S13.E05: The Keys to My Heart

[humbleopinion]

Five pairs of newly wed strangers are whisked away to the Florida Keys and begin the journey of learning who they’ve just married; while one groom learns that his bride is very hard to please, another couple’s honeymoon is over before it ever begins.

[ranchgirl]

First day into the honeymoon and if I was Gil, I'd be walking away from Myrla.

[LennieBriscoe]

10 minutes ago, ranchgirl said:

First day into the honeymoon and if I was Gil, I'd be walking away from Myrla.

Funny; I came here to post the exact reverse! Myrla has, in her marriage, shown none of the traits Gil is broken-record stuck on. Lumberjammies are not, e.g., evidence of "high maintenance." So what has been?

Oh, she'd rather a beachfront resort? With this show's budget, I think that's a reasonable criticism. Gil amusing the others by saying Myrla is like a toddler?!  Huge blunder. 

I do not like Ryan, at all. He's "trying to get over" Brett's fear of flying? He would need "a lot" of sunscreen for her?  That had better have been because she's busty, and not because Ryan thinks Brett is fat!

Jose has some control issues. But he and Rachel seem romantically compatible, for sure!

Edited August 19, 2021 by LennieBriscoe

[Crashcourse]

I just tuned in so why isn't Myrla with the rest of the group?  

I just saw the clip of Michaela and Zack.  Too bad about that.

 

Edited August 19, 2021 by Crashcourse

[Retired at last]

8 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

That had better have been because she's busty, and not because Ryan thinks Brett is fat!

I haven't seen the show yet, but my first thought when I read that was because she is so pale. Maybe when I see him actually say it, I will get a different meaning.

[LennieBriscoe]

So Michaela is unhappy because Zack wants to protect her from his  COVID?! Dump her, Z.!

Edited August 19, 2021 by LennieBriscoe

[mythoughtis]

Myrla knew the date of her wedding.  Why did she plan work on her honeymoon? 
She was  also proud of herself for being a whiner. 

Edited August 19, 2021 by mythoughtis

[Crashcourse]

Gil already knows this marriage isn't going to work out.

[Crashcourse]

Myrla:  You are not as hot as you seem to think you are.  

Zack is positive.  Wow.

[Straycat80]

I just tuned in, too bad about Zack having Covid. I would think Brett needed lots of sunscreen because she’s so fair skinned.

[Stardancer Supreme]

Lawd.  Myrla is ... something.  Poor Gil.  She couldn't even go to the pool with him? Who works on their honeymoon, even if its with a stranger? I did chuckle when he called macaroons a "bougie cookie".  She even took off the generic wedding ring!

Michaela, honey.  Zach didn't get COVID on purpose to ruin your honeymoon.  Thank your lucky stars that you didn't catch COVID since you were all over this man since you met.

Edited August 19, 2021 by Stardancer Supreme

[rebel2u]

Poor Gil.  He's 4 days in and already knows he's doomed.

[Straycat80]

Poor Gil. Michaela should have stayed and partied with him. Myrla is a buzzkill. 

[Crashcourse]

7 minutes ago, Straycat80 said:

Poor Gil. Michaela should have stayed and partied with him. Myrla is a buzzkill. 

I know Michaela is attracted to her husband, but she would have jumped Gil's bones.

[absolutelyido]

Myrla happily describes herself as a whiner. She also says that Gil should be taking notes on the things she does and doesn't enjoy so he can adapt. Hey Myrla, What if it turns out Gil doesn't enjoy being married to a whiner. Are you going to adapt to that?

 

 

[Racj82]

Quick antidote.

I put the show on in the breakroom of my job.

The part of the episode where Johnny and Jose were shopping.

One of my friends saw Jose for the first time ever and said

"Hey, did that guy right there with the beard come out of the closet yet?"

[Stardancer Supreme]

Rachel and Jose are still on their best behavior.  The cracks in that facade will show soon enough.

Ryan is pressuring Brett about sex and babies really hard.  Typical of someone using outside things to fill a gaping hole in their personalities.  Ryan needs a therapist.

[Crashcourse]

I'm so distracted by Jose's mouth that I never considered that he might be gay.  I am liking him a little better now, and Rachel is coming off as Debbie Downer.  

[Straycat80]

Did Ryan want to get married just to have kids? 
The picnic with Johnny and Bao was cute. Out of all these couples I have the most hope for them. 

[Crashcourse]

Just now, Straycat80 said:

Did Ryan want to get married just to have kids? 

And what if they're all girls?  Will he get a divorce?

[Stardancer Supreme]

3 minutes ago, Crashcourse said:

And what if they're all girls?  Will he get a divorce?

He was very specific about wanting 2 boys and a girl.  Hope his DNA gives him close to what he wants...

[Crashcourse]

2 minutes ago, Stardancer Supreme said:

He was very specific about wanting 2 boys and a girl.  Hope his DNA gives him close to what he wants...

Yeah, that's why I asked the question.  Of course, the meathead would put the "blame" on her if they're girls.

[humbleopinion]

Rachel/Jose= Rose’

Myrla/Gil=MyGil…just like their namesakes, this will be no pairing

Johnny/Bao= Jbao

Zachary/Michaela=ZMac

Brett/Ryan= Bryan

All works in progress…

[Auntie Anxiety]

This just in—Myrla is such a fucking pill. 💊

[Madding crowd]

Myrla is obnoxious. Why did she want to get married when she hates everything? I couldn’t believe Michaela was angry at her husband because he has COVID and is sick! The man has a fever and chills and she wants him to party and have fun. Johnny and Bao are the only couple where I like both, but he does talk about sex a lot.

[CSunshine76]

Myrla is miserable. I would hate to be around her, she never had anything nice to say. Gil is going to tire of her whining and complaining very soon.

Johnny’s picnic was cute, but he bought a XXL for Bao?! Then they both put on those incredibly wrinkled new shirts? They looked awful.

[Kira53]

1 hour ago, LennieBriscoe said:

So Michaela is unhappy because Zack wants to protect her from his  COVID?! Dump her, Z.!

I was surprised that they agreed that she go back to Houston. Why? I mean I'm really really cautious with Covid and everything but I think I would want to stay and hang out outside 12 feet apart.  Yeah maybe he sent her back because he knows she's crazy and she wouldn't stay 12 or even 6 feet away or break in to the room or something. I mean I don't see it being more fun than Houston but I guess her family is there. Now I think Zack should drop her because she is crazy and unreasonable but he'll have to learn more about her to do that.

[humbleopinion]

 

2 minutes ago, CSunshine76 said:

Johnny’s picnic was cute, but he bought a XXL for Bao?! Then they both put on those incredibly wrinkled new shirts? They looked awful.

They need to tell their field producer no….no idiotic stunts.

Bao and Johnny are both people pleasers….they need to put their collective foot down.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I just tuned in so why isn't Myrla with the rest of the group?  

Gil said she had to work.

Quote

Why did she plan work on her honeymoon? 

She may not have planned it. They only get one week's notice that they are getting married so it's possible there really wasn't someone to cover her clients. She may have been largely on vacation but agreed to check email once a day or respond to urgent messages or something. I've done the same thing in the past. It's part of the consultant gig.

Quote

Johnny’s picnic was cute, but he bought a XXL for Bao?! Then they both put on those incredibly wrinkled new shirts? They looked awful.

He said it was the smallest one they had and I guess he really wanted that particular shirt? The color was really good on Bao. Both shirts needed to be steamed but here's what I thought was so cute... Johnny presents Bad with a clearly oversized, wrinkled shirt that he wants her to wear for their surprise evening out - and she good naturedly puts it on and wears it. I think Johnny's feelings would have been so hurt if she hadn't and I think that she knew that. I could only imagine how Myrla would have turned her nose up at it because it's wrinkled and too big and (in her case) probably not sufficiently pricey for her. Those two are cute together and I really hope it works out for them.

[Adeejay]

Given that his honeymoon isn't going the way he would like, Gil seems to believe it gives him carte blanche to be a busy body and pry into the other relationships.

Rachel and Jose are all over each other, however, I don't think she is as happy as she would have us believe.

Instead of pouting, Michaela should thank her lucky stars that she didn't catch covid.  

Please tell me I misheard and that Bao didn't say that bathing is not a priority.  

[Racj82]

58 minutes ago, Crashcourse said:

And what if they're all girls?  Will he get a divorce?

A lot of people have these dreams of what specific gender their kids will have. It usually boils down to wanting a boy and a girl. It doesn't really mean anything. 

There have been multiple guys on this show hoping for a baby boy and when they found out they were having a girl, they were thrilled. 

[absolutelyido]

25 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

Myrla is obnoxious. Why did she want to get married when she hates everything? 

I can't figure out what her deal is. She's so proud of being persnickety. I'm wonder if she thinks it makes her seem refined or high-class. She's proud of being the picky whiner like Jake was proud of being the 80's guy. 

[buttersister]

Quote

he bought a XXL for Bao

1. Big help you were, Jose.
2. The shop couldn't have folded the tops and avoided all that wrinkling out of a bag?

There must have been a lot of empties scattered around the producers' workroom developing this season.

[Kira53]

1 hour ago, Stardancer Supreme said:

Lawd.  Myrla is ... something.  Poor Gil.  She couldn't even go to the pool with him? Who works on their honeymoon, even if its with a stranger? I did chuckle when he called macaroons a "bougie cookie".  She even took off the generic wedding ring!

Did Myrla call them macaroons?  Macaroons are coconut cookies with chocolate on the top.  They were French macarons, a totally different pastry. https://www.goldbelly.com/laduree/gourmandise-box-of-24-macarons?gclid=CjwKCAjw3_KIBhA2EiwAaAAlig2qWOy7Yj4rYqe_2__kwVfnVyg-UpahnMDRxr8o-NmFDBe-DljJsBoC8P0QAvD_BwE. 

One above criticize Val and Shanii's tops because they were wrinkly. The tops were the linen and linen and no matter how it's ironed it's wrinkly in the summer and the heat. It's one of the ways you can tell a natural fiber like linen or cotton is it wrinkles and synthetics generally don't.  I just don't know how Jose let Johnny by a size XL for Bao.  She was very good-natured about it and wore it anyway where are you know who would've thrown it on the bed or in the garbage because the size was wrong even if the heart was right.

[Stardancer Supreme]

17 minutes ago, Kira53 said:

Did Myrla call them macaroons?  Macaroons are coconut cookies with chocolate on the top.  They were French macarons, a totally different pastry. 

Thanks for the info! I'm just going to call them bougie cookies now. Thanks Gil!

[Jeanne222]

Bao is slowly but surely telling us why she isn't married.  Poor Johnny is trying to get romantic and securely cut that down!  She doesn't shower daily????

Gil is a cool guy.  Myrla better come down off her pearch!

 

[Meowwww]

2 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

Bao is slowly but surely telling us why she isn't married.  Poor Johnny is trying to get romantic and securely cut that down!  She doesn't shower daily????

Gil is a cool guy.  Myrla better come down off her pearch!

 

Right??   Showering every day isn’t her priority.  That wouldn’t fly with me. 
I hope Rachel watches this back and notices the look on her face all the time that makes her look like an idiot.  It isn’t cute. 

[valdawn]

I’ll gladly take your place at your “shitty” honeymoon locale Myrla. Way to make the best of things snob. 
 

ETA: Gil at least acts like he has way more patience for it than I would. I would be over her and her complaining already.

Edited August 19, 2021 by valdawn

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Oh, she'd rather a beachfront resort? With this show's budget, I think that's a reasonable criticism. Gil amusing the others by saying Myrla is like a toddler?!  Huge blunder. 

Yeah, Myrla is a pill but I agreed with her about the choice of hotel.  On one of the intro shots it showed the aerial l view of the place and it wasn't as grand as some of the places in seasons past.  I get it that Covid has restricted them but it's too bad they couldn't find something a little nicer.  

Gil needs to learn to reign in the over-sharing.  That may be his way of working out his understandable frustration but still not cool.

Pastor Cal needs to learn how to pronounce "Isla Bella".  It's IS-la, not EYE-la.

[Adeejay]

6 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

Bao is slowly but surely telling us why she isn't married.  Poor Johnny is trying to get romantic and securely cut that down!  She doesn't shower daily????

So Bao did say that bathing is not a priority. Given that she always looks so clean and neat, that doesn’t compute.

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

I do not like Ryan, at all. He's "trying to get over" Brett's fear of flying? He would need "a lot" of sunscreen for her?  That had better have been because she's busty, and not because Ryan thinks Brett is fat!

Ryan doesn't even look at Brett when he talks.  He looks away.  He only looks at her when silent.  He still can't seem to muster up a smile.  He always looks depressed and socially anxious.  It's almost like Henry but not quite.

Brett can't help being well endowed but she does herself no favors with "her favorite bathing suit" because an 8 inch long cleavage and boobs hanging down to an inch above your navel is just not attractive.  That top made her look really saggy and not in a good way.  Her wedding gown suffered from the same problem.  

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Jose has some control issues. But he and Rachel seem romantically compatible, for sure!

I'm not too progressive to appreciate José's typically male "provider" attitude but he does come across overbearing that way.  On the other hand Rachel needs to learn how to let someone care for her.  Her attitude is too "single".  You have to learn to give and take, care and be cared for.  She has this "everyone for themselves" attitude and that usually doesn't work in a marriage.  To me that looks like a single attitude born from being afraid of being controlled by a man.  So because of that she is afraid to let go of her control over herself even a little bit.  A guy has to feel like you want him to take care of you in some ways otherwise he won't think you appreciate him and he won't be able to show his love for you in tangible ways.

That said, Rachel didn't flinch when he called himself the "head of the household".  That would have bothered me.  My husband has over 30 years on this guy and he would never adopt that kind of old fashioned macho thinking.  Both my husband and I couldn't figure out WTF José was talking about with the bank accounts.  We kept playing it over again.  It sounded like he wanted one joint account that they would each put their money into, then he would pay the bills, then she could spend what was left.  Or something like that. So the lines between their money would be somewhat blurred.  My husband and I keep separate accounts and have one joint account for bills which we both handle jointly.  I think that was what Rachel would prefer and so do I.  So at least your money stays your money and part of it never goes into the shared account so you don't feel like you're on an allowance.  I don't know if her insistence on 50-50 is necessary.  Maybe in the beginning, but there has to be some blurring of that kind of thinking after a while or you never are really a "we".

[Yeah No]

23 minutes ago, Adeejay said:

So Bao did say that bathing is not a priority. Given that she always looks so clean and neat, that doesn’t compute.

At the end of the episode it was all hearts and flowers, grins and hugs between them and then suddenly Bao rips the stylus off the record.  Like I get it that she's self conscious about the snoring but being so hypersensitive to a little obviously affectionate teasing that you don't even want to sleep in the same bed with the person is a little over the top.  Johnny seems very tolerant about these quirks so far but one wonders just how many of them there are and whether he'll eventually tire of having to deal with them.

[ECM1231]

The beach ball substitute for Myrla, complete with big eyelashes, had me in stitches.

[qtpye]

1 hour ago, absolutelyido said:

I can't figure out what her deal is. She's so proud of being persnickety. I'm wonder if she thinks it makes her seem refined or high-class. She's proud of being the picky whiner like Jake was proud of being the 80's guy. 

I find it strange that a woman who is very particular about every aspect of her life would happily let strangers (sorry, experts) pick her spouse.

[JocelynCavanaugh]

We all knew where Rachel was going within two seconds when she launched into the soliloquy about “my father once told me, he said to me, about in the future… when I am grown, if I am to become married… and if I am married and the man decides, if that man, who I married at my wedding, chooses to leave me... if he leaves and we are no longer then married… then what I should therefore… what will I then this, if the man does would leave me…” OMFG GET THERE. WE KNOW. “Go to school. Be able to support yourself. Spring for the good insurance. Life is unpredictable.” This is not a unique insight. Again, I call BS on the master’s degree. 

Jose is so desperate to keep playing the role of a lifetime — straight man who likes women — that he will sit through these speeches. But I’m not. I’m going to start hitting Skip Forward a lot more if Rachel won’t.

Please, Lifetime, let me guest edit a season as a reward for being a super fan. I have some ideas I think you’ll like, such as: not showing the same shit 1,000 times, based on the theory that most viewers do not have amnesia. Not using increasingly deceptive editing that borders on libel and fraud just to keep people watching. Not assuming the average viewer has the IQ of a trilobite. It’s wild, I know, but just give me a chance!

[NowVoyager]

Michaela made Zack's Covid all about her. Geez-louise, where was the care-taking? The sympathy? "They" decided she would go back to Houston? Why? I would have booked the room next door & visited a bit over the balconies. Drop him off a few little treats to try to cheer him up, make sure he eats, stays hydrated. At least be present in case the poor guy takes a turn for the worst. 

[GettingGray]

2 hours ago, Adeejay said:

Please tell me I misheard and that Bao didn't say that bathing is not a priority.  

She got that advice about not bathing from Mindy

[humbleopinion]

Jose said he wanted 2 joint accounts, he would take money from both as needed, which sounds to me that he wants to see/control every fu*king penny coming into the household.

What Rachel wants is to keep her paycheck in her private account and she will contribute a set amount into a joint account that Jose and she can use to make investments, pay mortgages, bills, buy food.

She wants financial control over what she earns, keeping that account private so she can spend it how she wants and not having to run purchases by Jose….

For Jose it is about having control because he knows best…he’s bought and paid for 2 houses blah Blah blah

Rachel should want him to build their wealth…so why isn’t she willing to hand over her paycheck to him?

For Rachel losing control of money means losing her sense of self.

Why shouldn’t she have money not accountable to Jose, she earned it…

Money and what it represents will be a big part of why the marriage won’t last….

 

[DrewPaul2010]

Myrla and Gil can get the fork out anytime. I'm glad Gil is a very self confident man. He's not going to beg her and suck up or try to please her every way possible. He's being sociable for the time being but he already sees the writing on the wall. How could the experts believe Myrla is marriage material? In what way has she shown she really wanted this. I don't expect them to last 8 weeks. Why wait for the end of the season rush?

Sorry for Michaela and Zack. I hope the producers make it up to them..

I don't hold out much hope for Brett and Ryan. Nothing I can put my finger on. Just don't feel it. She has beautiful eyes. If she isn't going to go natural can someone get her a bottle for her roots?

Bao my wife snores always has. Like anything you get used to it. If its really horrific you may need a little surgery some day.

Rachel and Jose should be okay. I think they'll work things out.