months would pretty much wipe us out as well.

In the northeast, these "boutique" nursing homes are cropping up and are extremely expensive. I know a woman who is paying over 10k a month and if she is unable to handle taking her own medications, there's an extra charge for someone to administer them. Two of my friends moved parents out of state where the costs were lower.These people were not wealthy at all.  One found a great nursing home for her mil in Fl. where they have relatives, and another for her fil  in Texas near 3 of his children. I have heard that those insurance plans. despite the cost, don't cover everything, and have a cap on the amount they cover. Have you talked with an elder attorney? Some of my friends have gone and found them quite helpful, and they know lots of loopholes to circumvent the system. Good luck @Jynnan tonnix it's so difficult when the child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child.

s

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@Jynnan tonnix, we should chat in the prayer closet sometime. We moved my dad into a memory care facility a couple of months ago that costs nearly all his income per month and have his house and personal property on the market as we speak. It sucks to have to figure out a safety net for your parent on the fly.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled discussion.

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15 hours ago, Temperance said:

I don't think they need to address it. I'm more worried that she gets stuck in a courtship she doesn't want just because it looks funny. Hopefully if anything her singleness proves she can stand up for herself when necessary.  

That being said I agree with you about  being happy for Jana she doesn't have a half-dozen kids. 

Yes. Also, addressing it would be embarrassing for Jana as well as admitting that they consider it an issue. I actually believe what they say about Jana being picky and turning down all suitors that her family pushes at her. She's stated very specific requirements for a husband, and most non-creepy grown men that fit those requirements aren't going to fill out a questionnaire and do the whole dog and pony show, especially without never even spending time alone with her.

The real issue isn't that she's single so much as the fact that in her world, her singleness means she's a dependent child, essentially. That's not something they're ever going to address head on, though they pretended to with Jana's snotty, "Surpriiiiise!" when saying she does more than change diapers all day....and then proceeded to show her designing a tree house for her siblings instead of doing something for herself. (To be fair, it's entirely possible that she does have non-sistermom stuff going on that she just refuses to let TLC film.)

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17 hours ago, laurakaye said:

At some point, doesn't JB kind of need to address this?  

I think we have pretty good evidence from the Josh situation, though, that JB doesn't address anything unless he absolutely has to. And even then, not really. 

Plus, you know, this is an "entertainment" show. (I'd put it in the horror genre of that, but that's just me.) So ... it's not as if we the people have the right to know as a matter of public interest or anything. 

Edited by Churchhoney
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I've been saying for a while that Jana needs to get a job at Lowe's or Home Depot. It would get her out of the house, allow her to earn a little cash, and those places are swarming with the type of guy she wants to marry. These poor girls are raised to believe God will drop Prince Charming on their doorstep when the reality is all their marriages thus far were arranged by Boob (and Jessa, in Jinger's case). 

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On 9/11/2017 at 7:08 PM, Love2dance said:

Anyone else up for Margaritas? And chocolate cake?

Um you never have to ask about chocolate cake.  Its a given!  For those of you that aren't drinkers but partake in other substances (that will make you WANT that chocolate cake even more), I got you!

Sadly the J's will never know the fun of cake/drinks/etc with a group of friends.  

On 9/12/2017 at 5:37 PM, xwordfanatik said:

I hope Jana does have a secret life with a special someone.  After raising most of her siblings, she deserves some fun and appreciation.

JD is as plain as pasteurized milk, and I can't see him even remotely interested in anyone romantically.  He reminds me of a former coworker who is still single at 50.  The twins have probably been guilted into taking care of Ma & Pa forever.  A life sentence with no hope for parole.

Add & Josie to that...

I am hoping she is filling Josie's head fulla Mechelle shade as she is falling asleep.  

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16 hours ago, crazycatlady58 said:

They  go into a cheap  nursing  home  and you see them on the news because  they are  neglected . That is my future . 

I would like to have a Golden Girls type existence when I get too old to work if my husband isn't still alive.  My sister and I have talked about it.  When I retire I think we are moving closer to my sister just so we can watch out for each other.  I have to say as the youngest in my family it does freak me out to think about a time when none of my family is alive but me.

I am really hoping, yes this is mean, that Josie drags JB around in an office chair when he is old.  Just like he did to dear old dad.

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16 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

If you have 6 kids, rarely is the work split equality 6 ways, or even one adult child doing 50% and the other 5 splitting the rest- it's usually an 85/15% split. 

The other issue, which doesn't exactly apply for the Duggars, is that, in the real world, kids move away from home to other states, provinces, cities, etc.

I have 4 brothers.  We are scattered all over Canada and the US.  Two live in the same area as my mother, and, sadly, the majority of the "work" falls on them.  Not that we all don't want to help, but we just can't physically be there. The day is fast approaching when she will no longer be able to live on her own.  It is a worry.

Quote

I am really hoping, yes this is mean, that Josie drags JB around in an office chair when he is old.  Just like he did to dear old dad.

I would gladly pay to see that!

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1 hour ago, Natalie68 said:

I would like to have a Golden Girls type existence when I get too old to work if my husband isn't still alive.  My sister and I have talked about it.  When I retire I think we are moving closer to my sister just so we can watch out for each other.  I have to say as the youngest in my family it does freak me out to think about a time when none of my family is alive but me.

I am really hoping, yes this is mean, that Josie drags JB around in an office chair when he is old.  Just like he did to dear old dad.

I agree about Boob deserving the same as he did to his dad.  He's deplorable.

Jana has been guilted from birth to serve those shitty parents.  If she remains with them until they're old, I hope Jana will have the honor of dragging MeChelle around the same way!

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11 hours ago, lascuba said:

Yes. Also, addressing it would be embarrassing for Jana as well as admitting that they consider it an issue. I actually believe what they say about Jana being picky and turning down all suitors that her family pushes at her. She's stated very specific requirements for a husband, and most non-creepy grown men that fit those requirements aren't going to fill out a questionnaire and do the whole dog and pony show, especially without never even spending time alone with her.

The real issue isn't that she's single so much as the fact that in her world, her singleness means she's a dependent child, essentially. That's not something they're ever going to address head on, though they pretended to with Jana's snotty, "Surpriiiiise!" when saying she does more than change diapers all day....and then proceeded to show her designing a tree house for her siblings instead of doing something for herself. (To be fair, it's entirely possible that she does have non-sistermom stuff going on that she just refuses to let TLC film.)

Its almost funny how they do that. All there FU moments are funny because their so obvious. But they show us Jana does more then change diapers all day long....by showing her designing something for the kids. They put up a picture of Jana leaving the house, see she does leave the house but she does with a bunch of little kids. How hard is it to show Jana by herself getting her nails or hair done? Or out to lunch with Laura? To go on trips and not be the one holding the baby? These aren't hard things to do. And yet its almost comical how hard it does seem to be for the show or family to do just that. All pictures show her taking care of kids, doing something for her siblings, and/or with kids. Or her on the show taking care of her siblings, taking care of her nieces and nephews. How many times did we see Michelle tell Jordyn, Jenni, etc to go find Jana? 

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I know what you mean @Churchhoney as I have relatives like that.  Or, I like to think I do.  

I don't think people really miss what they haven't experienced.  Maybe they wonder about it at times but I think it ends up bothering other people more than it bothers them. 

But everyone is different too.

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12 minutes ago, Jellybeans said:

I know what you mean @Churchhoney as I have relatives like that.  Or, I like to think I do.  

I don't think people really miss what they haven't experienced.  Maybe they wonder about it at times but I think it ends up bothering other people more than it bothers them. 

But everyone is different too.

I do think that this is definitely true of some things, but I also think that it depends on what the something is (and who the person is, too). ...For example, I don't think people necessarily actually "miss" a father or even a mother or an education, for example, if they've never had one or known much about it. (I know a lot of people vehemently disagree with me on that, though!). I don't really think that any specific thing is necessarily missed if you haven't experienced. it.

But I also think that, when some things are missing from your life, those things are so essential to the core of anyone's being, that their lack really is going to be something that you "miss" -- in some way. And being conscious of your own wants and able to express them and maybe get some of them is such a basic part of every human existence -- it's so integral to being a living thing at all -- that I really think everybody who doesn't have that misses it in some way -- that they feel stunted or warped or unhappy or incomplete or, most often perhaps, just NUMB in ways that other people never experience.

And that numbness to one's own feelings may not seem like "missing' something. But it's definitely not a normal feeling or a contented or happy feeling. It means that you're operating largely without a will of your own. And while you may not consciously "miss" that will, you're still a warped and degraded and stunted being for not having it, I expect. That's going to be evident in your behavior and affect to anybody who knows you and cares at all, I think. You're a much diminished being from what you could have been, and whether you realize it or not that's sad, I think. 

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32 minutes ago, TVwithTea said:

I was one of these people until a few years ago when the stress was starting to turn into a full-fledged ulcer much like having a heart attack can be a wake up to someone who eats too much fast food. Until then, life revolves around the narcissist(s) and making sure that any expression of a desire, a want, a goal, an emotion, a weakness, an eccentricity, a spark of individuality, an aspiration, a hope, even a physical sickness or weakness IS HIDDEN because you know it will always be immediately seized upon and used as a weapon against you as quickly and as harshly as possible.

I don't share my story because 1) People assume it's an overdramataziation or they simply don't believe me and they go on to defend my family and/or blame me or 2) It makes people pity me.

To me, the Duggar kids are victims of what's known as Narcissistic Abuse even when they take on the traits of the narcissist(s) who raised them. If they don't escape, becoming narcissists themselves is what happens to most children of narcissists creating generation after generation of mentally ill people (see: "200 Grandbabies").

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is considered a Cluster B "personality disorder" by a professional behavioral health community that can't cure it making it therefore worthy of unapologetic snark imho as this may be the only "cure" that works.

I feel ya. Been there. Still am there, mostly. Eventually I just started telling the story anyway, despite the clouds of disbelief or -- better, but still depressing -- general incomprehension that roll off people when I do. At least the story gets told. And there are more pictures of narcissistic abuse out there. Totally agree about the multi-generational catastrophe this is. Every single time, one way or another, unfortunately. Glad you have managed to get out from under it at least to some degree. Thanks for sharing your insights. 

Edited by Churchhoney
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15 hours ago, TVwithTea said:

don't share my story because 1) People assume it's an overdramataziation or they simply don't believe me and they go on to defend my family and/or blame me or 

I understand completely. People don't want to think that these things go on, or that something so terrible could have gone on for years or even decades, with no one being aware of it. Narcissists can be very good at maintaining a shiny exterior, and the level of rot inside is hard for others to even fathom. For whatever it may be worth- I believe you. 

Edited by Genevrier
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1 minute ago, Jellybeans said:

I don't know where to put this question but who will be the next male Duggar to court?  And female?  It's all they seem to do.  ;-)  I have no idea who is "next in line" shall I say...

I don't know either, but I bet the next courtship will be a male Duggar, since 80% of the Duggar kidults (i.e., those over 18) are males.

I think the next one will be Josiah.

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I think Jedidiah. He's tall and slim, relatively attractive, and not noticeably bald.

Josiah is short, greasy faced, got dumped, balding, seems to "sun-in" the rest of his hair, is paunchy and is annoying in his talking heads. 

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It has to be Jed or Jer, the next girl is way too young even by Duggar standards. I don't see JD or Jana ever "courting" on the show. If all the storylines now revolve on the quest for 200 grandbabies, the show will be even more boring than it is now.

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I think a JD and/or Jana courtship is the ace in JB's pocket and won't happen until absolutely necessary (ie show getting cancelled, etc).  My hope is the next courtship will be one of those two but I won't hold my breath.  My assumption would be Josiah.

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On 9/16/2017 at 6:27 PM, Kokapetl said:

 

Josiah is short, greasy faced, got dumped, balding, seems to "sun-in" the rest of his hair, is paunchy and is annoying in his talking heads. 

What a shame. I used to think he was one of the few that had spark and personality, way back when. He's really faded. 

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On 9/16/2017 at 3:48 PM, ozziemom said:

It has to be Jed or Jer, the next girl is way too young even by Duggar standards. I don't see JD or Jana ever "courting" on the show. If all the storylines now revolve on the quest for 200 grandbabies, the show will be even more boring than it is now.

Isn't it almost too late for Jana to contribute 10 kids to the 200? I wonder how she feels every time they mention 200 grandbabies. 

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11 hours ago, TVwithTea said:

Isn't it almost too late for Jana to contribute 10 kids to the 200? I wonder how she feels every time they mention 200 grandbabies. 

Considering Jana's mother was reproducing well into her 40's; it's more than possible that Jana could reach the double digits with a little effort and early weaning as per Michelle.

Let's face it, if they announced a courtship for Jana today, she could easily be married and pregnant by spring.

Edited by doodlebug
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On 9/15/2017 at 5:53 PM, Churchhoney said:

I do think that this is definitely true of some things, but I also think that it depends on what the something is (and who the person is, too). ...For example, I don't think people necessarily actually "miss" a father or even a mother or an education, for example, if they've never had one or known much about it. (I know a lot of people vehemently disagree with me on that, though!). I don't really think that any specific thing is necessarily missed if you haven't experienced. it.

But I also think that, when some things are missing from your life, those things are so essential to the core of anyone's being, that their lack really is going to be something that you "miss" -- in some way. And being conscious of your own wants and able to express them and maybe get some of them is such a basic part of every human existence -- it's so integral to being a living thing at all -- that I really think everybody who doesn't have that misses it in some way -- that they feel stunted or warped or unhappy or incomplete or, most often perhaps, just NUMB in ways that other people never experience.

And that numbness to one's own feelings may not seem like "missing' something. But it's definitely not a normal feeling or a contented or happy feeling. It means that you're operating largely without a will of your own. And while you may not consciously "miss" that will, you're still a warped and degraded and stunted being for not having it, I expect. That's going to be evident in your behavior and affect to anybody who knows you and cares at all, I think. You're a much diminished being from what you could have been, and whether you realize it or not that's sad, I think. 

Not having been raised in that way, it's so hard to imagine what you have been through @Churchhoney. You had the courage to leave that environment and that took tremendous strength. 

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42 minutes ago, bythelake said:

Not having been raised in that way, it's so hard to imagine what you have been through @Churchhoney. You had the courage to leave that environment and that took tremendous strength. 

Thanks for the kind words. Honestly, had I stayed I might have killed someone. Seemed like the smart thing was to go. 

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On 9/18/2017 at 4:33 AM, awaken said:

What a shame. I used to think he was one of the few that had spark and personality, way back when. He's really faded. 

It's what happens when you are sent to indoctrination camp for the better part of a year. I really think they did quite a number on him there, he came back a changed man.

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On 9/16/2017 at 3:27 PM, Kokapetl said:

I think Jedidiah. He's tall and slim, relatively attractive, and not noticeably bald.

Josiah is short, greasy faced, got dumped, balding, seems to "sun-in" the rest of his hair, is paunchy and is annoying in his talking heads. 

I am thinking they won't be using Kokapetl for the marketing campaign to find 'Siah a wife!  

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5 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

You don't think that's the description they'll use on Christian Mingle, do you?

HILARIOUS!  I am thinking Christian Mingle is a little too progressive for them.  Maybe Helpmeets for Headships where you meet at the local Hobby Lobby (I was going to say at the Holiday Inn but that is too close to sin rooms) and its advertised in Highlights magazine cause you know that is the safest reading material.  Let these single kids on the interwebs and satan has a highway straight to their heart.

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1 minute ago, xwordfanatik said:

Dare I ask, what is Kokapetl?

A poster who wrote:  Josiah is short, greasy faced, got dumped, balding, seems to "sun-in" the rest of his hair, is paunchy and is annoying in his talking heads. 

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19 minutes ago, Natalie68 said:

A poster who wrote:  Josiah is short, greasy faced, got dumped, balding, seems to "sun-in" the rest of his hair, is paunchy and is annoying in his talking heads. 

Ah, OK.  I didn't realize it was a user name!  

I have to agree about the Josiah assessment.  I probably already did!  Hey, I'm old...

Dear Josiah really needs that acne stuff I see hawked on TV all the time.  He really looks bad in the TH's.  At least the ones I've seen.  Greasy is probably his shit diet.

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17 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

Ah, OK.  I didn't realize it was a user name!  

I have to agree about the Josiah assessment.  I probably already did!  Hey, I'm old...

Dear Josiah really needs that acne stuff I see hawked on TV all the time.  He really looks bad in the TH's.  At least the ones I've seen.  Greasy is probably his shit diet.

It's me. 

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On 9/15/2017 at 8:26 PM, Genevrier said:

I understand completely. People don't want to think that these things go on, or that something so terrible could have gone on for years or even decades, with no one being aware of it. Narcissists can be very good at maintaining a shiny exterior, and the level of rot inside is hard for others to even fathom. For whatever it may be worth- I believe you. 

Not only that, but they also start to ask questions like, "If you grew up like that, how are you so normal?" Narcissism and the damage it can do to those raised in that type of environment is so misunderstood as a society. I also rarely share my story, because of the above question being asked one too many times.

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20 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Jason. The unlucky kid who fell into the orchestra pit. 

and the one MOTY Michelle took pictures of on her smart phone.  Is the kid ok?  Who cares, this is a great photo shoot & a good chance to pimp out that free phone she received for breeding like a rabbit.

Edited by ariel
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