S04.E13: The Pleasure Principle

[RealReality]

4 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I sort of doubt that scene with Baby Gurl and the courthouse clerk.  It's because, I have had numerous encounters for requests of such documents over the years and no matter how nice, they have their policies and guidelines.  I have never seen that kind of thing.  NOW, with covid, that might have changed, but, not back then.  I wonder if it was all staged and Baby Gurl had it all along, then they got someone to play the nice clerk lady.  Just something for a fake fight and drama, imo.  

I truly don't know, but I thought maybe the records were public and she was just letting Lisa get away without paying an administrative fee for the document and putting her request at the top of the list.  

Does a divorce decree just officially tell the state you're divorced and therefore free to remarry or does it have personal information?

[deirdra]

1 hour ago, sasha206 said:

He did seem shady when he responded!

Geoffrey also was evasive when his sons asked if he & Varya were still communicating.  He said she had been reaching out to him, but did not say that whether he was responding or not responding, just left the conversation hanging in the air until he suggested they race home on their ATVs (not a helmet in sight).

[Mr. Miner]

His sons are used to that kind of an answer. They know he’s a lying, scumbag POS!

[Mrs. Hanson]

19 minutes ago, RealReality said:

I truly don't know, but I thought maybe the records were public and she was just letting Lisa get away without paying an administrative fee for the document and putting her request at the top of the list.  

Does a divorce decree just officially tell the state you're divorced and therefore free to remarry or does it have personal information?

I can't speak for anyone else but mine contains A LOT of personal information:  All four social security numbers, child support, visitation, property division, our salaries at the time, who gets to deduct who on taxes,  who is paying for what in terms of medical and dental plus A LOT of financial information, our addresses, everything is there for you, the judge and Jesus to see.

[1011101010001]

40 minutes ago, b2H said:

Just asking, but after the last scene last week and the multiple scenes this week, how many times did they show Lana walking up to him?  I counted three times, all considered?

 

Yeah remember they tacked on that scene to last week’s episode at the last minute because spoilers had gotten out.  Then in this week’s episode it was shown the second time right before the 24 hour flashback to “poor” Lana working out at a gym and shopping. Then the third time they let it run to the Mmmmmm mmmm Boing marathon.

[1011101010001]

31 minutes ago, RealReality said:

I truly don't know, but I thought maybe the records were public and she was just letting Lisa get away without paying an administrative fee for the document and putting her request at the top of the list.  

Does a divorce decree just officially tell the state you're divorced and therefore free to remarry or does it have personal information?

I think they sometimes describe how assets are divided, how much alimony should be paid etc. 

9 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I can't speak for anyone else but mine contains A LOT of personal information:  All four social security numbers, child support, visitation, property division, our salaries at the time, who gets to deduct who on taxes,  who is paying for what in terms of medical and dental plus A LOT of financial information, our addresses, everything is there for you, the judge and Jesus to see.

So not just an issue with nosy neighbors but identity theft.

[Mrs. Hanson]

6 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

I think they sometimes describe how assets are divided, how much alimony should be paid etc. 

So not just an issue with nosy neighbors but identity theft.

Exactly.  Plus it is privacy!  No one needs to know how our property, custody, support, etc was divided!  It is kinda boring, actually, but it is the principal. 

@MrBuhBye, I did not get alimony, lol.  If anything, I would have been paying HIM.  And that was NOT gonna happen for reasons I won't bore everyone with.  It was 2011, let it go!!!  LOL!

[RealReality]

36 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I can't speak for anyone else but mine contains A LOT of personal information:  All four social security numbers, child support, visitation, property division, our salaries at the time, who gets to deduct who on taxes,  who is paying for what in terms of medical and dental plus A LOT of financial information, our addresses, everything is there for you, the judge and Jesus to see.

I wonder if personal information is redacted in some states or if there is a cover sheet that is public just for purposes like this where you have to prove you're divorced but you don't want to hand someone your SSN?

[Laurie4H]

From texting Erica to meeting her in 30 minutes, Stephanie’s hair grew about 3 inches.  Anyone else notice that?  

[Scarlett45]

The way David was hugging Lana, rubbing and squeezing her like she was a teddy bear- and smiling, it was CREEPY. So utterly CREEPY. 

[magemaud]

27 minutes ago, Laurie4H said:

From texting Erica to meeting her in 30 minutes, Stephanie’s hair grew about 3 inches.  Anyone else notice that?

In contrast, I watched Erika's pink and purple hair for "roots" the entire time and only at the very end had the colors faded a bit and she had a little bit of dark hair growing out. 

[Laurie4H]

1 minute ago, magemaud said:

In contrast, I watched Erika's pink and purple hair for "roots" the entire time and only at the very end had the colors faded a bit and she had a little bit of dark hair growing out. 

If Stephanie’s hair is 3 inches longer from the supposed same day or day before, then we know this show is staged?

[charmed1]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

The way David was hugging Lana, rubbing and squeezing her like she was a teddy bear- and smiling, it was CREEPY. So utterly CREEPY. 

...and moaning. The mmm-mmm moaning in the leather trench coat and dusty pair of platform leg length discrepancy Skechers...and of course the Chachi wig. 

[Olive]

1 hour ago, Laurie4H said:

From texting Erica to meeting her in 30 minutes, Stephanie’s hair grew about 3 inches.  Anyone else notice that?  

We saw her hair extensions several times in their hotel room.

[Kdawg82]

44 minutes ago, magemaud said:

In contrast, I watched Erika's pink and purple hair for "roots" the entire time and only at the very end had the colors faded a bit and she had a little bit of dark hair growing out. 

I saw the opposite as I watched.  I saw quite a few faded to vibrant & back again episodes throughout. 

There's SO MUCH producer interference and editing in these shows it's anyone's guess at this rate what really happens.  I know one thing...Steph is no bisexual or lesbian.

[1011101010001]

31 minutes ago, charmed1 said:

...and moaning. The mmm-mmm moaning in the leather trench coat and dusty pair of platform leg length discrepancy Skechers...and of course the Chachi wig. 

He remembers that Scott Baio dated Heather Locklear.  Mmmmmmm tasty slurp mmmmmm.

[jennyf]

When Stephanie and Erica were texting before they met up, Erica said “I feel so lead on” and Stephanie said “*led” “but okay.” I mean, I get the temptation to correct that but I don’t think I actually would.

[Laurie4H]

6 minutes ago, Olive said:

We saw her hair extensions several times in their hotel room.

Ok but she walked out to door to go meet her and her hair was longer when she got to the restaurant. 

[Kdawg82]

6 hours ago, Granny58 said:

She's all those things but I don't think she's racist.  She said Nigerian whore but was only clarifying.  I'm sure she would have said Dutch whore if it was appropriate.

Heh hey hey! No need to bring Darcey's ex Jesse into this!!! We've heard enough from him to last 2 lifetimes by this point!

[athousandclowns]

3 hours ago, MrBuhBye said:

My friend’s dad worked for Metlife.  They had no problem stopping paying his dad’s pension without any official proof of death but they made him jump through hoops to prove it to collect on the life insurance.  He said hey if you don’t believe he’s dead resume the pension payments.  You can’t have it both ways and it looks like bad faith.

Met Life is who I had to send so many official copies to , my birth certificate, our marriage certificate , his death , a picture of the birthmark on my backside. Shoot I had to bring in his death certificate to our cell carrier in order to drop his phone. No copy. It really is upsetting to have to keep produce copies. ( I remember weeping out of frustrating re: phone in the store) . I wound up keeping a official copy and reproduced copy in my car. 
sorry OT but you’d think a woman Who has been in the game so long a light bulb over her head would have lit up going to a foreign country to marry you’d need everything to prove who you are and your status. 

Edited May 19, 2020 by athousandclowns
Typo

[DEL901]

1 hour ago, jennyf said:

When Stephanie and Erica were texting before they met up, Erica said “I feel so lead on” and Stephanie said “*led” “but okay.” I mean, I get the temptation to correct that but I don’t think I actually would.

Especially in another country.   You don’t know their slang.   For example, when you root for the team in Australia, you are having sex with them.  

[1011101010001]

4 minutes ago, DEL901 said:

Especially in another country.   You don’t know their slang.   For example, when you root for the team in Australia, you are having sex with them.  

It is kinda close to rut.

[mamadrama]

I hate the way Darcey talks to her girls about men. The whole "I promise I'll find someone one day" and acting like it's a big letdown to all of humanity that she doesn't have a man in her life. She really does equate a proposal with livelihood and success. I grew up in a single parent household and my mom didn't date at ALL. She and Dad broke up when I was a baby and I've only known her as single. I'm 40. There were a few times, after I became an adult, when she'd say something like, "It would be nice to have someone to do things with" but she never once acted like because she was single she was somehow a failure in life. 

[SG11]

16 hours ago, blubld43 said:

I honestly don't understand why David had to go all the way to the Ukraine for a woman who wouldn't turn heads on any U.S.street, she looks exactly like thousands of others.  Bleached to straw hair, extensive facial tweaking, lies about her age, she's a dime a dozen.  She's Darcy, minus a few years-not many.

Wow, couldn’t disagree more. Even if she’s late 30s, she’s impossibly tall and lean with a great face and absolutely hot. Comparing her to chunky Darcy’s multi-plumped fish lips? A chubby grouper, you must be joking.

As this show has spiraled into an awful lot of disappointing fakeness, I’m most interested in more details on Lana. She seemed legitimately disinterested in being there, but was she paid by the site? By TLC? If she’s not the girl in the photos, she looks amazingly like she is, including that long frame that’s hard to fake. She seemed like she was there to fleece David but I don’t know what her story will be.

Unlike idiot Usman, who in one scene admits he’s not sure putting up all the abuse is worth the payoff of the trip to the USA, obviously admitting he cannot possibly be attracted to that vile ashtray mouth beast. And she didn’t know she would need divorce documents? For marriage in another country? Moron.

And Varya, I liked her soooo much and then she turns into a pool of stupid? WTF? So disappointing.So staged and fake. Geoffrey is a creepy sociopath with Shemp Howard hair, idiotic tats and takes glee in punishing her for daring to say no... she needs to get her self respect back.

Tom? Ridiculous. Nice teeny bopper girl outfit. And you are still pining over grouperface? Excellent.

Agree with those that just have Steph lying about her big trip to get a TV gig. Cute face chubby girl, painfully entitled and narcissistic. So much that it’s an act?

And how did Avery go from being furious with Ash’s ridiculous 1950s sexist talk and tantrums to being in his bed a couple days later, the night after his ex confirmed he lied about the divorce and the kid moving? Avery, you are a pretty girl and seem intelligent, but he’s not “overly positive” he lies and lies and when he pushes his bugged out eyes back into his skull, he hitched up his skinny jean tights and lies some more. It seems she’s just obsessed with his hot bod and has not other brain cells.

Yolanda can’t be that stupid, sorry. David? Hard to believe either.

Edited May 19, 2020 by SG11

[SG11]

A couple other things after reading comments:

if Varya is for real, I don’t see it as stalking, I think it’s just stupid. He proposed to her a couple weeks ago. Even if it’s true he’s not answering her texts, the only thing she can do, if she believes she made a mistake, is take a crazy chance and show up. I know what stalker behavior is and showing up at the guys house once, who proposed a couple weeks ago, is not stalking.

Lanas age just isn’t a thing. She was a model when she took pictures for the sites. She said she was 21 then. She was probably 26. Now she’s in her 30s. Whatever. That’s the girl in those pics.

Rose was the big winner. She could easily have been accused of hunting for the green card, moving from a shack in poverty to marry a TrollBeast in the USA. But after all that disrespect culminating with lying about no kids, she walked. She’s my hero.

yeah, I don’t understand now a divorce decree can be sent by email and accepted by a government agency, even Nigeria.

Speaking of Nigeria, people are calling Baby Visa, as revolting as she is, a “racist?”  She’s the one in Nigeria marrying the black guy, right?

 

[nutella fitzgerald]

3 hours ago, SG11 said:

Speaking of Nigeria, people are calling Baby Visa, as revolting as she is, a “racist?”  She’s the one in Nigeria marrying the black guy, right?

She’s also the one insisting that she can say the n-word, in spite of actual black people asking her not to. 

[deirdra]

In previews for next week BGL is complaining that Usman has not yet proposed. So how can she be his fiancé instead of just another one of his raw-dogging whores?

Edited May 19, 2020 by deirdra

[EtheltoTillie]

You know how you would know you need to show your divorce documents?  Because even when you register to get married for the first time they ask you if you had ever been married before and if so to provide proof of dissolution. This was true when I got married in NYS. From then on you’d have to know that would be the case wherever you go. I’m sure this is true in every one of the 50 states in the US, and it’s clearly true in Nigeria. 

[Texasmom1970]

Good for Rosemarie leaving. Hell if I were in her shoes I would have taken everything from that room that I could carry and make Mayo pay the bill! Yeah I am bitchy like that!

David and Lana; come on us viewers are not idiots. We know she had to be paid to show up. They felt they had to produce someone.

Especially since we know we will never see Weeums. They did not want to have us viewers pissed at watching two clueless people being cat fished. That is a different show. We watch this one for the train wreck meetings and so called relationships.

Speaking of so called relationships I am tired of seeing Stephanie and her fame whore ass; please go away. And drag the other fame whore Tom with you.

Darcey please be single for a while so you can take time to get yourself right.

I might be wrong but I think the producers paid Varya extra to surprise ex-con. The entire what is she doing here scene seemed like a bad scene from a soap opera. I think they are trying to make him look desirable so we might forget he is an abuser.

Ash and Avery; I just do not even care enough to comment on either one.

[mamadrama]

4 hours ago, SG11 said:

 

Speaking of Nigeria, people are calling Baby Visa, as revolting as she is, a “racist?”  She’s the one in Nigeria marrying the black guy, right?

 

For more context in BabyGurlGate, head over to the couple's page and take a gander. There's more context for people's opinions there. 

[blubld43]

1 hour ago, GussieK said:

You know how you would know you need to show your divorce documents?  Because even when you register to get married for the first time they ask you if you had ever been married before and if so to provide proof of dissolution. This was true when I got married in NYS. From then on you’d have to know that would be the case wherever you go. I’m sure this is true in every one of the 50 states in the US, and it’s clearly true in Nigeria. 

Not true.  I remarried in Florida in 2004, all I did was sign a form stating I was free to marry.

That said, if I were flying to a foreign country to get married, I'd have brought certified copies of everything.  And why was Usman responsible for that,  HE hasn't been married before.

[Scarlett45]

11 minutes ago, blubld43 said:

And why was Usman responsible for that,  HE hasn't been married before.

Because he’s her slave that’s why (worst case), and because it’s his culture/customs and he would know more than Lisa (best case). 
 

It’s the former. 
 

Unrelated- Usman saying that everyone calls women “baby” and “love”, that cracked me up, my Mom’s best guy friend/former Co-worker is from Sierra Lone and he always called all the women in his life “Baby- blah blah blah”, it wasn’t an indication of romance or anything like that. But yes Usman was fucking that woman and he had to explain he was entertaining his meal ticket to America and couldn’t get back to her. 🤣

[RealReality]

6 hours ago, SG11 said:

A couple other things after reading comments:

if Varya is for real, I don’t see it as stalking, I think it’s just stupid. He proposed to her a couple weeks ago. Even if it’s true he’s not answering her texts, the only thing she can do, if she believes she made a mistake, is take a crazy chance and show up. I know what stalker behavior is and showing up at the guys house once, who proposed a couple weeks ago, is not stalking.

Lanas age just isn’t a thing. She was a model when she took pictures for the sites. She said she was 21 then. She was probably 26. Now she’s in her 30s. Whatever. That’s the girl in those pics.

Rose was the big winner. She could easily have been accused of hunting for the green card, moving from a shack in poverty to marry a TrollBeast in the USA. But after all that disrespect culminating with lying about no kids, she walked. She’s my hero.

yeah, I don’t understand now a divorce decree can be sent by email and accepted by a government agency, even Nigeria.

Speaking of Nigeria, people are calling Baby Visa, as revolting as she is, a “racist?”  She’s the one in Nigeria marrying the black guy, right?

 

I don't agree that anyone's "only option " is stalking.  She could have respected his decision not talk to her.  That is also a choice.  There is an option to accept that someone has made it clear that they don't want to talk to you and respect that. 

Lana made it clear she didn't want to talk to David and Geoffrey made it clear he didn't want to have any contact with varya.  The same way Darcy made it clear that she didn't want contact with tom

Respecting decisions that you don't like is an option.  Stalking is not an "only choice". Showing up on someone's doorstep when they have not asked you to be there, you haven't told them you'll be there, they haven't agreed for you to be there and you know damn well that they don't want you there because they have bee clear that they do not want to talk to you is never the "only choice" anyone has and I dont think I'll ever see that logic.  

It was creepy stalking when David did it, it was creepy stalking when Tom did it and it's creepy stalking when varya does it.  

If varya had blocked Geoffrey from contacting her but he felt he really made a mistake by cutting off the relationship completely in a tantrum, would anyone accept that his "only option" was to show up unannounced and uninvited to her house?  Would anyone call that a harmless and stupid mistake?  I know I wouldn't.  I'd call it creepy stalking.  

If someone is very clearly telling you NO and you decide that means "yes, green light and I should do what I want in spite of their feelings" that's not okay, it's not cute, it's not romantic, it's creepy.  There are very few exceptions and IMO this isn't one of them. 

 

ETA - dating or marrying a black person or any POC doesn't make them immune from being a racist, the same way having "a black friend" doesn't mean someone cannot be a racist.  

Edited May 19, 2020 by RealReality

[DEL901]

2 hours ago, deirdra said:

In previews for next week BGL is complaining that Usman has not yet proposed. So how can she be his fiancé instead of just another one of his raw-dogging whores?

OMG.  Remember when Usman told his mother....SHE loves me and wants to marry ME and bring me to America...maybe he was being quite literally accurate.   There were a few comments during that episode wondering why he didn’t say THEY wanted to get married.  
 

Maybe Lisa just announced she was coming to Nigeria to get married and he just went along with it, thinking it might be worth it for a green card.   Of course, he has now found it that nothing is free and marriage and subservience to Lisa might be too high a price to pay.   

Edited May 19, 2020 by DEL901

[Colfrmb]

About Usman calling everybody baby, I’m waiting for somebody to show up on social media claiming that he called them Baby Love also.  I just don’t believe she’s the first middle-aged white woman that he has wooed.

[Scarlett45]

7 hours ago, SG11 said:

Speaking of Nigeria, people are calling Baby Visa, as revolting as she is, a “racist?”  She’s the one in Nigeria marrying the black guy, right?

Having sex or marrying someone of a different race doesn’t mean you don’t have prejudice or bias against them (or their racial group). I can definitely see Lisa not only using her whiteness as a currency to attract Usman (which isn’t the same thing as being racist), but thinking she’s superior to him or the local women he might be interested in because she is white. 
 

White men have been pulling that forever and a day, only recently have women had the economic power/independence and sexual freedom to do the same. 

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 hours ago, blubld43 said:

I were flying to a foreign country to get married, I'd have brought certified copies of everything.  And why was Usman responsible for that,  HE hasn't been married before.

Because then she had something else to blame him over?  

[1011101010001]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Having sex or marrying someone of a different race doesn’t mean you don’t have prejudice or bias against them (or their racial group). I can definitely see Lisa not only using her whiteness as a currency to attract Usman (which isn’t the same thing as being racist), but thinking she’s superior to him or the local women he might be interested in because she is white. 
 

White men have been pulling that forever and a day, only recently have women had the economic power/independence and sexual freedom to do the same. 

Sometimes it’s a fetish which is further dehumanizing.

[SunnyBeBe]

15 hours ago, RealReality said:

I truly don't know, but I thought maybe the records were public and she was just letting Lisa get away without paying an administrative fee for the document and putting her request at the top of the list.  

Does a divorce decree just officially tell the state you're divorced and therefore free to remarry or does it have personal information?

It varies by state, as others here have posted.  In many states, there is the divorce order that is signed my the judge. Then, there's a Certificate of Absolute Divorce that is filed with vital records that is a box form with the info inserted.  I would think the officials would have wanted the divorce judgment signed by the judge and it can contain lots of info about the parties and their minor children.  Years ago, it contained social security numbers or last 4 digits, but, that has ceased in our state. 

[SunnyBeBe]

1 hour ago, RealReality said:

I don't agree that anyone's "only option " is stalking.  She could have respected his decision not talk to her.  That is also a choice.  There is an option to accept that someone has made it clear that they don't want to talk to you and respect that. 

Lana made it clear she didn't want to talk to David and Geoffrey made it clear he didn't want to have any contact with varya.  The same way Darcy made it clear that she didn't want contact with tom

Respecting decisions that you don't like is an option.  Stalking is not an "only choice". Showing up on someone's doorstep when they have not asked you to be there, you haven't told them you'll be there, they haven't agreed for you to be there and you know damn well that they don't want you there because they have bee clear that they do not want to talk to you is never the "only choice" anyone has and I dont think I'll ever see that logic.  

It was creepy stalking when David did it, it was creepy stalking when Tom did it and it's creepy stalking when varya does it.  

If varya had blocked Geoffrey from contacting her but he felt he really made a mistake by cutting off the relationship completely in a tantrum, would anyone accept that his "only option" was to show up unannounced and uninvited to her house?  Would anyone call that a harmless and stupid mistake?  I know I wouldn't.  I'd call it creepy stalking.  

If someone is very clearly telling you NO and you decide that means "yes, green light and I should do what I want in spite of their feelings" that's not okay, it's not cute, it's not romantic, it's creepy.  There are very few exceptions and IMO this isn't one of them. 

 

ETA - dating or marrying a black person or any POC doesn't make them immune from being a racist, the same way having "a black friend" doesn't mean someone cannot be a racist.  

Good points about having the contestants go to someone's home like that.  It is a common theme here and is not right.  It promotes unlawful and dangerous behavior, imo and I do not appreciate it.  This is one reason people get restraining orders.  And, how people can get hurt.  Huge mistake by TLC, imo.  They need to retract and get far away from it. 

Edited May 19, 2020 by SunnyBeBe

[SG11]

1 hour ago, RealReality said:

I don't agree that anyone's "only option " is stalking.  She could have respected his decision not talk to her.  That is also a choice.  There is an option to accept that someone has made it clear that they don't want to talk to you and respect that. 

Lana made it clear she didn't want to talk to David and Geoffrey made it clear he didn't want to have any contact with varya.  The same way Darcy made it clear that she didn't want contact with tom

Respecting decisions that you don't like is an option.  Stalking is not an "only choice". Showing up on someone's doorstep when they have not asked you to be there, you haven't told them you'll be there, they haven't agreed for you to be there and you know damn well that they don't want you there because they have bee clear that they do not want to talk to you is never the "only choice" anyone has and I dont think I'll ever see that logic.  

It was creepy stalking when David did it, it was creepy stalking when Tom did it and it's creepy stalking when varya does it.  

If varya had blocked Geoffrey from contacting her but he felt he really made a mistake by cutting off the relationship completely in a tantrum, would anyone accept that his "only option" was to show up unannounced and uninvited to her house?  Would anyone call that a harmless and stupid mistake?  I know I wouldn't.  I'd call it creepy stalking.  

If someone is very clearly telling you NO and you decide that means "yes, green light and I should do what I want in spite of their feelings" that's not okay, it's not cute, it's not romantic, it's creepy.  There are very few exceptions and IMO this isn't one of them. 

 

ETA - dating or marrying a black person or any POC doesn't make them immune from being a racist, the same way having "a black friend" doesn't mean someone cannot be a racist.  

Just not going to agree here. I’ve been stalked. I know people who have been stalked. Knocking on someone’s door, once,  2 weeks after they asked you to marry them isn’t stalking. If he says I told you no and I’ve moved on, and she comes back or keeps trying to contact him, it’s stalking. One attempt to see him in person literally days after that person asked you to marry them, (short of some obvious violent or crazy incident of course) is not stalking. I don’t care for the over dramatization of the act. People use words too loosely I think.

One more point. We don’t know if the Ex con actually responded to her texts or not, but taking his word for it, he did not. ‘‘Ghosting” someone like a 14 year old child  trying to punish someone Instead of saying don’t contact me anymore, again, does not result in stalking when she comes to see him.

Its not stalking for David either. He’s in a foreign country at her invite, again. She failed to show again. He has every right to go to where he thought she lived and ask what’s up. He’s a loon, a dope and a sucker, but he’s not stalking, he’s being played because he’s an easy target with no self respect.

4 hours ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

She’s also the one insisting that she can say the n-word, in spite of actual black people asking her not to. 

Ah, clearly there’s info I don’t have. Thank you.

Edited May 19, 2020 by SG11

[Scarlett45]

25 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

Sometimes it’s a fetish which is further dehumanizing.

Yes you’re right. 

[procrasstinator]

2 hours ago, RealReality said:

 

Lana made it clear she didn't want to talk to David 

This I don't see.  I agree with the posters who say the posts sent to David from Lana were not actually from Lana.  But suspending my disbelief and overly suspicious nature to enter into David's mindset,  the fact that he would get another message after each failed meeting was a sign of encouragement for him.  If Lana was wanting to send a clear message she would have written to leave her alone, not texted, hey can we get pictures for proof of a relationship so we can start the process of applying for a visa. 

What I seem to see happening with David is a bit of intermittent reinforcement.  He'll get a message (payoff) but he'll never know when or if.  It's a dynamic that builds addiction.  After the last failed meet when David was flying back he said he was done but then turned right around and said he knew eventually he would hear from Lana again and that he would be drawn in again.  If it is like an addiction it would be very hard for him to stop.  And there has to be something not right inside someone for addictive behavior to take hold in the first place.  Therapy would be a good idea maybe.

[Jady]

Varya had a totally different personality once she reached the U.S. Totally must be being paid and is acting like she thinks they want. I was shocked at the change.

 

[1011101010001]

1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Good points about having the contestants go to someone's home like that.  It is a common theme here and is not right.  It promotes unlawful and dangerous behavior, imo and I do not appreciate it.  This is one reason people get restraining orders.  And, how people can get hurt.  Huge mistake by TLC, imo.  They need to retract and get far away from it. 

We had an aldermanic candidate in my city who would approach his ex while she was walking her dog, show up at her workplace, and contact her family members.  She had to get an order of protection.  Despite this being aired in the press he was elected and is currently an alderman.  What year is this?

[RealReality]

2 hours ago, SG11 said:

Just not going to agree here. I’ve been stalked. I know people who have been stalked. Knocking on someone’s door, once,  2 weeks after they asked you to marry them isn’t stalking. If he says I told you no and I’ve moved on, and she comes back or keeps trying to contact him, it’s stalking. One attempt to see him in person literally days after that person asked you to marry them, (short of some obvious violent or crazy incident of course) is not stalking. I don’t care for the over dramatization of the act. People use words too loosely I think.

One more point. We don’t know if the Ex con actually responded to her texts or not, but taking his word for it, he did not. ‘‘Ghosting” someone like a 14 year old child  trying to punish someone Instead of saying don’t contact me anymore, again, does not result in stalking when she comes to see him.

Its not stalking for David either. He’s in a foreign country at her invite, again. She failed to show again. He has every right to go to where he thought she lived and ask what’s up. He’s a loon, a dope and a sucker, but he’s not stalking, he’s being played because he’s an easy target with no self respect.

Ah, clearly there’s info I don’t have. Thank you.

Having the worst stalker doesn't mean that another stalker is absolved of being a stalker. 

That girl from my sister Sam had a stalker who shot her, it doesn't mean that someone who doesn't shoot is somehow not a stalker.  Which is to say that the degree of offense doesn't matter, you can be an awful creepy stalker or you can be a mildly creepy stalker.  Either way, creepy stalker.   

There is a bright, clear line that separates stalkers from non-stalkers. 

If you know someone doesn't want to communicate with you, if they have not invited you over, consented to communication or a visit and you ignore all that and show up anyways.....you're a stalker. 

And it's treating another human being, with the same rights as you, as a mere object who doesn't warrant respect because what their wishes and rights are not as important as your own.  

Yeah, I'm not going to agree that anyone has the right to show up, knowing full well the other person does not want to see them.  

To me, if you know someone doesn't want to see you, if they have made that clear and you persist in showing up anyways......that's creepy stalker.  

In varyas case, it is arguably worse, because Geoffrey was very, very clear that the relationship was over.  Whether he was being a baby or not doesn't matter, he was clear.  He was even more clear when he blocked all forms of communication. 

She knew he didn't want anything more to do with her.  Instead of respecting his rights and wishes as an adult with equal rights to decide who he wants to interact with, she proceeded to get on a plane and force him to do something he has been very clear that he doesn't want to do.  

Disrespecting wishes that have been made crystal clear is hallmark creepy stalker.  Doesn't matter if it's a weirdo in a pleather duster, a nice Russian girl or a British wanker. 

ETA - there are exceptions, for like surprise birthday parties and interventions, etc.

 

Edited May 19, 2020 by RealReality

[RealReality]

32 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

We had an aldermanic candidate in my city who would approach his ex while she was walking her dog, show up at her workplace, and contact her family members.  She had to get an order of protection.  Despite this being aired in the press he was elected and is currently an alderman.  What year is this?

Sadly, I can believe it.  Even in 2020. 

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, procrasstinator said:

This I don't see.  I agree with the posters who say the posts sent to David from Lana were not actually from Lana.  But suspending my disbelief and overly suspicious nature to enter into David's mindset,  the fact that he would get another message after each failed meeting was a sign of encouragement for him.  If Lana was wanting to send a clear message she would have written to leave her alone, not texted, hey can we get pictures for proof of a relationship so we can start the process of applying for a visa. 

What I seem to see happening with David is a bit of intermittent reinforcement.  He'll get a message (payoff) but he'll never know when or if.  It's a dynamic that builds addiction.  After the last failed meet when David was flying back he said he was done but then turned right around and said he knew eventually he would hear from Lana again and that he would be drawn in again.  If it is like an addiction it would be very hard for him to stop.  And there has to be something not right inside someone for addictive behavior to take hold in the first place.  Therapy would be a good idea maybe.

After the failed meeting at the restaurant, she wouldn't respond to him, even on the paid site.  She never talked to him off the paid site.  He has no social media accounts for lana, he doesn't have Lana's email, he doesn't have her address.  He maybe has the address of a candy shop she likes?  I'm not entirely sure he even knows what city she lives in.  

He decided that he had to force a meeting with her because she wouldn't talk to him.  He knew she didn't want to talk to him.  Instead of saying "hey, she doesn't want to talk to me, lemme pack it in" he tried to force her to meet him in person to "teach her a lesson" because be was "owed a meeting"

Creepy stalker.  

 

[magemaud]

5 hours ago, deirdra said:

In previews for next week BGL is complaining that Usman has not yet proposed.

I believe when we first "met" Lisa she said something about Usman having asked her to marry him but she was waiting until she got to Nigeria for the official proposal. What a romantic! 

[Scarlett45]

You know- (ignoring the creepiness of the way Varya showed up to Geoffrey’s house), the way she behaved in the airport and in the taxi, displayed a giddiness we hadn’t seen before. Led me to believe that she was acting (badly) and this was a producer arrangement. When Geoffrey opened the door for her, he seemed awkward too. I can believe he knew production was coming so he would be home, but Mary (isn’t that the ladies name?) sounded legit surprised. 
 

The entire thing screams producer shenanigans.