Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[wanderwoman]

Oh, you guys... seeing the name change of the forum made me choke up a little. Thank you! That's really very sweet. I will have to print the thread out for the baby book.

The scan went fine. She is a bit more active now so it was harder to get a clean picture. She definitely doesn't like the noises. We ended up switching from an MRI to a CT because the radiologist was talking sedation and I went pale. I hate it when they sedate her because it sets her back. So, they called the neurologist and they changed the order. The CT looked "pretty good". She does have the smallest "scar" on the left frontal lobe. It's still residual from her issue several weeks ago and there seems to be some debate about whether it's okay that we still see evidence. I try to stay out of the debate because it scares me. The neurological team thinks she's ready for some further testing with eeg and ct, with stimulation. But, she's doing pretty good, otherwise.

The best thing that happened today was this moment when she reached her little hand out and swiped the stuffed wolf in her bed. She had been looking at it really intently and then this tiny fist shot out and knocked it over. It made me realize that, until today, a lot of her behavior has been instinctual or reflexive. This was purposeful. Maybe her first purposeful action. Everyone in the room sort of froze. Lol. We moved the wolf out of the way and she got fussy. We put it back and she just kept swiping at it. She also figured out she could get her index finger in her mouth, kind of like you see in the pic, and she has been going to town on it. The OT was really impressed because he said she seemed more present. Almost like the lights went on. I feel so bad saying that but until today she seemed like the cute pin cushion that we monitored using a machine and monitors, but now she is showing us her will. She's this perfect little person. It was a big day. When my DH called, I put him on speaker and she opened her eyes and tried turning her head toward his voice. It was so cool.

[bigskygirl]

Wonderful news!!!  She is quite the little fighter.

[Absolom]

Awww.  That is wonderful that she can show you who she is and that she's noticing the world.  So great for you all.  :)

[jcbrown]

That is so wonderful, wanderwoman. I have been lurking here but just want you to know that your stories have moved me to tears multiple times. Best of luck to you and your terrific little family. I'm sure your husband is happy that her first purposeful movement was toward her direwolf puppy!

[Sew Sumi]

What wonderful news! And how perfect that the first thing she noticed was her direwolf! :)

[lookeyloo]

SO glad to hear this most encouraging news!

[amitville]

Oh, you guys... seeing the name change of the forum made me choke up a little. Thank you! That's really very sweet. I will have to print the thread out for the baby book.

The scan went fine. She is a bit more active now so it was harder to get a clean picture. She definitely doesn't like the noises. We ended up switching from an MRI to a CT because the radiologist was talking sedation and I went pale. I hate it when they sedate her because it sets her back. So, they called the neurologist and they changed the order. The CT looked "pretty good". She does have the smallest "scar" on the left frontal lobe. It's still residual from her issue several weeks ago and there seems to be some debate about whether it's okay that we still see evidence. I try to stay out of the debate because it scares me. The neurological team thinks she's ready for some further testing with eeg and ct, with stimulation. But, she's doing pretty good, otherwise.

The best thing that happened today was this moment when she reached her little hand out and swiped the stuffed wolf in her bed. She had been looking at it really intently and then this tiny fist shot out and knocked it over. It made me realize that, until today, a lot of her behavior has been instinctual or reflexive. This was purposeful. Maybe her first purposeful action. Everyone in the room sort of froze. Lol. We moved the wolf out of the way and she got fussy. We put it back and she just kept swiping at it. She also figured out she could get her index finger in her mouth, kind of like you see in the pic, and she has been going to town on it. The OT was really impressed because he said she seemed more present. Almost like the lights went on. I feel so bad saying that but until today she seemed like the cute pin cushion that we monitored using a machine and monitors, but now she is showing us her will. She's this perfect little person. It was a big day. When my DH called, I put him on speaker and she opened her eyes and tried turning her head toward his voice. It was so cool.

Our Maisie is such a fighter, I feel like we at the Maisie Network News are there right besides her .

[kaleidoscope]

You and Maisie adventures make me feel warm all over.  Sweet Maisie is an animal lover already ♥  Hmmm, does this mean you might have to get a real puppy for her when she comes home:) !?  Blessings to your beautiful family ♥

[amitville]

After I wrote about MNN I came back on later and read few of the posts but I didn't notice that the name had been changed, I then went to check the notifications and I finally noticed the name had been changed, I was touched.

 

 

So was I ..I am proud to be a member of this network

[Jellybeans]

I love, love hearing about Maisie. I talk about her to my neighbor and finally she asked me which hospital she was in, and if I was visiting. I felt sheepish when I told her I didn't know her, and that Maisie's mother was named wanderwoman....she was dumbfounded when I explained.

It's one of those things that can't really be explained.

wanderwoman, your daughter is a true fighter. so glad she is responding to her surroundings and daddy's phone voice. :-)

Edited March 5, 2015 by Jellybeans

[Barb23]

I posted on the Smuggar thread that I hope they don't name M4 Maisie. I don't want a Duggar sharing the name of OUR blessed little Maisie.

[Itsnotreality]

I love, love hearing about Maisie. I talk about her to my neighbor and finally she asked me which hospital she was in, and if I was visiting. I felt sheepish when I told her I didn't know her, and that Maisie's mother was named wanderwoman....she was dumbfounded when I explained.

It's one of those things that can't really be explained.

wanderwoman, your daughter is a true fighter. so glad she is responding to her surroundings and daddy's phone voice. :-)

Agree completely. Wanderwoman, it is nice to know we can at least be your venting/virtual support and we can lend a virtual shoulder, even if we can't drop off a meal or send a card. Maisie is always in my thoughts.

When I read this last week, the first thing I thought of was Maisie and MNN.

http://www.popsugar.com/moms/Motherhood-Strongest-Bond-36728831

[Marigold]

So glad she is doing well.

I work with children ages 0-3 yrs and unfortunately I do have some sad stories but I have many more really great stories!!!! So many do so so so well. So many miracle babies.

Keep on keeping on!

[P2C2E]

You all have allowed me to say things, under a cloak of internet anonymity, that I'm afraid to say to friends and family because I don't want to burden them. So, I'm grateful for everything we have. Hugs to you all.

 

That's what we're here for! It's like free therapy! Honestly, the best thing therapy did for me was give me a place to express all of my feelings without apprehension because I was telling it to a stranger who didn't know me or anyone around me. It was very freeing. It's good that we can provide that side of things for you. You are both fighters (and wanderman too)!

[wanderwoman]

I love, love hearing about Maisie. I talk about her to my neighbor and finally she asked me which hospital she was in, and if I was visiting. I felt sheepish when I told her I didn't know her, and that Maisie's mother was named wanderwoman....she was dumbfounded when I explained.

It's one of those things that can't really be explained.

wanderwoman, your daughter is a true fighter. so glad she is responding to her surroundings and daddy's phone voice. :-)

I'm sorry that had to be pretty awkward for you. I have to say, there's something to be said for this sort of support system. I have friends who have driven 100+ miles to see Maisie and try to help. I love them and their desire to help. They are great friends. But, how do you explain that their visit brings anxiety and reliving "the birth story" time after time becomes it's own blanket of sadness. Having to explain to each visitor what every tube leads to or how, though their words are well intended, the question "I bet you can't wait to get home?", makes me anxious because I know home will be minus the people who are helping my daughter live and breathe. I can't explain to them that, even though I love them for the effort, I break into a cold sweat when they come in to Maisie's area and tell me that their child has "a little runny nose". And, I hate telling them that, some days, I just don't have it in me to give another NICU tour or pretend to be interested in the little arguments and gossip that they need me to be caught up on because all I have room to care about is the next hour or the next round of tests. I feel bad that I'm not a great friend right now. So, this. THIS. This is perfect. I can post when I want or need to and get my words out and take two hours to do it in between feedings and tests and baths. I don't have to re-tell the same birth story and relive it. I'm pretty sure vets have it harder, but I'm pretty sure I've got a bit of PTSD. I can give this the time I have, when I can and I like that. That's why these communities matter. And, every now and then, I can divert my attention to a stupid tv show and laugh about the idiocy. You guys are the best.

You and Maisie adventures make me feel warm all over.  Sweet Maisie is an animal lover already ♥  Hmmm, does this mean you might have to get a real puppy for her when she comes home:) !?  Blessings to your beautiful family ♥

We have a very protective German Shepherd at home, already. I'm not sure I would be able to do a puppy and a preemie. Lol. Muir (our dog) is already going nuts because he's been with friends for the last few weeks. DH took one of th e blankets from Maisie's isolette so Muir could sniff it and get used to her scent. I haven't really thought to ask about how dogs react to preemie and their equipment. See! This thread gave me another good thing to research. :)

Maisie wore her first daytime outfit today. It came with one of those ridiculous pig tail headbands and I pitched that in the garbage. But, it's a cute little dress with leggings and socks. She has too many tubes to button it up correctly but it's soft and made her look more normal. :)

She had her Neuro consult today, armed with yesterday's scan, and an EEG. It looks like she still has a little deficit, but it's less than it used to be. The neuro thinks she might have some fine motor control issues based on where her bleed was. Thankfully, he said occupational and physical therapy will take care of it. Everything else was great. She is definitely hearing well. Her eyes seem fine for now, too. They're considering removing her NG tube, surprisingly! She's gaining so well and they think her suck-swallow-breathe coordination is being hampered by the NG. Keep your fingers crossed. She really liked her bath today. No tears, just wiggles.

[bigskygirl]

Her first daytime outfit and wiggling around during bath time. So sweet and adorable. Proud of you, your husband, and Maisie. I also think it is a good idea about the blanket and letting your dog get use to her scent.

[MarysWetBar]

I'm so glad she had a good day and you did too. I think logging in just to see if there has been news on Maisie has done me a world of good too, honestly. Its been a rough week and having thoughts of you and baby have actually brightened more than one day for me this past week. Its really pretty easy to understand. .one tiny little fighter and her mommy just so happy she reached out at a stuffed toy...in a NICU. I have absolutely nothing to complain about here in my world. Thank you for sharing your updates with us. They really do bring the cheer.

[leighroda]

First wanderwoman, you are my hero , I'm so happy you get to love on Maisie. I'm actually in nursing school (4 more months) and plan to be a picu or nicu nurse because of stories like yours.

And I kinda understand your delimma of people visiting or not knowing what to say, I was recently in a somewhat similar situation, my mom became suddenly sick, we found out she had cancer jan 1, and she passed away feb 8... I moved back home (I live in Florida, she lived in tx) to care for her in the meantime and was inundated with people who wanted to come by or offers of "let me know if you need anything" and while I appreciated the thought, and was thankful people cared, she was sleeping most of the days (she was home, we had in home hospice nurses that visited) and so when I would get the calls of people wanting to visit and 9 times out of 10 had to decline, whether it was her exhaustion, my exhaustion or the facebook post you made 30 minutes earlier about the flu ravaging your house... And the vague offers of help overwhelmed me because I had know idea where to even start... It became so much more stressful having people around. I know your situation is very different... But all of that to say I understand the gratitude/frustration continuum. And I understand the support from the previously TV community, I posted in the little couple thread when my mom was sick.

Best wishes to you and your family

[msblossom]

Loving these posts and updates, though I've never commented, I feel a little like I'm intruding on something special. The raw honesty is beautifully written and expressed. All the best to you and your sweet baby Maisie.

[Love2dance]

Another previous lurker letting you know, wanderwoman, that you have touched my heart and thank you for sharing your journey with us. Every post with good news brings a bright spot to my day. Sending you and your DH hugs and good wishes.

Edited March 6, 2015 by Love2dance

[CherryMalotte]

Screw the Duggars.  I come here for Maisie updates.

[Catlyn]

The neuro thinks she might have some fine motor control issues based on where her bleed was. Thankfully, he said occupational and physical therapy will take care of it.

 

I've heard younger children with neuro problems do better with therapy because their brains are still being "wired" and will often rewire over the problem. That's why some brain damage is different for children and adults. Adults have a harder time with being rewired, and children's brains are still going through the process, if that makes any sense.

 

Glad Maisie is doing well! She sounds amazing!

[amitville]

I'm sorry that had to be pretty awkward for you. I have to say, there's something to be said for this sort of support system. I have friends who have driven 100+ miles to see Maisie and try to help. I love them and their desire to help. They are great friends. But, how do you explain that their visit brings anxiety and reliving "the birth story" time after time becomes it's own blanket of sadness. Having to explain to each visitor what every tube leads to or how, though their words are well intended, the question "I bet you can't wait to get home?", makes me anxious because I know home will be minus the people who are helping my daughter live and breathe. I can't explain to them that, even though I love them for the effort, I break into a cold sweat when they come in to Maisie's area and tell me that their child has "a little runny nose". And, I hate telling them that, some days, I just don't have it in me to give another NICU tour or pretend to be interested in the little arguments and gossip that they need me to be caught up on because all I have room to care about is the next hour or the next round of tests. I feel bad that I'm not a great friend right now. So, this. THIS. This is perfect. I can post when I want or need to and get my words out and take two hours to do it in between feedings and tests and baths. I don't have to re-tell the same birth story and relive it. I'm pretty sure vets have it harder, but I'm pretty sure I've got a bit of PTSD. I can give this the time I have, when I can and I like that. That's why these communities matter. And, every now and then, I can divert my attention to a stupid tv show and laugh about the idiocy. You guys are the best.

We have a very protective German Shepherd at home, already. I'm not sure I would be able to do a puppy and a preemie. Lol. Muir (our dog) is already going nuts because he's been with friends for the last few weeks. DH took one of th e blankets from Maisie's isolette so Muir could sniff it and get used to her scent. I haven't really thought to ask about how dogs react to preemie and their equipment. See! This thread gave me another good thing to research. :)

Maisie wore her first daytime outfit today. It came with one of those ridiculous pig tail headbands and I pitched that in the garbage. But, it's a cute little dress with leggings and socks. She has too many tubes to button it up correctly but it's soft and made her look more normal. :)

She had her Neuro consult today, armed with yesterday's scan, and an EEG. It looks like she still has a little deficit, but it's less than it used to be. The neuro thinks she might have some fine motor control issues based on where her bleed was. Thankfully, he said occupational and physical therapy will take care of it. Everything else was great. She is definitely hearing well. Her eyes seem fine for now, too. They're considering removing her NG tube, surprisingly! She's gaining so well and they think her suck-swallow-breathe coordination is being hampered by the NG. Keep your fingers crossed. She really liked her bath today. No tears, just wiggles.

 

Cherry Malotte expressed it perfectly "  Screw the Duggars.  I come here for Maisie updates". That is why i am here. bless you and your family for making every day a lighter brighter with updates on our fighter Baby Maisie.

[GEML]

Her brain is still developing so fast and will for the next few years. I wouldn't want to make any conclusions about who she is or will be because of something that shows up now.

Loved the story about the plush.

[Jellybeans]

wanderwoman, it is ok to tell friends "no vistors" for awhile. our situations are quite different as you know my 34 year old daughter died. I had no support whatsoever.

in your case, you are dealing with a premie and that is different. maybe a group email so no one feels picked on? maybe you can ask the nurses to back you up... i had icu put a "family only!" sign on her door and the asked who they were and what their relationship was, then came in to ask me if they were family. Most were not. I was able to tend to my daughter.

So thrilled for you, your DH and Maisie!

[Itsnotreality]

Agree with all the ideas re sign or mass weekly email update. Understand the concern but it can be more unhelpful than not.

Having been in a situation I remember dealing with ppl and taking care of their feelings became just one more thing to deal with when I had no emotional or actual energy for that left. At one point rather bluntly telling someone "This is not a living room. It's ICU. We're not entertaining. We will see you when we get home." Not my best moment.

Realize some ppl just want to show their concern and for extended hospital stays maybe feel obligated to visit, and unsure what to say when they get there, so maybe a general email update including a friendly "please, no visitors at this time" will help.

[Skittl1321]

I agree it is okay to say no visitors.

If you have the energy to do it, an email that tells people how they can help might be worthwhile. People who love you want to support you, and in situations like this- they may not know how. Most likely your friends and family want to know what they can do for you, if anything. Do you need help at home? Maybe ask for someone to bring food, do laundry, walk the dog- so you don't need to worry about these things. Or Amazon gift cards to stock your kindle for long NICU hours.  If nothing, maybe a nice "thank you all for your support, if you'd like to help Maisie and babies like her, please donate in her name to XYZ (March of Dimes? I know they did a lot of the research that supported my sister's preemies when they were in the NICU).  I know when my nephews were in the NICU I hated that I couldn't do anything...I also didn't visit though, because I knew I couldn't do anything.

 

I haven't posted- but I'm praying for Maisie and keeping up on the updates. 

[Wellfleet]

Her first daytime outfit and wiggling around during bath time. So sweet and adorable. Proud of you, your husband, and Maisie. I also think it is a good idea about the blanket and letting your dog get use to her scent.

 

Good news on all fronts! A really great idea to "introduce" Maisie to Muir ahead of their first actual meeting too. And a German shepherd? Just THE most protective dog in the world, IMHO. I predict he'll lay right down beside her, wherever she is. And won't let a stranger within a city block of her without emitting that great, sinister, scary Shepherd growl or bark. Maisie doesn't know it yet, but she's already got a bestest friend... :>)

[wanderwoman]

First wanderwoman, you are my hero , I'm so happy you get to love on Maisie. I'm actually in nursing school (4 more months) and plan to be a picu or nicu nurse because of stories like yours.

And I kinda understand your delimma of people visiting or not knowing what to say, I was recently in a somewhat similar situation, my mom became suddenly sick, we found out she had cancer jan 1, and she passed away feb 8... I moved back home (I live in Florida, she lived in tx) to care for her in the meantime and was inundated with people who wanted to come by or offers of "let me know if you need anything" and while I appreciated the thought, and was thankful people cared, she was sleeping most of the days (she was home, we had in home hospice nurses that visited) and so when I would get the calls of people wanting to visit and 9 times out of 10 had to decline, whether it was her exhaustion, my exhaustion or the facebook post you made 30 minutes earlier about the flu ravaging your house

I'm very sorry for your loss. The loss of a parent is always difficult.

Luckily, the hospital has a no unannounced visitors NICU policy. Especially in the Critical Care NICU, you had to check in downstairs and then be buzzed in after a temperature check and scrubbing in. But, people would show up any way and then I'd feel bad about their drive and feel obligated to let them visit. I do like the idea of directing people to March of Dimes, if they feel they need to do something.

The Ng tube is officially out. Yay! She looks different without it. We gave her a bottle with breastmilk and a little of this disgusting smelling supplement and she did really well. She's up to two oz at a time, every 3-4 hours. She is sleeping right now and I just noticed that her eyes are moving beneath those sweet little, rose petal eyelids. The OT told me that's a great sign. I never realized how much our bodies do every day. Every little muscle movement. Every process is a series of one action leading to another. Since we've been dealing with her coordination of breathing and swallowing, I haven't been able to eat a meal without thinking about my own pattern (open mouth, breathe through nose, food goes in, chew, chew, chew, breathe, make a bolus, swallow, breathe, rinse, etc.,.). Don't get me started on drinking a coke. Lol.

Maisie had a little temp after her feeding. Could be nothing but her exertion during feeding and wearing clothes. They should be around to check any minute now. DH should be here tonight so I won't update until tomorrow. He's going to spend the night with Maisie and I'm going to sleep in a real bed tonight. I'm going to miss our girl and all her cuteness, but I need sleep. We got a hotel room. I may even watch a tv show on a screen larger than 7". Lol! I will be sure to pace myself.

One strange observation: hospitals really do smell funky. When I do grab a minute outside, it's amazing how many smells you take for granted. I went up to a mezzanine with the radiologist yesterday and someone was making bbq-ing a chicken nearby. ::::::drool:::::::

While I was journaling this, a baby came in from labor and delivery. He is just over 3lbs. Looking at him, it's stunning to see how chubby Maisie looks by comparison. She was at 4lbs, 15oz (one oz, arrrrrrrghhhh!) this morning but she seems like a chunker next to him. Wow. She's come so far. :)

ETA: a while ago someone asked what her due date was. It was March 28th to April 3rd depending on which ultrasound you relied on. The neonatologist noted her as being 36 weeks gestational age, today. We were told she would go home around her due date, if all went well.

Edited March 6, 2015 by wanderwoman

[Absolom]

That's all fantastic.  While I was reading I was thinking a 2 ounce bottle is super good for what I was thinking her size was.  I took a little girl home from the hospital who weighed 4-14 and it was all I could do to get 1.25 to 1.5 ounces in her per feeding.  Maisie is doing great!

[Micks Picks]

I mentioned before to Wanderwoman that the on-line support was better than the in-person support IMO.  I see Leighroda tends to agree.  I hated the questions, heck I didn't know most of the answers anyway, and I didn't want to explain, and have people coming in that you felt you had to be nice to and do things for, it was all too much.  And for me it was more than 3 years of hell, one thing after the other.  My mom, my husband, my dog who was part of my soul, my illness and very long hospitalization, my house burning down…talk about PSD.  I've got no ability left to really take care of things and only good to go for a couple of hours at a time.  More problems coming up soon.  Jump at everything.  So the cyber community was the very best thing for me.  And I'm so happy to supply my support for Maisie.  BTW it took me a very long time to read thru comments and type this because the dog I have left decided attention NOW and gave me a hundred kisses and sat on the computer.  That gets the point across.  If not for him and my cyber friends, I don't know if I could make it.  Wander and Leigh, I cyber love you both and really feel great empathy.  I know Maisie will be great.

[leighroda]

Exactly, it's weird because I know for myself, I'm not really one to share details of my life with strangers, but real life people were so exhausting, online I was able to vent and appreciated the well wishes, even if I dont "know" the people. In real life visitors meant feeling like I needed to clean, I was still feeling like they were at my house so I needed to entertain them, offer drinks etc. I know nobody truly expected all of that from me, but that's just the dynamic of having people in your home, especially because they were my moms friends, not mine, so I didn't personally know them.

One thing I did was create a caringbridge site, it's a blog, so I was able pass around that link and was able to do updates in one post instead of emailing, or texting/calling everyone. I could post things like "doctors are coming today so today is not a good day for visitors" or she's having a good day, so come visit if you would like", that made things a little easier to me.

Lol about the hospital smell, I don't really consider it good or bad, but it's very distinct. I have a trick for when I have to deal with unpleasant hospital smells, either put a little Vicks vapor rub under my nose, or if I am wearing a mask put a little on the mask itself, or even stick an alcohol swab or spray a little air freshener in it. None of those options smell great but it's better than the odor im avoiding... You're welcome.

[MarysWetBar]

wanderwoman, it is ok to tell friends "no vistors" for awhile. our situations are quite different as you know my 34 year old daughter died. I had no support whatsoever.

in your case, you are dealing with a premie and that is different. maybe a group email so no one feels picked on? maybe you can ask the nurses to back you up... i had icu put a "family only!" sign on her door and the asked who they were and what their relationship was, then came in to ask me if they were family. Most were not. I was able to tend to my daughter.

So thrilled for you, your DH and Maisie!

I always want to give you a hug when you talk about your daughter. I'm so sorry you suffered that loss alone.Sending you internet hugs like mad.

[Mrsjumbo]

Love the Maisie updates! She is doing great!

I was going to say don't sweat it if Maisie does not BF. My twins were bottle fed & are at the top of their class. So many moms feel guilty. But it seems little Maisy is doing well with it, how wonderful!

[amitville]

gets stronger

I'm very sorry for your loss. The loss of a parent is always difficult.

Luckily, the hospital has a no unannounced visitors NICU policy. Especially in the Critical Care NICU, you had to check in downstairs and then be buzzed in after a temperature check and scrubbing in. But, people would show up any way and then I'd feel bad about their drive and feel obligated to let them visit. I do like the idea of directing people to March of Dimes, if they feel they need to do something.

The Ng tube is officially out. Yay! She looks different without it. We gave her a bottle with breastmilk and a little of this disgusting smelling supplement and she did really well. She's up to two oz at a time, every 3-4 hours. She is sleeping right now and I just noticed that her eyes are moving beneath those sweet little, rose petal eyelids. The OT told me that's a great sign. I never realized how much our bodies do every day. Every little muscle movement. Every process is a series of one action leading to another. Since we've been dealing with her coordination of breathing and swallowing, I haven't been able to eat a meal without thinking about my own pattern (open mouth, breathe through nose, food goes in, chew, chew, chew, breathe, make a bolus, swallow, breathe, rinse, etc.,.). Don't get me started on drinking a coke. Lol.

Maisie had a little temp after her feeding. Could be nothing but her exertion during feeding and wearing clothes. They should be around to check any minute now. DH should be here tonight so I won't update until tomorrow. He's going to spend the night with Maisie and I'm going to sleep in a real bed tonight. I'm going to miss our girl and all her cuteness, but I need sleep. We got a hotel room. I may even watch a tv show on a screen larger than 7". Lol! I will be sure to pace myself.
One strange observation: hospitals really do smell funky. When I do grab a minute outside, it's amazing how many smells you take for granted. I went up to a mezzanine with the radiologist yesterday and someone was making bbq-ing a chicken nearby. ::::::drool:::::::

While I was journaling this, a baby came in from labor and delivery. He is just over 3lbs. Looking at him, it's stunning to see how chubby Maisie looks by comparison. She was at 4lbs, 15oz (one oz, arrrrrrrghhhh!) this morning but she seems like a chunker next to him. Wow. She's come so far. :)
ETA: a while ago someone asked what her due date was. It was March 28th to April 3rd depending on which ultrasound you relied on. The neonatologist noted her as being 36 weeks gestational age, today. We were told she would go home around her due date, if all went well.

BrianJ62 said it best Our Maisie is a wonderwomen  .  Thank you for keeping us updated.

Maisie's mom maybe wanderwoman, Maisie is Wonderwoman.

Thank you this title of wonderwomen fits our Maisie

[Jellybeans]

I always want to give you a hug when you talk about your daughter. I'm so sorry you suffered that loss alone.Sending you internet hugs like mad.

Thank you, thank you. I was just put on an antidepressant so hopefully it will help me get out of my deep funk.

[wanderwoman]

Thank you, thank you. I was just put on an antidepressant so hopefully it will help me get out of my deep funk.

I'm figuring out that that's not a bad thing (anti depressants). ((Hugs))

A doctor here explained the chemistry of depression to me and it was a lightbulb moment. When I understood the chemistry of trauma, I understood how shaming people for taking anti depressant was like calling someone with seizures "weak" for taking their seizure meds.

I think you are brave for reaching out for that help.

Maisie had a boring day. Yay! DH gave her her bath this evening. I think she's already got him for a pony and a convertible. She's been really awake the last two days. We got to see her without the nasal cannula for a brief moment today. It was so lovely to see her little cupids bow, top lip. The had to move her up a size. We tried nursing again today. This time, we asked, as someone suggested, for a privacy screen and my body seemed to let down a bit better, without drowning her. Maybe it's not a lost cause after all. She nursed for about two minutes. It wasn't much. But, she also didn't choke or gag. She burped pretty loud (first time) and we all jumped. Lol. She also started making little coos. It was amazing. I hadn't thought about it, by necessity or ignorance, but the Ng tube was probably making noises hard to make. She keeps smacking away on her index and middle fingers, but kicks the pacifier out of her mouth (which made her occupational therapist strangely happy). Tomorrow is the 36 week mark. That means it's possible we may be discharged by her due date if all continues.

Edited March 8, 2015 by wanderwoman

[Sew Sumi]

Here's to more of those "boring" days! #teamMaisie! 

[P2C2E]

I'm figuring out that that's not a bad thing (anti depressants). ((Hugs))

A doctor here explained the chemistry of depression to me and it was a lightbulb moment. When I understood the chemistry of trauma, I understood how shaming people for taking anti depressant was like calling someone with seizures "weak" for taking their seizure meds.

I think you are brave for reaching out for that help.

 

Amen!

[Micks Picks]

I with you Brian, all the way.

[Mrsjumbo]

I wish I would have seen a dr for anti depressants instead of putting on 70 lbs in less than 2 yrs! I didn't pick a healthy way to deal with my stress.

Love the "boring" Maisie update!

[Jellybeans]

Wonderful news about Maisie! You would be surprised at how much milk Maisie gets in a couple of minutes. My EX once said How do you know he is getting enough and I said "by looking at him" and right that moment he projectile vomited clear across the room a LOT of milk. He never asked that question again since a lot of it landed on him. LOL.

wanderwoman you tell your stories about Maisie in such a sweet way. :-)

Like Brian I am suffering from MDD. I have never been depressed previously but it is due to my daughter. Not sure if meds are working since the side effects are getting to me. I really have trouble with with many meds. It is how I became deaf for starters. Took ototoxic antibotics for broncitis when I was a baby. (streptomycin) It is seldom used now.

Anyway, I enjoy hearing about Maisie! :-) Did not think it was boring!

[GEML]

Two minutes of nursing and a burp is great!

And no one should every shame someone about any medical treatment.

[Jellybeans]

I was thinking to myself before I wrote the post about MDD that your really putting yourself out there by posting about the MDD that I have then I thought if you can positively affect at least one person then it's worth it.

No one should be embarassed about MDD. It is/can be life draining. I have to read positive stories like Maisie's progress to keep going.

[msblossom]

I don't always practice it, but I'm inspired by it's truth:

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Be kind.

Always." --Unknown

[frenchtoast]

My now 12 year old has been going to counseling for 2 years. We haven't explored pediatric options for medication for depression for him, but he definitely suffers from it. Good luck to all those suffering as well. 

 

There was some talk in another thread about an engagement being a surprise versus shopping for a ring. Personally, I think it depends on the couple, but considering how much a partnership a marriage is, I think it's something that should be discussed and not be a surprise. Then again, I don't really see the point of engagement rings other than spending a lot of money. I have one but hubby really wanted to give me one. It doesn't fit any more and it got in the way and I gave up. I only wear my wedding band now. I also got married at my home, 15 years ago this August, because I really didn't want to spend a lot of money on a fancy party. But that's me, and it fit us well.

[Mrsjumbo]

We've been married 20 yrs. I haven't worn my big fancy ring in awhile now- first because it would scratch the babies as I was changing diapers. Then I put on the 70 lbs previously mentioned. As I'm getting older the ring is less important. I'm not straying, I don't need a ring to tell me that.

[wanderwoman]

This dance is so exhausting. I wouldn't have it any other way, if it means having Maisie, but I am tired. DH left to go back home this afternoon and an hour later, Maisie started running a fever. Then, about three hours after that, she had a febrile seizure. She's okay - they immediately did a thousand tests to make sure it was "just" fever related. I just, for a small moment, thought she was going to take a hundred steps back or worse. Her fever is under control now and she's sucking on her fingers like nothing happened. It's amazing how fast things go south and then so wonderful when it returns to normal.

[Absolom]

Oh, I'm so sorry you all had to go through that.  I'm glad it was over so quickly.  I hope whatever bug she caught goes away in a hurry.

[Micks Picks]

Babies are amazingly tough and resilient.  In earthquakes, many times a hospital or apartment complex collapses and who survives for days before being rescued?  The newly born.  They have no food or water sometimes for several days and they make it.  It's a wondrous thing.