Jusagirlintheworld

I felt so bad for Vicki during the niddah. Ben is such a child. I can understand why niddah is tough for women. I would think the hard part would be forfeiting their husband's affection, not abstaining from sex. That time of the month is a lousy time for me. I get tired, insecure, emotional, and I used to get terrible cramps. My husband empathizes with me and gives me lots of reassuring hugs, back rubs, and extra cuddles. I would hate it if he couldn't even touch me at all. I would be throwing thing at Ben.

Why didn't Vicki and Ben attend seminars on marital issues, like budgeting, through their church? My church offers classes on all sorts of topics. Like budgeting. Our church offers classes on finances - how to budget each month (and provides budgeting forms), suggestions on how to reconcile spending differences between a husband and wife, how to bargain hunt, how to negotiate big ticket items, and how to invest (eg,401(k), IRAs, etc). Many kids take it before heading off to college. Our pastor definitely recommends it to engaged couples. Our church offers other classes such as parenting, marital communication, workplace attire and etiquette, etc. Ben would be much more sensitive if he and Vicki had attended a class on how to bond and relate to each other during niddah.

Ita. The experts repeatedly accused Davina of not trying in Season 2, even though she was paired with a guy who spent a bulk of his time in another state. Yet, Ashley was asked whether David could've done anything to make her feel more comfortable. The experts coddled Asey the whole time, even advising David to coddle her too. Smh.

I agree that Neil couldn't physically bail out due to breach of contract risks. But he could've mentally bailed or even expressed hesitation or concern. Instead, he UPPED HIS GAME and did MORE for Sam. He made more statements about his commitment, performed more acts of service for Sam (eg, offering to cook, doing activities she enjoyed like fishing and ghost tours), and was more thoughtful (eg, gifts). Was Neil just "leaning in" to go through the motions, even though really didn't want the relationship? At a minimum, he was not forthcoming. Some might call it dishonest. Some may even speculate that he did have a motive . . . Revenge. As for me, I'm just confused. And yet, he invites her to do something with him as friends. He doesn't just make a vague statement about being friends, he wants to take affirmative steps to continue the relationship. Why, Neil? I don't understand you!

That's fair. But he still chose divorce after multiple"loving" overtures, countless talking heads reiterating his commitment to the marriage, and wholeheartedly insisting that there were more good times than bad (in response to Sam's questioning about Decision Day). It's a mystery to me. He said that his attractin to Sam waned over time. Ok, so he was attracted to her in the beginning when she was treating him like garbage, but stopped when she started treating him with respect? Huh? I don't blame Neil for bailing out. I don't understand why he waited so long and gave such mixed signals.

Bunny Slippers nailed it. Neil seriously confuses me. Sam was awful at the beginning. No debate. Many men would've mentally checked out. Not Neil. In fact, Neil made almost no protest nor set any limits. At first, he seemed to react normally. He stood up to her once on the honeymoon. Notrmal. I didn't even think it was unusual for him to agree to pay 60% of the bills. I figured that he was giving her the benefit of the doubt and he could renegotiate later. Then, Sam insisted that he move into her home and refused to give him a key. I kept waiting for him to say no. Or even to go back to his house. Not Neil. He moves in and says ok. Sure he made some feeble suggestions that he wanted to get a new house. But he sounded like the basement guy in Office Space asking for his stapler. I kept waiting for him to put his foot down, express his needs, make demands, express frustration, something. Instead, he reiterated he was committed to her and the marriage. He trucked on, making overtures. He acquainted himself with her culture, cooking for her, etc. Finally, I decided that he must have the patience of a saint. (Now, I wonder if he was plotting his passive-aggressive revenge.) Then his patience started paying off. They move into a new house. Sam told him she missed him. He said he was surprised and touched at her feelings. He said that he was excited that the relationship was turning around. He bought her gifts. Not just tokens. Thoughtful gifts that he knew she would like, things she had wished for. She hugged him and kissed his check. He smiled broadly. Athough Neil's behavior is generally very subdued, he clearly showed excitement and enthusiasm when she had more wedding pictures made. He said they were beautiful and that he loved them. He initiated and reciprocated substantial physical interaction with Sam on the fishing trip. He carried her piggyback and let her carry him piggyback. She kissed him in the car. He smiled. She make a joke that she just wanted him to be sure that her lips weren't chapped. He smile and agreed that it would be good to know, joining in on the joke. She confessed that she believed in ghosts. He clearly didn't, but he smiled as he watched her excitement. He said that it was fun to watch her have fun and spend time together. On Decision Day morning, Sam asked if Neil thought they had more good times than bad times. (Clearly, she was "feeling out" what he would decide.) Neil didn't even have to think about it. He didn't just say yes, he said "abso-f*****- utely!" Sam smiled and they hugged each other and cuddled on the bed. Hours later, an emotionless Neil coldly said he was committed (dramatic pause) to a divorce. As Sam runs out crying, Neil sits passive and emotionless in his seat. The next day, Sam is smarting, but trying to maintain her composure. Neil knows the table have turned. He smiles and invites her to get together with him and do something as friends. WTH?

Actually, he didn't seem that closed off to me. He bought her gifts, he got excited about the wedding photos, he carried her piggy back. I would agree that he was closed off if he had pulled an Ashley or even was less enthusiastic, but he wasn't. And he didn't just say he wanted to be friends. He said that after she felt better, he wanted to get together and do something as friends. He is the one who invited her to get together. Weird. Yeah, a similar thought crossed my mind. Didn't he cite his lackluster physical response at Sam's kiss as a motivator for his divorce decision or am I forgetting what he said? Is he f om a very traditional family?

I get David. I guess I relate to him. David is the kind of guy who is in it to win it. He was going to make every effort to make the marriage succeed, even if he was married to someone like Ashley. I think he had too much confidence in the experts. He was like a kid on a treasure hunt. He kept thinking that there was something redeeming in Ashley. Why else would the experts have chosen her for him? Every time she treated him badly, he would reassure himself that she possessed that elusive special quality and that he just hadn't discovered it yet. He convinced himself that he would find it if he could just [fill in the blank] (eg, be more attentive, have more time, make her happy, be a better husband, make her feel comfortable).

Lol. Not thrilled with it, but it's easier to type on an iPad. i hate the word "hubs." Lol

First off, Sam acted terribly. No question. Putting that aside, I am intrigued by your analysis of Neil. My hubby and I were stunned at his decision to divorce. We thought back over the episodes to look for clues. Hubby pointed out that Neil really didn't talk about his feeling much at all. He just kept a running commentary on Sam's behavior and the activity of the day. Hubby concluded that Neil is uber-passive. He never set firm limits with Sam. That's what Hubby thinks Sam meant by her "put me in my place'" comment (known here as her Fifty Shades of Grey remark. Lol) I think Neil ought to have been more open about his feelings. I was mistaken in thinking his gifts and excitement over the wedding photos were genuinely heartfelt. I speculated that Meil didn't voice his hesitations because he was frightened. I don't know why, though. Did he think Sam would become violent? That's a little far fetched IMO. It is interesting that you say that Neil is just very subtle. That viewers can discern his thoughts if they are focused and astutely attentive to his tone and expressions. I think you may be right. To that I say : How exhausting! He's going to need a very special girl to study him. That's a job in and of itself. IMHO, marriage is supposed to be fun and energizing, not a constant vigil becsuse one partner refuses to say what is on his mind. I guess it all comes down to personality. (To put my comments in context- I'm a female version of David. Upbeat, persistent, but sometimes clueless. Hubby is like Doug. Chill, laid back, but still athletic and masculine.) ETA: Also, can someone explain why Neil wants to hang out with Sam as friends? I understand parting on friendly terms, but why would he want to affirmatively create and spend time on a new friendship after the marriage was a bust? Is it a guilt thing for ending the marriage and hurting Sam? Is his ego flattered that Sam is clearly smitten with him? Is it a control issue because she wants to be with him and he is reminded that he said no? Why doesn't he just move forward?

Me, too!

I asked my hubby how he would feel about knockin' boots with Robyn. He visably shuddered.

Janelle is practical. She wants the money. "Sam" says Janelle is absolutely paranoid that she will be taken advantage of financially. She guards her money and her income jealously. The fans are taking issue with Kody. Janelle may fear that the gravy train will end if she doesn't defend Kody. Bahaaha. You win the Internet!!!

If the rotating fever blister is any indication, I think Robyn has something Kody wants. I have to go bleach my brain now. Blech.

Yep, that describes our reasoning. Ungodly. Lol