S05.E11: Back To Square One

[greekmom]

Quote

Gino prepares to meet Jasmine's mother; Hamza worries about Memphis' relationship with her ex-husband; Ximena gives Mike an ultimatum; Kim and Usman's relationship takes an unexpected turn for the worst.

First Look: 2/25/22;  Full Episodes: TLC: 2/27/22 & Discovery Plus: 2/27/22

[MagicEyes]

Ben’s pecs are really uneven. 

[Frozendiva]

So we had the morning after of the Poseidon adventure. Er, uh, that would be Kimbaaaaaly and Usman. So much cringe. On a shallow note, Kimberly's eyes looked like she had two shiners. Maybe she can get some concealer or something to deflect the dark circles and bags. We didn't need the you're my boyfriend chatter, or what went down or not that night. TMI. My poor eyes and ears.

Then we moved to Peru. Ben is putting self tanner on his chest and talking about his modelling. And meeting Mahogs on the Boardwalk. She seemed a bit more lively this day. No idea if her interest is real or what. Or what the religious plans are. The Universe does destine interactions but has no idea what a relationship is - that is a human construct. They may have karma together to resolve or this is a whopper of a karmic lesson for Ben.

In the you guessed it department, Gino went outside the little cabin and rescued Toothy the Toothbrush. It just needs a new head, or maybe a hat. Whatever. He also found one of Jasmine's fingernails and was keeping it as a souvenir of her. She wanted a t shirt of his to keep as a souvenir - Jasssie, keep the hat. They are leaving the island a day early and will go to meet her mother the next day.

[magemaud]

1 hour ago, Frozendiva said:

Ben is putting self tanner on his chest and talking about his modelling.

I’m firmly convinced that Ben’s “MUA” (“make up artist” to those of us who are not cool enough to get the acronym) deliberately gave him glitter bronzer to make him look like even more of an idiot. 

Gino saving Jasmine’s fingernail “to remember her by” is right up there on the Creepy Scale with Paul’s mother giving him a clump of hair she cleaned out of her brush. 

Edited February 26, 2022 by magemaud

[Persnickety1]

11 hours ago, MagicEyes said:

Ben’s pecs are really uneven. 

To match his eyes.

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

Omg Gino's pens and fingernail and Ben's fake g f  in a situation I cannot parse out. This is the best show on television and the distraction I need. 

[1011101010001]

Asshole Ben tied his shoe on the bed ffs.

He has never had empanadas or ceviche and thinks ketchup is spicy.  Vanilla man.

 

[Tuneful]

I think Gino steals dozens of pens from hotels, hitting up housekeepers and the front desk. But regifting the toothbrush thrown outside —eww! Saving someone's fingernail—ewwwww! I’m surprised Jasmin doesn’t run for the hills, except they are both committed to staying on the franchise and she's committed to a green card. At least these two crazies take each other off the market for now. Counting down to the NEXT screaming fight in 3, 2, 1.

For Kimbaaaly, there are no words. She acts like a preteen. Usman woke up looking like he was on Death Row. There’s no enthusiasm in his “relationship” talk. I could have done without her discussion of “African” sexual techniques.

“Mahogany” is a fake and may even be American. Ben: there’s no fool like an old fool. Jesus don’t expect you to be no fool… He decides to wear his long-sleeve compression polyester shirt to show off his torso, going to the beach (hot) after he played with bronzer makeup. Dude, you ain’t all that. Any man who works out regularly and watches his diet can look like you, or better. And I bet those men don’t leave their disgusting sweat and germs all over the gym equipment, and and lingering Eau de B.O., by going shirtless. "I'm from America, ketchup is as spicy as I get." What an idiot. America is full of spices from indigenous and immigrant traditions.  

 

Edited February 28, 2022 by Tuneful

[1011101010001]

50 minutes ago, Tuneful said:

I could have done without her discussion of “African” sexual techniques.

I was waiting for her to say something ignorant about savage or the jungle.

52 minutes ago, Tuneful said:

And I bet those men don’t leave their disgusting sweat and germs all over the gym equipment, and and lingering Eau de B.O., by going shirtless.

Housekeeping is going to love the glitter bronzer all over the white towel.

[greekmom]

All I have to say about the preview is the 80s after sex music they played intro'ing Kim and Usman.

I swear she thinks she is having sex with MJ.

[Jeanne222]

Usman was able to have wonderful African sex many times and not one hair out of place in the morning!  Amazing  

Had I woke up next to scary as hell looking Kimbally  I would have run out the door and jumped over the railing. 
 

Kimbally can’t be 52 years old. She act’s like a 13 year old teen. Sorry if I offended any teens. 

[Persnickety1]

I was so hoping Ben wouldn't have noticed the glitter and would have gone out into the bright sunlight shimmering like a character out of Twilight.  

Which led me to wonder just how in fresh hell he managed to actually buy bronzer with glitter to begin with.  Did he buy it in America where it certainly would have clearly indicated it was sparkly?  Did he buy it in Peru and did the sales person have a giggle over a grown assed man buying bronzer with glitter?

I think I spend too much time wondering what is going on in these people's minds.  I should know not to expect any logical explanation for most of the shit they do.  

This one is for you, Ben, from one of my favorite movies:

 

Edited February 27, 2022 by Persnickety1

[Tuneful]

8 minutes ago, Persnickety1 said:

Which led me to wonder just how in fresh hell he managed to actually buy bronzer with glitter to begin with.  
 

He said his "MUA" gave it to him. IIRC, a producer asked him and he said Make Up Artist. (As I cue "You're So Vain.") 

[Persnickety1]

2 minutes ago, Tuneful said:

He said his "MUA" gave it to him. IIRC, a producer asked him and he said Make Up Artist. (As I cue "You're So Vain.") 

I'm assuming his "MUA" got quite a chortle when Ben walked out with that glitter bronzer.  

I mean, surely that makeup artist must have known that shit was full of glitter, right?  

Maybe because I think Ben is a disgusting piece of work, but I like to think the makeup artist wanted Ben to look like a fool 😂

[Mrs. Hanson]

I need to watch this again as I must have missed a lot.  I watched the whole thing on D plus but it was early.   Mahogs brought Ben to what was clearly a Airbnb.  I would have asked to see her bedroom and opened the closets to see zero clothing in there.  Mahogs lied about HER age, too.  Mahogs parents bring the best facial expressions in a long time.

Oh Memphis Tennessee........"Look, dear Hubby of mine:  Back in 1987 I stayed on my former boyfriend's couch.  Actually we banged three times that night because, well, sometimes you just gotta get it, right?  We didn't meet as adults until 2011 but for some odd reason I need to tell you about it then beg for forgiveness."

Kim - ugh - you sound like the /11 year old I work with.  Yet you are in your 50's.  Two things:  What the hell happened to you at age 13 that caused you to be emotionally 14 now?  And why are you on this show?  You have made it VERY clear you don't want to get married, so why are you on a show with the word FIANCE in it?  Oh wait......

 

4 hours ago, greekmom said:

All I have to say about the preview is the 80s after sex music they played intro'ing Kim and Usman.

I swear she thinks she is having sex with MJ.

Because she does?

 As it has been stated before, she got some great therapy.  She is still with him as a way to punish him as that is all she knows.

Madame X and Mike - oh Lordy.  Dude, she is just not that into you.  Those poor kids.  

[Pimming Swool]

So much cringe!  

• Ben slowly inching towards realizing things don't add up.  Mahogany and the parents all have the look of actors trying to keep the improv scene going.
• Usman's thousand-yard gaze the morning after, while also dropping enough love kernels to keep the hustle going.
• Oh, Mike...the translation wasn't needed to pick up on Ximena's disdain.  I love when a translator is pulled out for important conversations - it always fails spectacularly.  

[magemaud]

Ben needs to accept the fact that he has the kind of skin that just doesn't tan! He'd look better with a spray tan to even out the ruddiness than trying to slather on that bronzer. I'm surprised his MUA didn't suggest it. 

[Frozendiva]

He was using a glove so I assumed it was some sort of self tanner.

[bravofan27]

On 2/26/2022 at 12:10 AM, magemaud said:

I’m firmly convinced that Ben’s “MUA” (“make up artist” to those of us who are not cool enough to get the acronym) deliberately gave him glitter bronzer to make him look like even more of an idiot. 

Gino saving Jasmine’s fingernail “to remember her by” is right up there on the Creepy Scale with Paul’s mother giving him a clump of hair she cleaned out of her brush. 

Ben really thinks with his wonky eyes, splotchy skin, and horrible hair that looks like pubic hair waiting for a brazillian that anyone believes he is a model? No wonder he has a MUA-- he needs one!

[1011101010001]

18 minutes ago, bravofan27 said:

Ben really thinks with his wonky eyes, splotchy skin, and horrible hair that looks like pubic hair waiting for a brazillian that anyone believes he is a model? No wonder he has a MUA-- he needs one!

He looks like Ralph Malph.

[nutella fitzgerald]

Kimbally is probably in hog heaven watching Ben with his one glove for bronzer application. Since Ben is about as close to Michael Jackson as Usman.

Who hates Mike more, Ximena or his translator? And can anyone clarify if it’s normal to put your children to sleep in bed with your boyfriend on the second occasion they meet? I thought it was odd with Deavan and Drascilla and it still makes me feel a little icked out here.

[JeanJean]

23 hours ago, Tuneful said:

America is full of spices from indigenous and immigrant traditions.  

 

Not to mention whole cuisines! We love food from other countries.

2 hours ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

 

 

Edited February 28, 2022 by JeanJean

[JeanJean]

Ximena is being honest with Mike so at this point it's pretty much on him if he keeps spending money on her.  I feel bad for him that he's sad, but you can't get much more honest than, "I don't love you."

That preview was so painful to watch.

Edited February 28, 2022 by JeanJean

[1011101010001]

17 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

Ximena is being honest with Mike so at this point it's pretty much on him if he keeps spending money on her.  I feel bad for him that he's sad, but you can't get much more honest than, "I don't love you."

That preview was so painful to watch.

He needs to just join a square dancing club or something in his town.  Find an average local wife to match his average local self.  
 

Imagine how bored Ximena would be at his house.  She doesn’t speak English, she doesn’t seem like much of a reader, and the local taverns are unlikely to be open all night.

Edited February 28, 2022 by MrBuhBye

[FurBabyMama]

I I feel kinda shook… 2 good decisions in this episode. Mahogany renting an air B&B and passing it off as her own, and Jasmin sending her kids to her dad because she doesn’t want them meeting Gino until she knows she wants to marry him. 

[Adeejay]

“It’s difficult to trust someone you met online” said catfish Mahagony.  That woman is such a hypocrite. I would bet good money that was the first time she set foot in that apartment, because she didn’t seem to know her way around.

I have a feeling the producers told Memphis to tell Hamza about spending four days with her ex-husband, in order to stir up drama.

[Nickieca]

Did anyone else notice Mahog’s  parents weren’t wearing wedding rings, I think they are all actors...except for Ben...what an idiot. 

[monagatuna]

1 hour ago, Nickieca said:

Did anyone else notice Mahog’s  parents weren’t wearing wedding rings, I think they are all actors...except for Ben...what an idiot. 

I didn't notice this, and I do think this whole thing smells funny but apparently Peruvians wear wedding rings on the right hand.

I'm American and occasionally leave it off. I also don't wear it when I'm doing outdoorsy things, or replace it with a silicon band, so the absence of a ring on the left fourth finger doesn't mean anything. There were, of course, glaring issue elsewise.

[Back Atcha]

6 hours ago, MrBuhBye said:

 She doesn’t speak English, she doesn’t seem like much of a reader, and the local taverns are unlikely to be open all night.

She'll be modeling!  She won't need to speak English, read, or stay out late at night.

[greekmom]

Ximena and Mike. Comeon people, we saw the writing on the wall from the first day. Mike's father and grandfather saw it. His friends saw it. Mike just needed to get on POF or Eharmony or join some club that interests him to get a woman. He could have travelled within the US and gone to conventions for Lego to find a woman a woman that suited him (and spoke English).  Ximena screamed gold digger from even before the show started.  But she is a crappy gold digger.  Heck even Tim (from Tim and Veronica) admitted he's bought women a set of boobs here and there.

Memphis and Hamza. I can't believe that the big secret that she told him was that she went to the ex's bc she failed some exams or what not. There has to be more to the story and I believe someone in the thread said she may have wanted to harm herself.  That I can believe but then it really puts Hamza in an awkward position of going on her timeline.  These two are not ready for marriage period.

Kimberly and Usman. I don't want to hear details on the sex. It was like hearing Angela and Michael. Ick!

Gino and Jasmine. Don't care. Another two people that should really think life decisions.

Mahogony and Ben. The guy is stupid. She's lying about her place. Her parents. Who she is.

[Jeanne222]

So Mahogany is 22 and pretends to live alone.  How would she support that lifestyle?

To me she's just a kid playing grown up!  In deeper than she ever imagined.

Yes I think those are her parents.  She looks just like her mom.

I had to wonder if Ben is older than her father?

What an awkward position for all of them!

[Mr. Miner]

12 hours ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

And can anyone clarify if it’s normal to put your children to sleep in bed with your boyfriend on the second occasion they meet? 

Only when they are being used as cock blockers.

[Jeanne222]

Mike wants X because  because she is his fantasy!  He could never get an X to be interested in him in America.  That she ever had sex with the poor guy last visit amazed me but then again he is helping support her lifestyle.

X in more interested in the gangster type of man.  Previous relationships show us who she really is!

[Granny58]

OMG Kimbaaaly....leave your damn greasy hair alone.  

[Pepper Mostly]

28 minutes ago, greekmom said:

Ximena and Mike. Comeon people, we saw the writing on the wall from the first day. Mike's father and grandfather saw it. His friends saw it. Mike just needed to get on POF or Eharmony or join some club that interests him to get a woman. He could have travelled within the US and gone to conventions for Lego to find a woman a woman that suited him (and spoke English).  Ximena screamed gold digger from even before the show started.  

 

I've been saying this for weeks. Mike could go to Bingo or meet a woman at the synagogue. He could go to a pub quiz night or karaoke. He could go to the library or go bowling. He could meet someone. But he wanted a sexy, spicy Latina. I feel bad for him because I don't think he's a bad guy but he is not only stupid, but is seemingly arrogant enough to think he "deserves" a hot woman. Maybe I should put "hot" in quotes too, since I think Ximena is grubby looking and ratchet as fuck. 

[Tuneful]

18 hours ago, magemaud said:

Ben needs to accept the fact that he has the kind of skin that just doesn't tan! He'd look better with a spray tan to even out the ruddiness 

Ben is terminally cheap, e.g., he sits in a restaurant for hours consuming nothing but tap water. If the show MUA won't make him up head to toe (ugh) for free, he's not about to pay for it, even though it's probably cheap there. 

I think Mike needs to get his mojo out of mothballs and get back in the game. Reality though is that not a lot of women will want to take on caregiving of a Dad and Grandpa as well,, and what would she do for a living in that town, etc. It's a depressing prospect for most women. Maybe she could talk him into moving to NYC, Hollywood, Miami, or even Poughkeepsie... but he won't leave his family if they need him. 

J-DATE! Unless he goes burned and bitter after this. 

Edited February 28, 2022 by Tuneful

[greekmom]

5 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

I've been saying this for weeks. Mike could go to Bingo or meet a woman at the synagogue. He could go to a pub quiz night or karaoke. He could go to the library or go bowling. He could meet someone. But he wanted a sexy, spicy Latina. I feel bad for him because I don't think he's a bad guy but he is not only stupid, but is seemingly arrogant enough to think he "deserves" a hot woman. Maybe I should put "hot" in quotes too, since I think Ximena is grubby looking and ratchet as fuck. 

He's Jewish?  Why was he wearing a cross with his black tank top?!?!?  (He was wearing a cross -right??)

Isn't there like meet and greets at synagogues for singles!??!!? Old Jewish grandmas that play matchmakers?

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

When Ximena started whining about her "space" to the guy who'd just spent thousand$ of his own money (actually TLC's money, but still) to come down for an impromptu visit, any self-respecting man would've replied: "No problem. I'll give you thousands of miles of space. Permanently. Starting right now. Have a nice life." But Mike still clings to his Hot Latina fantasy. Ugh.

The only way Usman ever holds a Grammy statuette is if he buys one from a pawn shop or estate sale or somesuch.

Anyone else think that when the cameras are off, Gino regularly cleans Jasmine's feet? And not with his hands, if you catch my drift. Their relationship is just...weird. And LOL at Gino thinking Jasmine will be happy with a cut-rate engagement ring.

[Pepper Mostly]

33 minutes ago, greekmom said:

He's Jewish?  Why was he wearing a cross with his black tank top?!?!?  (He was wearing a cross -right??)

Isn't there like meet and greets at synagogues for singles!??!!? Old Jewish grandmas that play matchmakers?

I didn't know one way or the other but several folks in the live chat pointed out that he's Jewish so wearing the cross was, at the very least, insensitive. 

My guess is that he's not observant and doesn't attend services. Maybe he should start. 

[WahooLAH99]

50 minutes ago, greekmom said:

He's Jewish?  Why was he wearing a cross with his black tank top?!?!?  (He was wearing a cross -right??)

Isn't there like meet and greets at synagogues for singles!??!!? Old Jewish grandmas that play matchmakers?

I think he is wearing a Rosary. Which is not something people usually wear.  I have only seen old school, like back in the day, nuns wear them.

[winsomeone]

I am glad someone finally told Mike the truth, that he is weird. That he was shocked is beyond belief? Surely kids at school while he was growing up, told him that?

[suzeecat]

2 minutes ago, WahooLAH99 said:

I think he is wearing a Rosary. Which is not something people usually wear.  I have only seen old school, like back in the day, nuns wear them.

. . . and Madonna. 

[suzeecat]

One day she's screaming holy h#ll "I hate jou!"  The next it's "Come meet my mama (but not my kids)".  Only on the TeeVee . . . !  If Mama Jasmine comes out and asks Gino to remove his hat, how will he respond???

I can't wait to get more scoop on Mahogany and her wily ways.  How much do you want to bet that Ben forgives her Satan-influenced lies?

[gaPeach]

20 hours ago, Pimming Swool said:

• Ben slowly inching towards realizing things don't add up.  Mahogany and the parents all have the look of actors trying to keep the improv scene going.
• Usman's thousand-yard gaze

I know Mike is desperate for X to marry him but come on!  I bet if he would tell her No Boobs and if she insists, he needs to tell her he is going back to America alone.  His answer to boobs was "maybe".  She isn't even trying to hide the distain she has for him and all she wants is her big boobs for her other boyfriends............er.........modeling job.   He needs to call her bluff. 

Ben is such a slow slug.  The moment she opened the door you could tell it was an RB&B and not her apartment.  Hahahaha the games on the shelve next to fireplace was a dead give away it was rental.  I thought the people playing her parents are also actors.  He kind of deserves it.

Spoiler

I read an article that producers found the actress to play Mahogany for the show.  I find it very plausible.  Not sure the real one could not be found or what but I find it all very fishy.  I don't think Ben is in on it.

 

[JeanJean]

I thought Mike said he was a fireman but now he said he can work from home...??

[Gobi]

17 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

I thought Mike said he was a fireman but now he said he can work from home...??

He’s a volunteer fireman.

[Kath94]

31 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

I thought Mike said he was a fireman but now he said he can work from home...??

He works in IT and is a volunteer fireman.

[Dobian]

Ben: I'm 52 and Mahogany is 24.  Hot!  Whoa she's only 22?  That's weird!

I guess Ben draws the line at 30 years.  Good to know he has standards.

Mahogany is paying for her apartment with her cam girl money.

Ximena: These are my terms.  You will buy me new boobs and support my kids.  We will never sleep in the same bed.  I will not have sex with you.  I will call you names.  I will always look at you like you are something stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

Mike: You drive a hard bargain!

[Mondrianyone]

2 hours ago, greekmom said:

He's Jewish?  Why was he wearing a cross with his black tank top?!?!?  (He was wearing a cross -right??)

His last name is Berk, which is almost surely shortened from Berkowitz, and his grandfather's name is Hyman, which is as Jewish as it gets. I think it's safe to say he's Jewish. I think the wife-beater and cross outfit was his sad attempt to look like the bad boy Ximena goes for.

If I were her, I'd want to get surgery to remove that cockroach that's attached to the side of her face before the boob job.

[Auntie Anxiety]

New Segment: This Week’s Winners and Losers

Winner: Ben’s ex-wife, who will never again be asked why she and Ben divorced because the show erases all doubts

Loser: Jasmine’s fake nail, that valiantly tried to escape from the craziness but couldn’t quite make it all the way into the trash can

Next week: After getting her breast augmentation surgery for her new “modeling” career, Ximena renames herself XXXimena