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Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House


Message added by Scarlett45

The Duggars post about politics on social media frequently, but these social media posts are not an invitation to discuss politics here in this forum. This rule extends to Duggar adjacent families, friends, associates etc. Such discussions are a violation of the Politics Policy. 

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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On 3/13/2021 at 2:00 PM, DangerousMinds said:

You would think Jessa would be posting about Bin and the church to help attract more of a crowd. Why isn’t she?

Maybe things are on the downlow so they will be under the radar of those who might not share their beliefs and would possibly consider taking action to disrupt?

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On 3/13/2021 at 11:03 PM, emmawoodhouse said:

I still don't know whay attracted Jessa. Ben was big on romantic gestures, but Jessa wasn't having any of that. What wore her down in the end? She doesn't strike me as the preacher's wife type, but here we are, 7 years later. She's just so guarded all the time, not the type of person you would expect to host ladies' bible studies and coffee klatches.

I think she wanted to have sex and be free to really run her own home and Ben was the nearest available, decently appealing, available means to her ends. 

ETA:   I forgot a very key part -- he was also obviously very malleable.

 

Edited by Tikichick
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22 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

I don't know if it that she's not smart per se. I think if she had been educated properly and been in a normal family, she would have done much better. 

 

21 hours ago, Zella said:

I think beyond education issues, Jill is temperamentally unsuited to nursing. Many people are not good candidates for nursing for reasons beyond education. (Myself included.) If she had had a better foundational education, I think she would have been better equipped to finish a program, but I am not sure she would have been a good nurse. She seemed to fundamentally lack the good judgment you'd want from someone in that position.

My grandmother is a good example of someone who wanted to be a nurse and didn't because she got married rather than going to school. But she has good judgment and has good instincts (when she has garden-variety medical suggestions about everyday things, I usually listen as a result), so I think she would have been a really good nurse if she had pursued that. I don't see that in Jill. 

That being said, if Jill had had a better education and a non-Gothard upbringing, maybe those personality factors would have been different as well. 

Properly educated and raised in a family where a wide world of options was actually available, perhaps Jill would have been free to expand her horizons and discover where her passions and aptitudes would lead.

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With regards to Bin and his church, I think Jessa doesn't brag about it for two reasons. One: she's desperate to keep the show going. Jessa knows that without TLC money, they're fucked. Their belief system is no secret, but she's not going to rock the boat and speak publicly about it, the way Derick did with Jazz. Two: it seems like the church is small and not well attended. Jessa may be embarrassed to post pictures of Bin preaching to fifteen people. Bin's employment status is a known sore spot. She won't be able to handle the inevitable snarky comments. 

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15 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

Two: it seems like the church is small and not well attended. Jessa may be embarrassed to post pictures of Bin preaching to fifteen people.

Oooh I hadn't thought of that, but yes I could see that really grinding her gears. 

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3 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

I don't see Jill as stupid at all - and I agree that it's hard to know how she would have developed if she were reared in a non-cult environment. It's hard to know that about most of the Duggar kids, I think. Jill seems to be more open and friendly with people than Jessa, and I also think from the SM postings I've seen that Jill is open to learning things. Jessa is, as has been said here, very guarded. We saw on the show that she wasn't comfortable interacting with new people in environments outside her usual stomping grounds. If I had to be stuck somewhere for a few hours in the company of one of those two, I'd pick Jill. I think I'd walk across a street and around a block to avoid encountering Jessa. 

Jill, and Jinger for that matter, are both getting a dose of expanded horizons to varying degrees, differently from their siblings.   Notably both of them do seem to roll with the idea of socializing with others in a way we don't see much of from the rest of the family, who seem to all swim in the Gothard/Big Sandy/what have you pond pretty exclusively.   Both Jill and Jinger are swimming outside those waters in the wake of their husbands, something I don't think Jessa would do, because I don't think she respects or trusts Ben to lead.   Jessa struggles when outside familiar waters anyway, so it would take a really strong spouse to even get her to dip a toe outside the familiar the way Jill and Jinger have done.  Truthfully I suspect Jana pushes her own boundaries without a spouse, which cannot be easy.   For all of her determination to dominate others, Jessa doesn't have that kind of confidence.   I suspect she would still have the same aggressive, controlling personality if she had been raised in a more mainstream environment.  I just think she would be a mean girl operating in a much more conventional arena.  

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24 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

It almost certainly guarantees some, or all will flee from fundamentalism once it doesn’t work for them anymore.

Unfortunately, many will be ill equipped for the flight. Besides having no educations and little close-up experience with humans other than aunts and uncles and first cousins, at least some are gonna pick up unfortunate worldviews and attitudes from their parents.....

Hard for me to imagine that Jessa's combination of acting superior while actually being scared to death of the outside world won't rub off on some of her kids, since they'll have few other influences. And many of the influences they do have will share at least some of that with Jessa. That'll leave some crippling though largely unconscious habits and attitudes on some of her kids, even if they do reject the confining principles of mom's religion and her cult. 

Edited by Churchhoney
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22 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

It almost certainly guarantees some, or all will flee from fundamentalism once it doesn’t work for them anymore.

It kind of makes me feel a little sick to my stomach when I think of what that might look like.   Uneducated, unprepared, under stress, and possibly really traumatized if they really do buy into the belief system and find themselves completely adrift, possibly with a sense of bitterness?  betrayal?  It could be very tragic, traumatizing.   

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My conscience is prodding me a little bit to show a little grace, step back and give my assessment of Jessa some space to accommodate for having been a victim forced to continue living with and cover for her abuser.   Maybe that amped up her alpha personality tendencies into hyperdrive for very understandable reasons.   I really should leave space to allow for the idea that suffering trauma in a very restrictive and confined environment could have shaped her need to control, made her very rigid, unable to attempt to adapt to new things or be very willing to be open and interact with others.  

I probably should have thought about this before my previous comments which may have been too harsh under the circumstances.

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3 hours ago, Jeeves said:

I don't see Jill as stupid at all - and I agree that it's hard to know how she would have developed if she were reared in a non-cult environment. It's hard to know that about most of the Duggar kids, I think. Jill seems to be more open and friendly with people than Jessa, and I also think from the SM postings I've seen that Jill is open to learning things. Jessa is, as has been said here, very guarded. We saw on the show that she wasn't comfortable interacting with new people in environments outside her usual stomping grounds. If I had to be stuck somewhere for a few hours in the company of one of those two, I'd pick Jill. I think I'd walk across a street and around a block to avoid encountering Jessa. 

As an introvert, I'd much prefer being stuck with Jessa than Jill. Jessa and I could ignore each other; Jill's friendliness and boundless enthusiasm would grate, and I have too much home training to not be polite and engage in small talk no matter how much she's making me want to pull my hair out. 😄

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1 hour ago, Tikichick said:

It kind of makes me feel a little sick to my stomach when I think of what that might look like.   Uneducated, unprepared, under stress, and possibly really traumatized if they really do buy into the belief system and find themselves completely adrift, possibly with a sense of bitterness?  betrayal?  It could be very tragic, traumatizing.   

And being taken advantage of by people who can spot them from a mile away. Seemingly nice people who want to help them. Until it's too late for them to get out. 😞 Been there done that. 

Edited by QuinnInND
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7 hours ago, Jeeves said:

I don't see Jill as stupid at all - and I agree that it's hard to know how she would have developed if she were reared in a non-cult environment. It's hard to know that about most of the Duggar kids, I think. Jill seems to be more open and friendly with people than Jessa, and I also think from the SM postings I've seen that Jill is open to learning things. Jessa is, as has been said here, very guarded. We saw on the show that she wasn't comfortable interacting with new people in environments outside her usual stomping grounds. If I had to be stuck somewhere for a few hours in the company of one of those two, I'd pick Jill. I think I'd walk across a street and around a block to avoid encountering Jessa. 

In the old days, Jill was the only one to seem interested and enthusiastic about learning Spanish (though she doesn’t seem to have succeeded.) she was also into her midwifery training, such as it was. When did Jessa ever show interest in learning ANYTHING?

Edited by DangerousMinds
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6 hours ago, Tikichick said:

Jill, and Jinger for that matter, are both getting a dose of expanded horizons to varying degrees, differently from their siblings.   Notably both of them do seem to roll with the idea of socializing with others in a way we don't see much of from the rest of the family, who seem to all swim in the Gothard/Big Sandy/what have you pond pretty exclusively.   Both Jill and Jinger are swimming outside those waters in the wake of their husbands, something I don't think Jessa would do, because I don't think she respects or trusts Ben to lead.   Jessa struggles when outside familiar waters anyway, so it would take a really strong spouse to even get her to dip a toe outside the familiar the way Jill and Jinger have done.  Truthfully I suspect Jana pushes her own boundaries without a spouse, which cannot be easy.   For all of her determination to dominate others, Jessa doesn't have that kind of confidence.   I suspect she would still have the same aggressive, controlling personality if she had been raised in a more mainstream environment.  I just think she would be a mean girl operating in a much more conventional arena.  

Has anyone seen “Romy and Michelle‘s High School Reunion?” I think Jessa would have been like one of the mean girls at that 10-year reunion. Still stuck up and entitled, but have done nothing but marry their high school boyfriend and have babies. Except now the high school boyfriends aren’t hot sports stars anymore, but regular schlubs who have never left their hometown.

4 hours ago, Tikichick said:

It kind of makes me feel a little sick to my stomach when I think of what that might look like.   Uneducated, unprepared, under stress, and possibly really traumatized if they really do buy into the belief system and find themselves completely adrift, possibly with a sense of bitterness?  betrayal?  It could be very tragic, traumatizing.   

Much like Jill R and her family.

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I don't think Jill was much more than a Doula, and even that's a reach. If this was back in the days of Little House, Jill would have been the water boiler and towel getter. And maybe once in a while, a hand holder.

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The thing about Jill is that she had some drive to do something that would take her at least a little way out of her box. 

Her whole doula thing did show a desire to actively do something, to do something that's kind of an actual job, to do a job that's helpful to people when they're in need of help, and -- while she didn't succeed with it -- to learn some facts and some practices and use them to accomplish something.

And minimal as all those ambitions are, they don't show up among Duggar women very often. So -- too bad they didn't work out better for her. 

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4 hours ago, lascuba said:

As an introvert, I'd much prefer being stuck with Jessa than Jill. Jessa and I could ignore each other; Jill's friendliness and boundless enthusiasm would grate, and I have too much home training to not be polite and engage in small talk no matter how much she's making me want to pull my hair out. 😄

I'm super introverted as well, but not entirely typical  in that as long as someone starts talking to me first and seems willing to listen, I can keep talking forever. So I'd probably be happy enough to chat with Jill, but if Jessa sat there and waited to see whether I'd say something, we might stare at each other for hours in silence. I don't do small talk, but I do overshare. Though, to be fair, if someone else wants to be the main talker, I will actually listen to them and retain information, too.

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2 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

In the old days, Jill was the only one to seem interested and enthusiastic about learning Spanish (though she doesn’t seem to have succeeded.) she was also into her midwifery training, such as it was.

My thoughts exactly. Jill has a spark of curiosity and a willingness to learn. Unfortunately, School of the Dining Room table didn’t teach her HOW to learn, and that’s something that’s exponentially more difficult to pick up as an adult if you didn’t get the foundation when your brain was young and malleable. (But hey they were babies for preteen Jill to raise and cleaning for her to do, no time for school even if her parents had believed in it.)
 

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1 hour ago, Churchhoney said:

The thing about Jill is that she had some drive to do something that would take her at least a little way out of her box. 

Her whole doula thing did show a desire to actively do something, to do something that's kind of an actual job, to do a job that's helpful to people when they're in need of help, and -- while she didn't succeed with it -- to learn some facts and some practices and use them to accomplish something.

And minimal as all those ambitions are, they don't show up among Duggar women very often. So -- too bad they didn't work out better for her. 

None of the Duggars have been raised with the idea that they need to even aspire to have any drive to do anything.   That is a huge problem with the whole conceit of Duggar time.   It also creates an enormous blind spot and an even bigger obstacle for any of them to ever have a reckoning with anything like ambition.

I've mentioned before that I think issues in these types of areas are exactly where Derick and Jill struggled to get on the same page early in their relationship.   For all the Duggar pride in their oh so very thought out courtships that guarantee the perfect godly marriages, for people who haven't grown up in that kind of lifestyle they might not recognize just how different and pervasive their philosophies are to even the most mundane aspects of life.  JB signed off on Derick, so Jill assumed he would pick up where JB left off, no change of ideas, lifestyle, etc. Derick was used to being on a schedule for work and school, and a mother that worked and didn't expect to be tied to her husband's hip all day.  I think he also expected to be able to have regular, run of the mill conversations, not just reading Bible passages, devotions and prayer.   

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Everybody calling Jess’s smart.  If she were smart, she would have already used Instagram to publicly  give her house to bunkbed shed and his new bride. Jim Bob would have no choice but to buy her a new house under the table. Go for the nuts,  Jess! The 4th pregnancy is falling flat.

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Her pregnancy got lost in her brother's weddings, and waiting for Claire to announce the first blessing.

Jessa's 4th is not a big deal anymore. Only think she has left are twins, but this she can't make happen

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5 minutes ago, Zella said:

She can't really compete with the one-two punch of Hilaria and the Jedding. 

Oh my goodness... "Hilaria and the Jedding" is an inspired turn of phrase. Cracking up over here. Jessa's fourth child cannot rise to this level of entertaining crazy, for sure!

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31 minutes ago, thehorseofpower said:

Oh my goodness... "Hilaria and the Jedding" is an inspired turn of phrase. Cracking up over here. Jessa's fourth child cannot rise to this level of entertaining crazy, for sure!

Haha thank you! I feel like it could be an indie band name. 😉 

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10 hours ago, Snow Fairy said:

Her pregnancy got lost in her brother's weddings, and waiting for Claire to announce the first blessing.

Jessa's 4th is not a big deal anymore. Only think she has left are twins, but this she can't make happen

Well... With Jessa and her lack of prenatal care she can bleed to death in childbirth on the gross birthing couch...

 

Yeah no one cares about Jessa and her mustard cardigan and child groom 

 

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Jessa is so obvious in the timing of her "announcements". She announced a day before Joe and Kendra's baby was born, a week before the Clairitin wedding and now Jed!'s wedding. she got her one day of attention/publicity that would have been completely lost announcing later.

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12 hours ago, Snow Fairy said:

Jessa's 4th is not a big deal anymore.

Over on the Duggar Facebook page, the leghumpers are predictably gushing over it and they keep referring to it as a "rainbow baby". Did Jessa have a miscarriage?

 

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On 3/17/2021 at 4:13 PM, Albanyguy said:

Over on the Duggar Facebook page, the leghumpers are predictably gushing over it and they keep referring to it as a "rainbow baby". D

 

Too bad the rainbow will have to sleep in a room with three to five other people, a mile-high stack of theology books, a bunch of still-wet-puke-infested sheets, and a two-mile-high stack of used-but-undisposed-of diapers. And bare walls except for a giant photo of the parents kissing. 

No special place prepared for you, rainbow kid. But, of course, in their house no place is actually prepared for anyone. I suppose I shouldn't find that distressing, since it's just Jessa's style. But I do. 

Edited by Churchhoney
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30 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

Too bad the rainbow will have to sleep in a room with three to five other people, a mile-high stack of theology books, a bunch of still-wet-puke-infested sheets, and a two-mile-high stack of diapers. And bare walls except for a giant photo of her parents kissing. 

No special place prepared for you, rainbow kid. But, of course, in their house no place is actually prepared for anyone. I suppose I shouldn't find that distressing, since it's just Jessa's style. But I do. 

so nice they were able to keep that queen size bottom bunk guest bed though....

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There were at least two times last year that seemed like Jessa was about to announce a pregnancy, so it seems likely that she did have a loss. She hasn't posted since her announcement which automatically means no attention. She needs to post more on Instagram. 

As for Jill, anyone can call themselves a doula. It's completely unregulated industry. Midwives, nurses, etc. have strict guidelines, but there are no requirements to being a doula. (I'm talking here in the USA, no idea about anywhere else.)

Edited by Temperance
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12 hours ago, Temperance said:

There were at least two times last year that seemed like Jessa was about to announce a pregnancy, so it seems likely that she did have a loss. She hasn't posted since her announcement which automatically means no attention. She needs to post more on Instagram. 

As for Jill, anyone can call themselves a doula. It's completely unregulated industry. Midwives, nurses, etc. have strict guidelines, but there are no requirements to being a doula. (I'm talking here in the USA, no idea about anywhere else.)

Didn't we establish Jill is a Certified Professional Midwife? Which is basically a certificate course, needing only a high school degree as a pre-req. And CPMs aren't recognized in most states. Which to me, is closer to a Doula than an actual Certified Nurse Midwife or a Certified Midwife, which require graduate degrees and undergrad as a pre-req.

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1 minute ago, GeeGolly said:

Didn't we establish Jill is a Certified Professional Midwife? Which is basically a certificate course, needing only a high school degree as a pre-req. And CPMs aren't recognized in most states. Which to me, is closer to a Doula than an actual Certified Nurse Midwife or a Certified Midwife, which require graduate degrees and undergrad as a pre-req.

I think that's right. The Arkansas Dept of Health administers the state's licensing program for lay midwives. 

I think Jill achieved the CPM status by coursework and tests through the North American Registry of Midwives (NARM), and was actually on the department's list of "apprentices" or trainees or something, but didn't complete the steps to get the state license which requires more than just the NARM certificate. 

The state's website has this description of lay midwives: "Although the Licensed Lay Midwife is not a Physician or Certified Nurse Midwife, she is trained in prenatal care, labor and delivery, postpartum care, and newborn care. The Licensed Lay Midwife provides a choice for a home delivery." There's an apprentice program administered by the department. 

The latest list of licensed midwives is online here: https://www.healthy.arkansas.gov/images/uploads/pdf/LLM_Listing_02.19.21.pdf. There's a helpful explanation of the different types of midwives in that document. And BTW Theresa Fedosky is a Licensed Lay Midwife according to that list. IIRC she hit some turbulence with respect to her license status a few years ago but seems to be back in good standing now.

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3 minutes ago, cmr2014 said:

One thing that the Duggars have done for me is to make me feel some gratitude for my own family, and my own childhood -- which was hardly magical. ...

I'm not suggesting that everyone must (or should) manage their households in the same way, but there is a huge amount of variation possible within the broad parameters of 1. having the number of kids you can afford and have space to house 2. feeding your family 3, keeping your children clean and appropriately clothed 4. maintaining a reasonably clean and safe home environment. Jessa and Ben have pretty much failed at all of these and I hope that #4 will be their last -- just because they CAN stuff one more child into that pigpen doesn't mean that they SHOULD  (I know that's a pointless thing to say).

Great post! Now that you mention it, I'm also grateful that I grew up in a family where I had my own bed with clean sheets, regular meals, and meaningful parental attention. And what we're seeing of how Jessa's kids are living is IMO pretty sad. It's even sadder to think that this is information that Jessa herself is providing, so she must be fine with the unkempt children, etc. Sigh.

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26 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

First family fishing trip:

 

 

I’ve watched half of the video.  I only saw Jessa’s reflection in the car window and her shadow on the water, but she looks pretty far along.  I’m guessing at least 6 months.  Henry’s speech seems better, so maybe they actually put him in speech therapy.  Spurge seems like such a bright little guy.  Maybe he’ll actually do something productive with his life that has nothing to do with breeding. 🤞🏻 (unless he wants to be a L&D nurse.  If that’s the case, I’ll pay for his schooling because going that route would be a big 🖕🏻to the Duggar/Gothard cult!) Ivy Jane is sleepy/sleeping with her hair in disarray, as usual. 😕 I’m glad they got the kids out of the house to do something new that they enjoy. 🐟

Edited by farmgal4
Because I can’t type anything w/o making a mistake. I’m old, damn it!
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Do Ben and Jessa interact at all? Maybe is having 3 kids but I found it weird how far apart they were when fishing. I understand a safe distance to avoid tangled lines, but that was a lot of space between them. I wonder how blessing #4 will affect their perfect marriage. 

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17 minutes ago, SMama said:

Do Ben and Jessa interact at all? Maybe is having 3 kids but I found it weird how far apart they were when fishing. I understand a safe distance to avoid tangled lines, but that was a lot of space between them. I wonder how blessing #4 will affect their perfect marriage. 

They seem very disconnected to me, too. I realize that Jessa is very "cut and dried" as she says, but Ben was very romantic, and he certainly isn't like that any more. Maybe they're more affectionate and communicative when they're home alone, but it doesn't look very fun to me.

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I think Ben took one look at the giant mucky puddle and was like, Really?! Jessa had to convince him that her siblings said the fish were jumping on the hooks.

I also think Ben might be a little annoyed that Jessa films everything. Spurgie certainly was. I wanted to say, put down your friggin phone and help you kid fish. Of course when she finally did, it was to help Ivy and poor Spurgie had to film.

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4 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

 

I also think Ben might be a little annoyed that Jessa films everything. Spurgie certainly was. I wanted to say, put down your friggin phone and help you kid fish. Of course when she finally did, it was to help Ivy and poor Spurgie had to film.

I agree. It's hard to enjoy an activity when you're pressured to perform for a camera. Overall though, it seems like Bin has completely checked out. In their recent videos, all his communications with Jessa are short and perfunctory, like he doesn't speak to her any more than he has to. They don't share jokes or fun banter or give any indication there's a shred of happiness between them. I'm honestly shocked they managed to create #4.

And I know I've harped on this a million times, but what the hell is up with Ivy? That kid is chronically exhausted.

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Message added by Scarlett45

The Duggars post about politics on social media frequently, but these social media posts are not an invitation to discuss politics here in this forum. This rule extends to Duggar adjacent families, friends, associates etc. Such discussions are a violation of the Politics Policy. 

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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