Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Blergh]

Contrary to the hype on TV, there are plenty of kids who quit playing instruments their parents try to guilt them to play who grow up to   NEVER regret having stood their ground, asserted their autonomy and quit playing said instruments. I'm one of them! 

[Dr.OO7]

A couple in the throes of passion sweeps everything off of a desk/table/counter so as to have sex on it.

Because, you know, there couldn't have been anything valuable or breakable on it and they have no problem cleaning up the huge mess left.

[Blergh]

3 minutes ago, Camille said:

A couple in the throes of passion sweeps everything off of a desk/table/counter so as to have sex on it.

Because, you know, there couldn't have been anything valuable or breakable on it and they have no problem cleaning up the huge mess left.

They likely are counting on OTHER folks to clean any and all debris. It's somewhat like those 'self-cleaning' kitchens in which horrible messes are made by TV characters.

[shapeshifter]

1 minute ago, Camille said:

Because, you know, there couldn't have been anything valuable or breakable on it and they have no problem cleaning up the huge mess left

Thoughts of breakage and expense completely destroy the romance for me in these scenes on TV. I never had occasion to have sex on a desk, but if I did, I would definitely have carefully removed the objects first. 

[ganesh]

On 3/8/2019 at 7:04 PM, Bastet said:

Unlike elevators in real life, whose doors close after a set amount of time has passed, elevators on TV monitor the conversation being had between the person inside the elevator and the person outside it and stay open until the person inside finishes her/his sentence, at which point the doors immediately close. 

Unless you need to deliver critical information then the door will close at the most inopportune time. 

[Dr.OO7]

4 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Thoughts of breakage and expense completely destroy the romance for me in these scenes on TV

Exactly. Who cares about a stupid lamp/laptop/picture/coffee mug, etc.?

[Brattinella]

Yes, you shouldn't let your attachment to your property, doodads or knick-knacks overpower your sheer animal lust.

[Oosala]

On ‎2‎/‎13‎/‎2019 at 7:49 AM, ganesh said:

Ha, I sit on the desk when I go talk to the students in their cubicles. 

I think we need a "dislike" button.

[Oosala]

On ‎3‎/‎3‎/‎2019 at 7:39 PM, andromeda331 said:

I don't really understand the women who are devastated either. All it means is no more having to deal with periods and birth control.

This re: menopause.  I'm 62 and, trust me, that's not ALL it means.  It has its downsides too, but no more cramps is definitely a plus.  To get this on topic, Roseanne had two menstrual related episodes: Darlene's first and Roseanne's PMS.  And both were excellent and true to life.

[Mabinogia]

8 hours ago, Camille said:

A couple in the throes of passion sweeps everything off of a desk/table/counter so as to have sex on it.

Because, you know, there couldn't have been anything valuable or breakable on it and they have no problem cleaning up the huge mess left.

I did that once, on the counter. Lost one of my set of glasses. Now I can only have 5 people over or I will be asked what happened to the sixth glass. It was totally worth it though. 😉

[bilgistic]

1 hour ago, Oosala said:

I think we need a "dislike" button.

He's the "cool" teacher.

[Lugal]

10 hours ago, Camille said:

A couple in the throes of passion sweeps everything off of a desk/table/counter so as to have sex on it.

Because, you know, there couldn't have been anything valuable or breakable on it and they have no problem cleaning up the huge mess left.

Maybe it's someone else's desk/table whatever.  Of course we never have the poor unfortunate come in and go: "All the stuff on my desk is on the floor and...eww!"

[Shannon L.]

Everyone on tv (and in movies) knows how to drive a motorcycle.  Being chased?  Chasing someone?  Grab the nearest motorcycle, which obviously have keys somewhere easy enough to find (like cars and the overhead visor), and you can drive through the streets at top speed, moving around traffic.

I did see one movie, though, where the gang came to the area where they were to trade out their transportation for something else and they found a group of motorcycles.  One of them stares at them and says "I don't know how to drive a motorcycle!".  Points for originality! 

[Lugal]

It's the same with hot air balloons.  I have a friend whose family knows balloons and it always annoys her that everyone on TV and in movies just knows how to fly them.

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, Lugal said:

It's the same with hot air balloons.  I have a friend whose family knows balloons and it always annoys her that everyone on TV and in movies just knows how to fly them.

I'm curious: What does she say would happen if someone IRL needed to escape from, say, a serial killer, and the only way out was a hot air balloon? I mean, how hard is it to fire up? 

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

Everyone on tv (and in movies) knows how to drive a motorcycle.  Being chased?  Chasing someone?  Grab the nearest motorcycle, which obviously have keys somewhere easy enough to find (like cars and the overhead visor), and you can drive through the streets at top speed, moving around traffic.

It's also incredible how many characters know how to fly helicopters.  Or can pick it up just from someone shouting instructions at them (like they can even hear to begin with).

[Katy M]

4 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

I'm curious: What does she say would happen if someone IRL needed to escape from, say, a serial killer, and the only way out was a hot air balloon? I mean, how hard is it to fire up? 

I don't know how hard it is to fire up, but I do know it's probably not a great escape vehicle.  For one thing, they don't shoot into the sky superfast, so the balloon will be within gun range for at least a minute, I would say.  Plus, your average hot air balloon doesn't have that long of a range.  If the serial killer has a vehicle, he can probably track you until you have to come down.

[GHScorpiosRule]

1 minute ago, Bastet said:

It's also incredible how many characters know how to fly helicopters.  Or can pick it up just from someone shouting instructions at them (like they can even hear to begin with).

At least when Amanda tried to fly a helicopter in Scarecrow & Mrs. King, the show at least demonstrated she didn't know what the hell she was doing and nearly got both her and Lee killed!😂

[Katy M]

2 minutes ago, Bastet said:

It's also incredible how many characters know how to fly helicopters.  Or can pick it up just from someone shouting instructions at them (like they can even hear to begin with).

Speaking of, people on airplanes having conversations at perfectly normal conversational tones.  Or better yet, whispering.  I'm not hearing anybody whisper on a plane.  Not one that's actually flying anyway.

[shapeshifter]

29 minutes ago, Katy M said:

Plus, your average hot air balloon doesn't have that long of a range.  If the serial killer has a vehicle, he can probably track you until you have to come down.

And that probably will happen, because on TV, all serial killers are multi-talented, including being expert trackers.

[Lugal]

2 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

I'm curious: What does she say would happen if someone IRL needed to escape from, say, a serial killer, and the only way out was a hot air balloon? I mean, how hard is it to fire up? 

It's something that requires a pilot's license.  A lot of it is dependent on the direction the wind is blowing at different levels in the atmosphere, and then there is the weight calculations for the passengers, so it's not something anyone could just do.

1 hour ago, Katy M said:

I don't know how hard it is to fire up, but I do know it's probably not a great escape vehicle.  For one thing, they don't shoot into the sky superfast, so the balloon will be within gun range for at least a minute, I would say.  Plus, your average hot air balloon doesn't have that long of a range.  If the serial killer has a vehicle, he can probably track you until you have to come down.

And balloons can only go in the direction of the wind.  I agree the killer could just follow along due to the fact that many literally have chase crews running after them to retrieve the passengers.

The other thing that annoys her is on TV shows when they shoot the balloon envelope and the balloon immediately starts dropping, as if all the hot air suddenly rushed out the tiny bullet hole in the side of the balloon.

Edited March 18, 2019 by Lugal

[Stats Queen]

On 2/28/2019 at 12:21 AM, Brattinella said:

My family was ecstatic when I had my first period; we celebrated!  Parents, grandparents, all!

My mom gave me a box of tampons and told me to read the instructions. 

Surely, she could have done better than that.

[bilgistic]

45 minutes ago, Stats Queen said:

My mom gave me a box of tampons and told me to read the instructions. 

Surely, she could have done better than that.

When my Mom finally let me use tampons, she made me use o.b.(!!!) and left me to figure it out on my own. I was oblivious, grossed out, and scared.

When I first got my period just after I turned 11, the "menstruation and reproduction" discussion consisted of her opening our Childcraft kids' encyclopedia to that specific section and telling me to read it while she sat there, and then asking me if I had any questions. Uh, yeah, but that's okay...

Dealing with tough subjects hasn't ever really been Mom's thing.

[Bastet]

3 hours ago, GHScorpiosRule said:

At least when Amanda tried to fly a helicopter in Scarecrow & Mrs. King, the show at least demonstrated she didn't know what the hell she was doing and nearly got both her and Lee killed!😂

Yet she still somehow managed to land it all by herself (even though she can't even drive a stick shift car); that five-second lesson he gave her really paid off!

They did the same thing on Remington Steele.  Hopping into a waiting helicopter (possibly after pulling that time-honored TV tradition of punching someone once and knocking them right out) to chase down the bad guys was quite popular in the '80s.  (No helicopter chase on Moonlighting, but there was an escape via hot air balloon!)

[ganesh]

Do they have radios in the balloons? 

[bilgistic]

My parents (mom and stepdad) went on a hot-air balloon ride for their 10th(?) anniversary. My mom has loved balloons for years, having seen them in Albuquerque where she and my biological father were stationed when he was in the Air Force—and where I was conceived. Aw.

Anyway, for some reason, I was at home with my folks (I live about 80 miles south; this would've been some 15-plus years ago) and rode with the balloon pilot's son (late teens or 20) in the chase truck. It was a fun little adventure chasing down the balloon. I assume the balloon pilot makes similar flights because he landed in open acreage, and the son never went down any dead-end roads. This all happened in a small town just five minutes from my folks' house/where I grew up.

I can't exactly remember, but I think the man and son were communicating somehow. Maybe by walkie-talkies? Maybe cell phones?

[ratgirlagogo]

5 hours ago, bilgistic said:

When I first got my period just after I turned 11, the "menstruation and reproduction" discussion consisted of her opening our Childcraft kids' encyclopedia to that specific section and telling me to read it while she sat there, and then asking me if I had any questions. Uh, yeah, but that's okay...

My mom was the opposite (not a bad thing).  She sent to Kotex for their instructional box (with sanitary pads and belts, plus those two famous booklets Very Personally Yours and You're a Young Lady Now when I was nine.  This was because when she had gotten her first period at twelve NOBODY had ever told her it was a thing.  Not just her mom, but her two older sisters also.  Irish-Americans are relaxed about a lot of things, but not sex.  AND she got it at (parish) school, meaning she got cramps and pressure, so she went to the bathroom, saw the blood in the toilet, AND she thought she was dying, of course.   Apparently her favorite teacher (meaning a nun ) is the one who gave her the  hurried FAQ before sending her home.    So I love her so much for making sure that I was going to be informed well beforehand. 

Also at school we had the famous boy-only and girl-only film and discussion programs in the parish hall in sixth grade, in which we saw what I believe were one of the two sex-specific Disney-made films about puberty.

Of course in my case since I didn't start my menses until I was almost thirteen this became just one more thing about which I felt abnormal, freakish and inadequate.

Edited March 19, 2019 by ratgirlagogo

[Jacqs]

five year old Stephanie Tanner looks cute in that pink-white formal dress in the first day of school episode of Full House... but where did she get it from?

[SVNBob]

17 minutes ago, Jacqs said:

five year old Stephanie Tanner looks cute in that pink-white formal dress in the first day of school episode of Full House... but where did she get it from?

Probably as hand-me-down from DJ.

[Katy M]

2 hours ago, Jacqs said:

five year old Stephanie Tanner looks cute in that pink-white formal dress in the first day of school episode of Full House... but where did she get it from?

I had a fancy dress like that when I was about that age. I think my grandmother gave it to me for Christmas.  Grandmothers do things like that.  I looked as adorable as Stephanie in it.  that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Trini]

One stab wound to the torso instantly kills a person.

[CoderLady]

17 hours ago, Trini said:

One stab wound to the torso instantly kills a person.

In real life if it penetrates the heart it does, and within seconds. On TV however, a single stab only kills if the plot requires it or if it's a "wrong place, wrong time" innocent person.  If it's a series regular he/she will spend a day in hospital attached to lots of fluids and machines, then at the slightest hint of a clue will rip it all out to go out and capture the stabber.

[Madding crowd]

Everyone who falls down the stairs dies instantly even if there are only a few stairs. In reality I have known many people who fell down stairs including myself and had only minor injuries. 

In contrast people will get hit in the head by a baseball bat and pop back up with no damage to head or brain. 

Edited March 28, 2019 by Madding crowd

[DearEvette]

29 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

Everyone who falls down the stairs dies instantly even if there are only a few stairs. In reality I have known many people who fell down stairs including myself and had only minor injuries. 

In contrast people will get hit in the head by a baseball bat and pop back up with no damage to head or brain. 

That reminds me of tv fights. They have these knock down, drag out fights.  People are being punched and thrown around, chairs are broken over the backs of heads & necks, kicks are delivered to the torso etc..  The sound effects makes the punches striking sound really, really hard.

And then when it is all over, the person has nothing but a cut over one eye with an artistic trickle of blood coming from it.  Or a cut on the lip.  The worst that happens is they are knocked out cold, but a glass of cold water on the face will bring them around.  In either case they basically move around fine with no other ill effects.

[Shannon L.]

All walls stop bullets.  Someone firing at you from inside a house? Stand behind that wall of lathe and plaster or dry wall and you're safe! 

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

All walls stop bullets.  Someone firing at you from inside a house? Stand behind that wall of lathe and plaster or dry wall and you're safe! 

Plywood tables laid on their sides are bulletproof too.

[Orillia]

Doing a dive and summersault usually guarantees that the bullet will miss ,

[andromeda331]

20 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

All walls stop bullets.  Someone firing at you from inside a house? Stand behind that wall of lathe and plaster or dry wall and you're safe! 

I remember Michael pointing that out on Burn Notice! When getting rid of his drug dealing neighbor. He knocks on the door to get him to come to the door. He points out many criminals have bulletproof doors but forget that walls are plaster. Then demonstrates it by moving to the side of the door and shoots through the wall hitting him in the leg with his second shot.

He also mentioned earlier in the episode that he never runs around dressed in black and wearing ski mask whenever he breaks into someone's house because if you get caught what are you going to say? He tries to look like a legitimate visitor, take something from the fridge that way if you get caught just act confused that you got the wrong house and apologize for taking whatever was in the fridge. 

Edited March 29, 2019 by andromeda331

[ganesh]

Burn Notice was really good for stuff like that. 

[Jacqs]

I still still LOATHE the "put the high school show's tomboy in a fluffy dress and jewellery and makeup for the big dance to show the parents in the audience that she's "safe" and will redeem herself by being "just a normal girl!"

[ABay]

As college campuses are almost as popular with batshit crazy white guys with guns as high schools, and my office has a glass wall and nowhere to hide, I've moved a metal bookcase to the middle of the glass wall. I'm sure I did this because of one of Michael's helpful spy trade hints--I figure it won't stop automatic rifle fire, but it will slow the bullet down so maybe I'm only maimed instead of murdered.

[janie jones]

12 hours ago, ganesh said:

Burn Notice was really good for stuff like that. 

I had a friend who insisted that Burn Notice was educational programming.

[ABay]

It was so good--Michael's advice and the chryons in particular were fantastic. I prefer not to think about the last season. But if there'd been a Sam & Jese spin-off, I would've forgiven everything.

[andromeda331]

It really was. He had so much good advice. Like how tell if your being followed when out driving. You basically drive like a moron. Speed up, slow down, turn on your turn signal but turn the other direction.  Also if you need to escape from a room and can't use windows or doors because bad guys are coming in through them. Try the air conditioning unit if its in the wall. Kick it out the air condition unit and go out that way. People watch doors and windows. No one watches air conditioners. I don't know if its that episode or another one he says air ducks don't work either if your bigger then a four year old.

I too chose to ignore the last season. 

Edited March 29, 2019 by andromeda331

[andromeda331]

There's been a commercial advertising about checking in at an airport by just using your face or cellphones that unlock with your face. It made me think of Michael who was able to by pass a security system that had face recognition with a picture of someone. Those systems couldn't tell between a picture and the real person and made me wonder if the airport check in and cellphone has the same problem or not. 

[Shannon L.]

I also recall that Fiona, as bad ass and capable as she was, couldn't take down a male opponent by just her own strength.  She would grab something to hit him with or find other ways out of the situation.  As much as I enjoy watching a female character kick ass, I liked how realistic they made it on Burn Notice.

[Katy M]

31 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

It really was. He had so much good advice. Like how tell if your being followed when out drive. You basically drive like a moron. Speed up, slow down, turn on your turn signal but turn the other direction.  Also if you need to escape from a room and can't use windows or doors because bad guys are coming in through them. Try the air conditioning unit if its in the wall. Kick it out the air condition unit and go out that way. People watch doors and windows. No one watches air conditioners. I don't know if its that episode or another one he says air ducks don't work either when if your then a four year old.

I too chose to ignore the last season. 

And if they are watching the air conditioner, it may fall on them when you kick it out, which would obviously be beneficial.  Other than that, if they are watching the window, they'll probably be able to see the A/C because even ones in walls are near windows.

[ganesh]

2 hours ago, janie jones said:

I had a friend who insisted that Burn Notice was educational programming.

iirc, They had a consultant who went over all the v/o advice. I remember them saying something like, "you can't freeze and crack all locks, but this is the kind you can, and since it's tv that's what Michael was able to do."

[Brookside]

2 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

It really was. He had so much good advice. Like how tell if your being followed when out driving. You basically drive like a moron. Speed up, slow down, turn on your turn signal but turn the other direction.  Also if you need to escape from a room and can't use windows or doors because bad guys are coming in through them. Try the air conditioning unit if its in the wall. Kick it out the air condition unit and go out that way. People watch doors and windows. No one watches air conditioners. I don't know if its that episode or another one he says air ducks don't work either if your bigger then a four year old.

I too chose to ignore the last season. 

I love the idea of a four year old escaping some horrible event on an air duck.

[andromeda331]

20 hours ago, Brookside said:

I love the idea of a four year old escaping some horrible event on an air duck.

I can imagine Parker from Leverage as a four year old crawling through air ducks. She blew up her foster parents house at seven or eight, was a child getaway driver at I think nine or ten, and stole cars at eleven or twelve with an older kid.