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Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House


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The Duggars post about politics on social media frequently, but these social media posts are not an invitation to discuss politics here in this forum. This rule extends to Duggar adjacent families, friends, associates etc. Such discussions are a violation of the Politics Policy. 

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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Touched by an angle, sparkle like night, take my breath away. It's a cliché collage. The mimic what they think romance/relationships look like. There isn't much original material in that old lady-handwritten note. Do you suppose she keeps in in a drawer with her lavender scented hanky? Quote Jessa here 'awwww'.. ful.

  • Love 2
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He was actually 17. The Duggars fudged his age to make it less ridiculously embarrassing that their grown daughter was dating a high school senior.

No, he was 17 when they met around March/April 2013, but his birthday is in mid-May. They didn't start courting until September, so he was 18 and just starting out at community college. 

Touched by an angle, sparkle like night, take my breath away. It's a cliché collage. The mimic what they think romance/relationships look like. There isn't much original material in that old lady-handwritten note. Do you suppose she keeps in in a drawer with her lavender scented hanky? Quote Jessa here 'awwww'.. ful.

Or in Jana's jewelery box, along with her "majestic" pearls. 

 

PS: I'm betting that "angle" was obtuse, just like Ben. :D

Edited by Sew Sumi
  • Love 3
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B) Though not at all surprised his two points of geographical reference include Arkansas, I am happily surprised he managed to correctly spell Antarctica.

 

Maybe he knew that Jessa and the clan hadn't gotten to the 'B' countries in their Tater Tot Companion geography books.

 

Yes, time for the prayer closet for me.

  • Love 8
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 It's just a different standard of what's socially acceptable. And I have to say that, even atheist tech-loving liberal feminist that I am, I'm not sure our more cool and cynical standard for what kinds of sentiments are the done thing is better. It's just different. Some days I even like it quite a bit less.

I'm definitely not advocating for a cooler or more cynical standard--particularly in matters of romance. My husband leaves me speechless with his love notes, emails, and other endearments. He writes it straight from the heart. But even when we were in jr. high (he was my first boyfriend, with a 23 year hiatus before we married...long story) his letters and love notes were far more mature than this letter of Ben's.

Really, let me be clear: I'm not even commenting on the fact that he wrote this letter to Jessa, no matter how awkward and stilted and flowery its content. I am saying that I find the letter SO awkward and immature that I'm embarrassed for Ben and a little gobsmacked that Jessa would consider it emblematic of their Great Romance, such that she deems it worthy of public consumption.

As for the handwriting, big props to Ben for knowing how to use cursive at all--I'm not remarking on his actual penmanship. That said, I still look at those two wildly embellished capital B's and see the work of a self-important man-child.

  • Love 5
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BBEZYP6gJnR/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBEZgY9AJne/

A couple Spurgeon pics

What I really want to know, is where did Ben's love letter show up on the internet? I don't see it on their Instagram sites.

74,482 people like this

Jesus is EVERYTHING to me. Without Him, I am nothing. Christ is my King and I am striving to use my life to glorify him, and to point others towards his saving grace. Jesus is the ONLY way to everlasting life. John 14:6

Honor. Loyalty. Courage.

That is taken from Ben's Facebook.

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I think the letter was during their courtship or possibly early engagement? I don't remember what vehicle of SM I saw it on, but I did see it. Maybe facebook? I don't think Jessa posted much on her SM before her marriage (although she did post that awful "majestic pearls" letter). But that was just a few weeks before the wedding, at most. Do you see that post? Remember, I can't check, since I'm #blessablocked.

Edited by Sew Sumi
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I'm definitely not advocating for a cooler or more cynical standard--particularly in matters of romance. My husband leaves me speechless with his love notes, emails, and other endearments. He writes it straight from the heart. But even when we were in jr. high (he was my first boyfriend, with a 23 year hiatus before we married...long story) his letters and love notes were far more mature than this letter of Ben's.

Really, let me be clear: I'm not even commenting on the fact that he wrote this letter to Jessa, no matter how awkward and stilted and flowery its content. I am saying that I find the letter SO awkward and immature that I'm embarrassed for Ben and a little gobsmacked that Jessa would consider it emblematic of their Great Romance, such that she deems it worthy of public consumption.

As for the handwriting, big props to Ben for knowing how to use cursive at all--I'm not remarking on his actual penmanship. That said, I still look at those two wildly embellished capital B's and see the work of a self-important man-child.

 

Points taken!

 

I don't know, though, how likely it is for anyone not raised in extreme shelter to really understand how strange and quaint and a cross between extremely immature and like an old lady -- both circa 1875 or so -- that people are who've been raised as if in another century. And that seems to me clearly true of the Duggars and probably of Ben as well.

 

I was raised that way even though I'd gone to public school for 12 year and had jobs. And I'd been away from home on my own for a couple of years attending college before I realized how bizarre and weirdly innocent and completely nutso had been very much of what I'd said and done for all the previous years of my life. You'd think that because I was outside of the house and among other people that I would have noticed long before, but I apparently was so programmed by my life inside the house that I was quite unaware of how I came off.

 

Once I started to realize how odd I was, it was sickeningly embarrassing, although it was in no way my fault; nor did it say anything about my intelligence or, in fact, my maturity in things that actually mattered. When it finally dawned on me, though, I realized how bizarre and ridiculous I had obviously seemed, on a daily basis, to all of my peers. I'm sure they thought of me exactly what everybody thinks of this letter of Ben's. I still cringe sometimes when I think of how I certainly sounded and seemed to everybody through all my years of school. So my reaction to Ben and Jessa's childishness and nutso old-fashionedness is quite personal. I identify with them in not knowing stuff that everybody else knows. Doesn't mean I like them any better, but I completely identify with them in this case!

  • Love 8
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Reading, 'riting, and 'rithmatic are a whole lot easier for an unskilled person to 'teach' around the dining room table than, oh, algebra or whatever heathens indoctrinate their children with before sending them to Satan's playground AKA college. No shock Ben has such pretty penmanship. 

  • Love 4
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PS: I'm betting that "angle" was obtuse, just like Ben. :D

Ha ha!

 

The first comment is "Make that man write a book on how to treat women!" No thanks! The letter reminds me of various tasks where students have to write sentences, using these 10 words/using similes/etc. and one child manages to fit all of the required words/similes into one very long and awkward sentence. Next learning step, Ben: using similes sparingly for better effect. For a while when I was 8 or 10 I tried to write like this and I would have loved to have got my Bs so ornate.

  • Love 5
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My father had such beautiful handwriting.  It didn't survive the fire but it is seared in my head.  

 

I was shocked when I learned cursive wasn't taught.  It seems so natural to do cursive after printing.  What did baffle me was a few of the kids I know being unable to read cursive.  Even if you only recognize a few of the letters in a word you should be able to figure it out, but these may have been lazy kids.  They'll never know what their ancestors wrote on public or historical documents, and as I recall would not be able to trace their ancestry using census or birth or death or immigration documents.  Oh well, they probably don't care either.

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Well, it's not that stupid, even though my thought process goes through more generations. Any kid who does the research needed to get to college now will learn cursive. That bit done, the writings of Civil War veterans can be beautiful or illegible. I can't read a lot of what I've seen. Let's go back even further to Shakespeare. I was an English major, but I struggled with some of the original text. Shall we go back to Beowulf? .....

 

How we write is a fluid thing. The signature on my driver's license is not the same signature I have now. I'm also left handed. We have special considerations given we can't put our hand down on the page, lest we smear everything we previously wrote. And lefties, let's commiserate about the ink on the side of the hand if you didn't go for the defensive crab hand grip. 

 

I gather that Ben is right-handed and wrote his missives with a quill pen, just like Doug Phillips proposed men should do. 

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These kids today with their Common Core and their lack of cursive writing. I tell ya, it's a new world out there. Why they aren't even going to understand the plot of the 16th best novel of the 20th century.

Rhoda deserved that medal, darn it! She worked hard for it!

  • Love 4
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I'm so grateful that I grew up before social media. Imagine old high school love letters being on the internet forever! Yikes!

Jessa most likely shared the letter with the family's fans solely to rub the relationship in her spinster sisters' faces.

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My father had such beautiful handwriting.  It didn't survive the fire but it is seared in my head.  

 

I was shocked when I learned cursive wasn't taught.  It seems so natural to do cursive after printing.  What did baffle me was a few of the kids I know being unable to read cursive.  Even if you only recognize a few of the letters in a word you should be able to figure it out, but these may have been lazy kids.  They'll never know what their ancestors wrote on public or historical documents, and as I recall would not be able to trace their ancestry using census or birth or death or immigration documents.  Oh well, they probably don't care either.

MicksPicks- it's not just you that is shocked cursive is no longer taught.  My first encounter with the phenomenon was when I was in a mixed university course (both grad students and undergrads - I was one of the grads).  This was the capstone class for the teaching program for high school and middle school history teachers, and every undergrad was a senior.   A group of them asked to borrow my notes (which I wrote in a notebook) and then DEMANDED I type and email them the notes, since they could not read cursive.  Grading their exams was a problem, too, as these prospective teachers could barely print either.

 

Props for Ben and his legible penmanship.  Kudos to the 12 year old girl whose letter he copied.

  • Love 7
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Funny, that's real american handwriting. You don't see that anywhere else in the world. My pen friends used to write in the same style.

 

The content is reminiscent of a very young teenaged girl, but yes, at least he was trying. Wonder how fast he dropped those, I don't see Miss Smuggeette responding kindly to those.

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Ben's cursive handwriting reminds me of how the Catholic nuns taught us to write. I'm 58, and we spent hours each week on cursive! My penmanship went by the wayside after I learned to scribble notes in college!

I just REALLY don't understand why JessaBlessa put that very personal letter on Facebook!

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I'm so grateful that I grew up before social media. Imagine old high school love letters being on the internet forever! Yikes!

Jessa most likely shared the letter with the family's fans solely to rub the relationship in her spinster sisters' faces.

I had the same thought, C. "Look what I have at home, sistahs. Feast your racoon eyes on those swirly capital B's. Maybe someday Daddy will find you your own teenage husbands, but I doubt any of them will be able to crank out similes like MY teenage husband. Love from the fairest of them all, Jessa (aka Twinkle Eyes). PS: By 'age-old ice caps,' my prince meant 4,000 year-old, if course."
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I just REALLY don't understand why JessaBlessa put that very personal letter on Facebook!

 

Same!!! All awful prose aside, I wouldn't be airing anything like this on SM. I'm a big "post for the memories!" person but.....boundaries! I wouldn't invite the entire world into my relationship like this, but i guess these boundaries don't exist in their world.

also...it just reads like he's trying so hard. 

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Did it occur to anyone other than me that maybe Jessa wrote that herself?

We're gonna need another sample of Ben writing something...

P.S. If any guy I ever dated wrote me anything a tenth that drippy and derivative I woukd have dumped him so fast his ass would have wind burn.

  • Love 7
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It didn't occur to me that Jessa might have written it herself, but I did think she might have placed a very detailed order: I need a love letter praising my beauty, poetic stuff, flowery handwriting, suitable for social media. And poor 18-year-old Ben did his best. One wonders if he will be humiliated about this when he grows up.

  • Love 2
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Did it occur to anyone other than me that maybe Jessa wrote that herself?

We're gonna need another sample of Ben writing something...

P.S. If any guy I ever dated wrote me anything a tenth that drippy and derivative I woukd have dumped him so fast his ass would have wind burn.

Oh come on, if you were 10 and an 11 year old boy wrote this, you might have agreed to hold his hand. ;)

  • Love 8
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I think the note is kinda corny but whatever my/our opinion is, I think that was private and should not have been posted.

Just goes to show that the Duggars have strange boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not. I guess living on TV has blurred jessa's vision on private vs. public.

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I think the note is kinda corny but whatever my/our opinion is, I think that was private and should not have been posted.

Just goes to show that the Duggars have strange boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not. I guess living on TV has blurred jessa's vision on private vs. public.

And belies her "We're just a family on TV" bullshit. As if we didn't already know she was a famewhore. 

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Ben's handwriting is neat and readable, but it's all joined up. He worked hard on his penmanship and it wasn't natural to him.  How many who do write in cursive join all the letters up? 

You lost me here. The whole point of cursive is that the letters are joined.

  • Love 13
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Um. Yeah. Someone's 6th grade homeschool curriculum covered similes.

 Ben's letter illustrates why I BEG my freshman composition students not to attempt similes unless they're divinely inspired to do so. I just can't deal with that crap, but clearly a lot of high school teachers are pushing it.
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You lost me here. The whole point of cursive is that the letters are joined.

I might have it completely wrong (it's been - woah - quarter of a century since I've been taught handwriting) but I don't think we were taught to link every single letter. Perhaps in the word 'perhaps', neither p would be joined to the following letter, nor the r to the h. I wasn't taught the super-cursive p that joins to the next letter that my mother's cohort did.

  • Love 1
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I believe Bin was inspired to write that letter.  They always said he was romantic and he put a ton of effort into that proposal of his.  I think it annoyed Jessa to go through all that crap until they got to that beautiful little chapel where he proposed.  Bin is a dope but he's a sappy dope.

  • Love 3
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It's a good letter I think.  At least as far as the purpose of "a letter" is - to communicate and share information clearly.  As the equivalent of a poem, clearly it lacks, but I can see the person who generates that, thinking "I know how to work with words".  He knows the proper form to take for "it's", too, which goes a long way with me.

 

Cute video of Spurgey, I'm a sucker for that open-mouthed puppylike panting breaths that babies take, ha.

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I might have it completely wrong (it's been - woah - quarter of a century since I've been taught handwriting) but I don't think we were taught to link every single letter. Perhaps in the word 'perhaps', neither p would be joined to the following letter, nor the r to the h. I wasn't taught the super-cursive p that joins to the next letter that my mother's cohort did.

. I'm 35, and the cursive I was taught was that every letter in a word is joined (with the only exception being some capitals, such as O.) But lowercase ps and rs definitely join the following letter.
  • Love 13
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They are strange. I grew up Fundamentalist Baptist (apparently lite) and make up was not allowed. Maybe a dash here and there for the grown women but NO WAY would all that heavy eye liner, mascara and bronzer been tolerated. No sandals (it was the 70s). No coffee (too addicting). But yet I went to college and grad school...it's really strange to try to figure all this out. Gothard makes his rules based on his fetishes? so sick....

  • Love 6
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They are strange. I grew up Fundamentalist Baptist (apparently lite) and make up was not allowed. Maybe a dash here and there for the grown women but NO WAY would all that heavy eye liner, mascara and bronzer been tolerated. No sandals (it was the 70s). No coffee (too addicting). But yet I went to college and grad school...it's really strange to try to figure all this out. Gothard makes his rules based on his fetishes? so sick....

I think all bets are off with this group. There's a limited number of desirable marriage partners and a very harsh probability of ending up a stay at home daughter. If spackling your face like a Kardashian is what it takes to get noticed, then bust out the Wet N Wild bronzer and may the best Fundie win!

Edited by BitterApple
  • Love 9
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I remember in the 80s when my Pentecostal/Charismatic relatives went from their churches not allowing women to wear makeup, cut hair, anyone go to movies, to restaurants that served alcohol, males and female (even kids) not being able to swim together, no one wearing jewelry except a wedding band and a watch, etc., to the full on Jim and Tammy Faye Baker extravagance flips. Seems like overnight, they were suddenly allowed to Not Look Amish or whatever, and they went over the top with the bling, makeup, rhinestones, teased up hair, fake nails, bedazzled everything. Whereas before, Pentecostal meant Holiness (there are still some Holiness churches that forbid all that BTW), which meant plain and modesty, then after, it meant God adorned the temple so let's let our lights shine as bright as these here rhinestones. It baffles me to this day how people who have had it ingrained for generations that makeup = heathen, sin attempted to lie and seduce, then suddenly it's OK and they all go overboard with the makeup gun set to Vegas Showgirl.

 

Seems like as soon as the Duggar girls were old enough to court, they did the same thing, but looking at those old specials where Jana is what, 14 or 15? Michelle has that clown blush and lipstick on with her big ole maternity prairie dress. I hate to begrudge them for being able to wear makeup and have those long elaborate curls, because it's about the only bit of creativity they are allowed, but geez, turn it down a few notches.

  • Love 7
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I remember in the 80s when my Pentecostal/Charismatic relatives went from their churches not allowing women to wear makeup, cut hair, anyone go to movies, to restaurants that served alcohol, males and female (even kids) not being able to swim together, no one wearing jewelry except a wedding band and a watch, etc., to the full on Jim and Tammy Faye Baker extravagance flips. Seems like overnight, they were suddenly allowed to Not Look Amish or whatever, and they went over the top with the bling, makeup, rhinestones, teased up hair, fake nails, bedazzled everything. Whereas before, Pentecostal meant Holiness (there are still some Holiness churches that forbid all that BTW), which meant plain and modesty, then after, it meant God adorned the temple so let's let our lights shine as bright as these here rhinestones. It baffles me to this day how people who have had it ingrained for generations that makeup = heathen, sin attempted to lie and seduce, then suddenly it's OK and they all go overboard with the makeup gun set to Vegas Showgirl.

 

Seems like as soon as the Duggar girls were old enough to court, they did the same thing, but looking at those old specials where Jana is what, 14 or 15? Michelle has that clown blush and lipstick on with her big ole maternity prairie dress. I hate to begrudge them for being able to wear makeup and have those long elaborate curls, because it's about the only bit of creativity they are allowed, but geez, turn it down a few notches.

 

Maybe it's a Southern thing?  This won't be incredibly scientific of me as I've never been in person, but from watching Miss America etc. pageants, pop culture, I feel like a lot of, especially, Texas debutantes, are always caroling about how they love Jesus and attend church on the regular, but are simultaneously not the least bit restrained from doing their best Legally Blonde interpretation in troweled-on Sherwin-Williams.  For some reason I've got it fixed that it's more acceptable for those types of Mary Kay women to, well, go all Mary Kay and of course, if your whole Baptist type congregation looked like that, you'd never dare imply that wearing blusher made them "bad Christians".  Maybe someone with actual experience of the American South/West can weigh in on my insane babblings.

  • Love 7
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Maybe it's a Southern thing?  This won't be incredibly scientific of me as I've never been in person, but from watching Miss America etc. pageants, pop culture, I feel like a lot of, especially, Texas debutantes, are always caroling about how they love Jesus and attend church on the regular, but are simultaneously not the least bit restrained from doing their best Legally Blonde interpretation in troweled-on Sherwin-Williams.  For some reason I've got it fixed that it's more acceptable for those types of Mary Kay women to, well, go all Mary Kay and of course, if your whole Baptist type congregation looked like that, you'd never dare imply that wearing blusher made them "bad Christians".  Maybe someone with actual experience of the American South/West can weigh in on my insane babblings.

Although Texas is a whole world of its own LOL, as is the Pageant World, I don't think it's a regional thing. I think it's more of a 'woohoo! the chains are free' now let's make up for lost time and pile it on, because I always wanted to do this, and now I don't know how to restrain myself. This is one of those culture vs. actuality issues, in my opinion. Very few people actually thought make up was Biblicaly wrong, and you could find scripture to support a ban on cosmetics as well as those verses that support it. This was more of a group culture - we don't do that, so it's not normal for us to even consider it - then when someone in charge gives the go, then a lot of people go hog wild to make up for lost time, plus when you have zero experience with makeup, it's going to look bad for a minute. You'd think by now though, that esecially the younger Duggars would figure out Michelle's clown cheeks and lips, with no mascara, look bad, as does a ton of bronzer and eyeliner. Even if it's fun and you apply it well (for a drag queen or photo shoot), it's Too Much for everyday. 

  • Love 1
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. I'm 35, and the cursive I was taught was that every letter in a word is joined (with the only exception being some capitals, such as O.) But lowercase ps and rs definitely join the following letter.

 

You're taught that every letter joins up, but when you get older and move into your own handwriting, you tend to drop certain join ups.  Even my parents and grandparents who were taught Spencer script in school and had really lovely handwriting did not join up all the letters. It's mostly the young or those who are just learning script will join the letters. It's your individualized style. Of course, the word individualized may have already answered my doubts about the handwriting.

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I learn so much here.  I have long wondered the thought processes at work here...how a family that preaches modesty at all costs can allow their womenfolk to spackle on the makeup.  If knees and any hints of skin are covered and hidden, why would the women take their face - the one bit of skin they are allowed to show - and paint it up like a burlesque dancer?  Makeup is lovely in moderation.  Michelle looks like she took every product marketed to teenager girls of the 80's and put it on all at once, and her daughters are following suit.

Edited by laurakaye
  • Love 6
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I remember in the 80s when my Pentecostal/Charismatic relatives went from their churches not allowing women to wear makeup, cut hair, anyone go to movies, to restaurants that served alcohol, males and female (even kids) not being able to swim together, no one wearing jewelry except a wedding band and a watch, etc., to the full on Jim and Tammy Faye Baker extravagance flips. Seems like overnight, they were suddenly allowed to Not Look Amish or whatever, and they went over the top with the bling, makeup, rhinestones, teased up hair, fake nails, bedazzled everything. Whereas before, Pentecostal meant Holiness (there are still some Holiness churches that forbid all that BTW), which meant plain and modesty, then after, it meant God adorned the temple so let's let our lights shine as bright as these here rhinestones. It baffles me to this day how people who have had it ingrained for generations that makeup = heathen, sin attempted to lie and seduce, then suddenly it's OK and they all go overboard with the makeup gun set to Vegas Showgirl. 

Seems like as soon as the Duggar girls were old enough to court, they did the same thing, but looking at those old specials where Jana is what, 14 or 15? Michelle has that clown blush and lipstick on with her big ole maternity prairie dress. I hate to begrudge them for being able to wear makeup and have those long elaborate curls, because it's about the only bit of creativity they are allowed, but geez, turn it down a few notches.

Exactly.

I was raised the same way. Plain. Holy. No make up, jewelry, nothing fancy. You could spot the Fund Baptists by their neat and plain clothing, flat shoes, no make up etc.

Then BOOM and it was sexy, hot and "modest". I am still puzzled with this. I don't care, dress however you want. But don't lecture about knees being provacative but then paint on red lipstick so every male is thinking about your lips and where they can go. It's just so inconsistent.

  • Love 8
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Exactly.

I was raised the same way. Plain. Holy. No make up, jewelry, nothing fancy. You could spot the Fund Baptists by their neat and plain clothing, flat shoes, no make up etc.

Then BOOM and it was sexy, hot and "modest". I am still puzzled with this. I don't care, dress however you want. But don't lecture about knees being provacative but then paint on red lipstick so every male is thinking about your lips and where they can go. It's just so inconsistent.

It's not really inconsistent once you realize that Michelle and her daughters take their cues from Tammy Faye Bakker and Jan Crouch.

aaa.jpg

 

aa.jpg

  • Love 5
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But don't lecture about knees being provacative but then paint on red lipstick so every male is thinking about your lips and where they can go. It's just so inconsistent.

 

Why can I hear Michelle saying, "Lips aren't sexy!"?

Edited by Churchhoney
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