Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Defrauder]

Imho, your apology really is not necessary. You spoke what you felt and that's a function of any forum. And you were not alone in your thinking. I, like you, at times felt that the convo affected me in an almost overwhelmingly depressing way. I was supportive and empathetic but began to feel so much weight that I would skim through posts and consequently miss topics.

I don't think that any of us thought it was okay to "allow" WW free rein and I appreciate that the con was busted. Not even sure how that relates to this issue. And not sure what kind of tracking was needed to discover the con. I've read many posts that strain credulity and just roll my eyes and try to move on. But reach a point...

I hope you were not PM-flamed for your feelings and your opinions.

Be well.

(don't worry, all. I won't let the door hit me. but maybe that's the desired effect.)

Thanks, I'm happy for your post.  The PM's to me have been positive.  I did feel the need to apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings so I  felt that was the right thing to do.  I know not everyone feels the same way about things that I do. Thanks again for your post.

[yogi2014L]

It took me 20 years for my family and inlaws to stop the christmas gift insanity. Decades of stupid, unasked-for, unneeded crap that went to the goodwill or the trash. Though my nephew seems to think everyone should buy christmas presents for his girlfriend. Not sure where he got that idea and I'm going to squash it as soon as I'm able.

I'm mean and heartless that way.

We JUST decided, after 27+ years, to do a grab bag among adults now that there are kids in the mix. Everyone is so happy. I got really tired of having to buy 10+ gifts for grown ass adults lol

[Happyfatchick]

Defrauder, as the regular poster with the longest list of whines, I can say it stung a little. But on reflection, I'm thinking maybe I should dial it back some. I really don't post anything for the "God Bless You Wonderful Human" aspect, but for the rant. Just to be able to unload my wagon. That said, I do sometimes say things like, "if you're tired of my junk, tell me and I'll stop", and I mean it. But the scroll feature is our friend too, right? IIRC, you mentioned in the original post that you wanted good news, and included grand babies. Oh honey pul-lease!!! I expect after this newbie gets here (DUE DEC 1!!!!! She's already a little dilated, and having the occasional contraction!), about a week in, you'd be justified to post a new statement removing new grands from the list. ;)

If you want to really really pop my forehead, tell me you hate my silly family stories. Those give me more pleasure than anything.

And as it happens, I have one.

Last year, i talked to all the grands and our (then) exchange student, and suggested we have a "giving" Christmas instead of a "getting" one. I gave them a week to discuss it, and there was (so I heard) some angst (because I really do very good presents - not expensive, but I'm a ponderer, a gift has to be EXACTLY the thing...) and they knew they were giving that up. They decided they wanted me to spend all their gift money on someone who wouldn't have Christmas without help. We adopted a community family with children and shopped for them instead. My adult children decided to pool the money I'd have spent on them and their spouses and bought a couple bikes on sale for the Marine's Toys for Tots thing.

At the same time, my youngest son had bought a house just before Christmas, and they are young with starting out level jobs, and had NOTHING. So The kids and I took part of the budget and spent it on house essentials (a hammer, a colander, a small toolbox, etc). When each would open their gift (the hammer, for example), they would exclaim, "a hammer!!! I don't need a hammer! Here, uncle Brett, you can have this". By the time the hoopla was over, everybody was crying. It was really a precious Christmas, and the kids loved it. They were just as pie faced and happy as if Santa himself was in the room. And of course, Christmas was more pricey for me because I HAD to get each one something anyway, and that was a big surprise when the wagon was wheeled in. Nothing big, but a little something. I was so so proud of those kids. We actually let them do the shopping for the family we helped. Took them to target, gave them lists and a budget. They did great, too, little misers! They never once complained and were excited to do the shopping.

I'm not bragging (maybe a little), but they are REALLY too stinking cute and I cannot WAIT to have them back in my arms!!

[yogi2014L]

Defrauder, as the regular poster with the longest list of whines, I can say it stung a little. But on reflection, I'm thinking maybe I should dial it back some. I really don't post anything for the "God Bless You Wonderful Human" aspect, but for the rant. Just to be able to unload my wagon. That said, I do sometimes say things like, "if you're tired of my junk, tell me and I'll stop", and I mean it. But the scroll feature is our friend too, right? IIRC, you mentioned in the original post that you wanted good news, and included grand babies. Oh honey pul-lease!!! I expect after this newbie gets here (DUE DEC 1!!!!! She's already a little dilated, and having the occasional contraction!), about a week in, you'd be justified to post a new statement removing new grands from the list. ;)

If you want to really really pop my forehead, tell me you hate my silly family stories. Those give me more pleasure than anything.

And as it happens, I have one.

Last year, i talked to all the grands and our (then) exchange student, and suggested we have a "giving" Christmas instead of a "getting" one. I gave them a week to discuss it, and there was (so I heard) some angst (because I really do very good presents - not expensive, but I'm a ponderer, a gift has to be EXACTLY the thing...) and they knew they were giving that up. They decided they wanted me to spend all their gift money on someone who wouldn't have Christmas without help. We adopted a community family with children and shopped for them instead. My adult children decided to pool the money I'd have spent on them and their spouses and bought a couple bikes on sale for the Marine's Toys for Tots thing.

At the same time, my youngest son had bought a house just before Christmas, and they are young with starting out level jobs, and had NOTHING. So The kids and I took part of the budget and spent it on house essentials (a hammer, a colander, a small toolbox, etc). When each would open their gift (the hammer, for example), they would exclaim, "a hammer!!! I don't need a hammer! Here, uncle Brett, you can have this". By the time the hoopla was over, everybody was crying. It was really a precious Christmas, and the kids loved it. They were just as pie faced and happy as if Santa himself was in the room. And of course, Christmas was more pricey for me because I HAD to get each one something anyway, and that was a big surprise when the wagon was wheeled in. Nothing big, but a little something. I was so so proud of those kids. We actually let them do the shopping for the family we helped. Took them to target, gave them lists and a budget. They did great, too, little misers! They never once complained and were excited to do the shopping.

I'm not bragging (maybe a little), but they are REALLY too stinking cute and I cannot WAIT to have them back in my arms!!

awww that put a giant smile on my face, what an awesome and generous idea. 

[leighroda]

My family was very not-typical growing up so the way we handled Christmas was a little different. My mom and dad didn't really get us anything or do anything, neither handled money well so we were doing good to have dinner on the table. My moms parents always did their best to make sure we had normal experiences, we were the only grandchildren (I have a brother and a sister) so they took on Christmas. When we were little we got the usual toys/clothes and usually one larger gift for all 3 of us (like Nintendo... I'm in my early 30's and I'm the middle child so this was mostly I the 90's) somewhere around middle school the game changed, we each got $200 and would go shopping the day after thanksgiving (before Black Friday got seriously crazy) that stuff would then be stored at my grandparents until Christmas morning where they would be wrapped and we would open them. Honestly it wasn't my favorite, I know why they did it, they didn't want to waste time money on things we didn't want, what better way to ensure that wouldn't happen than us picking out our own present. But to me some of the joy is that someone thought about you, and it's fun to see their interpretation of what you like. I appreciate the effort that we got anything at all, don't get me wrong. And they did usually throw in a few things we didn't know about, like before I went to college I got a small tool kit that I still use 15 years later.

I have a small holiday delimma myself. Given that my family is now just myself and my 2 siblings, both of our parents passed away and grandparents passed away many years ago, none of us have children so we don't really treat Christmas a whole lot differently than a birthday, we get each other 1-2 presents but that's pretty much it. It's totally ok, it doesn't bother me, but it really bothers my best friend, she has a pretty large family, she lives with her parents (they are getting up in age so it's becoming necessary to care for them), husband and her 2 kids, her sister and her husband... A few years ago they invited me to Christmas, it was so nice of them but honestly it's really awkward to be a guest at someone else's Christmas. I'm not used to the bickering that goes with a larger/louder family it was a bit overwhelming, and then it puts me in a awkward position... They each just buy one extra thing and I wind up with so many gifts, but I could not afford to by 8 more gifts, plus I was traveling by plane so I couldn't really make anything and bring it. It makes me feel bad so when my friend suggested it this year, I played the dead mom card (that since it's the first year since my mom passed so I feel like I should be with my siblings) but my friend is still pushing the issue... It's so hard because I truly appreciate that they think of me as family, it really means a lot to me. But I'm kinda having a hard time with the holidays in general and beyond the money issue of not being able to get everyone presents (I'm in an awkward state of not working, I graduated but I have a board exam to take before I get a job) I simply don't feel like spending the holiday with another family and be reminded of my lack of family. I recognize its kinda selfish but it's how I feel. I've told my friend point blank no, so I'm not leaving at "I'll think about it" but I haven't given her the specific reason other than my siblings. I know if I tell her the present thing she'll say they don't care if I get them presents, but I would feel terrible getting gifts and not having anything to give anyone else, that's a lot of the fun of Christmas to see how happy it can make people. All of that to say, I'm starting to get really annoyed, but then I feel bad the thing I'm annoyed about is that my best friend wants to spend a holiday with me.

[Defrauder]

Defrauder, as the regular poster with the longest list of whines, I can say it stung a little. But on reflection, I'm thinking maybe I should dial it back some. I really don't post anything for the "God Bless You Wonderful Human" aspect, but for the rant. Just to be able to unload my wagon. That said, I do sometimes say things like, "if you're tired of my junk, tell me and I'll stop", and I mean it. But the scroll feature is our friend too, right? IIRC, you mentioned in the original post that you wanted good news, and included grand babies. Oh honey pul-lease!!! I expect after this newbie gets here (DUE DEC 1!!!!! She's already a little dilated, and having the occasional contraction!), about a week in, you'd be justified to post a new statement removing new grands from the list. ;)

If you want to really really pop my forehead, tell me you hate my silly family stories. Those give me more pleasure than anything.

And as it happens, I have one.

 

Hi Happy,  You lost me on this one.  Firstly, I would like good news but have never mentioned grand-babies - either having them or wanting to hear about them. Look, my original post to Bursla was trying to be supportive of her and give her hope that she probably didn't have MS.  My post that followed sometime later - to no one in particular just complained about the negativity I found here.  That is the post that I apologized for in case it offended anyone.  It was like a paragraph.  I apologized for it.  But if you're going to give me grandchildren I don't have or say that I mentioned wanting to hear about them then I just must correct you. 

 

I'm usually a positive person and do use the scroll feature as well as the ignore feature and I rarely complain about anything.  I made one post of complaint that I apologized for. It wasn't a long rant of any kind. Period.  End of story.  I don't have and have never mentioned grandchildren. Thank you.

[emma675]

Defrauder, I think you read HFC's post wrong. She's saying she's super excited about her new upcoming grandbaby and there will be tons of fun stories about said baby to come. She's not saying you have or mentioned grandkids yourself. 

[Defrauder]

Defrauder, I think you read HFC's post wrong. She's saying she's super excited about her new upcoming grandbaby and there will be tons of fun stories about said baby to come. She's not saying you have or mentioned grandkids yourself. 

I don't think so.  HFC said that  in my 'original' post(?) I included grand babies. I don't know how else that could be read. 

[Happyfatchick]

Thanks Emma! I really thought grands were mentioned, so I apologize for that misconception. Let's all have a group apologize, shall we? But then I really used the whole post to brag about my grands. (Cuz that's what we DO!!!)

[emma675]

HFC, girl I got you, lol!

[Defrauder]

I'm the one who got her!  LOL.

[Missy Vixen]

entitled hosebeast

I LOVE THIS. And I need it on a t-shirt. ;-)

[Missy Vixen]

As I have previously mentioned (I think) the family hostess had such an issue with one of my sisters-in-law at the Thanksgiving table a couple of years ago that she and her family go to visit her son in another state for Christmas now. We don't have a family Christmas celebration. I remain grateful, especially since we do not have to deal with family members that would make Gandhi swear. One example: Presents.

 

My sisters-in-law demanded lavish gifts from us each year and never gave us a thing in return. I wish I was kidding. This went on for years until I finally told DH that we were not "exchanging gifts" with two people who couldn't spend $10 for a gift in return.

 

The best part about the upcoming family Thanksgiving celebration: The food issues have gotten progressively worse over the past few years. (In other words, we have a family member that refuses to allow any type of food containing gluten at family potlucks. There are other family members who are vegan/vegetarians. This leaves few "acceptable" dishes.) Interestingly enough, some of the cousins actually mentioned on the family e-mails coordinating the potluck that they are bringing some non-GF items this year as well. I look forward to the resulting explosions from certain parties and will be sure to take notes. ;-)

[SomePity1066]

I have reached my quota of positive votes for the day - Noooooooooo.... !!!

 

I'll catch up with y'all later, promise  ;)

 

Anyhoo, what a board today ! You guys are making me laugh, cringe, cry, feel angry, and feel grateful here. First, thanks to one and all for the hot flash advice ! This is a particular kind of hell that I never anticipated as I have no familial experience - my older sister died before she went through menopause, my half-sisters never had any symptoms, my mother had a hysterectomy at 40-something, and my grandmother - well, who knows ? - you could have stabbed that woman in the eyeball and she wouldn't have complained about it, so who knows what she went through ? I think I'm going to follow the advice I got from Fried Green Tomatoes and get myself some hormones !!! If Jessica Tandy tells you something you know it has to be right...

 

Lordy, Lordy - the stories here are INSANE ! The passive/aggressive siblings and in-laws, the blatant gift-grabs, the unrepentantly greedy rug rats and their equally greedy parents, the holiday "rules" - this is why I don't like holidays !!! It takes saint-like patience to put up with the stuff you guys have been talking about, so kudos to you for not ending up in a Federal prison for getting all stabby at Christmas dinner ! 

 

As a child I was always anxious about the holidays looming because my dear dad always worked crazy overtime and was barely home and my psycho mother was extra psycho during that time, but somehow things always came together by Christmas. My favorite part was always my dad bringing home some of his older bachelor friends from his time in the Navy during the Korean War - they were always my "Uncles" - and, yes, I know that sounds creepy, but I swear it wasn't !!!

 

As for gift-giving, here's my take - I think it's good for people to have some idea of what their relatives' kids want for Christmas, but those demand-y lists that are submitted like an order at a warehouse are just unconscionably rude to me ! Not happy to say that my stepchildren, with the blessing of the entire family except for ME, used to EMAIL lists to people ! As the step-parent I wasn't "allowed" to interfere, because they "weren't my kids", and it still chaps my ass to this day ! Ugh. 

 

In the spirit of lists for the holidays, I'm attaching the infamous Thanksgiving Letter from the insane hostess Marney - hope you enjoy it as much as I did - it goes a loooong way to making my family seem almost normal !

 

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

[bigskygirl]

On the subject of insomnia and lack of sleep. I use my CPAP machine every night. I still have bouts of insomnia, nights I sleep halfway decent, or I wake up early, take off the CPAP mask (yes, I know naughty, naughty,) and I then have some strange dreams. Last week I had a dream or should I say nightmare about the Duggars. This morning I had a dream about my brother-in-law (husband's only brother) who died two and a half years ago. I think stress and the blood pressure med are playing a part of it.

 

I do remember my in-laws deciding to pick names for Christmas and the grownups should buy presents for the grandchildren one year without asking the hubby and me about it. We were not happy about it. It cost more money to send the presents out of town or state than the present itself, and no, we did not buy presents for the nieces and nephews. I would rather help people down on their luck, animals, and veterans before buying presents for my family or the in-laws. My husband suggested buying gift cards instead, and his one sister had a fit. Needless to say, we were not asked to join in the pick names and buy presents idea anymore. Luckily, the closest in-laws live 400 plus miles away. My family live closer, but they know I will not put up with their crap.

 

Today I took my Medicaid application to the county assistance office. I was told in August I had apply for Medicaid and disability with assistance by the hospital's MASH program public benefits advocate. Imagine my surprise last week when I called the office and found out they did not have my application in their system. I decided to take the paperwork in myself to make sure the office got it. The one case worker said it look good about me being accepted. The state changed the rules about people applying and being accepted, so my chances are good. I am not too thrilled about the possibility of having Medicaid, but I need to apply for it so I can get financial assistance for medical bills.

 

And to top it off, my blasted printer decided to die last night. It will cost $189.99 for a new printhead and ink cartridges. Sorry, but this will cost more than the printer did. So now we are looking at a new printer. We are also under a winter storm warning or watch starting tomorrow afternoon. Up to six inches of snow and below zero wind chill temps. We usually get a cold snap and snow right before or right after Thanksgiving. Got to love Montana.

[Missy Vixen]

SomePity1066, hot flashes suck. Menopause sucks. The only good thing about it is that one does not have to deal with a period each month anymore.

 

The Thanksgiving Letter: If I did not know better, I would say it was written by a member of our family. ;-) And I had a few bachelor "uncles" too that were actually members of our family. I miss them.

 

Imagine the stories we'll all have on Friday. ;-)

[BrianJ62]

On the subject of insomnia and lack of sleep. I use my CPAP machine every night. I still have bouts of insomnia, nights I sleep half way decent, or I wake up early, take off the CPAP mask (yes, I know naughty, naughty,) and I then have some strange dreams. Last week I had a dream or should I say nightmare about the Duggars. This morning I had a dream about my brother-in-law (husband's only brother) who died two and a half years ago. I think stress and the blood pressure med are playing a part of it.

Cpap didn't work for me, I have central sleep apnea.

[Love2dance]

Kalamac, Happy Birthday!

Leighroda, Congratulations on your graduation!

Happyfatchick, please don't ever stop your sharing....rants, worries, or adorable family stories. I know many of us look so forward to them. You just warmed my heart with the story of your grands' generous gift decision. And what wonderful news about your mom today. Hope the hospice visit went well.

[NEGirl]

OMG - the holiday stories!  I consider myself lucky - both my family and I have never had those problems. We can certainly argue about other things but we have no problems on holidays. I hope no matter where you all are you all have a nice thanksgiving.

[BrianJ62]

With the upcoming Christmas season I wonder which of Santa's lists (naughty or nice) the Duggars are on?

1. Josh - Naughty

[CherryMalotte]

I have caused some major problems with all of my in-laws for opening my mouth

 

Please come to my house for X-mas.  I celebrate with my own ever dwindling family on X-mas Eve, then X-mas day we go out to eat for breakfast, and then come home and laze around.  I stopped going to any of that in law stuff, it was unbearable.  If you look up passive aggressive in the dictionary, all of my husband's siblings are there.  It was fine when the kids were little and they did a grab bag, but now they are older and could give a rat's ass.

 

That list shit would drive me nutty.  

[Love2dance]

.

I have a small holiday delimma myself. Given that my family is now just myself and my 2 siblings, both of our parents passed away and grandparents passed away many years ago, none of us have children so we don't really treat Christmas a whole lot differently than a birthday, we get each other 1-2 presents but that's pretty much it. It's totally ok, it doesn't bother me, but it really bothers my best friend... A few years ago they invited me to Christmas, it was so nice of them but honestly it's really awkward to be a guest at someone else's Christmas. I've told my friend point blank no, so I'm not leaving at "I'll think about it" but I haven't given her the specific reason other than my siblings. I know if I tell her the present thing she'll say they don't care if I get them presents, but I would feel terrible getting gifts and not having anything to give anyone else, that's a lot of the fun of Christmas to see how happy it can make people. All of that to say, I'm starting to get really annoyed, but then I feel bad the thing I'm annoyed about is that my best friend wants to spend a holiday with me.

(edited)

I think you have already given them the best, and most honest reason. You SHOULD be with your siblings for the holidays if you want, and profuse thanks for the most generous offer is all that is needed from you. They should understand.

[XinaMarie]

My mother demands a list in July because she wants to get it all done before Thanksgiving and then she never buys anything you put on the list. She buys everything at thrift stores and she just buys things she thinks are nice and then tries to figure out who to give it to. It is all bass ackwards. Consequently, we'll open a gift and none of us have poker faces --- so it is all WTF? and then she says, "Oh didn't you say you wanted a thingamabopper? Oh it must have been..." and then she names a sibling not in the room. Then later we ask each other, no one wanted the thingamabopper. And then mom tries to say it must have been her friend that wanted one. Ok, mom.

She also uses old shoe boxes, appliance boxes, cereal boxes, tubes, etc. to wrap her gifts in. My poor husband got suckered into thinking he was getting what was really in the box way too many times. I am not lying when I say, I am genuinely shocked when I actually get what is written on the side of the box. I think my mother hid a Home Depot gift card in a box of fruit snacks once. She goes so far as to open the flaps and then reglue them down so it looks like it wasn't open. He threw the box away unopened because no one likes fruit snacks in our house. In the confusion my mother never noticed he didn't open it. She tries to be clever, but she out-clevered herself on that one.

She is also a quantity is better than quality person, so a 5 pack of underwear is wrapped individually, etc. That might work when you are three, but when you are 43, not so much. She finally decided the stress and schlepping of things back and forth across state lines was too much and she is going to write checks to all the parents to buy what they want for our kids and then write her name on it. I can live with that. My daughter does not play with toys on her own and needs a lot of guidance. I have to be very specific about the types of things she can developmentally play with or else it will just get broken or unused. I don't want them to waste their money.

As for me, I'd rather not get gifts. Being together is the gift.

Oh and we aren't even to Easter yet...she buys candy on clearance and keeps it for the next year to put in baskets. She makes very elaborate beautiful baskets, but the candy is gross. One year she stored the candy in the back of her car trunk along with a gasoline can. All the candy tasted like gasoline! She insists on making even her adult children baskets. It takes her weeks and it is a whole thing and it stresses her out. One of my more outspoken siblings told her not to make her one and she got mad because we don't appreciate her efforts. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. I really don't need any more excuses to contribute to my descent into obesity, quite frankly.

Edited November 24, 2015 by XinaMarie

[kalamac]

3 times a year I have this exact conversation with a coworker:

Her: I don't know what to get mum for her birthday/mother's day/Christmas. She never liked my presents.

Me: why don't you just ask her what she wants.

Her: I can't ask her, I want it to be a surprise.

Clearly that's not working out if her mother always hates the gift, but she won't just ask or buy her a gift card because she deems them 'impersonal'.

I love gift cards, because to me it says, you're not sure what I want or need, but you want to be sure I'll get something that makes me happy.

[theredhead77]

And to top it off, my blasted printer decided to die last night. It will cost $189.99 for a new printhead and ink cartridges. Sorry, but this will cost more than the printer did. So now we are looking at a new printer. We are also under a winter storm warning or watch starting tomorrow afternoon. Up to six inches of snow and below zero wind chill temps. We usually get a cold snap and snow right before or right after Thanksgiving. Got to love Montana.

HP Envy 4500 is a perfectly fine printer for normal home use. It's often $49.99 at multiple locations, not just a Black Friday deal.

Don't pay extra for their ink program or maintenance. Printers are disposable now. Though if you have a Costco membership I'd recommend getting one there and keeping the receipt - if it dies within 2 years they'll refund the money and you can buy a new one.

 

http://www.officedepot.com/a/products/143228/HP-Envy-4500-Wireless-e-All/

[bigskygirl]

Sad news. My step father-in-law died. He was driving somewhere when he had a massive stroke. He was able to take his foot off the gas to avoid hitting other vehicles, but he did hit a pole head on. My husband is looking at leaving town Friday to head up to Wolf Point. He might be able to attend the funeral in TN or stay in Wolf Point and take care of his two nephews while his sister goes to the funeral.

[kalamac]

Sorry for your loss bigskygirl.

[wilsie]

I'm so sorry for your loss, bigskygirl.  Peace to you and your family.

[Wellfleet]

3 times a year I have this exact conversation with a coworker:

Her: I don't know what to get mum for her birthday/mother's day/Christmas. She never liked my presents.

Me: why don't you just ask her what she wants.

Her: I can't ask her, I want it to be a surprise.

Clearly that's not working out if her mother always hates the gift, but she won't just ask or buy her a gift card because she deems them 'impersonal'.

I love gift cards, because to me it says, you're not sure what I want or need, but you want to be sure I'll get something that makes me happy.

 

In my family we all LOVE gift cards. They're perfect for people like us. Massively-picky. Because of gift cards, we each get a very nice present that we can pick out ourselves and we give very nice, appreciated presents too. Without having to truck out in bad weather, tramp through stores, stand in lines, worry that we're getting the wrong size or wrong color for someone. We usually don't even have to wrap the cards since many comes with very festive little envelopes. It's win-win for us all. 

[CherryMalotte]

I love love love gift cards!  I think it's fun to get a bunch of Barnes & Noble or Amazon cards, plus it's a break for my poor husband, who is a lousy shopper.  I could give him a list of five things, which store, what aisle, what shelf and he'd still be lost.  This way I can get what I want, how I want, and when I want, because I tend to keep a few of the cards thru the year.

 

Very sorry for your loss bigskygirl.  

[BrianJ62]

Sad news. My step father-in-law died. He was driving somewhere when he had a massive stroke. He was able to take his foot off the gas to avoid hitting other vehicles, but he did hit a pole head on. My husband is looking at leaving town Friday to head up to Wolf Point. He might be able to attend the funeral in TN or stay in Wolf Point and take care of his two nephews while his sister goes to the funeral.

Sorry for your loss.

[Love2dance]

So sorry for your loss, BIGSKYGIRL. Sending sympathy to your family.

[Micks Picks]

What?  You mean there is no comparing the amounts.  Like I gave you one for 100 bucks, AMEX, and I only got one for $50 from Target?  I can just see that going on.  Or putting money in an envelope and seeing how you make out.  Maybe avoid being the last one to open the envelope because you'd never get a chance to adjust the amount in their envelopes, upwards or downwards.  No, I can see this as a downer.

[Absolom]

I am truly, truly blessed with relatives it seems.  My mother and I will go stay with one of my daughters.  That daughter called this afternoon while making her shopping list to make sure we will have food on hand for breakfast and lunch for my mother and me Tues and Wed and dinners we both can eat those nights.  There will be meat and plentiful vegan dishes on Thursday and Friday.  We get two Thanksgiving dinners with several of the same attendees at both.  Friday will be at a vegetarian household but they once a year cook a boneless turkey breast in honor of those who want it.  The only caveat is we need to remove the leftovers when we go.  This year his parents are visiting so no need to even do that.  We try to keep it simple and just provide enough food so that everyone has plenty to eat.  This year I'm taking the wine. :) 

 

So sorry bigskygirl.  Thankfully he didn't hit any other cars.

Edited November 24, 2015 by Absolom

[theredhead77]

So sorry bigskygirl! 

[Readalot]

Bigskygirl, please accept my condolences.

[NEGirl]

Bigskygirl - I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers to you and your family.

[RedPonyDriver]

I'm so sorry Bigskygirl. Gentle hugs and love and prayers.

[GeeGolly]

Sorry for your loss Bigsky..Hugs for you and yours.

[MargeGunderson]

My sympathy to you and your family, BigSky. Similar situation with my great uncle but it was a heart attack.

[lookeyloo]

Sad news. My step father-in-law died. He was driving somewhere when he had a massive stroke. He was able to take his foot off the gas to avoid hitting other vehicles, but he did hit a pole head on. My husband is looking at leaving town Friday to head up to Wolf Point. He might be able to attend the funeral in TN or stay in Wolf Point and take care of his two nephews while his sister goes to the funeral.

Sending sympathies to you and your family, BIgskygirl - so sorry to hear.

[crazycatlady58]

My thoughts are with you and your husband

[Catlyn]

So sorry to hear this, Bigskygirl. My condolences to you and family.

 

I love the different stories of holidays. My family was a big jumble. No rhyme or reason, When we were young, we picked names. My mom tried to be organized and if she saw something she knew we liked and no birthdays were close she'd get it and save it. Sometimes that wasn't so good as she'd forget where she'd place it to be safe. I remember getting clothing in Summer that was obviously bought in fall or winter, but she had to bring it out before we out grew it!  My dad was the one with the real plans for the holidays. When we were overseas, he'd have one of his bachelor co-workers call us up and pretend to be Santa. He'd prep them on stuff so Santa knew enough about us to really give us a scare! And when the call came in, Mom and Dad were there!  He said he usually picked someone who was missing family, so it gave them a kick during the holidays too.   He was great at hiding gifts (and unlike Mom remembered where he hid them.) and loved to trip us up. One year we found our gifts in a locked closet. Come Christmas, there were the toys, but they were a bit different. On a marionette, she had the same dress but it was a different color, a doll had lace on her underwear, that wasn't there the first time. Things were just different enough to cause some second thoughts. 

 

ETA: 

I really thought grands were mentioned, so I apologize for that misconception.

Happy, pun intended? 

Edited November 24, 2015 by Catlyn

[amitville]

I have reached my quota of positive votes for the day - Noooooooooo.... !!!

 

I'll catch up with y'all later, promise  ;)

 

Anyhoo, what a board today ! You guys are making me laugh, cringe, cry, feel angry, and feel grateful here. First, thanks to one and all for the hot flash advice ! This is a particular kind of hell that I never anticipated as I have no familial experience - my older sister died before she went through menopause, my half-sisters never had any symptoms, my mother had a hysterectomy at 40-something, and my grandmother - well, who knows ? - you could have stabbed that woman in the eyeball and she wouldn't have complained about it, so who knows what she went through ? I think I'm going to follow the advice I got from Fried Green Tomatoes and get myself some hormones !!! If Jessica Tandy tells you something you know it has to be right...

 

Lordy, Lordy - the stories here are INSANE ! The passive/aggressive siblings and in-laws, the blatant gift-grabs, the unrepentantly greedy rug rats and their equally greedy parents, the holiday "rules" - this is why I don't like holidays !!! It takes saint-like patience to put up with the stuff you guys have been talking about, so kudos to you for not ending up in a Federal prison for getting all stabby at Christmas dinner ! 

 

As a child I was always anxious about the holidays looming because my dear dad always worked crazy overtime and was barely home and my psycho mother was extra psycho during that time, but somehow things always came together by Christmas. My favorite part was always my dad bringing home some of his older bachelor friends from his time in the Navy during the Korean War - they were always my "Uncles" - and, yes, I know that sounds creepy, but I swear it wasn't !!!

 

As for gift-giving, here's my take - I think it's good for people to have some idea of what their relatives' kids want for Christmas, but those demand-y lists that are submitted like an order at a warehouse are just unconscionably rude to me ! Not happy to say that my stepchildren, with the blessing of the entire family except for ME, used to EMAIL lists to people ! As the step-parent I wasn't "allowed" to interfere, because they "weren't my kids", and it still chaps my ass to this day ! Ugh. 

 

In the spirit of lists for the holidays, I'm attaching the infamous Thanksgiving Letter from the insane hostess Marney - hope you enjoy it as much as I did - it goes a loooong way to making my family seem almost normal !

 

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

Great post of the morning.   

Sad news. My step father-in-law died. He was driving somewhere when he had a massive stroke. He was able to take his foot off the gas to avoid hitting other vehicles, but he did hit a pole head on. My husband is looking at leaving town Friday to head up to Wolf Point. He might be able to attend the funeral in TN or stay in Wolf Point and take care of his two nephews while his sister goes to the funeral.

I am so sorry sending hugs to you and your husband.  

[Lemur]

I've told my friend point blank no, so I'm not leaving at "I'll think about it" but I haven't given her the specific reason other than my siblings. I know if I tell her the present thing she'll say they don't care if I get them presents, but I would feel terrible getting gifts and not having anything to give anyone else, that's a lot of the fun of Christmas to see how happy it can make people. All of that to say, I'm starting to get really annoyed, but then I feel bad the thing I'm annoyed about is that my best friend wants to spend a holiday with me.

 

If she's your best friend, "No" should just be enough.  If she needs more, just tell her the truth - you're just not feeling it.  You appreciate the offer she and her family made, but you're having your own kind of Christmas this year.  It's sweet that they think of you in that way, but you need to do Christmas your way.  It's your holiday too.  

[Lemur]

Sad news. My step father-in-law died. He was driving somewhere when he had a massive stroke. He was able to take his foot off the gas to avoid hitting other vehicles, but he did hit a pole head on. My husband is looking at leaving town Friday to head up to Wolf Point. He might be able to attend the funeral in TN or stay in Wolf Point and take care of his two nephews while his sister goes to the funeral.

 I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Porkchop]

Leighroda ... I have two different friends who want me to spend holidays with their families. I love them both, and I'm fond of their families, but I am not happy to be the lone non-family person at a big gathering. Everyone there has lots to say to every other person, but I have to struggle to remember what I know about the ones I only see on holidays. Lunch with two or three of them, a visit to the home of a friend's brother and wife, a movie with a couple of sisters ... those things are totally fine. But I am not able to explain this to my friends without hurting their feelings.

 

Besides that, I am now living in a situation with a huge population of active singles. I'm loving it. I'm new here, but already there is always something to do, someplace to go, something to sign up for ... and I know that I will build a "family" here over time. I really don't want to miss a holiday here! (How lucky am I!)

 

[pinkie]

bigskygirl - I'm so sorry your family has had such distressing news. 

[BrianJ62]

bigskygirl its never easy to lose loved ones especially near or during the holiday seasons, I lost my dad on 12/6/11. My thoughts and prayers with you and your family and friends.

[barbedwire]

BigSkyGirl - I am so sorry!  I hope your husband can travel safely there.

 

PorkChop - sounds like you are living in an amazing place.  How fun!

 

Hi everyone.  Having a pretty good morning myself after being lied to by a relative.  Holidays and the "F" word - family.