XinaMarie

My guess is that maybe he had life insurance and they wouldn't pay out for suicide, so he did it this way to make sure his wife was provided for? There must be something for law enforcement to jump to the suicide conclusion rather than the voluntarily missing conclusion.

Popping in to say hi, if anyone remembers me. I still kibbitz every few months though I don't post very often. I've taken up a time consuming hobby, I've started listening to podcasts for entertainment during the day, and my sweet baby angel takes up the rest. I admire the emotional generosity of this community. This is a constant. Also I want to extend my sympathies to everyone with health issues. It make me feel very fortunate to have minor aches and pains. There is too much suffering in this world...and this board!

A ringing endorsement if ever I have heard one! I'll try to stay awake next time.

Did anyone watch I am Homicide last night? It came on twice and I fell asleep in the middle of it both times. Actually I am pretty sure I didn't get past the girlfriend being interviewed and the mom being notified. My impression is that I liked the detective. What were people's impressions of the show. Was the case itself any good? oh and the show with the gurrrrrls from Ohio...my BIL is from there. There is a serious opiate pill/heroin addiction problem in that area. And prostitution, being one, sleeping with them and seeking them out does not seem like a taboo thing. You should read a topix board from that area. Your eyebrows will disappear into your hairline. My sister and their three children were living there until last year. I was afraid for their children. There just seemed like a dearth of normal, drug-free, employed stable people there for my sister to socialize with and the kids to play with. They got their air conditioner stolen, flower pots stolen, garden hose stolen, and my favorite ---a bag of aluminum cans. My sister chased the lady down in her car and demanded them back!

I'm in Houston. It isn't bad in the city itself, but areas all around are bad. My husband works in the city and my daughter goes to school and therapy there and we have had no problems getting around. My friend in Brenham got flooded, people in The Woodlands and Cypress areas (north) and in Ft. Bend County, especially Rosenberg (south) where the Brazos is overflowing. My husband discovered a thrift store I had never been to (I am a junker thrift store, garage sale enthusiast) in Rosenberg and I finally ventured down Wednesday to check it out and the sheriff had several cars and a blockade set up so no one could go down the road. So I had to turn back around and go home. The news clips of all the cattle swimming trying to find dry land is very sad. They had to kill off the cows the last couple years in Texas because it had been so dry, they didn't have enough hay to feed them. And now they are all drowning because it is so, so wet. This weather is crazy. I am sick and tired of the rain. Especially since my daughter is home for her summer break. She and a friend went swimming for about 20 minutes before they couldn't take it anymore because it is so cold. Then we went to a playground and I had to douse them with mosquito repellent and then wipe everything down with their swim towels. Staying inside with her crazy ADHD is not happening. If she isn't moving constantly, we are both miserable.

I swear I just saw Holgie playing the suspect's aunt on the 2/11 episode of Murder Book on ID Network. It is not listed in her credits on IMDB.

Not HFC, but I have a lot of experience with this product. My daughter had a feeding tube until last fall. She still coughs after she drinks water because she has a delayed swallow. There is Thick It and another product called "Simply Thick" which is a gel product. They talk about using it to get to a "nectar consistency" or "honey consistency" as examples of the thick and thinness the patient will tolerate. From my experience Thick-It is not supposed to have a flavor, but it sort of does. I only have experience with the powder version. It is supposed to dissolve into the liquid and disappear. She preferred the Simply Thick. It seemed pretty tasteless and did a better job of not adding flavor.

Missy Vixen, does the baby have NEC? This is a common micropremie problem. My daughter was a 25 weeker and fortunately, it was one of the few things she never got. Probably because she was on TPN instead of breast milk for the first week or so of her life. The intestines are not fully working yet and have trouble pushing food through, infection sets in and parts of the intestine necrotize. I highly recommend a book called "Preemie Parents Survival Guide to the NICU." It is a reference book not meant to be read through from cover to cover. Doing that will scare your socks off. Read sections that pertain to the baby to understand what is going on as the need arises. My husband and I had our own copy and my best friend went out and bought herself a copy so that she could understand all the medical jargon I was throwing at her. I am praying the baby makes it. I know several preemies that had NEC and are able to eat, drink, and eliminate waste normally once they get past it. Nothing is more terrifying than having a sick infant in a hospital. You are afraid to fall asleep and you dread phone calls. The anxiety and fear are crippling. The best advice I could give to friends is not ask what you could do for them. Just take it upon yourself to help and do something nice. If they are spending a lot of time at the hospital, their home life may be crumbling. Walk their dogs, mow their lawn, bring them meals, bring in their mail...make it easy for them to concentrate only on loving their baby. The minimum stay for a preemie this size will be around 3 months. They want them to stay to when their due date was supposed to be, able to feed, maintain their body temperature and breathe safely while riding in a car seat (no positional apnea -- my daughter failed her first "car seat challenge" and we had to try again a few days later). Weight doesn't seem to be an issue as long as they are gaining. I have seen 4 pound babies go home.

My MIL was the good daughter that saw her mother through her Alzheimer's. She moved her mother and father from Arizona in their declining years and she took care of her father while he was sick first and then later when her mother was dying. She has two other sisters. One of them is an egocentric "Christian." (My husband and I stayed at her and her husband's house when we went to go see the Nebraska/Notre Dame game years ago and spent their entire time witnessing to us and making snide comments about my Catholicism.) Once her mother was in a home, the older one came down once to visit and the younger one maybe once every 5 or 6 years. My MIL was at the home 3 or 4 times a week visiting with her, talking to the staff, bringing her mother clothes, eating dinner with her. etc. When she was dying the younger one did come down, the older one did not. When they buried her, the younger one came down, but the older one did not...but two of her children did. Anyway, my MIL's mother had nice things (multiple sets of fine china, silver settings, hummels, llardros, waterford, etc. They were high society where they lived. MIL held on to these nice things for years and years in her own home and had monthly storage fees for off site storage. She did not want to get rid of anything of her mother's while she was still alive because it seemed disrespectful. And of course the sisters were making claims to all sorts of things. The older sister did come down one time to visit her mother, but it was really to pick up a set of china she wanted. Mostly they wanted MIL to ship things to them. If you ask me, she deserve to liquidate the estate so that she could get money to take care of her mother, since she was footing about 90% of the bill. The others would give money when asked, but she had to ask. We live in the same town and my husband never went to go see his grandmother either, so he is just as bad, but he isn't making demands on her stuff and he was there when she was dying. When I had my premature daughter (1 lb. 4 oz.) I was a little afraid of what his commitment to seeing her in the hospital would be. She was there for 11 months total. He was there every night even though all she did mostly was sleep and we rarely got to hold her. Please take care of yourself HFC. The caregivers and the toll it takes on them are often the ones forgotten about. These long term medical situations are marathons and unless the cross is yours to bear, you are thankful you aren't the one carrying it and go about your merry way. I found out who my real friends were that I could depend on. I am now the primary care giver for a special needs child who will never be independent and whom I have to plan for for years well beyond my expiration date. The same MIL above has been very unhelpful to me. I guess she is done helping and now it is time for her to have her season in life to relax and enjoy. Anyway, the people that I can count on are very few and far between, but little by little I am collecting a group that cares about me, but also include and accept my daughter. I feel like I am rambling, but it is hard to care for others if you neglect yourself. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first! And when I figure out how to do it, I'll let you know.

This reminds me of the San Francisco dog mauling case that Kimberly Guilfoil was a part of on the prosecutor's team. Those dogs were a menace on numerous occasions and the owner did not have control of them. The owner ended up on murder charges. Do you have animal control in your area or an HOA? Those might be good places to start with. It is not fair that you have to live in terror. My parents live in a neighborhood and part of the country where leash laws are not taken very seriously. But animal control was called several times when the dog would get out of the back yard into my parents' yard and terrorize the kids and other dogs. My BIL had to punch the dog in the face to keep it away. The only difference between these scenario and yours is that they are inside and she does leash him. They may not be able to do anything. Oh, oh, oh! My sister lived in an apartment complex with someone who got early release for murdering his girlfriend by strangling her with a telephone cord. And he had a big, mean, nasty dog that would growl at her dog whenever they were around each other. You think she ever uttered a peep? She just steered clear until they could move away. Ever seen those Fear Thy Neighbor shows? If I had the means to move, I would.

We are up in the hill country of Texas at my in-law's weekend house for the holiday with 12 people staying here. Yes, it is as hoity toity as it sounds. It got cold and rainy for up here and one of the HVAC units stopped working the day before everyone arrived. The in-laws freak out when there is the least amount of cosmetic damage to anything. They call someone to come right out and fix it. They had an AC company come out and look at it and declared that they needed an entire new unit. It is only 7 years old. The guy then told him he would send out a comfort analyst the next day. COMFORT ANALYST. How hilarious is that title? The comfort analyst is a slick salesman that convinces you to buy the most expensive unit they offer apparently. We spent one night in this house without heat and let me tell you, it was the most comfortable night sleep here of my life. They keep it on high broil at all times upstairs. Anyway, so the comfort analyst comes out the next day and they start installing the unit that afternoon and finished up the next day. It was the most amazing service I had ever seen, but from the slick presentation I was eavesdropping and heard, he paid out the ass for it. My in-laws have no dollars or sense, but they want everyone to think they have this perfect life and they are in debt, debt, debt. It is all a house of cards. He is 75 years old and cannot retire. They are tip toeing into turning this place into a bed and breakfast and renting out on dates when we are not here, which is a lot. Their close neighbor has asked if they would rent to their adult daughter/husband/friends for a week in February. Each sibling (3) has their own bedroom with a full bath and we have all of our personal belongings in there. No one bothered to tell us this was happening, I just overheard that it was. Uh, maybe you should let us know so people are aren't using my hairdryer, shampoo, q-tips, medicine etc. and people have space for their things in the closet and dresser? The siblings all furnished the rooms with our own art, furniture, decor, and bedding. I understand that financially it has come to this for them, but sheesh. I am pretty sure it was not mentioned because that would be embarrassing for them. I break out into a cold sweat when I forget to pay a bill. I cannot imagine this ponzi scheme lifestyle they lead, I would have to be taking xanax everyday from the anxiety of it all. And I know lots of people live paycheck to paycheck through no fault of their own, but this is entirely of their own making.

We are currently feeding our dog Buffalo Blue (Senior Formula). We switched him from Science Diet several years ago which is what the breeder fed him as a puppy before we got him. We had been warned about tummy upset by switching food. I am told you can do it gradually by mixing the new food in with the old and gradually increasing it. My dog eats every kind of food. It really is amazing. We leave the bowl out all day and his kibble is there usually until late evening. I always say he is holding out for a better offer. Kibble is his last resort! Bananas are the only human food he looks at me like I am kidding. He does not eat inedible things thank goodness or else intestinal blockage would be the next thing. Anyway, never heard of the Surf and Turf. Asta eating prime rib scraps is what almost killed him. We think our dogs are fancier than they really are!

I gave my dog pancreatitis or something verging on pancreatitis the other night and I almost killed him. I was cutting off fat scraps from a steak and he is a world class beggar so I gave them to him. I thought when peoplesaid it was "not good for him" I thought it was just bad for his diet and could make him fat. Then he started having trouble breathing and he was shaking uncontrollably for several hours. Luckily my close friend is the vet tech at his veterinarian's office and she ran over with some meds to help me at 11:30PM! What an awesome friend. He rallied and was back to his old self a day and a half later, but I really thought he was going to die and I would have no one to blame, but myself. I used to be an old softie and give him handouts all the time, but I have learned my lesson.Only senior adult dog food for him any more. He is 10 years old and I would never forgive myself.

Women really are the social glue that keep families together. They do it through upholding these traditions, keeping in touch, and you know, making an effort. My husband is a horrible communicator with me and with his own family. I never know what is going on with him or them or what they are doing. I guess it is because I always assumed I would get my information from him, I don't feel very close to them at all. There are two girls and one boy. The girl keeps in very good contact with the family and Mr XM's brother lives very close to her so they keep in contact with each other. His mother and father live about 10 miles from us, but we never see them. I think it is weird. Anyway, I suppose I should have become the communicator with them, but I am kind of a phone phobe. Compare that with my family. There are 5 girls. We communicate and tell each other everything. We have an email group and we talk about our home improvement projects, things the kids do and say, what we bought at the store, vacations we are planning, etc. We offer advise and ask advice. We are each other's cheerleaders. All of this I am sure has to do with my parents' parenting style, but to keep it together as adults, there has to be someone making an effort to keep it all together with opportunities to visit and communicate. I just think women will go to the effort and care more. Or maybe we are conditioned to do this. I guess I am realizing it now, but I feel like I am the one that puts out the most effort. Maybe that is because I am the oldest. We host a beach get together for a few days every year and Christmas at our house. I used to call a family member every day to chat while I drove in to pick up my daughter from school (half an hour drive) and I realized I was always doing the calling and no one ever picked up the phone to call me to chat. So as an experiment, I stopped calling. And I was right. No one called for two months. It kind of popped my bubble and it made me pretty sad to realize that apparently I need them more than they need me.

I guess I am a martyr because I totally agree with all of the above, but I play the game anyway. Big time. I have done it so many years in a row that I have the timeline on what and when to do it all worked out and it goes smoothly, but it is a lot of hard work. I start preparing a month before everyone gets here with shopping, wrapping and decorating because then I have to go into buying all the food and prepping the menus. And cleaning out the fridge and the pantry to accommodate all the groceries I need for 13 adults and 8 children from 12/22-12/27. For three years in a row my mother has wanted to go caroling --- which is another activity that has to be organized by picking out songs and getting copies of the sheet music together -- and I have blown her off due to the sheer embarrassment of it all. So this year I invited some friends over who are ringers to help sing, so it turned into a party. So a party in the middle of entertaining my family so my mother can get her caroling dream. It was such a success she wants to do it again next year. Sigh. Everything is very organized until my sister who is closest in age to me leaves. She comes before Christmas and leaves Christmas eve. After that the wheels fall off the bus because her husband is the kitchen cleaner and she is my personal assistant who keeps me on point and organized to tackle the next thing. My other sisters are helpful but it isn't the same. My mother over promises and under delivers. She likes to find thing to do out of the house and stays lost for hours because she cannot take all the screaming and crying of the little ones. She totally checks out at Christmas. She hosts Thanksgiving, but after that she is done. Luckily, she writes me a check to underwrite some of the cost of the food because I am feeding a platoon and even though I shop sales and use coupons (more added stress I put upon myself) it still is very expensive. That one BIL is the only male that does anything the entire time they are here, my brother, father, husband and two other brothers in law do nothing. I was struggling to get my child in bed and Mr XM told me he would take care of cleaning up the kitchen. At 10:00 PM Christmas eve I come out to a full pan of lasagna, dishes everywhere, cookies out, cups and empty cans all over the family room. He was asleep in a chair. So I cleaned everything and then put out the gifts and went to bed at 1:00 am. I was up at 5:30 when the first kids got up. My mother was in charge of breakfast and made some coffee cake, but took the quiche out of the freezer and put it on top of the counter. I finally had to pop that in the oven as it was apparent she was never going to do it. No way to eat an egg ice cube. I kept complaining about my feet and how tired I was and all I got was mocking from him. We saw Christmas lights, had a visit with Santa, hosted a Christmas caroling party, had prime rib and smoked turkey with mashed potatoes, green beans and spring mix salad with raspberry vinaigrette and blue cheese crumbles, signature cocktails made for every night, a karaoke night for the kids and adults, and yes the damn holiday scented hand soaps which we plowed through because we have so many hands to wash. I want the magic and I am the only one with enough oomph to make it happen. I am very tired and would love more than a day and a half to recuperate, but now we have to go out of town to Mr XM's parents' place for New Year's. That is no vacation at all either for various reasons. I am so busy hosting, that I barely get a chance to sit and enjoy the company. Next year Mr XM says he wants to spend it with his family and I was mad at the suggestion. In some sick way, I must enjoy all of this.