S05.E22: Where Are They Now? Laura and Chay

[PrincessPurrsALot]

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Surgery enabled Laura's independence but the complications nearly killed her and she's terrified about the next skin surgery. Chay revealed to her family she was transgender but living life as an overweight woman; can she stick to her weight loss journey?

As many of you are aware, one of the My 600 Lb. Life participants featured in this episode came out as a transgender woman in her previous follow up episode.  The episode title identifies her as Chay.  However, in the last update, she asked to be called Lola. Our goal is to make sure we offer her a baseline level of respect -- not only for her but for anyone dealing with issues of self-identification and a sense of one's self.   

Chay is now Lola.  Lola is a she.  She is a woman.  She uses the pronouns she/her/hers. At PTV we encourage reading the GLAAD reference guide.  The key thing to remember is we will not debate her gender identity; we will not support transphobic comments.  Hate speech is, as always, out. Does that end the snark?  Of course not.  After all, we can still snark about the number of times she says “journey” or “I’m going to do it my way” or she puts on 30 pounds while “following the plan.”   Everything else is fair play.  Seriously, with all the name choices available, she picked Lola.  That’s snark-worthy right there. 

P.S. During the episode we learned that Chay decided to go back to being called Chay.   Perhaps Lola was as well-received elsewhere as it was here.  So, Chay is okay to use throughout. 

[aliya]

I had to do stuff (like prep my food for tomorrow and got back after the chat closed. Here are my thoughts about Chay, time, and being too tired to cook. 

I have a sister who is management at a big retailer (not Walmart) that you would all recognize. From Thanksgiving to New Year's, I'm lucky to get in 30 minutes on the phone with her. She has a long day and goes to sleep pretty soon after getting home. Even when it's not the holiday season, she doesn't have 2 days off together, so the idea of spending the 1 day she has to shop, do laundry, etc. doing a batch cook would not fly with her. She often gets restaurant meals because she is too tired to cook.

It's rough work. My sister has been on her feet 9-12 hrs a day for years, and never lost any weight until I taught her to look at fat content and eat mostly vegetarian. She's still very plump; and it's not from lazing around. But that's when you need to learn what prepared or semi-prepared foods you can eat and stock up on them so the right food is there when you're hungry and tired. 

It's easy for me, sitting in an office, or hanging out for years on campuses, to say do this and do that, but people have different struggles. Chay just has to learn more about easy meal prep.

Also, I've done those vision boards. Hint Chay - cut out some magazine pictures or print something from the internet. Really visualize something you want or want to do. Make it pretty, not just some magic marker arrows on some white cardboard.

[mmecorday]

That looked like the most depressing production of "Steel Magnolias" ever at the end. But I bet Chay killed it as Clairee. Oh, and I don't think that moving across the street from her family is going to distance her from the family's food. Has she not seen "Everybody Loves Raymond?"

Poor Laura! She lost all that weight and yet you could tell she was miserable. She needs to get away from the man child and soon. There's someone out there who will give her the love and respect she deserves.

[Tenarife60]

With those people in the park who were cat-calling Chay, like someone else had said I wondered if that wasn't staged or these idiots were performing for the camera because they knew it was there.   The reason is Chay was saying how she hates going outside because of things like this, but she has also said on social media she works as a cashier at a Wal-Mart, so wouldn't that be happening to her everyday on the job if it's happening in a park?

I wonder if she ever started taking hormones? That wasn't said, but I suspect she wasn't because she was saying how badly she wanted her own place and was saving up for it, so it's unlikely she was seeing a doctor and paying for hormones.

[Dot]

Is Laura balding? Or is that a light reflection on her hair?

[Justin Case]

I'm glad both Chay and Laura found self-worth and hope for the future at long last, but did it really have to take 4 hours of television viewing? Oh, it was only 2...

[Noirprncess]

I couldn't deal with the sad sack Chay portions.  Glad for fast forwarding on the DVR.

I agree that I wouldn't want Laura doing my makeup but I'm glad to see she made great progress.

[Guest]

Hooray for Laura for continuing to be motivated to improve herself despite being homeless, having family problems, and living with a guy she's no longer in love with and clearly feels obligated to stay with. I really hope she follows through and goes to school and becomes self sufficient.

As for Chay, she's clearly working at a Wal-mart. She could have just as easily visited their grocery section and picked up something easy to prepare (or already prepared) and far less caloric and expensive than a #2 Value Meal at McDonalds.  But, unlike Laura, when that level of despair and depression and isolation are your constant companions, I guess it's easier and more comforting for her to fall back into bad habits to minimize her feelings of being trapped and worthless.  I hope she doesn't have to deal with a lot of shit from customers at Wal-mart though. We have a handful of Starbucks in my area and each one employs a transgender teen and it makes my heart happy to see them but I always worry about the cruelty (if any) they face from other people who aren't so pleased.

Chay, if you're reading, keep your chin up -- and for god's sakes, throw out that housecoat! 

[AVM]

Three years to find a gym and go exercise ?

[Threnners]

I read on a FB group that Joey doesn't work because he has Multiple Sclerosis.   

[jacksgirl]

Interested in the definition of homeless in regards to Laura. As a teacher, I know our district classifies kids as homeless if they live short term with a family member other than parent/guardian,  if they are in a hotel or shelter, and a few other categories. I am assuming they were never "on the street ", they did seem to have lots of family who would let them live with them.

[dahling]

Some wise person on these boards commented during Chay's last follow-up episode that if Chay thought it was hard living as an overweight man, wait 'til Chay lived life as an overweight woman. Bingo, right on the nose. So many excuses. Every fast food restaurant has a salad. Or even if you must have the burger you don't have to get the fries, too. I get that's what Chay wants, but Chay knows better. What a depressing little shithole Chay moved into at the end. Yeah, I'm sure that'll help tons.

Laura - lost so much weight and yet looked like the crypt keeper, poor thing. :( She also still walked quite gingerly, even at 180 lbs. I keep wanting to call her husband Gilbert. Who the hell is he to tell her she can't go to cosmetology school and get a job? Run away Laura, and you go do your thing.   

[Morgalisa]

16 minutes ago, Threnners said:

I read on a FB group that Joey doesn't work because he has Multiple Sclerosis.   

I worked with a man for more than 10 years who had MS. They marked a parking spot for him near the door. But, he never used it unless he was having a bad flair. One time someone noticed he wasnt out of his car yet and went out and helped him inside. So, I guess Im saying that Joey seemed in pretty good shape compared to my coworker. 

[suzeecat]

What kind of loser is Laura's husband that he feels inadequate with a woman who is healthy and mobile!?!  He could obviously get a job as a caretaker since that's what he was doing for his wife when she was not able to care for herself. 

I feel so much better about my thin hair after seeing Laura's.  Wow, I could almost count her hairs through my TV! 

[gonecrackers]

I know this surgery cuts nutrients & can cause hair thinning/loss, but Laura's was already thin before & now the loss seems extreme. I hope she's being tested for any other disorders; endocrine issues can cause hair loss so I really hope it's not being ignored.

[QuinnInND]

I've been lurking for a while, and finally decided to jump in. 

Why do these women stay with these guys? Joey doesn't like Laura losing weight and being able to do for herself. She could lose a couple hundred more pounds if she got rid of him. Good for her for going to school like she wanted to.  But they were so poor they got kicked out of their apartment, but she's carrying a Michael Kor purse? Really? 

I hope Chay gets a fashion makeover. She needs some help with her makeup and clothes.  

Those nails on the woman!! Good grief! How do you do anything with those?  Wow. 

[Tenarife60]

2 hours ago, Morgalisa said:

I worked with a man for more than 10 years who had MS. They marked a parking spot for him near the door. But, he never used it unless he was having a bad flair. One time someone noticed he wasnt out of his car yet and went out and helped him inside. So, I guess Im saying that Joey seemed in pretty good shape compared to my coworker. 

I wondered if that's why he doesn't appear to be getting disability benefits because his condition isn't severe enough to qualify. 

[sainte-chapelle]

51 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

I've been lurking for a while, and finally decided to jump in. 

Why do these women stay with these guys? Joey doesn't like Laura losing weight and being able to do for herself. She could lose a couple hundred more pounds if she got rid of him. Good for her for going to school like she wanted to.  But they were so poor they got kicked out of their apartment, but she's carrying a Michael Kor purse? Really? 

I hope Chay gets a fashion makeover. She needs some help with her makeup and clothes.  

Those nails on the woman!! Good grief! How do you do anything with those?  Wow. 

I'm hoping the bag is a knock off or perhaps a gift 

[auntjess]

Does Chay not have internet access?  I can't imagine why she wouldn't look online for support groups, as others have suggested.
Hey, that's what we are, a group that tells each other "it's OK to watch trash TV."  "You are not alone."
Seriously, that's the first place I'd go.
And at Walmart's produce section, she can get those little plastic containers with carrot sticks et al, ready to eat.

[Toaster Strudel]

This episode (combined with a few recent others) was pretty revealing for me as to why some men take care of women that are completely immobilized and 100% dependent because of their weight.  It's no surprise that there is some degree of fat fetish involved ("Where's your butt?") but I was not expecting this frequency of men being into so much physical dependence that includes cleaning up pee pads, feces stuck in the crack, washing broken skin under skin folds, and non-stop fetching of pizzas and hamburgers.

Laura's husband did not appear to be a sparkling conversationalist.

[islandgal140]

I can understand food, drug, alcohol addiction. I can somewhat understand eating disorders, OCD and other mental illness but for the life of me I will never understand men like Gilbert and Joey (or women for that matter) who need their significant other to be absolutely dependent upon them or else they feel useless. Seriously. Who wants to have to bathe, talc powder down, feed and clean after a grown ass human being 24/7 if there is another choice?

Laura was lucky in that she didn't carry much weight in her lower body, like her legs and ankles. I did wonder why she didn't opt for a wig because her balding seem to get progressively worse as time went on. 

I was wondering if there was an online trans community that Chay could reach out to. In this day and age, you would think there would be.

Much like the other ladies on this show, Chay could use a good bra fitting.

So glad Chay dropped the Lola name. It is hackneyed and trite and frankly, just didn't suit her. I did LOL when she said people were referring to her as Ms. Chay and she pondered whether she looked that old. Not really but she definitely carries herself older than her years. 

[hnygrl]

4 hours ago, dahling said:

I keep wanting to call her husband Gilbert. Who the hell is he to tell her she can't go to cosmetology school and get a job? Run away Laura, and you go do your thing.   

ME TOO!!!! I kept thinking of her abusive a-hole of a spouse as "Gilbert" and honestly? 
I still do.

I kept yelling at the TV for Chay to MOVE TO HOUSTON!!! You're NOT gonna find any help/support in New Iberia, Louisiana! You have nobody anyway. You're "lonely" and "all alone in the world" (Quotes because obvi she's living with family) anyway so MOVE TO HOUSTON where you can get the moral and psychological support you so desperately need!

WHY STAY where you're THAT miserable? Makes no sense to me. None. I know Chay's depressed, probably clinically, but damn. MOVE. If hometown life is that miserable then move to the city, Hell, move to NEW ORLEANS! She'd find more support there than even Texas. I honestly lost patience with Chay. So sad, so miserable, so wallowy...moved out of the family home but stayed in New Iberia? What was the point? There's still nothing FOR YOU there.

Hopefully the next update will have Chay in a large metropolitan city with a huge circle of LGBTQ friends.

Laura? I'm glad she's not letting her husband (what IS his name? He's forever "gilbert" to me now) stop her from succeeding, but yeah no...I wouldn't want her doing my makeup either...

[Tenarife60]

59 minutes ago, auntjess said:

Does Chay not have internet access?  I can't imagine why she wouldn't look online for support groups, as others have suggested.
Hey, that's what we are, a group that tells each other "it's OK to watch trash TV."  "You are not alone."
Seriously, that's the first place I'd go.
And at Walmart's produce section, she can get those little plastic containers with carrot sticks et al, ready to eat.

She has internet and I wondered the same thing because what she was saying didn't make any sense.  She even told her therapist she had no support in her area, but she left out in her previous update she was performing, singing, in a gay bar so she obviously knew transgender people nearby.  I think it was scripted because she said in a Facebook group that some of the scenes were staged.  Probably like her saying she was so poor she was saving up to get her own place, despite having a GoFundMe account, then telling Dr. Now she wanted to get this done soon so she could get her sex-change operation.  Where was that money coming from?  If you can't afford rent, I don't know how you can afford a sex-change.

I thought the same thing about her working at Wal-Mart and being able to buy nearly everything there including salads.

Edited June 1, 2017 by KittyKat94
misspelled word

[auntjess]

7 minutes ago, islandgal140 said:

I will never understand men like Gilbert and Joey (or women for that matter) who need their significant other to be absolutely dependent upon them or else they feel useless.

And don't forget the mothers who are like that too.  Sean's wasn't the only one who felt that you had to feed your child if they were hungry.

[QuinnInND]

7 minutes ago, hnygrl said:

 

Laura? I'm glad she's not letting her husband (what IS his name? He's forever "gilbert" to me now) 

Joey? I think? He was Gilbert to me too. Same attitude. 

[4leafclover]

Quote

Joey? I think? He was Gilbert to me too. Same attitude. 

Same wardrobe too.

[CatherineM]

If Joey's on SSI, and she gets a job, he'll lose his disability. 

[xwordfanatik]

I hope Chay does move out of what seems to be a small town, and into a city that is more progressive.  Earning opportunities might be better as well.  

Laura has had a hard road too, and I'm glad she's looking into school.  Even with not having skin removal yet, she's looking like she's happy to be doing something away from whats-his-name.  Joey & Gilbert are controlling a-holes, IMO.  

[Tenarife60]

33 minutes ago, CatherineM said:

If Joey's on SSI, and she gets a job, he'll lose his disability. 

That happened with Bettiejo and Josh.  In their original episode neither was working and they had their own apartment, then in their update they moved back to Missouri, were living with family and Josh had a job.  Bettiejo tries to make money on the side, but she did tell someone on Facebook she doesn't get SSI.  I think the only reason for that is because she lost her benefits when Josh started working.

[HelloOutThere]

This was probably mentioned in the Live Chat thread (I always miss them when they're live, and they're not as fun to read after-the-fact), but I thought it was hilarious that the baby-voiced, airbrushed-faced therapist Ms. Chay visited was named...........LOLA. I was hoping for a reaction from Ms. Chay along the lines of "that was my name too! But that was 20 years ago....when I used to have a show..."

I'll stop now. 

[Justin Case]

The sleep-eating discussion was a wtf moment until I remembered a friend explaining away her unplanned pregnancy on sleep-sexing. If she'd been aware of what was happening, she'd have told her partner it wasn't the right time. Hopefully whatever Chay ate was more satisfying.

[Miss Ruth]

I wonder if Joey and Gilbert buy their clothes at the same store.

[IvySpice]

C'mon, Chay. Stock up when the Lean Cuisines are on sale for $2 each and you'll have a freezer full of dinners that are even faster/easier than the drive-thru.

It's also bizarre that Chay/the scriptwriters would have a crazy line like "I'm still searching for a trans community in New Iberia." Yeah, in 1960 when there was no Internet and everyone was living in the closet, maybe you could turn someone up in a months-long search. Nowadays, if it doesn't come up on Google, it DOESN'T EXIST. You can either move to the city or accept that there is no trans community in Cajun country and get kinship online. Don't claim that you're spending months searching for something that isn't there. Houston is one of the cheapest big cities to live in, and there are plenty of Wal-Marts to work at.

That said, I spent a few days in the New Iberia region this spring, and there cannot be a worse place in the United States of America to be on a diet. EVERYTHING there is about celebrating the amazing, rich, carb-laden local food culture. Think heavy, dark stews over big scoops of rice. I guess a table full of boiled crawfish would be a high-protein choice. But it looks like Chay was all about the fast food regardless. If I were going to blow my diet in Louisiana, I'd be going to the soul food cafeteria, not Burger King. Make those calories worthwhile!

I am not over the trans mentor's crazy nails. They will haunt me in the night.

Too bad we didn't get to see a clip of Chay's Clairee. What a perfect role. Community theater is definitely the way to find allies in a small town even if all the other LGBTs have left.

[Otter]

In Chay's original episode, he (proper pronoun for her then) appeared to be just a great, self-taught home cook.  He even made clarified butter when describing the menu with grandma and grandpa.  She should pursue culinary school.  Real passion IMO.

What ever happened to grandpa anyway?  In the original episode, after his wife died there was never another mention.  Hope someone is taking care of him.  

Maybe she should move to NOLA.  

[dahling]

It shouldn't matter if Chay lived in a Krispy Kreme. The fact is that the world is full of food that Chay can't eat, and Chay needs to stick with Chay's own plan.  Driving through for burgers and fries isn't laziness or exhaustion: it's addiction, plain and simple. Chay's going to have a really rough time of it while that's out of control. The gall of asking Dr. Now for a surgery revision! "I'm eating burgers and fries so I need another surgery to make me stop."  That's not the way it works, Chay darling. (I can't remember if Chay originally had full GB or sleeve?)

[DeeReynolds]

I saw a creepy clown mask in Laura and Joey's apartment. Maybe Joey is one of those clown people that stand on the side of the road and scare the shit out of people as his side gig. His full time gig being bitchy and whining of course about how his wife wants to be healthy and a contributing member of society, heaven forbid. 

[QuinnInND]

30 minutes ago, DeeReynolds said:

I saw a creepy clown mask in Laura and Joey's apartment. 

Thank God I missed that!! 

[Bellalisa]

7 hours ago, CatherineM said:

If Joey's on SSI, and she gets a job, he'll lose his disability. 

No he won't. It is based on does HE not have any money that he owns. If all her money she makes is in her name, he won't lose his SSI. He can't have more than a few hundred dollars in the bank or own anything. I know my disabled son gets SSI and he lives with me and I can have money, he can't.

"I did wonder why she didn't opt for a wig because her balding seem to get progressively worse as time went on."

Well there are a lot of reasons. I have pretty much the same baldness going on. It's not an endocrine disorder, it's not a bad diet, it's nt lack of vitamins. It started when I was around 19. It's very common and it is male pattern baldness in women.  I got tested for all sorts of things when it first started, some doctor told me I had lupus which I don't. Another doctor told me it was probably cancer. I tried every vitamin cure known to man. Then it got really bad so I wore hair replacement systems and wigs for 12 years. The really nice human hair that looks real cost me about $1500 for the wig and to maintain about $100 a month and they wore out. So every 18 months or so I had to shell out another $1500. Then I would go in and have it glued down and sewn in at a salon when it started to come loose for $100 plus tip. It looked fantastic but it cost a fortune. Now one could really tell but i was subconcous all the time that it was slipping or showing...or was getting loose and I needed to go in....It is an extremely expensive thing to do...then i started buying my own human hair wigs on line and gluing them on myself, I had all these attachment methods and tapes and glues and all these wigs all over my house - I spent a fortune anyway doing it myself. Then I went to hair extensions but my hair was really too thin for that. One place did it anyway for $650 and the tape showed! I tried another place and they did a great job but it was $1300 and lasted 2 months. I finally gave up and now I go au natural.   A shitty wig is cheap and looks like a shitty wig. All wigs, human or synthetic SUCK to wear. You are hot, they sweat, you are always worried someone is noticing. I finally said Fuck It and now I have a big thinning hair problem but I don't care. People who have nice hair don't know how lucky they are. Don't rag on her about this, there is nothing she can do and she can't afford the hair replacement. If she goes to beauty school she may be able to find a decent hair extension method or hair replacement method that she can do herself that would be inexpensive. I feel sorry for her about this. It stinks- there is no really easy solution..wigs are horrible!! I had one custom made in Korea or something it cost $600 I meausured my head they mailed it to me it had like this weird plastic skin and didnt really fit right..I couldnt return it..i have stories!!! Then I just had a fake ponytail for awhile.... My mother just mailed me a bottle of Biotin- someone told her it cures baldness in women. As If I didn't try that!

Anyway Chay is addicted to food, you can get a salad and 2 regular burgers at the drive thru and throw away the bread. You dont need to get a Big Mac, Fries and Soda. Ridiculous. 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Bellalisa

[Aw my lahgs]

Chay is afraid to fall back in old ways, yet she gets fried food twice a day? Like that's not falling back into old ways?

[Lizz]

It said that Laura is anorexic. This could be the cause of her extremely thin hair. Maybe the make-up school can help her get a wig or some extensions.  And maybe her new self-esteem can help her lose her ratchet husband. 

[Aw my lahgs]

25 minutes ago, Lizz said:

It said that Laura is anorexic. This could be the cause of her extremely thin hair. Maybe the make-up school can help her get a wig or some extensions.  And maybe her new self-esteem can help her lose her ratchet husband. 

Getting gastric bypass makes the absorption of nutrients very hard. That alone plus the anesthesia can cause hair loss, as well as all the hormonal changes.

[CatherineM]

42 minutes ago, Bellalisa said:

No he won't. It is based on does HE not have any money that he owns. If all her money she makes is in her name, he won't lose his SSI. He can't have more than a few hundred dollars in the bank or own anything. I know my disabled son gets SSI and he lives with me and I can have money, he can't.

 

Spouses are treated differently than kids on SSI.  The income limit varies by state, but over a certain amount, and the spouse loses SSI. It doesn't work that way for SSD. I haven't practiced law in a decade, but I don't think it's changed that much. 

[Pretty5Vacant]

Chay works so hard at being feminine and Joe doesn't even have to. It's not right. I do pull for Chay though, he seems like he'd be a nice friend to have

[mamadrama]

18 hours ago, sainte-chapelle said:

I'm hoping the bag is a knock off or perhaps a gift 

Or she bought it at a yard sale, Goodwill, etc.

[spacefly]

22 hours ago, Morgalisa said:

I worked with a man for more than 10 years who had MS. They marked a parking spot for him near the door. But, he never used it unless he was having a bad flair. One time someone noticed he wasnt out of his car yet and went out and helped him inside. So, I guess Im saying that Joey seemed in pretty good shape compared to my coworker. 

MS is a crazy disease that can cripple you for life or for a day and then come back 5 years later and kill you. There are a variety of forms that either go into remission or are a constant issue. My husband functions fine but when he flares it is awful and I think he is always a bit more worn out than the average person. It can generally be a worse disease for women to fight than for men.

[steff13]

11 hours ago, CatherineM said:

Spouses are treated differently than kids on SSI.  The income limit varies by state, but over a certain amount, and the spouse loses SSI. It doesn't work that way for SSD. I haven't practiced law in a decade, but I don't think it's changed that much. 

You're correct. 

Joey wouldn't necessarily lose his SSI, but his receipt will be affected by Laura's income.  If he is receiving SSD, that is based on what he earned when he was working, and it wouldn't be affected by Laura's income. 

[gunderda]

On 5/31/2017 at 9:20 PM, aliya said:

I have a sister who is management at a big retailer (not Walmart) that you would all recognize. From Thanksgiving to New Year's, I'm lucky to get in 30 minutes on the phone with her. She has a long day and goes to sleep pretty soon after getting home. Even when it's not the holiday season, she doesn't have 2 days off together, so the idea of spending the 1 day she has to shop, do laundry, etc. doing a batch cook would not fly with her. She often gets restaurant meals because she is too tired to cook.

Then that company (or store) sucks big time because my brother has also works in retail management for a large retailer and even when he was just department management he got every other weekend off and now that he's actual store management he only works every 3rd weekend.  But yea, the hours are weird and crazy, it's not consistent (and for many years he was a single dad with 2 kids but is now married) and needless to say he doesn't do well with dieting or eating well either! 

 

I'm so glad Chay decided to keep the name Chay.  Lola just didn't work for her..... and that would have been a really weird segment if she would have been Lola meeting Lola the therapist... just like wearing identical blue dresses with the other transgender lady. 

 

The full bypass was apparently very successful for Laura. She lost so much weight right at the end!  I hope if she goes to school she learns how to tone down her makeup.... her heavy makeup ages her so much.

[Tabbygirl521]

3 hours ago, mamadrama said:

Or she bought it at a yard sale, Goodwill, etc.

Michael Kors has a more affordable line that sells at TJ Maxx , etc. 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Tabbygirl521

[QuinnInND]

23 minutes ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

Michael Kors has a more affordable line that sells at TJ Maxx , etc. 

Really? I didn't know that.  I would love one of those bags, so I'll have to hit up TJ Maxx. Thank you. 

[AZChristian]

40 minutes ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

Michael Kors has a more affordable line that sells at TJ Maxx , etc. 

I found out that the purses at Michael Kors outlet stores are also that lower-cost line.  Plus, it's amazing how many designer bags and clothes are donated to Goodwill, so you can sometimes find things there.