S08.E18: Mercury's in Gatorade

[OnceSane]

Quote

Stassi and Beau revel in their post-engagement bliss, while Scheana enlists Brett to a shoot a sexy video; Brittany must again answer for Jax's bad behavior when he lashes out at Max, and Raquel tries to persuade Lisa to give James one last chance.

Airs May 5, 2020.

[chenoa333]

On 5/3/2020 at 5:35 PM, OnceSane said:

and Raquel tries to persuade Lisa to give James one last chance.

Let's hope Lisa says "NO"! 

[The Ringo Kidd]

I am glad that somebody is going after Max. That is a seriously greasy annoying dude.
 

Its’s understandable that it is Jax since it takes one to know one.

[FlyingEgret]

Wow... that's a video... that's a video right there... 

Very accurate description Dayna!

[Steph J]

Scheana: Want to see my music video?

Jax: No.

This was the correct response. Congrats Jax.

[FlyingEgret]

Kristen looks fabulous in her blue dress TH 

[Callaphera]

Oh, Jax, you wacky wacky high-as-a-kite-on-cocaine guy. You say Ariana uses her depression as an excuse but then you rage at everyone in sight and use your "mental issues" as an excuse and that's all right but then you blame it on the weed weight and Adderall diet when you're alone with your wife and a filming crew of six. Oh, okay, you just keep uninviting people to your pool party like you're eight and had a falling out with your best friend on the playground and you get to have ice cream cake and they don't, you whiny ass baby. ✝️💟✝️💟

 

[LibertarianSlut]

Nice perm Brett.  Scheana needs to lose the Morticia-black hair ASAP.  Scheana is so try-hard.  I want to be on Scheana’s side so much, and I usually dislike Dayna’s Uber-cool type, but I was so glad she wasn’t buying what Scheana was selling.  No one is jealous of you, girl, no matter how much Brett slaps you on the ass and your entire lower body erupts into a series of concentric jiggles (what the fuck was that??). Get a grip.  

Is this week’s beach clean-up like last week’s softball game?  I am waiting for next week with bated breath.  Will they hand out talliitses at the local synagogue?  

I was so glad Flat Iron cut Jax off at the knees when Jax said Ariana often acts like a bitch. Not only is Jax cheap, he is incredibly miserable, and he wants everyone to be miserable with him, and more power to FI for not falling for it.  I do think Jax is right that they’re not happy together (or at least Ariana isn’t happy with Tom) and I am not sure it was a good idea for them to buy a 1.7 million dollar house at all, but that’s besides the point that it’s not Jax’s business.

Jax kind of had a funny moment when he said “no” to whether he wanted to see Scheana’s music video.  Also, that was a pretty funny point when he said that all the fumes from driving to the beach would negate the beach clean-up.  

The obsessive texts Jax was sending were so strange though.  It was like he was trying to stop the beach clean-up from happening like this was a sci-fi movie and he was the villain who wanted to wreak havoc on earth by polluting it.  It was like FOMO, except Jax was invited.  Kind of psychotic behavior.  He is uninviting everyone from his pool party?  Is he six?  Does he realize if he uninvites everyone, no one will be there? 

I don’t know why Stassi insists on a center part with a nude lip year after year.  I don’t generally think Stassi’s very pretty.  I’ve posted before that I think they went overboard on the chin implant to the point that she has a hard masculine edge to her face.  But I was watching season six and twice Stassi did a red lip with a side part and bangs swept across her forehead, and she looked positively dynamic.  I wish she would do that more.  This is from the season six finale and it’s probably the prettiest I’ve ever seen her:

I never want to see filming at VanderPump dogs and that awful sycophant John Sessa again.  

Lisa did that thing to Raquel that I hate—she ropes an employee into a personal conversation when they are supposedly on the clock at work, and as soon as she gets the exact amount of information she thinks she needs, she dismisses the person by saying “off you go.”  Either don’t have personal conversations at work or let the person finish their damn thought.  I guess this is how she envisions a busy, yet sexy, workplace.  

Glad it gave James an esteem bump to be invited to a beach clean-up.  Whatever works for him.

Stassi, it’s “awkward as fuck” that Kristen was acting maturely and treating you civilly?  I know those are hard concepts for Stassi, but she might want to hide her umbrage at basic adult behavior.  

Scheana allegedly offering Brett a blowjob for being in her video is the most exciting thing that’s happened all season.  

I am still missing how Max is “the” hot guy.  Who gives a shit about his feelings?  He’s been onscreen all of five minutes.  Dayna tried to get back together with him, he said no, but he thinks he gets to make requests about Dayna and Brett?  He took her outside to say it’s ok that they’re together, but Dayna needs to keep her hands off Brett around him??  Excuse me, what now?

There’s something jarring about Ariana giving us a seven-second update about her depression.  If it’s real, this is wrong.  If it’s not real, this is also wrong.  

I hope Kristen makes a lot of money with James Mae.  More than Katie and Stassi combined. 😝

Scheana is MeTooing Brett.  He’s telling her he’s uncomfortable with the sexuality of the shoot, and she’s telling him it’s no big deal and patting him on the arm.  Then “firing” him and giving that talking head that it’s impossible to know what guys want?  Goose chills.

I would have enjoyed a good old time Kristen/Jax fight about—literally—sex, lies and videotape, but Jax was so enraged this whole episode, it ruined all the potential fun.  

I think Brittany was really upset that Jax admitted that he smokes a lot of weed and takes a lot of Adderall.  I wish so hard she would take Jax up on his threat to move to Kentucky if she wants a June Cleaver life.  She absolutely should have called his bluff and put the house on the market and started making plans to move somewhere that would cut them out of this show.  I hate when people make empty threats.  Jax is not giving up this lifestyle.  He already had this crisis of pursuing the simple life in season six by telling everyone he was moving to Tampa and getting a real job, everyone had to make it the topic conversation, and he didn’t do it, because Jax always only does what is expedient.  He is unwilling to leave LA, and he hates himself for it, and anyone who has an opportunity to throw that in his face should take it.  

Jax and Scheana and Max (in that order) were so awful this episode that they managed to make the rest of this motley crew look positively delightful.  

Edited May 6, 2020 by LibertarianSlut
Typos

[ParadoxLost]

So I have a brand new (to me) theory on Jax.  I'm not sure his rage tantrums are drug fueled or attention seeking.

I think he got set off at the shoe store. He asked the question about the red tag on his shoes to draw attention how young and cool and hip (translate that from GenX speak to something younger) he still is.  Instead the young guy behind the counter basically tells him that's not something that he (anyone) does anymore.  And seriously Jax, if I have heard of red tags on sneakers then you should have cut them off a year ago, maybe two.   Then he is further embarrassed by his credit card getting rejected.  And it happens in front of Sandoval.  And cameras.

It put him in a pissy mood where he lashed out.  Its pathetic really.  He is having a really hard time with aging.

And the first person he lashes out at is the new blood LvP is bringing onto the show.

Edited May 6, 2020 by ParadoxLost

[princelina]

I did not get the red tag on the shoe thing.  Why would a 40 year old man think that makes him look young?

Brett gets more gruesome to me every week.  The perm was not helping any, and then wearing a winter hat at the beach!!!!  That is a personal pet peeve of mine and cemented my hate for him.  If he was "doing Scheana a favor" he should have said no if he wasn't into it.  I can't agree it's a Me Too thing because that video wasn't his job; she's not his boss; likely he was doing it for camera time and is too dim to understand that refusing and fighting about that for the next few weeks would be as/more interesting than the current conflict that resulted.  And would make him look better too.

As for the "love triangle" - just stop it show.  I barely believe it and couldn't care less.

Did anyone notice that Brittany has a tattoo on her underboob?  😄 

[Thumper]

Heh.  I kinda love the (perm?) curly hair on Brett.  But then, as a straight-hair, I’m always wanting the curly. 😁

Again, only half watching.  Scheana — ugh.  And what was that with her thighs jiggling all over in the video?

Jax — not getting enough attention now that your wedding is over?  What’s with the greasy hair and sweaty face?  He is so awful.

[ParadoxLost]

20 minutes ago, princelina said:

I did not get the red tag on the shoe thing.  Why would a 40 year old man think that makes him look young?

I've heard about red tags on sneakers before but I had to look it up after the show to get specifics.

There are sneakers called Off White (which I think are Nike) that came out in 2017.  They were considered luxury street wear.  For whatever reason when this shoe came out, a lot of the people that bought it decided to keep the red zip tie that came on the shoe.  And there was much debate as to why it was on it in the first place and if it should be removed.  But it became a "thing" not to cut it off.  Basically a red tag that said look at me, my shoe cost $500 dollars.

Edited May 6, 2020 by ParadoxLost

[princelina]

29 minutes ago, ParadoxLost said:

I've heard about red tags on sneakers before but I had to look it up after the show to get specifics.

There are sneakers called Off White (which I think are Nike) that came out in 2017.  They were considered luxury street wear.  For whatever reason when this shoe came out, a lot of the people that bought it decided to keep the red zip tie that came on the shoe.  And there was much debate as to why it was on it in the first place and if it should be removed.  But it became a "thing" not to cut it off.  Basically a red tag that said look at me, my shoe cost $500 dollars.

Thanks - my teenage nieces and nephews are way too into overpriced sneakers but I had never heard of that!  I now have something to talk with them about 😄 

[goofygirl]

Jax honey; WHY is your credit card always being denied??  You just blew a wad on a big old Kentucky Wonderland wedding with what? 10k for BOOZE???  And you bought a big house IN THE VALLEY with a pool and probably spent about 1.5 million on it. But yet, your first credit card at the sneaker cleaners couldn't handle $122.00?  What the bloody hell??

He is waaaayyy overpaid for this gig and still can't quite get his shit together. Dude. Stop. 

[biakbiak]

5 hours ago, The Ringo Kidd said:

I am glad that somebody is going after Max. That is a seriously greasy annoying dude.
 

Its’s understandable that it is Jax since it takes one to know one.

I couldn’t enjoy it because of his stupid ass rage texts. Not to mention he can’t even sway his wife from going.

[ivygirl]

I’m so embarrassed for Scheana at this point, my embarrassment is embarrassed that it still has to be embarrassed at the sight of her, em... barr-ass.

[hoodooznoodooz]

Heh, heh. 

Are we good? I don’t think we’re good. When you flash your fingers like that, obviously we’re not good. 

[Callaphera]

I have a feeling that Scheana's talking head paired with that scene of her "firing" Brett was like the situation with Stassi's brother last week: the talking head about not knowing what guys want from her doesn't seem to have any real connection to the scene, was probably the answer to some random ass questions that the producers were asking, and they decided to slot it in with this scene because it plays into the whole Scheana is so boy crazy!!!1 story they're pushing super hard this season. 

Like yeah, Scheana's wacky and boy crazy and concerned more with herself than anyone else and very OTT but it's kinda feeling like she's getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop from the editing in the past few episodes. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

Brett spanking Scheana.

”It’s like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion.”

[hoodooznoodooz]

Raquel needs a brain transplant.

[MVFrostsMyPie]

So people like Stassi and Katie think Kristen's a downer and dramatic and miserable, but they remain friends with Jax the raging narcissistic manbaby. Okaaaaaay.

[bichonblitz]

"Does the Pope have a balcony"? 

[Travellin]

Raquel:  ‘Whaaaat, does everyone know that the Pope drinks rosé on his balcony?’

Me:  Bless her heart 

[MVFrostsMyPie]

I can't stop laughing at these two fuckheads who we're supposed to give a flying fuck about and DaYna is trying to decide between.

Also, the new kids bore me so much, I feel inspired to do things like trim my cats' nails and wipe their butts when they're on screen.

Jax, a year from now when Britt (is she still alive in quarantine with him?) and Jax pop out a corona-baby: "why do you care if I'm mean to our baby?"

Look at that sexy laundry detergent.

[bichonblitz]

3 minutes ago, MVFrostsMyPie said:

Jax, a year from now when Britt (is she still alive in quarantine with him?) and Jax pop out a corona-baby: "why do you care if I'm mean to our baby?"

Or don't want to feed him, or change it's poopy diaper or watch it while you go to the store or play with it or put it to bed? A fine daddy he is going to be. 

[The Ringo Kidd]

Be fair. 
 

He is taking baby to get her first tattoo.

[ShawnaLanne]

I haven't watched reguarly in a while, but I keep messing up days of the week/ when RH's is on.

So anyhow, what was up with LVP going off about James's girlfriend (don't know her name) not knowing what LVP meant when she said "Dose the Pope drink rosė on his balcony?" in response to being asked if she wanted a glass of rosė. I have never heard anything close to that expression in my life. Yes, I would have figured it out because of context and phrasing, but LVP was bitchy about it. 

Then it cut to the scene with Jax being all ragey and sweaty, and B being a wishy washy enabler and I was out.

[Kiki777]

4 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

"Does the Pope have a balcony"? 

Yeah I never heard that one either and don’t blame Raquel for her confusion.  I’ve heard ‘is the pope Catholic?’ Which also confused me as a child.  Was it a trick question?  Because Jesus was Jewish.  (I overthought things as a child)

I want Stassi and Beau to have a baby before Jax and Brittany - just so we can watch J&B fly into twin jealous hissy-fits when LVP throws Stassi a lavish shower at her house.

[Ubiquitous]

On ‎5‎/‎3‎/‎2020 at 8:35 PM, OnceSane said:

"Mercury's in Gatorade". Stassi and Beau revel in their post-engagement bliss, while Scheana enlists Brett to a shoot a sexy video; Brittany must again answer for Jax's bad behavior when he lashes out at Max, and Raquel tries to persuade Lisa to give James one last chance.

This ep was a snoozer, plus I went out for dinner earlier, so I wasn't really paying attention (mm, margaritas!). TBH, my notes don't make whole lot of sense, either, so bear with me, please.

Shut up, Schemer. Yeah, right, your new song is NOTHING like "Good as Gold" and is going to be a musical opus for the ages.  Meanwhile, Jax and Flat Iron Tom go to some sort of sneaker laundrymat. Jax tries to impress the young man behind the counter but he doesn't cooperate, topped off by his credit card being declined. FI Tom plays a psychologist on TV for a bit. Shut up, Britney. It's only a driveway. Schemer runs around showing everyone awkward footage from the sex tape music video she and Brett made. What the hell happened to his hair? Did he buy some hair products from Peter Brady? Meanwhile, LaLa the cum receptacle pretends to work at animal lover Lisa Vanderbuck's dog shop and tells her that the gang is going to spend the day cleaning up the beach. Oddly, Lisa Vanderbucks doesn't invite herself this time. Later, we get to watch exciting footage of the gang spending the day cleaning up trash on the beach. Hey! Mrs Roper joined them! Poor Brett! He is never going to live doing this "music video" down!
Pipe laying? I don't think that's what that expression means, Brett. Jax whines via text about them cleaning up the beach for some reason. Shwartz's solution? Delete them, unread, as they cascade onto his smarty-phone.  Kristen talks abut some weird project of her own. Jax is still texting everyone. OMG just start making out already, Max and Brett! Also, quit telling everyone about how you're so over Max, Danya. Meanwhile, Lisa Vanderbucks  has some motherly interaction with DJ Muppet Baby and stumps Raquel with some stupid rhetorical question about the Pope. For the record, Lisa Vanderbucks, the correct expression is "Is the Pope Catholic?". Max is like "Oh Crap, she's here!". GROSS! Shut up, Katie! Max and Dayna step outside for yet another talk about their nonexistent relationship while Schemer tries to get people to watch her sex tape music video. OMG! What the fuck just happened when Brett smacked her ass, causing her to ripple? Was that a mean editor's decision to show that?
Later, while the gang pretends to shop at Kristen's "pop up shop", Jax aplogizes for the angry texting, calling it "an episode" caused by weed and Adderall abuse. Shut up, Schemer. Wait, is Kristen's popup show in an alley behind a bar?
 

 

[blondiek237]

I am not a Jax fan, but he had a point on the beach clean up.  It's like all the big wigs taking individual private jets to go to a climate conference then lecture us on how to lower our carbon footprint.  Why not do clean up closer to home, or all go in just 1 car

[SarahPrtr]

9 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

Lisa did that thing to Raquel that I hate—she ropes an employee into a personal conversation when they are supposedly on the clock at work, and as soon as she gets the exact amount of information she thinks she needs, she dismisses the person by saying “off you go.”  Either don’t have personal conversations at work or let the person finish their damn thought.  I guess this is how she envisions a busy, yet sexy, workplace. 

Jax and Scheana and Max (in that order) were so awful this episode that they managed to make the rest of this motley crew look positively delightful.  

 

Yeah, can't stand it when Lisa (or anyone else) does that.  You get me to open up and get personal and when I'm in a vulnerable state, you cut me off.  How freaking dead inside are you, to do shit like that???

 

Well, there's nothing about Schena we haven't seen yet, and she's already done the Showgirls-dolphin-shaking-sex-scene in the light-porn she was in years ago.

9 hours ago, ParadoxLost said:

He asked the question about the red tag on his shoes to draw attention how young and cool and hip (translate that from GenX speak to something younger) he still is. 

You're so funny!  Translating something from GenX speak, hahaha!  Umm... what are the kids saying these days?  I've heard them say 'extra' a lot.  Like, 'So totes extra', meaning totally special/some other positive superlative. 

 

6 hours ago, MVFrostsMyPie said:

I can't stop laughing at these two fuckheads who we're supposed to give a flying fuck about and DaYna is trying to decide between.

Also, the new kids bore me so much, I feel inspired to do things like trim my cats' nails and wipe their butts when they're on screen.

Jax, a year from now when Britt (is she still alive in quarantine with him?) and Jax pop out a corona-baby: "why do you care if I'm mean to our baby?"

Look at that sexy laundry detergent.

😂🤣🤣😂 IKR??? I'm definitely getting turned on by a washer-dryer-on-top-of-each-other combo.  Washer-Dryer Missionary Position.

[dosodog]

8 hours ago, Callaphera said:

I have a feeling that Scheana's talking head paired with that scene of her "firing" Brett was like the situation with Stassi's brother last week: the talking head about not knowing what guys want from her doesn't seem to have any real connection to the scene, was probably the answer to some random ass questions that the producers were asking, and they decided to slot it in with this scene because it plays into the whole Scheana is so boy crazy!!!1 story they're pushing super hard this season. 

Like yeah, Scheana's wacky and boy crazy and concerned more with herself than anyone else and very OTT but it's kinda feeling like she's getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop from the editing in the past few episodes. 

At this point, I feel like the producers are using Schaena to give the blonde girl with the perpetual "I just smelled a fart" face, a storyline.

The new people just have not cut it.  Except for Schaena's Vegas doppelganger.   She seemed interesting. 

[nexxie]

Scheana is one seriously screwed up individual - and Brett, the only sane answer to her video request was “No thanks” dumbass.

[bichonblitz]

2 hours ago, blondiek237 said:

I am not a Jax fan, but he had a point on the beach clean up.  It's like all the big wigs taking individual private jets to go to a climate conference then lecture us on how to lower our carbon footprint.  Why not do clean up closer to home, or all go in just 1 car

Or pick a beach that actually needed to be cleaned up. 

[SarahPrtr]

34 minutes ago, nexxie said:

Scheana is one seriously screwed up individual - and Brett, the only sane answer to her video request was “No thanks” dumbass.

Oh, he knew what he was getting himself into.  Don't play innocent with me, wanker!

 

Every single new cast member is boring as hell and I just skip over their parts, unless they're with three or more original members.

[Little Lady Back]

Brittany is looking thicker than a snicker and Jax just looks jaxed-up! No words for Schaena!!

   

[nexxie]

Jax - aging, out of style, past it-boy - had himself a good ol’ narcissistic rage at newer, younger, still in style it-boy and all his beachy pals.

As she said, Brittany knew the man she was marrying - silly, wedding addled girl.

[politichick]

The previews look interesting. Jax will probably seriously blow a gasket re: the Toms on two fronts!

I liked that Adriana is a serious cook. I want that copper pot thing she had going on.

Why does Brittany look about a thousand pounds heavier in her talking heads?

I like James and am glad he is getting his act together. Hopefully it is permanent. I kind of wonder if Raquel is playing a part. Is she really as dumb as she portrays? I hope not. At least she got it together enough to threaten to leave James.

Giving BJs and allowing it to be recorded. Seriously, Kristin?

[Ubiquitous]

2 hours ago, politichick said:

Giving BJs and allowing it to be recorded. Seriously, Kristin?

Unless I zoned out last night, i think you meant Schemer. 

[DrSparkles]

Thank you @ParadoxLost for looking up that foolery.

I haven’t liked LVP for a very long time but when she sat down and took a sip of James’ drink, I almost had to throw my TV into my pool. Bitch.

[Petunia13]

7 hours ago, Ubiquitous said:

This ep was a snoozer, plus I went out for dinner earlier, so I wasn't really paying attention (mm, margaritas!)

Dining out and no social distancing where you’re at? 😮 

[politichick]

53 minutes ago, Ubiquitous said:

Unless I zoned out last night, i think you meant Schemer. 

She offered Brett a blow job when they met to do the video, but Jax and Kristin were arguing about a BJ video that was recorded four weeks or four years ago. I rarely agree with Brittany, but as she said, why is he so fucking pressed about something that is not his business.

[Ubiquitous]

13 minutes ago, Petunia13 said:

Dining out and no social distancing where you’re at? 😮 

They've begun loosening the restrictions in Florida this week, but we're still keeping our distance and seating fewer people than normal. 

[becauseIsaidso]

Can't believe jaxass actually admitted to his excessive use of - ahem - recreational drugs, followed by adderall induced dieting! He looked positively sick with his flushed, sweaty face and rage behavior. He won't last two seconds in hillbilly heaven Kentucky - he'd be so bored out of his mind he'd OD on either backstreet drugs or 5th rate hookers and leave brittany looking for her next ticket out of hooterville ( no offense to hooterville intended - just a lame 'pettycoat junction skeevy uncle joe reference)

[princelina]

34 minutes ago, becauseIsaidso said:

Can't believe jaxass actually admitted to his excessive use of - ahem - recreational drugs, followed by adderall induced dieting! He looked positively sick with his flushed, sweaty face and rage behavior. He won't last two seconds in hillbilly heaven Kentucky - he'd be so bored out of his mind he'd OD on either backstreet drugs or 5th rate hookers and leave brittany looking for her next ticket out of hooterville ( no offense to hooterville intended - just a lame 'pettycoat junction skeevy uncle joe reference)

On the plus side he'd probably get his ass kicked by a couple of rednecks 😄 

[SFoster21]

Poor Scheana.  But her face after showing Brett’s current squeeze stills of the “music” (there’s no music) video she shot with Brett should be a gif.

she’s in on the joke

i mean, they are all vulgar and rude —I am so with Ariana on the easy insults and pointless put downs — so Scheana’s nails, hair and accent are no more laughable than the rest.

(Sheet cake? How did these people work in an upscale LA restaurant and know nothing about food?)
 

and Kristin — you go, girl.  Knew I was right about you!

[Elligirl]

12 hours ago, Ubiquitous said:

 

Hey! Mrs Roper joined them! Poor Brett! He is never going to live doing this "music video" down!

 

 

This made me LOL for real.  Thank you!

[albarino]

Wow, this episode was really raunchy. I really didn't need to see the porn video.  I'm not going back to review the episode but wasn't Scheana's fat doing fat rolls during part of it?     I know it is easy to say one is  done with a show (and I've quit Atlanta and NJ because they are so screechy) and I'm borderline with this one.

Jax is out of control and not in a charming way.  What is up with all of the rage texts this season?  Jax, you're on this show so we can laugh at you and feel better about our lives.  You are too old to smoke weed, gain weight and then take adderol to help you lose it.  How about you dry out and do the work you need to do.  You're 40.  Four-Zero.  It really is time to grow up.  Also, I don't think anybody in your friend group cares all that much about you anymore.

Scheana, I was on your side until the music video.  From what I saw, it was soft-core porn.  You don't have a singing voice so this is how you want to capture the market?  LVP, there are bottom limits.  There is no reason to lower the floor for Scheana.  Just, no.  Wondering out loud, is she trying to compete with Lala who has bragged about bjs for pjs?  Don't know.  Both can go.      

Perhaps it is just me but I feel like I'm watching this show self-destruct.  Everybody is too mean/crazy/diabolical and I don't even like anybody on it anymore.

Edited May 7, 2020 by albarino
Correcting auto-correct

[hoodooznoodooz]

I am no hand model, but did y’all see Brittany’s nails during the ring close-up? 

[MVFrostsMyPie]

No I was too confused by her hair and estimating how many millimeters her eyebrows had risen by this time around.