The Duggalos: Jinger and the Holy Goalie

[Sew Sumi]

Apparently, the Vuolos have never had a fight.

http://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/jinger-duggar-jeremy-vuolo-fight-157207.amp

[Christina87]

What so many people don't realize is that a fight doesn't have to be this epic, swinging from the chandeliers, low blow filled, hateful event that threatens your marriage. It is way more unhealthy to walk on eggshells and not express your true opinion! I was with a guy in my mid-twenties who NEVER disagreed with me, and we never came anywhere close to a fight. I thought it was sort of cute that he would say, "where do you want to eat?" "Bonefish." "Me too! That's exactly what I want!" And agreed with me every time. However, we were together a year, and he snapped. He was tired of keeping his opinion in, and doing things that he didn't want to do, even though I never asked him to be like that. As far as I knew, we had no problems, and were a couple months away from getting engaged, but he was apparently miserable. It was a huge shock finding out we had serious problems when I had no idea! He just left, without truly explaining himself, and didn't give me a chance. It took me another year to get over it. In my next relationship, our first fight was a turning point in our relationship that brought us closer, because we had weathered a storm together, and could then be way more open. Not saying the vuolos are going to break up, but expressing your wants is healthy. I'd hate to have a baby with someone and still be walking on eggshells, afraid to express my true opinion on anything!

[Sew Sumi]

Well, the did admit to disagreements, but that could be anything from chocolate or vanilla to one theologian's POV over another. Eh, in the latter case, I guess that's when Jeremy "teaches" his willing puppy.....err....pupil.

It sounds like they have decent resolution skills. I'm pretty sure that the Seewalds have admitted to fights.

Edited April 1, 2018 by Sew Sumi

[lookeyloo]

Do disagreements have to become a fight? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they have compatible temperaments about disagreements. 

[P2C2E]

It depends on what you're used to. When I lived with my parents, fights were screaming and shouting, with doors slamming. My partner doesn't handle conflict that way and early on in our relationship I would have said we never fought because our disagreements never reached the level that I considered a fight.

If Jinger is used to fights that involve screaming, but she and Jeremy fight without raising voices, she may categorize those fights as disagreements. If they have had disagreements, of any level, and have learned to resolve them, then I consider that a sign of a healthy relationship. I'm not concerned about a lack of fighting.

[Christina87]

It seems that in the duggar house, though, a "disagreement" could practically be anything from thinking something Jesus wouldn't approve of on up. Plus, we all saw how Jinger wouldn't tell Jeremy what she wanted on the house projects, instead letting Jessa decide, or at least tell him. Jinger, being "meek" and all, may hold everything in because she's been conditioned to keep sweet. I tend to worry more about things like this with these kids than I would about people who grew up in the real world. 

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, P2C2E said:

It depends on what you're used to. When I lived with my parents, fights were screaming and shouting, with doors slamming. My partner doesn't handle conflict that way and early on in our relationship I would have said we never fought because our disagreements never reached the level that I considered a fight.

If Jinger is used to fights that involve screaming, but she and Jeremy fight without raising voices, she may categorize those fights as disagreements. If they have had disagreements, of any level, and have learned to resolve them, then I consider that a sign of a healthy relationship. I'm not concerned about a lack of fighting.

To me a “fight” what you describe as disrespectful language, slamming doors, raising your voice etc. In my home we were NOT allowed to raise our voices to each other or say things like “I hate you.”- no absolutely not.

So I don’t expect couples in healthy relationships to “fight”. Disagree yes, be annoyed with each other sometimes- of course, have conflicts etc but “fighting” to me signals aggression. 

[Sew Sumi]

Mechelle has parroted the famous line "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath" since the kids were little, so I gather that there was no real fighting in the Duggar household. Littles arguing over who gets what toy? Sure. But I think they were all trained to sit on their hands as they got older. Jinger seems like a people-pleaser to me, so I think that she would concede her opinion to Jeremy in an diasgreement/argument. 

And I'm the first to admit that where to draw the line between disagreements/arguments/fights is not a fixed definition. 

[lascuba]

A fight or major argument would imply having a spine, and we all no Jinger lacks that. She will always go along with what Jeremy wants. 

[TigerLily20]

23 hours ago, Catfin said:

Memories! When expecting, MIL told us to call her before we left for the hospital with our first so she'd have time to put on her makeup. She wanted to look good for pictures. After I stopped laughing, I clarified that only those present for the conception were to be present the day of delivery. She didn't buy it.

Bolding mine, this was my thoughts exactly, if you weren't there for conception you don't need to there for delivery unless you were helping to get it out....

[Heathen]

4 minutes ago, lascuba said:

A fight or major argument would imply having a spine, and we all no Jinger lacks that. She will always go along with what Jeremy wants. 

We can't possibly know that. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

6 hours ago, Bridget said:

 

I also hear a lot of “I’m full blooded ____________” from those who identify as Norwegian or Swedish. I have never met anyone who claims to be Eastern European or Russian.

The most recent series of Ancestry.com commercials have made me really wish that Ancestry would either reduce their prices or that they would send out thousands of the kits for free in order for more people to learn about where their true roots come from. Maybe I’m biased, but I can’t imagine looking at different countries on a map and not knowing where my ancestors hail from.

My parents are both originally from Poland, and my dad traced the family tree on both sides back about five or six generations between the fact that quite a number of my ancestors were keen on keeping diaries and his own relentless research whenever he went back there, which was generally every year. As far as we can tell, there is no one in the family tree going back at least that far who is not Polish. Maybe a drop of Ukranian or other Slovakian blood here and there, especially with changes in borders, but nothing even remotely exotic. I've been wanting to do one of those DNA tests just to see whether I can claim any other sort of ancestry without going all the way back to Africa. Everyone else I know has all these interesting combinations. All my cousins are at least Polish and Irish (my parents both ended up in England in their late teens after WWII). My husband is Belgian/French Canadian/Scottish/English with other bits of this and that. But I'm just Polish, and trying to dress it up by calling myself purebred doesn't really make it seem much more exciting. At least I was born in England, but as my dad was fond of asking me when I used to try to call myself English, "if a chicken lays an egg in a pigsty, what will hatch out?"

Edited April 2, 2018 by Jynnan tonnix

[DragonFaerie]

So, back to the geneology thing. My father taught me research in my upper single digits and we did a ton of research in dim rooms with copies and such.  Later I got on the internet and became the family geneologist.  Almost all of our family was Scottish, even those poor souls that were rebels and got sent to Ireland.  I've been to Ireland and found the property my many great granduncle had.  I still need to go to Scotland.  Although I have discovered that my 5 Great grandfather immigrated to the US via the port of New Orleans from Prussia and that puts a whole 'nother spin on it.  But I'm still not missing a Scottish games - LOL

[jcbrown]

My sister and her ex got divorced after 12.5 years together and claimed to have never had a fight. My husband's take, "oh, they had lots of fights, they just never had them out loud." My sister's ex left her by moving his stuff out a little at a time without saying anything because he had bought himself a new house without telling her. Tell me there is no disagreement undercurrent there!

Topic: Jinger and Babe do seem to have a more functional relationship than, say, Josh (sex offender) and Anna (doormat), Jill and Dreck (both weirdo dysfunctional people), Jessa and Ben, and Joy and Austin (the budding sociopath) but that is a pretty low bar. I agree it depends on how she is qualifying "fight" vs. "disagreement."  Time will tell.

[lascuba]

3 minutes ago, Heathen said:

We can't possibly know that. 

She couldn't tell him how she wanted their apartment decorated and refused to express a single opinion on her kitchen cabinets without hearing what he wanted first. Assuming she's a spineless sycophant is the most logical guess. 

[Heathen]

3 minutes ago, lascuba said:

She couldn't tell him how she wanted their apartment decorated and refused to express a single opinion on her kitchen cabinets without hearing what he wanted first. Assuming she's a spineless sycophant is the most logical guess. 

"Reality tv" is scripted BS that does not coincide with reality. None of us can possibly know what Jinger is really like in her ordinary life. 

[bigskygirl]

9 minutes ago, Heathen said:

We can't possibly know that. 

He wanted a meek wife who thought he is the lord and king in the household. She looks at him with total awe and probably believes everything he says or does in order to please him.

[lascuba]

2 minutes ago, Heathen said:

"Reality tv" is scripted BS that does not coincide with reality. None of us can possibly know what Jinger is really like in her ordinary life. 

Well, no, no one can know what any of these people are really like. Quick! Let's shut down every single forum that discusses any reality tv show!

And yes, reality tv is scrited, but when dealing with people with zero acting ability, it's pretty obvious when they're acting and when they're being sincere. That, on top of what Jinger herself has told us about her beliefs, means I'm not going to make the baseless assumption that she and Jeremy have any kind of equality in their relationship. I tend to believe people when they show me who they are. 

[Christina87]

48 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

To me a “fight” what you describe as disrespectful language, slamming doors, raising your voice etc. In my home we were NOT allowed to raise our voices to each other or say things like “I hate you.”- no absolutely not.

So I don’t expect couples in healthy relationships to “fight”. Disagree yes, be annoyed with each other sometimes- of course, have conflicts etc but “fighting” to me signals aggression. 

See, I find this interesting, because to me that would be a nasty fight or something, which I wasn't allowed to do either growing up, and still avoid at most costs. I would describe the fights I had with my (functional) boyfriend as having a real problem that you have to solve, and you want different outcomes. I guess some could call that a disagreement, but I see a disagreement as McDonald's vs Arby's for dinner. When we had our first fight, I was upset that we hadn't seen each other in a certain amount of time, and worried about what that meant for how our relationship would go in the future. He thought it was fine that we hadn't spent much time together the last couple weeks, and didn't see it as anything that changed his feelings. I never wanted it to happen again, but he wanted me to accept that as part of his personality. We both were upset, but talked through it maturely and respectfully, since we both wanted to be happy in the relationship. I saw that as bigger than a disagreement, because it had real implications...we could have potentially broken up, and that did come up during the fight! Also, we got really emotional, and he saw a side to me that most people don't ever see. I see disagreements as more trivial issues, and I guess the only fights I've had per your definition were with my mentally abusive ex who didn't respond to reason, so everything had to be nasty and below the belt. 

It's so  interesting to hear things like this from other peoples' perspectives!!! We all grow up differently and have varying experiences, so we can all learn to see things in different ways from each other. Poor Jinger, though. I'm sure her lack of a spine will hold her back from even a minor disagreement!

Edited April 2, 2018 by Christina87

[Totally]

17 minutes ago, Heathen said:

"Reality tv" is scripted BS that does not coincide with reality. None of us can possibly know what Jinger is really like in her ordinary life. 

Yet we are always assuming what other Duggars are like from the snippets we see on tv and social media 

[Christina87]

Maybe Derick is an open-minded delight in real life, and Josh is an amazing baby-sitter! ?

[Scarlett45]

7 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I see disagreements as more trivial issues, and I guess the only fights I've had per your definition were with my mentally abusive ex who didn't respond to reason, so everything had to be nasty and below the belt. 

It's so  interesting to hear things like this from other peoples' perspectives!!! We all grow up differently and have varying experiences, so we can all learn to see things in different ways from each other. Poor Jinger, though. I'm sure her lack of a spine will hold her back from even a minor disagreement!

I too wonder what will happen one day when Jinger puts her foot down about something- will Jeremy be shocked or will he respect her? Women who have been known to be “meek” tend to grow a backbone when it comes to their baby people. 

[Christina87]

27 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I too wonder what will happen one day when Jinger puts her foot down about something- will Jeremy be shocked or will he respect her? Women who have been known to be “meek” tend to grow a backbone when it comes to their baby people. 

That's a good point about the baby coming. Growing up, I was described often as "too nice," and people kept constantly telling me to be more assertive. I just hated confrontation, lol! However, when I did learn how to have a backbone, some of my "friends" really turned on me. Jeremy signed up for the meek wife, and that was an important quality for him. Will Jessa be calling him up at 2:00 am telling him to feed the baby so Jinger can get a little rest? Only time will tell. 

[GeeGolly]

Shit they're barely out of the honeymoon stage and still playing nice. I'm sure they'll have more passionate disagreements as time passes. 

To me a fight is the level of the intensity of internal feelings, more than how the dispute is displayed. It could be shouting, arguing or even walking away. But if you're really pissed off, then it's a fight. And fighting is okay as long as there's some level of respect for all involved. 

I think early in a relationship both partners want to please each other, but after, say 5 years, 3 kids, a mortgage and dinner needing to be made, fights might look a little different.

[floridamom]

Couples who NEVER have any real disagreements with each other IMO, are not being honest with each other. One is always putting up and giving in. Sooner or later, that bubble explodes. I know, it happened to me after a 25 year marriage. My bubble burst completely and I'm with my present husband now. I've learned one can't pretend to be 'ok' with everything forever.

On another note, albeit a silly one, getting back to Jeremy's  "EYE-taliannness " , I wonder what background Grandma Vuolo has. When she explained to us that she was not Italian, she neglected to say what her heritage is. Anyone know? How about Diana Vuolo, what's her back ground?

[Churchhoney]

13 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Apparently, the Vuolos have never had a fight.

http://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/jinger-duggar-jeremy-vuolo-fight-157207.amp

Well, then their first one will likely be a doozy. 

[Christina87]

I tell ya...it will be over the third person in their marriage, Jessa. When the baby comes, she will be calling Jeremy, ordering him to do this or that, because Jinger won't do it. At a certain point, jeremy will charge into the room and ask, "have you told Jessa to tell me these things? Do you really feel like I need to do xyz?" Then Jinger will feel totally trapped, because she won't be able to avoid conflict forever!

[lascuba]

3 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I tell ya...it will be over the third person in their marriage, Jessa. When the baby comes, she will be calling Jeremy, ordering him to do this or that, because Jinger won't do it. At a certain point, jeremy will charge into the room and ask, "have you told Jessa to tell me these things? Do you really feel like I need to do xyz?" Then Jinger will feel totally trapped, because she won't be able to avoid conflict forever!

I can seriously picture this. She's used to letting Jessa be the fall guy in their relationship. Jinger gets all the benefits without any of the conflict or blame.

[Barb23]

18 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I tell ya...it will be over the third person in their marriage, Jessa. When the baby comes, she will be calling Jeremy, ordering him to do this or that, because Jinger won't do it. At a certain point, jeremy will charge into the room and ask, "have you told Jessa to tell me these things? Do you really feel like I need to do xyz?" Then Jinger will feel totally trapped, because she won't be able to avoid conflict forever!

I'll be sitting at my own table on this one. I don't see Jessa butting in that much.  It's not like they're next door neighbors where they know all the comings & goings of each other's lives. Besides the decorating (& I know Jessa is bossy) I don't remember her being that involved in Jin/Jer's lives. I think Jessa has enough on her plate without worrying about the Vuolos & how they handle conflict or that Jinge needs Jessa to speak for her. I  can't see Jeremy taking any orders from Jessa. I guess I don't see Jinge as meek as others do - just because they claim to not have disagreements or whatever, doesn't mean Jinge won't be able to tell Jer how she feels or ask for help. Maybe I missed something.  JMHO.

Edited April 3, 2018 by Barb23

[lascuba]

3 hours ago, Barb23 said:

I'll be sitting at my own table on this one. I don't see Jessa butting in that much.  It's not like they're next door neighbors where they know all the comings & goings of each other's lives. Besides the decorating (& I know Jessa is bossy) I don't remember her being that involved in Jin/Jer's lives. I think Jessa has enough on her plate without worrying about the Vuolos & how they handle conflict or that Jinge needs Jessa to speak for her. I  can't see Jeremy taking any orders from Jessa. I guess I don't see Jinge as meek as others do - just because they claim to not have disagreements or whatever, doesn't mean Jinge won't be able to tell Jer how she feels or ask for help. Maybe I missed something.  JMHO.

I don't think Jessa would take it upon herself to but in out of nowhere, but I could see her saying something if Jinger involves her somehow. During one of those episodes where they all get interviewed together, "bossy" Jessa said--and Jinger admitted to it--that all the changes she made were things that Jinger had told her she wanted, and Jessa was surprised that Jeremy hadn't known that. Jinger laughed that off with, "Oh, I'm just not very opinionated." That's why I, for one, think Jinger is a useless, meek dumb ass.

[lookeyloo]

It seems to me that Jinger and Jeremy are mostly compatible. Mr lookeyloo and I had a house built in a subdivision and we modified it and didn’t fight over anything. We remodeled some of this house (when I say “we” I mean qualified people with licenses) and we didn’t disagree or fight over anything. We both got what we wanted in both houses. We talked a lot and looked at things and it all was fine. We ar generally compatible - I am certainly not meek and he is not a bully.  We do disagree sometimes and over 36 years there has been a fight or two. Or three. But generally we just cruise along. Could it be possible that the Vuolos are similar?

[lascuba]

15 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

It seems to me that Jinger and Jeremy are mostly compatible. Mr lookeyloo and I had a house built in a subdivision and we modified it and didn’t fight over anything. We remodeled some of this house (when I say “we” I mean qualified people with licenses) and we didn’t disagree or fight over anything. We both got what we wanted in both houses. We talked a lot and looked at things and it all was fine. We ar generally compatible - I am certainly not meek and he is not a bully.  We do disagree sometimes and over 36 years there has been a fight or two. Or three. But generally we just cruise along. Could it be possible that the Vuolos are similar?

But would you hesitate to tell him what you wanted out of fear that he might not like it? Because that's the difference here, and that it why the Vuolos are not at all similar to you and your husband. Jeremy had zero clue that all the changes that Jessa made that he hated were things that Jinger had wanted. That's telling.

Edited April 3, 2018 by lascuba

[GeeGolly]

I think the whole put Jeremy's books in the closet was a mix of things. Jinger and Jeremy barely knowing each other, Jinger not wanting to be the bad guy, no one knowing Jeremy's "love" of books and Jessa being the usual bossy bitch.

I'm guessing Jessa and Jinger talked about what she might like and Jessa charged in and did what she wanted. I don't think Jinger was meek, but more overwhelmed and still figuring Jeremy out. And as a rule, the Duggars don't seem to involve the men in a 'girly' thing like decorating.

I don't think Jinger is meek or afraid of Jeremy. I think she is more thoughtful and caring of her husband in contrast to Jessa's selfishness. Jessa always seems in a hurry to rule her world with no consideration of others, where Jinger seems to take her time, think of others, figure things out and go from there.

[Celia Rubenstein]

I don't take Jinger's reluctance to speak up as being afraid of telling Jeremy what she wanted because he might not like it. I think she's just not used to expressing strong opinions with anyone.  But she was able to speak up with Jessa because she is so comfortable with her.

Give Jinge time to get more comfortable with her husband in her new life and I'm sure she'll turn out to have TONS of opinions. 

[Portia]

My husband and I didn't have a proper fight until, I don't know, at least five years into our marriage--and we had three babies and zero dollars during those first five years. I honestly believe that neither of us was sublimating anger or living inauthentically. We were just ridiculously in sync--almost like we were the same person.  That's just how it was; I'm not saying that it's the ideal way to do marriage! The downside to that kind of relationship is that you find yourself unprepared for the inevitable conflict. The first time we had a real fight, I was terrified. I honestly wondered if our marriage was over. We had to accept that we were two different people and learn how to work through a disagreement.  Today, 30 years later, we are still very much on the same page with regard to core values, but our personalities have changed a LOT.  I think we still have a great marriage, but there's  a much greater need for mutual understanding and accommodation today.  I'm always amused when I hear newlyweds talking about the difficulty of learning to live with each other; I think my spouse and I experienced that in reverse.   

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, lascuba said:

But would you hesitate to tell him what you wanted out of fear that he might not like it? Because that's the difference here, and that it why the Vuolos are not at all similar to you and your husband. Jeremy had zero clue that all the changes that Jessa made that he hated were things that Jinger had wanted. That's telling.

Of course, but then again, we only see what they show us on TV and it could have been producer driven to give us something to snark about.  

[BitterApple]

1 hour ago, Celia Rubenstein said:

I don't take Jinger's reluctance to speak up as being afraid of telling Jeremy what she wanted because he might not like it. I think she's just not used to expressing strong opinions with anyone.  But she was able to speak up with Jessa because she is so comfortable with her.

Give Jinge time to get more comfortable with her husband in her new life and I'm sure she'll turn out to have TONS of opinions. 

That's my take as well. I don't think Jeremy is some tyrant who rules his house with an iron fist, I think Jinger's just never been encouraged to assert herself. Independent thoughts were taboo in that family. I also think her lack of relationship experience contributes to it as well. I can see Jinger thinking "Oh no, is he going to hate me?" if she disagrees with Jeremy's opinion or choices. 

Edited April 3, 2018 by BitterApple

[lascuba]

3 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

I think the whole put Jeremy's books in the closet was a mix of things. Jinger and Jeremy barely knowing each other, Jinger not wanting to be the bad guy, no one knowing Jeremy's "love" of books and Jessa being the usual bossy bitch.

I'm guessing Jessa and Jinger talked about what she might like and Jessa charged in and did what she wanted. I don't think Jinger was meek, but more overwhelmed and still figuring Jeremy out. And as a rule, the Duggars don't seem to involve the men in a 'girly' thing like decorating.

I don't think Jinger is meek or afraid of Jeremy. I think she is more thoughtful and caring of her husband in contrast to Jessa's selfishness. Jessa always seems in a hurry to rule her world with no consideration of others, where Jinger seems to take her time, think of others, figure things out and go from there.

And I hate people like that which is why I just can't see Jinger in a positive light. Woman up. Jessa's not a bitch--she's a girl who grew up among people that would sit on their assess all day so someone had to be the one to get things moving.

To be clear, I'm not saying Jeremy is a tyrant (though with Jinger refusing to say anything meaningful, that hasn't been tested), I'm saying that Jinger is a simpering coward who's so afraid that Jeremy won't like something about her or what she thinks that she doesn't say anything and hides behind when she can get away with it.

[otterrr]

I agree with the poster above—I don’t think Jessa is a bitch, she’s just more assertive and no bullshit—If I lived in a family’s that had no direction and wasnt taught to think for themselves I think I too would be a little like jessa in regards to just telling it like it is without beating around the bush all the time. Being assertive is probably freeing for her. Jingers insecurities run deep so while she’s trying to figure out who she is I try to give her the benefit of the doubt...I could see Jeremy steering her into a certain direction while simultaneously trying to encourage her to be her own person to a certain degree.

[BitterApple]

36 minutes ago, lascuba said:

 Jessa's not a bitch--she's a girl who grew up among people that would sit on their assess all day so someone had to be the one to get things moving.

 

A similar scene played out when the Duggars helped Smuggana moved to DC. The kids were just lolling around, there was no organization and nothing was getting done until Jill finally stepped up and started barking out orders. I remember thinking it was absolutely absurd a teenage girl had to take the reigns while her parents stood there doing nothing. 

[GeeGolly]

Unlike Jinger I do think Jessa is selfish and bitchy. There have been many examples, subtle and not so subtle from her childhood that put her in that category in my book. IMO, she is so much like Josh, JB and Michelle.

There have been examples of Jinger being assertive. Two that I can remember off the top of my head is volunteering at a coffee shop with a quiet and introverted Jessa and during Jessa's engagement flower hunt again with a quiet and introverted Jessa.

To me assertiveness is getting your point across while respecting yourself and who ever you're addressing. It's not barking orders, openly patronizing your husband/sibling, threatening your father in a mean tone, physically/emotionally hurting your siblings and repeatedly annoying your sister.

I really don't think any of the Duggar females are meek including Michelle. The only helpmeet characteristics these females have is birthing babies.

[Natalie68]

On 3/29/2018 at 9:39 PM, Heathen said:

Hell, Walmart is high end compared to the stretched-out, worn-out, faded, probably pilled shit her sisters wear. 

I am thinking she is more of a Ross or Marshall's girl.  

[Heathen]

2 minutes ago, Natalie68 said:

I am thinking she is more of a Ross or Marshall's girl.  

Or Kohl's. 

[Natalie68]

12 minutes ago, Heathen said:

Or Kohl's. 

Exactly!  You can find really cute things at any of these stores.  One of my old bosses has the most fabulous sense of style.  She has a keen sense of what looks good together and I thought she spent a ton of dough (she makes a ton of dough).  Our mutual friend said oh heck no, she buys a few things that are designer but the bulk comes from Ross and the like.  It takes a good eye and talent to put it together correctly.  I would say this is a strength of Jinger's.  

[Jynnan tonnix]

6 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

It seems to me that Jinger and Jeremy are mostly compatible. Mr lookeyloo and I had a house built in a subdivision and we modified it and didn’t fight over anything. We remodeled some of this house (when I say “we” I mean qualified people with licenses) and we didn’t disagree or fight over anything. We both got what we wanted in both houses. We talked a lot and looked at things and it all was fine. We ar generally compatible - I am certainly not meek and he is not a bully.  We do disagree sometimes and over 36 years there has been a fight or two. Or three. But generally we just cruise along. Could it be possible that the Vuolos are similar?

I think that's possible. Mr Jyn and I do not really fight either. Partly it's because I'll admit to having quite a lack of assertiveness while he has a slightly controlling personality (in that he doesn't take well to contradiction). He also tends toward impatience. So while there have certainly been times that I've felt hurt and spent a night crying, or he has got his feathers ruffled when I disagreed with him and gave me the silent treatment for a day or two, we don't actually fight. In 33 years there have been probably less than five actual instances of raised voices. And we know each other well enough at this point that we know that all those other things will just blow over. And his taste & judgement are, for the most part, exceptional, so even if I don't get my own way, most of the time it's not a big deal in the major scheme of things. 

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I think that's possible. Mr Jyn and I do not really fight either. Partly it's because I'll admit to having quite a lack of assertiveness while he has a slightly controlling personality (in that he doesn't take well to contradiction). He also tends toward impatience. So while there have certainly been times that I've felt hurt and spent a night crying, or he has got his feathers ruffled when I disagreed with him and gave me the silent treatment for a day or two, we don't actually fight. In 33 years there have been probably less than five actual instances of raised voices. And we know each other well enough at this point that we know that all those other things will just blow over. And his taste & judgement are, for the most part, exceptional, so even if I don't get my own way, most of the time it's not a big deal in the major scheme of things. 

I think I was trying to say that but you said it better. Sometimes we find a rhythm and it works.  I know we are snarkers and I do love this but sometimes it seems like we don’t  believe a couple can find their rhythm and be mostly happy.  And newlyweds have a learning  curve so to speak. 

[Westiepeach]

2 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I think that's possible. Mr Jyn and I do not really fight either. Partly it's because I'll admit to having quite a lack of assertiveness while he has a slightly controlling personality (in that he doesn't take well to contradiction). He also tends toward impatience. So while there have certainly been times that I've felt hurt and spent a night crying, or he has got his feathers ruffled when I disagreed with him and gave me the silent treatment for a day or two, we don't actually fight. In 33 years there have been probably less than five actual instances of raised voices. And we know each other well enough at this point that we know that all those other things will just blow over. And his taste & judgement are, for the most part, exceptional, so even if I don't get my own way, most of the time it's not a big deal in the major scheme of things. 

Are you me? This is exactly us. We don’t drag out fight. We disagree, sure, but we work everything out because we are a TEAM. I am a graphic designer, and Husband is a mechanic. Yet he has a much better eye for what works design-wise in our home decor. Sure, I have opinions, but I usually defer to him because he is better at it and it looks good. 

I pick my battles. Stay out of my kitchen because I am a MUCH better cook than he is! So he defers to me cooking-wise. 

[SunnyBeBe]

5 hours ago, otterrr said:

I agree with the poster above—I don’t think Jessa is a bitch, she’s just more assertive and no bullshit—If I lived in a family’s that had no direction and wasnt taught to think for themselves I think I too would be a little like jessa in regards to just telling it like it is without beating around the bush all the time. Being assertive is probably freeing for her. Jingers insecurities run deep so while she’s trying to figure out who she is I try to give her the benefit of the doubt...I could see Jeremy steering her into a certain direction while simultaneously trying to encourage her to be her own person to a certain degree.

I agree.  I must be a real witch, because, I tend to speak my mind, when I disagree about something.  I mean, I do have some good ideas that might be helpful to a situation.  Just saying......lol.  I try to envision an entire week of just smiling and agreeing with someone......nope.  Can't do it. lol

[Christina87]

7 hours ago, lascuba said:

And I hate people like that which is why I just can't see Jinger in a positive light. Woman up. Jessa's not a bitch--she's a girl who grew up among people that would sit on their assess all day so someone had to be the one to get things moving.

To be clear, I'm not saying Jeremy is a tyrant (though with Jinger refusing to say anything meaningful, that hasn't been tested), I'm saying that Jinger is a simpering coward who's so afraid that Jeremy won't like something about her or what she thinks that she doesn't say anything and hides behind when she can get away with it.

I agree! I can't stand that personality type either. A lot of people like that expect you to read minds, and are really upset about something but they won't tell you. It also make sure me feel bad when I find out they're afraid to tell me something...like, am I that intimidating? Lol. 

[Heathen]

4 hours ago, Natalie68 said:

Exactly!  You can find really cute things at any of these stores.  One of my old bosses has the most fabulous sense of style.  She has a keen sense of what looks good together and I thought she spent a ton of dough (she makes a ton of dough).  Our mutual friend said oh heck no, she buys a few things that are designer but the bulk comes from Ross and the like.  It takes a good eye and talent to put it together correctly.  I would say this is a strength of Jinger's.  

I think Jana is pretty good at putting outfits together, too. Jill, Jessa, Joy...not so much.