Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[CherryMalotte]

I'm over the moon that our Maisie girl is at home!  Yippee!  It's got to be a relief to be in your own home at last with her, can't even imagine after the road you've been on with her so far.

 

And now, the next road opens up!  I can't offer any sage advice, but I will say that reading to your child, and even singing along to the radio works wonders.  We burned thru the vhs of Schoolhouse Rock, and when they became available, the dvds.  And Richard Scarry - no childhood should be lived without Richard Scarry - long live Busytown!  

Edited May 8, 2015 by CherryMalotte

[Seashell Lover]

It's supposed to snow here on Mother's Day...do you think Maisie would like snow? :-(

Jellybeans you must live in the same area that I do .

[Jellybeans]

Jellybeans you must live in the same area that I do .

Did you get all that hail yesterday??? Oh gosh...

[Seashell Lover]

I had to shovel the hail.

[Wellfleet]

Oddly enough, no. People do not know how to talk to bereaved parents...and I am divorced. Do not know if her dad has the same experience. It is ok to make parents cry when sharing memories.

I talk more about her here than I do in real life because no one wants me to talk about her.

But I am about to bury her next month and one of her friends contacted all her school friends and they are coming to her gravesite service. I am sure they will share memories, if not I will ask them too. I have known them since first grade. I have many photos of them which will probably surprise them. I have not seen them since they were little.

Thanks for the hugs. It is an unsettling time for me.

 

Jellybeans, I feel so badly for you in all this. I think you're right overall - people don't know what to say to grieving parents. In fear of saying the wrong thing, in fear of hurting someone by bringing up painful memories, they choose to say nothing at all. Maybe you've already done this, but if not, I'd suggest that you let your friends know that you want to talk about your daughter. That you need to share your memories and stories, and want to hear others' as well. I've never been married and don't have kids, so I remained closer to my parents. I didn't have the distraction of my own family to separate me and my parents all that much. When my parents passed away in the late 90s, within 16 months of each other, it was difficult for me. But I've never stopped bringing up memories and stories aloud with sibs, other family members, even some of my parents' friends. They say people are not really dead as long as they live on in our hearts, and I absolutely believe this. I know continuing to speak about my parents with people who knew them, and even at times with people who didn't has helped me immensely. So anyway you have to, keep sharing your memories. And God bless...

Edited May 8, 2015 by Wellfleet

[Zahdii]

Regarding Michelle telling her kids that her marriage comes first and the kids come second:

 

What must it be like to be a Duggar kid and to have it drummed into you that both of your parents would save each other instead of their kids?  It's bad enough to wonder which kids they'd save if they were sure the other weren't in danger.

 

My father once told me that if we were on a boat and it sank, he'd swim past me to make sure that he could save my step mother.  He also used some kind of Bible reference to justify his statement.  They weren't even remotely fundy, only regular churchgoers who had no problem ignoring the church when it conflicted with other plans.  My step siblings and half sibs were smiling and saying "no problem, we've all had swimming lessons, we'll be fine."

[GEML]

I'll go out on a limb and say I don't think it's categorically wrong to put a marriage first. There are just more tactful ways to handle that than going around and announcing it.

[Seashell Lover]

I live in Colorado so I understand about altitud

I am now getting flooded out my streets in my devolopement are closed because of flooding.

[NikSac]

Oddly enough, no. People do not know how to talk to bereaved parents...and I am divorced. Do not know if her dad has the same experience. It is ok to make parents cry when sharing memories.

I talk more about her here than I do in real life because no one wants me to talk about her.

But I am about to bury her next month and one of her friends contacted all her school friends and they are coming to her gravesite service. I am sure they will share memories, if not I will ask them too. I have known them since first grade. I have many photos of them which will probably surprise them. I have not seen them since they were little.

Thanks for the hugs. It is an unsettling time for me.

 

Oh Jellybeans I did not realize this was so recent. I am really, really sorry. Cyber-hugs to you.  I would definitely ask people to share memories - you might even ask them in advance so they can think about what they want to say. Not that you should have to do this extra work, but maybe the one friend who got in touch with the others can help by doing this for you?  Just a simple "please bring your favorite memories to share."  I have been to a number of funerals/memorials where people didn't really share memories until the first person got things going after the official service was over.

[BitterApple]

I'll go out on a limb and say I don't think it's categorically wrong to put a marriage first. There are just more tactful ways to handle that than going around and announcing it.

I think if the comment came from anyone else no one would take issue. With Michelle there's just that undercurrent of total self-absorption. I think you need a healthy balance in life but with Michelle it's all about her, all the time.

[Love2dance]

I am so sorry for your loss, Jellybeans. There are no words...but may your memories comfort you.

[bk10]

I didn't know where to post this since it has nothing to do with the Duggars other than that this is a big family that's popping out baby after baby and homeschools.
Some posted this link on my facebook newsfeed http://www.infowars.com/police-seize-10-children-from-off-grid-homeschool-family/and the title made it seem like the police took away 10 kids from a family just because they homeschool and live an off-grid life. That seemed too crazy to be true, so I looked it up myself for more sources.

I found this link that pointed out holes in the story http://kathrynbrightbill.com/post/118481565656/here-are-7-surprising-things-you-need-to-know

And then I found the family's Facebook page which has pictures of their living conditions and it's insane!
https://www.facebook.com/MyBlessedLittleHomestead/photos/pb.470011369677412.-2207520000.1431155972./1005297592815451/?type=1&theaterThis is the house they live in. This is Kentucky, where it gets cold and snows.
The kids look dirty in every picture she posts, but they do look happy and healthy. They look like the are well fed and don't look abused. I think the living conditions, which are dirty and seem hazardous, are what made the police take the children away.

 

Also, considering they live all in one room, how is the mother pregnant again? Where and when do they have sex while sharing a room with 10 kids and a bunch of animals?

[BitterApple]

What a bizarre family, I don't know what to make of it. I looked through their posts and while the children look dirty they're not starving. I also noticed their animals looked clean and well fed. I do think their living conditions are deplorable though. The house doesn't even have four walls or insulation and those kids must get eaten alive by bugs in the summer. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Edited May 9, 2015 by BitterApple

[lookeyloo]

They live off the grid with a Facebook page? Do they run to the library to use the computer or run it by generator? Kids are cute

Edited May 9, 2015 by lookeyloo

[Bella]

It looked to me like there was a more substantial structure behind the fence, but I didn't study it.

 

If any of you watch the hoarder shows - and one of them, Hoarders on Lifetime, is coming back on May 28 - you'll see that there are hoarder homes in which CPS does get involved and remove children because the environment is dangerous. The danger can come from the physical environment, vermin, sanitation issues, food storage issues, etc. If the kids are in danger of physical harm, in other words, they can be removed. In fact, a lot of the Hoarders interventions are with hoarders who have been threatened with having their children removed from the home and are therefore desperate for help.

 

So it doesn't surprise me that even children who appear to be well fed and happy can be removed from that Kentucky home. They may be in danger from hazards that haven't been identified to us or that aren't apparent in the photos.

[JoanArc]

What a terribly abusive/neglectful family. I wonder what those parents are running from, in life.

 

Edit: They have a child named Mosiah. Very Duggar appropriate.

Edited May 9, 2015 by JoanArc

[Jellybeans]

I am now getting flooded out my streets in my devolopement are closed because of flooding.

  

Oh no! That is awful. We are waiting for what....round four? I am not too far from downtown. Are you in the Springs?

Oh Jellybeans I did not realize this was so recent. I am really, really sorry. Cyber-hugs to you.  I would definitely ask people to share memories - you might even ask them in advance so they can think about what they want to say. Not that you should have to do this extra work, but maybe the one friend who got in touch with the others can help by doing this for you?  Just a simple "please bring your favorite memories to share."  I have been to a number of funerals/memorials where people didn't really share memories until the first person got things going after the official service was over.

It may sound strange but she died six years ago in another state. She was cremated and we had a wake. Virtually everyone in my family has died, and it all happened in a very short time.

My son and I decided to put her cremated remains in the ground... I have kept in touch with a couple of her high school friends and they are taking care of locating her school friends. We are doing her graveside service...which will be harder on me than her first. At least I will have a place to go visit her as my son had her...he could not part with her.

My friends went "poof" but per Compassionate Friends, that is normal. One has to make new friends. My boyfriend has never met my daughter but he listens...and my son has his own struggles so...I have to be careful not to hurt his heart.

Thanks for letting me talk.

[Bella]

I'm so sorry, Jellybeans. That whole situation is awful.

 

 

My friends went "poof" but per Compassionate Friends, that is normal. One has to make new friends.

 

This is salt on the wound, but I've seen it happen a lot. My mother's best friend since childhood disappeared when Mom and Dad each had cancer within a year of each other. "I can't handle illness" is not an excuse. You can bring a meal over, watch a movie together, offer to walk the dog, etc., etc. No one's asking you to change a dressing or clean up vomit.

 

Btw, these Empathy Cards are absolutely brilliant. A cancer survivor designed them to say what she wished people had said to her. I just love them (and hope I don't ever need to send any).

[Jellybeans]

I'm so sorry, Jellybeans. That whole situation is awful.

 

 

This is salt on the wound, but I've seen it happen a lot. My mother's best friend since childhood disappeared when Mom and Dad each had cancer within a year of each other. "I can't handle illness" is not an excuse. You can bring a meal over, watch a movie together, offer to walk the dog, etc., etc. No one's asking you to change a dressing or clean up vomit.

 

Btw, these Empathy Cards are absolutely brilliant. A cancer survivor designed them to say what she wished people had said to her. I just love them (and hope I don't ever need to send any).

OMG, I love those cards! I bookmarked them, they are perfect. And yeah if I hear she's in a better place one more time or God needed another angel (can't he make his own) I will ask someone to clean up my vomit. :p

I was alone, as in physically alone in my home for the first month after my daughter died. I thought I had gone to hell. Enough of this, tomorrow is a special day for our mothers so I wish to say Happy Mother's Day to all! I know...I share a sad story, switch on a dime but I am sincere.

Happy Mother's Day! Tomorrow I am going out with my two guys to a guy's type place (no moms, LOL) and have a beer. :-) That is, if we're not aboard the Ark. It has been raining/hailing for four days now.

[Marigold]

Jelly Beans,

Deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. 

 

Many times I don't know what to say to a mother who has lost a child so I just say "I'm so so sorry."

 

Life is really brutal sometimes. Post anytime you want about your daughter if that feels good to you.  I'd love to read anything you write. 

[JenCarroll]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/09/jefferson-davis-statue_n_7248132.html

 

J'Chelle and Boob wanted to name Jubilee this.

Taken from Jim Bob and Michelle thread.

Years ago my husband worked for a Savings and Loan headquartered in NJ that took over another bank with some branches in Northern Florida (the part of FL that is actually in the south, as opposed to South Florida which is basically NJ in the Tropics). They had to bring the schedules of all the branches in line, so they'd be closed on the same days and all employees in both states would get the same holidays off. Simple, right? Well, in this case, it meant that the Florida employees had to give up their annual holiday on Jefferson Davis' birthday -- in favor of Martin Luther King day. God, the irony. The Floridians were OUTRAGED. The NJ staff, by and large, thought it was hilarious.

Just had to share that, once Jefferson Davis was mentioned.

[Wellfleet]

Taken from Jim Bob and Michelle thread.

Years ago my husband worked for a Savings and Loan headquartered in NJ that took over another bank with some branches in Northern Florida (the part of FL that is actually in the south, as opposed to South Florida which is basically NJ in the Tropics). They had to bring the schedules of all the branches in line, so they'd be closed on the same days and all employees in both states would get the same holidays off. Simple, right? Well, in this case, it meant that the Florida employees had to give up their annual holiday on Jefferson Davis' birthday -- in favor of Martin Luther King day. God, the irony. The Floridians were OUTRAGED. The NJ staff, by and large, thought it was hilarious.

Just had to share that, once Jefferson Davis was mentioned.

 

That is quite hilarious. I would love to have been a fly on the breakroom wall the day that little tidbit was announced.

[Jenniferbug]

JenCarroll, that is hilarious to me :-)

Jellybeans, I second everything Marigold said above. Please share whatever and whenever you feel the need. Hugs.

[JenCarroll]

Jellybeans, I second everything Marigold said above. Please share whatever and whenever you feel the need. Hugs.

Me too.

[Seashell Lover]

Oh no! That is awful. We are waiting for what....round four? I am not too far from downtown. Are you in the Springs?

Today, the Springs tomorrow Broomfield.

[Catlyn]

Jelly Beans, so sorry for your loss, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, it's still felt. Go ahead and talk.

 

Yesterday, I was thinking of poor Jilly when my sister was telling her birth stories for her sons. Jilly suffered through 70 hours (give or take) of labor. My sister was also over due and was large. While her baby was large (8.9) most of it was fluid. Her doctor had put her in the hospital, on bed rest, and only gave her beef broth and juices and she still gained weight. He claimed she was sneaking food in. Finally, they sent her home. She had to be induced, and the doctor said, you'll be a while, I'll be back.  He was back alright, from her first contraction to birth it was about 30 min. They gave her an epidural, but by the time it went into effect, she had already delivered. Her body was really protecting her baby as she lost almost 40 pounds in water. She went from 170 to 135.

 

Her next birth was almost the same, but no epidural and it was only 20 mins. She was told if she ever gave birth again, she was to be no further than 10 mins. from a hospital.

 

Can you imagine if Jilly had her as a patient?  Then had her labor?  My sister also had a fast recovery. Doctors didn't know what to think (but they were in the army and weren't usually obstetricians.) My sister said her secret was exercise: a lot of walking and anything that wasn't stressful but would strengthen the lower muscles. (I secretly think it was alien blood. I mean not anyone from another country but another world. My dad also had strange medical "miracles.") At 8 months she even took up belly dancing. She was aboard ship heading to Japan. The military didn't realize she was 8 months or she wouldn't have been allowed to leave at that time.

 

That's why I am never really concerned when they say, "Oh, Jessa/Jilly is so big!" It could be a lot of fluid.

[amitville]

  

Oh no! That is awful. We are waiting for what....round four? I am not too far from downtown. Are you in the Springs?

It may sound strange but she died six years ago in another state. She was cremated and we had a wake. Virtually everyone in my family has died, and it all happened in a very short time.

My son and I decided to put her cremated remains in the ground... I have kept in touch with a couple of her high school friends and they are taking care of locating her school friends. We are doing her graveside service...which will be harder on me than her first. At least I will have a place to go visit her as my son had her...he could not part with her.

My friends went "poof" but per Compassionate Friends, that is normal. One has to make new friends. My boyfriend has never met my daughter but he listens...and my son has his own struggles so...I have to be careful not to hurt his heart.

Thanks for letting me talk.

Jelly Beans talk all you want we are here to listen. sending  ffhugs kisses and love

[Jellybeans]

Thank you guys. My son and I had a good Mother's Day but... things took a strange turn. As I said we are preparing for her gravesite burial. We decided to go pick a Legacy tree. But first, my son wanted to go to the cemetery to check out the plot and see which tree would look best. It distracts us from grief.

Well, when we got there...her headstone was in place. We had no idea it was placed. I guess it happened late Friday. I was not upset they had not called us yet, this is their busy time (Memorial Day) and they have not had many weather breaks but I was certainly devastated to see her stone for the first time on Mother's Day.

It was exactly how I envisioned it to be. We used my daughter's artwork and a quote that describes her perfectly... but it hit me like BIG punch to my gut because there is no experience that compares to seeing your daughter's name on a headstone. She isn't in the ground yet and now I want to call the whole thing off because it is so final but of course I won't.

I am in shock. I mean I saw her almost every day and now I don't know what to do without her.

[Readalot]

Thank you guys. My son and I had a good Mother's Day but... things took a strange turn. As I said we are preparing for her gravesite burial. We decided to go pick a Legacy tree. But first, my son wanted to go to the cemetery to check out the plot and see which tree would look best. It distracts us from grief.

Well, when we got there...her headstone was in place. We had no idea it was placed. I guess it happened late Friday. I was not upset they had not called us yet, this is their busy time (Memorial Day) and they have not had many weather breaks but I was certainly devastated to see her stone for the first time on Mother's Day.

It was exactly how I envisioned it to be. We used my daughter's artwork and a quote that describes her perfectly... but it hit me like BIG punch to my gut because there is no experience that compares to seeing your daughter's name on a headstone. She isn't in the ground yet and now I want to call the whole thing off because it is so final but of course I won't.

I am in shock. I mean I saw her almost every day and now I don't know what to do without her.

I don't know what words to use to comfort you. But please know that I care.

[JenCarroll]

I can only imagine that pain. I think it's amazing that you're carrying on as well as you are. I'm so sorry with you. Wishing you peace.

[galax-arena]

Taken from the Benessa thread, re: the merits of various fast food burger chains, which is truly the great cultural debate of our times:

 

he feels that Five Guys burgers are actually better and have a greater choice of toppings over the In and Out chain.

Five Guys wins for better fries - cajun fries, YUM - and variety of toppings, but when it comes to the burger itself, In-N-Out beats them hand down, IMO. The meat patty for Five Guys in particular is so substandard, it's just that all the toppings make it easier to overlook. And the bun is so... mushy? 

 

But did I mention that the cajun fries are delicious? Because they are. Delicious, I mean. If I could only have an In-N-Out hamburger with Five Guys cajun fries with a milkshake from Shake Shack...

Edited May 11, 2015 by galax-arena

[anony mouse]

But did I mention that the cajun fries are delicious? Because they are. Delicious, I mean. If I could only have an In-N-Out hamburger with Five Guys cajun fries with a milkshake from Shake Shack...

I have met my people.

[McManda]

In&Out burgers are much better than Five Guys, but unfortunately I live nowhere near an In&Out. :(

 

Five Guys has has infiltrated my area (seriously, in the last 2 years they've built/are building 4 within 15 miles or so) and I heard good things, so I tried one. I wasn't that impressed, especially for the price. Sadly I can't eat their fries because they're fried in peanut oil and I'm allergic. I took a chance by even walking into a Five Guys, I guess ... because no one told me they just leave crates of peanuts all over, but I was fine.

[Marigold]

Jelly Beans,

agreeing with the above poster. Not sure what to say. Words don't help such a tragic situation anyway.  But we care about you and your family. 

[BitterApple]

Personally I hate Five Guys, I think In N Out is much better.

[Love2dance]

Jellybeans, sending you as much comfort as a cyber friend can. You and your son are in my thoughts.

[jcbrown]

Jellybeans, our hearts are with you.

[allonsyalice]

Oh my word, I'm Canadian, so I've never had In N Out or any of the other really big american ones (In N Out had a pop up place in my city late last year, people lined up for like hours and hours and they wold out within two hours of opening, so) I will, state however, that Five Guys is the second best burger place I've had.  #1 goes to Hero Burger and their amazing maple chipotle barbeque sauce. 

[wanderwoman]

I'm so sorry for your loss, jelly.

[BitterApple]

Oh my word, I'm Canadian, so I've never had In N Out or any of the other really big american ones (In N Out had a pop up place in my city late last year, people lined up for like hours and hours and they wold out within two hours of opening, so) I will, state however, that Five Guys is the second best burger place I've had. #1 goes to Hero Burger and their amazing maple chipotle barbeque sauce.

No In N Out, but you have Tim Horton's!

[CarolMK]

Someone mentioned cajun fries earlier. Here in the Philadelphia area, a local junk food item sold at all the sports games is Crab Fries. They aren't as well known as Philly cheesesteaks, hoagies or soft pretzels, but they're amazingly addictive. Crinkle cut fries season with Old Bay seasoning (plus salt and pepper, I think) served with a side of melted white cheese sauce to dip them in. Normally I'm able to resist french fries, but not these. They come in a huge cup and are enough for at least 2 people to share during a game and I think they're $9. As lifelong fans, we go see the Phillies at least once a year and that's when I indulge. They are sold at all the local Chickie and Pete's bars/restaurants and they have a Chickie and Pete's stand at the sports venues as well as the Philadelphia airport. My nieces were visiting from Dallas at Easter and they had the fries for lunch before takeoff.

[Catlyn]

Crinkle cut fries season with Old Bay seasoning (plus salt and pepper, I think) served with a side of melted white cheese sauce to dip them in.

 

everything is better with Old Bay.  No salt and pepper, that's in the Old Bay seasoning.

[kalamac]

I had heard so many good things about Old Bay seasoning that as soon as the American Imports place I occasionally order from started bringing to Australia I ordered a container. Now I'm addicted to it on hot chips.

[rumcake]

I learned about Old Bay on fries at the Baltimore airport.   The waiter suggested Old Bay on my fries.   I am addicted.   

 

 

[galax-arena]

I've never had Old Bay. I'm assuming from the above comments that I should rectify that as soon as possible.

[JennyMominFL]

I dont like In and Out,lol

[Jynnan tonnix]

I wish they would make a less spicy version of Old Bay...It does actually taste good, but I'm a total wimp when it comes to spicy food. Pain is not a flavor in my book, but unfortunately that's the way my palate seems to react to even a relatively small amount of cayenne (or similar). If they kept everything else the same and dialed back on the heat I'd probably use it all the time.

[Jellybeans]

I grew up on Old Bay. I put it on my scrambled eggs. *bliss*

[Happyfatchick]

I found a cole slaw recipe last year that calls for a healthy shot of Old Bay. It's the only way we eat it now. There is "something" in Old Bay - some ingredient - that leaves an odd aftertaste in your mouth. (To me). we still eat it on pretty much everything. But you have to be careful: I heard too much Old Bay can cause see sures.

Edited May 13, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[allonsyalice]

I'm sorry, I know I can google this, but indulge me, please.

What on earth is Old Bay?