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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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I recently caught the Duggars Do Dentist rerun, and Jilly Muff went practically catatonic at the thought of having her wisdom teeth pulled.  If I remember correctly, having my teeth pulled was a lot easier than having a baby, and my kids were not particularly big.  I've had three children, and that huge stomach Jilly Muff put on display grossed me out, "TOTALLY". Agree with Famy, cannot figure these people out, don't kiss until the day of devirginizing, and then show practically everything to the world via television because it is the holy birth

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I recently caught the Duggars Do Dentist rerun, and Jilly Muff went practically catatonic at the thought of having her wisdom teeth pulled.  If I remember correctly, having my teeth pulled was a lot easier than having a baby, and my kids were not particularly big.  I've had three children, and that huge stomach Jilly Muff put on display grossed me out, "TOTALLY". Agree with Famy, cannot figure these people out, don't kiss until the day of devirginizing, and then show practically everything to the world via television because it is the holy birth

 

 

.  In Jill's world you don't become a "hero" by having your teeth pulled. She's on her way to squeezing out 20 more duggar_dillards so she's on her way to Sainthood.

Edited by AmyFarrahFowler
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Good to know that Cathy and Dan had a normal reaction to the pregnancy announcement. I know there was speculation on here that they rushed to have a honeymoon baby because Cathy was so sick that they wanted to make sure they had a grandchild for her quick. But I honestly think that wasn't the rush -- the rush was marrying a Duggar and expecting to be trying, pregnant or immediately postpartum for every cycle until there are no more cycles. I do think Cathy is more religious than the Dillards let on initially, BUT at the end of the day -- she isn't fundie; she obviously practiced some kind of BC having had 2 kids instead of two dozen. Dan already wasn't pleased with his brother getting involved with the Duggars, now I'm sure he's wondering if his brother will have 10+ kids in the next decade. I'm sure Cathy is probably thinking the same thing, but as the mother of a son who has married into a large, overbearing family -- I'm sure she is trying to be as supportive as possible and is likely genuinely excited for a first grandchild (while hoping that there won't be a dozen more) because I'm sure she realizes that any hint of judgment or suggestion that they slow down or gasp -- not have as many as God wills -- will likely result in Cathy and Dan being pushed further to the side in favor of the large, loud family that wants to talk to Jill and Derick about their sex life.


.  In Jill's world you don't become a "hero" by having your teeth pulled. She's on her way to squeezing out 20 more duggar_dillards so she's on her way to Sainthood.

Shocking how "recent" that was when you think about it. I'm guessing it was like 5 yrs ago that she was so scared to be at the dr. that she was crying on JB's shoulder. And 5 yrs later -- she is the same little girl but with a ring on it -- she gets pregnant on her honeymoon and is eager to bear it all with cameras watching as she screams through transition.

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Maybe after like 3 contractions she freaks out and off they go to the hospital for an epidural and life is good. lol

 

Anyone see this RIDICULOUS article on the Dillards today?

They instagrammed  abottle of sparkling cider and a bible on the bed ( for valentines day..smdh) and yahoo is trying to turn it into a Drinking while pregnant debate..pathetic click bait arent their more pressing issues we can focus on ( BC god forbid we talk about real world issues like ISIS or something)

 

 

https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/jill-duggar-stirs-debate-with-photo-but-is-111593431032.html

Edited by yogi2014L
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Gothard had special weaning instructions to push women to become pregnant almost immediately. Normal, sustained breastfeeding across the board with women (and of course there will always be exceptions with individual women) leads to pregnancy every nine to eighteen months after birth, meaning a baby every eighteen months to every two years.

 

Baby 1, 2 and 3 out of 4 were solely and exclusively breastfed. But Baby 1 and Baby 2 are exactly one year, one month and one day apart. I was STUNNED when I found out I was pregnant. Stunned.

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I haven't followed this part closely -- have they said they're having a home birth or a birthing center rather than a hospital? I feel like in the clips from the season, they showed Jill and Derick sitting down in the office of some kind of dr (maybe it was a midwife)? If you deliver at home, I imagine you still have regular appointments some place up until delivery and then those same caretakers come to your home?

 

I'm kind of surprised that Derick as a first time father who hasn't seen his own mother birthing dozens of miracles (like most normal people he was probably like 3 when his bro was born and then never had to think about his mom being pregnant again) is ok with a home birth. I mean most first time dads freak out a little even if they're in a hospital that can provide the best care in the world to their wife and kid. I imagine seeing your wife go through that kind of pain -- esp transition -- is panic inducing to most guys as they wonder if something is truly wrong, but there's nothing they can do. You'd think for the first one, he'd insist on a hospital -- just in case an epidural or a c section or special monitors or a NICU or even reassurance from 2 dozen nurses/doctors is needed; I mean I know a birthing center can't provide all that, but from a reassurance perspective -- it may still be better than home where I imagine they'd only have 1-2 staff members come to the house. After they've done it a few times and know how Jill handles labor, then it's different. But a home birth right off the bat seems irresponsible. I mean for Josh to be ok with it -- not surprised. He's seen his broodmare mother pop out a kid yearly and he has Duggar intelligence -- he probably doesn't know how many things can go wrong. But for Derick -- a college educated guy from a modern family that isn't squatting down giving birth daily who is in a profession that is very risk averse -- I'm surprised he's being so risk seeking with his wife and son.

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Wait ti she has her first contraction. OMG I don't think she will be able to handle it.I have a pretty good pain tolerance and the first couple knocked me over (and I was sitting on a hospital bed).

 

I hope she thinks it over and has a hospital birth. 

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I'm pretty sure Jill has said in previous episodes (such as the dental episode and the blood donation episode) that she is terrified of needles. That's not the same thing as being unable to endure pain. The fear of needles almost ensures she won't do a hospital birth unless it's a life threatening emergency, actually.

And the truth of the matter is, we can tell all of our stories, and her own family stories are plenty of evidence for hospital births, but it's still statistically true that she and the baby are almost certain to come through with flying colors.

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I'm pretty sure Jill has said in previous episodes (such as the dental episode and the blood donation episode) that she is terrified of needles. That's not the same thing as being unable to endure pain. The fear of needles almost ensures she won't do a hospital birth unless it's a life threatening emergency, actually.

Actually, according to JB, Jill has a fear of needles and pain. Couple that with Jill's immaturity and tendency to be over emotional and she can get herself worked up rather quickly. She knows the labor process in theory, but I think she's going to be a big ole mess and freak out and wish she'd opted for birthin' with an epidural in the safety of a hospital, though she'd never admit it!

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I didn't know you can actually see a baby kick like that. That's neat. I guess. I mean...sorry. Newly pregnant here. Weird feeling!!

 

It is a bizarre feeling, but one I loved once I got over feeling like I was incubating something from an Alien movie.  You can have a lot of fun identifying which body part is sticking out -- I remember pushing feet and elbows back in if my kiddos were poking me too hard.  And try the cold glass of water trick.  Set a glass of ice water on your belly and the baby will kick or poke at it.  While this kind of interaction may sound weird, after several miscarriages it was my low tech way of checking on the baby.

 

I think Jill will be just fine with her birth - she's young and healthy, and with some midwife training she knows when she should be concerned.  I just hope she's ready for the pain.  Even if she does OK in the beginning, when she hits transition (8cm) and can no longer have drugs if she wants them, it'll hit her like a ton of bricks.  (Unfortunately spoken from experience....)

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I wonder what happens if Sweet Jilly starts screaming bloody murder and for an epidural. Will Derrick encourage her to get through the pain at home, or give her what she wants? 

I haven't given birth and I don't have a sense of how patriarchal Derick really is -- bc I do think he is far more conservative than what he and his family have let on -- but I would hope he would do whatever she wanted in that moment. If she labors for an hour or two and decides that it's too much already and she can't imagine doing that for another 2 or 5 or 20 hours and asks to go to the hospital, I'd hope he'd be grabbing his keys as she spoke. Same for an epidural -- if she gets far enough in that she can't take it and is begging for pain relief, I'd expect him to work on getting her to the hospital asap -- as she'd have to likely go into through the emergency room and then go up to OB and then wait for an anesthesiologist for an epi and all of that can take time, esp when you're not a patient of any dr. group at any hospital.

 

I really hope he wouldn't do what I've heard in more patriarchal cultures where the husband will sit there "convincing" his wife she's fine and that they agreed to a home birth and that they agreed not to use an epi and he doesn't want one for his son's birth. At the end of the day, Jill is the one who is going to be doing all the hard work and suffering all the pain -- it is her right to change her mind and I'd hope Derick would want what is most comfortable for her.

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Actually, according to JB, Jill has a fear of needles and pain. Couple that with Jill's immaturity and tendency to be over emotional and she can get herself worked up rather quickly. She knows the labor process in theory, but I think she's going to be a big ole mess and freak out and wish she'd opted for birthin' with an epidural in the safety of a hospital, though she'd never admit it!

Agree with this -- she will get worked up (I mean who wouldn't) but will deal with this home birth. I think we may see her using an epi for subsequent kids though, even if they don't broadcast that. Though for someone who knows herself -- that she can't deal with pain or needles -- and has seen the birth process many many times with different women who have different pain tolerances, you'd think she'd do whatever it takes to make herself comfortable -- having seen what birth is really like, not just reading some sanitized version in a doctors office pamphlet. Why isn't she birthing at a hospital where she can at least have an option of an epidural or some other pain relief, should she need it?? Is her mother/parents' expectation that she just squat down and birth at home more important than her own physical pain?

 

I mean I know women who are MDs -- esp OB -- when it was time to have their own kids, they preemptively scheduled c sections bc knowing how much can go wrong and how much damage there can be down there, they wanted a more "controlled" experience to safely birth their kids. That's their choice -- I'm not pushing C-sections - I'm just saying that knowledge of intimate things that people really don't talk about in depth realistically empowers people to make "better" decisions for themselves than the general public who pretty much just does what the doctors recommend.

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This is 2015. Hospitals are equipped to handle any problem that may arise. This is the first chidbirth for Jill. Better safe than sorry the first time out. If all goes smoothly, she can opt for a home birth or birthing center next time, but for now she and Baby Dilly belong in the setting that is safest for them both. I'm surprised Derick is going along with it, but then he has shown no inclination to stray from the Duggar way on anything, and this is no exception.

I am speaking from experience here. I went to the hospital the morning my water broke anticipating a routine delivery. My routine delivery turned into an emergency c-section that night. Very glad I was in a hospital.

Edited by Hpmec
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OMG, five minutes into the show and my eyes are ready to roll into the back of my head.

Jill and Derrick are nauseating. She acts like she's the only girl (not woman) who has ever been pregnant. I think she has surpassed Smuggar in the obnoxious category.

Who the fuck serves ice cream and hot dogs at a wedding? These people are so cheap.

Edited by Joe Jitsu913
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I haven't given birth and I don't have a sense of how patriarchal Derick really is -- bc I do think he is far more conservative than what he and his family have let on -- but I would hope he would do whatever she wanted in that moment. If she labors for an hour or two and decides that it's too much already and she can't imagine doing that for another 2 or 5 or 20 hours and asks to go to the hospital, I'd hope he'd be grabbing his keys as she spoke. Same for an epidural -- if she gets far enough in that she can't take it and is begging for pain relief, I'd expect him to work on getting her to the hospital asap -- as she'd have to likely go into through the emergency room and then go up to OB and then wait for an anesthesiologist for an epi and all of that can take time, esp when you're not a patient of any dr. group at any hospital.

 

I really hope he wouldn't do what I've heard in more patriarchal cultures where the husband will sit there "convincing" his wife she's fine and that they agreed to a home birth and that they agreed not to use an epi and he doesn't want one for his son's birth. At the end of the day, Jill is the one who is going to be doing all the hard work and suffering all the pain -- it is her right to change her mind and I'd hope Derick would want what is most comfortable for her.

Oh I think Derick would go to the moon and back if that's what Jill wanted. I have no doubt that he will agree to whatever she wants. And if there is any chance that the baby or Jill may be in danger -- I see him overriding Jill and every member of her family. He has been quiet and gone along with Jill and the Duggars thus far, however I see him standing up to all of them if Dilly and Jill are threatened.

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Actually, according to JB, Jill has a fear of needles and pain. Couple that with Jill's immaturity and tendency to be over emotional and she can get herself worked up rather quickly. She knows the labor process in theory, but I think she's going to be a big ole mess and freak out and wish she'd opted for birthin' with an epidural in the safety of a hospital, though she'd never admit it!

 

I have to agree. I remember the episode where a few of the older girls were having wisdom teeth removed. Jill was quiet - but had tears in her eyes and was basically hyperventilating with terror, while hugging up to her father as though she was five years old and being left at the foundling home. Based on this and her history of "overemotionalism" - is that a word? - I don't think we'll see her going bravely forth. I've never had a baby but everyone I know who has has told me that there is really no way to anticipate that level of pain ahead of time, that everyone is surprised by the intensity. And many friends of mine, who intended to have drug-free deliveries, ended up welcoming epidurals like a drowning man welcomes a lifesaver.

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If Jill decides to deliver at the hospital and have an epidural , Derick better cover her eyes. If I remember correctly the needle is long. And it's no picnic sitting on the edge of the bed bent over and the anesthesiaoligist (sp) trying to insert the needle in your back. All the while having labor pains.

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So apparently it's the year anniversary that Derick asked JB for Jill's hand in marriage (according to his instagram).

Also I'm confused about what Jill is wearing to the gym

https://instagram.com/p/zV52oZrs_3/

Even though I'm impressed that she's staying active, hope she keeps it up after the birth.

[Edit for spelling]

It looks like a coat but, maybe not the same one she wore in the pic she was shown wearing pants at the gym.

Edited by abseedee
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It looked like some kind of a ruffled sleeveless top. I'll look at it again in the morning.

I think it's a scarf or coat collar given the winter hat. I also think it's Derick's hand or arm to the right of Jill. It sort of looks like a shoulder, but I don't think it is if you look closely plus given the winter outerwear.

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I suspect as soon as that first real labor pain hits Jill, she'll be begging to go to the hospital for pain relief.  And I wouldn't blame her one bit.  I hope if this happens that Derrick takes her instantly and doesn't listen to his in-laws (particularly his mother-in-law) about just letting her deal.  Not to mention a last-minute rush to the hospital would be catnip for TLC--think of how they could overdramatize that!

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I have tried to view this footage of the Dillards telling Cathy their baby news, but I can't find it to view. Where are you all watching this? Do you have to pay to watch it on YouTube?

With all the talk about Jill's inability to endure pain of any kind, I wonder how she handled derickdillard's "manhood" breaking her all holy hymen on their honeymoon?

I would think she would use some common sense here and schedule a hospital delivery. This "birthing center" they refer to is not much more than a midwife's house; much like the one Anna labored with Michael in...no medical back up equipment or personnel AT ALL...it's simply delivering at someone else's home with a blow up backyard kiddie pool. The bed Anna was in was a regular twin bed, she was HORIZONTAL, not on an angle with a break away bed and stirrups..she didn't even have those..is that what Jill is looking forward to when seemingly delivering a football linebacker? I hope all goes well for that baby, as his parents and her family seem to lack common sense and Cathy doesn't seem to know her place yet in the family...well, she and dandillard don't really have one,, do they?


Another thought: Why is Jill at the gym with derickdillard yet AGAIN? She drive him to work, drives there to have lunch with him, picks him up from work...does she have to go to the gym with him too? She is strangling this guy...he will tire of it sooner or later. How is she going to handle the one car thing when baby dilly arrives? Will she wake that kid up to drive derickdillard to work every day? I would think not and I would hope not.


BTW, that big ugly denim maternity smock that Jill is wearing doesn't fit her..she already grew out of it..amazing that she can stretch out so far...I can't imagine the stretch marks that girl will have by the time she is 30.

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Florida mom-I found the video of them telling Dan & Cathy on the Duggars Family Blog site. Sorry haven't figured out how to link yet. It's under "sharing the big news." Cathy's response is great.

Have we all forgotten that Jerick has God's epidural ready--those bible verses they prepared to get her thru the pain.

Edited by Barb23
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If Jill decides to deliver at the hospital and have an epidural , Derick better cover her eyes. If I remember correctly the needle is long. And it's no picnic sitting on the edge of the bed bent over and the anesthesiaoligist (sp) trying to insert the needle in your back. All the while having labor pains.

Some hospitals don't allow the spouse in the room during the epidural. I wasn't allowed in until it was in for Mrs QUESTIONFEAR, and my brother in law almost passed out when his wife had hers.

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Cathy doesn't seem to know her place yet in the family...well, she and dandillard don't really have one,, do they?

Doesn't matter, Derick's a Duggar now.

Though I would really love to see him challenge the Duggar's and pack up the house with Jill and politely hand the keys back to JB.

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I thought the babies weight correlated with the mother's birth weight.  I was a big baby & had big babies, but my kids & I are not big adults.  Anyone know any of the weights of the Duggar kids (not counting Miracle)?

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I  guess it is a good thing the Duggar/Dillards don't watch television.  I just watched Bringing Up Bates and I would prefer having Whitney's experience with little Bradley over any of poor Anna's deliveries. No mother should be clenched up crying in pain and screaming God's name like she did.  

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I'm thinking the reason why there are so many home births in the Quiverfull movement is because the families in question don't have medical insurance and can't afford a hospital delivery. And I am hoping that derickdillard's mother has enough spine to sit him down before the Blessed Event and tell him some of the things that can go wrong with a home birth. He has medical insurance through his job, so having a home birth to save money isn't an issue.

 

As others have already said, it's all fun and games until hard labor starts. If she had a meltdown over having her wisdom teeth removed, the TLC video will be FASCINATING.

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If Jill was training with a homebirth midwife, she's already a convert.  She's been told that the only goal of an OB is to have a c-section so that they can get back to the golf course.  Or, she's been told that the nurses will tie her to the bed, and won't let her breastfeed the baby once it's born, and take it off to the nursery so they can stuff him full of bottles.  I'm mean, Jill's already not a great critical thinker, so she's just going to believe whatever she's been told.  If they've been seeing a CPM the whole time, then all they've heard through the whole pregnancy is how hospitals are evil and babies should only be birthed at home.

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I  guess it is a good thing the Duggar/Dillards don't watch television.  I just watched Bringing Up Bates and I would prefer having Whitney's experience with little Bradley over any of poor Anna's deliveries. No mother should be clenched up crying in pain and screaming God's name like she did.  

Whitney was the smart one, she named her baby Bradley and Anna just used the Bradley method.

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No matter Jill's experience as a midwife, she hasn't given birth before and I don't think any full time mother is prepared for the pain (or so I have been told, I haven't had one of my own).  I don't understand why she would want a homebirth for her first baby.  While it isn't a high-risk pregnancy, it is going to be stressful enough and I would have thought that being surrounded by experts would be more reassuring than having your sister (apparently Jana is assisting, ewwwww) and a couple of midwives around.  

Maybe Jill is a more relaxed person than I am, but if/when I give birth, I would want to know that it anything goes wrong, a C-section is just down the hall.  

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I don't think anyone can really generalize about how another woman will feel facing that decision.in   I wanted a non-medicated birth in a birthing center.  Due to risk factors that wasn't an option for me ever.  I would have wanted to be in a center next to a hospital though.  

 

One of my daughters opted for a birthing center attached to a hospital while the other one would only consider hospitals with level III NICUs.  I thought they had it swapped as the NICU evaluator was less likely to have a birthing problem than the more relaxed one.  Thankfully no one has needed a NICU so far although one infant has needed the nursery for a day off and on.  His mother was the one picking hospitals based on NICUs so she was at least right in having a hospital birth or she wouldn't have been admitted in the hospital while the newborn was.  

Edited by Absolom
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I'm probably biased because where I am there is an inquiry into homebirth and the risks.  People I know have given birth in birthing centres and said that it was calm and supportive. Others wanted hospitals because it was more medical.  Like you said, everyone is different with their plans :)

I'm sure that she has prepared for this but I would hope that if (God forbid) Jill's birth isn't smooth and she needs medical help, that she has easy and quick access to a hospital. 

I'm curious, if the birth is filmed, would the Duggars insist on an all-female film crew?  From what I have seen, it seems to be mostly males on set but I can't see Jill or Derrick being comfortable with that.  

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There was an episode several seasons ago where Jill was helping out with her midwife team at a home birth. During delivery, the midwives noticed that there was some sort of potential complications with the baby and the show made a big scene of them going to the hospital to get it checked out. In her interview, Jill talked about the importance of taking precautions and setting up an emergency plan in case something goes wrong although in the end both mom and baby turned out fine. The episode is called ‘Decisions & Deliveries’ if anyone’s interested.

 

I really don’t think Jill is “anti-hospital”. She said she prefers a home birth because she thinks it’ll be more comfortable. Others might disagree but that’s HER opinion, and obviously she’s a little biased because she has had training as a midwife and watched other moms go through that experience. It’s also quite possible that she might have a horrible home birth but I hope for her sake that everything goes smoothly. I don’t really doubt that she and Derick agreed on a plan B to go to the hospital should she have any problems. 

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No matter Jill's experience as a midwife, she hasn't given birth before and I don't think any full time mother is prepared for the pain (or so I have been told, I haven't had one of my own).  I don't understand why she would want a homebirth for her first baby.

 

She's probably contractually obligated by TLC. The house is likely already set up with the proper lighting for filming, whereas a hospital setting is not. And I'm sure, for liability reasons, it's complicated to get permission to film in a hospital. And, like you said, she hasn't given birth before; she has noooo idea what she's in store for. THAT'S why she wants a homebirth.

 

This will be an episode that I might actually watch!

 

 

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She mentions having had a stem cell transplant.  I'm very happy for her good health, and for the research and legislation that allowed it.  But..aren't fundamentalists opposed to stem cell transplants?  I'm curious about that aspect of it.  

 

I think it depends on what kind of stem cells were used. I'm assuming the treatment was using adult stem cells and not embryonic but who knows. 

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