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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet


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I’d like to wish all of you wonderful people a safe and happy Christmas this year.  There’s a lot going on...loss, grief, disappointment, sickness, covid, etc...  still, I hope that we are able to capture the spirit and enjoy some moments in 2020.   Our family is not gathering for any celebration or meal....it’ll be just a few of us in the immediate family having a special meal and prayers.  I’ve been hearing from quite a few of my friends who are traveling and celebrating the same as always....l don’t get it, but pray for their safety.  
 

Here’s one of my favorite Christmas songs.  Jose recently performed this iconic song on Fallon and it blew me away! Omg....he’s just as good.  Incredible.  

 

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On 12/23/2020 at 9:00 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

I’d like to wish all of you wonderful people a safe and happy Christmas this year.  There’s a lot going on...loss, grief, disappointment, sickness, covid, etc...  still, I hope that we are able to capture the spirit and enjoy some moments in 2020.   Our family is not gathering for any celebration or meal....it’ll be just a few of us in the immediate family having a special meal and prayers.  I’ve been hearing from quite a few of my friends who are traveling and celebrating the same as always....l don’t get it, but pray for their safety.  
 

Here’s one of my favorite Christmas songs.  Jose recently performed this iconic song on Fallon and it blew me away! Omg....he’s just as good.  Incredible.  

 

Jose has aged well, I remember my baby sis sang this song with her kindergarten class at the school Christmas program 40+ years ago.  She sang it around the house many, many times a day for weeks.

Here's a parody for dog lovers that is kinda stupidly funny.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=fleas+on+my+dog+song&docid=608021912014556933&mid=7B9A1DF5FCF9A4A329777B9A1DF5FCF9A4A32977&view=detail&FORM=VIRE

Edited by doodlebug
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So yesterday we got my dad enrolled in hospice. He fell twice on Friday, was just "not looking right" on Saturday and required two people to get him out of bed, and the regular nurse pulled the night shift Sunday night and had the day staff call my sister (she has POA) first thing to say it was time for hospice. So she called me and woke me up and that was how I started my week. It is the right thing and it may straighten out some of his issues by prying him away from his quack doctor who throws drugs at him whenever he visits but still, having to enroll your only surviving parent in hospice is not really the best way to start X-mas week. F*#k you, 2020.

He was reportedly able to get himself to meals without help today and was talking to himself en route (a mixed blessing as it may well have been hallucinations he was speaking to but if he feels okay...). He hasn't seen his girlfriend in 10 months and she called the facility looking for details on him. We asked them not to divulge much because she is kind of akin to his quack doctor and we do not want her influence in this situation. I feel a little bad about that but she used to be his caregiver at the facility and was discovered giving him a blowjob in his room and that is how my sister and I found out he had a girlfriend. (She was fired immediately. And they reimbursed the money we paid for her to take special care of him because that was not the kind of special care we meant.) So we have concerns about her judgment.

Anyway. Thanks for reading.

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Merry Christmas to you who celebrate! And if you don’t enjoy the day off and relax at home. Where else can you go? 

 

Its going to be bad weather tomorrow so stay home will be easy.

 

Wonder woman is coming to HBO on 12/25 and I can’t wait.

 

Happy holidays!

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Wow, @jcbrown. That’s so...festive? 

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this stuff with your father on top of everything else. The last few months of my mother’s life were like that, with the falls and the phone calls. It’s so hard to know what you can do, even if it weren’t for Covid.

I send you a hug.

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22 minutes ago, jcbrown said:

So yesterday we got my dad enrolled in hospice. He fell twice on Friday, was just "not looking right" on Saturday and required two people to get him out of bed, and the regular nurse pulled the night shift Sunday night and had the day staff call my sister (she has POA) first thing to say it was time for hospice. So she called me and woke me up and that was how I started my week. It is the right thing and it may straighten out some of his issues by prying him away from his quack doctor who throws drugs at him whenever he visits but still, having to enroll your only surviving parent in hospice is not really the best way to start X-mas week. F*#k you, 2020.

He was reportedly able to get himself to meals without help today and was talking to himself en route (a mixed blessing as it may well have been hallucinations he was speaking to but if he feels okay...). He hasn't seen his girlfriend in 10 months and she called the facility looking for details on him. We asked them not to divulge much because she is kind of akin to his quack doctor and we do not want her influence in this situation. I feel a little bad about that but she used to be his caregiver at the facility and was discovered giving him a blowjob in his room and that is how my sister and I found out he had a girlfriend. (She was fired immediately. And they reimbursed the money we paid for her to take special care of him because that was not the kind of special care we meant.) So we have concerns about her judgment.

Anyway. Thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry about the situation with your dad. *hugs* I think you and your sister are making a good decision about excluding the girlfriend from the situation. Does his current staff know why you don't trust her? In my family a couple of years ago, we had a weird family situation that created some complications with who had power to make medical decisions. The situation was overtly weird enough for one of the staff members to ask me at 3 am when I'd snuck into the ICU to check on the unconscious relative in question what was going on between her and her daughter, and I didn't give a lot of details but just enough to confirm that there was a very nasty estrangement. After that, the medical staff was really good about running interference when it needed to be done until the hospitalized relative was able to come to. 

I don't think you'd need to tell them all of the details/reasons, but just letting them know that you have justifiable reasons to exclude her and also ensuring they know that she has no actual entitlement to have an influence. 

Edited by Zella
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9 minutes ago, Zella said:

I'm so sorry about the situation with your dad. *hugs* I think you and your sister are making a good decision about excluding the girlfriend from the situation. Does his current staff know why you don't trust her? In my family a couple of years ago, we had a weird family situation that created some complications with who had power to make medical decisions. The situation was overtly weird enough for one of the staff members to ask me at 3 am when I'd snuck into the ICU to check on the unconscious relative in question what was going on between her and her daughter, and I didn't give a lot of details but just enough to confirm that there was a very nasty estrangement. After that, the medical staff was really good about running interference when it needed to be done until the hospitalized relative was able to come to. 

I don't think you'd need to tell them all of the details/reasons, but just letting them know that you have justifiable reasons to exclude her and also ensuring they know that she has no actual entitlement to have an influence. 

Thank you. I recognize that one of the things I really crave in this situation is other adults to validate my choices so your comments actually mean a lot to me. Yes, the staff is very discrete but they were there when their colleague was fired for her spectacular lack of judgment so I think they completely agree with our choices. I mean, the administration  was glad we only talked to the police and didn’t sue when this all happened...

Edited by jcbrown
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2 minutes ago, jcbrown said:

Thank you. I recognize that one of the things I really crave in this situation is other adults to validate my choices so your comments actually mean a lot to me. Yes, the staff is very discrete but they were there when their colleague was fired for her spectacular lack of judgment so I think they completely agree with our choices. I mean, the administration  was glad we only talked to the police and didn’t sue when this all happened...

I totally know what you mean--I like having that confirmation too. One of those things where you're like, "I don't think I'm being crazy, but can someone else chime in and confirm?" 

I didn't realize it was the same facility, so yeah I bet they do appreciate the fact it didn't end in a lawsuit, and I'm sure they have their own stories about her. 

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28 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Wow, @jcbrown. That’s so...festive? 

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this stuff with your father on top of everything else. The last few months of my mother’s life were like that, with the falls and the phone calls. It’s so hard to know what you can do, even if it weren’t for Covid.

I send you a hug.

Yeah, sorry. This week has been A Lot. Thank you.

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I love all you small talk friends, but I won’t be joining you on the feet thread. Ewwww.  😂😂

But I do want to send all of you hugs and wishes for as lovely a holiday week as possible. Hopefully, in 2021 we will have some happy adventures to share.

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@jcbrown, I'm so sorry you have such a situation to deal with on top of the decision to put your father in hospice. I know having to make that decision is impossibly hard because it puts an endtime to things, in a way,  and we never want to think that the end is coming. I think you will find that the hospice workers will be a great help and comfort to you and will take great care of your father. I think you are making the right decisions with regard to taking care of and protecting your father, please don't second guess yourself. 

I will keep you and your family in my prayers as you and your father take this walk together. Much love and many virtual hugs to you and your father. And, as always, we will all be here for you anytime you need to talk.

Janet

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@jcbrown, I don't want to hijack the discussion, but three years ago yesterday, my wonderful uncle (aged 98) went into hospice. We didn't have the complications and restrictions of the pandemic, and I'm so sorry that your family does. The hospice staff are - amazing. It was a Christmas that by the nature of events was family focused. We knew that my uncle, who had been in heart failure for awhile, was ready to go, and hospice provided so much care and respect for him and all of us, and such a peaceful environment. He died two days after Christmas. His ashes are buried in a handsome bronzed container which is a box topped with a worn pair of cowboy boots and a hat and coiled rope; a perfect thing one of his grandsons found. (I told a story about his cowboy boots the other day here.)

Edited by Jeeves
I decided to remove the photo of the box; it just feels too personal. Sorry.
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8 hours ago, jcbrown said:

So yesterday we got my dad enrolled in hospice. He fell twice on Friday, was just "not looking right" on Saturday and required two people to get him out of bed, and the regular nurse pulled the night shift Sunday night and had the day staff call my sister (she has POA) first thing to say it was time for hospice. So she called me and woke me up and that was how I started my week. It is the right thing and it may straighten out some of his issues by prying him away from his quack doctor who throws drugs at him whenever he visits but still, having to enroll your only surviving parent in hospice is not really the best way to start X-mas week. F*#k you, 2020.

He was reportedly able to get himself to meals without help today and was talking to himself en route (a mixed blessing as it may well have been hallucinations he was speaking to but if he feels okay...). He hasn't seen his girlfriend in 10 months and she called the facility looking for details on him. We asked them not to divulge much because she is kind of akin to his quack doctor and we do not want her influence in this situation. I feel a little bad about that but she used to be his caregiver at the facility and was discovered giving him a blowjob in his room and that is how my sister and I found out he had a girlfriend. (She was fired immediately. And they reimbursed the money we paid for her to take special care of him because that was not the kind of special care we meant.) So we have concerns about her judgment.

Anyway. Thanks for reading.

You are so right, it is so difficult to make the decision that it is time to call in hospice.  But it is an extreme kindness  to your loved one. Hospice can provide services, support, and even equipment that will make your father and the family much more comfortable.  Prayers for you in this difficult time.

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21 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

Women’s feet are mostly ok 🙂. Men’s need to be covered!

Yes, but I hate that society expects women to have pedicures, but men are free to throw on sandals and move about freely despite their nasty feet. I enjoy a good pedicure, but I'm fearful of them since my friend got a horrible fungus issue from having one. Anyway, these days it seems that women are expected to wear sandals only if they've had a professional pedicure. In the olden days, we could just have clean feet with neatly trimmed nails that we painted ourselves!  

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jcbrown, hugs to you and your sister. Hospice is such a hard decision but you are doing the right thing. It sounds like the perfect environment for your dad at this moment and I hope it gives you a little peace of mind that he is surrounded by extremely competent and caring professionals. Seriously, hospice workers are angels. 

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1 hour ago, BetyBee said:

Yes, but I hate that society expects women to have pedicures, but men are free to throw on sandals and move about freely despite their nasty feet. I enjoy a good pedicure, but I'm fearful of them since my friend got a horrible fungus issue from having one. Anyway, these days it seems that women are expected to wear sandals only if they've had a professional pedicure. In the olden days, we could just have clean feet with neatly trimmed nails that we painted ourselves!  

And while I’m at it, what’s up with the fact that men’s shoes ALWAYS come in multiple widths but women’s are most often “B” and that’s it???  I had wide, very high-arched feet at birth and now, thanks to years of dance lessons and then high heels in corporate life, my feet are a misshapen mess. I am always looking for sandals that disguise the front part of my feet. But it’s amazing how even brands that crow about comfort (Lands End, LLBean, Keen, Bare Claws, I’m looking AT YOU) only offer one width. Even running shoes, for pity’s sake. I’ve worn New Balance for years even though they don’t last very long because it’s so hard to find extra-wide shoes.

And this concludes my festive rant on the sexism and cluelessness of shoe manufacturers everywhere.

Merry Christmas Eve!

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JcBrown, I’m sorry to hear of your father’s decline.  I think hospice is an excellent idea.  I’ve heard that hospice is for when you need more care and attention.  That’s what happened when I called them for my cousin, that I cared for.  It can have a very positive impact on the patient and their family. Everyone is different, but my cousin lived for quite a long time after she went on hospice.  Still, I know it’s stressful for the family.  

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11 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

And while I’m at it, what’s up with the fact that men’s shoes ALWAYS come in multiple widths but women’s are most often “B” and that’s it???  I had wide, very high-arched feet at birth and now, thanks to years of dance lessons and then high heels in corporate life, my feet are a misshapen mess. I am always looking for sandals that disguise the front part of my feet. But it’s amazing how even brands that crow about comfort (Lands End, LLBean, Keen, Bare Claws, I’m looking AT YOU) only offer one width. Even running shoes, for pity’s sake. I’ve worn New Balance for years even though they don’t last very long because it’s so hard to find extra-wide shoes.

And this concludes my festive rant on the sexism and cluelessness of shoe manufacturers everywhere.

Merry Christmas Eve!

I've actually had better luck with men's shoes for this reason. I have a pair of wide women's combat boots that fit my feet, but I often have better luck with men's sizing. Depending on the brand, sometimes I don't even need a wide in a men's shoe, though I could never wear a non-wide women's shoe.

Edited by Zella
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33 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

And while I’m at it, what’s up with the fact that men’s shoes ALWAYS come in multiple widths but women’s are most often “B” and that’s it???  I had wide, very high-arched feet at birth and now, thanks to years of dance lessons and then high heels in corporate life, my feet are a misshapen mess. I am always looking for sandals that disguise the front part of my feet. But it’s amazing how even brands that crow about comfort (Lands End, LLBean, Keen, Bare Claws, I’m looking AT YOU) only offer one width. Even running shoes, for pity’s sake. I’ve worn New Balance for years even though they don’t last very long because it’s so hard to find extra-wide shoes.

And this concludes my festive rant on the sexism and cluelessness of shoe manufacturers everywhere.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Try SAS shoes. We have a lot of water and a few www widths.  The are good but pricey handcrafted her in Texas.

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37 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

And while I’m at it, what’s up with the fact that men’s shoes ALWAYS come in multiple widths but women’s are most often “B” and that’s it???  I had wide, very high-arched feet at birth and now, thanks to years of dance lessons and then high heels in corporate life, my feet are a misshapen mess. I am always looking for sandals that disguise the front part of my feet. But it’s amazing how even brands that crow about comfort (Lands End, LLBean, Keen, Bare Claws, I’m looking AT YOU) only offer one width. Even running shoes, for pity’s sake. I’ve worn New Balance for years even though they don’t last very long because it’s so hard to find extra-wide shoes.

And this concludes my festive rant on the sexism and cluelessness of shoe manufacturers everywhere.

Merry Christmas Eve!

I got really wide feet and wear men’s sneakers/boots because I can actually find my size in a store. I bought about 20 women’s flats/oxfords etc from Payless when they closed. Their shoe quality  was not good but I could find women’s shoes that fit for work. 
 

I am jealous of women who have cute/tiny feet. 

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Zappos has a lot of cute options in multiple widths for women. My favorite brands are Clarks and Softwalk (because I fluctuate between a Medium and Wide width). My Mom’s feet are very swollen due to her injuries, so last Xmas I got her men’s house slippers in a 10 W and she loved them, I did find women’s house slippers but none of them were in a mule style which is what she wears. 

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10 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

I am jealous of women who have cute/tiny feet. 

Me, too. My mom and sister, both size 7 1/2. Lucky bitches.

As long as I’m just babbling, I have found the world’s best diet aid. Netflix started airing “The Great British Bakeoff” holiday specials and while I do admire their civility, lovely accents, and the extraordinary effort they put in, the actual products make me never want to eat sugar again. Two episodes and all I can think about is a steak and a glass of water. Maybe some broccoli. 🤢

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2 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Me, too. My mom and sister, both size 7 1/2. Lucky bitches.

As long as I’m just babbling, I have found the world’s best diet aid. Netflix started airing “The Great British Bakeoff” holiday specials and while I do admire their civility, lovely accents, and the extraordinary effort they put in, the actual products make me never want to eat sugar again. Two episodes and all I can think about is a steak and a glass of water. Maybe some broccoli. 🤢

When I watch British bake off all I want is sweets! I bought a box of eclairs and a box of chocolate covered cream puffs... I’m eating 2-3 a day straight until 1/1/2021. My sugar addiction is badddd. 
 

I knew a girl with 5.5 size feet her shoes looked like toy shoes. Well she was not even 5 feet tall too. I wish I was that petite. Sadly took after my sperm donor side of the family aka sturdy with big clown feet and bad hair. Bitter Debbie that’s me. 
 

 

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@jcbrown-I'm so sorry to about your father.  Please remember to take some time for you, and most importantly, be kind to yourself.  You will be in my thoughts. 

I just wanted to drop by and wish you all a happy holiday season, and say thank you to everyone.  This year just sucked.  But, knowing there was a group of friends who would just listen when you needed to vent, has been one of the best things of 2020.  Please know that I appreciate each and every one of you, and I am so grateful to 'know' you.  I hope you all have an enjoyable, safe, and peaceful holiday.

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Tiptoeing my fat toe on my tiny foot into the shoe convo. I too have narrow heels, but I have a smaller foot. My problem is stores usually have 1 or 2 of my size in any given style, so unless I hit the store at the right time they're gone. Online they almost always have my size, but unless its a sneaker (because laces) or a shoe I've worn before, I don't like ordering online.

I'm the youngest of four and when I was little my older siblings got penny loafers. I wanted them so badly. I don't think I was even in school yet, but my mom finally said yes. Off we go to the shoe store. First they didn't have any in my size and then we were told even if they ordered them my heels were too narrow.

Yes, I remember this some 50+ years later.

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jcbrown - thinking of you and your sister.  Not easy over the holidays or any other time of the year.  I'm hoping that your dad has a quick and peaceful hospice journey. 

Ya know what I'm going to enjoy this holiday finally getting here and getting over with in a way - I'm effing sick of the Elf crap on the Shelf.  I have a niece that is doing it for her child which is sweet but I DON'T need to see a zillion photos of it plastered on social media.  Just a couple pictures, and call it a day.  Her poor kid looks tortured after awhile because she makes him stand there and smile while she takes tons of pictures, and they are all the same!  Why?  Makes me happy that my kiddle was little before all this cell phone camera and social medial constant shit. 

My best wishes to you all during this holiday season.  May we all have a much better and brighter new year.

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@jcbrown I'm so sorry about your dad. I add my thoughts and prayers to everyone else's.

We've had a nice cozy day inside here. It's been raining all day, so it's been fireplace on, snuggle on the couch and watch TV day. Except for trying to get the dogs to go out. Ugh. 

Merry Christmas eve! 

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8 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Tiptoeing my fat toe on my tiny foot into the shoe convo. I too have narrow heels, but I have a smaller foot. My problem is stores usually have 1 or 2 of my size in any given style, so unless I hit the store at the right time they're gone. Online they almost always have my size, but unless its a sneaker (because laces) or a shoe I've worn before, I don't like ordering online.

I'm the youngest of four and when I was little my older siblings got penny loafers. I wanted them so badly. I don't think I was even in school yet, but my mom finally said yes. Off we go to the shoe store. First they didn't have any in my size and then we were told even if they ordered them my heels were too narrow.

Yes, I remember this some 50+ years later.

Penny loafers were all the rage when I was about 12. Mama took me to the best shoe store in town. One we rarely shopped in because it was the most expensive.  I still remember kindly Mr. Chandler explaining that I could never wear penny loafers because of my narrow heel. I had to get bulky clunky old saddle oxfords.  I was so disappointed.  Luckily just a few years later, saddle oxfords became all the rage again,so for a while I got to be stylish,  at least for school. I have never been able to find dress shoes though that fit my feet and are stylish. I have suffered through church services, weddings and funerals all my life. Now just wear what is comfortable.  Aching feet are just not worth being stylish. 

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1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

Tiptoeing my fat toe on my tiny foot into the shoe convo. I too have narrow heels, but I have a smaller foot. My problem is stores usually have 1 or 2 of my size in any given style, so unless I hit the store at the right time they're gone. Online they almost always have my size, but unless its a sneaker (because laces) or a shoe I've worn before, I don't like ordering online.

I'm the youngest of four and when I was little my older siblings got penny loafers. I wanted them so badly. I don't think I was even in school yet, but my mom finally said yes. Off we go to the shoe store. First they didn't have any in my size and then we were told even if they ordered them my heels were too narrow.

Yes, I remember this some 50+ years later.

Narrow heel here too - a lot of shoes slip right off!

1 hour ago, CherryMalotte said:

jcbrown - thinking of you and your sister.  Not easy over the holidays or any other time of the year.  I'm hoping that your dad has a quick and peaceful hospice journey. 

Ya know what I'm going to enjoy this holiday finally getting here and getting over with in a way - I'm effing sick of the Elf crap on the Shelf.  I have a niece that is doing it for her child which is sweet but I DON'T need to see a zillion photos of it plastered on social media.  Just a couple pictures, and call it a day.  Her poor kid looks tortured after awhile because she makes him stand there and smile while she takes tons of pictures, and they are all the same!  Why?  Makes me happy that my kiddle was little before all this cell phone camera and social medial constant shit. 

My best wishes to you all during this holiday season.  May we all have a much better and brighter new year.

Haha I collect naughty elf on the shelf memes and post them around Christmas. Here was one I posted on fb today.

 

A7C872A9-7BE8-41D8-A37E-B5DB1570BACD.jpeg

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I got so busy before Thanksgiving and then my cousin passed away that I was delayed a little on the tree decorating.  I did end up putting up several though for my mom and myself.  Our themes were more on the playful side this year. 
 

 

26DF9E4A-D8DC-4329-B0E1-E3ADB31ACC4B.jpeg

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Thanks, everyone. This is such a remarkable community. Dad had a good day yesterday--was able to walk to meals by himself (they had him in a wheelchair over the weekend). My sister and I will try to connect with him by phone tomorrow (video doesn't work because he can't really see much). I hope that he can stay in his memory care facility for the remainder of his life but at least it's good to know there is a "hospice house" where he might be able to go if/when he needs more care.

My sister and I have plans to open presents over video conference tomorrow after we (hopefully) connect with Dad. She is single and lives alone so I want to be virtually present for presents with her.

Happy holidays to everyone. This is such an improbably special group.

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