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Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House


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I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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I'm almost to the point where I cannot even watch their segments on the show. Jessa always has that super smug superior look on her face and Ben looks like a deer in headlights.

 

I feel like Ben is always the butt of some joke with the Duggar family. None of them seem to take him too seriously.

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I''ve been half wondering if maybe Jim Bob actually found Ben for Jessa, in a similar way that he found Derrick for Jill. I've always thought of Jessa as one who was somewhat rebellious, as much as it's possible to do so in that family (not being able to cook as a prime example to get out of doing it). I almost think that if some man had gotten the chance to get to know her sans Jim Bob, she would have sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night to run off with him, along the same lines as the scenerio of the Breaking Amish premise. Maybe she realized if she followed the dog and pony show, she too, like Josh and Anna and now also Jill and Derrick, she and Ben can make a lot of money by continuing to appear on the tv show, and once she's married, all the money earned for their appearances will belong to them, not to her parents. I don't believe Jim Bob ever saved any money from the show in trust for his kids, even the ones over 18. Controlling them financially is probably one of the best ways he has control over his adult children, it's not just about the religious cult and subsequent guilt anymore..somehow I don't think Jessa would feel as guilty as say, Jana, if she were suddenly to flee the compound. 

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XrystalPond, you make so many great points. Bin and Jessa always look like they're struggling to find things to talk about, even in the most recent episodes. When you've been courting for over a year and are still awkward and uncomfortable around one another, it might be time to re-evaluate the situation. I think they have nothing in common besides a mutual physical attraction, and they're going to be miserable once that wears off. If they were dating in the real world, their relationship would have been a brief fling, not a long term commitment. 

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I''ve been half wondering if maybe Jim Bob actually found Ben for Jessa, in a similar way that he found Derrick for Jill.

 

When announcing Jessa's courtship in a September 2013 interview with People magazine, Jim Bob said that guys approach him all the time wanting to court his daughters, but (at that time) only Ben had passed muster.  This of course was before Jill and Derek.  Plus, I remember Joseph and Josiah teasing Ben about making the trek to “their church” every other Sunday and always hanging around.

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When announcing Jessa's courtship in a September 2013 interview with People magazine, Jim Bob said that guys approach him all the time wanting to court his daughters, but (at that time) only Ben had passed muster.  This of course was before Jill and Derek.  Plus, I remember Joseph and Josiah teasing Ben about making the trek to “their church” every other Sunday and always hanging around.

Ha ha, you've got to be kidding me! A 19 year-old with no education, no skills and living at home with his parents is the only guy qualified to date Jessa? My interpretation is Bin was the only guy willing to put up with Boob's abuse, so as the last man standing, he won out.

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I think the main reason Jessa “fell” for Ben is because he is handsome.  She once remarked that some of the guys who asked for their hands in courtships were “creeps and weirdos”.  I distinctively remember an episode where the girls ran a coffee shop for charity.  Several guys were hanging around hoping to talk to them; Jim Bob got rid of them.

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I also think Jim Bob knew Ben's family. Their world is pretty small, and although they aren't officially Vision Forum folks, the fact that the Seewalds were VF and also in Arkansas means their paths probably crossed. I wouldn't be surprised if they had met at the film festival or something, and that jump started the driving up to the church. Because at some point JB had to have said,"Why don't you all join us for services?" Since you don't just show up.

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I think the main reason Jessa “fell” for Ben is because he is handsome.  She once remarked that some of the guys who asked for their hands in courtships were “creeps and weirdos”.  I distinctively remember an episode where the girls ran a coffee shop for charity.  Several guys were hanging around hoping to talk to them; Jim Bob got rid of them.

The guys she called creeps and weirdos were probably not handsome enough for her taste.

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Ben told the entertainment magazine, "We have most of our planning done. When you're planning a wedding, you can make it complicated or make it simple, and we are trying to make ours simple. There are some things that have to be done right before the wedding, but for the most part, we're ready."  The bride seems to be pretty calm. Not only are her bridesmaids set, she's got her own dress ready, too.  Jessa explained, "I picked out my wedding dress a couple of days ago. I went with the second dress I tried on — I love it."  Ben is currently living on the family's property while he completes his sophomore year in college. The political science major studies while his fiancée plans the wedding next to him on her laptop.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/19-kids-countings-jessa-duggar-ben-seewald-wedding/story?id=25388235

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Ben told the entertainment magazine, "We have most of our planning done. When you're planning a wedding, you can make it complicated or make it simple, and we are trying to make ours simple. There are some things that have to be done right before the wedding, but for the most part, we're ready."  The bride seems to be pretty calm. Not only are her bridesmaids set, she's got her own dress ready, too.  Jessa explained, "I picked out my wedding dress a couple of days ago. I went with the second dress I tried on — I love it."  Ben is currently living on the family's property while he completes his sophomore year in college. The political science major studies while his fiancée plans the wedding next to him on her laptop.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/19-kids-countings-jessa-duggar-ben-seewald-wedding/story?id=25388235

I admit i'm being super judgey, but it irks me to no end when brides to be (never seen a groom do this) drop everything realistic, like school and work, and take months or years off to do nothing but plan a wedding 24/7. Unless you're hand making your own lace and growing silk worms for your gown, I cannot fathom what takes that amount of time. Even if you're a genius millionairess who doesn't need additional education or income, how many flower arrangements and nail polish colors can you look at before choosing one?

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I admit i'm being super judgey, but it irks me to no end when brides to be (never seen a groom do this) drop everything realistic, like school and work, and take months or years off to do nothing but plan a wedding 24/7. Unless you're hand making your own lace and growing silk worms for your gown, I cannot fathom what takes that amount of time. Even if you're a genius millionairess who doesn't need additional education or income, how many flower arrangements and nail polish colors can you look at before choosing one?

I was thinking exactly the same thing when Jill stopped her midwife training the minute she got engaged. If planning a wedding is swallowing that much of your life, maybe you need to rethink what kind of wedding you are planning. It seems like everyone needs to make these events so over the top now. Sure it's an important and memorable day and you want it to be special. But there needs to be some thought to the life you will have after the wedding. My college roommate and I were both engaged and planning summer weddings during our senior year. But we still managed to study and graduate from college. So yeah, I'm judgey right along with you.

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Maybe Joy Anna, but I'm not sure if they can afford her for $5 an hour. ;)

 

Maybe this should go in the things that get on your nerves thread, but if I was in a courtship and forced to have these chaperones around then I wouldn't pay them a dime. They should be provided free of charge because I cannot see how it's the couple's responsibility to pay for an extra person that they had no intention of inviting from the outset (if they actually had a choice). At the very least the chaperone could offer to pay for gas or sit fifty yards away (keep the couple in sight) and bring their own sack lunch. 

 

It sounds harsh, but if my hubs and I had to bring along a chaperone on all of our dates up until we got married we would have been out a lot of cash if we had to pay for their meals or admission to Nike! X-MEN movies. ;-)

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I admit i'm being super judgey, but it irks me to no end when brides to be (never seen a groom do this) drop everything realistic, like school and work, and take months or years off to do nothing but plan a wedding 24/7. Unless you're hand making your own lace and growing silk worms for your gown, I cannot fathom what takes that amount of time. Even if you're a genius millionairess who doesn't need additional education or income, how many flower arrangements and nail polish colors can you look at before choosing one?

Jessa got out of her household chores when she started officially "courting." Why she couldn't do the work, I don't know, as she only saw Bin a couple times a month.

Edited by DangerousMinds
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Jessa got out of her household chores when she started officially "courting." Why she couldn't do the work, I don't know, as she only saw Bin a couple times a month.

Jana is just genuinely too sweet, and Jinger is Jessa's Yes Woman, but I would love to see Joy give an honest WTH reaction to being stuck with extra chores while the courting girls primp and Skype all day.

 

Oh, and I totally agree that it is pathetic and sad that Jill just abandoned her midwife training to stare at Derrick. He supported and appreciated her midwifery work, and it's pitiful that she dropped something she was so passionate about.

 

Besides a ton of invites, they really don't have very elaborate weddings decoration or reception wise, so I dont know why it wouldn't take more than a couple of weekends to pull it all together.

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Maybe this should go in the things that get on your nerves thread, but if I was in a courtship and forced to have these chaperones around then I wouldn't pay them a dime. They should be provided free of charge because I cannot see how it's the couple's responsibility to pay for an extra person that they had no intention of inviting from the outset (if they actually had a choice). At the very least the chaperone could offer to pay for gas or sit fifty yards away (keep the couple in sight) and bring their own sack lunch. 

 

It sounds harsh, but if my hubs and I had to bring along a chaperone on all of our dates up until we got married we would have been out a lot of cash if we had to pay for their meals or admission to Nike! X-MEN movies. ;-)

I see where you're coming from but, we know the chaperones like the younger ones probably don't have money of their own to make any kind of offer. 

Edited by abseedee
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I was thinking exactly the same thing when Jill stopped her midwife training the minute she got engaged. If planning a wedding is swallowing that much of your life, maybe you need to rethink what kind of wedding you are planning. It seems like everyone needs to make these events so over the top now. Sure it's an important and memorable day and you want it to be special. But there needs to be some thought to the life you will have after the wedding. My college roommate and I were both engaged and planning summer weddings during our senior year. But we still managed to study and graduate from college. So yeah, I'm judgey right along with you.

Just a slight correction - Jill did not stop midwifery the minute she got engaged. She stopped around late May or early June after seeing through the few clients that she had left. As proof, here's a photo of Derick visiting Jill at the birth center sometime in May.  Word is that she's just taking a "temporary hiatus" and that she plans to revisit her training at some point in the future.  We'll see if she does but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt (for now). 

 

ETA: Found some more photos of Jill via A Mommy's Butterfly Midwifery FB page which is the birthing center where she was working at. Here a photo taken in early June where you can clearly see that she has her engagement ring on.

Edited by Mariva
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Besides a ton of invites, they really don't have very elaborate weddings decoration or reception wise, so I dont know why it wouldn't take more than a couple of weekends to pull it all together.

 

 For no other reason but a story line, I would guess.

How will we EVER pull this off?

I don't know HOW we can do it.

And so on and so on. It's a TLC must, apparently.

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Seriously how many weddings have they managed to pull together seemingly out of thin air? The storyline is getting old, TLC. We all know damn well there will be a wedding, it will be nice (to them), and they'll be able to pull it off by the skin of their teeth. If they're going to force drama, why not center it somewhere else?

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I see where you're coming from but, we know the chaperones like the younger ones probably don't have money of their own to make any kind of offer. 

 

I know, but I would hope the parents would help out on that front. I also can't imagine how bored the chaperones get on these outings. 

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Ha ha, you've got to be kidding me! A 19 year-old with no education, no skills and living at home with his parents is the only guy qualified to date Jessa? My interpretation is Bin was the only guy willing to put up with Boob's abuse, so as the last man standing, he won out.

What makes the whole deal worse? The fact that, if you follow the timeline as described by Jim Bob, Bin was 16 when he first approached the family with the prospect of courting. If Bin had been female, would any of these people been ok with the prospect?

I think the main reason Jessa “fell” for Ben is because he is handsome.  She once remarked that some of the guys who asked for their hands in courtships were “creeps and weirdos”.  I distinctively remember an episode where the girls ran a coffee shop for charity.  Several guys were hanging around hoping to talk to them; Jim Bob got rid of them.

Oh! I totally (see what I did there?) believe that, on some level, Jessa was led to Bin because he's not hard on the eyes. I wouldn't go straight to handsome, but he's better than so the fundy folk we've seen on the show. But, aside from that and his similar theological beliefs, there's nothing there. When he first came on the scene, he allegedly "owned his own business". Radar Online stopped the fact that it was a lawn cutting business. Lol. Now, were supposed to believe he ditched his "business" and will get paid more with Jim Bob? I suspect the long engagement is due to Bins lack of financial stability. There's no other reason the engagement would've drug out this long otherwise.

Ha ha, you've got to be kidding me! A 19 year-old with no education, no skills and living at home with his parents is the only guy qualified to date Jessa? My interpretation is Bin was the only guy willing to put up with Boob's abuse, so as the last man standing, he won out.

What makes the whole deal worse? The fact that, if you follow the timeline as described by Jim Bob, Bin was 16 when he first approached the family with the prospect of courting. If Bin had been female, would any of these people been ok with the prospect?

I think the main reason Jessa “fell” for Ben is because he is handsome.  She once remarked that some of the guys who asked for their hands in courtships were “creeps and weirdos”.  I distinctively remember an episode where the girls ran a coffee shop for charity.  Several guys were hanging around hoping to talk to them; Jim Bob got rid of them.

Oh! I totally (see what I did there?) believe that, on some level, Jessa was led to Bin because he's not hard on the eyes. I wouldn't go straight to handsome, but he's better than so the fundy folk we've seen on the show. But, aside from that and his similar theological beliefs, there's nothing there. When he first came on the scene, he allegedly "owned his own business". Radar Online stopped the fact that it was a lawn cutting business. Lol. Now, were supposed to believe he ditched his "business" and will get paid more with Jim Bob? I suspect the long engagement is due to Bins lack of financial stability. There's no other reason the engagement would've drug out this long otherwise.
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Jessa got out of her household chores when she started officially "courting." Why she couldn't do the work, I don't know, as she only saw Bin a couple times a month.

 

 

I think the real reason for Jessa getting out of chores, was to train the younger girls for the duties they would now have to take on when Jessa left.  Jessa was still there to show her sister how to pack for the family and show anyone else the chores that were shifting to.  We know that Michelle was not going know how to do Jessa chores or how to show the younger girls how to do the chores.

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Just a slight correction - Jill did not stop midwifery the minute she got engaged. She stopped around late May or early June after seeing through the few clients that she had left.

Question- does anyone know if Jana is still involved and going through the training?  Probably not since she wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere without another Duggar.

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wanderwoman, on 12 Sept 2014 - 07:57 AM, said:

When he first came on the scene, he allegedly "owned his own business". Radar Online stopped the fact that it was a lawn cutting business. Lol. Now, were supposed to believe he ditched his "business" and will get paid more with Jim Bob? I suspect the long engagement is due to Bins lack of financial stability. There's no other reason the engagement would've drug out this long otherwise.

 

It's obvious that it was JimBoob's decision to approve the engagement, and I don't doubt that finances were an issue. Ben wasn't making enough money to support Jessa so the courtship went on much longer than would be "normal" for these people. Then, at some point, Boob decided that he was going to okay the engagement because he foresaw Ben earning enough to support Jessa -- but not because Ben had a great new job or anything. It was because Boob came up with the bright idea to "hire" him as his yard boy. Very strange.

 

For some reason when I picture Ben and Jessa at the altar, Ben is covered in poison ivy and calamine lotion.

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But that's following the show -- we know that Ben had been living and working for the Duggars for months before the engagement was announced (or at least, until Mr. Seewalds rant was posted.)  So what changed between the time Ben moved on the property and took the "job" with JB and the engagement?  It wasn't that he finished a degree, or found a real job.  It was, from our perspective, the rant.  And perhaps the realization that sometimes you can't make things into what you want them to be, which might have been hard for Jim Bob to admit.

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What further annoyed me was an article someplace stating Bin was completing his sophmore year. What a crock.  He just started.  And if he actually got all the units for the freshman year, I'll eat my hat (if I had a hat).  He's a pick up a couple of units here and there sort of guy, not serious about anything.  Plus, I think he has every tendency to become violent with Jessa.  I really do.  He's so prickly about maybe being put down, but he's not really sure because he's not smart enough to figure it out and thus has no confidence.

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Question- does anyone know if Jana is still involved and going through the training?  Probably not since she wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere without another Duggar.

 

I doubt it.  Jana seemed so uncomfortable at the televised births, and she mostly stood in a corner, not helping the laboring mother.  It seemed pretty obvious to me that she was only doula in name, but her real purpose was to watch Jill.  Like Jill would somehow try to lure the expectant father into sexy times with her, or a random male would show up and Jill would run off with him.

 

The Duggar way of life is stupid.  And not healthy in any way for the Duggar kids.  Couldn't care less for Boob or DQ.

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What further annoyed me was an article someplace stating Bin was completing his sophmore year. What a crock.  He just started.  And if he actually got all the units for the freshman year, I'll eat my hat (if I had a hat).  He's a pick up a couple of units here and there sort of guy, not serious about anything.  Plus, I think he has every tendency to become violent with Jessa.  I really do.  He's so prickly about maybe being put down, but he's not really sure because he's not smart enough to figure it out and thus has no confidence.

 

^^^This^^^ If he got all his units, I'll not only eat my hat, I'll do naked cartwheels through Times Square. I also agree Bin has abuser tendencies. I've seen the flashes of anger in his eyes when Jessa cracks a light-hearted joke about him in their TH's. It wouldn't surprise me if he started smacking her around at some point. 

 

I think Boob okayed the engagement because he was afraid Steve Carrell was going to get pissed off to the point where he started dishing some real dirt on the Duggars.

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Looking at the picture of Derrick and Jill at the birthing center, I am struck by two things:

1. As cute as they are, those two are going to have kids with some long-toothed gummy smiles.

2. Jill is quite unprofessional - dangly earrings, colored nail polish, and selfies at work.

What are the odds that the Dillard birth will be televised? I'm thinking pretty high. Perhaps the fact that the Dillards have a steady source of income means they won't be quite so quick to sell out....Nah!

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I guess that Jim Bob is allowing (allowing, what a concept, yuck) Jessa and Ben to get married because this courtship has gone on long enough that  'pieces of the heart' are now involved, and Jessa might have 'baggage' if she moved on to a more suitable man.  It can't be because he thinks the two of  them are ready to be married, using their concept of 'ready'.  Ben has no real job to support her with, and she won't be expected to financially contribute.  She will be expected to use her money as 'pin money', that concept of she can buy herself baubles and such.  They can't carry on on a real conversation.  They've known each other long enough that the talking heads (and chaperoned dates) should be more natural than Jessa practicing the 'you're sweet' advice that Michelle gave her.  Ben and Jessa are the example of the very young couple that ends up living in the garage of a parent's home as they can't afford rent anywhere.

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Just caught a glimpse of them in the most recent episode.  HOLY ACNE, BATMAN.   I had to change the channel after about a couple of minutes. Why is Jessa so pimply?  She should get on to the pro-activ, stat!  Covering it up in make-up doesn't help, either.  I wonder if she has a condition.

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Someone asked about Bin being sixteen?

Ben's publicly published birth date is May 19, 1995. Jessa was born in November of 1992, I believe. She's a full 2.5 years older than he is. Their courtship started on Sept. 9, 2013, so on that date, Bin was 18 years, 3 months. However, we were told that Jessa and Ben had been getting to know each other through texts and phone calls for "about a year". So, you can reasonably conclude that Ben was 17 when they started texting with a purpose. JIM Bob goes further back stating that Ben had approached him about six months before the "texting with a purpose" started. That puts Ben in the neighborhood of 16 Going on 17.

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Just caught a glimpse of them in the most recent episode.  HOLY ACNE, BATMAN.   I had to change the channel after about a couple of minutes. Why is Jessa so pimply?  She should get on to the pro-activ, stat!  Covering it up in make-up doesn't help, either.  I wonder if she has a condition.

The condition is acne. It can be very hard to treat. I certainly wouldn't consider acne something that I couldn't bare to look at.

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Dear Ben,

Run, run as fast as you can.  They don't like you.  They seem to take great pleasure in humiliating you on national television.  You are only 19 and just  incase you haven't noticed, you are very handsome. You will meet other girls.  Jessa isn't worth it.  They are thousands of other pretty girls in Arkansas. 

Sincerely,

Someone who cares

Edited by Adeejay
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Dear Ben,

Run, run as fast as you can.  They don't like you.  They seem to take great pleasure in humiliating you on national television.  You are only 19 and just  incase you haven't noticed, you are very handsome. You will meet other girls.  Jessa isn't worth it.  They are thousands of other pretty girls in Arkansas. 

Sincerely,

Someone who cares

 

I know. I can't imagine what kind of hold Jessa has over him to make Bin willing to put up with this kind of abuse. If he'd gone and enrolled at U of A like he intended he could be getting laid on the regular right about now. Jessa would become a distant memory.

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Someone asked about Bin being sixteen?

Ben's publicly published birth date is May 19, 1995. Jessa was born in November of 1992, I believe. She's a full 2.5 years older than he is. Their courtship started on Sept. 9, 2013, so on that date, Bin was 18 years, 3 months. However, we were told that Jessa and Ben had been getting to know each other through texts and phone calls for "about a year". So, you can reasonably conclude that Ben was 17 when they started texting with a purpose. JIM Bob goes further back stating that Ben had approached him about six months before the "texting with a purpose" started. That puts Ben in the neighborhood of 16 Going on 17.

And lusting after Jessa for a few YEARS now. That wedding night is going to be over in a flash.

The condition is acne. It can be very hard to treat. I certainly wouldn't consider acne something that I couldn't bare to look at.

Slathering cheap makeup all over her face every day probably doesn't help.

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And lusting after Jessa for a few YEARS now. That wedding night is going to be over in a flash.

Slathering cheap makeup all over her face every day probably doesn't help.

It is something I don't think  is nice to speculate about. It is a medical condition and it's really her business.

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It is something I don't think  is nice to speculate about. It is a medical condition and it's really her business.

I feel really bad for her.  I actually had something similar going on- even in my 30's and 40's and then other symptoms emerged and I eliminated dairy products and it has not happened since.  I think at times, it can be from certain makeup products but honestly, more times than not, it starts from diet.  

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I agree that speculating about a health issue can come off as a little low. BUT, I truly didn't read the comment as speculative as much as "poor girl". The only reality is that she obviously has an acne issue and slathering makeup on acne is rarely the best idea. It's unfortunate that she is so often shot in a close up and that it would appear she's never been to a dermatologist. In some ways, I think it's interesting since I know some of the remedies for acne include birth control pills and how that would NEVER be allowed. I feel bad for Jessa because, aside from being difficult to deal with emotionally, that sort of acne is often painful. :(

It is something I don't think is nice to speculate about. It is a medical condition and it's really her business.

I agree that speculating about a health issue can come off as a little low. BUT, I truly didn't read the comment as speculative as much as "poor girl". The only reality is that she obviously has an acne issue and slaughtering makeup on acne is rarely the best idea. It's unfortunate that she is so often shot in a close up and that it would appear she's never been to a dermatologist. In some ways, I think it's interesting since I know some of the remedies for acne include birth control pills and how that would NEVER be allowed. I feel bad for Jessa because, aside from being difficult to deal with emotionally, that sort of acne is often painful. :( Edited by wanderwoman
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I'll just point out that if Jessa were marrying someone with a job -- like Derick -- she would get health insurance and be able to go to the dermatologist.

 

re: What does Jessa bring to the table? I think that's a good point. The Duggar/Gothard lifestyle is based on a 19th century model where the husband is the bread winner, and the wife maintains the household. Except that Jessa has been very clear that she has no housekeeping skills, and she doesn't appear to be any more maternal than her mother. So, other than the obvious, she brings nothing more to this relationship than Bin does.

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