Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Defrauder]

I am in turmoil. I am so distressed over the loss of the vessel and crew of the cargo ship El Faro.

My husband has spent his lifetime on the sea (Captaining the big guys) and what happened to the El Faro is every marine industry person's nightmare. What were they doing out there? This was actually a route my husband has been working (Jax to San Juan PR) and had told his company he would not go out into Joaquin. But many are pressured to stay on schedule. We will never know what particular circumstances pushed that cargo vessel out to sea.

My heart is breaking.

This is heartbreaking.  It was such a powerful, strong hurricane, Cat. 4 almost Cat 5, and to be pressured to take that on to stay on schedule is tragic.  I'm glad your husband didn't go into it.  Take care and know people care.

[amitville]

NewDigs - please consider the LIKE button here as more of a SQUEEZE-AROUND-THE-SHOULDERS button...

Best explantion ever.

[NewDigs]

Thank you all.

DH and I have been distressing over this on the phone for days. I didn't think it would hit me this hard. But, when details of the debris field became more clear, I kind of lost it.

Thank you.

[kassygreene]

The CNN report says they lost propulsion.  Every other ship out there was able to get out of the way because they had working engines.  Engines break down no matter how well you maintain them (I have an eighteen year old car, so I know this).  It's bloody bad luck to have a breakdown that strands you in killing weather.  

 

I don't want to sound callous - I cry over this too.  But sometimes the otherwise inconsequential breakdowns are going to put people in danger, and it won't be anybody's fault.  Any other week of this year they would have had time to fix the engines, or call for help, or even abandon ship.  This week they didn't.

[NewDigs]

The CNN report says they lost propulsion. Every other ship out there was able to get out of the way because they had working engines. Engines break down no matter how well you maintain them (I have an eighteen year old car, so I know this). It's bloody bad luck to have a breakdown that strands you in killing weather.

I don't want to sound callous - I cry over this too. But sometimes the otherwise inconsequential breakdowns are going to put people in danger, and it won't be anybody's fault. Any other week of this year they would have had time to fix the engines, or call for help, or even abandon ship. This week they didn't.

And that's why it's best to sometimes stay in port.

ETA that I'm not sure just how many other vessels were able to "get out of the way". Do you? At least one of this crew was able to abandon ship. His was the first body found and he was in a survival suit. At least one shredded lifeboat has been found.

Edited October 6, 2015 by NewDigs

[NewDigs]

Sorry to have pooped in the convo but as long as I'm here:

I still hate balloons, antibacterial soaps, micro-cleansing beads and at least one other thing.

But I still love my cat. And beer. And at least one other thing.

You guys are the best.

Edited October 6, 2015 by NewDigs

[Treehugger]

New Digs, I can feel the pain you're experiencing in the words that you have written.  All I can say is that I hope the distress passes and that you start feeling better soon.

 

To the rest of the Prayer Closet, I've been a long time lurker and am finally coming into the light so this is my first post for the Prayer Closet.  

[Julia]

My husband has celiac disease, my niece is vegetarian, my sis-in-law had bypass surgery and another is lactose intolerant and yet everyone enjoys Thanksgiving and what food they can eat. Some adjustments are made if possible, but overall it's not seen as a burden and they'd rather people feel as if they belong. Of course everyone is grateful rather than demanding which makes all the difference.

 

I think everyone's been around that kid whose parents sit back and smile while they tear the place down because they can't have that cola they want (yeah, kid, I'm going to give you sugar and caffeinate you with a diuretic. This is a thing that will happen not just in this lifetime but at this actual table.) but it's kind of irresponsible to assume that your guests are those parents. I would find something else for an adult guest to eat - amongst my family, I've got sulfite sensitivity (so no wine), no alcohol, lactose intolerance, vegetarians, vegans, macrobiotic, celiac, low-carb, low-sugar, no leafy greens (something about potassium?), no soy, no tree nuts, no pectin or pectin-rich fruit, no food gums, no pignoli nuts, no apples, no fat, no cruciferous vegetables and limited sodium - so I can't see the logic in not providing for a kid. If the kid actually comes pre-provided, I don't see where I'd have a say at all.

Edited October 6, 2015 by Julia

[Happyfatchick]

The sun!!!!! The sun is out and it's BEEEEEAUTIFUL!!!!! Ugh, the rain wasn't helping my stress level at all. The guys went on a scheduled fishing charter today, and my grandson (almost 13) went. He goes to sleep late, especially on vacation, and had a hard time falling asleep last night, excited about the fishing trip. Then I hear muffled snorting... He's wiggling, giggling, he's holding his nose trying not to laugh (he's on a pallet at the end of our bed). He giggled and giggled and giggled, and I didn't say anything because I was 13 once... But the hubs was irritated. Finally the grand sits up and through his snorting says, "Giggy, I got the church giggles!" [he heard me retelling the story about the dead guy on the plane...]

Another Tybee story: I've been shopping at the same seafood shop for years. Years!!! And been waited on by a girl (woman) who NEVER EVER smiles (she works in a fish store, who could blame her?). I'm all ABOUT people, and making them comfortable, making them talk, making them smile. I worked on this chick for EVER trying to crack the code. Nope. Never even heard her speak except to say, "can-I-hep-ya?" Then I discovered she sings karaoke!!! She does!!! She loves to sing!!! She thinks Lady Gaga is the best thing ever ever ever. I cracked the code!!!!!

So year before last, my DIL and my grands (2 of them) came to Savannah for a quick break and rode over to Tybee. On the way out, I was telling her about the fish store, and the non-smiling, non-talking girl who works there. We've been calling her "Princess" for all these years, as a joke. We stopped in to buy some shrimp to bring home. My granddaughter (5 at that time) walked right up to the counter, studied the girl and says, "Are you the MEAN princess???"

Priceless. I actually do know her name now, we're pals. Probably some people reading know exactly who and where I'm talking about. Haha!!

Edited October 6, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[kokapetl]

I think everyone's been around that kid whose parents sit back and smile while they tear the place down because they can't have that cola they want (yeah, kid, I'm going to give you sugar and caffeinate you with a diuretic. This is a thing that will happen not just in this lifetime but at this actual table.) but it's kind of irresponsible to assume that your guests are those parents. I would find something else for an adult guest to eat - amongst my family, I've got sulfite sensitivity (so no wine), no alcohol, lactose intolerance, vegetarians, vegans, macrobiotic, celiac, low-carb, low-sugar, no leafy greens (something about potassium?), no soy, no tree nuts, no pectin or pectin-rich fruit, no food gums, no pignoli nuts, no apples, no fat, no cruciferous vegetables and limited sodium - so I can't see the logic in not providing for a kid. If the kid actually comes pre-provided, I don't see where I'd have a say at all.

What can people in your situation eat?

[Defrauder]

I think everyone's been around that kid whose parents sit back and smile while they tear the place down because they can't have that cola they want (yeah, kid, I'm going to give you sugar and caffeinate you with a diuretic. This is a thing that will happen not just in this lifetime but at this actual table.) but it's kind of irresponsible to assume that your guests are those parents. I would find something else for an adult guest to eat - amongst my family, I've got sulfite sensitivity (so no wine), no alcohol, lactose intolerance, vegetarians, vegans, macrobiotic, celiac, low-carb, low-sugar, no leafy greens (something about potassium?), no soy, no tree nuts, no pectin or pectin-rich fruit, no food gums, no pignoli nuts, no apples, no fat, no cruciferous vegetables and limited sodium - so I can't see the logic in not providing for a kid. If the kid actually comes pre-provided, I don't see where I'd have a say at all.

That sounds like an impossible dietary situation at a family gathering with the only possible solution would be for each person to bring what they can eat.  

[Julia]

What can people in your situation eat?

 

I can eat most of those things. I just have to cook for people who can't for family gatherings.

 

If I had to cook something everyone in my family could eat on thanksgiving, it would probably be tuscan chickpea flour crepes filled with roasted winter vegetable ratatouille and maybe some white bean hummus. But then, I've been doing this a while :)

Edited October 6, 2015 by Julia

[lookeyloo]

Re: the food issues. Mr. lookeyloo has sensitivities to cow dairy so I (not him, or is it he?) ask the questions.  He doesn't ask for anything special and just wants to know what to avoid.  We have never had any difficulty with this except for his very own mother who would say "just a little won't hurt you-you can cheat this time".  She should know that a puke inducing migraine isn't fun.

 

Daughter in law used not to eat meat.  She never asked for anything special and would eat the "sides".  She eats meat now.

 

Mr. lookeyloo had a sternal wound infection after his bypass surgery.  It was just him, no one else in the hospital, and it was an odd bug that could have been living inside him all along.  The infectious disease doctor had a challenge with the culture and figuring out what it was, but she did.  Later in the process, after a wound that was healing but very slowly (a year about) and lots of IV drugs, Mr. lookeyloo's sister, the veterinarian, suggested Hibiclens on the wound.  Which guess what, it closed up for good in about a week.  It was about done healing anyway, but  was very slow about it.  Told Dr. Infectious Disease and she said "oh yeah, we keep some in our shower and we all use it".  What's up with that?  Anyway, I rarely use Purell or antibiotic soaps.  Just washing. 

[Julia]

moved from the Jill thread

Just for perspective, I worked out that it would have been (at an absolute minimum) $3800 just for Derrick and Jill to fly there and back, twice.  I'm not saying that they got this much money from their donors but if they did, it honestly just makes me sad.  It costs $25 to immunise a child and $120 to train a teacher but the Dillards have spent their "missionary" money on themselves and their expensive travel.

 

We have a family tradition of making donations instead of buying presents for our families. One of our charities is Heifer International (it's hard to find a hallmark card for the gift of a llama or a water buffalo, but it's a lot of fun to make).

 

Anyway, coincidentally, the business model is paying it forward. Whoever gets the livestock, the fish, the plants, or the training commits to providing the seeds or produce or training to other people in their communities. Last year, we sent out a milk-producing goat, five flocks of geese (eggs and meat), a collection of fleece-bearing animals for yarn making, training for a community health worker and four hives of bees. It cost a fraction of what they've spent on plane fare, and the benefits are going to multiply.

Edited October 6, 2015 by Julia

[Satchels of gold]

We use Heifer international too. Great organization.

Edited October 6, 2015 by nc socialworker

[ChocolateAddict]

We do the same thing which is why I mentioned it :) We use World Vision which actually has a card that you can print out and give.  I kicked it off by giving my brother a pig, hahaha. It's actually quite fun to look through all the different presents but it is always so hard to decide which one to buy. 

[ChocolateAddict]

ChocolateAddict, your best bet is for the family to ignore the picky eaters. Let them eat bread and chicken. Literally, do not cater to them. One of my cousins, with whom we vacationed regularly, would only eat chicken nuggets and fries...and she was in the age range of 19-23 at the time. That's all she ever ate growing up. Whenever we went out, we had to make sure the restaurant had them on the menu. One night, we all (and this was a group of 12-15) wanted to go out to a Greek restaurant. She pitched a fit. We said, "tough." She managed to try a different version of chicken strips & potatos. She lived. She's 27 now, and has slightly broadened her tastes. Another anecdote: my brother went through a phase where he would hardly eat anything (around ages 6-8). He would be at the dinner table for HOURS because my parents made him take 3 bites of everything. He would eat peanut butter. The pediatrician told my parents that was a good source of protein, if that was most of what he'd eat. Long story short, he went through that phase and grew to be 6'4" and 230. He lived. I think most families go through the picky eater phase, but the key is how it's handled.

That is basically what we have decided.  It isn't a problem if they don't want the seafood/salads/chicken/dips, more for the rest of us!  Given the sheer amount of variety on the table, neither mum nor I are going to whip up another dish because they won't touch 99% of it. I should point out that we told their parents to bring whatever food they want for the kids but they never do.  

Edited October 6, 2015 by ChocolateAddict

[Julia]

We do the same thing which is why I mentioned it :) We use World Vision which actually has a card that you can print out and give.  I kicked it off by giving my brother a pig, hahaha. It's actually quite fun to look through all the different presents but it is always so hard to decide which one to buy.

 

Heifer does too, but it's one of the only times in the year when I get to use my software for fun, so I like making my own

 

http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/p_tv/76899190/446/446_900.jpg

http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/p_tv/76899190/684/684_900.jpg

[ChocolateAddict]

 

Heifer does too, but it's one of the only times in the year when I get to use my software for fun, so I like making my own

 

http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/p_tv/76899190/446/446_900.jpg

http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/p_tv/76899190/684/684_900.jpg

Hahahaha those are fantastic! 

[kalamac]

Because it was suggested we move the talk here from the Jessa thread, and because I find the concept weird, here's an interesting take on why the coffee shop Pay-It-Forward chains really only benefit the coffee shop.

http://www.fastcompany.com/3034747/fast-feed/breaking-a-pay-it-forward-chain-isnt-being-a-cheap-bastard-its-good-economics

[Joe Jitsu913]

I really hate to be the Debbie Downer, but since this is the Prayer Closet I figured I would ask for prayers/good thoughts for my Mum. She is having gall bladder surgery next Tuesday and I'm worried beyond belief. She just turned 70 and because I suffer from OCD/Anxiety my mind is going through worst case scenarios. I'm the only child she has close by while my siblings live down South. I'm always the one who has to deal with her medical and financial issues now that she's older. It's a lot of stress and I worry if something goes wrong during surgery. Please send positive energy. I would really appreciate it.

[Pixie Chicken]

French Toast, I hope I didn't offend when I referred to the in-laws' "food issues" as hypochondria. Allergies/sensitivity are real. One of my kids has a food allergy serious enough to require an Epi-Pen on his person at all times, so I get it. We have to ask about every ingredient and read every label.

Like most here, I don't care who eats what. Picky eaters are fine. Someone wants to come for Christmas and eat just the corn? More mashed potatoes for me!

What DOES gall me are people who diagnose themselves with Celiac disease, for instance, and insist that modified versions of every recipe to be prepared to their liking, because any gluten whatsoever would result in major trauma. Then they arrive and announce that the gluten-laden rolls look so delicious, they'll "just eat a few." (True story...)

You and your son would be welcome at my table anytime. :)

[Love2dance]

I really hate to be the Debbie Downer, but since this is the Prayer Closet I figured I would ask for prayers/good thoughts for my Mum. She is having gall bladder surgery next Tuesday and I'm worried beyond belief. She just turned 70 and because I suffer from OCD/Anxiety my mind is going through worst case scenarios. I'm the only child she has close by while my siblings live down South. I'm always the one who has to deal with her medical and financial issues now that she's older. It's a lot of stress and I worry if something goes wrong during surgery. Please send positive energy. I would really appreciate it.

Joe Jitsu, sending hugs and positive thoughts to you and your mum. I know many people who have had extremely positive results from that surgery and wishing the same for her. ((Hugs))

[JenCarroll]

I really hate to be the Debbie Downer, but since this is the Prayer Closet I figured I would ask for prayers/good thoughts for my Mum. She is having gall bladder surgery next Tuesday and I'm worried beyond belief. She just turned 70 and because I suffer from OCD/Anxiety my mind is going through worst case scenarios. I'm the only child she has close by while my siblings live down South. I'm always the one who has to deal with her medical and financial issues now that she's older. It's a lot of stress and I worry if something goes wrong during surgery. Please send positive energy. I would really appreciate it.

Of course you're worried, it's only natural. I can tell you that I had that surgery (and it was an emergency in my case, because the gall bladder sludge had hit my pancreas and the pancreas was shutting down) and came through fine. If they've scheduled it for next week, it's still at a manageable stage and she's likely to feel fine within a few days afterwards, a week at most. The surgery is usually laparoscopic nowadays, so there's not even a major incision.

Everyone I know that's had it felt much better afterwards. You don't even realize how crummy you've been feeling until it gets better. She'll probably have to limit dietary fat for a while, but even that resolves eventually as your body settles into it. I know you'll worry anyway, but I hope you can hold onto thoughts about what a common procedure it is, and the good outcomes people have.

You have all my positive energy directed your way.

[Almost 3000]

Ditto to what JenCarroll said. While all surgery is stressful this is usually an easy one. (full disclosure I've been putting it off but only because I keep getting better)

[frenchtoast]

Sending healing and quick recovery for your mom's surgery! And don't feel bad about being worried, it is normal. 

French Toast, I hope I didn't offend when I referred to the in-laws' "food issues" as hypochondria. Allergies/sensitivity are real. One of my kids has a food allergy serious enough to require an Epi-Pen on his person at all times, so I get it. We have to ask about every ingredient and read every label.

Like most here, I don't care who eats what. Picky eaters are fine. Someone wants to come for Christmas and eat just the corn? More mashed potatoes for me!

What DOES gall me are people who diagnose themselves with Celiac disease, for instance, and insist that modified versions of every recipe to be prepared to their liking, because any gluten whatsoever would result in major trauma. Then they arrive and announce that the gluten-laden rolls look so delicious, they'll "just eat a few." (True story...)

You and your son would be welcome at my table anytime. :)

Awww not at all and thanks. Yeah, the awareness of gluten free is great because there's much more available than there was 13 years ago. On the flip side, it irritates and annoys because of people that have "abused" that don't understand the implications. Being sick for a week (or more)? Nope, not going to touch the rolls OR the butter you just double dipped in. Hubby's grandma is terrible for that--can't you have just one, you'll be fine. No, no he won't. But yeah, those that are gluten free because it's suddenly trendy? As hubby says, "It's like a food allergy, it's not for my girlish figure." And then pats his rotund belly--I am a good cook ;)

 

As an adult picky eater, I don't expect to be catered to, and I'll go along with whatever is there and if it means I'm only drinking a soda and everyone else is happy, why is that a problem? (I also eat a wide range of food, and I can almost always find something to eat) I just don't understand how that offends people. And when it's kids, having a picky eater is somehow an indictment of bad parenting. It's just after years of getting "Why doesn't Son eat this? You should do this that and the other thing" it gets real old. He doesn't have any allergies or intolerances, though he does have a mild sensory issue. (He loves the rides at Six Flags, but walking around, he'll cover his ears when a coaster roars by) There's just so much scrutiny on parents these days and it really seems we can't win for trying. I know adults with less self control than some kids, and yet kids are chastised for being...kids. They have not physically, mentally or emotionally matured and to expect them to behave better than adults? That's just asking so much. And the people who get the most flak for it are the parents--you're doing this wrong, you're doing that wrong. What is wrong with you and your kid. 

 

Ok, sorry. That was a rant. It bothers me when family and friends focus and complain about my son being a picky eater--Why won't he eat this? Well, can you just lay off? He's so many wonderful and good things, does it really matter that he doesn't want to eat the brisket. Does it really make him such a terrible person that he's only going to eat the rolls? Can you maybe look at the whole picture rather than be bothered by that one thing? He's not doing it to bother you, he's just...him. And he's allowed to be who he is. And, going from experience, I know what it's like to sit there, staring at the food and gagging on it. And once you gag, you're done for. And going from my experience and how I resented my stepfather (and still do) for being so unyielding and inflexible about it, I vowed I would never do that to my child. I would rather the dinner table be a place where we can regroup at the end of the day and be a family and if we all are eating something different, as long as we're together and talking and eating, I'm fine with it. And no, it doesn't make me a bad parent.

 

I should note that I have one really picky eater (though he can usually find something to eat) and I have another that will try and eat most anything. Nature vs nurture in microcosm in my house, lemme tell ya.

[lookeyloo]

frenchtoast - first son was very picky eater.  He threw up the first bottle I fed him!  Pediatrician checked him out and he was growing at an acceptable rate and exceeding developmental milestones.  Instruction was not to worry and leave him alone re: food.  in his preteen years he ate only "white food" except for hamburgers.  i never cooked special for him.  Lots of whining at mealtimes.    Fast forward to college where it all changed.  Maybe peer pressure, maybe his tastes matured, who knows.  He is a grownup with kids of his own and eats mostly everything minus a few things, like tomatoes and mushrooms and he doesn't love fruit but sometimes has fresh pineapple or a banana.  Now HIS kids are pulling the fussy eater thing and he is outdone with them!!!  They don't have any issues except they are kids.  Daughter in law just serves the meal and that is that.  will be interesting to see how it turns out.  I have read that kids' taste buds are very "alert" and they taste things at a more intense level which is maybe why to some kids some things don't taste good to them, at least yet.  

 

And why can't "helpful" people keep their mouths shut??  

[Liz Tudor]

frenchtoast, I know exactly what you mean. The story I shared upthread about my brother eating mostly nothing but peanut butter for 2 years was a HUGE issue among family. My mom was beside herself, and our pediatrician said to keep encouraging other foods, but my brother would survive fine on mainly peanut butter sandwiches. He didn't look healthy though, he was scrawny and you could see his ribs. One of our more thoughtful family members said he looked like a Biafran child (they were prominent in the news at the time for having a horrible famine). I thought my mom was going to lose it. Like you said, they made it seem like she was locking him in a closet and starving him intentionally. Strangers can make thoughtless comments in passing, but family can be the worst. Both sides of mine had food issues. At the time my brother was too skinny, I was told I ate too much. For years, I thought I was overweight (I wasn't) because at get-togethers, my relatives always carped on what/how much I was eating. It was very confusing. Not long ago, we were looking at old photos, and I commented that I wasn't s fat kid after all. My mom was furious...she hadn't realized that I'd felt that way all this time. It hardly ever happens, but family members should just keep things to themselves if they're not willing to be educated about things that affect the people they love. We are so much more aware now of food allergies & sensitivities that older relatives don't understand (or don't care to), and they just assume people are being picky or trying to get attention. I learned a lot about food allergies when a HS classmate's son had allergies to nearly everything: wheat, dairy, eggs, shellfish, peanuts (I'm sure I'm leaving out something). He was SO allergic that if peanuts were anywhere near, he'd start with anaphylactic symptoms. She was terrified for him, and people just thought it was an attention grab vs. a life & death situation. He's in his early teens now, and is able to have more foods now, but still has acute reactions to others. He's learned to handle his situation and thoughtless people beautifully. Now I've been on a rant, but it all comes down to one of my favorite Erma Bombeck titles: "Family: the ties that bind...AND GAG." ;-)

[Julia]

frenchtoast, I think all parent drivebys come with the implicit message [i'm in way over my head, and I secretly believe I totally suck at this, but] "Hey, here's what you're doing wrong."

[questionfear]

French Toast, I hope I didn't offend when I referred to the in-laws' "food issues" as hypochondria. Allergies/sensitivity are real. One of my kids has a food allergy serious enough to require an Epi-Pen on his person at all times, so I get it. We have to ask about every ingredient and read every label.

Like most here, I don't care who eats what. Picky eaters are fine. Someone wants to come for Christmas and eat just the corn? More mashed potatoes for me!

What DOES gall me are people who diagnose themselves with Celiac disease, for instance, and insist that modified versions of every recipe to be prepared to their liking, because any gluten whatsoever would result in major trauma. Then they arrive and announce that the gluten-laden rolls look so delicious, they'll "just eat a few." (True story...)

You and your son would be welcome at my table anytime. :)

 

I agree on the gluten free bandwagon. I feel bad for actually gluten free people, but it's not a catch-all.

 

My son has major allergies too (peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame seeds), and we were on vacation once and stopped by a restaurant to ask if they could accommodate him. I was talking to the owner and got as far as "my son has some food allergies" and he interrupted me with "Oh, don't worry, we can handle gluten allergies". I resisted the urge to smack him, and managed to grit out that he could have a huge plate of gluten as long as there were no nuts and seeds in it, and the owner looked totally confused. We did not eat there. 

 

I am constantly shocked at how many places will accommodate his allergies but also assure us that his food is gluten free, or worriedly tell us his food will have gluten in it. It's like the gluten people have brainwashed restaurants into believing all allergies relate to gluten. 

[Lemur]

I am constantly shocked at how many places will accommodate his allergies but also assure us that his food is gluten free, or worriedly tell us his food will have gluten in it. It's like the gluten people have brainwashed restaurants into believing all allergies relate to gluten. 

 

Five years from now, the only people discussing gluten-free foods are the poor souls who actually need to eat a gluten-free diet.  It's like when sugar-free became a thing and they loaded up everything with aspartame and corn syrup and now these folks are back to screaming about real cane sugar being used. 

[Readalot]

Joe - when my dad was 70 he had emergency gallbladder surgery. He had a complete and quick recovery, was in the hospital for three days. Make sure she takes the suppositories if they give them to her. Not pooping will increase the pain and prolong the recovery. ---- I grew up picky as heck. Ate about three things, PB and J being one of them. So either I ate before or my mom brought a sandwich to family gatherings. It really bothered my family I didn't meat (the texture freaked me out then, but once I got over it my late teens I can tell you I'm obese because I love meat). My mom use to tell my family I hate eating poor animals so they would lay off. For the past decade we have thanksgiving potluck with dear friends. They always ask what the kids want to eat, but as always if I know they won't eat what's on the menu I bring food for them to eat, with enough for others if they want some too. Never a word has said nor implied about the pickyness.

[Micks Picks]

I've always been picky although I didn't think so until it was pointed out.  I just thought you ate what you wanted and what didn't make you sick.  No, not without a ton of people demanding you try this and that.  Now I have GI issues that are very severe and often can't eat at all and all I hear is "you gotta eat" and I've gotten aggressive about pushing back.  No I don't "gotta eat".  And when the condition stikes the worst thing I can do is eat, so I consider it hurtful that somebody else would annoy me nagging about something I know very well  will make me extremely ill.

[Muffyn]

My family shares a genetic disorder.  One part of it is a high or cathedral hard palate.  Because of that, we tend to not do well with gritty foods, things like potatoes, tomatoes, many beans.  So as a child, the texture of these foods affected me so much I would gag.  My eldest brother had the same issue.  My parents didn’t push the issue.  Later I wore an appliance to force my teeth out and then had surgery to lower my palate (it was so high it caused drainage issues).  It is also common for people on the autism spectrum to have similar issues with the feel of certain foods.  Part of it is grittiness in the mouth.  Part is a sense of certain gooey or pasty foods feeling like they fill the back of the throat, triggering the gag reflex.  It hits me sometimes.  As someone said above, once you start gagging, there’s no turning back.  I was good for a long time, but I’ve started having some issues again.  It didn’t occur to me until recently that I did not eat peanut butter as a child.  I would get cream cheese and jelly sandwiches. 

 

I go to two extremes on how people address food issues.  It drives me nuts how so many people are going gluten free.  Many people had some positive effects when first giving up gluten because they completely changed their eating habits, having to give up even occasional junk food and no longer over-loading in one type of food.  But with the new products, it is possible to get plenty of the same items they used to eat without gluten.  (Not bashing people for eating junk food or loving pasta; just commenting on dietary changes.) There is an advantage for people with celiac disease.  I am glad they have more options.  At the same time, I have seen “gluten free” products that have a tag that they are produced in plants that also process products that include gluten.  So for the casually gluten free folks they are fine; for people with celiac disease, they are not.   So in some ways it makes it harder for people with celiac disease.  Someone will say something is gluten free, they have some and then they are sick for days.  No bueno. 

 

At the same time, I have some sensitivities.  I have to be careful with corn.  Since corn is in so many things, I look for corn free products and avoid major corn sources – no tortilla chips for me.  However, if I have some, I won’t die.  I will however have skin issues and relatively mild digestive issues.  I hate when people decide for me that it is all in my head.  I went through a lot of testing and elimination diets to identify what was causing my skin issues.  I am happier when I am not an itchy, flaky mess with blocked ears.  If I decide to eat popcorn, I know what the effect will likely be.

 

I was at a very nice restaurant with a dining club I was part of.  They asked if anyone had any allergies.  I am not allergic to peas but they make me gag.  Again, once the gagging starts, you’re down for the meal.  So, I told the head waiter that.  Our group was such a mess (every arrived at different times, we were late for the reservations, people would not be quiet so others could order) that the timing of this multi-course meal was off.  They offered an extra gratis course which they brought right as I was speaking with the waiter.  It was a pea boudino.  I politely asked the server to not place it because I couldn’t eat it.  One of the other people in our group started damn near yelling “leave that!  Someone will eat it!”  They then insisted that the restaurant bring me another course.  I kept saying they didn’t need to.  Heck, I had already ordered a four course meal and they automatically bring an amoouse bouche and a cookie and chocolates course.  When everyone else was eating the boudino, the pushy woman and one of the men at the table kept riding me on how I should try it, it’s sooooo delicious, it doesn’t taste that much like peas, etc.  I also politely explained to pushy person that, as an adult, I know what I can and cannot eat.  I won’t tell her what to eat.  She shouldn’t get involved in my or anyone else’s choices.  She got very insulted and made passive aggressive jibes throughout the meal.  After another incident like this, I left the group. 

 

So it’s not just with children that people go overboard.  But I agree, too many people seem to think they need to give an opinion on what others are doing, whether it is how they eat or how they raise their children.

[Lemur]

When everyone else was eating the boudino, the pushy woman and one of the men at the table kept riding me on how I should try it, it’s sooooo delicious, it doesn’t taste that much like peas, etc.  I also politely explained to pushy person that, as an adult, I know what I can and cannot eat.  I won’t tell her what to eat.  She shouldn’t get involved in my or anyone else’s choices.  She got very insulted and made passive aggressive jibes throughout the meal.  After another incident like this, I left the group. 

But before doing so, you stabbed her with your fork and made a witty comment about her being well done, right?  Please?  Can I just imagine it?

 

My brother did something similar at a family meal, pushing me to eat a salad his wife had prepared "special" (which looked like your average bagged salad).  I believe my response, after the eighth time he made a comment about my Crohn's Disease and not eating salad was, "I could eat it, but then I'd end up s*******g it all over your car."  Sometimes, as sad it is, being crude is the only way to get the message across.  

[zoomama]

re: gluten free diets

 

it is sort of a fad diet these days to avoid gluten while not actually having a health reason to do so. i HAVE to eat gluten free; i have celiac disease. its amazing to me how many times people will say things about my limitations. i know what i can and can't have. i may choose to take a bite of a roll but i also know i will be sick in two days so that is rare. people with celiac have different reactions to gluten - mine are all gastrointestinal and not very fun.

 

ps: i have been in hospital (not due to celiac) and not reading along as much. i am trying to catch up.

Edited October 7, 2015 by zoomama

[bigskygirl]

Sending good thoughts and {{{HUGS}}} for your mom JoeJitsu913

 

I do not understand why certain people do not understand about others have issues with eating certain foods or do not like certain foods. My in-laws think I am an odd duck because I do not like seafood or wild game meat. The sight and smell of seafood or wild game meat makes me sick. I will take a few bites, but I do not like being bugged about eating certain foods.

 

And on another note. The cardiology office called. My tests from last week look good. No signs of heart damage or plaque buildup in my arteries. My grandma had plaque buildup and had a procedure to clean out her arteries in her neck. I am still showing signs of arrhythmia so I will be having a followup visit with a cardiologist on 10/29. The sleep specialist thinks the arrhythmia may be caused by the sleep apnea. Going from hyper to hypothyroidism may also be causing problems also. I think I do have tissue and/or muscle damage due to my blasted thyroid going out of whack. I have pain, sore throat, and a weird feeling in the area where my thyroid is at since the radiation ablation treatment. Crossing fingers we are finally getting some answers after two and a half years of feeling sick and miserable.

[Readalot]

Bigskygirl check into POTS Postual Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. My family has it. Arrhythmia and exhaustion are common.

[Love2dance]

Sending good thoughts and {{{HUGS}}} for your mom JoeJitsu913

 

Crossing fingers we are finally getting some answers after two and a half years of feeling sick and miserable.

BIGSKYGIRL, so glad to hear about the good results from your tests and that you are finally getting the answers you need!

[Readalot]

Re Jill, the free donuts and giving away to the homeless. We just returned from college tour trips to two states. We boxed our good leftovers and gave them to the homeless around the restaurants in both states. We had a very meaningful conversation with a homeless man for the first giveaway that impacted my teen daughter. Honestly we all had tears after we all shook his hand. As we were walking away she said "I should of took a selfie with him". We then had a great conversation about dignity etc. she said she was not going to post it but just wanted a picture of that moment. I don't think she was going to brag either. She did post a tweet something like "'Poor in money, but rich in spirit" and "I met an amazing human" but that's it. (She is a good kid, always thinking of others, in fact she started a club last year at her HS to integrate the Special Ed kids with her peers) I think her generation is so use to documenting every second of their life they don't think twice. Luckily we were able to teach her a lesson before she posted something bad unintentionally.

[lookeyloo]

Did anyone read the book "Don't Kill the Birthday Girl"?  True story about a girl with very severe food allergies and how the tiniest bit of cross contamination could lead her to the hospital.  So interesting.  Also, the chef Ming Tsai has a child with these issues, and since he runs restaurants, has written a manual for restaurants to use dealing with all these issues and the idea "that a little won't hurt" when it will, and how the counters, cooking utensils, etc. have to be separate and apart from contaminants (other foods).  Very interesting.  Highly recommend.

[allonsyalice]

Re: The picky talk.

 

I'm a veerrryyyy picky eater and now I'm learning to cook for myself (my mom taught me easy meals) and, well, no. I'm giving myself a headache with how picky I am. Which is fun. 

[kokapetl]

Re: Krispy Kreme Duggar pirate scandal, if we live in a developed country, we have no excuse for any of our population suffering from malnutrition, homelessness etc. That a Duggar's actions could be interpreted as exploiting the homeless and hungry reflects poorly on us. Anglo countries/Western Europe have had the means to deal with this issue for over forty years now.

[Missy Vixen]

In recent years she has further streamlined this system by eliminating the part where she pays us back. But every year at least a couple people remember to praise her choice of wine and/or thank her for her generosity. She is quite gracious in accepting all compliments.

True story.

I wonder if your sister and my other sister-in-law know each other. Believe it or not, that's been one of her tricks, too, but it typically happens in a restaurant. Orders a bottle of wine for herself at any gathering, refuses to pay for it when the bill comes: "It was FOR THE TABLE," despite the fact that "the table" consisted of one person.

 

I haven't been out to eat with her for five years now as a result.

[GeeGolly]

Joe Jitsu, warm & fuzzies coming your way. My mom had hers out as emergency surgery. All went well, 3 days, 2 nights, and she was home.

 

 

 

My response to people who attempted to judge my kids was to smile politely and say something like, "Yup, but we don't like to make big deals out of our kid's -insert topic here - i.e. eating habits, pacifier, because in the scheme of things it really is no big deal. Some pushy folks would want to still keep it going with, "Oh but what about nutrition?" or "That's going to be a big orthodontia bill!' And I would likely respond with, "No worries he/she sees a pediatrician regularly."

Edited October 7, 2015 by GeeGolly

[wanderwoman]

Update.

I'm sorry I haven't been around lately. I don't even know where to start. Maybe, the good news first? Miss M had her cochlear turned on and she has some hearing in the ear that was strongest to begin with. It's kind of hard, at her age, to know what she is hearing, but she is hearing. For the most part, you wouldn't know she was deaf or premature now. She's just small and cute. Finally got her wearing 3-6month size clothes. Lol

Bad news: wanderman pulled a wander-affair and is wandering his ass back to his wanderlust... or something like that. Yes. He had had an affair. That's why he went from being super dad to super jerk. On one hand, I know life was hard for us this year. It was stressful and we were apart a lot. But, I didn't feel the need to find comfort elsewhere. That's because I was raising our child! Yuck. Thinking of me being in that NICU with our baby and him being with another woman makes me sick. She is convinced that this is true love. Ha! If he can leave a preemie hanging, I'm not sure he's true love material, lady. The best irony is that she has no desire for kids and since Maisie is pretty labor intensive, he's not really fighting me on custody. Jerk. It angers me that Maisie fought so hard and her dad is less strong than she.

As a result, we left the cabin. We're in town and it's hard. I'm job hunting and watching the money go out. We have a temporary order for support but he's not actually being held to a high alimony or child support standard. Not enough for us to get by on without me working. I don't mind working, I just wish Maisie were a bit older. We shall survive.

[lookeyloo]

Oh Wanderwoman!  First, thanks for the update.  We are all concerned about you. Yes, you and precious Maisie shall survive!  It will be hard but it will happen.  Been there, done that.  Time does help, and as Maisie gets older and I'm assuming your treatments are bearable or even over? you will find a new path in life.  You sound very resilient.  I didn't think I had it in me, so you are two steps ahead.  Life will be good again.  I promise.

[Joe Jitsu913]

Thank you all. I really do appreciate it. It's hard because I'm not close to my siblings emotionally or distance-wise. Sometimes it would be nice to have them to lean on for support. Mentally, I'm much more fragile than they are and sometimes I resent them for not being there for my mom. The rational side of me knows that this surgery is minor, but my anxiety takes over. Mental illness sucks.

[GeeGolly]

Update.

I'm sorry I haven't been around lately. I don't even know where to start. Maybe, the good news first? Miss M had her cochlear turned on and she has some hearing in the ear that was strongest to begin with. It's kind of hard, at her age, to know what she is hearing, but she is hearing. For the most part, you wouldn't know she was deaf or premature now. She's just small and cute. Finally got her wearing 3-6month size clothes. Lol

Bad news: wanderman pulled a wander-affair and is wandering his ass back to his wanderlust... or something like that. Yes. He had had an affair. That's why he went from being super dad to super jerk. On one hand, I know life was hard for us this year. It was stressful and we were apart a lot. But, I didn't feel the need to find comfort elsewhere. That's because I was raising our child! Yuck. Thinking of me being in that NICU with our baby and him being with another woman makes me sick. She is convinced that this is true love. Ha! If he can leave a preemie hanging, I'm not sure he's true love material, lady. The best irony is that she has no desire for kids and since Maisie is pretty labor intensive, he's not really fighting me on custody. Jerk. It angers me that Maisie fought so hard and her dad is less strong than she.

As a result, we left the cabin. We're in town and it's hard. I'm job hunting and watching the money go out. We have a temporary order for support but he's not actually being held to a high alimony or child support standard. Not enough for us to get by on without me working. I don't mind working, I just wish Maisie were a bit older. We shall survive.

Happy to hear you ladies are moving forward! You truly are an inspiration. Please accept my admiration of what a strong woman and even stronger mom you are Wanderwoman.

[wanderwoman]

Oh Wanderwoman!  First, thanks for the update.  We are all concerned about you. Yes, you and precious Maisie shall survive!  It will be hard but it will happen.  Been there, done that.  Time does help, and as Maisie gets older and I'm assuming your treatments are bearable or even over? you will find a new path in life.  You sound very resilient.  I didn't think I had it in me, so you are two steps ahead.  Life will be good again.  I promise.

My treatments are draining but they're supposed to be. I am lucky that I have a good primary care coordinator who is on top of the pain and nausea. My hair didn't fall out completely, but it got really, really brittle and patchy. My biggest challenge is figuring out how to balance Maisie, her appointment schedule, my appointments, and looking for a job.