Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[ChiCricket]

1 hour ago, Christina87 said:

Today has just sucked!

/end rant. Just feels good to rant when you're still awake in the middle of the night because you're hurt / pissed off and your head is throbbing. Tomorrow HAS TO BE BETTER. I thought about watching gone with the wind tonight just to hear Scarlett say, "tomorrow is another day."

https://goo.gl/images/Wt2Q1w

[Love2dance]

@Christina87, sending you hugs, and comfort, and wishes for much better days. Hang in there! 

[Temperance]

@Christina87 I'm in a similar place in life and I'm trying to stay off social media more so it doesn't get to me that other people are "doing better" or "hitting life milestones" when I'm not.  I know a lot of people who had success meeting in on-line dating groups and meeting people is tough. The advice I get from other people is keep doing activities or joining groups where you're likely to meet people.  

Sometimes I'm more depressed about the way things are going for me personally and sometimes I'm worried about the world in general. 

Anyway stay strong everyone. I'm also sending Good Vibes and going with The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow from Annie. 

Edited November 16, 2018 by Temperance

[DangerousMinds]

Maybe online dating isn't the way to go?

[Lisa418722]

Online dating stinks.  I was just reading the profile of a guy that would be a good fit for a Duggar, Anna would be perfect for him because he's divorced because his wife "unbiblically abandoned" him. He wants someone  sexually pure and from reading the profile will ONLY talk about God,  Jesus,  and the Bible, but nothing else. I give up.  

[Scarlett45]

@Christina87 I’m so sorry you’ve been through this. (((Hugs)) it’s not you. Regarding the guy, he probably had you “in queue” or as Derrick Jaxxon on YouTube says “on the bench”(I admit I only watch him cause I think he’s hot but he’s not an idiot! Those muscles yumm)- Being “in queue” means a guy is seeing or starting to see a number of women, but keeps talking to you to keep the door open in case it doesn’t work out with the women he wants right now. When he locked down the woman he was seeing he blocked you because he knew he was leading you on and being shady. I’m sorry. 

Job hunting IS a job 100%! So much of it it’s being in the right place at the right time and knowing the right person. 

 

Feel better. 

[Scarlett45]

Double post. 

Edited November 16, 2018 by Scarlett45

[Absolom]

8 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

This woman used to be a totally different person. Now, she's just bitter and angry.

As are a really large percentage of people in assisted living.  They view it as storage until they die and resent it.  I can't say that I blame them in some ways, but hope I keep trying to make the best of things.  She may be depressed and this is her way of coping and she probably is attention seeking.  I see it with several of the residents every time I go see my mother.  She went through a stage like that, but at least for the moment has come out of it.

[Mindthinkr]

My friend takes about 50 miniature poinsettias to a local nursing home. For no reason other than to cheer the residents up. They do feel forgotten, abandoned and frustrated because they can no longer control their lives. I encourage everyone that can to do a random act of kindness this Holiday season. It doesn’t have to be plants. I know people that knit and make small lap blankets. Bake homemade cookies. Even the paper chains we all learned to make in grade school can spruce up their room and give them cheer. There’s no right or wrong thing to do, but please do something. 

@Christina87 Please don’t give up. It’s always when you least expect it that something lands in you lap. **HUGS**

[Christina87]

4 hours ago, Lisa418722 said:

Online dating stinks.  I was just reading the profile of a guy that would be a good fit for a Duggar, Anna would be perfect for him because he's divorced because his wife "unbiblically abandoned" him. He wants someone  sexually pure and from reading the profile will ONLY talk about God,  Jesus,  and the Bible, but nothing else. I give up.  

HAHAHAHA!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, and thanks for the support everyone. I am feeling a lot better today! Though I'm still hurt, the sun is shining, and I'm reflecting on the positive...I'm not being harassed on the daily like in my last job. Thanks to the Lord for that!!! People can just be so horrible sometimes. To me, there is SO MUCH DIFFERENCE between casually chatting with multiple people (like, texting them a few times a day about mundane things) and what he was doing. I'd expect a guy I met online to be talking to more than one person, until the point where he makes a big deal about how I'm the only one he's talking to, and spends THAT much time getting to know me on a personal level. That's why I don't usually let it get to that point, but I'm not sure I've ever had someone deliberately deceive me to this extent!!! I feel like if you've casually texted a guy about what you ate for dinner and how many pets you have, and he ends it, or even disappears, it doesn't hurt. Maybe you're slightly disappointed, but that's it. What he was doing is just plain mean!

i know so many people who met their husbands online, and I've met three really good boyfriends online too! I would have definitely married the last one if we'd had similar views for the future, so to me, it's been a good thing. I work in an all-female profession basically, am not in the party scene, and I do go to every event that pops up (college alumni events, friends' house parties, etc). I try to get "out there," but the world isn't exactly aflush with amazing, commitment-ready guys at every turn. I've had some very rewarding experiences with online dating, but sadly, there are always bad apples (and there are definitely bad apples in person, too! I remember feeling so crushed when I met a guy at a party one time who hyped up taking me out on Halloween, only to disappear. Or the guy I met at speed dating who dated me for seven months just to sleep with me, and left right after, calling me a batshit crazy bitch when I just asked for an explanation. Or the guy who I met in choir who flirted with me constantly and then mocked me to my friends). Dating sucks however you do it! Nobody has any respect for anyone's dignity anymore, and a lot of the good members of both genders are at home watching TV, wondering why they can't meet anybody, while the crappy ones are "out there" and visible!

Hahahaha one of my friends says I need to go to a contemporary church to meet young men with character, but I think that is the worst idea! As a sacred musician, l really only like traditional, which tends to be more older people. Just imagine meeting my husband at a contemporary church:

me: honey, we need to switch churches when we get married. I want to hear some organ music!

him: buuuut...huh? I've been going here for years, and am perfectly happy here. 

Me: well, I hate contemporary worship.

him: buuut...we met here!

me: oh, I was only ever here to meet guys!

Yeahhhh, that would make me look really good!

i really appreciate the support, guys. Venting in the middle of the night is sometimes very much needed!

[lookeyloo]

5 hours ago, Christina87 said:

HAHAHAHA!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, and thanks for the support everyone. I am feeling a lot better today! Though I'm still hurt, the sun is shining, and I'm reflecting on the positive...I'm not being harassed on the daily like in my last job. Thanks to the Lord for that!!! People can just be so horrible sometimes. To me, there is SO MUCH DIFFERENCE between casually chatting with multiple people (like, texting them a few times a day about mundane things) and what he was doing. I'd expect a guy I met online to be talking to more than one person, until the point where he makes a big deal about how I'm the only one he's talking to, and spends THAT much time getting to know me on a personal level. That's why I don't usually let it get to that point, but I'm not sure I've ever had someone deliberately deceive me to this extent!!! I feel like if you've casually texted a guy about what you ate for dinner and how many pets you have, and he ends it, or even disappears, it doesn't hurt. Maybe you're slightly disappointed, but that's it. What he was doing is just plain mean!

i know so many people who met their husbands online, and I've met three really good boyfriends online too! I would have definitely married the last one if we'd had similar views for the future, so to me, it's been a good thing. I work in an all-female profession basically, am not in the party scene, and I do go to every event that pops up (college alumni events, friends' house parties, etc). I try to get "out there," but the world isn't exactly aflush with amazing, commitment-ready guys at every turn. I've had some very rewarding experiences with online dating, but sadly, there are always bad apples (and there are definitely bad apples in person, too! I remember feeling so crushed when I met a guy at a party one time who hyped up taking me out on Halloween, only to disappear. Or the guy I met at speed dating who dated me for seven months just to sleep with me, and left right after, calling me a batshit crazy bitch when I just asked for an explanation. Or the guy who I met in choir who flirted with me constantly and then mocked me to my friends). Dating sucks however you do it! Nobody has any respect for anyone's dignity anymore, and a lot of the good members of both genders are at home watching TV, wondering why they can't meet anybody, while the crappy ones are "out there" and visible!

Hahahaha one of my friends says I need to go to a contemporary church to meet young men with character, but I think that is the worst idea! As a sacred musician, l really only like traditional, which tends to be more older people. Just imagine meeting my husband at a contemporary church:

me: honey, we need to switch churches when we get married. I want to hear some organ music!

him: buuuut...huh? I've been going here for years, and am perfectly happy here. 

Me: well, I hate contemporary worship.

him: buuut...we met here!

me: oh, I was only ever here to meet guys!

Yeahhhh, that would make me look really good!

i really appreciate the support, guys. Venting in the middle of the night is sometimes very much needed!

Well, it sucks, really, that guys do that.  I always said after the first Mr. lookeyloo ditched me for his nurse, that you have to kiss a lot of ugly frogs to find the handsome prince.  You are still in kissing ugly frog stage.  The handsome prince is out there.  I found the current Mr. lookeyloo when I wasn't looking.  On paper we are a hundred percent wrong for each other.  We have been married 36 years.  He is only on my last nerve some of the time!

[Sew Sumi]

7 hours ago, Absolom said:

As are a really large percentage of people in assisted living.  They view it as storage until they die and resent it.  I can't say that I blame them in some ways, but hope I keep trying to make the best of things.  She may be depressed and this is her way of coping and she probably is attention seeking.  I see it with several of the residents every time I go see my mother.  She went through a stage like that, but at least for the moment has come out of it.

She still has her own apartment, and the level of actual assistance she needs is fairly low. She's really there because she's a full risk (and uses a walker). She needs to incorporate hobbies into her routine. She's in her head all the time and gas driven just about everyone so he knows away. It's really sad.

Edited November 16, 2018 by Sew Sumi

[Natalie68]

6 hours ago, Christina87 said:

HAHAHAHA!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, and thanks for the support everyone. I am feeling a lot better today! Though I'm still hurt, the sun is shining, and I'm reflecting on the positive...I'm not being harassed on the daily like in my last job. Thanks to the Lord for that!!! People can just be so horrible sometimes. To me, there is SO MUCH DIFFERENCE between casually chatting with multiple people (like, texting them a few times a day about mundane things) and what he was doing. I'd expect a guy I met online to be talking to more than one person, until the point where he makes a big deal about how I'm the only one he's talking to, and spends THAT much time getting to know me on a personal level. That's why I don't usually let it get to that point, but I'm not sure I've ever had someone deliberately deceive me to this extent!!! I feel like if you've casually texted a guy about what you ate for dinner and how many pets you have, and he ends it, or even disappears, it doesn't hurt. Maybe you're slightly disappointed, but that's it. What he was doing is just plain mean!

i know so many people who met their husbands online, and I've met three really good boyfriends online too! I would have definitely married the last one if we'd had similar views for the future, so to me, it's been a good thing. I work in an all-female profession basically, am not in the party scene, and I do go to every event that pops up (college alumni events, friends' house parties, etc). I try to get "out there," but the world isn't exactly aflush with amazing, commitment-ready guys at every turn. I've had some very rewarding experiences with online dating, but sadly, there are always bad apples (and there are definitely bad apples in person, too! I remember feeling so crushed when I met a guy at a party one time who hyped up taking me out on Halloween, only to disappear. Or the guy I met at speed dating who dated me for seven months just to sleep with me, and left right after, calling me a batshit crazy bitch when I just asked for an explanation. Or the guy who I met in choir who flirted with me constantly and then mocked me to my friends). Dating sucks however you do it! Nobody has any respect for anyone's dignity anymore, and a lot of the good members of both genders are at home watching TV, wondering why they can't meet anybody, while the crappy ones are "out there" and visible!

Hahahaha one of my friends says I need to go to a contemporary church to meet young men with character, but I think that is the worst idea! As a sacred musician, l really only like traditional, which tends to be more older people. Just imagine meeting my husband at a contemporary church:

me: honey, we need to switch churches when we get married. I want to hear some organ music!

him: buuuut...huh? I've been going here for years, and am perfectly happy here. 

Me: well, I hate contemporary worship.

him: buuut...we met here!

me: oh, I was only ever here to meet guys!

Yeahhhh, that would make me look really good!

i really appreciate the support, guys. Venting in the middle of the night is sometimes very much needed!

Before I met Mr. Natalie I was also DONE with assholes and wondered if I was ever going to meet a nice guy.  I think I had an asshole signal or something.  I gave up but described in my head what I wanted in a partner from looks to personality (dark hair, blue eyes, full lips, kind, loved animals, and tall).  In that time, I got asked out by a guy I had a huge crush on and also met Mr. Natalie who looked exactly what I described (I was working at an artsy movie theater and he was friends with my coworker, he still teases me about the double take I did when he came in as well as my messy car, gave him a ride home since he lived near me).  Monday night I went out with crush, Tuesday night I went out with Mr. Natalie, Thursday Mr. Natalie and I moved in together.  That was in 1990.  My crush told my friend man, we went out and later that week she is living with someone else!  It happens when you least expect it.  

[crazycatlady58]

10 hours ago, Christina87 said:

HAHAHAHA!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, and thanks for the support everyone. I am feeling a lot better today! Though I'm still hurt, the sun is shining, and I'm reflecting on the positive...I'm not being harassed on the daily like in my last job. Thanks to the Lord for that!!! People can just be so horrible sometimes. To me, there is SO MUCH DIFFERENCE between casually chatting with multiple people (like, texting them a few times a day about mundane things) and what he was doing. I'd expect a guy I met online to be talking to more than one person, until the point where he makes a big deal about how I'm the only one he's talking to, and spends THAT much time getting to know me on a personal level. That's why I don't usually let it get to that point, but I'm not sure I've ever had someone deliberately deceive me to this extent!!! I feel like if you've casually texted a guy about what you ate for dinner and how many pets you have, and he ends it, or even disappears, it doesn't hurt. Maybe you're slightly disappointed, but that's it. What he was doing is just plain mean!

i know so many people who met their husbands online, and I've met three really good boyfriends online too! I would have definitely married the last one if we'd had similar views for the future, so to me, it's been a good thing. I work in an all-female profession basically, am not in the party scene, and I do go to every event that pops up (college alumni events, friends' house parties, etc). I try to get "out there," but the world isn't exactly aflush with amazing, commitment-ready guys at every turn. I've had some very rewarding experiences with online dating, but sadly, there are always bad apples (and there are definitely bad apples in person, too! I remember feeling so crushed when I met a guy at a party one time who hyped up taking me out on Halloween, only to disappear. Or the guy I met at speed dating who dated me for seven months just to sleep with me, and left right after, calling me a batshit crazy bitch when I just asked for an explanation. Or the guy who I met in choir who flirted with me constantly and then mocked me to my friends). Dating sucks however you do it! Nobody has any respect for anyone's dignity anymore, and a lot of the good members of both genders are at home watching TV, wondering why they can't meet anybody, while the crappy ones are "out there" and visible!

Hahahaha one of my friends says I need to go to a contemporary church to meet young men with character, but I think that is the worst idea! As a sacred musician, l really only like traditional, which tends to be more older people. Just imagine meeting my husband at a contemporary church:

me: honey, we need to switch churches when we get married. I want to hear some organ music!

him: buuuut...huh? I've been going here for years, and am perfectly happy here. 

Me: well, I hate contemporary worship.

him: buuut...we met here!

me: oh, I was only ever here to meet guys!

Yeahhhh, that would make me look really good!

i really appreciate the support, guys. Venting in the middle of the night is sometimes very much needed!

That reminds  me when  I was in my 20s people  told me the  best place  to meet men was in a bar .  I would  say true but I don't  drink, hate the smell  of cigarettes  and hate lould  music .  They said that's OK when you meet someone  it won't  matter. I could  just see that I would  meet someone , get to know them then say , guess what! I like you but dislike everything  that you like,want to go to home and read  a book?

[Happyfatchick]

On 11/16/2018 at 7:27 AM, Lisa418722 said:

Online dating stinks.  I was just reading the profile of a guy that would be a good fit for a Duggar, Anna would be perfect for him because he's divorced because his wife "unbiblically abandoned" him. He wants someone  sexually pure and from reading the profile will ONLY talk about God,  Jesus,  and the Bible, but nothing else. I give up.  

Unbiblically abandoned is the BEST!!!  I lol’d!

OMG, I’m happy I don’t have to do the dating scene these days.  I’m old - online daring wasn’t a “thing” I ever had to contend with.  But if it were, I’d be a train wreck.  I’m too sensitive, and don’t like putting myself into situations where I may be hurt.  Plus, I’m not hard wired for putting on a good face (the person I present IS  the person I am).  As a result, I tend to expect that from others.  Don’t fluff me, don’t blow smoke, don’t sugar coat.   Pretty sure I’d behaving full blown panic attacks over being led into letting your guard down, @Christina87.  It’s not fair that a guy has that kind of control.

The bossy friend with the voice of Tony Sopranos mother...is single and occasionally tries online dating.  Recently she “met” a guy who identifies himself as the GM of a company.  He appears to be nice looking.  In their very first  convo, not far in, he says:

Haven’t had sex in 7or8 months.  I will warn u. I’m a real nice guy but a very naughty boy.  Can u keep up?

Yyyyyyyyyep, i’m Old.  In my mind, describing how horns you are before we meet face to face is sort of a wet blanket.  It makes me think of going to pick up a part for my husband once.  (He runs a mechanic shop).  I go in, and there is the most gnarly dude ever behind the counter.  Just nasty.  I tell him I need, and he responds with his best sexy voice, saying “I’ll tell you what you need...”  I’m shocked!  Who DOES that??  How is he in a position to face the public?  Is he the owner?  GUH!  

Eventually, I got the part and in the process of paying, he’s telling me we need to go out sometime, he’s got something for me.  I stood there looking at him for 30 full seconds.  Then said “Does this work for you sometimes?   Has any woman EVER said to you ‘yeah, baby, come on!!’  after that?  Cuz I’ll tell you, it’s pretty gross.  Your technique definitely needs some work”.    I earned a big guffaw from someone who overheard, but I think “technique” threw the counter guy.  He thought I was speaking Mexican.(hee!)

[ginger90]

Just wanted to share:

 

video:

 

Edited November 17, 2018 by ginger90

[louannems]

My 90 year old father in-law was visiting my mother-in-law in the hospital.  She's just had a second stroke.  My father in law is a dirty old man.  While there, a gorgeous young woman from their church arrived with flowers for my mother in-law.  She took both of her hands and prayed a long, Jesusy prayer over my sick mother inlaw.  Then, just before she left, she took my old father in-law's hands in her own and asked him if there was anything she could do for him.

As soon as she left the room, he said that there WAS something she could do for him but he thought he better not say it.  Then he laughed and laughed while my mother in law stared at him with her empty eyes.  He is so gross.

[Christina87]

Awwww @Natalie68 and @lookeyloo I love your stories! That is honestly one thing that really helps me in this "season of life." I love hearing stories of people who were in similar situations, but then found a great guy! Everything was so easy for my parents...they met in college, and never really dated anyone else. My sister is single too, but only dates people they don't approve of, so she's not sweating it. Then, combine that with the fact everyone I know is either married or flat out against marriage, it's hard to find inspirational stories IRL. You ladies have given me a boost to keep me optimistic! ?

@crazycatlady58 PREACH!!! I hate bars too. I also really hate when guys want to "grab a drink" for a date. Even worse, coffee. Coffee shops are not romantic, and I don't really drink coffee much (calories I can do without) and only drink on special occasions. Plus, every actual relationship I've had has started with a guy who was pretty sold on me before we even met, and took me to a really nice dinner, obviously nervous about making a good impression. In my experience, that's how relationships start, and these crappy "screening" dates as a waste of time. I always say no!

@Happyfatchick I sooooo appreciate someone who doesn't have to do online dating who commiserates with how awful it is. A lot of married people judge you for doing online dating, and if it sucks, well, it's your fault for even doing it. Sadly, it's pretty necessary these days if you plan to be in the dating scene. 

So fun story...I was casually chatting with another guy from the site, who seems nice and witty. We haven't shared anything super personal, and if we quit talking, it wouldn't be a huge deal. I can tell he is a decent guy, though, and he hasn't tried to bring up anything sexual at all (thank GOD). Soooo...here's the problem. He sent me a pic of him with some buddies yesterday, and he looks NOTHING like the pics he had on the site!!! He looks TERRIBLE!!! In fact, I saw the pic and thought, "I'm glad he's not that guy" before I realized he WAS!!! Now, it was from a distance, and it was a "funny" picture, so maybe it was just a terrible pic. Still, it's super obvious he's using ollllld pics on the site. This is NOT the difference between using your best pics on the site, and then sending someone a normal one. So what do you guys think? I was planning to go on a date with him, but should I? I am NOT interested if he looks like that! Should I ask for a more flattering current pic before I agree to it? I think I can do it subtly enough not to hurt his feelings. I do think he's a decent guy, and we'd probably have good conversation, but again, why waste the time (and possibly get his hopes up) if there is zero attraction? I think he realizes it, too. I haven't said much since he sent he pic, and he hasn't pushed. That makes me think he's used to this reaction, and everyone is disappointed when they meet him. Well, he needs to post current pics if that's the case!

what do you guys think? What would you do?

[Rabbittron]

Because my boys are going to be at their grandfather's Ranch for the holidays maybe their  father will show up I will be doing Serving the homeless  Christmas dinner at a church on Christmas Day.

[Happyfatchick]

@Christina87 Is he on fb?  IG?  Maybe you can find some other shots of him.  But the fact that he put a “real” pic in your hands makes me think he was firing a warning shot.  I think you’re right to be wary - how awkward might that be when you have to say “you should change your pics, I almost walked right past you”.  And I need you to know that I  know you rolled your eyes when I said FB or IG.  And you thought, “how stupid does she think I am???”  You know... I’m a Grandma.

I got ahold of my Indiana friend’s dating app one night (the one with the voice, yes).  I kept saying, SURELY there’s someone for you to DATE!!!   I went through man after man after man... (I think maybe I was afraid they could “hear” her parrot voice subliminally or something).  SOME OF THOSE GUYS!!!!!  OMG.  We sat there and laughed until we peed!  I’m saying, “REALLY, DUDE?  This is the best you could come up with?”  I do not know what could possibly be processing in the brains of some guys.  One guy had his profile a pic of him with his mom.  He’s wearing all black, slacks and a sweater, with a white turtleneck.  What just popped into your head?   I messaged him, and asked if he was, in fact, a minister.  Another man posted a family pic with his kids, and he’s standing directly in front of a fiber optic lamp with long slightly bent lights looking like they’re coming out the top of his head.  I messaged him too, “Dear Uncle Martin...”  (you’ll have to google it, you’re far too young for that reference).

I’ve deleted them now, but I took a whole string of pics of myself imitating the guys on the dating sites.  The ones that push their glasses way down and peer at the phone screen above them.  There were pics of guys who apparently can’t take a selfie without their mouth open (like a shaving pose, only for pics).  Guys who squint at the camera. Guys who can only manage to capture half their face.  And the pics of guys in front of their motorcycles (or muscle car, tractor trailer, tractor, etc) looking sexy with their thumbs hooked in their pants.  (Oh, GREAT!  And you are the guy who’s gonna answer about watching movies together, walking on the beach, cooking spaghetti together).  Lots of pics in, on, inside trucks.  Trucks are absolutely phallic.  Any truck.  It was good entertainment for a night, but I’m afraid I’d get so frustrated I’d never follow through.

where is @galaxychaser?  Do you have 2 less wisdom teeth?  Are you feeling better?

[Barb23]

I've been watching old movies again. This time I'm stuck on Cape Fear, both the original 1962 movie & the newer 1991/1992 one.  Let me tell you, I now have a thing for Robert Mitchum & Robert De Niro, who each played  the bad guy in the movies. Maybe it's the tough guy image they portrayed so well. Robert Mitchum aged well, as he had a part in the newer movie & was still handsome as ever. 

[Rabbittron]

40 minutes ago, Happyfatchick said:

And  “Dear Uncle Martin...”  (you’ll have to google it, you’re far too young for that reference).

 

where is @galaxychaser

I am only 35 but I know that show.

[latetotheparty]

39 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

I've been watching old movies again. This time I'm stuck on Cape Fear, both the original 1962 movie & the newer 1991/1992 one.  Let me tell you, I now have a thing for Robert Mitchum & Robert De Niro, who each played  the bad guy in the movies. Maybe it's the tough guy image they portrayed so well. Robert Mitchum aged well, as he had a part in the newer movie & was still handsome as ever. 

Since I fell in love with Alan Rickman watching Die Hard I think this is perfectly reasonable. :) Then came Sense and Sensibility and I was lost, I tell you, lost. 

[Christina87]

2 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

@Christina87 Is he on fb?  IG?  Maybe you can find some other shots of him.  But the fact that he put a “real” pic in your hands makes me think he was firing a warning shot.  I think you’re right to be wary - how awkward might that be when you have to say “you should change your pics, I almost walked right past you”.  And I need you to know that I  know you rolled your eyes when I said FB or IG.  And you thought, “how stupid does she think I am???”  You know... I’m a Grandma.

I got ahold of my Indiana friend’s dating app one night (the one with the voice, yes).  I kept saying, SURELY there’s someone for you to DATE!!!   I went through man after man after man... (I think maybe I was afraid they could “hear” her parrot voice subliminally or something).  SOME OF THOSE GUYS!!!!!  OMG.  We sat there and laughed until we peed!  I’m saying, “REALLY, DUDE?  This is the best you could come up with?”  I do not know what could possibly be processing in the brains of some guys.  One guy had his profile a pic of him with his mom.  He’s wearing all black, slacks and a sweater, with a white turtleneck.  What just popped into your head?   I messaged him, and asked if he was, in fact, a minister.  Another man posted a family pic with his kids, and he’s standing directly in front of a fiber optic lamp with long slightly bent lights looking like they’re coming out the top of his head.  I messaged him too, “Dear Uncle Martin...”  (you’ll have to google it, you’re far too young for that reference).

I’ve deleted them now, but I took a whole string of pics of myself imitating the guys on the dating sites.  The ones that push their glasses way down and peer at the phone screen above them.  There were pics of guys who apparently can’t take a selfie without their mouth open (like a shaving pose, only for pics).  Guys who squint at the camera. Guys who can only manage to capture half their face.  And the pics of guys in front of their motorcycles (or muscle car, tractor trailer, tractor, etc) looking sexy with their thumbs hooked in their pants.  (Oh, GREAT!  And you are the guy who’s gonna answer about watching movies together, walking on the beach, cooking spaghetti together).  Lots of pics in, on, inside trucks.  Trucks are absolutely phallic.  Any truck.  It was good entertainment for a night, but I’m afraid I’d get so frustrated I’d never follow through.

where is @galaxychaser?  Do you have 2 less wisdom teeth?  Are you feeling better?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you should really be a comedy writer! I'm serious! This is HYSTERICAL!!! You know what my personal favorite is? The guys who straight up look like serial killers. It's like...you don't even have to smile necessarily, but don't look like you're going to murder me in my sleep! Omg I sooooo wish we had screenshots of all your conversations!!! That would keep me entertained for days. My friend made a fake Tinder recently and pretended to be super godly, like the duggars. She made absolutely everything into a statement about God. She didn't feel bad about it, because she solely talked to the very. It's douchey guys. 

Hahahaha you are not old for mentioning fb!!! I use it all the time! It's the people a few years younger than me that view it as passé lol. That's a good idea! Maybe I can figure out his last name somehow. 

Another funny story...I was on the site looking at my own profile, and it said I could add a couple more pics, so I did. Then I got this angry message from a dude (whose profile said like 37, but he HAD to be fifty!). He had written me but I never answered him because obviously he's lying about his age. Anyway, he was sooooo pissed that I put on pics but didn't respond to him. DELETE. Why would anyone think that was a good strategy? I hate to generalize, but I totally see this as being the dude who slugged off women in his youth, thinking he could play around and then have a family at fifty, only to find out...ooooops! Those young hot things he thought he could get only want rich fifty-year-olds! I try not to stereotype, but that loser just screamed that stereotype! Glad he is blocked. 

[sixlets]

4 hours ago, latetotheparty said:

Since I fell in love with Alan Rickman watching Die Hard I think this is perfectly reasonable. :) Then came Sense and Sensibility and I was lost, I tell you, lost. 

Mr. Six & I were out and about today, and we were working our way home on I95 in Baltimore.  There was a white van in front of us with a sign that read "caution:  crazy clown driving".  Turned out, this was a traveling clown.  We were so hoping he was dressed up, so I maybe went a little too fast to catch up.  As soon as we went by, Mr. Six said he wasn't dressed up, but he was convinced it was Alan Rickman back from the dead.  

Cristina-this is going to sound stalkerish, but since you're the one doing it (as opposed to him), it's totally legit & normal.  You can try to do a reverse image search on Google with the pic he sent.  If he has it on social media, it might pop up for you to get more information about him.  It's the same tactic that people have used to call out Jilly Muffin on her "family" recipes ;) 

[Jynnan tonnix]

4 hours ago, latetotheparty said:

Since I fell in love with Alan Rickman watching Die Hard I think this is perfectly reasonable. :) Then came Sense and Sensibility and I was lost, I tell you, lost. 

Back when we were in high school/college (late 70's/early 80's) my best friend and I developed a mutual "thing" for Robert Mitchum, who was already way past his prime, but still sexy for all that. I've had a real soft spot for him ever since. And yeah....Alan Rickman. *sigh*. I actually fell in love with him in Galaxy Quest, and always found it rather strange, in retrospect, when I realized that I'd actually seen a few of his earlier movies years before, but didn't really react to him until seeing him as an alien. 

[Christina87]

@sixlets it worked!!! I found him on fb! He has the same pics up as his profile pics that he has on the site. It's honestly bizarre. One is dated December 2016, and looks like it could have been taken then. He looked fine there, though. The other two HAVE to be 10+ years old; he looks like a college student! Why would you still be regularly posting pictures that old? And if that picture really was taken in December 2016, what the hell happened in the last two years? Haha! I'm going to try to find a way to get a current pic out of him, because I am soooo curious now lol!

[Catfin]

There are good guys out there, @Christina87, I promise.  I married at 20, divorced at 26, no kids thankfully.  I finished school and proceeded to make up for my missed early twenties.  I met DH when I was 31 and we married two years later.  When we met, we were both sick of relationship drama, people who were “projects” rather than being partners. We both had the reaction of “Finally! Where have you been the past three years?” We are who we are because of what we’ve experienced and where we’ve been.  Continue being your best self. Don’t settle. ❤️❤️

Adding that we just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.  There are days I want to sell him to thy gypsies, but he’s my pooky bear. 

[DangerousMinds]

8 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Awwww @Natalie68 and @lookeyloo I love your stories! That is honestly one thing that really helps me in this "season of life." I love hearing stories of people who were in similar situations, but then found a great guy! Everything was so easy for my parents...they met in college, and never really dated anyone else. My sister is single too, but only dates people they don't approve of, so she's not sweating it. Then, combine that with the fact everyone I know is either married or flat out against marriage, it's hard to find inspirational stories IRL. You ladies have given me a boost to keep me optimistic! ?

@crazycatlady58 PREACH!!! I hate bars too. I also really hate when guys want to "grab a drink" for a date. Even worse, coffee. Coffee shops are not romantic, and I don't really drink coffee much (calories I can do without) and only drink on special occasions. Plus, every actual relationship I've had has started with a guy who was pretty sold on me before we even met, and took me to a really nice dinner, obviously nervous about making a good impression. In my experience, that's how relationships start, and these crappy "screening" dates as a waste of time. I always say no!

@Happyfatchick I sooooo appreciate someone who doesn't have to do online dating who commiserates with how awful it is. A lot of married people judge you for doing online dating, and if it sucks, well, it's your fault for even doing it. Sadly, it's pretty necessary these days if you plan to be in the dating scene. 

So fun story...I was casually chatting with another guy from the site, who seems nice and witty. We haven't shared anything super personal, and if we quit talking, it wouldn't be a huge deal. I can tell he is a decent guy, though, and he hasn't tried to bring up anything sexual at all (thank GOD). Soooo...here's the problem. He sent me a pic of him with some buddies yesterday, and he looks NOTHING like the pics he had on the site!!! He looks TERRIBLE!!! In fact, I saw the pic and thought, "I'm glad he's not that guy" before I realized he WAS!!! Now, it was from a distance, and it was a "funny" picture, so maybe it was just a terrible pic. Still, it's super obvious he's using ollllld pics on the site. This is NOT the difference between using your best pics on the site, and then sending someone a normal one. So what do you guys think? I was planning to go on a date with him, but should I? I am NOT interested if he looks like that! Should I ask for a more flattering current pic before I agree to it? I think I can do it subtly enough not to hurt his feelings. I do think he's a decent guy, and we'd probably have good conversation, but again, why waste the time (and possibly get his hopes up) if there is zero attraction? I think he realizes it, too. I haven't said much since he sent he pic, and he hasn't pushed. That makes me think he's used to this reaction, and everyone is disappointed when they meet him. Well, he needs to post current pics if that's the case!

what do you guys think? What would you do?

I will say I went on a few dates on the mid 90's when online dating was new and profile pictures were not common,  and meeting someone who might be interesting and fun even without knowing exactly what they looked like wasn't that scary.:) you never know. You don't have to see them more than once.

Edited November 18, 2018 by DangerousMinds

[Christina87]

11 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

I will say I went on a few dates on the mid 90's when online dating was new and profile pictures were not common,  and meeting someone who might be interesting and fun even without knowing exactly what they looked like wasn't that scary.:) you never know. You don't have to see them more than once.

That's an interesting perspective that I hadn't thought of! Plus, even if there is no attraction, you can still make a friend. 

[DangerousMinds]

3 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

That's an interesting perspective that I hadn't thought of! Plus, even if there is no attraction, you can still make a friend. 

Sometimes just looking at a picture doesn't tell you if you'll have actual chemistry with someone. Even when people were set up on "blind dates" by friends (I assume this is still done?), verbal descriptions were usually all that were given before the dates. You deal with it.

[Christina87]

51 minutes ago, Catfin said:

There are good guys out there, @Christina87, I promise.  I married at 20, divorced at 26, no kids thankfully.  I finished school and proceeded to make up for my missed early twenties.  I met DH when I was 31 and we married two years later.  When we met, we were both sick of relationship drama, people who were “projects” rather than being partners. We both had the reaction of “Finally! Where have you been the past three years?” We are who we are because of what we’ve experienced and where we’ve been.  Continue being your best self. Don’t settle. ❤️❤️

Adding that we just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.  There are days I want to sell him to thy gypsies, but he’s my pooky bear. 

I LOVVVEEEE this story!!! Thanks so much for sharing. That gives me so much hope! Since I just turned 31, maybe this is my year. ? So many people say, "oh, I waited til 22 to meet my husband!" and I appreciate the sympathy but...lol. I really liked what you said about not settling. That has been on my mind more and more lately. My dad is the BEST, and I used to always think, "well, some guys are not as nice as him, and that's to be expected, because everyone has a different personality," and now I'm...like...horrified I ever thought that. I may not find someone who can provide all that my dad does, or has as nice of an extended family, or is as good at basketball...but I'll be damned if I don't expect for kindness and integrity to be non-negotiables! I feel like I have personally grown a lot in the last few years, and gotten a lot more confident. I used to be kind of a doormat, but teaching middle school is a great way to leave that tendency in the dust! All of my friends have commented on my personal growth too, saying that they've seen a huge (positive) change, even since I met my last ex. Even though this foray into dating has begun abysmally horribly, I feel optimistic that it will go better! I used to waste so much time on losers, and spend so much time broken up inside about losers...and at my very worst, I'd try to make the next guy feel sorry for me. If it had been five years ago, I'd probably be mad at this guy for like a month, all while dating others and being an emotional mess! I felt so horrible two nights ago, and now, I've already just pegged the guy for a disappointing jerk and moved on! I avoided obvious "bad boys" back in the day, but it was confusing to me that a sophisticated investment banker could be a "bad boy" deep down. I still only got into relationships with good people after my first disastrous boyfriend, buuut I wasted so much time waiting for these users to prove themselves that I'd spend most of my time upset because they showed their true colors. I'd think, "the investment banker will make time for me once I know him better...he's not a crazy partier, after all! He's obviously responsible in his career," and then be shocked when he ghosted me, and spent sooooo much time ruminating over it. That obviously led to not valuing myself enough, and going into every meeting with lower self-esteem than I should have had. Now it's like...one strike and you're out! At a certain point, you have seen every type of asshole, and can sniff them from a mile away. Even if you get tricked occasionally by a really good player, like I did, it's not hard to reconcile in your mind that they're a jerk, and quickly write them off. Maybe it's a good thing I've waited, because I feel like I have higher standards now, and will find someone so much better!

Edited November 18, 2018 by Christina87

[lookeyloo]

8 hours ago, Christina87 said:

That's an interesting perspective that I hadn't thought of! Plus, even if there is no attraction, you can still make a friend. 

You just gave yourself some great advice! And real chemistry happens when you have a connection. And chemistry doesn’t have to mean sex. You can make some nice friends and that will also broaden your horizons.  Be nice to everyone - especially yourself!  Doesn’t mean you have to pursue a relationship with them all.  Remember - you have to kiss a lot of ugly frogs so go find them and a handsome prince could be hiding along the way. Don’t put all your hopes into one or two fellows who can type out anything you want to hear. It has to eventually be in person. Guys can be brave behind a keyboard. I met Mr lookeyloo 3 years after my divorce When I was finally content with my life. I wasn’t looking just then.  A friend sort of pressured me to go out with him. remember - on paper we are a hundred percent wrong for each other. First date he was nice. Zero chemistry. Made a friend.  Then later the chemistry appeared. Chemistry alone doesn’t hack it. Had powerful chemistry with first husband. Didn’t make a marriage last. On paper we were a hundred percent right for each other. I guess I’m saying give chemistry at least a chance. Sometimes you’ll know right away it’s a no go but sometimes there is potential. Carry on and report back!!

[Catfin]

10 hours ago, Christina87 said:

 Now it's like...one strike and you're out! At a certain point, you have seen every type of asshole, and can sniff them from a mile away. Even if you get tricked occasionally by a really good player, like I did, it's not hard to reconcile in your mind that they're a jerk, and quickly write them off. Maybe it's a good thing I've waited, because I feel like I have higher standards now, and will find someone so much better!

❤️❤️❤️ I wasted two years on a guy there was amazing chemistry with.  Sex was great and I let that blind me to the constant drama that surrounded him.  The final straw was when he asked me to co-sign a car loan. Uh, buddy, you make twice what I do and rent. He should have had money coming out of every oriface.  It was that zolt of insight that caused me to end it. I didn’t trust him from a financial perspective and he’s proven himself to have zero integrity in all other areas of the relationship.  I am in the same industry as his sister and hear of him from time to time. He’s job hopped, had three DWIs, had his house foreclosed on and now, divorced with no access to his child. Bullet dodged. 

If someone SHOWS you who they are, believe them. 

[Mindthinkr]

18 hours ago, Christina87 said:

what do you guys think? What would you do?

My friend (who is 73) was asked to go on a date with a guy she had known in the neighborhood for a decade. She strongly disliked his looks and wasn’t going to accept. I gave her the standard answer of “Go, what if you meet a friend or at least someone to go do stuff with”. So against her initial judgement, she went. She laughingly describes him as Shrek. They went out to eat and he had some charm, was a good conversationalist and treated her like a queen. Opening the doors (car both getting in and getting out, restaurant) and always making sure that she had everything that she wanted. Needless to say he has grown on her. She still kids about his looks but she continues to date him. After a bit they took it to the next level (use your imagination as in sexy thoughts) and she has found him to be so compassionate and always wants her to be satisfied and comfortable. Now if she had blown him off because of his looks she might never have found someone to be happy with. They are active and go out to do things (lots of free things and some that cost) about 3-5 times a week. I have to say that his caring for her has had a positive effect on her. She’s no longer biting her nails! She’s keeping up with her hair and outfits and looks 10 years younger. Well, I guess my point is that you can’t always judge a book by its cover (cliche...sorry). I’ve known many great looking guys and they know it, so they treat their ladies like crap. Average looking men (or some on the lower scale of looks) treat their women like princesses as they are grateful to have a woman to care for. Best of luck with whatever you decide. You are still young, so be positive. Positive begets positive. 

[Christina87]

You guys have all had some great advice!!! I did a little more digging and found his Instagram, and from what I can tell, he generally looks a little worse than his pics on the site, but the one he sent me was in a category of its own! I don't know why you would send the absolute worst picture you've ever taken to someone you're trying to impress, but I think he's decent otherwise! I'm not even one who puts a ton of stock into looks...in fact, in my insecure days, I used to actively seek out ugly guys, because I thought they would feel lucky and never leave! Spoiler alert...that doesn't work! In fact, ugly guys with a bad personality tend to take a perverse pleasure in using and/or cruelly dumping someone, because it shows they can be like their alpha buddies. I like what @lookeyloo said about meeting her husband...reminded me of my last boyfriend! Come to think of it, I really thought of him as a friend for a few months! We went out, and I couldn't believe I'd just had FUN on a date! I didn't feel immediately attracted (he did, but was a slow mover anyway), and it took hanging out for a few months to really think of him that way. I actually thought he was TOO attractive for me, and that was part of the reason I didn't take him seriously! We went on a weekend trip together, and that's when I really fell for him. You see so much about someone's character on a trip that you can't see otherwise!

So I don't have a super high standard for looks anyway, and I definitely don't care if they're a little overweight, but mannnn, that picture did not meet the standard in any way! ??? Plus I find it kind of deceptive...like...what else are they hiding? You always hear that women are afraid to be murdered on first dates, and men are scared the woman will be fat. When a woman puts up misleading photos, it's a big deal, but I guess less men do it, so there's not really a stigma for them. Also, I feel like anyone dating online should expect their date to look a little worse in person, because most people put their best (current, realistic) pictures up. But, I think I will go out with him, because I really think he seems like a good guy. He's funny, seems sweet, and obviously intelligent from the way he talks. Haha this whole dating thing is craaaaaazy!!! I'm really glad to have you guys to talk to, with all your different experiences in life!

[Marshmallow Mollie]

Hey @bigskygirl we haven’t seen your face around here recently, how are you?

[Scarlett45]

19 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Coffee shops are not romantic, and I don't really drink coffee much (calories I can do without) and only drink on special occasions. Plus, every actual relationship I've had has started with a guy who was pretty sold on me before we even met, and took me to a really nice dinner, obviously nervous about making a good impression. In my experience, that's how relationships start, and these crappy "screening" dates as a waste of time. I always say no!

See I like dates at coffee shops! Low cost, so I don’t feel bad for asking a guy to spend a great deal of money if I’m a dud, a chance to actually talk, low pressure AND if you’re feeling it the date can keep extending to other activities.

 

I also like BRUNCH dates for this purpose. 

 

I admit I do really like coffee so that’s probably making me bias. Coffee is only 5 calories a cup- do you not like the taste? Does it affect your migraines?

Edited November 18, 2018 by Scarlett45

[Scarlett45]

22 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

So I don't have a super high standard for looks anyway, and I definitely don't care if they're a little overweight, but mannnn, that picture did not meet the standard in any way! ??? Plus I find it kind of deceptive...like...what else are they hiding? You always hear that women are afraid to be murdered on first dates, and men are scared the woman will be fat. When a woman puts up misleading photos, it's a big deal, but I guess less men do it, so there's not really a stigma for them. Also, I feel like anyone dating online should expect their date to look a little worse in person, because most people put their best (current, realistic) pictures up.

I went on a date once with a guy I met online (this was several years ago) and he only had two pictures on his profile but fine. I make sure that I have full body shots, makeup/no makeup shots etc so that EVERYONE knows what they are getting. @Christina87, the photos he used of himself were AT LEAST 100lbs lighter. It was him, but geez! I didn’t even recognize him when I was sitting at the restaurant! We didn’t vibe so no hard feelings but golly, did he think women wouldn’t notice? If a woman did that she would be racked over the coals. 

[Barb23]

I'll throw in my two cents.  My sister & her first husband were married the same time as another couple in our group of friends.  Even tho my sister & husband seemed like a great couple that would be together forever, they divorced after four years. The other couple who we thought wouldn't last a year (big age difference,  she was older & he was young & immature) lasted over 20 years together,  but they finally did get divorced.  So you never know. BTW, my sister met her second husband at a baseball game. He was sitting in front of her and her friend & they struck up a conversation and the rest is history.  

@sixlets Do you live in the Baltimore area?  I live south of Baltimore,  right near BWI airport.

[Mindthinkr]

13 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

So you never know. BTW, my sister met her second husband at a baseball game. He was sitting in front of her and her friend & they struck up a conversation and the rest is history.  

That’s why my mother always stressed taking care in ones appearance. You never know. Similar to the one she used to tell me about always wearing clean underwear lol. 

[sixlets]

4 hours ago, Barb23 said:

I'll throw in my two cents.  My sister & her first husband were married the same time as another couple in our group of friends.  Even tho my sister & husband seemed like a great couple that would be together forever, they divorced after four years. The other couple who we thought wouldn't last a year (big age difference,  she was older & he was young & immature) lasted over 20 years together,  but they finally did get divorced.  So you never know. BTW, my sister met her second husband at a baseball game. He was sitting in front of her and her friend & they struck up a conversation and the rest is history.  

@sixlets Do you live in the Baltimore area?  I live south of Baltimore,  right near BWI airport.

I do.  We're on the northeast side of the Beltway in the county but less than 2 miles from the city line.  Mr. Six works less than 10 minutes from BWI.  It's a small world!  Happy Sunday neighbor!

[Rabbittron]

Do you know what I wish we had when counting on comes back it would be nice if we had live chat like you do on 90 Day Fiance.

[Talky Tina]

7 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

My friend (who is 73) was asked to go on a date with a guy she had known in the neighborhood for a decade. She strongly disliked his looks and wasn’t going to accept. I gave her the standard answer of “Go, what if you meet a friend or at least someone to go do stuff with”. So against her initial judgement, she went. She laughingly describes him as Shrek. They went out to eat and he had some charm, was a good conversationalist and treated her like a queen. Opening the doors (car both getting in and getting out, restaurant) and always making sure that she had everything that she wanted. Needless to say he has grown on her. She still kids about his looks but she continues to date him. After a bit they took it to the next level (use your imagination as in sexy thoughts) and she has found him to be so compassionate and always wants her to be satisfied and comfortable. Now if she had blown him off because of his looks she might never have found someone to be happy with. They are active and go out to do things (lots of free things and some that cost) about 3-5 times a week. I have to say that his caring for her has had a positive effect on her. She’s no longer biting her nails! She’s keeping up with her hair and outfits and looks 10 years younger. Well, I guess my point is that you can’t always judge a book by its cover (cliche...sorry). I’ve known many great looking guys and they know it, so they treat their ladies like crap. Average looking men (or some on the lower scale of looks) treat their women like princesses as they are grateful to have a woman to care for. Best of luck with whatever you decide. You are still young, so be positive. Positive begets positive. 

Sorry for butting into the conversation.  I think it's so damn sad that a nice guy is overlooked simply because he isn't attractive in some pictures.  Who cares what a guy looks like on the outside?   None of that matters.  If a guy is nice, caring, compassionate and has a good sense of humor, I couldn't care less what he looks like.   Looks can fade and go away but a guy who's attractive on the inside is the real prize. 

It's sad that a nice guy is shunned because he doesn't look good enough.  

[Happyfatchick]

Then there’s the other side of that whole “attractive” thing.  My husband was trim and neat with his appearance always, when I met him.  Ran, worked out.  Was still fully embracing his youth.   Ate pretty healthy.   I’ll describe him now.  Meat and potatoes, totally snubs his nose at anything green.  Anything.  (Picks the lettuce off a taco, seriously).  Bald as an onion.  Gutsy (and I don’t mean feisty).  We’ve almost come to blows over his clothes - if a T-shirt only has 10 holes, it’s a perfectly good clothing choice.   Filled with inertia - he would happily pay to have the toilet paper roll changed out.  He’s incredibly lazy, although a very good provider.  I guess he’s earned his way to his perks and enjoys them.  My appearance has obviously changed over time as well. 

And guess what?  I adore this goofy dude.  We definitely have our moments; if you searched the world over, you’ll never find 2 people more unsuited for each other.  But somehow it works for us.  

My point being, it mattered to me, the physical attraction.   I loved him at his best and now I’m loving him at his not-so-best.  We have that squishy, comfortable old-people love that’s more abiding, more secure, more forgiving than our younger lives.  I think we all probably have a bar that has to be passed.  I’m not completely shallow.  I’m certainly not saying a decision whether to know someone better should hinge on a picture.   Go meet him in person.  Good vibes?  Go meet him one more time.  Not good vibes?   Bye, Felicia!

FWIW, in spite of the Felicia thing, I wholeheartedly agree with @lookeyloo that not to meet him based on a pic would be not cool - at the very least, you might be missing an opportunity to discover a new friend, and who has too many of those??  Keep an open mind @Christina87, but don’t lower your bar.

[DangerousMinds]

1 hour ago, Talky Tina said:

Sorry for butting into the conversation.  I think it's so damn sad that a nice guy is overlooked simply because he isn't attractive in some pictures.  Who cares what a guy looks like on the outside?   None of that matters.  If a guy is nice, caring, compassionate and has a good sense of humor, I couldn't care less what he looks like.   Looks can fade and go away but a guy who's attractive on the inside is the real prize. 

It's sad that a nice guy is shunned because he doesn't look good enough.  

The same goes for women.

[EVS]

Quote

Add Michael Jordan to the bad tippers list. My friend waited on him. Gave him a private area. Opened the kitchen to cook shrimp for him and his friends. Allowed him to smoke cigars. Numerous trips to get drinks for his crowd. The bill was 3k. The tip was $50. She said she would have made more if she had more tables than spending all her time to wait on him. In my area when people see him coming they fight over who gets to serve him, as he’s a notorious bad tipper. 

This doesn’t surprise me. College son played aau basketball in jr high and h.s.  One of his coaches knew MJ. The word he used to describe him was “prick”. 

Don’t even get me started on No-Tippin’ Pippen.  

We did meet some really nice N.B.A. players though. 

[CherryMalotte]

Sew Sumi I feel your pain.  It is incredibly difficult to be around people like your MIL - they suck the life essence right out of you.  I'm basically celebrating now because I don't have to see my male parent for a couple of weeks.  

I got my X-mas present for this year already - my husband had himself a little trip to the cardiac ICU, there they found a 99% blockage on the left side of the heart.  He is now Mr Stent.  The doctor said to me afterward that Mr Malotte is one lucky guy, if they'd done the treadmill test like they had initially wanted he would have had a heart attack, and it wouldn't be one you walk away from.  Needless to say I was stunned and upset, but am now so grateful he went to the ER after we nagged him.  Chest pain should always equal an immediate ER trip, that's for sure.   

[Barb23]

@CherryMalotte, Wow, so glad they caught your husband's heart problem in time. That is a scary story. You are so right about going to the ER for any type of chest pain or problem.

 

6 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

Do you know what I wish we had when counting on comes back it would be nice if we had live chat like you do on 90 Day Fiance.

I liked doing the Live Chat on the My600 lb life show

[Christina87]

6 hours ago, Talky Tina said:

Sorry for butting into the conversation.  I think it's so damn sad that a nice guy is overlooked simply because he isn't attractive in some pictures.  Who cares what a guy looks like on the outside?   None of that matters.  If a guy is nice, caring, compassionate and has a good sense of humor, I couldn't care less what he looks like.   Looks can fade and go away but a guy who's attractive on the inside is the real prize. 

It's sad that a nice guy is shunned because he doesn't look good enough.  

See, I agree that what's on the inside matters more, buuuut a guy who misrepresents himself big time is lying. The guy in question has pictures that are at least ten years old! Men constantly stress that women have to look exactly like their profile pictures, and all online dating advice articles say to not use pictures over a year old. If a woman posted a picture of herself at 125 pounds, in college, but she is 30 now and weighs 200, would it be shallow for a guy to pass her over? Or would he be upset that she misrepresented herself, and now he just wasted an evening? What about a guy who wears a suit and tie in his profile pictures, but comes to the date in dirty, ripped clothing, smelling like a sewer?  What about someone who lies about having children? What about someone who says they're 35, but they're really 50? What if they all volunteer at the homeless shelter? Does that mean their duped dates have to give them a chance? Or should they move onto someone who likes them for who they really are?

What if I was talking to a guy i met online, and I sent him a picture of me holding a baby? No explanation or anything. If he'd liked my profile, which didn't indicate I had kids...but now the possibility that I was a single mom suddenly existed, would he be shallow to want to uncover the truth? Would it be fair if a friend said, "dude...you're considering not giving her a chance because she once posed for a picture with a baby?" We all know it's more complicated than that! First of all, he has to figure out IF she is a single parent, and if she is, he has to face the fact she lied. Maybe he has never, ever wanted children, and this changes the ballgame. Maybe the child is her niece, and she's the potential love of his life! Just saying, receiving a picture that is markedly different from what you've seen before makes you pause, and wanting to investigate is normal. But I have investigated, and I'm giving him a chance! I still stand by my statement that if you look 500 times worse in one picture than absolutely any other, you should not send it to someone you hope to impress.

The thing is, we all have certain things we find repulsive. They vary from person to person. I have dated some very, very unattractive men in my time, some whom I have been massively wild about! My friends used to ask me how I could even get close to one of my exes, because they thought he was too fat. A few extra pounds doesn't matter to me, though! However, I met him online, and he did look like his pictures. He didn't try to actively deceive me! If he'd put up pictures of himself from ten years before, I wouldn't have liked him, and he'd have been going out with hot college girls who are grossed out by him because of his deceit, wasting everybody's time. If you show up on a date and are repulsed by the other person, it really isn't fun. Then you have to hurt them AFTER they have gotten to know you, and actually like you, instead of slightly disappointing them beforehand by not going on a date in the first place. Everyone has a threshold for looks, and everyone's threshold is different. I don't require Abercrombie models; I've dated unattractive guys, but they were unattractive with qualities I didn't mind, and I knew that going in, from seeing honest pictures. Other people would have been repulsed by them, and it's okay. Some people would be repulsed by me, and that's okay!

bottom line, I was fifty pounds thinner two years ago, and I would love to see the positive reaction I'd get if I put up these pictures! I'd never do that though, because it would be dishonest. If a guy thought I still looked like that, but saw my current picture and declined to go out with me, I wouldn't be insulted. I have great qualities on the inside, but instead of sulking because Mr. Abercrombie Model doesn't see that, I'd much rather move on to someone who not only isn't repulsed by my current self, but is wildly attracted to it! Plus, research even says that a large attractiveness gap leads to cheating even on the part of the LESS attractive partner, because they feel insecure and like they can't live up! Just because people won't give every single person on earth a chance, it doesn't make them bad people. Honestly, I care about intelligence, kindness, integrity, humor, values, future plans, motivation, tastes, etc all more than I care about looks, but we all have a minimum threshold; it's just life!

Edited November 19, 2018 by Christina87