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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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I give a pass on the swaddling. My daughter loved to be swaddled. Until she was about 2 months old.  Diaper changes were traumatic ordeals because she had to be open to the air! Well meaning friends/loved ones/total strangers constantly chided me to "free" her from the constricting blankets and when I got tired of the complaints, I obliged...let them listen to the screaming for a few minutes and then swaddled and soothed my (needlessly stressed out) infant.

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I would snark on them but I have to give credit for the person that is swaddling that baby. So sick of the chalkboard but loved the way Israel looked in the photo.

 

 I wasn't so good at it but babies love it. She may not know when to go to the hospital, stop taking castor oil or how to hire a proper midwife but least Jill has mastered the swaddling technique.  

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I'm an expert swaddled and other mothers loved how I could come and get their babies calm so easily. My own two, however, hated swaddling. Darn little individualists, these babies!!! :)

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Yeah, I thought I had it all down.  My daughter loved being swaddled.  My son, on the other hand, acted like it was some kind of torture.  He absolutely hated it.  So much for being a parenting expert by the time #2 came along.

As far as baby Izzy...he always looks perfectly calm and happy in every picture I've seen.  He doesn't look like swaddling bothers him in the least, so maybe he's one of those infants who finds the wide open space of this world daunting and prefers the snug, secure, familiar feeling of being tightly wrapped.  When it starts to bother him, he will make it known.

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But if Jill knows that people are talking about her and not all of them are approving of her, I can see some poor person tasked with telling her what she can do to 'improve her image' without upsetting her.  Telling her that people seem to 'miss' her weekly chalkboard pics would be the way to go.

I'm guessing Jilly Muffin would be telling the poor low-level TLC publicist "the truth in love" seconds later. In a whisper. After all, she would want to "keep sweet" in a situation like that.

 

For those who don't speak Fundie, telling anyone else "the truth in love" means you get to put them on blast with no repercussions. After all, you're telling them how much their behavior/opinions/refusal to accept "wise counsel" hurts Jesus and their testimony. I'll bet Jilly Muffin is a champ at it, too.

Dill and Jerick start your engines today is day 40th you now have permission to start for # 2.

Cue up the Rod Stewart! Daddy needs some lovin'!

 

I think I just made myself sick...

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LOL. Jill the angelic demon, hissing at you if you dare suggest she do something differently. I wonder how the crew deals with MEchelle.

They use sign language around her.

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It's recommended to wait 8 weeks after a c section for sexy time, so I hope one of them has the sense to listen to the OB. Since she had a section, I'm sure she had to follow up with a doctor and this was explained to them. I don't see Derick pushing the issue.

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The chalk board picture struck me as odd. 

 

I could see her posting a picture of Izzy next to the chalk board with his age, but it's not really a picture of the baby -- it's a picture of Jill holding a baby. That full length pose made sense when she was pregnant because she wanted to show off her baby bump, but now she has an actual baby, so why not show him instead?

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(edited)

Tomorrow is Muffy's 24th birthday. Methinks she's getting the best 30 seconds of her life as a present.

I was in dire need of a good laugh, and I thank you for providing it! You're a true sanity saver! Edited by farmgal4
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Dill and Jerick start your engines today is day 40th you now have permission to start for # 2.

 

Oh barf. It bothers me that I'm thinking about their sex life but it somehow bothers me even more to think JB and Michelle are probably staring at the calendar too. I wonder if JB gave Derick any "advice" today.

It's recommended to wait 8 weeks after a c section for sexy time, so I hope one of them has the sense to listen to the OB. Since she had a section, I'm sure she had to follow up with a doctor and this was explained to them. I don't see Derick pushing the issue.

 

I imagine they're going with what God (or Gothard?) said as opposed to a doctor, so 40 days... but I do hope you're right.

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Doctor recommendations mean nothing to a lot of people. I'm friends with a nurse who works at a Women's and Children's hospital, and she says just about every nurse who works in L&D has at least one story about walking in on a couple, within a day of the women giving birth, and finding them attempting sex right there in the hospital bed.

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Do they really want to start trying in 2 weeks, get pregnant fast, and have a 2nd baby in February when baby #1 is like 10 months old?? I'm sure Jill does, but I think Derick's head might explode. I'm not suggesting that he's unhappy with his wife or family -- I'm sure he isn't. But in just a few years, he has graduated college, gone to Nepal for 2 yrs, courted a girl via Skype, returned and started his first professional job, proposed to said girl, gotten married like 4 months later, gotten her pregnant like 5 hrs after putting a ring on it, and welcomed a child 9 months later. How about taking some time to breathe -- and maybe put some weight back on and just relax and enjoy the child you have and get to the point where you're reliably sleeping nights before making the next baby!?

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If I was Jill (which, thankfully, I'm not), I'd wait at least a year to get pregnant again. You need time for the c-section scar to heal completely before you put it under stress again. I had my first two 15 months apart, but then decided to spread out the third because I wanted to be safer. I had a friend who had her doctor tell her that she had to stop having babies because she had three c-sections in such a short time that the uterus was thinning, and it would be dangerous to have another pregnancy. Now, I know that Jill is a special snowflake, and that her mom had a bazillion babies after her c-sections, but Michelle got REALLY lucky for a REALLY long time! and there's no guarantee that Jill will be as lucky. A uterine rupture means no more babies, ever.

Take your time, Jill, and enjoy the baby you have before you try for number two. If babies are as precious as you say, then act like you're enjoying the one you've got than always wishing for more.

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Oh yes, "the truth in love." And if you don't agree with what "the Lord had laid upon my heart to tell you" then "you need to spend some time in prayer" until "your heart is softened to hear the message."

I doubt Jill would listen to anyone's counsel though, but her parents, and possibly a few people from within their very most inner circle. She's seriously drunk on the koolaid of being the "perfect" child.

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(edited)

Do they really want to start trying in 2 weeks, get pregnant fast, and have a 2nd baby in February when baby #1 is like 10 months old?? I'm sure Jill does, but I think Derick's head might explode. I'm not suggesting that he's unhappy with his wife or family -- I'm sure he isn't. But in just a few years, he has graduated college, gone to Nepal for 2 yrs, courted a girl via Skype, returned and started his first professional job, proposed to said girl, gotten married like 4 months later, gotten her pregnant like 5 hrs after putting a ring on it, and welcomed a child 9 months later. How about taking some time to breathe -- and maybe put some weight back on and just relax and enjoy the child you have and get to the point where you're reliably sleeping nights before making the next baby!?

Well, the Bible (Leviticus?) has cleared the decks for them to resume sexual relations. If she is like her mother and already ovulating again, she could well be peeing on a stick in a couple of weeks (depending on her cycle). I think Michelle's closest spacing was 13 months between Jessa/Jinger/Joe...her body said enough! and Josiah was about 18 months later, but Joy was 14 months after Josiah and the twins were 14 months after that. Kelly Bates had about 6 in a row spaced about 13 months apart. I can't even imagine...

Edited by Sew Sumi
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Well, the Bible (Leviticus?) has cleared the decks for them to resume sexual relations. If she is like her mother and already ovulating again, she could well be peeing on a stick in a couple of weeks (depending on her cycle). I think Michelle's closest spacing was 13 months between Jessa/Jinger/Joe...her body said enough! and Josiah was about 18 months later, but Joy was 14 months after Josiah and the twins were 14 months after that. Kelly Bates had about 6 in a row spaced about 13 months apart. I can't even imagine...

My uterus hurts. Jilly Muffin needs to relax and listen to the people with degrees. Michelle got lucky and I'm sure even Michelle has been told no more

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Take your time, Jill, and enjoy the baby you have before you try for number two. If babies are as precious as you say, then act like you're enjoying the one you've got than always wishing for more.

You seem to think that Jill has a choice about when she becomes pregnant again. The only thing that may save her from another pregnancy so quickly will be the fact that she's breast feeding.

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(edited)

You seem to think that Jill has a choice about when she becomes pregnant again. The only thing that may save her from another pregnancy so quickly will be the fact that she's breast feeding.

She may not have a choice but I am hoping that Cathy talked to Derrick about  another method.  I mean think about it.  She only had two children.  I'm pretty sure she used some method of birth control.  

 

DerrickDullard may be way too high on the kook-aid right now to even consider birth control, but I have a feeling his Mom is thinking of it.  

 

ETA:  Cathy had a two income family and two children.  She has to know the TLC train will run out quick enough.  Jinger and new hubby will need the mansion and DerrickDullard will be forced to provide on his Walmart accounting salary.  

Edited by truthtalk2014
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(edited)

Do they really want to start trying in 2 weeks, get pregnant fast, and have a 2nd baby in February when baby #1 is like 10 months old?? I'm sure Jill does, but I think Derick's head might explode. I'm not suggesting that he's unhappy with his wife or family -- I'm sure he isn't. But in just a few years, he has graduated college, gone to Nepal for 2 yrs, courted a girl via Skype, returned and started his first professional job, proposed to said girl, gotten married like 4 months later, gotten her pregnant like 5 hrs after putting a ring on it, and welcomed a child 9 months later. How about taking some time to breathe -- and maybe put some weight back on and just relax and enjoy the child you have and get to the point where you're reliably sleeping nights before making the next baby!?

Don't forget something.....Derick found sex and he's amnesic about anything else he's done in the past.  He finally got his hand inside the cookie jar and he won't be pulling it out anytime soon. (yes a pun is intended). While the Dillards are very conservative Christians, they never subscribed to the rigid dress codes or home schooling as the Duggars have. Derick was allowed to go to college, something not a single one of the Duggars was allowed to do. "Daughter-sister-mother' Jana will be the first if she graduates from the Christian college she plans to attend. If f the Duggar/Dillard union results in a lot of kids, Derick will be a little out of his depth. Still, both Derick and Jill have said that they intend to have as many children as they can, and aren’t using any birth control.

Edited by HumblePi
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I don't know how comfortable Cathy would be in talking to her grown married son about his sex life and condoms -- I mean she isn't Jim Bob. But I could see her subtly suggesting that they space out kids -- enjoy Israel for a while and not miss any of his toddler milestones bc they have a new infant etc. I could also see her privately saying it to Derick in terms of -- Walmart is great but the don't give enough pay raises, you really have to think about college costs for your kids etc.

 

I can see Dan being much more direct -- but he can talk to his bro about sex more than a mom can. I mean it's clear both Cathy and Dan are thrilled with Iz, but I highly doubt they'll be thrilled with a pregnancy every yr. I mean when Cathy called them to say happy anniversary and they said -- we're expecting -- her first response which she didn't even try to hide was "already!?"

 

Thing is -- Derick is so into the Duggar family and their ridiculous beliefs, that I highly doubt he'd truly consider what his mother and brother think, even if it's for his own good. He may nod along politely, but in his heart be thinking -- God wants us to have a Quiverful, you and dad sinned by not doing that, but I'm not about to commit that sin just bc you want me to.

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She may not have a choice but I am hoping that Cathy talked to Derrick about  another method.  I mean think about it.  She only had two children.  I'm pretty sure she used some method of birth control.

It's not that Derrick is unaware that birth control exists. Of course Cathy likely used it, but that has nothing to do with the fact that Derick is now firmly in the "trusting god with the size of our family' way of thinking.

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(edited)

The chalk board picture struck me as odd. 

 

I could see her posting a picture of Izzy next to the chalk board with his age, but it's not really a picture of the baby -- it's a picture of Jill holding a baby. That full length pose made sense when she was pregnant because she wanted to show off her baby bump, but now she has an actual baby, so why not show him instead?

https://instagram.com/p/2qa8nSrs_0/?taken-by=jillmdillard

This was a political statement

Pregnancy = baby

The way she is holding him fits the shape of her baby bump

Edited by springtime
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https://instagram.com/p/2qa8nSrs_0/?taken-by=jillmdillard

This was a political statement

Pregnancy = baby

The way she is holding him fits the shape of her baby bump

 

I see it as Jill has spent her pregnancy making it all about her, and now she's expanded her pregnancy in a new way.  I see how she's holding the baby to mimic her pregnancy bump, and now has a new timeline with the chalkboard.  Before it was "Look at how long I've been pregnant!"  Now it's "Look how long it was since I delivered!"  It's kind of a before and after photo; before delivery and after.

 

Obviously, I could be wrong, and even if Jill were trying to expand the pregnancy attention, it won't last forever.  She can't crunch that baby up forever for a photo-op that looks like she's recreating her pregnancy.

 

I see it as Jill not knowing how to capitalizing on a first baby, her example of motherhood is from her mother and she wasn't born until Michelle already had a few kids.  By the time Jill has reliable memories of her mother dealing with pregnancy and new babies, they were probably well past six or more kids, and Michelle was already starting to push motherly duties onto the older kids. 

 

Couple that with the family mantra of making everything into an example of 'proper Christianhood' and get everything on camera (unless it makes the family look bad), and Jill is doing the best she can to get her mother's approval and get those leghumpers to give her the validation she couldn't get from her mother. 

 

Why would she stop doing that?  She's getting the most approval she can get from her parents, her husband is the new JB and on board with it all, and she's getting lots of attention from the press and fans.

 

Right now Jill is having to share her limelight with a baby.  She's trying to figure out how to do that.  Derick is already turning into a crutch and an accessory.  Looks like Baby Dill is already an accessory.

 

I hope I'm completely wrong, and with more time Jill and Derick become their own family with loving input from their parents and siblings, their children are a happy expression of their love, and a huge love-fest that keeps them going when the TLC train finally pulls into the station and they're on their own.  I can dream, can't I?

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Jill's weekly pictures then the last one with the baby are STRAIGHT from Pinterest. With the chalkboard & all the poses.

Jill's whole life is straight from Pinterest.  There isn't an original bone in her body.

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Jill's whole life is straight from Pinterest. There isn't an original bone in her body.

Exactly my point. It was probably less a political statement than Jill just having to complete the poses. How much do we think Jill will frame each one in one of those series picture frames?

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Jill isn't all that different from a lot of people in her generation. She wants a life that looks great on social media - a life that looks perfect, even - so she's creating that. It's just kind of amusing to some of us who are perhaps a little older and wiser that life isn't perfect, and that's ok.

But that's a hard theological mindset to break out of, and the perfect social media page is done by plenty who don't believe in anything at all. So Jill is hit with that "be perfect" twice - once from her parents and once from her culture. That's not a fun way to live, because you know that somewhere inside there is a still, small voice saying, "it's not perfect and you know it."

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Even if Derick doesn't think it's outright sinful not to have a large family, he may be someone who has been very lonely much of his life, and thinks a large family will keep his children from having to go through that.

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(edited)

Thanks for informing me on the Pinterest lifestyle.

 

Between Pinterest, People Magazine, TLC, their religion and Mechelle and Boob- 

 

Derick and Jill sure have a lot to live up to!

Edited by springtime
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That is interesting about the C section scar. So much I didn't know! I actually feel a little sorry for Jill because it has to be a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that pregnancy and delivery are always going to be shrouded in higher risk concern and maybe complications, and her dream of 20 perfect pregnancies is already out the window. It's all she's ever dreamed of. I can see them deciding to adopt quite a few children, because you know she wants to hit that number 20.

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But that's a hard theological mindset to break out of, and the perfect social media page is done by plenty who don't believe in anything at all. So Jill is hit with that "be perfect" twice - once from her parents and once from her culture. That's not a fun way to live, because you know that somewhere inside there is a still, small voice saying, "it's not perfect and you know it."

Very true, and this applies to all the kids on social media. Jessa obviously trades on her looks, and Marjorie likes being front an center. Being Facebook and Pinterest free has kept me happy and non-competitive. I really wish Jill and Derrick would give the public eye a rest.

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 I can see them deciding to adopt quite a few children, because you know she wants to hit that number 20.

They can't afford 20 children no matter how many People magazine covers they land. Adoption isn't cheap. It's hard to imagine that TLC, currently binging on "super-sized families" will continue featuring those families for the next twenty years. derickdillard's salary at Wal Mart isn't going to keep a family of 22 in iPhones and frumpwear. One would think that the fact he has an accounting degree would help him surface from the Kool Aid long enough to calculate the dollars and cents involved in supporting a family of that size, but it doesn't seem to have happened.

 

If Jilly Muffin is determined to beat her parents in sheer numbers, the financial, emotional and physical costs will be far higher than she ever imagined.

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Yes, I'll believe in the adoption when someone really does this. Between the financial commitment and the government intrusion, I just don't see the Duggar children going down this route. And that doesn't even get into the ridiculous theological crap they were taught about "sins of the parents" which I will give them the benefit of the doubt and believe they are capable of moving beyond.

I imagine Jill will still have quite a few children - perhaps even a set of twins. As the fourth child she can probably really remember about ten young children in the house, which it's quite possible she could manage.

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(edited)

I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about Jill and Derrick's sex life, but they opened the door, so here goes.

Does their religion allow women to, er, "accomodate" their husbands in ways other than traditional sex? For instance, they have to wait 40 days after birthing a boy. Does that mean that other forms of intimacy are prohibited?

There are ways for a married couple to be intimate that don't risk pregnancy. If I were not allowed to use birth control, I would definitely be favoring those forms of intimacy so I could space out my children. Is that even allowed?

Ok, I have to bleach my brain now.

Edited by Jusagirlintheworld
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(edited)

Not during?

I think they pop in Dr. Wheat's uber sexy "how to procreate" on tape. Remember that CD Jim Bob gave to Josh and, ON CAMERA, they newlyweds listened to on the way to the honeymoon Days Inn? Oh yeah! Nothing gets a tiger purring like the dulcet tones of an octogenarian reading his Christian sex book. Edited by wanderwoman
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There are ways for a married couple to be intimate that don't risk pregnancy. If I were not allowed to use birth control, I would definitely be favoring those forms of intimacy so I could space out my children. Is that even allowed?

 

It's my impression that any kind of sex which can't result in conception is probably taboo in Gothard World.  I mean why would you want to waste precious sperm?  :)  I can also see the Duggar girls being totally grossed out by "other" forms of sex.  But that's pure speculation.

 

I fully expect Jill to announce her second pregnancy in about 3 weeks.  Lord knows they didn't waste any time announcing it the first time around.

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