Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Absolom]

I believe so.  It was talking of current conditions, but I don't think it said specifically. 

[Ohiopirate02]

46 minutes ago, Absolom said:

I saw this one this morning.  I was a little surprised getting hair done was so two levels higher than the dentist or doctor.  I guess it's the amount of time in close proximity.

Whoever did this has not stopped foot into a busy library is decades.  

[CalicoKitty]

15 hours ago, jcbrown said:

Salvation Army is anti-LGBTQ, which is why we haul our crap to Goodwill even thought it would be easier to have someone pick it up.

@Nysha I hope your results are good.

Please Google Salvation Army LGBTQ Support.  They clearly state that they do NOT discriminate.  I tried to post it, but the section was too large.  The Army is a Christian-focused group, but they give aid to anyone in need at any time.  They also have one of the highest percentage of donations actually going to people in need instead of administration.

[jcbrown]

40 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

Please Google Salvation Army LGBTQ Support.  They clearly state that they do NOT discriminate.  I tried to post it, but the section was too large.  The Army is a Christian-focused group, but they give aid to anyone in need at any time.  They also have one of the highest percentage of donations actually going to people in need instead of administration.

That's their position statement but their past actions speak differently. Here's a summary.

[GeeGolly]

I did therapy with different guys who used the Salvation Army's city shelter. The days are filled with a Christian bend. One of my clients is gay. He lasted one night and left after breakfast. The others struggled staying there as well. Most guys in need of a shelter would use it as a last resort.

[fonfereksglen]

34 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I did therapy with different guys who used the Salvation Army's city shelter. The days are filled with a Christian bend. One of my clients is gay. He lasted one night and left after breakfast. The others struggled staying there as well. Most guys in need of a shelter would use it as a last resort.

What about all the moms and children who receive free food,  free day care, free summer camps and free everything from the SA?  What about all the Kroc centers all around the country?

If the goal is to cancel the SA, what is in place to replace the enormous good done by the SA?  Nothing!

Edited June 14, 2020 by fonfereksglen
Spelling, as usual.

[ouinason]

Canceling SA isn't in the cards, but not supporting them and giving your donations to a different organization is a good idea if you don't agree with their policies.  I prefer Lighthouse Ministries (or did, when I was in Tampa) to either SA or Goodwill.  I don't care for the SA and I think Goodwill keeps a stupid percentage of their money.

[ChiCricket]

9 hours ago, doodlebug said:

Interesting that his church requires reservations.  Mine is just telling people that, should the church reach capacity, the ushers will refuse to admit anyone else and the doors will be closed and no one can enter from outside the building.

They said they are doing it to be fair. Whoever gets into those first masses won't get to attend another one until everyone who wants to attend a Mass has had a chance to attend one.  

 My sister's evangelical church in Colorado is doing something similar. She was complaining to me about it today. They have 800 parishioners, and only 50 were allowed in today (today was their first time also.)

Next Sunday it'll be a different group of 50, and so on. She is incensed because  "everyone can still go to tattoo parlors!!"  to which I replied "last time I knew, you don't have 800 people gathered together in a tattoo parlor."😂

Edited June 14, 2020 by ChiCricket

[ouinason]

You would think they would do more services each week to help get more people into the church more often.  Getting out of the habit of attending church is a problem that many preachers have with membership.  You get used to staying home on Sunday morning and you don't really feel the urge to go back.  Even good Christians can fall into that.

[Absolom]

Our local parish is using a reservation system also.  We can seat over 1150 per mass so the small limit doesn't work well in that large a parish.  My neighbor's small church can only have 36 congregants with the space requirements so they're asking half the congregation to stay home each weekend plus they're waiting until next Sunday to return to the building.

[Scarlett45]

My vacation is winding down. Going to watch my Sunday shows with my mom, finish my sister’s laundry and clean the bathroom. 
 

Another week a new start! Although my vacation was not what I expected I am glad for the mental break. 

[ChiCricket]

On 6/12/2020 at 10:45 PM, Nysha said:

I have asthma, COPD, and I'm morbidly obese. I know that losing weight is a major component to resolve this issue and today I've finally come to realize that if I don't I'm going to die sooner rather than later. 

All three of those for me too. 😭 (And I've never smoked in my life ,btw.)

I just had a virtual visit with my shrink and I started crying when I told him I just gained 15 pounds during the 3 months we've been on lock down. I had a lap-band done, that I had lost 50 lbs with, that had to be removed when it made me unable to eat or drink anything (even water)after awhile. 😟

He just just started me on topiramate for weight control this week. I looked it up and it says it's used for seizures and migraines of which I have neither, but then I looked further, and it is used for weight loss too..so..I guess since I'm desperate I'm going to keep trying it. (Seems to be working so far.)

I probably shouldn't have looked it up.I love to sabatoge myself. 😜

[Scarlett45]

5 minutes ago, ChiCricket said:

All three of those for me too. 😭 (And I've never smoked in my life ,btw.)

I just had a virtual visit with my shrink and I started crying when I told him I just gained 15 pounds during the 3 months we've been on lock down. I had a lap-band done, that I had lost 50 lbs with, that had to be removed when it made me unable to eat or drink anything (even water)after awhile. 😟

He just just started me on topiramate for weight control this week. I looked it up and it says it's used for seizures and migraines of which I have neither, but then I looked further, and it is used for weight loss too..so..I guess since I'm desperate I'm going to keep trying it. (Seems to be working so far.)

I probably shouldn't have looked it up.I love to sabatoge myself. 😜

Losing weight is so hard under the best circumstances, with all of the stress we’ve been under please don’t be too hard on yourself. Good luck getting the pounds off. 

[GeeGolly]

1 hour ago, fonfereksglen said:

What about all the moms and children who receive free food,  free day care, free summer camps and free everything from the SA?  What about all the Kroc centers all around the country?

If the goal is to cancel the SA, what is in place to replace the enormous good done by the SA?  Nothing!

I'm not sure I understand. How is the Salvation Army getting canceled?

[CherryMalotte]

3 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Whoever did this has not stopped foot into a busy library is decades. 

Oh holy smoke yes - every time including the last time I was actually in the library it was soooooo busy!  And lots of little ones - there's all sorts of programs there for summer reading and activities.  

I desperately need  to see a movie....in a theatre.  By myself - away from my husband.   I can be patient though.   My vacation long weekend starts this Wednesday - I was to travel with my daughter and her girlfriend to Madison WI to meet up with my best gal pal and just spend the weekend shopping and eating.  I'm so bummed that we will probably not be doing that til maybe August/Sept, but I will take what I can get.  It'll just be a nice break to not work!

[doodlebug]

5 minutes ago, CherryMalotte said:

Oh holy smoke yes - every time including the last time I was actually in the library it was soooooo busy!  And lots of little ones - there's all sorts of programs there for summer reading and activities.  

I desperately need  to see a movie....in a theatre.  By myself - away from my husband.   I can be patient though.   My vacation long weekend starts this Wednesday - I was to travel with my daughter and her girlfriend to Madison WI to meet up with my best gal pal and just spend the weekend shopping and eating.  I'm so bummed that we will probably not be doing that til maybe August/Sept, but I will take what I can get.  It'll just be a nice break to not work!

Ohio opened up movie theaters recently.  They have limited capacity and social distancing inside the theater is required.  Masks recommended but not required. The big chain theaters still aren't open, but some of the smaller chains and solo ones are.  I haven't felt the urge to go, but a friend went last week and she was the only person in the theater at the movie she chose.  Needless to say, she felt very safe.  She saw The High Note which is a chick flick, so probably not that appealing to the usual moviegoing crowd.  She liked the movie, too.

[PikaScrewChu]

1 hour ago, ouinason said:

You would think they would do more services each week to help get more people into the church more often.  Getting out of the habit of attending church is a problem that many preachers have with membership.  You get used to staying home on Sunday morning and you don't really feel the urge to go back.  Even good Christians can fall into that.

I'm waiting for more Catholic churches around here to adopt Saturday evening Mass as it is still technically fulfilling the obligation to attend Mass. The Episcopalian church by me is refusing to re-open until there is a vaccine or viable treatment. 

I'm surprised flying is so low on that list. I normally would have flew several times by this point in the year and planes are flying germ factories. I'm dreading the future of flying after this.

[GeeGolly]

31 minutes ago, PikaScrewChu said:

I'm surprised flying is so low on that list. I normally would have flew several times by this point in the year and planes are flying germ factories. I'm dreading the future of flying after this.

Huh, that didn't even register with me. I'm very surprised!

[Scarlett45]

30 minutes ago, PikaScrewChu said:

I'm surprised flying is so low on that list. I normally would have flew several times by this point in the year and planes are flying germ factories. I'm dreading the future of flying after this.

I think with flying the air is circulated adequately and the number of human interactions is limited. The AIRPORT I think would be far more dangerous than the flight itself (germ wise), if you have a direct flight and spend the least time possible in the airport, and got the first flight out for example that may reduce your risk. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

My daughter is an emotional mess right now...She's had a bit of a cough for the past three weeks, and after it had not gone away for the first week, she got tested for Covid-19. Negative. So a few days later, she went to her primary care physician, and got chest x-rays. They didn't show anything unusual. She has an appointment with the pulmonologist, but they weren't able to see her for another two weeks, as everything in that specialty is pretty booked solid right now. So she has been on the internet, and has decided that the only thing that makes any possible sense is that she has COPD, which there is no cure for, so she will never see her daughter grow up. 

Never mind that she has always been ridiculously healthy, 32 years old, eats a vegetarian diet, runs half-marathons (well, up until now), and barely allows herself any vices. But she smoked for a few years around the end of college, and thinks that this is enough to have damaged her lungs forever. 

Her husband is at his wits' end, as she is inconsolable, has barely eaten or slept in almost a week, and will not even listen to anyone who tries to tell her that a diagnosis of COPD is extremely unlikely, and even in the event that she might possibly have the beginnings of it, she would very likely have many years left anyway. 

Thing is, that she feels that she cannot breathe, and no matter how much we might suggest to her that panic and anxiety can also cause a feeling of suffocation, she will not listen, and keeps reiterating that she's done the reading, and the only thing that makes any sense is COPD, and her life is about over.

I don't know how else I can get through to her without her getting angry at me for not taking her opinion seriously enough.

On top of that is the fact that apparently she and her husband have been trying for baby #2 (after the miscarriage she had late last year), but after two months, she is not pregnant, and has decided that she'll never be able to have any more children. Yes, my daughter can be quite prone to jumping to worst-case scenarios. I'd be very surprised if she managed to get pregnant in the state she's in at the moment.

[emma675]

I wonder if flying is so low on the list since so few people are doing it right now? A celeb I follow on Instagram flew to see her family this weekend and LAX was virtually empty in her videos (she commented on how weird it was) and the plane was half full and middle seats were all left empty on purpose. I adore traveling and I would normally have had a summer trip planned by now, which bums me out. I'm hoping to go somewhere this fall but I'm going to wait and see how it goes. As it is now, we may be on our third or fourth wave of Covid by then. 

[galaxychaser]

All the protests in NYC are bound to bring on the second wave of COVID.  I’m just so depressed and upset about everything.  I feel like I’m living in a nightmare.  
 

 

[PikaScrewChu]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

I think with flying the air is circulated adequately and the number of human interactions is limited. The AIRPORT I think would be far more dangerous than the flight itself (germ wise), if you have a direct flight and spend the least time possible in the airport, and got the first flight out for example that may reduce your risk. 

The current recommendation is that you try and plan as many layovers as possible rather than take direct flights. Being stuck with someone who has the virus for 45 minutes has much lower risk than being stuck with them for 4-6 hours. So either way you're between a rock and a hard place. 

That being said I flew enough short haul flights this year to last me awhile. Unless things have changed, they likely aren't flying jumbo jets on those flights to adequately space people out. There have only ever been two short haul flights in my life where I was able to get on a jumbo jet. Crazy feeling when you're used to sitting in the equivalent of a tin can for the same flight!

I haven't been following if airlines are switching aircraft to be honest. It is too depressing since I had several trips planned before this all went down. My friends who have flown during the past three months have said that a lot of flights are mostly full. Anecdote doesn't equal data and all that but I wasn't particularly surprised. 

[galaxychaser]

44 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

My daughter is an emotional mess right now...She's had a bit of a cough for the past three weeks, and after it had not gone away for the first week, she got tested for Covid-19. Negative. So a few days later, she went to her primary care physician, and got chest x-rays. They didn't show anything unusual. She has an appointment with the pulmonologist, but they weren't able to see her for another two weeks, as everything in that specialty is pretty booked solid right now. So she has been on the internet, and has decided that the only thing that makes any possible sense is that she has COPD, which there is no cure for, so she will never see her daughter grow up. 

Never mind that she has always been ridiculously healthy, 32 years old, eats a vegetarian diet, runs half-marathons (well, up until now), and barely allows herself any vices. But she smoked for a few years around the end of college, and thinks that this is enough to have damaged her lungs forever. 

Her husband is at his wits' end, as she is inconsolable, has barely eaten or slept in almost a week, and will not even listen to anyone who tries to tell her that a diagnosis of COPD is extremely unlikely, and even in the event that she might possibly have the beginnings of it, she would very likely have many years left anyway. 

Thing is, that she feels that she cannot breathe, and no matter how much we might suggest to her that panic and anxiety can also cause a feeling of suffocation, she will not listen, and keeps reiterating that she's done the reading, and the only thing that makes any sense is COPD, and her life is about over.

I don't know how else I can get through to her without her getting angry at me for not taking her opinion seriously enough.

On top of that is the fact that apparently she and her husband have been trying for baby #2 (after the miscarriage she had late last year), but after two months, she is not pregnant, and has decided that she'll never be able to have any more children. Yes, my daughter can be quite prone to jumping to worst-case scenarios. I'd be very surprised if she managed to get pregnant in the state she's in at the moment.

Hopefully it’s not COVID. Panic attacks do indeed cause you to not be able to breathe. Maybe she is having allergies. 

[Marshmallow Mollie]

1 hour ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

My daughter is an emotional mess right now...She's had a bit of a cough for the past three weeks, and after it had not gone away for the first week, she got tested for Covid-19. Negative. So a few days later, she went to her primary care physician, and got chest x-rays. They didn't show anything unusual. She has an appointment with the pulmonologist, but they weren't able to see her for another two weeks, as everything in that specialty is pretty booked solid right now. So she has been on the internet, and has decided that the only thing that makes any possible sense is that she has COPD, which there is no cure for, so she will never see her daughter grow up. 

Never mind that she has always been ridiculously healthy, 32 years old, eats a vegetarian diet, runs half-marathons (well, up until now), and barely allows herself any vices. But she smoked for a few years around the end of college, and thinks that this is enough to have damaged her lungs forever. 

Her husband is at his wits' end, as she is inconsolable, has barely eaten or slept in almost a week, and will not even listen to anyone who tries to tell her that a diagnosis of COPD is extremely unlikely, and even in the event that she might possibly have the beginnings of it, she would very likely have many years left anyway. 

Thing is, that she feels that she cannot breathe, and no matter how much we might suggest to her that panic and anxiety can also cause a feeling of suffocation, she will not listen, and keeps reiterating that she's done the reading, and the only thing that makes any sense is COPD, and her life is about over.

I don't know how else I can get through to her without her getting angry at me for not taking her opinion seriously enough.

On top of that is the fact that apparently she and her husband have been trying for baby #2 (after the miscarriage she had late last year), but after two months, she is not pregnant, and has decided that she'll never be able to have any more children. Yes, my daughter can be quite prone to jumping to worst-case scenarios. I'd be very surprised if she managed to get pregnant in the state she's in at the moment.

Oh that is tough. Could it be allergies? Maybe she is outside more to keep your granddaughter entertained?

I am a fairly even keeled person, but I have become completely convinced I was dying several times. I had breast cancer at 31, and about every other year I become convinced I have had a metastatic recurrence, and then all my symptoms go away once I have the scans. 

[SunnyBeBe]

1 hour ago, Jynnan tonnix said:My daughter is an emotional mess right now...She's had a bit of a cough for the past three weeks, and after it had not gone away for the first week, she got tested for Covid-19. Negative. So a few days later, she went to her primary care physician, and got chest x-rays. They didn't show anything unusual. She has an appointment with the pulmonologist, but they weren't able to see her for another two weeks, as everything in that specialty is pretty booked solid right now. So she has been on the internet, and has decided that the only thing that makes any possible sense is that she has COPD, which there is no cure for, so she will never see her daughter grow up. 

Never mind that she has always been ridiculously healthy, 32 years old, eats a vegetarian diet, runs half-marathons (well, up until now), and barely allows herself any vices. But she smoked for a few years around the end of college, and thinks that this is enough to have damaged her lungs forever. 

Her husband is at his wits' end, as she is inconsolable, has barely eaten or slept in almost a week, and will not even listen to anyone who tries to tell her that a diagnosis of COPD is extremely unlikely, and even in the event that she might possibly have the beginnings of it, she would very likely have many years left anyway. 

Thing is, that she feels that she cannot breathe, and no matter how much we might suggest to her that panic and anxiety can also cause a feeling of suffocation, she will not listen, and keeps reiterating that she's done the reading, and the only thing that makes any sense is COPD, and her life is about over.

I don't know how else I can get through to her without her getting angry at me for not taking her opinion seriously enough.

On top of that is the fact that apparently she and her husband have been trying for baby #2 (after the miscarriage she had late last year), but after two months, she is not pregnant, and has decided that she'll never be able to have any more children. Yes, my daughter can be quite prone to jumping to worst-case scenarios. I'd be very surprised if she managed to get pregnant in the state she's in at the moment.

I hope she’s just nervous about covid, like so many of us are. Back when I was sick in March....I had that fear hit me a few times, but was able to reign it in.  I hope she snaps back after getting good news from the doctor.  Maybe, they can provide her reasons she has trouble breathing. Maybe, it’s anxiety.  If that is what it is, I hope she’ll get it treated. Somatic illnesses can be just as debilitating as actual medical conditions. It’s terrible. 

[latetotheparty]

22 minutes ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

I am a fairly even keeled person, but I have become completely convinced I was dying several times. I had breast cancer at 31, and about every other year I become convinced I have had a metastatic recurrence, and then all my symptoms go away once I have the scans. 

*hugs* I had uterine cancer at 35 in 1987 and that fear kicks up every time something happens, even after 33 cancer free years. A couple months after my hysterectomy I was driving home from work and rubbing my neck when I found a lump on the side of my neck. I FREAKED OUT. I called my mom sobbing, “It’s starting all over again.” She asked me: did you take a shower this morning? Well, yeah. She said, “Honey, I don’t think you have to worry about anything that grows that fast.”

I went to the urgent care. Turned out it was an ear infection that went into the lymph node. Cured by antibiotic magic. You’d think after that I’d learn to be a little bit calmer but no. Every time is freak out time. 

[Temperance]

3 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

My daughter is an emotional mess right now...She's had a bit of a cough for the past three weeks, and after it had not gone away for the first week, she got tested for Covid-19. Negative. So a few days later, she went to her primary care physician, and got chest x-rays. They didn't show anything unusual. She has an appointment with the pulmonologist, but they weren't able to see her for another two weeks, as everything in that specialty is pretty booked solid right now. So she has been on the internet, and has decided that the only thing that makes any possible sense is that she has COPD, which there is no cure for, so she will never see her daughter grow up. 

Never mind that she has always been ridiculously healthy, 32 years old, eats a vegetarian diet, runs half-marathons (well, up until now), and barely allows herself any vices. But she smoked for a few years around the end of college, and thinks that this is enough to have damaged her lungs forever. 

Her husband is at his wits' end, as she is inconsolable, has barely eaten or slept in almost a week, and will not even listen to anyone who tries to tell her that a diagnosis of COPD is extremely unlikely, and even in the event that she might possibly have the beginnings of it, she would very likely have many years left anyway. 

Thing is, that she feels that she cannot breathe, and no matter how much we might suggest to her that panic and anxiety can also cause a feeling of suffocation, she will not listen, and keeps reiterating that she's done the reading, and the only thing that makes any sense is COPD, and her life is about over.

I don't know how else I can get through to her without her getting angry at me for not taking her opinion seriously enough.

On top of that is the fact that apparently she and her husband have been trying for baby #2 (after the miscarriage she had late last year), but after two months, she is not pregnant, and has decided that she'll never be able to have any more children. Yes, my daughter can be quite prone to jumping to worst-case scenarios. I'd be very surprised if she managed to get pregnant in the state she's in at the moment.

I think it's a very scary time and she is right to be worried. I've been having trouble with my anxiety and I'm close in age to your daughter.  Things you could do that I think would be helpful is validate that some of the worries are coming from the real state and not just her head. Also it might help to try to tone down interest in having more grandchildren; be contented with what you have and try to ease the pressure on her.   She might want to put off having another baby; the coronavirus can have complications with pregnancy. (Hopefully neither you nor your family get the virus, but these uncertain times.) 

I don't have kids (yet) and my parents have no grandchildren. My mom says she's not worried about it. 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Temperance

[GeeGolly]

Definitely sounds like anxiety @Jynnan tonnix. It's good that she's seeing medical specialists because it's helps to verify good physical health. New and exacerbated anxiety have increased tremendously in the last few months.

Although most coping skills take a while to learn there are a few things she can do in the mean time. Our thoughts are our worst enemy and our best defense with managing anxiety. First is to stop Googling symptoms, even before covid a cough could lead to death on Google. I'm assuming your daughter's PC listened to her lungs and heard normal breath sounds. She needs to remind herself of that. Her chest x-rays looked good, she needs to keep reminding herself of that too. Does she have any hobby interests? A distracting hobby is about the easiest skill to do. It'll at least give her moments of peace by occupying her mind and decreasing catastrophic thinking, and will also relax her chest muscles (and the rest of her body). Journaling is helpful, again occupying her mind, and putting her thoughts on paper allows the mind to let go a little. She could look up CBT, which if she does have anxiety, will become her super power. She could find progressive muscle relaxation and guided meditation apps on her phone. Showers and baths work for some. Holding ice cubes help some. Even if she's not buying into her symptoms being caused by anxiety, these things can help anyone feeling stressed for any reason.

One thing she could do, although not always recommended, is have a glass of wine. 

I wouldn't recommend she Google anxiety, because when anxiety is newly diagnosed, reading about it can sometimes make it worse and cause folks to adopt additional symptoms. 

I recommend her finding a therapist, one that specializes in CBT, if possible. Insurance companies in all states now allow telehealth for therapy, as well as psychiatry.

You could help her by remaining calm and validating her symptoms. Things like, "It must feel scary to have a tight chest". (try not to say "can't breathe"). "Let's remember your lungs look good and are working fine, even if it doesn't feel that way". "I'm right here (or a phone call away) to help however I can".

Some folks don't like to be alone, some do. Some like physical contact, some don't. Find out what feels helpful to her.

Also, some folks become snippy when anxious, so don't take it personally.

Many hugs to your daughter, you and your families.

[lookeyloo]

10 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

My daughter is an emotional mess right now...She's had a bit of a cough for the past three weeks, and after it had not gone away for the first week, she got tested for Covid-19. Negative. So a few days later, she went to her primary care physician, and got chest x-rays. They didn't show anything unusual. She has an appointment with the pulmonologist, but they weren't able to see her for another two weeks, as everything in that specialty is pretty booked solid right now. So she has been on the internet, and has decided that the only thing that makes any possible sense is that she has COPD, which there is no cure for, so she will never see her daughter grow up. 

Never mind that she has always been ridiculously healthy, 32 years old, eats a vegetarian diet, runs half-marathons (well, up until now), and barely allows herself any vices. But she smoked for a few years around the end of college, and thinks that this is enough to have damaged her lungs forever. 

Her husband is at his wits' end, as she is inconsolable, has barely eaten or slept in almost a week, and will not even listen to anyone who tries to tell her that a diagnosis of COPD is extremely unlikely, and even in the event that she might possibly have the beginnings of it, she would very likely have many years left anyway. 

Thing is, that she feels that she cannot breathe, and no matter how much we might suggest to her that panic and anxiety can also cause a feeling of suffocation, she will not listen, and keeps reiterating that she's done the reading, and the only thing that makes any sense is COPD, and her life is about over.

I don't know how else I can get through to her without her getting angry at me for not taking her opinion seriously enough.

On top of that is the fact that apparently she and her husband have been trying for baby #2 (after the miscarriage she had late last year), but after two months, she is not pregnant, and has decided that she'll never be able to have any more children. Yes, my daughter can be quite prone to jumping to worst-case scenarios. I'd be very surprised if she managed to get pregnant in the state she's in at the moment.

Gosh I am sorry to hear she is so distraught!  If it is any consolation, a couple of years ago my brother was diagnosed with COPD.  Couldn't breathe, coughing, lungs felt clogged, needed oxygen at home, etc.  He was quite depressed about it.  Never smoked.  Then they did a procedure where they vacuumed out his lungs? and related area.  Guess what.  Cured.  Or never had it to begin with.  There are lots of causes less dire. Hoping that is her case.

[doodlebug]

10 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

My daughter is an emotional mess right now...She's had a bit of a cough for the past three weeks, and after it had not gone away for the first week, she got tested for Covid-19. Negative. So a few days later, she went to her primary care physician, and got chest x-rays. They didn't show anything unusual. She has an appointment with the pulmonologist, but they weren't able to see her for another two weeks, as everything in that specialty is pretty booked solid right now. So she has been on the internet, and has decided that the only thing that makes any possible sense is that she has COPD, which there is no cure for, so she will never see her daughter grow up. 

Never mind that she has always been ridiculously healthy, 32 years old, eats a vegetarian diet, runs half-marathons (well, up until now), and barely allows herself any vices. But she smoked for a few years around the end of college, and thinks that this is enough to have damaged her lungs forever. 

Her husband is at his wits' end, as she is inconsolable, has barely eaten or slept in almost a week, and will not even listen to anyone who tries to tell her that a diagnosis of COPD is extremely unlikely, and even in the event that she might possibly have the beginnings of it, she would very likely have many years left anyway. 

Thing is, that she feels that she cannot breathe, and no matter how much we might suggest to her that panic and anxiety can also cause a feeling of suffocation, she will not listen, and keeps reiterating that she's done the reading, and the only thing that makes any sense is COPD, and her life is about over.

I don't know how else I can get through to her without her getting angry at me for not taking her opinion seriously enough.

On top of that is the fact that apparently she and her husband have been trying for baby #2 (after the miscarriage she had late last year), but after two months, she is not pregnant, and has decided that she'll never be able to have any more children. Yes, my daughter can be quite prone to jumping to worst-case scenarios. I'd be very surprised if she managed to get pregnant in the state she's in at the moment.

I don't know your daughter, and I hate to make diagnoses over the internet; but I think your daughter might have an anxiety disorder.  Your story has a lot of the earmarks.  Getting her to see the family doc to talk about this might be a first step.  There are amazing and amazingly simple therapies that can help tremendously and he or she can refer her to a good therapist.

These days, due to the incredible pressure and uncertainty of the times; more and more people are being diagnosed.  It is an epidemic, too.  In my own practice, I am seeing women daily who usually cope with life just fine, who are decompensating emotionally over seemingly small things. 

GeeGolly did a wonderful job providing suggestions in the post above; please consider some of them.

Edited June 15, 2020 by doodlebug

[Jynnan tonnix]

1 minute ago, doodlebug said:

I don't know your daughter, and I hate to make diagnoses over the internet; but I think your daughter might have an anxiety disorder.  Your story has a lot of the earmarks.  Getting her to see the family doc to talk about this might be a first step.

These days, due to the incredible pressure and uncertainty of the times; more and more people are being diagnosed.  It is an epidemic, too.  In my own practice, I am seeing women daily who usually cope with life just fine, who are decompensating emotionally over seemingly small things. 

I'm pretty sure she does have an anxiety disorder...she has always been very, very anxious, and very driven - very much a perfectionist. This is not the first time that she has developed physical symptoms from her anxiety, going back as far as when she was about to start second grade and developed hives all over her back which followed a perfect map of the nervous system (at least that's what the doctor who lived next door said when he looked at her). She had really bonded with her first grade teacher, and was so scared about having a different one.

She seemed a bit brighter today after she, her husband, and daughter came and stayed with us for a couple of days. They will probably come back again later in the week and stay for a couple more days. It seems to do her some good, and she actually asked to come, which is huge for her, as she generally doesn't want to even admit to any weakness. For the last few days before she came over, her husband said that she had literally stayed lying down in a dark room and not been able to force herself to come out. She's still barely eating - I doubt she's had more than 300-400 calories a day in about a week, and she is very thin already.

[Jynnan tonnix]

7 hours ago, Temperance said:

I think it's a very scary time and she is right to be worried. I've been having trouble with my anxiety and I'm close in age to your daughter.  Things you could do that I think would be helpful is validate that some of the worries are coming from the real state and not just her head. Also it might help to try to tone down interest in having more grandchildren; be contented with what you have and try to ease the pressure on her.   She might want to put off having another baby; the coronavirus can have complications with pregnancy. (Hopefully neither you nor your family get the virus, but these uncertain times.) 

I don't have kids (yet) and my parents have no grandchildren. My mom says she's not worried about it. 

I have not mentioned anything to her about more grandchildren. Of course, we were all very disappointed when she had her miscarriage, but knowing her and how reluctant she is to do anything again once she has had a bad experience with it, I was actually pretty convinced that they were going to end up stopping with the one child. I had no idea they had decided to try again. And I would really be happier if they put it off until the coronavirus issues are better, though I do admit that if they do have another baby, it would be nice if the siblings were not much more than three years apart so they could be friends growing up.

[doodlebug]

1 hour ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I have not mentioned anything to her about more grandchildren. Of course, we were all very disappointed when she had her miscarriage, but knowing her and how reluctant she is to do anything again once she has had a bad experience with it, I was actually pretty convinced that they were going to end up stopping with the one child. I had no idea they had decided to try again. And I would really be happier if they put it off until the coronavirus issues are better, though I do admit that if they do have another baby, it would be nice if the siblings were not much more than three years apart so they could be friends growing up.

You never know about siblings, though.  My mom had a baby when I was nearly 16 and I am closer to her than I am to any of my other sibs, and its been that way for the past 20+ years.  I have an older sister, only a year ahead of me; and we were close growing up and still are fairly close; but I don't share my feelings with her like I do the baby sis.  I went away to college when she was just 2, she doesn't remember when I ever lived in my parents' home, but we just 'get' each other.

Also, I think that, within a year, we are going to be much more savvy about COVID and probably have an effective vaccine in place and postponing a new baby until then isn't going to make that much difference between the sibs.

 

[SunnyBeBe]

19 hours ago, Absolom said:

I saw this one this morning.  I was a little surprised getting hair done was so two levels higher than the dentist or doctor.  I guess it's the amount of time in close proximity.

Do you have a link for this?  I shared with a few people and we're trying to locate it.  It's very helpful. .......That's ok.  I found it!

Edited June 15, 2020 by SunnyBeBe

[doodlebug]

4 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Do you have a link for this?  I shared with a few people and we're trying to locate it.  It's very helpful. 

This is an article explaining who did the study and their conclusions, but it doesn't seem to have the handy graphic

https://www.mlive.com/public-interest/2020/06/from-hair-salons-to-gyms-experts-rank-36-activities-by-coronavirus-risk-level.html

Edited June 15, 2020 by doodlebug

[SunnyBeBe]

14 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

This is an article explaining who did the study and their conclusions, but it doesn't seem to have the handy graphic

https://www.mlive.com/public-interest/2020/06/from-hair-salons-to-gyms-experts-rank-36-activities-by-coronavirus-risk-level.html

Yes, I saw that. That explains it, but, it looks like MLive prepared it based on the doctor interviews and it's here.

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/coronavirus-health-experts-ranked-activities-risk-132702304.html

[Scarlett45]

Unrelated to anything serious going on the world:

 

My cat Mr Norris is so old. Omg. I know he’s 20, which of course is old, but he moves so slowly and he has arthritis so I’m making sure I wipe him with cat wipes and get the snot out of his eyes. 
 

He does not have a UTI, he just sometimes doesn’t make it to the litter box (thank goodness for vinegar from Costco). 
 

Awww my baby man. 

[galaxychaser]

 Barnes and Noble is still closed. I miss the clearance section.

 

Libraries are always packed beyond belief. I wonder if they will reopen by September. 
 

Anyone else buying books ? I bought 4 and will buy a few more.

[emma675]

I woke up with one of the lymph nodes popping out under my left ear and my whole jaw is sore on that side. I think I may have gotten an ear infection after I accidentally jammed an earring in wrong last week and caused one of my piercings to bleed (I apparently can't walk and put an earring in at the same time). This will be the first doctor's visit I've had since Covid started, which should be fun. 

[Oldernowiser]

Today I have hit the wall. I am exhausted, so terribly angry and sad about everything that I can’t change and my old dog might (or might not) be getting sick again. 

Today we are supposed to drive three hours to a non-refundable vacation rental we booked a year ago and it’s a logistical nightmare with Covid, because we need to take enough food for the week to avoid stores plus jam our stuff and the dogs’ stuff and bedding into the car somehow and plan for zero rest stops on the way and it all just makes me want to lie down and cry and I feel like a total asshole because talk about white privilege but I am so so damned tired. It just doesn’t seem worth all this effort.

Sorry.
 

[Scarlett45]

23 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Today I have hit the wall. I am exhausted, so terribly angry and sad about everything that I can’t change and my old dog might (or might not) be getting sick again. 

Today we are supposed to drive three hours to a non-refundable vacation rental we booked a year ago and it’s a logistical nightmare with Covid, because we need to take enough food for the week to avoid stores plus jam our stuff and the dogs’ stuff and bedding into the car somehow and plan for zero rest stops on the way and it all just makes me want to lie down and cry and I feel like a total asshole because talk about white privilege but I am so so damned tired. It just doesn’t seem worth all this effort.

Sorry.
 

I’m sorry. That doesn’t sound like a very fun vacation. If the money is spent regardless and you don’t want to go is staying home a possibility? Can someone else use it?

[SunnyBeBe]

6 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Gosh I am sorry to hear she is so distraught!  If it is any consolation, a couple of years ago my brother was diagnosed with COPD.  Couldn't breathe, coughing, lungs felt clogged, needed oxygen at home, etc.  He was quite depressed about it.  Never smoked.  Then they did a procedure where they vacuumed out his lungs? and related area.  Guess what.  Cured.  Or never had it to begin with.  There are lots of causes less dire. Hoping that is her case.

My mother was improperly diagnosed with COPD once!  Afterwards, she saw a specialist who said she did NOT have COPD.  She had a chronic cough due to GERD. Meds for that cleared it up.  

Ref. somatic illnesses (caused by psychological reasons, often stress related) They can be horrible for the patient AND their family members.  I'd treat it just as seriously as you would diabetes, hypertension, etc. It often gets worse over time. It causes the patient to be miserable, as well as those around them.  I'd strongly encourage anyone with this to seek help.  That's not easy to do though, because, the person often refuses to accept it.  I've dealt with it in my family and the stress on family members is off the scale. 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/somatic-symptom-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20377776#:~:text=Somatic symptom disorder is characterized,the symptoms is not normal.

Edited June 15, 2020 by SunnyBeBe

[Oldernowiser]

32 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I’m sorry. That doesn’t sound like a very fun vacation. If the money is spent regardless and you don’t want to go is staying home a possibility? Can someone else use it?

Not that I can think of. It just feels so frivolous right now, you know?

And the amount of stuff involved looks like we’re planning a Mars landing. Ridiculous.

Okay, will put on my Big Girl Pants, stop whining and get on with it.

Love to you all...see you in a few days.

[GeeGolly]

42 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

My mother was improperly diagnosed with COPD once!  Afterwards, she saw a specialist who said she did NOT have COPD.  She had a chronic cough due to GERD. Meds for that cleared it up.  

Ref. somatic illnesses (caused by psychological reasons, often stress related) They can be horrible for the patient AND their family members.  I'd treat it just as seriously as you would diabetes, hypertension, etc. It often gets worse over time. It causes the patient to be miserable, as well as those around them.  I'd strongly encourage anyone with this to seek help.  That's not easy to do though, because, the person often refuses to accept it.  I've dealt with it in my family and the stress on family members is off the scale. 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/somatic-symptom-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20377776#:~:text=Somatic symptom disorder is characterized,the symptoms is not normal.

From what Jyann Tonnix described it sounds more like her daughter has anxiety rather than somatic symptom disorder. Its not unusual at all to initially think any symptoms one has is from a physical issue. 

And its not at all unusual to experience great anxiety after receiving a scary diagnosis, which Jyann's daughter hasn't, but her mind went straight there.

That's what I understood from Jyann's post. Her daughter was experiencing anxiety symptoms and immediately thought covid (as we all would). Now she's unsure what's happening and is experiencing catastrophic thinking (an anxiety symptom), thinking the worst case scenario in regard to her tightening chest, which is likely an anxiety symptom. When she sees the pulmonologist and he rules out COPD, she'll likely see a decrease in anxiety symptoms, but because her anxiety symptoms came first, she likely has an anxiety disorder.

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by GeeGolly

[SunnyBeBe]

1 hour ago, Oldernowiser said:

Today I have hit the wall. I am exhausted, so terribly angry and sad about everything that I can’t change and my old dog might (or might not) be getting sick again. 

Today we are supposed to drive three hours to a non-refundable vacation rental we booked a year ago and it’s a logistical nightmare with Covid, because we need to take enough food for the week to avoid stores plus jam our stuff and the dogs’ stuff and bedding into the car somehow and plan for zero rest stops on the way and it all just makes me want to lie down and cry and I feel like a total asshole because talk about white privilege but I am so so damned tired. It just doesn’t seem worth all this effort.

Sorry.
 

Well, sometimes, a change of scenery is good. I have a friend who is very careful with restrictions, but, she felt she wanted to get her and her son out of their house.  So, she rented a cabin near a lake for about 4 days. Upon arrival they take everyone's temperature and ask questions about health.  They had kayaking, horseshoes, campfire, hiking, etc.  It was at a retreat resort in the mountains. They picked up their food in the cafeteria (all guests had to pickup. None allowed to eat in cafeteria) and brought it back to their cabin to dine. The place was cleaned well before their arrival.  They were able to stay far from others and enjoyed some fresh air and exercise. So, I think it is doable.  But, this place was only about a 30 minute drive from her house.  I hope you have a nice time. 

Edited June 15, 2020 by SunnyBeBe

[doodlebug]

2 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

Today I have hit the wall. I am exhausted, so terribly angry and sad about everything that I can’t change and my old dog might (or might not) be getting sick again. 

Today we are supposed to drive three hours to a non-refundable vacation rental we booked a year ago and it’s a logistical nightmare with Covid, because we need to take enough food for the week to avoid stores plus jam our stuff and the dogs’ stuff and bedding into the car somehow and plan for zero rest stops on the way and it all just makes me want to lie down and cry and I feel like a total asshole because talk about white privilege but I am so so damned tired. It just doesn’t seem worth all this effort.

Sorry.
 

You're just overwhelmed, but, once you get there, you'll probably be glad you went.  Take it one step at a time, don't sweat the small stuff and keep moving forward.  You'll get there or you won't.  If you find you forgot something, you'll either live without it or figure out a plan to get it in the safest way.   You're smart, you're capable, you've got this.

[Jynnan tonnix]

1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

My mother was improperly diagnosed with COPD once!  Afterwards, she saw a specialist who said she did NOT have COPD.  She had a chronic cough due to GERD. Meds for that cleared it up.  

Ref. somatic illnesses (caused by psychological reasons, often stress related) They can be horrible for the patient AND their family members.  I'd treat it just as seriously as you would diabetes, hypertension, etc. It often gets worse over time. It causes the patient to be miserable, as well as those around them.  I'd strongly encourage anyone with this to seek help.  That's not easy to do though, because, the person often refuses to accept it.  I've dealt with it in my family and the stress on family members is off the scale. 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/somatic-symptom-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20377776#:~:text=Somatic symptom disorder is characterized,the symptoms is not normal.

Yup, I had considered that GERD might be a likely source, since Mr Jyn and I (and my mom) all have it. And I'm sure her anxiety keeps her stomach acids bubbling anyway. I did suggest that to her when she was here, but she glared at me, then burst into tears again, and said that, no, it was not that because that wouldn't make her breathing feel so tight, and she knew what she had, and it was definitely COPD. Then she went upstairs and lay in a dark room for another three hours. She just refuses to allow that anxiety might have a role in it even though she freely admits that she has problems with anxiety in general. But she's just dug her heels in with this self-diagnosis in a way I've never seen her do before.

I do know that quarantine has been tough on her. Even though she's very much an introvert, she also gets stir-crazy if she doesn't get enough change of scenery and outside stimulation. I'm an introvert as well, but I'm one who can stay in my house indefinitely and never feel the need to venture out. Though I do admit that I'll be happy when I feel safe enough to go out to eat again. That I do like to do at least once in a week or two.

[SunnyBeBe]

41 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

Yup, I had considered that GERD might be a likely source, since Mr Jyn and I (and my mom) all have it. And I'm sure her anxiety keeps her stomach acids bubbling anyway. I did suggest that to her when she was here, but she glared at me, then burst into tears again, and said that, no, it was not that because that wouldn't make her breathing feel so tight, and she knew what she had, and it was definitely COPD. Then she went upstairs and lay in a dark room for another three hours. She just refuses to allow that anxiety might have a role in it even though she freely admits that she has problems with anxiety in general. But she's just dug her heels in with this self-diagnosis in a way I've never seen her do before.

I do know that quarantine has been tough on her. Even though she's very much an introvert, she also gets stir-crazy if she doesn't get enough change of scenery and outside stimulation. I'm an introvert as well, but I'm one who can stay in my house indefinitely and never feel the need to venture out. Though I do admit that I'll be happy when I feel safe enough to go out to eat again. That I do like to do at least once in a week or two.

Oh, I'm so sorry.  I've dealt with something very similar. It's so painful and frustrating. I've researched it and spoke with multiple doctors and therapists about it over the years.  Of course, they always rule out any actual medical issue.  You have to do that. The trouble with my family member is that they would not believe the doctor, even with tests results. Wouldn't believe specialists, even with tests results over and over. Eventually, she accepted the facts and was prescribed medication for anxiety and depression. She would take to her bed crying, exhausted and terrified she was dying.  Sadly, she wouldn't stay on medication.  I think she stayed so mentally ill for so long that feeling normal was uncomfortable to her.  Many prayers for her and your family.  My family member didn't get this way until she was in her late 40's.  If she had gotten prompt care for it then, I wonder if things would have gone better. Sadly, she's suffered with it for many years now and I can't see it changing.  The ironic thing is that her physical health is pretty good. But, she is full of misery every single day feeling sick. 

Edited June 15, 2020 by SunnyBeBe

[GeeGolly]

I seem to hit a wall every three days or so @Oldernowiser. I'm sorry this virus has muckied up your vacation. Hopefully the preparation is the worst of it and the drive and destination will be great.

I'm known as a bit of an oddball ...

Might I suggest you and your husband give yourselves names and make the drive an adventure of sorts. Captain Covid Killer and Bad-boy Bathroom Avoider. Magnificent Mastermind and Golden Goddess. Set mini missions throughout your drive, like make it 15 minutes without sighing or complaining, drive 10 minutes talking in song lyrics, or whatever.

I hope it turns into a low stress drive and a fun and relaxing vaca!