Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Blergh]

Quote

On 2/9/2017 at 0:04 PM, Blergh said:

No one on TV has to spend hours making robocalls in vain efforts to get services restored.

 

 

13 hours ago, meep.meep said:

It was a plot point on Friends.  

 

 

OK, you got me there. However; I'd like to counter that I was so OVER them years before the show finally ended that, AFIAC, they were nobodies. In any case, I didn't know that ep's existence because I likely just had skipped it altogether  because I was sick of them and couldn't have cared less what any of them did any more.

Edited February 11, 2017 by Blergh
quote fixing

[paulvdb]

Not sure if this doesn't happen in real life, but on tv young women who become porn actresses always expect that nobody they know will find out about it. Everybody knows people who watch porn (even if they don't admit it) and it is very likely that at least one of them will recognize you. And yet these porn actresses in tv series or movies are always surprised when their family or friends find out about it.

[ABay]

Maybe they figure that even if someone they know sees one of the films, they won't be looking at her face.

[proserpina65]

On ‎02‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 11:04 AM, Blergh said:

 

OK, you got me there. However; I'd like to counter that I was so OVER them years before the show finally ended that, AFIAC, they were nobodies. In any case, I didn't know that ep's existence because I likely just had skipped it altogether  because I was sick of them and couldn't have cared less what any of them did any more.

If it's the episode where Phoebe is on Monica's phone for hours trying to get her phone fixed before the warranty expired, that was in season three.  Of course, you could've stopped watching by then.

[Raja]

On 2/10/2017 at 2:03 PM, andromeda331 said:

That reminds me when Burn Notice was filming their first season finale and just blew up a car behind a highway. The director or producer got mad because the extras driving on the highway just kept on driving. No one stopped or reacted like they just saw a car blown up. Then realized those weren't extras, they were people driving on the highway and that was their reaction to the car blowing up. Just to keep on driving.

I am just amazed that in the first year of Burn notice that they were still actually blowing up cars and not using the cheap fake looking CGI explosions

[MaryPatShelby]

Only on TV do people in the shower face the water for pretty much the whole shower.

Caveat:  I've never seen anyone but me take a shower, so the above may be factually incorrect.  But when I shower, the only time I face the water is when I'm rinsing my face.  The rest of the time, my back is to the water.  

Just me?

[Popples]

1 hour ago, MaryPatShelby said:

Only on TV do people in the shower face the water for pretty much the whole shower.

Caveat:  I've never seen anyone but me take a shower, so the above may be factually incorrect.  But when I shower, the only time I face the water is when I'm rinsing my face.  The rest of the time, my back is to the water.  

Just me?

This reminds me, although it's more on commercials for face cleansing products I've seen it, but when people wash their faces, instead of wiping their faces with a cloth, they scoop water in their hands and splash their face. I tried it exactly once and got water all over the sink and floor.

[FormerMod-a1]

1 hour ago, MaryPatShelby said:

Only on TV do people in the shower face the water for pretty much the whole shower.

Caveat:  I've never seen anyone but me take a shower, so the above may be factually incorrect.  But when I shower, the only time I face the water is when I'm rinsing my face.  The rest of the time, my back is to the water.  

Just me?

No, not just you.  My back is to the water, too, for like 90% of the shower.
 

7 minutes ago, Popples said:

This reminds me, although it's more on commercials for face cleansing products I've seen it, but when people wash their faces, instead of wiping their faces with a cloth, they scoop water in their hands and splash their face. I tried it exactly once and got water all over the sink and floor.

I've tried this, too, because I've been told it's better for the skin.  I didn't get water everywhere, but it also didn't rinse off all the cleanser either.  By by that I mean it rinsed off hardly any.

[Moose135]

1 hour ago, MaryPatShelby said:

I've never seen anyone but me take a shower, so the above may be factually incorrect.  But when I shower, the only time I face the water is when I'm rinsing my face.  The rest of the time, my back is to the water.  

I face the water most of the time when I'm in the shower.  I don't have the water pointed at my face, but I face it most of the time.

[Ceindreadh]

8 hours ago, MaryPatShelby said:

Only on TV do people in the shower face the water for pretty much the whole shower.

Caveat:  I've never seen anyone but me take a shower, so the above may be factually incorrect.  But when I shower, the only time I face the water is when I'm rinsing my face.  The rest of the time, my back is to the water.  

Just me?

No, not just you.  The only time I tend to face the shower head is if it's a shower in a bath as opposed to a shower cubicle, and that's more to make sure I'm not splattering the water all over the place.  (except for the last time I showered in my sister's bathroom and had to have my back to water in order to keep an eye on an 8 legged voyeur that I only noticed *after* I'd gotten started!)

[Ohwell]

n/m

Edited February 19, 2017 by Ohwell

[Shannon L.]

I brush longer than three seconds, but I don't rinse.

I just remembered something that goes with my previous post about falling into water: the only time I see anyone tilt their head back is when they are going for the sexy shot. Usually someone will come out of the water and either leave their hair as it falls or slaps it out of off of their eyes. I don't know how anyone can stand the feel of wet hair stuck to their face.

[scarynikki12]

I only have my back to the shower head when I'm rinsing out the shampoo and conditioner.  Otherwise I'm facing it.  I have fairly bad allergies that manifest in chest and occasional sinus congestion so I like to stand for a few minutes and the steam+water beating down on my chest helps alleviate that.  It doesn't work as well if the water's hitting my back.

[janie jones]

Those of you who face the water, do you shave your legs?  And if so, doesn't this mean you're completely out of the stream when you do so?  And if so, don't you get cold as fuck?

[Bastet]

14 hours ago, MaryPatShelby said:

But when I shower, the only time I face the water is when I'm rinsing my face.  The rest of the time, my back is to the water.  

I'm the opposite; the only time my back is to the water is when I'm rinsing my hair or my back. 

1 hour ago, janie jones said:

Those of you who face the water, do you shave your legs?  And if so, doesn't this mean you're completely out of the stream when you do so?  And if so, don't you get cold as fuck?

I turn the water off when I'm soaping up, shaving, etc.  And, no, I don't get cold, because I live in a mild climate and for times when it is cold, I have a heater in the bathroom.

[auntlada]

I'm not completely out of the water stream because the shower isn't that big. I turn the shower head to the side when I soap or shave, or if I'm in a big enough shower, I back up or turn around then.

[HunterHunted]

On 2/13/2017 at 0:52 PM, paulvdb said:

Not sure if this doesn't happen in real life, but on tv young women who become porn actresses always expect that nobody they know will find out about it. Everybody knows people who watch porn (even if they don't admit it) and it is very likely that at least one of them will recognize you. And yet these porn actresses in tv series or movies are always surprised when their family or friends find out about it.

This is pretty much true in real life. There's such an insane amount of pornography produced every day that I can understand why someone would think that they have a decent chance that their porn work wouldn't be found out. There is the Hot Girls Wanted documentary where they talk about how rare it is for porn actresses to last 2 years in the industry. Most get out before 6 months. Maybe they've filmed a couple dozen scenes, but in comparison to the thousands of hours made every year their 20 or 30 hours of film is a drop in a bucket.

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/the-blue-devil-in-miss-belle-knox-meet-duke-porn-star-miriam-weeks-20140423

I found this old article where they talk about how much porn Americans watch each year. It's close to 5 billion hours of pornography.

http://www.maxim.com/maxim-man/how-much-porn-do-people-watch-2016-1

[Raja]

In honor of 24 Legacy, Only on TV do terrorist masterminds really care about getting revenge on a specific agent/cop/soldier who twarted a previous plan and their master plan becomes secondary to that effort

[ChromaKelly]

Ooh ooh! I saw the bad guy eating an apple with a knife thing the other day. I was all excited. Of course he stabbed the knife into the table, so we knew for sure he was BAD. Of course later he's not-so-bad...

[Katy M]

On ‎1‎/‎29‎/‎2017 at 8:28 AM, Lord Donia said:

cough is always the harbinger of doom on TV. Nobody ever has a cold or allergies or a tickle in their throat.

Or a headache.  You get a headache on TV, unless you're making it up to get out of something, I guarantee you--brain tumor.

The only people who wear glasses on TV are nerds. 

Edited February 22, 2017 by Katy M

[ChromaKelly]

If you are ever attacked by a bunch of bad guys, they will form a circle around you and politely take turns fighting you one at a time.

[Katy M]

10 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

If you are ever attacked by a bunch of bad guys, they will form a circle around you and politely take turns fighting you one at a time.

No, that actually happened to me one time.  When I was 12, I got in a fight with 4 other girls (they started it, I'm not an idiot), and they stood around in a circle and attacked one at a time.  I remember thinking how stupid they were because if they ganged up on me I would be toast.  Then 3 other girls came and asked if they could help them, so I ran away.

[NutMeg]

11 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

If you are ever attacked by a bunch of bad guys, they will form a circle around you and politely take turns fighting you one at a time.

Sometimes they all attack at once, but the hero is so skilled in the fighting arts that he fights them all by throwing them against each other. I mean he will actually throw them against each other.

Even if until then he had grown up in a library and had no idea how to physically defend himself.

Or someone will come to his aid and stop some of the bad guys, but then the hero gets the save to saviour from the baddest of the bad guys.

And then later the baddest of the bad is back and our hero, after mucho vicissitudes, prevails. All hail our hero. The end.

[ChromaKelly]

19 hours ago, Katy M said:

Or a headache.  You get a headache on TV, unless you're making it up to get out of something, I guarantee you--brain tumor.

The only people who wear glasses on TV are nerds. 

Nerdy people also have asthma and take a puff on their inhaler when things are tense or they are nervous about talking to a pretty girl.

[ganesh]

I've been watching the Mary Tyler Moore Show on hulu because it was on slightly before my time. In the second season opening theme, there's a shot of Mary walking with groceries with the break sticking up out of the bag. I was thrilled to see the bread gag is actually older than me!

[Chinspinner]

I'm sure this has already been said, but on procedurals where one expert explains to another expert something that is fundamental to their job, the sort of piece of information they would have learned in their first lecture at university. The second expert asks them to elucidate, or nods along wisely, when they should be saying "I know you f'ing idiot, stop explaining the obvious!" AKA forced exposition.   

Edited February 25, 2017 by Chinspinner

[merylinkid]

True story re: forced exposition.   One of my first trials, self-represented other party tries to introduce the call logs of a 911 call to prove my client was beating him up, not the other way around.   I stand up, look at the judge and say "Objection your honor, hearsay.   He's introducing it to prove the truth of the matter."  Which is the exact textbook definition of hearsay.  The judge looked at me with this expression on his face like "No shit [merylinkid] I went to law school too."  Then sustained the objection.

But yeah, on tv, this is ALL. THE.TIME.   And you don't get the expression.   Which was the best part let me tell you.

[Kel Varnsen]

17 hours ago, Chinspinner said:

I'm sure this has already been said, but on procedurals where one expert explains to another expert something that is fundamental to their job, the sort of piece of information they would have learned in their first lecture at university. The second expert asks them to elucidate, or nods along wisely, when they should be saying "I know you f'ing idiot, stop explaining the obvious!" AKA forced exposition.   

"No dna, perp must have worn a condom"  is practically the slogan of any procedural where a sex crime occurs. 

[shapeshifter]

I assume that only on TV is a convicted gang or mob or cartel member—who is likely to reveal knowledge of higher up members to make a deal at sentencing—paraded out of the courthouse down wide open steps so a gang, momb, or cartel member can easily shoot and fatally wound him.

[Shannon L.]

18 hours ago, Chinspinner said:

I'm sure this has already been said, but on procedurals where one expert explains to another expert something that is fundamental to their job, the sort of piece of information they would have learned in their first lecture at university. The second expert asks them to elucidate, or nods along wisely, when they should be saying "I know you f'ing idiot, stop explaining the obvious!" AKA forced exposition.   

Except on Legally Blonde when Elle starts explaining Mens Rea to the judge only be told sharply "We all know what Mens Rea is".  It's always refreshing when something out of the norm and more realistic happens on tv since it's so rare.

In regards to fights:  All bad guys are experts in martial arts including techniques that involve some sort of weapon like a long stick. 

Edited February 26, 2017 by Shannon L.

[MaryPatShelby]

On 2/23/2017 at 10:29 AM, ChromaKelly said:

Nerdy people also have asthma and take a puff on their inhaler when things are tense or they are nervous about talking to a pretty girl.

And that puff is never taken correctly! I have asthma, I use an inhaler on occasion, so know whereof I speak.

1 hour ago, Kel Varnsen said:

"No dna, perp must have worn a condom"  is practically the slogan of any procedural where a sex crime occurs. 

Like we even need that explained to us, because overall I'd assume that rapists prefer NOT to leave their DNA behind.

[Katy M]

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

In regards to fights:  All bad guys are experts in martial arts including techniques that involve some sort of weapon like a long stick. 

Wait, so the next time I want to help some guy out in a bar fight, I shouldn't just hand him a pool cue and assume all will be well?  Oh, that reminds me, lots of time on TV, someone will start a bar fight to create a diversion, wait until it gets really ramped up and then just sneak out unscathed.  That can't really happen all that often can it?

[legaleagle53]

23 hours ago, merylinkid said:

True story re: forced exposition.   One of my first trials, self-represented other party tries to introduce the call logs of a 911 call to prove my client was beating him up, not the other way around.   I stand up, look at the judge and say "Objection your honor, hearsay.   He's introducing it to prove the truth of the matter."  Which is the exact textbook definition of hearsay.  The judge looked at me with this expression on his face like "No shit [merylinkid] I went to law school too."  Then sustained the objection.

Something is missing from the narrative, because I would think that the call log of a 911 call would fall under the "business records" exception to the general hearsay rule, as long as the proper foundation had been laid for admitting it.

ETA:  In fact, the United States Supreme Court ruled in 2006 that 911 calls may be admissible under the "excited utterance" exception to the hearsay rule. Davis v. Washington, 547 US 813 (2006).

Edited February 26, 2017 by legaleagle53

[merylinkid]

The tape of the call itself may be admitted.   Wherein you can hear what is said and identify the voices.   Usually a party to the case so falls under the "party exception" to the Rule.   This was literally the call log, just showing a call had been made from a certain address and the nature of the call.   Nothing about who made the call.   He was trying to prove he made the call because she was beating him.   The nature of the call part was hearsay because that was just what the person making the log entry said was the call was about.  It was not HIS statement but someone else's claim of what the statement was.    It also did not fall under the business records exception because there was no Affidavit from the Custodian of Records attached.   

[Archery]

Thank you legaleagle53 and merylinkid for that geeked-out law moment.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[ChromaKelly]

On 2/26/2017 at 10:23 AM, MaryPatShelby said:

And that puff is never taken correctly! I have asthma, I use an inhaler on occasion, so know whereof I speak.

 

Yes! I've also never seen a child using a spacer.

[riley702]

16 minutes ago, ChromaKelly said:

Yes! I've also never seen a child using a spacer.

We insist on them at our children's hospital, so this really makes me shake my head at the TV.

Edited February 28, 2017 by riley702

[Raja]

On TV most of the command pilots of helicopters sit on the left side because most people have only flown in fixed wing aircraft and are used to seeing the pilot in that seat instead of the right hand side where most helicopter commanders and single piloted aircraft sit..

[kiddo82]

Only on TV does the person too shy to sing karaoke get cajoled into performing only to reveal that she (because it's always a she) has a recording artist caliber voice.  

[Katy M]

28 minutes ago, kiddo82 said:

Only on TV does the person too shy to sing karaoke get cajoled into performing only to reveal that she (because it's always a she) has a recording artist caliber voice.  

Oh, man.  I'm way too shy to sing karaoke and I was hoping this would happen to me. You've ruined my dreams:)

[kiddo82]

A tag line for my business card.  "kiddo82:  ruiner of dreams"

[Katy M]

8 minutes ago, kiddo82 said:

A tag line for my business card.  "kiddo82:  ruiner of dreams"

It's all for the best.  I've heard myself sing.  It wasn't going to happen anyway.

[legaleagle53]

1 hour ago, kiddo82 said:

Only on TV does the person too shy to sing karaoke get cajoled into performing only to reveal that she (because it's always a she) has a recording artist caliber voice.  

Unless it's a comedy.  Then it's revealed that she was too shy to sing karaoke for a different reason, namely, that she can't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it, and she knows it.

[merylinkid]

43 minutes ago, legaleagle53 said:

Unless it's a comedy.  Then it's revealed that she was too shy to sing karaoke for a different reason, namely, that she can't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it, and she knows it.

But everyone rallies around her anyway.   No one boos her off stage.   They think its adorable she tried.   Everyone joins in singing to save her embarassment.   Bonus points if some famous singer is in the audience and steps in.  

[Katy M]

Alright, that's it.  I'm going to sing karaoke and see what happens in real life.  I'll let you know.

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, Katy M said:

Alright, that's it.  I'm going to sing karaoke and see what happens in real life.  I'll let you know.

It's on my bucket list. If I can't literally tag along, I will be expecting you to report back here so I/we can at least have a vicarious thrill!

[ChromaKelly]

14 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

It's on my bucket list. If I can't literally tag along, I will be expecting you to report back here so I/we can at least have a vicarious thrill!

I have never been drunk enough to sing karaoke. One day I will, and I'll do a duet with someone and then realize we're in love. Or he will see me singing and realize he loves me.

[Shannon L.]

If you need to break up with someone or give someone you like some bad news, you have to invite them to dinner at a nice restaurant so that when they get there, they will be hopeful that apologies and reconciliation is on the table, only to then serve them with the bad news and walk out, leaving your dinner, and more than likely theirs, untouched. 

Edited March 7, 2017 by Shannon L.

[Albanyguy]

Only on TV are houses and offices equipped with heating/air conditioning ducts that are easily accessible, completely free of dust and cobwebs and wide enough for two people to crawl through comfortably. This greatly facilitates eavesdropping, hiding from burglars and other wacky hijinks.

And even the most modest suburban house will have an apartment over the garage or, occasionally, in the basement. These apartments are never rented out because the owners actually need the money. They're used to provide shelter for old maid aunts, lonely bachelor co-workers, buddies whose wives have kicked them out and misunderstood (but still cool) teenagers who have nowhere else to go.

[shapeshifter]

6 minutes ago, Albanyguy said:

Only on TV are houses and offices equipped with heating/air conditioning ducts that are easily accessible, completely free of dust and cobwebs and wide enough for two people to crawl through comfortably. This greatly facilitates eavesdropping, hiding from burglars and other wacky hijinks. . . .

They are impeccably clean! There must be someone wiping them down before each take is shot. Also, they are able to support the weight of at least two buff guys instead of just air — unless either comedy or drama demands that the people in the ducts crash through into the room at the most inopportune moment.