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The Other Duggars: The Lost Girls and Amy

Ljohnson1987

By Ljohnson1987
in Counting On

Scarlett45
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superguard9

superguard9

I hope the news that Joe is away at school doesn't mean we're subjected to more of MEchelle "tearfully" talking about another one of her babies leaving, and how hard it is for her. Bitch please. She probably has no idea which kids are around at any given time (unless they are needed or filming), nor does she care. It's not like any of them are HER responsibility.

 

Crown College isn't much different from the TTH regarding rules, and the Bateses are nearby to spy for Jim Bob, but I want Joseph to expose himself to as many new experiences as possible without his weirdo parents around to taint/control the situation. I too always thought he was similar to JD but maybe he's paving the way for some of the younger boys (let's not pretend any of the girls have a chance to go) to get some actual book learnin' and maybe one day develop independent critical thinking skills.

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doodlebug
doodlebug

While I generally find the Duggars' views on gender roles reprehensible, learning to sew is a great skill to have, whether as a hobby or a career.  Sure, these girls probably weren't offered a chance

doodlebug
doodlebug

I dunno, it doesn't bother me like old dudes in banana hammocks.  But I am one of those weirdos who thinks pregnant women's bodies are amazing.  I also agree that Amy is looking darned good and I don'

Churchhoney
Churchhoney

Ah, yes, Duggar Family Official. So deeply concerned about the unborn.  But when it comes to the born-but-then-dropped-after-six-months-like-a-hot-potato-people, they don't concern you a bit

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mbutterfly

mbutterfly

I wouldn't be surprised if interracial students were international students. Many schools attract them either because they come from families wealthy enough to pay full price (desperately needed) or because they are missionary students with a relationship with the school.

GEML, do you believe there are not American people of color in this religious constellation (for lack of a better word)?

Fuzzysox

Fuzzysox

I wouldn't be surprised if interracial students were international students. Many schools attract them either because they come from families wealthy enough to pay full price (desperately needed) or because they are missionary students with a relationship with the school.

What would happen if Kirk Cameron decided to send his adopted daughter there?( she is black) Would she be welcomed or not?

riverblue22

riverblue22

What would happen if Kirk Cameron decided to send his adopted daughter there?( she is black) Would she be welcomed or not?

 

    From what I have read this is a problem for conservative families that have adopted non-Caucasian children.  It's fine to adopt them, but they aren't allowed to date.  I read an article about a family that adopted a girl from Haiti, and she was left out of the prom because there were no black boys to go to the dance with.  I don't think we will ever see a Duggar dating a minority person.  And maybe that is why the Gothard cult discourages adoption.

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GEML

GEML

To be honest, it's really hard. Everyone talks a good game until it comes down to dating. I'm NOT talking about mainstream or traditional evangelical churches here (although all groups have individual bigots, even liberal ones) but these subgroups are really harsh on bi-racial or adopted children being raised within them. The sense of isolation and "what do I keep doing wrong?" can be incredibly destructive, even when their immediate family is a kind and loving one.

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Fuzzysox

Fuzzysox

To be honest, it's really hard. Everyone talks a good game until it comes down to dating. I'm NOT talking about mainstream or traditional evangelical churches here (although all groups have individual bigots, even liberal ones) but these subgroups are really harsh on bi-racial or adopted children being raised within them. The sense of isolation and "what do I keep doing wrong?" can be incredibly destructive, even when their immediate family is a kind and loving one.

You just confirmed what I've always thought. 

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3girlsforus

3girlsforus

A rumor mill article about a possible Joseph and Tori Bates match.  They mention Jana and Lawson too.  Fun reading anyway:)

 

http://www.inquisitr.com/1786673/joseph-duggar-and-tori-bates-courting-joseph-moves-just-30-minutes-away-from-bates-family/

Well I guess its as good a theory as any as to why Joseph suddenly is off to college without any previous indication that he wanted to go.

WTFFF

WTFFF

I can see why they would think a Tori/Joseph pairing is a good idea.  He's a shy, introverted guy; Tori is bubbly and outgoing.  The Duggars are convinced that opposite personalities + identical religious beliefs = your perfect match. 

 

Tori is adorable.  I think she can aim higher.  At the very least, wait until Jed or Jer is of age, or ask Josiah out.  They actually seem pretty smart. 

floridamom

floridamom

Why do you posters think the Bates/Duggar friendship has gone sour? Michelle frequently states what great, close friends she and Kelly Joe are. Either way, I do believe that a friendship between parents can be affected negatively when their children marry...it changes the dynamics of the friendship to become family.

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DoctorWhovian

DoctorWhovian

Why do you posters think the Bates/Duggar friendship has gone sour? Michelle frequently states what great, close friends she and Kelly Joe are. Either way, I do believe that a friendship between parents can be affected negatively when their children marry...it changes the dynamics of the friendship to become family.

The internet likes to speculate based on one offhand comment or photo or look. It reminds me of those "body language experts" that sometimes do articles in the tabloids. So and so wants to get pregnant because she's touching her stomach in this picture. And look at how he walks half a step ahead of her? He's asserting his dominance and showing her that he's in charge and ready to be in a serious relationship!

 

It's weird. Look at all the different theories and rumors that end up getting passed around as truth here. Someone saw something once in an episode and that means that this child is totally going to break away or hates their other sibling or whatever the story is. Best is when someone brings up something from an old episode, then when they watch it on Netflix and they can't find that moment they were talking about, it means it must have been edited out! Sure, that's possible. But it's best not to pass something off as real if you can't back it up. 

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Barb23

Barb23

Just a thought about the Duggar/bates. On the 2 hour episode of Jerick's wedding, the Bates weren't mentioned or referenced once. They were shown at the rehearsal dinner but quickly , just as the camera scanned the crowds at the tables. If they were such great friends, I would have thought there would have been at least a 30 second TH of Gil & Kelly saying how nice it was to share in Jill's big day.

Someone also mentioned that Boob & MEchelle could be jealous of the Bates new show. After all, the Duggars think THEY are the only family that has 19 children.

BitterApple

BitterApple

(edited)

I always thought the Duggar/Bates friendship was more Frenemies than BFF's (God, I sound like I'm twelve). When Erin got married, Jill referred to her as one of the J'Slaves' best friends, yet none of them were in the wedding and IMO, Erin didn't seem particularly thrilled to have them hovering around while she was getting ready. Although I should add that Jana did get the privilege of shuffling back and forth to carry notes to Chad, as if that poor girl hasn't been stripped of all her dignity as it is:)

 

I think there is some jealousy over the Bateses new show and the fact that Gil and Kelly are coming off a thousand times better than Boob and Michelle.

Edited by BitterApple
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cereality

cereality

I don't know if the Bates/Duggar friendship has soured or if there wasn't that deep of a friendship to start with. The first time the Bates ever appeared on the Duggars' show, they said something like -- we met at a homeschool/other fundie conference and we haven't seen each other in 5-10 years. How close friends are you if you don't see each other regularly? Then it seemed like TLC wanted story lines and the Duggars probably mentioned the Bates so we got treated to trips to Tn. showing how 2 mega families interact. I'm not sure that that makes you BFFs. Of course it was the Christian thing to do for the Bates to invite the Duggars in, and they benefited too -- getting a home renovation they desperately needed and a short lived TLC show; I bet they thought of the Duggars as a "blessing" -- i.e. they needed a bigger house and some money and God sent them the Duggars and TLC. Since then I bet they've kept in touch bc the Bates know they may benefit more in the future -- and frankly the exposure on TLC obviously played a part in them getting a following, which I'm sure leads to all kinds of fan gifts and love offerings at Erin, Zach, and Alyssa's weddings, people who will buy Lawson's CDs, a show on UPTv, easier for their kids to get jobs because there's a chance people in Tn will say -- oh right, you're Erin's fiancé, we saw you on TV -- we could use another worker at our metals factory and we know you're a stand up guy moving here to marry the Bates daughter.

 

I'm sure through all this the families have gotten to know each other better than they did when they just saw each other at conferences. It's likely that Kelly and Gil do see the Duggars as being boorish. Their howlers are unruly, while the Bates' little kids seem well behaved. I mean JB thinks nothing of showing up with his brood of 19 on short notice or just staying extra days after he shows up; I mean having that many extra people visit is an inconvenient no matter how nice your hosts are. Just because you stopped to fellowship on your way to DC doesn't mean you have to park yourselves for an extra 2 days because your hosts are kicking you out and you're in no rush to get to DC.

 

I don't see Tori/Carlin with Joseph. I feel like the girls (whichever one he supposedly wants to court) won't go for it. Or Kelly may quietly tell them -- don't start a "get to know you period" unless you REALLY want to court him bc it'll look "bad" or lead to tension with a "known" family in Gothard world if after 2 weeks you decide he's a dud and it'll hurt the girls when they're looking for a real fundie courtship bc word may have gotten out that they've rejected a Duggar. I mean I think a Tori-Joseph marriage could work, but wouldn't be fun for Tori. She seems sassy and real and seems like she has friends and wants "excitement' and he seems like a dud just like JD, who'd be happy living a herp derp country life and probably sees Nashville as a BIG vacation. Meanwhile I feel like she'd want someone like Chad -- someone who wants to do stuff, saves up to take her to Ireland on a honeymoon, and generally seems to be funny/have some personality. OTOH -- she could wear the pants in the marriage bc Joseph seems so reserved and clueless that just getting sex may be enough for him to say yes to anything -- it could look like a Ben and Jessa pairing, though he's no where as hot as Ben and has the typical Duggar male look -- I can see him getting pudgy by age 25 and he already has the receding hairline.

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GEML

GEML

I think the Duggars make great casual friends. You see that a lot in the Fundy world. You speak the same language and it seems like you have so much in common so you talk and talk and talk but really all anyone had said has been half jargon. People enjoy the "fellowship" but the relationships never deepen.

I'm skeptical of a Bates/Duggar match, and EXTREMELY skeptical that JB would pay to send Joseph to college for that reason. He'd simply "hire" him out to work for Gil Bates cutting trees or something. No need to cough up tuition money.

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Sew Sumi

Sew Sumi

I'm pretty sure that the Bates were filming their reality show around that time. They might have been contractually obligated not appear as part of a storyline on a competing reality show outside of those quick camera scans.

The footage shot for the Bateses' show so far has all been from last fall; Whitney's shower (and Trace's crash) in late September was the earliest event. So no, their taping didn't overlap with Duggar taping for Jill's wedding, although it DID for Jessa's (and the Bateses said that some kids were "at a wedding" when they went on a roadtrip missing a few...that could have been Jessa's, where Erin pounded the ivories). Sure, the Bateses' show would have been negotiated by Jill's wedding, but since Erin was shown pounding the ivories there, I don't think a Bates ban was in place. I think that TLC just wanted to make it All About Jerick (as it should have been).

cmr2014

cmr2014

JB and J'chelle are followers. As many other posters have pointed out, they haven't matured much beyond middle school and I think that with Gothard out of the picture they are lost for direction.

 

I don't think it just competitiveness that got JB rolling on finding suitors for his daughters. He got the idea from Gil Bates and followed his lead. And, while I'm sure that the Duggars have always been anti-abortion, it didn't really become a big part of their schtick until Ben showed up -- it's something he's really passionate about.

 

I'm sure that they are following someone's lead (perhaps the Bates) in sending Joseph to Crown College.

 

As to the friendship with the Bates -- the Duggars don't have any friends -- not in the sense that most people use that word. I think that JB and J'chelle have personality problems that prevent them from forming friendships, but the kids have just never have the opportunity. It makes me all kinds of sad to hear the J'Slaves talk about their sisters as their "best friends." They only have each other, they have no friends. It requires spending time together and really talking -- not just "fellowshipping" about favorite Bible verses -- to develop friendships, and that has just not been possible in their lives.

 

I realize that many homeschoolers arrange activities with other families that allow their children to develop friendships that would normally form among neighbors and school-mates, but that clearly hasn't happened with the Duggars. They have intentionally isolated their children, and a few days a year a Big Sandy is not sufficient for forming real relationships. Even when they do have the opportunity to spend time with other young people, I think that they are all very guarded, and I don't think they "fellowship" much beyond "Hi, I love Jesus, do you?" "Why, yes, I love Jesus, too!"

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Itsnotreality

Itsnotreality

TLC must have some frank discussions with the Duggars to say they need more than making tater tot casserole recipes to keep this show going. The dragged out wedding last season seemed filling in gaps of either nothing else going on or nothing else going on Duggars wanted to show.

There would have to be $$ bonuses for things like births being filmed (because as discussed otherwise goes far beyond avg persons modesty standards to show that on tv!... Why would they agree if not $$$) and I wonder if there was a requirement from TLC to have a kid go to college simply as a storyline. Clown college is as far as JB would go.

Another season of weddings and babies just isn't enough.

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GEML

GEML

Keep in mind that it was always Gothard policy that families deliberately isolate each other and NOT make close friendships with other people for fear wives would talk to other wives and children to other children. This meant stories such as abuse or unhappiness could be spread or magnified and encouraged and Gothard felt this would quickly lead to the husband losing control. Occasional "fellowship" was ok, but real friendship was dangerous for all involved.

The Bates live in a world and culture and until recently, attended a church where that was much more difficult. Plus, I think there wasn't much to worry about in their home. It was full blown Fundy, but not by those standards, weirdly so.

I think there are some things (mildly) "off" about the Duggars. They appear very open but I've know LOTS of families like that. It's actually a form of deflection. Forming close friendships outside of their family could be very threatening to them.

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trimthatfat

trimthatfat

(edited)

I realize that many homeschoolers arrange activities with other families that allow their children to develop friendships that would normally form among neighbors and school-mates, but that clearly hasn't happened with the Duggars. They have intentionally isolated their children, and a few days a year a Big Sandy is not sufficient for forming real relationships. Even when they do have the opportunity to spend time with other young people, I think that they are all very guarded, and I don't think they "fellowship" much beyond "Hi, I love Jesus, do you?" "Why, yes, I love Jesus, too!"

After looking at Jessa's wedding party, I wonder how true this is. She had a lot of bridesmaids and several were not related to her. I doubt she'd invite people to join her at the altar if they weren't genuinely close to her - she just doesn't strike me as the type. Anyways, I do think the kids have friendships with others. We just don't see it.

Edited by trimthatfat
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3girlsforus

3girlsforus

Keep in mind that it was always Gothard policy that families deliberately isolate each other and NOT make close friendships with other people for fear wives would talk to other wives and children to other children. This meant stories such as abuse or unhappiness could be spread or magnified and encouraged and Gothard felt this would quickly lead to the husband losing control. Occasional "fellowship" was ok, but real friendship was dangerous for all involved.

The Bates live in a world and culture and until recently, attended a church where that was much more difficult. Plus, I think there wasn't much to worry about in their home. It was full blown Fundy, but not by those standards, weirdly so.

I think there are some things (mildly) "off" about the Duggars. They appear very open but I've know LOTS of families like that. It's actually a form of deflection. Forming close friendships outside of their family could be very threatening to them.

 

Isolating wives from each other is a polygamist tactic as well. The wives are expected to socialize only with themselves and the kids otherwise they might have a thought for themselves. When you raise your children to follow ridiculous cult-like rules you better be sure they don't talk to too many people about it or they might find out how dumb it really is. 

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cereality

cereality

First Derick shows up with a hairy face. Then Ben soon followed, and then Josh. Now, I see Joseph has also joined the crowd, and I think maybe Josiah. Do they hero worship Derick, or what?

Beards are in generally -- every other guy I know has a scruffy beard going on right now. Plus in that family it's all about what you're "allowed" to do. Once Derick showed up with a beard, Joseph and Josiah could follow suit without JB telling them to go shave -- I mean if your son in law has a beard, why can't I? I haven't seen any recent pics; I'm a bit surprised about Joseph though -- Crown College seems SO conservative that you'd think they'd have rules about haircuts and beards -- i.e. all men must be clean shaven.

Mrsjumbo

Mrsjumbo

About friends- I was in a mom's group some time ago & there was a woman who joined. Not to be too stereotypical, but she had very long hair, no makeup, & dressed very plainly with a long skirt. She seemed kind of humorless too. She mentioned that her kids were going to play at the Duggars house. I'm not sure how superficial the friendship was- she did have that "churchy" vibe- but they did at that time invite other kids over, apparently.

GEML

GEML

(edited)

Disney owns other production companies that make movies that are NOT appropriate. Plus, someone could see your car in the movie lot and not realize you were seeing the Disney movie, but seeing something far more risqué. Believe me, I can do all of this stuff cold. ;)

And of course the Duggars will invite children over to play. It's part of their ministry. I'd be more interested in how often the Duggars allow their children to go to other children's homes where they can't control the environment.

Edited by GEML
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Skittl1321

Skittl1321

 

That said, Crown College does have some ways to go in a variety of areas. Still, it's far better than College Plus.

I don't know- College Plus is NOT a college, but the tests it leads you to take can be accepted for credit at actual accredited institutions. (College Plus is just an expensive study guide for CLEP and AP, really).  Crown College isn't accredited. It's basically a waste of time as a credential. (I don't think learning for the sake of learning could be a waste of time, but my opinion is that what they are teaching is probably a waste of time.)

So, in my mind- if I had a ton of money to throw away, I'd throw it away to College Plus. At least that curriculum has value.

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Sew Sumi

Sew Sumi

I'd just go to a community college and take the same courses. Far cheaper. Of course, in that environment, one will most likely be exposed to views that do no jive with Gothardism. Heck, even Ben was allowed to attend a real community college after graduating from the DRT. Reading his social media posts last night (!), it hasn't altered his views any; if anything, it has made him even more of a zealot. 

 

I wish the Duggars would allow their kids to test the waters in the same manner. They're so indoctrinated that I seriously doubt it would matter in the way they seem so afraid it will.

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Skittl1321

Skittl1321

(edited)

 

I'd just go to a community college and take the same courses.

Hence the "if I had money to throw away" comment.  Taking CLEP tests is actually really cheap, and you can do it without College Plus.  To really save money, the best bet is to pay attention in high school and be well read/discover the world around you. That was enough for me to pass several CLEP tests without any additional study guides.

Edited by Skittl1321
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GEML

GEML

The unaccredited issue only matters, really, if you are pursuing a field where you need to take a professional credential or a state board. Programs such as nursing, pharmacy, public school teaching, etc are worthless.

But both my husband and I are liberal arts majors and accreditation wouldn't really have mattered. (We both attended state universities, so it's not an issue) as regards our jobs. I know of an unaccredited school that has an outstanding theatre performance program that is extremely competitive, for instance. You get some odd ducks like that.

Skittl1321

Skittl1321

(edited)

 

The unaccredited issue only matters, really, if you are pursuing a field where you need to take a professional credential or a state board.

 

It can matter more widely than that.  A huge number of the people I work with were liberal arts majors; in general it was either that or education. Things like English, History, Drama, etc.  (Also mathematics- but now that is "STEM" and no longer really considered liberal arts, even though it is) The jobs here all require a college degree. An unaccredited college is basically the same as no degree as far as HR is concerned.  But we hold no professional credential or license.

 

There are many professions where skill trumps any degree though.  In those cases accreditation wouldn't matter, but having no degree is also unlikely to be a barrier.

Edited by Skittl1321
GEML

GEML

I've known a lot of people in careers that could not advance without the degree, did their work at an unaccredited college and moved on. That's a slightly different scenario - but I'd keep in mind that many of these students will also be inside a Christian education world bubble, and will find work BECAUSE they went to a Christian college, unaccredited or not. Like most things in life, there's a lot of shades of gray when it comes to these things.

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ChicksDigScars

ChicksDigScars

(edited)
So far I see no real evidence or even probability of a dugger/bates pairing.

 

I'd be interested as to who would get the rights to the courtship and wedding if Joseph/Tori (she's adorable and spunky) or Jana/Lawson (Jana...he's dishy, girl!) were to hook up: TLC or UP.  I think we know JB well enough that this would be a priority. Stand your ground, Gil. Don't let the Boob push you around. I think TLC would have more money behind them to bargain with. This would have been a convenient hook up a couple years ago, but TLC cut the Bates' family loose. They're now contractually obligated to different networks. I'm curious as to how this would all go down. Hey...if UP gets the rights, can they NOT show Michelle? Or leave her annoying fucking baby voice and crazy eyes out of the broadcast, completely? 

 

Sad that I'm curious about the television rights to someone's relationship, but hey. You know that's part of their normal, now.  The legal hula-hoops of a potential match between the two families has me curious. 

 

First Derick shows up with a hairy face. Then Ben soon followed, and then Josh. Now, I see Joseph has also joined the crowd, and I think maybe Josiah. Do they hero worship Derick, or what?

 

Aww. That's kinda cute. Reminds me of Joey and Chandler worshiping Richard when Monica was dating him. (snerk) 

 

Not that a Duggar ever watched an episode of Friends.

Edited by ChicksDigScars
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Scarlett45
Message added by Scarlett45

If your post is not PRIMARILY about the Duggars, it will be removed. Please stick to the topic or take it to Small Talk, thank you.

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