S07.E10: Destinee's Story

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

Born as 'Mathew', Destinee never felt as if she fit in. Now, having come out as a 600 lb. transgender woman, she likes her curves, but she will need to say goodbye to them if she wants to be approved to transition completely.

As we all know, we will likely see  Destinee's curves in all their naked and/or blurred glory.  What is My 600 Lb. Life without a shower and/or toilet scene?  That's right, less demeaning!

As stated in the TLC episode description, Destinee is a transgender woman.  At PTV, we follow the GLAAD guidelines regarding talking about transgender persons.  With that in mind, Destinee was, is and will be female.  She is a woman.  If you have any questions about these guidelines, please PM your kitty Mod @PrincessPurrsALot and your breakfast treat Mod @frenchtoast.  

This thread will open after the US East Coast showing.

Original air date 2019.03.06

[AVM]

was there ever a goal weight ?

Edited March 7, 2019 by AVM

[CringeWatcher]

Re-watching because it’s basically a sleep aid and I was so busy reading live chat I missed a lot, so I just noticed that when they pile up to go to Houston for the 1st visit, she said her sister is too young to drive. Her sister, who looks to be around 400 lbs, is too young to drive. Dis not good situation. 

[Hannah94]

7 minutes ago, AVM said:

Is there ever a goal weight ?

In earlier episodes, there was. But I haven't seen that lately. ?

[ams1001]

22 minutes ago, CringeWatcher said:

Re-watching because it’s basically a sleep aid and I was so busy reading live chat I missed a lot, so I just noticed that when they pile up to go to Houston for the 1st visit, she said her sister is too young to drive. Her sister, who looks to be around 400 lbs, is too young to drive. Dis not good situation. 

Yeah, I was going to say something about that in the chat, but, well...I got behind and then forgot. I assumed her sister was older since she was coming over to cook breakfast and whatnot. 

[DC Gal in VA]

Okay, I will make this official: did not end up liking her at all. As I said during the Live Chat, she had that "I'm just trying to be the next Twitney" vibe for me. Initially, her backstory really got to me; still does actually 'cause it was awful. However, I just felt kind of reeled in by her at first and then gobsmacked with her very self-centered, sometimes entitled attitude like expecting Dr. Now to just "recognize" her half-assed efforts. Even her getting it together in the last 15 or 20 minutes felt like a manipulation to me.

Oh well, YMMV.

[Swiss]

Good grief.  Put some clothes on and cover up. 

[gardendiva]

So in her first trip to Houston, she can barely squeeze into a pickup truck, but the second trip, where she does not look much smaller to me, she slides into a small sports car. How did she manage that?  Maybe that rental car crybaby should watch this episode to see how it’s done.

[Hellohappylife]

Wow. I lost count of all of her excuses. Her comment at her brother’s grave “if my brother didn’t die then I wouldn’t be this big” HORRIBLE!!!

What was so wrong with that apartment? I mean we all saw that mess she  left behind,it looked like she’d never vacuumed the place,and she has the nerve to complain about a cabinet? 

Destinee,Please,please cover up!!!  It’s perfectly fine to love your body,breast etc but there is a time and place for such outfits. I have a transgender sibling,and I worry all the time that some idiot will attack her because of her appearance. There have been so many trans people killed just because there are guys out there who become full of rage because they feel tricked.

As unlikeable as Destinee is,I  would hate For something terrible to happen to her.

[Callaphera]

I legitimately could not tell if she really wanted to have her appendix (or stomach or whatever it was she was asking for) put into a mason jar so she could put it on her shelf like some super freaky curio or not. 

Every time she went in for a weigh in, the way she kept saying - via voice-over - that she hoped she would get her weight loss surgery, not get approved for her weight loss surgery (y'know, like how most of them read it from their script), made it sound like she actually expected them to take her immediately from the exam room to the hospital to check in so the surgery could happen five minutes after that. Which after watching her for two hours, she might actually have expected that. 

Also that burlesque class was such bullshit. Like, I'm sure every-day people taking the class don't want to take their Intro to Beginner's Burlesque while being filmed by TLC cameras but everyone in that room except Destinee was wearing branded clothing from that dance studio. They could have tried a little harder to make it look believable. 

Destinee: Couldn't stand a few scuffs on the wall but had no problem with that crack in her windshield. 

[Concerned]

7 hours ago, Hellohappylife said:

Wow. I lost count of all of her excuses. Her comment at her brother’s grave “if my brother didn’t die then I wouldn’t be this big” HORRIBLE!!!

What was so wrong with that apartment? I mean we all saw that mess she  left behind,it looked like she’d never vacuumed the place,and she has the nerve to complain about a cabinet? 

Destinee,Please,please cover up!!!  It’s perfectly fine to love your body,breast etc but there is a time and place for such outfits. I have a transgender sibling,and I worry all the time that some idiot will attack her because of her appearance. There have been so many trans people killed just because there are guys out there who become full of rage because they feel tricked.

As unlikeable as Destinee is,I  would hate For something terrible to happen to her.

She looked like she could take care of herself, particularly when moving the sofa, standing up from the floor in the gym and driving the truck. Her arms were muscular, not the hanging bags of jello we usually see on this show. Even though she’s trans, her linebacker physique likely discourages bullying.

[AVM]

9 hours ago, CringeWatcher said:

Re-watching because it’s basically a sleep aid and I was so busy reading live chat I missed a lot, so I just noticed that when they pile up to go to Houston for the 1st visit, she said her sister is too young to drive. Her sister, who looks to be around 400 lbs, is too young to drive. Dis not good situation. 

I believe she said the sister has poor vision  to drive that long distance ,not that she was too young.. to.

Edited March 7, 2019 by AVM

[Minivanessa]

8 hours ago, gardendiva said:

So in her first trip to Houston, she can barely squeeze into a pickup truck, but the second trip, where she does not look much smaller to me, she slides into a small sports car. How did she manage that?  Maybe that rental car crybaby should watch this episode to see how it’s done.

It's completely possible that it was drah-mah for the tv cameras. But it's also true that the overall size of the car doesn't directly relate to how well it will accommodate a big person in the driver's seat. The configuration, and adjustability, of the driver's seat and steering wheel column are critical. The size and configuration of the doors also matter. I've read somewhere that the small Toyota Yaris is often the choice of obese people because it's comfortable to drive. I know someone who's quite tall and heavy (in the 200's) who drives-  and loves - that car.

Here's one of many articles online about cars for large people, which includes small as well as large vehicles (VW Beetle, for example): https://www.ranker.com/list/comfortable-cars-for-large-people/car-lists

10 hours ago, CringeWatcher said:

Re-watching because it’s basically a sleep aid and I was so busy reading live chat I missed a lot, so I just noticed that when they pile up to go to Houston for the 1st visit, she said her sister is too young to drive. Her sister, who looks to be around 400 lbs, is too young to drive. Dis not good situation. 

38 minutes ago, AVM said:

I believe she said the sister has poor vision  to drive hat distance ,not that she was too young.. to.

I think she said her sister was too young and her mother's vision was too poor, which left Destinee as the driver.

As to the bigger picture, I'm with @DC Gal in VA - got the vibe that Destinee was all happy to be on TV.  I didn't like her a lot, but given all the sad and difficult things she went through from young childhood on, I find myself cutting her some slack. I'm glad she got to Houston where she has a chance to connect with not only other trans people, but a more accepting community than tiny-town Louisiana. Including her friend who already lived there and was so sweet and helpful. I know, she's a fashion disaster, but maybe if she's no longer as isolated as she seemed to be at the start, she'll improve.

Like @Callaphera, I was put off by her "getting surgery today" comments. Skipping over the "getting approved" part of it. It was hard to tell how much of the weight loss/surgery process she really understood or even cared about, vs. the "getting on TV" thing. She sure as hell seemed flummoxed at that first appointment with Dr. Now, that he'd expect her to you know, *lose some weight* before getting approved for surgery. That was one awkward initial doctor-patient interview. "What have you done in the past to lose weight?" . . . crickets. "How many times have you worked to lose weight?" . . . crickets.

At least she didn't try to run the "I only eat three meals a day" or "I gained 500 pounds snacking on grapes, crackers, and yogurt" BS that we usually see.

But she obviously didn't follow Dr. Now's instructions about what to eat, because her weight loss for the first, what, 90 minutes of this show was pathetically small. I wonder where she'll be in another year; she seemed to get with the program at the very end. 

Edited March 7, 2019 by Jeeves
Because I keep getting Destinee's name wrong. Oops.

[88Keys]

This is one of the few episodes where I almost felt angry that I watched it.  Even though she got the surgery and lost some weight at the end, the whole thing felt like a giant waste of time.  I don't think she really wanted the surgery.  And maybe she just wanted to be on tv, but if so, she's going to have to develop a much bigger personality.  She was selfish but also just kind of bleh.  And she talked so slow.  I feel like TLC saw "600 pound transgender woman" and thought it would be ratings gold, but it was a snooze.  

And on a shallow note, her brother that died was very handsome.  I did feel like her backstory was genuinely tragic.  I think she has a lot of issues that she needs to work through before she can really focus on being fit and healthy.

[TwirlyGirly]

For me, there was so much to be concerned about with this episode.

At the age of 15, Destinee said, she "had made it to over 350 lbs." And "[T]o make it even harder, I realized around this time that I was gay."

Then she said she came out as gay at 18, while living with her mother. She said her mother had a hard time with the news initially, but eventually came around, while the rest of her family could not accept it. 

Then came the part that really made me sit up and take notice (boldface mine):

"Not only was I gay, but over the next couple of years, I started to live life as a woman. I decided 'Hey, like I look like a woman, maybe I should try on wigs.' And so one day I tried on certain wigs, and makeup, and I was like 'Oh, I'm so beautiful.' I said 'I should,' I said, 'I think I should be a woman.' I said 'I look so good as a woman.' And when I was 22, I decided to start living my life as a full woman."

Being transgender isn't about deciding to present as the gender opposite to the one you were assigned at birth because you look better as that gender.

This is so strange. There is no mention of Destinee ever feeling she was female. According to what we were shown, Destinee's transgender identity is based upon Destinee looking at her body and deciding it conforms more closely to a female body than a male body, and making the decision to present as female because of that.

There was also no mention of Destinee ever seeing a therapist specializing in gender dysphoria, or her being on cross-sex hormone therapy. It doesn't sound like she was ever formally diagnosed as gender dysphoric. As a matter of fact, there would have been no reason for Destinee to be concerned losing weight might result in her losing her breasts and "womanly curves" entirely (she mentioned this more than once) if she was in treatment and receiving hormone therapy.

Later, when Destinee went for her session with Dr. Lola, Lola asked:

"Can you describe to me at what age do you first recall feeling you were not in the right body?" 

Destinee responded "First I realized that I was gay. But I think I was like 21 when I decided to dress as a woman live my life as a woman." 

Destinee did not say she has ever felt she "[was] not in the right body". At least on camera, Lola didn't dig deeper into Destinee's response, which didn't answer the question she'd asked.

I think we all agree Destinee has very deep - and serious - psychological issues, none of which she is responsible for creating (IMHO). Her upbringing was horrible. She never felt loved, protected, or valued as a part of a strong, stable family unit. That she turned to food isn't surprising. She is desperately in need of long-term therapy to address these issues. 

Whether Destinee is truly transgender is questionable to me. Of course, we can only go by what TLC has allowed us to hear of what Destinee said about the issue. It does sound like Destinee has been desperately searching for an identity that will gain her acceptance, so she will finally have the love and support she needs, lacking in her life up to the present. Perhaps she thought the trans community would be that for her.

Or maybe Destinee thinks she'll gain more acceptance from society as a whole (and perhaps her family) dating men if she presents as female, than as a man who is same-sex attracted?

Perhaps there's more - a lot more - about Destinee's trans identity she chose not to share with TLC, or that TLC chose not to share with us.

Also confusing is despite saying she's a trans woman, she still refers to herself as being gay. A trans woman attracted to men isn't gay. Only trans woman attracted to other women are considered gay (lesbian).

TL/DR: Destinee needs some serious, long-term psychotherapy with a therapist who specializes in gender identity to begin to unpack all of the issues which led to her overeating, and to help Destinee determine if she's truly gender dysphoric (meets the clinical criteria for that diagnosis as outlined in the DSM-5), or whether her adopting a trans identity is driven by something else. As much as I like Dr. Lola and Dr. Paradise, I'm not sure either one of them is qualified to do the type of intensive therapy Destinee needs.

Edited March 7, 2019 by TwirlyGirly
Changed "then" to "than"

[libgirl2]

2 minutes ago, TwirlyGirly said:

For me, there was so much to be concerned about with this episode.

At the age of 15, Destinee said, she "had made it to over 350 lbs." And "[T]o make it even harder, I realized around this time that I was gay."

Then she said she came out as gay at 18, while living with her mother. She said her mother had a hard time with the news initially, but eventually came around, while the rest of her family could not accept it. 

Then came the part that really made me sit up and take notice (boldface mine):

"Not only was I gay, but over the next couple of years, I started to live life as a woman. I decided 'Hey, like I look like a woman, maybe I should try on wigs.' And so one day I tried on certain wigs, and makeup, and I was like 'Oh, I'm so beautiful.' I said 'I should,' I said, 'I think I should be a woman.' I said 'I look so good as a woman.' And when I was 22, I decided to start living my life as a full woman."

Being transgender isn't about deciding to present as the gender opposite to the one you were assigned at birth because you look better as that gender.

This is so strange. There is no mention of Destinee ever feeling she was female. According to what we were shown, Destinee's transgender identity is based upon Destinee looking at her body and deciding it conforms more closely to a female body than a male body, and making the decision to present as female because of that.

There was also no mention of Destinee ever seeing a therapist specializing in gender dysphoria, or her being on cross-sex hormone therapy. It doesn't sound like she was ever formally diagnosed as gender dysphoric. As a matter of fact, there would have been no reason for Destinee to be concerned losing weight might result in her losing her breasts and "womanly curves" entirely (she mentioned this more than once) if she was in treatment and receiving hormone therapy.

Later, when Destinee went for her session with Dr. Lola, Lola asked:

"Can you describe to me at what age do you first recall feeling you were not in the right body?" 

Destinee responded "First I realized that I was gay. But I think I was like 21 when I decided to dress as a woman live my life as a woman." 

Destinee did not say she has ever felt she "[was] not in the right body". At least on camera, Lola didn't dig deeper into Destinee's response, which didn't answer the question she'd asked.

I think we all agree Destinee has very deep - and serious - psychological issues, none of which she is responsible for creating (IMHO). Her upbringing was horrible. She never felt loved, protected, or valued as a part of a strong, stable family unit. That she turned to food isn't surprising. She is desperately in need of long-term therapy to address these issues. 

Whether Destinee is truly transgender is questionable to me. Of course, we can only go by what TLC has allowed us to hear of what Destinee said about the issue. It does sound like Destinee has been desperately searching for an identity that will gain her acceptance, so she will finally have the love and support she needs, lacking in her life up to the present. Perhaps she thought the trans community would be that for her.

Or maybe Destinee thinks she'll gain more acceptance from society as a whole (and perhaps her family) dating men if she presents as female, then as a man who is same-sex attracted?

Perhaps there's more - a lot more - about Destinee's trans identity she chose not to share with TLC, or that TLC chose not to share with us.

Also confusing is despite saying she's a trans woman, she still refers to herself as being gay. A trans woman attracted to men isn't gay. Only trans woman attracted to other women are considered gay (lesbian).

TL/DR: Destinee needs some serious, long-term psychotherapy with a therapist who specializes in gender identity to begin to unpack all of the issues which led to her overeating, and to help Destinee determine if she's truly gender dysphoric (meets the clinical criteria for that diagnosis as outlined in the DSM-5), or whether her adopting a trans identity is driven by something else. As much as I like Dr. Lola and Dr. Paradise, I'm not sure either one of them is qualified to do the type of intensive therapy Destinee needs.

I thought the same when Lola asked her. The transgender people I have seen always knew they were in the wrong body. Her response didn't fit. Is being a woman easier for her? 

[KateHearts]

24 minutes ago, TwirlyGirly said:

Whether Destinee is truly transgender is questionable to me. Of course, we can only go by what TLC has allowed us to hear of what Destinee said about the issue. It does sound like Destinee has been desperately searching for an identity that will gain her acceptance, so she will finally have the love and support she needs, lacking in her life up to the present. Perhaps she thought the trans community would be that for her.

I was confused also about how Destinee determines her identity. At first, she states that she realized she was gay as a teenager (I am assuming a gay male?) but then she identified as a woman at some point (would that be a straight woman?). She did not mention taking hormones or working towards a physical transition, but did place a lot of importance on her "curves" and her breasts.

Did anyone notice the green Kia Soul in the parking lot in the scene where she got into her car at Dr. Now's? That is likely the one owned by the previous participant- I forget her name.

[Pondlass1]

Where I live you're stopped almost immediately for not wearing seat belts.  How did she manage to drive one-handed with her boobs up in her face for 4 hours?  It looked so uncomfortable.  And the scanty outfits!  Thank goodness she doesn't live in the icy north. She seemed like the type of person who wanted everything on display.

The episode was as dull and formulaic as the others have been this season.  I guess it's wrong of me to want more fireworks and craziness, but I can't help it.  And none of the obese have been particularly likeable.  I don't find myself rooting for them.

I guess as this is a show about gastric bypass surgery and not gender surgery that is what they focused on.  But her gender identity didn't seem to bother her or cause depression or anxiety or anything.  Everyone in her family apparently accepted her.  She had friends. 

Even her weight didn't seem a big deal either.  She hadn't tried dieting or anything.

I think, as others have said, that she wanted to be on TV. Unfortunately she lacked a personality.  Probably a nice person in RL and I wish her well.

[TwirlyGirly]

1 minute ago, KateHearts said:

Did anyone notice the green Kia Soul in the parking lot in the scene where she got into her car at Dr. Now's? That is likely the one owned by the previous participant- I forget her name.

No, and I can't overstate how annoyed I am at myself at how I never seem to notice stuff in the background other Pounders see ( @Jeeves noticing the golf cart at the airport in Maja's episode, and now YOU noticing a CAR in a PARKING LOT). BTW, it was Maja's car.

(Quickly crosses "private investigator" and "FBI agent" off of list of possible careers in next life)

[JJ1]

53 minutes ago, TwirlyGirly said:

Not only was I gay, but over the next couple of years, I started to live life as a woman. I decided 'Hey, like I look like a woman, maybe I should try on wigs.' And so one day I tried on certain wigs, and makeup, and I was like 'Oh, I'm so beautiful.' I said 'I should,' I said, 'I think I should be a woman.' I said 'I look so good as a woman.' And when I was 22, I decided to start living my life as a full woman."

Being transgender isn't about deciding to present as the gender opposite to the one you were assigned at birth because you look better as that gender.

This is so strange. There is no mention of Destinee ever feeling she was female. According to what we were shown, Destinee's transgender identity is based upon Destinee looking at her body and deciding it conforms more closely to a female body than a male body, and making the decision to present as female because of that.

I had the EXACT same reaction to her comments. While I am certainly no expert on the transgender experience, everything I have heard about it clearly states that it is almost an out-of-body type existence. Your mind is telling you that you are Sex A, while your body is Sex B. It is NOT about deciding that you just like wearing wigs, makeup and sexy clothes.

But nobody ever seemed to question her about the terminology. 

[pdlinda]

13 hours ago, CringeWatcher said:

Re-watching because it’s basically a sleep aid and I was so busy reading live chat I missed a lot, so I just noticed that when they pile up to go to Houston for the 1st visit, she said her sister is too young to drive. Her sister, who looks to be around 400 lbs, is too young to drive. Dis not good situation. 

I agree.  In most states a driver has to be 18 to drive.   I thought the sis looked older than 18.  I also noticed that Des was driving without wearing shoes???  Bare feet?  Is that even safe?  Glad trip was accomplished safely!

[pdlinda]

11 hours ago, Swiss said:

Good grief.  Put some clothes on and cover up. 

I was surprised at her choice of casual clothing that didn't seem to reflect any recognition and/or awareness of the vision she was presenting to the world.  I understand she is completely free to dress any way she chooses.  However, those observing her are just as free to comment on her choice of clothing.

[Delete]

It was interesting that Destinee had her name tattooed on her chest and on full display at all times. I've never seen anyone with their own name tattooed on themselves. Usually it is the name of someone else significant in their lives. 

At very least she'll never need to wear a name tag. 😂

[WonTon]

My thoughts and I genuinely hope I don't offend or hurt anyone's feelings here if they happen to be gay or transgender:

1. To me, she came off as someone who just wanted to be a cross-dresser, which is fine, but not transgender (and please if you can relate, correct me if I'm wrong.)

2. I really don't think she wanted to lose weight and just did this because of pressure from her family.

3. I genuinely wanted to root for her considering her childhood but she seemed to just want people to pat her on the back and tell her it was OK to be overweight considering what she'd been through. 

4. Not sure why she was qualified for surgery, which I also felt about patients who only lose weight when they were hospitalized. To me there clearly could have been someone else out there more deserving.

Edited March 7, 2019 by WonTon

[CrazyInAlabama]

I think Destinee didn't want to say everything that she was feeling on camera, and I can't fault her for that.  Lola finally did a decent job in therapy.    Plus, who knows how much more was said in the therapy session that wasn't shown?     I really wish that Destinee would learn to dress better, especially if she's going to try for a regular job.     The tiny tank tops were not a good choice, and the dress should be sent away.     There are so many better choices for her available.   

I really wish she would make a friend who is one of those people with great taste, who could help her make fashion choices that flatter her more, and really fit.        How you present yourself to the world in clothing and manner does matter to many employers, and I think with her background of such a hard life, that Destinee is a very compassionate, and loving person.    Her dress needs to reflect that, and show her as the together, classy woman she is.     

I hope she stays in Houston permanently, and makes more friends.    I think she could be very happy there, and there are so many more activities, and ways to meet people there, than in the smaller town she grew up in.   

 I was amazed at how much Destinee cared about a mother that left three little kids in foster care, moved on with her life, and started another family, because I thought that was very selfish of the mother.      I felt very sad that Destinee blamed herself for not saving her brother, because a blood clot like that just wasn't survivable.    

I think the sister didn't drive because of her eye problems, and the mother was too sick.    

Edited March 8, 2019 by CrazyInAlabama

[newyawk]

Another show I couldn't get through. Destiny's voice just got on my nerves and I didn't care about her sob story. Turned it off before she even left home.

[WonTon]

Just now, newyawk said:

Another show I couldn't get through. Destiny's voice just got on my nerves and I didn't care about her sob story. Turned it off before she even left home.

I know it makes me sound awful but I'm kinda ready for a Penny/James/Lisa train wreck episode.

[KateHearts]

I am convinced that the scripts these people read are all written by the same person.  The grammar errors repeat, repeat, repeat.  "Me and my mom are headed back to Houston..."  "Aaron and me are driving to Houston..."  and then- this one puzzles me- the phrase "I need," used improperly.  As in, "I hope I lose the weight so I can get where I need," or, "I am working hard and exercising to be where I need."  That doesn't even make sense to me but I heard it at least 5 times last night.

[mmecorday]

Quote

Did anyone notice the green Kia Soul in the parking lot in the scene where she got into her car at Dr. Now's? That is likely the one owned by the previous participant- I forget her name.

I made note of that in the live chat. I was waiting for them to run into each other in the office.

[cpcathy]

We should have a "What is your eating habit?" thread, subtitled "Grapes, Crackers and Yogurt."

I had to check out after the meltdown over the apartment. Do I have low standards, or did that apartment look fine? the carpet was even cleaned or at least vacuumed (heavy vacuum marks).

[mmecorday]

My guess is she found the lack of posters of herself plastered everywhere objectionable.

[TwirlyGirly]

20 minutes ago, mmecorday said:

I made note of that in the live chat. I was waiting for them to run into each other in the office.

You noticed it too?

On second thought, maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

It just occurred to me you guys who notice these things like golf carts in airports and cars in parking lots ( @Jeeves, @KateHearts, and you) may be just over the whole M600LL thing, have tuned out the Poundicipants, and that's why you notice the background stuff. Whereas I am actually paying attention to the Poundicipants - because, you know, they are the reason the show exists. 😉

(Pats self on back and adds  "Criminal Profiler" to list of possible careers in next life).

Edited March 7, 2019 by TwirlyGirly

[frenchtoast]

****Mod Note*****

Please don't discuss mod actions in the topics. It derails the conversation. Any questions or concerns, please take to PM with your mods @frenchtoast and @PrincessPurrsALot.

Also, the conversation regarding Destinee and her clearly truncated and edited transgender journey has thus far been what we already knew about Pounders--kind, thoughtful and respectful. Just be careful to not conflate Destinee's journey, stalled though it may be, with all other trans folk. As we know, we're like the offerings at QVC--we come in all different sizes, colors, flavors and shapes. One person does not represent all nor do they have to conform to a certain specific narrative. 

[Dianaofthehunt]

I only caught Destinee's story in the preview. After one look at that tube dress, I decided not to tune in. My esthetic standards couldn't take it.
 

[kj4ever]

These people are always given what I consider a very easy amount of weight to lose to get qualified for surgery.  While I realize that everybody is different, I have experienced someone losing weight starting at 525.

We went to Weight Watchers together back in the day, and she got something like 50 some odd points because of her weight.  Exercise points were off the charts because of her weight.  I mean I got something like 22 points I think?  and calculated out it always hit around 1200 calories a day.  My friend was getting double that and while I would get 1 extra point for walking briskly for a half hour she'd get something like 11 or 12 points for a slow crawl.

The weeks I was incredibly strict I would lose a pound or two.  The weeks she was incredibly strict she'd lose around 20 pounds.  In. A. Week.  She was eating double my food plus all the "extras".  Your body takes a lot more calories to run when you are big, and it takes a deficit of 3,500 calories to lose a pound.

When I see these people like Destiny drop around 20 pounds I always figure they have gotten desperate towards the end of their two months time and start being good.

[LilMissKnowitall]

I  liked her, I thought she was more reasonable and polite than many of the people we've seen on this show. Her clothing choices weren't always the most flattering but she may not have a lot of resources. I was incredibly impressed with her ability to take care of herself, I'm too chicken to drive a uhaul truck on the highway, and one towing a car?!?! Forget it! She handled her business, got a place to live, got herself around, and did it all pretty matter-of-factly and without the drama and ridiculous melt downs we typically see. 

Regarding her expression of her gender identity she mentioned  it was hard to talk about emotions and seemed uncomfortable/awkward articulating her experiences sometimes; she may not have processed it all yet, or may not be as familiar with the "appropriate" language that many of us are versed in. It didn't sound like she had experienced much interaction in the transgender community and I don't recall seeing her online much so she may simply be unaware, but I trust that she knows best for herself how to live her life. 

I'm kind of surprised I seem to be in the minority about my feelings about her. I liked how she kept moving through stuff and really like her for her desire to be a contributing member of society. 

[TwirlyGirly]

1 hour ago, WonTon said:

<snip>

1. To me, she came off as someone who just wanted to be a cross-dresser, which is fine, but not transgender (and please if you can relate, correct me if I'm wrong. <snip>

My thought as well, so I looked up the term in the GLAAD Media Reference Guide:

"Cross-dresser
While anyone may wear clothes associated with a different sex, the term cross-dresser is typically used to refer to men who occasionally wear clothes, makeup, and accessories culturally associated with women. Those men typically identify as heterosexual. This activity is a form of gender expression and not done for entertainment purposes. Cross-dressers do not wish to permanently change their sex or live full-time as women. Replaces the term 'transvestite'."

So...maybe? The GLAAD definition uses the phrase "typically identify as heterosexual" so I suppose that does leave the door open to those who identify as gay, although that's probably rare.

I think it best to leave the classification, if there is to be one at all, to Destinee and any professionals in the field she may work with, KWIM?

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Destinee does identify as transgender from the little we were told.  Also she does live full time as a woman. So by that criteria, she is not a cross-dresser; she is transgender.  She kept more of her thoughts to herself that many on this show (which increased the boredom factor).  Also, we see a few minutes of an hour long therapy session; she stated she continued seeing Lola.  The way she described her decision to live full time as Destinee was odd, so I see where the questions come from. 

It is not uncommon for someone to go through multiple coming outs while figuring out who they are, so saying gay, then transgender is not that odd.  I agree with the posters who are saying she is not as well versed in the newer language.  While she has the internet, she was also living in a small town.  It will be good for her to be part of a larger community.  

[WonTon]

I also must say, Lola's voice kinda gets on my nerves but I love her wardrobe. I'd love to raid her closet.

[calpurnia99]

25 minutes ago, kj4ever said:

These people are always given what I consider a very easy amount of weight to lose to get qualified for surgery.  While I realize that everybody is different, I have experienced someone losing weight starting at 525.

We went to Weight Watchers together back in the day, and she got something like 50 some odd points because of her weight.  Exercise points were off the charts because of her weight.  I mean I got something like 22 points I think?  and calculated out it always hit around 1200 calories a day.  My friend was getting double that and while I would get 1 extra point for walking briskly for a half hour she'd get something like 11 or 12 points for a slow crawl.

The weeks I was incredibly strict I would lose a pound or two.  The weeks she was incredibly strict she'd lose around 20 pounds.  In. A. Week.  She was eating double my food plus all the "extras".  Your body takes a lot more calories to run when you are big, and it takes a deficit of 3,500 calories to lose a pound.

When I see these people like Destiny drop around 20 pounds I always figure they have gotten desperate towards the end of their two months time and start being good.

exactly, if the 600 pound person eats 1200 calories a day for 2 months, they will lose MORE than the goal, more than 80 pounds they will lose 110 pounds. When they come in losing 20 pounds, it is a joke. It  means instead of 10,000 calories a day she ate 7000. 

I had a different idea of Destinee after the discussion with Lola about transitioning to a woman. She said once she put on the women's clothes and the hair and make up she felt wonderful. It may be that not everyone says "oh I don't feel right in my body, I was born in the wrong body" - they may not experience that feeling in those exact terms, but like Destinee, once they became the other sex they feel amazing. 

[DC Gal in VA]

So I looked up the population of Pineville, Louisiana and it's just under 15,000. I can totally see that being a small, very insular town with, unfortunately, a lot of negative attitudes towards gay and transgender individuals. Really happy she got the Hell outta there. Compared to Houston, with a very diverse population of 2.5 million, it must have seemed like she moved to San Francisco or Paris in comparison. That's Paris, France not Paris, Texas, LOL!😊

Speaking of negative attitudes, I recall Destinee and her mom saying that the mom's family were very racist and unaccepting of her bi-racial children and wanted nothing to do with them. I absolutely cannot wrap my brain around anyone who could look at a tiny newborn and make a decision to hate them because they're the "wrong" race or color, especially grandparents. What a vile bunch of bigots. And don't get me started on her scumbag of a father sperm donor. I wonder if he even bothered to attend his son's funeral. Destinee shouldn't waste a nanosecond mourning the loss of her "dad." Good riddance I say.

Edited March 7, 2019 by DC Gal in VA
Additional comments.

[Hellohappylife]

I know some of us Are wondering if Destinee just likes dressing as a women or if she is actually is transgender. Just because she doesn’t really use the common terminology to describe herself. I can’t say for sure and I have no right to try and analysis that,because I’m not her, I don’t know what she feels on the inside.

At the beginning Destinee said she changed her birth Name “Matthew” but when we saw her check into the Hotel,I heard her tell the desk She’s checking in for “Matthew” 

I hope that she plans on having that legally changed soon,it’s usually the first step most transgender people take in order to become the person they were meant to be. 

[Granny58]

5 hours ago, TwirlyGirly said:

Being transgender isn't about deciding to present as the gender opposite to the one you were assigned at birth because you look better as that gender.

Thank you for this.  I wrote my rant before reading the comments and I'm glad I'm not alone in finding this....odd.

[TwirlyGirly]

Okay...I've been doing more research and have found information which may clear up some of our confusion!

I have been conflating transgender and gender dysphoria. (I.E., "transgender" being the "common term" and "gender dysphoria" being the medical terminology).

Now my research indicates this: while everyone who is gender dysphoric is also transgender, not everyone who is transgender is gender dysphoric.

From an expert blog addressing issues of sex and love, Your Tango:

"Some people who identify as transgender do not have dysphoria related to this identification. They don’t feel upset that they are identifying as the gender opposite their biological sex. In this case, a diagnosis [of gender dysphoria] would not be appropriate. There must be distress about the mismatch between biology and gender in order to gain a diagnosis."

Ah ha! So perhaps that's why some of us questioned whether Destinee is transgender; because she didn't express dysphoria  (distress about a mismatch between her gender identity and sex assigned at birth).

I'm gonna go sit in a corner and eat my words now. But they're high protein/low carb words, so I'll be fine...😉

[Twopper]

1 hour ago, DC Gal in VA said:

So I looked up the population of Pineville, Louisiana and it's just under 15,000. I can totally see that being a small, very insular town with, unfortunately, a lot of negative attitudes towards gay and transgender individuals. Really happy she got the Hell outta there. Compared to Houston, with a very diverse population of 2.5 million, it must have seemed like she moved to San Francisco or Paris in comparison. That's Paris, France not Paris, Texas, LOL!

Pineville is just across the river from Alexandria which is a larger town;  I would guess that the population for both is around 150,000. As it is in the center of the state I went there a lot for conferences in the 70's.   I think she would be better off staying in Houston or New Orleans ( they are both about the same distance to Pineville/Alexandria).

1 hour ago, Hellohappylife said:

At the beginning Destinee said she changed her birth Name “Matthew” but when we saw her check into the Hotel,I heard her tell the desk She’s checking in for “Matthew” 

I hope that she plans on having that legally changed soon,it’s usually the first step most transgender people take in order to become the person they were meant to be. 

We have a FTM in our family;  this was a few years back, but I recall he spent some time in therapy and had to have letters from the doctor(s) before the DMV would change the sex on his DL.  They may not have as many hoops to go thru now.  But yes, I was shocked that she was still legally Matthew.  I think you  can get a legal name change and change that on your DL before you have the sex on the DL changed or both can be done at the same time.

[CrazyInAlabama]

The father sperm donor died a week after Destinee met him, and the sperm donor was so evil to her.  If I remembered that correctly, and I might not have.     

Edited March 7, 2019 by CrazyInAlabama

[Azubah]

Online, it says Destinee is from Opelousas, LA. That's a long way from Pineville. And yeah, I heard them say "Pineville" too. Seems to be a shorter drive from Opelousas.

[Azubah]

I think we should avoid being the trans police. 

Eddie Izzard (whom I love to little tiny pieces) used to say he was a transvestite (and he had some great comedy routines about it. "Executive transvestite!") But now he uses the term transgender. If you google for his name and "transgender" you can read some interviews.

Just my opinion, but I think we should focus on the really important things about Destinee -- the fact that she's a fame whore, that she has terrible taste in clothes, that her tattoos are really amateurish, and that she desperately needs to own a better bra. And maybe that she actually seems pretty nice for someone who's been through a hellish childhood.

[Morgalisa]

I thought she was very nice and I liked her a lot. Her family and friends seemed to genuinely care about her and that is not usually seen with people who are rotten people. She was very self-sufficient and even though she was emotional at times and cried easily, she didnt break down at the most minor things and fall apart. I dont think she is going to need a lot of skin removal. She looked pretty firm. I think she will be very attractive when she transitions.

I too noticed the green Kia and I never notice anything. 

Dr Now was so cute when she asked to hug him. My husband never watches reality TV. But I guess he has been sneaking a peek when he comes thru the room because he said call me when she doesn't lose weight and Dr Now reams her out.

[ams1001]

6 hours ago, Barbara Please said:

It was interesting that Destinee had her name tattooed on her chest and on full display at all times. I've never seen anyone with their own name tattooed on themselves. Usually it is the name of someone else significant in their lives. 

At very least she'll never need to wear a name tag. 😂

She also had "Matthew" on one of her arms.

7 hours ago, TwirlyGirly said:

No, and I can't overstate how annoyed I am at myself at how I never seem to notice stuff in the background other Pounders see ( @Jeeves noticing the golf cart at the airport in Maja's episode, and now YOU noticing a CAR in a PARKING LOT). BTW, it was Maja's car.

(Quickly crosses "private investigator" and "FBI agent" off of list of possible careers in next life)

I didn't notice it either, if it makes you feel better. But then I'm looking at chat more than I'm looking at my TV, I think. (Though my friend has that same car so I would think I'd notice it if I had been looking at the TV when they showed it.)