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S08.E13: Prank Wars

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Brett insults Scheana while interviewing her for his YouTube channel, while Katie hosts a girls’ night complete with wine, cheese, and a guest list that doesn’t include Kristen. Raquel stands up for her boyfriend James when Lala questions his sobriety, and Lisa travels home to England to attend her mother’s funeral. Finally, Tom Sandoval and Max toilet paper Jax’s house in honor of his 40th birthday, but their actions spark the beginning of an epic prank battle that threatens to derail Schwartz and Katie’s relationship.

Airs March 31, 2020.

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19 hours ago, AnnieBananie said:

Prank wars. Prank wars. How old are these idiots, 12?

They're all Forever 21.

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1 hour ago, Kiki777 said:

Wow I might cry when they TP Jax’s house - so much precious precious toilet paper...

Forget about the pastor, this is what people should be up in arms about on twitter.

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1 hour ago, Kiki777 said:

Wow I might cry when they TP Jax’s house - so much precious precious toilet paper...

Seriously, I saw some for sale online made of bamboo.  It was brown and imported.  No thanks.

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Tom & Ariana’s “furniture”. LOL

Hopefully my eyes will never be subjected to the torture of Max’s bare flamingo legs again. 

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1 minute ago, Emmeline said:

Wow, LaLa is a bitch.  Why does she think so highly of herself?  Oh yes, because she gives great BJ’s to get the big bucks.  

She's in for a rude awakening when Randall trades her in for a younger blonde (which, given that his ex-wife is only 2 years older than Lala, probably won't be long).

I predict that that break up will be garnished by a restraining order against her.

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Oh the hijinx and shenanigans these crazy kids get into! Something tells me Jaxass and his heifer will not appreciate the hilarity. They’re a little too full of themselves after Weddingpalooza. Have they started complaining about people being cheap with the wedding checks? 

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How does Arianna think these idiots can fuck up her empty house?  There's literally nothing in it for them to destroy.

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James is the boy who cried wolf.  He’s lied about his drinking so many times on this show, like more than two dozen.  It was the subject of every episode last season.  “James, have you been drinking?”  Drunken, bathed in coke-sweat James:  “No!”  I’m open to believe he’s been sober since the AA meeting, not a day before. 

Those riding pants were not forgiving.  Not flattering on Lisa or Ariana.  Judgment alert:  I think it’s really disturbing for people to be sexual and romantic with animals, and Lisa does both on a pretty regular basis.  I also don’t like that she’s suddenly speaking French, when she hasn’t spoken French in the last 10 years that we’ve known her.  It strikes me as yet another gambit for attention.  

Scheana begging another man to date her when he makes it crystal clear he’s not into her.  And she is definitely a “fuck girl.”  She said last season on WWHL that she is hanging and banging, and now she’s saying it again.  How is she not a fuck girl?  And, no, she’s not middle-aged, but I think it’s funny how much that got under her skin, so I’m glad Brett said it.  Three cliches not 30 minutes into the episode:  James is lying about substance abuse, Lisa is trying to get attention, Scheana is desperate.

Katie is starting an all-out war against Kristen.  Why?  Because she won’t break up with her boyfriend?  Is that not the most middle school thing ever?

Oh, wait, hold that thought, Flat Iron is TPing someone’s house as a joke 😒 So Schwartz is now the mature one?  I have to agree with Jax that it’s not funny.  It’s just stupid.  Grow up.  

There are 550,000 people who subscribe to Brett on YouTube?  This explains so much!

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Katie has shown how truly despicable she is by serving Witches of Weho to the coven while excluding  Kristin. 

Everything Raquel wears has puffy sleeves or tons of frou-frou shit. 

Edited by nytonc
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Lots to unpack!

Schwartz is a passive aggressive pussy. For all of his 'buubuuh-ing' when he's sober, it doesn't take much in the way of booze to bring out the fact that he pretty much HATES Katie. Oops! I forgot the marriage license?

Whoever said Lala is a dry drunk nailed it. Wow. For being a 'dummy', Rachel held her own pretty nicely, thank you very much. I think she's tough as nails. And James' exes are awfully obsessed with him after the fact. I've said it before, I think he's the only one out of all of them that's genuinely talented. Sober, he'll really have a chance to leave all these chucklefucks in the lurch.

Scheana, while Brett was a total dick, YOU said fuckboy. He probably thinks, rightly, that you think he's your next one. You would be wrong. Sorry not sorry he called you out on it on camera.

This Charley chick really thinks she's all that, doesn't she? Neither she nor Danica are half as cute as they think they are. And they are all sleeping with Brett or Max or both and pretending they don't care that the other one is, or something. And Scheana can't stand it. Because both Brett and Max have friend-zoned her. Used to be being BEST FRIENDS meant with benefits. Not with these guys.

 

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On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2020 at 12:00 AM, OnceSane said:

"Prank Wars". Brett insults Scheana while interviewing her for his YouTube channel, while Katie hosts a girls’ night complete with wine, cheese, and a guest list that doesn’t include Kristen. Raquel stands up for her boyfriend James when Lala questions his sobriety, and Lisa travels home to England to attend her mother’s funeral. Finally, Tom Sandoval and Max toilet paper Jax’s house in honor of his 40th birthday, but their actions spark the beginning of an epic prank battle that threatens to derail Schwartz and Katie’s relationship.

  • Thank you, successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks, for showing us how to give boners to ponies.
  • Katie's having a party! Kristen's not invited! What could possibly go wrong if when she finds out? Sadly, when while reading off the guest list, I totally wondered who Charli was!
  • I totally didn't recognize who wanted to interview Schemer for his YouTube page. Why the hell would he put that with his exercise videos? Was this  a sneaky and underhanded way to get rid of her? Whoa, back off, Schemer! He's not into you!
  • In honor of Jax's 40th birthday, Tom and Max TP his house. Besides being childish and a waste of an important resource in this new Wuhan Flu world, who the hell does it in broad daylight?
  • What did Brett mean about never seeing Schemer's place while sober before? Oh yeah, they banged each other between seasons and that's why she's stalking him.
  • Meanwhile, at stately Lisa Vanderbucks mansion, Lisa is planning to attend her mother's funeral. Wait, I thought she said she was unable to attend it, which is why she made it to the interminable wedding.
  • Naturally, Schemer tattles to Kristen about frumpy Katie's party.
  • At the party, Lala bullies Raquel for no decent reason. Damn, this is like watching someone kicking a stupid puppy.
  • Jax, with the help of "Fofty", gets his revenge on Flat Iron Tom. I don't why Katie and Schwartz got into a nasty fight about it. Arianna demonstrates that she is serious about comedy and pranks.
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I haven’t watched yet, but wait. Why isn’t Scheana telling everyone that she and the really tall guy she was kissing at Brittany and Jax’s wedding reception are, like, best friends now and that she bought him a Lexus?

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None of the women looked particularly well put-together at the Hate Kristen party.  Raquel probably looked the best.  Cute top.  I noticed since last year’s reunion that she really knows how to balance out her huge shoulders.  Every time I see Charli, I notice her outfit and note to self never to order it online, as it may be tainted with Charli-sweat.  

Charli made an ok point about why Lala would be coming for Raquel so hard.  Raquel held her own, while Lala stood there like the Wife of Dracula, comparing herself to a Michael Vick Pitbull.  Just me—just me, no one else—I think it’s a little too soon for Mike Vick jokes.  He did one of the lowest things of anyone I can name who is still living, and I don’t think what he did should be mixed into pop culture as if he just made a sex tape or something.  That’s my opinion, so agree to disagree in advance!

Jax pronounced “homage” correctly.  Most people say It like “hom-midg,” but Jax actually said “ah-mag.”  Be still my heart.  

Brittney did the thing to Kristen that I didn’t like that she did to Lala last season—she brought up a really uncomfortable situation.  Last year, it was all, “Lala, I feel so awful I didn’t put you in my wedding,” and this year it’s “Kristen, I felt really weird that I was at a party you weren’t invited to.”  Like, Kristen isn’t shy.  She’ll bring it up if she wants to bring it up.  Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it.  Don’t force her for camera time.

That shitty table and chairs at Tom and Ariana’s are rented??  From whom, a homeless person?  Ariana didn’t want to drop $100 to just buy them?  How much less could the rental be?  She couldn’t rent halfway decent furniture?  Maybe don’t buy a 1.8 million dollar home in the valley if the furniture looks distinctly worse than that of the average grad student who is driving a Ford Focus.  

Ok, so I hate pranks.  But if Randall is going to go to the expense of hiring fake police with fake cop cars, to arrest Tom for a prank he actually committed, at least he’s going for it, so I give him a modicum of credit for going the whole nine yards.  And, more importantly, it reminds me of Arrested Development and the Hot Cops constantly going around enforcing law and having hilarious mishaps!  Flat Iron was a good sport.  Ariana and Katie on the other hand?  Jesus, this is getting tiring.  

I’m not surprised that neither of the Toms seem to be getting any these past few years.

Schwartz getting aggressive and telling Beau to “sit down on this one” is perhaps the most I’ve ever liked him.  In addition to refusing to TP Jax’s house, and calling Ariana an idiot (finally it’s Tom Schwartz being blunt with Tom Sandoval’s partner and not the other way around), this might be his best episode yet. 

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I was pleasantly surprised by Raquel standing up to Lala. I think Lala was pissed that she couldn't dominate her like normal.  

Also schwartsy was ugly, and I think Bubba is an unhappy slob. So it doesnt make me fee too bad for her.

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I would never, ever want to hurt you.

Making you think something that isn’t there.

I don’t look at you like that.

Like, I look at you, like, as, like, a guy friend...

 

You know what, who knows? 

Maybe one day.

 

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I love jokes and hate to admit with douche Jax but seriously tping someone’s house is so lame. It’s not that funny and then it has to all be cleaned up. I have tp’d someone’s house before I’ll admit but I was like 14 maybe lol if not younger.

Pretty obvious Jax doesn’t like Sandoval anymore and is in love with Rand cause he gives Jax fancy things lol. 

Katie is a joy killer but Schwartz insults are so low. She’s also pretty low tho like not inviting Kristen to her wine night and all those other randoms on purpose to make her feel left out. I guess they deserve each other lol. Schwartz just gets to be an angry drunk at a certain point he even seemed to wanna start arguing with Beau.

The police prank was pretty funny. 
 

Jax and Rand and I’m sure others but def Jax and Rand are doing coke at almost all these events lol. It’s pretty obvious.

Brett is a douche. That whole interview was weird and rude.

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1 hour ago, Ubiquitous said:
  • At the party, Lala bullies Raquel for no decent reason. Damn, this is like watching someone kicking a stupid puppy.

In this case the puppy bit back and IMO, won the battle.  Not just because she talked back and made sense, but because the other girls were all giving "Lala" the side-eye.  Best fight of the evening, IMO.  And "Lala" thinks she's so hot, but wouldn't a Michael Vick pitbull be a poor dog that had been abused and tortured into fighting viciously for survival? "Lala" was the big dummy in this fight 

ETA:  Speaking of abusing animals - who knew LVP and Whitney Way Thore were soul sisters in that arena? 😖

Edited by princelina
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37 minutes ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

I would never, ever want to hurt you.

Making you think something that isn’t there.

I don’t look at you like that.

Like, I look at you, like, as, like, a guy friend...

 

You know what, who knows? 

Maybe one day.

It was an interesting gender reversal.

Brett, basically: "You're like a guy's girl. You're not like other girls."
Scheana, basically: "But I could be like other girls. In bed. PLEASE LOVE ME."

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Now that Jax and Brittany are maaariieeed, the season has no storyline so the producers are grabbing for the low-hanging fruit.  Bringing in the boring Gen-Zer cast is not saving the show. 

The TPing of Jax’s trees was so pointless but because he is such a douche, happy to see anybody get under his skin.  At least Sandoval appears to have a heart.

Katie acting like a victim with Schwartz was laughable.  Have them be married or give them fiancés but she and Stassi will always be the Mean Girls.  No need for them to be so horrible to Kristin.  

Alcohol is truly the truth serum in Schwartz’s case and who could blame him for going off?  He probably happy to not have a marriage certificate.

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I remember that great old commercial with Shelly Hack and Bobby Short singing about “Charlie” perfume.

I wonder what the Charli of “Vanderpump Rules” perfume might smell like?

I am thinking sweat, Jaegermeister and cum. 

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What Katie did to Kristen this episode was so incredibly cruel and very middle school mean girl. Even Stassi knew it was wrong and seemed uncomfortable with it. While she won't directly challenge Queen Katie she's smart enough to know how badly it was going to look, which is why she kept saying "Kristen is going to be very upset" multiple times. Brittany also knew that it wasn't going to look good and that's why I think she brought it up to Kristen on camera. She wanted to make sure the audience knew that she wasn't on board with what Katie did. Katie invited every female cast member and "friend of" and left Kristen out. There is no way Katie would have invited all of those people if she hadn't wanted to hurt Kristen. Katie is not a welcoming person and she wasn't friends with most of those women. Now Stassi is doing the same thing with her wedding. With friends like those...

I don't buy what James is selling. He is a very good manipulator but his track record speaks for itself. He may or may not be drinking but I don't think he's sincere in anything he says about drinking, being sober, or being a changed person. He's repeating lines he's heard others say and sometimes he can sound very convincing but I don't believe him. His conversations with Lisa are nauseatingly fake on both ends and hard for me to watch. If he's stopped drinking it's because he likes the praise and attention it brings him not because he feels true remorse for his behavior. 

I don't even like Raquel, but Lala has managed to make me sympathetic towards her. Her attacks were way out of line. Lala is really on a high horse and I for one can't wait for her to come tumbling down. Who says they have to put someone in their place? I can't think of a single situation where that would be an appropriate thing to think or say. Being the fiancé of a successful producer has made Lala even more full of herself than she was at the beginning of the show.

The prank wars were so freaking lame. TPing a house? I thought that practice peaked in the 1980s and ended in the 1990s. Even though Sandoval was lame for doing it, Jax is so vile it didn't bother me. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving person. The revenge prank was more sophisticated, but the appropriateness of of it depends on the person being pranked. Sandoval could take it so it was fine, but it wouldn't have been okay if the target had been someone else. I'm a little uncomfortable with Randall pranking someone on his productions who, presumably, depends on him for a job. The power dynamic in that situation means the person being pranked can't really say anything if it made them uncomfortable. Even if it happens at the end of production, if the person isn't a good sport about it they may not get hired on other productions. Maybe I'm just sensitive because I know people who work in Hollywood and have had to put up with a lot of shit (including sexual harassment) because speaking up could get them fired and blackballed in the industry.

Scheana is so embarrassing and Brett is a moron. Those two are perfectly matched in the IQ department. They're both very shallow and self involved too. Brett was being an ass during that interview. Scheana is not middle aged, and even if she was, it's a rude thing to say that about a woman, particularly in the entertainment industry. I wish these new cast members and "friends of" (including Raquel, even though she handled herself well this episode) would go away. 

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4 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

That shitty table and chairs at Tom and Ariana’s are rented??  From whom, a homeless person?  Ariana didn’t want to drop $100 to just buy them?  How much less could the rental be?  She couldn’t rent halfway decent furniture?  Maybe don’t buy a 1.8 million dollar home in the valley if the furniture looks distinctly worse than that of the average grad student who is driving a Ford Focus.  

 

Sandoval said in an interview that production told him not to get any furniture so they could stick with the season long theme of their empty house...

 

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6 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

Every time I see Charli, I notice her outfit and note to self never to order it online, as it may be tainted with Charli-sweat.  

Did she say she returned dresses to the store after wearing them once?

6 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

Charli made an OK point about why Lala would be coming for Raquel so hard.

I have no recollection of that. I swear, Charli is like some sort of TV vampire to me that cannot be recorded.

2 hours ago, glowbug said:

I'm a little uncomfortable with Randall pranking someone on his productions who, presumably, depends on him for a job. The power dynamic in that situation means the person being pranked can't really say anything if it made them uncomfortable. Even if it happens at the end of production, if the person isn't a good sport about it they may not get hired on other productions. Maybe I'm just sensitive because I know people who work in Hollywood and have had to put up with a lot of shit (including sexual harassment) because speaking up could get them fired and blackballed in the industry.

Good point!

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1 hour ago, IslandGirl said:

Sandoval said in an interview that production told him not to get any furniture so they could stick with the season long theme of their empty house...

 

Sorry, not to put you on the spot, but would you happen to have a link to the interview?  

I googled this, and found a story where Lala said she liked Brittney’s house the most because it’s decorated, and Ariana’s is not.  Ariana’s response was that it’s hard to decorate when you are going to have people over, unless you want to put pictures of yourself up in your house like Scheana, which gave me more questions than answers (and why throw Scheana, your “best friend” in front of the bus like that?)...

This reasoning—the show’s/flat iron’s reasoning, not yours—makes zero sense to me.  

What is a “theme of an empty house”?  That a ghost lives there?  Lol

The show is “allowing” them to buy homes for 1.9 million dollars, but they draw the line at furniture?  The secret is out—the don’t work for tips at SUR anymore.  Why would their lifestyles have to improve on someone else’s timeline?  The cat is out of the bag.  

I thought both Katie’s and Brittney’s homes looked significantly more furnished/decorated.

What would the penalty of violating said rule be for the violators?  Their home doesn’t get airtime?  Great, fewer people to figure out where I live and burglarize me!

And, I guess I’m confused why Ariana can rent a table and chairs, but not purchase same?  Doesn’t the renting violate the theme of empty houses?

I think they were just too cash poor, lazy and unmotivated to buy furniture.  Right now I believe Sandoval about following a theme as much as I believed him that Stassi’s book signing at TomTom couldn’t be carried out because it was a violation of the labor code or something.

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15 minutes ago, Ubiquitous said:

Did she say she returned dresses to the store after wearing them once?

I have no recollection of that. I swear, Charli is like some sort of TV vampire to me that cannot be recorded.

Charli was wearing, I think, a chartreuse tube top to a party a few episodes ago and when someone complimented her on it, she bragged that it was going back.  Gross.

Lol, Charli is the dark-haired one who looks like she’s 11.  You’re fortunate for not remembering her!  Anyway, she said that she thinks Lala’s so upset, because Lala secretly still likes James, and that “you can still like someone and know you’re not supposed to be with them and still secretly hate their girlfriend.”  I was a little taken aback by her insight.  I don’t think Lala’s been read that good in awhile.  Although, a stopped clock is still right twice a day!

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Did anyone notice that fluffy pink blanket under the saddle on Lisa’s horse?  Is that the same one given to her by her ex-friend Teddi Mellencamp?  Awkward. 

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My impression about production supposedly telling Tom and Ariana not to get furnitures was a continuity issue.  Their house wasn’t furnished yet when filming started so if they all the sudden had a furnished house at some point, it would be obvious how they edit certain things. 
 

Lala can shut up and go away.  So rude and I’m sorry but if Rand is some hot shot producer you would think he would like a lady that is calm and represents him well in public.   She’s an embarrassment and just because you BJ for a PJ does not make you the queen.  Get on your knees bitch!  I’m also convinced she may not be drinking but she certainly seemed to be on something when she went on her tirade.

Which brings me to my next point.  Rand and Jax are always coked up.  They both had knowledge of the police prank, but for all the other people at that after party who didn’t know the cops were fake, I have to think a good many of them were shitting their pants for fear of getting busted for possession.  I think there was a fair share of party favors present at that house party.  
 

Rand is a lame try hard.  Gawd he is a dork.  I don’t like him, I don’t find him endearing.  I find him annoying and a show boat.  When are they going to throw the Fofty stuff in their face?  Soon????  I hope.

Tom Sandy is wearing two belts.  That is all.

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1 hour ago, Ubiquitous said:

I have no recollection of that. I swear, Charli is like some sort of TV vampire to me that cannot be recorded.

This makes me sad. IMO Charli has been amazing in her brief blink-and-miss-it moments. I think we're only getting dribs and drabs of her because Charli is reality TV gold and she would outshine some of the OG (*cough Tequila Couch Lock Katie cough*) so they'd rather show poor Kristen take it on the chin for the nine millionth time this season. 

...the way she spells her name bugs me, though. 

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9 hours ago, Marley said:

Pretty obvious Jax doesn’t like Sandoval anymore and is in love with Rand cause he gives Jax fancy things lol. 

I imagine Jax believes that C-List Producer Rand is going to jump start his acting career.  You know, the way his direct-to-video efforts have made Lala a star.  I checked his filmography at IMDB.  Most of his library is crap movies no one has ever heard of - although he was a producer of "The Irishman" and "Lone Survivor" (the latter film had 31 so-called "producers").  

I think after this episode I'm out of VPR.  I see no redeeming social value in any of these clowns and although I'm a fan of LVP, I can't stomach these self-absorbed mean girls, bullies, drunks and assholes any further.  They're not funny, they're not entertaining.  They're a bunch of "middle aged" idiots who still think they just got out of high school.  

 

1 hour ago, geauxaway said:

but for all the other people at that after party who didn’t know the cops were fake

Then they're stupid as hell, since those police cars didn't REMOTELY look like LAPD or LASO and I'm pretty sure these clowns have seen their share of both.  "Police" written in relatively small letters on the driver door instead of large letters across both doors.  

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7 minutes ago, Carolina Girl said:

Then they're stupid as hell, since those police cars didn't REMOTELY look like LAPD or LASO and I'm pretty sure these clowns have seen their share of both.  "Police" written in relatively small letters on the driver door instead of large letters across both doors.  

Remember, though, they were all high and drunk out of their minds.  And we aren’t dealing with the brightest bunch to begin with (minus Ariana because as you know she has the highest IQ).  I agree those cops were cheesy AF, but after a long day of partying I might have been fooled, too!  

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6 hours ago, glowbug said:

She wanted to make sure the audience knew that she wasn't on board with what Katie did.

If you excluded from a party someone I call a friend for purely nasty and humiliating reasons, as the Fat Kat did, I'd be telling you that I couldn't subscribe to it and to have a lovely party but I can't go along with what you're doing.  So shut the fuck up, Brittany, you aren't fooling anybody.  

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1 hour ago, geauxaway said:

When are they going to throw the Fofty stuff in their face?

I think they have already mentioned it.  The Queen of Fucking Everything got in James' face when he made a comment about it on either Twitter or Instagram, I think.  

Get used to it bitch.  Whatever true social circles you and the Rand move in will be whispering about you behind their hands at every gathering you attend.  

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Katie and Tom aren’t even legally married - why stay together. They’re like a very bad habit.

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3 minutes ago, Carolina Girl said:

I think they have already mentioned it.  The Queen of Fucking Everything got in James' face when he made a comment about it on either Twitter or Instagram, I think.  

Get used to it bitch.  Whatever true social circles you and the Rand move in will be whispering about you behind their hands at every gathering you attend.  

I wonder what Hollywood circle Rand runs with?  I’m guessing none of the good ones.  

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Why is Katie obligated to invite Kristen to any of her parties?  They're not friends anymore.  Kristen has said an equal amount of crappy things as Katie has said about her.

Kristen has been exhausting in every single relationship she has had on this show.  And she never has a clean break up.  Not once.  Sandavol, James, Carter--constant yo-yoing back and forth.  "I love him, I hate him, he's my best friend, I can't live without him, I can't live with him, I hate him but will have sex with him on a beamer hood, I want nothing to do with him but will go out of my way to trash him".

She's exhausting.  I would have dumped her as a friend at this point too.

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