S05.E19: Taking Chances / S05.E20: Walk Away

[JayCutler]

Amber's house must smell abhorrent. Dog shit and piss has got to be caked into the carpet of that place. She rents, doesn't she? Her landlord is going to have to burn that place to the ground after she moves out. 0% she paid a pet deposit either, because I don't think she had any pets before Matt started squatting. And he "only" brought 2 dogs, now they have what, 7 dogs and a cat? What a couple of assholes. It just goes to show what kind of a shitty person Matt is with numerous pets and children, and he has no plan for taking care of any of them. And those lazy fucks haven't even bothered to potty train those puppies, and you know they're too lazy to get out of bed to walk them. Stupid assholes. They don't even have a fenced in yard, why would you have that many dogs!! You can afford to buy a shitty fixer upper somewhere in the Indy ghetto but you cant afford to fix your dogs for $50? GTFO.

[corgster]

Amber's house must smell abhorrent. Dog shit and piss has got to be caked into the carpet of that place. She rents, doesn't she? Her landlord is going to have to burn that place to the ground after she moves out. 0% she paid a pet deposit either, because I don't think she had any pets before Matt started squatting. And he "only" brought 2 dogs, now they have what, 7 dogs and a cat? What a couple of assholes. It just goes to show what kind of a shitty person Matt is with numerous pets and children, and he has no plan for taking care of any of them. And those lazy fucks haven't even bothered to potty train those puppies, and you know they're too lazy to get out of bed to walk them. Stupid assholes. They don't even have a fenced in yard, why would you have that many dogs!! You can afford to buy a shitty fixer upper somewhere in the Indy ghetto but you cant afford to fix your dogs for $50? GTFO.

And I've never seen any of these people walking their dogs. It's insane.

I clearly remember Farrah saying a few seasons ago she wanted her engagement ring to come from a thrift store. Now, she won't even walk into a thrift store. Farrah hating on the rings in the jewelry store was funny only because she made those stink ass faces as if she smelled shit emitting from her own breath.

You're absolutely right. She said that to Daniel and he ran away. Farrah will be broke pretty quickly if she actually spends how she wants us to think.

[salvame]

I seriously hope this is the last we see of Farrah, on ANY screen.  She has absolutely no concept of what class is - certainly not her dropping f-bombs all over the place, while calling the other people "white trash."   First it was crashing a party with train-wreck Deborah, then the debacle with the producer.  Too bad nobody ever told this idiot no from the time she was a toddler.  Mark my words - Sophia is going to be even worse. 

[Reghan]

I seriously hope this is the last we see of Farrah, on ANY screen.  She has absolutely no concept of what class is - certainly not her dropping f-bombs all over the place, while calling the other people "white trash."   First it was crashing a party with train-wreck Deborah, then the debacle with the producer.  Too bad nobody ever told this idiot no from the time she was a toddler.  Mark my words - Sophia is going to be even worse. 

It's not unfortunately...she'll be back next season.

[Christina]

I didn't realize this was 2 hours when I started watching it, and I fear it will never end. My goodness it is taking forever.

 

OMG I AGREE WITH FARRAH!!!! There may be something wrong with me, but she was right! There is no way those people are paid enough to work with her. 

Edited February 23, 2016 by Christina

[Spencer Hastings]

My favorite line was probably "We were here when you were in a cheerleader uniform!" That's a long time to put up with Farrah, dude. Let her go. Where are the girls from that season who weren't featured on Teen Mom? Go get one of them, it'll probably be cheaper.

These people are all infuriating. At this point I'm just tuning in to see Ryan chop wood.

[happykitteh]

Farrah: I about died laughing at the opening scene where Sophia was up close to the camera with the fake wax lips. She looked just like her mama and you just know the producers were thinking the same and left that in for that very reason! Such a classy one that Farrah. She liked the ring until she finds out it's "only" $17K, then suddenly it looks cheap and is a piece of crap and she demands to see the $60K rings. Does she actually believe the audience believes Simon can afford - or would buy even if he could - a $60K ring?? If he had that kind of dough he wouldn't be whoring himself on this show pretending to be her boyfriend. I'm not buying that Farrah is purchasing a $2 MIL house either. Once again she's being a poseur. She'll end up in a rental. And why the hell would she need an elevator? To haul he ever growing fat ass and overinflated boobs upstairs when she can no longer move them of her own accord? I could not believe how ridiculous Farrah looked in the shorts and tank top. Then again at the end of the ep in that skin tight dress. Her boobs are waaaay too big and that ass? OMG!!  So sad to see what she's done to her face and body. She used to have a cute little figure. Now she looks overweight due to the implant stuffed ass and fake boobs. Before all the plastic surgery the only things she needed were braces and a nose job. She would have been a very attractive girl had she stopped there. I continue to loathe Sophia more and more. When she was in the car blathering in that hideous voice about wanting Simon to marry her mom and have babies I was wishing I could reach into the TV and slap her face so hard the rest of her teeth would fall out. And when she smart-mouthed Debra and hit her? Lord help me, and as a mother myself I should know better, but I swear if I was ever near that little bitch I would end up in jail because I would take a belt to her and beat her the way Farrah claims her parents did to her, welts and bruises and all. Farrah has a lot of nerve calling others white trash when she's pretty much the definition of that herself.

 

Cait &Tyler: No sympathy for Butch here. Not being able to participate in family events is the price you pay when you give your wife a beat-down and go to jail for it. He says it's not fair that he went to jail and missed out on his kids/grandkids birthdays in the past but HE CHOSE to do drugs knowing the consequences if caught. I though it was bullshit that Cait & Ty kissed his ass and had a second cake. I noticed Dawn the adoption lady was at the party holding Nova. I'm surprised she didn't run off with her and sell her to the highest bidder, lol. Tyler telling Cait he missed it being just the two of them at times because now even when they're alone all they do is talk about the baby. Ummm, that's all you've EVER done - except the baby you talked about was Carly. For the love of God Cait, get a real therapist!!! I didn't see Dr.,PhD, MSW, Licensed Therapist, or anything qualifying this woman under the woman's name. The woman doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. Tyler pissed me off with his, "Just get out of bed, get dressed, brush your teeth and move on with the day" crap. A close friend suffered postpartum and it's not that simplistic. You'd think he would have done some research on this. If he had he wouldn't be such an ignorant twit on the subject.

 

Amber: How nice of Matt to buy you a new engagement ring with your money! To me they looked almost identical. Dumbass should have known he could have taken the old ring in and at least gotten a credit to use for the upgrade.

 

Maci: Don't think she'll be able to use the "I was just holding beers on camera and in photos to throw people off" excuse now that we've seen her sucking down that beer at the restaurant when it was overflowing the bottle. Taylor is a lazy ass. I though it was weird how Ryan doesn't look Maci in the eye when they talk. He just stares into space while conversing. He did seem very pleased that Maci said she was proud of him. Hope he keeps it up for Bentley's sake. I LOVED the scene where Bentley was cracking up with laughter at Maci with the nasal spray. That kid is an absolute doll and a sweetheart.

 

ETA: That house Amber and Matt flipped still looked like a piece of shit. The realtor gushing over the kitchen, then the camera pan across the kitchen and it was hideous! Green countertops in a remodeled kitchen? Are the 90's back?

Edited February 23, 2016 by happykitteh

[Katt]

I would give kudos to Amber for "flipping" that house had it looked better and if we'd actually seen her do any work on camera. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the first time she'd been there since the original viewing. 

[Brooklynista]

I would give kudos to Amber for "flipping" that house had it looked better and if we'd actually seen her do any work on camera. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the first time she'd been there since the original viewing.

Favorite part of that scene was Matt talking about how much money "they" put into the flip. Really Matt? With what money? I guess that check he was waiting for finally came in. Will any of the profits from the flip go to any of his bajillion kids?

And then the other moocher Taylor moaning about how HE bought a business. With what money? And Maci's name isn't on anything? What a dumb bunny. Well played Taylor. No way this guy signs a pre-nup if Maci ever gets him down the aisle at all. Taylor has clearly put pen to paper and calculated what he can get out of Maci.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Brooklynista

[Samwil]

For all the crap Kyle took being on the show, being called slow etc, look who turned out to be the smartest of the bunch!!  

[CofCinci]

Tyler is a shit partner and even shittier father.

[Brooklynista]

Tyler is a shit partner and even shittier father.

This right here is the real source of Catelynn's depression.

That and people keep coming in to make copies while she's in the middle of her therapy sessions.

[ghoulina]

I really need to know about this house flipping business? Who exactly is doing the work? I just do not understand how they got that house done in one month and with only $15k. Something does not add up. 

 

I thought Gary and Kristina were being very accommodating this episode. I don't always like Gary, but I think he is trying hard to allow Leah to have a good relationship with her mom. He is being very mature about everything, and Amber needs to stop automatically assuming the worst. He let you take the kid to Florida, now you're bitching about the wording of the custody agreement! She will really never be happy. And she acts like she is doing Gary a favor by paying child support, so he should throw her a bone. Bitch, please! You should have been paying him this entire time!!! I can see why she and Matt are a good match. 

 

I like how when they found out Leah could go with them, Matt said - "The whole family will be together for Christmas". Oh, really? All of your 10 abandoned kids will be there as well? Splendid!

 

Also loved how Gary married Kristina on the fly and was all, "I knew I was going to marry Kristina". Ha, no. We have it on tape. Last season you were VERY non-committal. 

 

 

 

I really really hate how Tyler treats Catelynn. He acts all put off about her PPD. Look, I get that loved ones can get resentful when their partner/family member has a mental illness that puts a lot of the burden on them. But Tyler has fuck all to do all day except shellac his hair and preen all over Instagram. So it's not like Catelynn being unable to get out of bed is cutting into his busy schedule. He just doesn't want to watch his own damn kid. 

 

I do feel badly for Catelynn, because even after all this time I don't know that she has a great support system. Tyler wants to be the only one with a therapist and issues and make it all about "me, me, me". And while April may watch Nova all the time, I don't know if she's a shoulder you can lean on. I'd love to see Catelynn in some intense therapy with a professional who treats her, and only her, and will be frank, but supportive with her. 

 

So what's up with this no-contact order? Did April file that? Or was it a condition of Butch's parole upon release? Because they were both at the wedding! I'm confused. Frankly, I think it's stupid. But I have been known to be a bit liberal with how I think ex-cons should be treated. Let's make it easier for them to adjust back into life. A million hurdles only increase the chances that they will slip back into old habits. Anyhow, I am glad to see Butch is owning that this is all his fault and willing to accept the consequences. But did Catelynn really bake both of those cakes??? She said she was going into the kitchen to make Nova's cakes, but both of the ones I saw looked store bought. And who's house was the party thrown at? Someone who is a tightwad about the heating bill, that's who. Everyone had their damn coats on! 

 

I love that Nova will be able to look back and be grateful that grandpa was on parole and couldn't be around grandma because he used to be the shit out of her....that means two cakes for you, Nova!!!

 

 

 

Maci is like the queen of whining. I can't take it anymore. Mostly because everything she whines about is a product of her own poor choices. Overwhelmed with two kids? Use birth control! Overwhelmed with new business? Dump those ugly pocket shirts in the trash! (Ain't nobody buying them anyway.) Disappointed that your second baby daddy still hasn't put a ring on it? Quit making ultimatums that you never hold people to! 

 

Her kitchen is depressing. It seems so small and impersonal and just sad. I didn't like the way she handled the situation with Bentley. Yes, he was a little fresh, but you could tell he was trying to calm down. Does she not remember being a kid? Sometimes when you get the giggles it can be really hard. I didn't like her sending him away while he was still eating. And ya know, maybe she SHOULD pick up her damn shoes. Ever heard of practice what you preach???

 

I loved Larry calling Ryan out on what he's going at 11 pm at night. No, he's not just "driving around". I can guarantee you that. And I KNEW he was still seeing Shelby on the downlow. So she lives somewhere else now? I bet that's why he was late for Halloween, He wasn't even in town! Priorities, Ryan. It's weird how secretive he's being, though. I don't recall anyone greatly disliking her, so I don't know what that's about. 

 

It was nice of Ryan to take Bentley to basketball practice, but I'm sure the other parents won't appreciate hearing their kids referred to as, "the thick kid" and "the really uncoordinated kid" on national TV. Also,  he checks to see if Bentley has homework - "Thirty minutes of reading. You can do that at your mama's". Way to parent there, Ryan. Sorry, being more text available has not yet convinced he that he's going to finally step it up as a dad. 

 

 

 

Farrah has given me 5 headaches. I just can't with her. She is a psychopath. She has zero insight into how normal humans feel and react. No empathy, no sympathy, nothing. She keeps getting pissy when Michael says he'll miss the girls when they move. What's so wrong with that? He's not saying you shouldn't go, he is just going to miss you! But that does not compute with her. And the way she keeps pinching Simon's cheek! It's like she never had a boyfriend before. He's not your grandson, Farrah. Quit doing that. 

 

Ring shopping was just gross. All she cared about was the price. She wants to be able to tell a magazine that her ring was "x" amount of dollars, and it better sound expensive! I just want to throw up on her. 

 

I finally agreed with Sophia about one thing - Deb WAS rude to that poor real estate lady!!! "Farrah can not reside in old houses". What, are they used? Is that not cleansy enough for her? The entitlement with these people, it drives me mad. I am not a huge fan of MTV, but Farrah would be nothing without them and how dare she call ANYONE white trash! She is the trashiest woman on this show, and it's not because she made a porno. It's because she treats everyone like dirt, and sometimes the Countess is right. Money can't buy you class. 

[Katt]

Watching Tyler makes me appreciate my husband even more. Catelynn said, about her depression, something like, "And I don't know how to tell Tyler..." I have NO problems talking to my husband about anything because he isn't a narcissistic douche-canoe who only thinks of how other people's problems will interfere with HIS happiness! 

[scrappyrunner75]

Did Farrah really go house hunting in booty shorts and a fugly tank top? And why is sophia such a little brat she disgusts me

And her bra was hanging out of the stupid top. I'm assuming she needs to have a big bra for those big ol things but then get a shirt that freaking fits right. Maybe she borrowed one of Sophia's shirts. Farrah tries to act like she is so fancy and classy, does she not ever watch herself though? Listen to herself. Look at herself in the mirror. Her and Sophia are scary and it is all her fault. I know she likes to pretend like it's her choice she has no friends but we all know the truth. Even MTV gave up trying to force people to be her friend. I wonder where they found Simon at, and how much they paid him?

Keeping chugging that beer Maci because you are at least 15 weeks pregnant there

When she announced her pregnancy she said it wasn't planned and it was a suprise and all that. But if she supposedly didn't find out until January she would have already been 5 months. She was just way to big to not have known long before that, that she was pregnant. Just so weird. I'm assuming she was trying to cover up the drinking that she was doing during the show. Does anyone else think she was a better mom at 16/17 than she is now? 

 

I feel so bad for Catelynn. She just really wants someone to just love her. I so  badly want that person to be Tyler, but I doubt it will be. I almost think they would have also been better parents at 16/17 than they are now. Tyler was always rather conceited and arrogant but now he's just over the top. 

[Tatum]

If Ryan ever gets his shit together Maci is gonna be pissed she had two kids with Taylor. She always looks ready to pounce on Ryan is he gave her half an inkling she could get some D.

 

She should already be pissed, even if Ryan never does get his shit together. For all her bitching that Ryan is a lazy, mooching, unemployed, disrespectful absentee father...exactly HOW is Taylor an upgrade? Let's see, unemployed, check. Mooching, check (and off a single mother, no less!). Disrespectful, check (true, he may not be as openly disdainful towards Maci as Ryan was/is, but telling the cameras that you'll only marry your girlfriend if it gets you another season on a reality show and she uses her money to support your lazy entitled ass is not really much better). Absentee father? Well absentee may be harsh, but he doesn't appear to really be that involved, and he's the one who wants to outsource childcare when HE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB. Maci's check into cash job may be bullshit but at least she's doing something productive for some part of the day. And she got this reality gig by being a trainwreck all on her own, not hitching her wagon to someone else's trainwreck.

 

Kyle King may have been less attractive than Ryan and a non bearded Taylor, but he had a job, an education, and knew how to use birth control. As a note- I can't picture Kyle anymore. When I try and picture him, I can only picture Landry from Friday Night Lights (or more recently the meth apprentice on Breaking Bad and the Butcher from Laverne on Fargo, although that was after 50 pounds and some red hair dye were added).

[ghoulina]

No sympathy for Butch here. Not being able to participate in family events is the price you pay when you give your wife a beat-down and go to jail for it. He says it's not fair that he went to jail and missed out on his kids/grandkids birthdays in the past but HE CHOSE to do drugs knowing the consequences if caught.

 

Not to defend Butch, but I don't think he's the most articulate guy on the planet. I didn't think he meant that he was some victim and life had been unfair to him. I actually thought he was owning his decisions a lot in this episode. But I took the "no fair" comment to mean that it wasn't fair to other people that HE had fucked up. He made it not fair for himself, and now he's paying. I think that's what he was trying to say. I think Butch was frustrated with the situation, but understood that it was his own poor decisions that got him there. 

[toodywoody]

Ghoulina, shellac his hair is the best thing ever. Kudos for making me spit out my drink.

[scrappyrunner75]

My favorite line was probably "We were here when you were in a cheerleader uniform!" That's a long time to put up with Farrah, dude. Let her go. Where are the girls from that season who weren't featured on Teen Mom? Go get one of them, it'll probably be cheaper.

These people are all infuriating. At this point I'm just tuning in to see Ryan chop wood.

Yes!!! Pretty much sums it up perfectly!

 

For all the crap Kyle took being on the show, being called slow etc, look who turned out to be the smartest of the bunch!!  

LOL!!!!! 

Edited February 23, 2016 by scrappyrunner75

[Marisagf]

Farrah: I about died laughing at the opening scene where Sophia was up close to the camera with the fake wax lips. She looked just like her mama and you just know the producers were thinking the same and left that in for that very reason! Such a classy one that Farrah. She liked the ring until she finds out it's "only" $17K, then suddenly it looks cheap and is a piece of crap and she demands to see the $60K rings. Does she actually believe the audience believes Simon can afford - or would buy even if he could - a $60K ring?? If he had that kind of dough he wouldn't be whoring himself on this show pretending to be her boyfriend. I'm not buying that Farrah is purchasing a $2 MIL house either. Once again she's being a poseur. She'll end up in a rental. And why the hell would she need an elevator? To haul he ever growing fat ass and overinflated boobs upstairs when she can no longer move them of her own accord? I could not believe how ridiculous Farrah looked in the shorts and tank top. Then again at the end of the ep in that skin tight dress. Her boobs are waaaay too big and that ass? OMG!!  So sad to see what she's done to her face and body. She used to have a cute little figure. Now she looks overweight due to the implant stuffed ass and fake boobs. Before all the plastic surgery the only things she needed were braces and a nose job. She would have been a very attractive girl had she stopped there. I continue to loathe Sophia more and more. When she was in the car blathering in that hideous voice about wanting Simon to marry her mom and have babies I was wishing I could reach into the TV and slap her face so hard the rest of her teeth would fall out. And when she smart-mouthed Debra and hit her? Lord help me, and as a mother myself I should know better, but I swear if I was ever near that little bitch I would end up in jail because I would take a belt to her and beat her the way Farrah claims her parents did to her, welts and bruises and all. Farrah has a lot of nerve calling others white trash when she's pretty much the definition of that herself.

 

WORD!  I love how Farrah equates expensive with good.  That $2 mil. house could have major problems, but she won't see that. Not like she is really buying it anyway.  The 60k ring is too small?  What if the stone is flawless?  What if that 10 karat diamond you think would be better is the lowest quality?  Just because it's big and pricey it's better?  She should just buy the biggest CZ stone she can afford and call it a day.  Sometimes I think those huge rings do not look good on the hand.  That's just me!

 

And the way they were talking about that house, it seemed soooooooooo fake!  She's not that great an actress.  It was like two kids playing make believe.  You could tell it wasn't ever going to happen.

 

When I saw the photos of Farrah modelling bikinis I used to think that she had a killer body.  The implants have really distorted her shape.  Why would you want a butt that big?  

 

Whatever Debra's point was with the real estate agent, Sophia was out of line.  While she was yelling and slapping her grandmother, Farrah stared straight ahead and did NOTHING!  No reaction, at all!  (I did notice the driver stifling a smile. BTW, no car and driver for Simon while he was in town?  Oh.. then Farrah wouldn't be able to pinch his face and narrowly avoid car accidents at every corner!)  At least with Maci, we saw one of these parents discipline their kid.  Usually, we don't see that.

 

ETA: That house Amber and Matt flipped still looked like a piece of shit. The realtor gushing over the kitchen, then the camera pan across the kitchen and it was hideous! Green countertops in a remodeled kitchen? Are the 90's back?

 

The kitchen was poorly designed from the layout to the finishes.  I think what they did was minimal and largely cosmetic - paint and repair walls, sand floors, maybe some cheap new appliances, etc.  It didn't look that great.  Then again, they bought it for $25K, put in $15K and listed it for $69K.  We're not talking about a hot market here!

Edited February 23, 2016 by Marisagf

[Pepper Mostly]

WORD!  I love how Farrah equates expensive with good.  That $2 mil. house could have major problems, but she won't see that. Not like she is really buying it anyway.  The 60k ring is too small?  What if the stone is flawless?  What if that 10 karat diamond you think would be better is the lowest quality?  Just because it's big and pricey it's better?  She should just buy the biggest CZ stone she can afford and call it a day.  Sometimes I think those huge rings do not look good on the hand.  That's just me!

 

And the way they were talking about that house, it seemed soooooooooo fake!  She's not that great an actress.  It was like two kids playing make believe.  You could tell it wasn't ever going to happen.

 

When I saw the photos of Farrah modelling bikinis I used to think that she had a killer body.  The implants have really distorted her shape.  Why would you want a butt that big?  

 

Whatever Debra's point was with the real estate agent, Sophia was out of line.  While she was yelling and slapping her grandmother, Farrah stared straight ahead and did NOTHING!  No reaction, at all!  (I did notice the driver stifling a smile. BTW, no car and driver for Simon while he was in town?  Oh.. then Farrah wouldn't be able to pinch his face and narrowly avoid car accidents at every corner!)  At least with Maci, we saw one of these parents discipline their kid.  Usually, we don't see that.

 

Farrah in the jeweler's was gold! She is so tacky and trashy--I'd swear it was a put on if I didn't know better. She's so crass and vulgar. The house hunting scenes were a scream. "there's no view" (Cut to panoramic view). Debra's high handed treatment of the real estate agent was just par for the course. She thinks she's Kris Jenner and Farrah is Kim Kardashian (way to aspire there, Debra. Dream large. Large ass, I mean). For all her faults I don't think Kris would be so shitty.

 

And from the wonderful scenes in the jeweler and "house hunting", we get to see Farrah mauling Simon in the car. He could barely contain his rage. Dude must be really hard up.

[CofCinci]

Farrah in the jeweler's was gold! She is so tacky and trashy--I'd swear it was a put on if I didn't know better. She's so crass and vulgar. The house hunting scenes were a scream. "there's no view" (Cut to panoramic view). Debra's high handed treatment of the real estate agent was just par for the course. She thinks she's Kris Jenner and Farrah is Kim Kardashian (way to aspire there, Debra. Dream large. Large ass, I mean). For all her faults I don't think Kris would be so shitty.

And from the wonderful scenes in the jeweler and "house hunting", we get to see Farrah mauling Simon in the car. He could barely contain his rage. Dude must be really hard up.

With this episode, I firmly believe that Farrah and her mother are "acting". Girl does not want to go back to waiting tables at Buffalo Wild Wings and realizes that her shitty behavior can pay the bills. Unfortunately, Sophia is a child and most likely has no idea when to "act" and when to "not act." Farrah has created an oncamera alternate persona of a totally unstable monster diva --- and is molding her daughter to be the same character on and off camera. Are fake tits and ass, $2M houses, rubber vaginas and transport by hired car worth turning your child into a completely horrible human being?

[ginger90]

Why is the real estate agent still involved with Amber and Matt? Is she showing their "flips" and getting commission? They aren't going to make much money.

[Primetimer]

Elsewhere, Catelynn has depression, Farrah has it out with a producer, and Amber has to pay child support.

Read the story

[CofCinci]

Why is the real estate agent still involved with Amber and Matt? Is she showing their "flips" and getting commission? They aren't going to make much money.

Matt's "ex-boss" is also involved in the flipping.

Everyone will make money but Amber.

[TexasGal]

April is looking really rough again. That bright pink hoodie was not doing her any favors. Taylor's beard looks AWFUL!!!! So dry and gross. Farrah needs to stop trying to convince us that Simon can stand to be around her. Her giant ass makes her walk like she has a full diaper. That's about all I've gotten out of these episodes since I've been fading in and out of consciousness. zzzzzzz all around.

 

Edit: One more thing. I can't stop thinking about how bad Amber's house must smell with all those damn dogs in it. I love dogs, but they smell. I know nobody is cleaning that house as that would require getting off the couch. Dog shit, hair, and drool must be everywhere.

What is the grooming regimen for a hipster beard anyway? Are you supposed to shampoo and condition that beast or what? I'm surprised some shampoo company hasn't figure out how to put their existing product in a smaller bottle, market it to the hipster masses and mark up the price.

I fell asleep during the first episode and woke up at the start of the second, so I missed the ring shopping. Will brave myself with some alcohol for the rewatch.

Farrah is so gross. I wish the crew would have just left after the first argument at her house because she loves the attention. Best punishment for her is to ignore her.

[Emmierose]

I could barely stay awake during these two episodes but came away with a few thoughts:

 

Way to shove Nova's face into that cake there Butch.  I guess since your no contact order prevents you from being around April and shoving her head into something, you shoved the one year old's face into her cake.  Five bucks says iCarly didn't get her little face shoved into her first birthday cake.  Dude is messed up and I hate the way he tosses that baby around and constantly mauls her.  She's a baby Butch, not a snack, get your damn mouth off of her.  I'm sure his face smells like grease and ciggies.  Poor Nova.

 

Second thought, Tyler can have several seats.  How about you leave poor Cate alone about her anxiety for 5 minutes there Skippy?  How 'bout that? Is there really nothing else you could be doing other than stalking and harping on that poor bundle of nerves that you married?  And of course the one scene where Catelynn seems content and productive and is calmly and happily working on her photo album, here comes Tyler...prancing in, and within 3 minutes the poor girl is in tears and chewing her hand off.  I'm no Ph.D. nor do I have a fancy office in the copy room, but I'm thinking that Tyler is the source of Catelynn's anxiety.  Deep down she knows he sucks and her future with Mr. Potato Head Hair is bleak.

 

Farrah's ass is comical.  Her face is comical.  She's comical.  Simon clearly winces every time she comes near him or touches him.  Sophia is the devil's spawn and Deborah is unhinged. UN. HINGED.  I actually feel a little scared when she's on the screen.

 

Lastly, usually I like Amber.  She's really come a long way since her addiction days and I feel bad for her that she's being taken for a big time ride by Matt. However that scene with her yelling at the producer (the one who calls her Ambie) was disgusting.  She doesn't want to talk about Gary, custody, or Matt every time the cameras are there?  What should they talk to you about?  Your job?  Oh wait... All of your friends?  Oh wait...  How far along you are in your college classes?  Oh wait... What exactly do you think you get that big check for Ambie?  And Gary and Kristina really should have a seat with all of their condescending talk about custody.  Just no because we all know Kristina does not have custody of her older daughter because she chose Gary and the show over her own child.  They can both have a seat next to Tyler in the therapist's copy room.  And for the life of me, what is UP with Amber's mother's voice?  Like nails on a chalk board.

 

That is all...

[Evie]

Amber has been out of prison how long and doesn't pay child support? Then has the nerve to complain about having to pay to see her child? She and Matt deserve each other. The way Amber was talking after she and Gary came to an agreement confirmed what I've thought all along. She doesn't really want shared custody. She just wants to be able to take Leah when she feels like playing mom.

Also, Amber sucks for telling Leah about Florida without talking to Gary and then apparently having Leah be the one to ask Gary if she could go.

Maci is so pathetic. I had second-hand embarrassment when she told her friend that she told Taylor to either put her name on the company or marry her.

Tyler's a douche.

[Ljohnson1987]

Maci: All she does is bitch, bitch, bitch. And I’m sure her stress will just melt away once baby number three pops out.  Maci is just annoying. I’m glad that Ryan is stepping up as a father. It’s only taken him long enough.

 

Amber: What the Hell does she see in Matt, and vice versa? I don’t get their relationship at all.  Also, my heart broke when Kristina said that Leah feels in the middle of the stuff between Amber and Gary. No child should ever be put in the middle of their parents bullshit. That’s not fair to Leah.  I’m glad that Gary let Amber take Leah to Florida, although I have no idea why Amber got so excited about it, before she even knew if Gary was going to allow her to go. Also, are all of Matt’s kids and grandkids included in that family he was talking about? Doubt it.

Catelynn: I’m so glad that Catelynn is finally getting help for her anxiety issues.  Nova is adorable. 

 

Farrah: I hope Farrah got fired for that stunt, because she’s pretty much useless on the show anyway. I bet the show  that she wanted to do was Family Therapy with Dr. Jenn. Briana from TM3, and her sister and Mom will be on it.  Good luck trying to get Simon to marry you. If he has half a brain, he’ll run.

 

Can’t wait for the reunion.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Ljohnson1987

[Pepper Mostly]

Emmierose, can I sit next to you? (I make awesome Bloody Marys, or if you don't drink, I also bake!) Your entire post was genius.

[Pepper Mostly]

With this episode, I firmly believe that Farrah and her mother are "acting". Girl does not want to go back to waiting tables at Buffalo Wild Wings and realizes that her shitty behavior can pay the bills. Unfortunately, Sophia is a child and most likely has no idea when to "act" and when to "not act." Farrah has created an oncamera alternate persona of a totally unstable monster diva --- and is molding her daughter to be the same character on and off camera. Are fake tits and ass, $2M houses, rubber vaginas and transport by hired car worth turning your child into a completely horrible human being?

Farrah thinks she's wonderful. The biggest asshole in the world thinks he's a nice guy. She thinks her feral monster of a child is ADORABLE, and that she is an awesome mother.  She and her batshit insane mother may be amping it up for the cameras, but underneath it all she thinks she is a catch-sexy, classy, intelligent, the works! Farrah is delusional, but Debra is just actually certifiable.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Pepper Mostly

[Ljohnson1987]

Farrah and Deb need therapy off of TV.

[GreatKazu]

This right here is the real source of Catelynn's depression.

That and people keep coming in to make copies while she's in the middle of her therapy sessions.

WTH was that all about? Getting therapy at Kinko's?

Catelynn said two episodes ago that she was worried about what would happen now that they married. Catelynn is making herself sick because clearly being married does nothing to assure her she is in a stable relationship. She is right. Tyler is a major dick to her. There is nothing stable about these two. She is expecting him to make her feel better while Tyler cannot bother to deal with Catelynn and Nova.

Tyler needs to concentrate on his job rather than constantly remind Catelynn what she is not doing. Wait. What is Tyler's job? Being a prissy, lazy, no good fuckhead who likely smokes a few blunts every night to cope with his "stress".

Did anyone else notice Amber, Gary, and Catelynn all have the same couch? Check it out. Amber has the faux suede style while Catelynn and Gary have the faux leather style. Gary's couch had some tears on it.

It was so obvious Maci was wearing big shirts to cover up her pregnancy. She tried to pull off what actresses do on TV shows when they try to hide a pregnancy. Maci was just not successful. And, she was also drinking? That belly was protruding in the drinking scenes.

Maci should name her son Bud or Miller.

Edited February 23, 2016 by GreatKazu

[Ljohnson1987]

Maci should do a PSA about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

[chuckity]

I'll say this ... Farrah makes for fascinating television.

 

I feel like we're always on the edge of our seats waiting for something to explode.  Farrah.  Her relationship with the crew.  Simon's cheek.  Farrah's ass.

[admiralrodcocker]

I cannot believe that Tyler has fans. Dude is a grade-A asshole. All he cared about was how Catelynn's depression was affecting HIM. He was actually angry because she just wouldn't get up, brush her teeth, and go on with life. That's not how it works, douche-canoe. You're only mad because if Catelynn spends time in bed, you might actually be confronted with having to glance in Nova's general direction and do something about her crying. This is also the same guy who didn't notice that his daughter was missing several nights out of the week, so I'm not sure why I'm surprised. I agree with the general consensus that while Cate is also a lazy sloth, she's still far better than Tyler and deserves better. Maybe a partner with some sensitivity and empathy would inspire some motivation in her. Tyler is apart of her abusive past and being with him helps to keep her stuck. There's no room for growth in this relationship.

 

Maci is so clearly pregnant in some of the scenes. No way did she not know she was pregnant by that point, or at least suspect. Come on. No period, unprotected sex, and sudden weight gain didn't make it click that she might need to pee on a stick just to check? Maci has always been a good mother to me, but knowingly drinking heavily while pregnant (I believe she knew) drops her so far down on the list for me.

 

Sophia at least showed some signs for hope that she might not grow up to be a complete sociopath, as she cared about the feelings of the realtor when Debra was being a complete bitch to her. No comment on Farrah's nasty tits and ass. 

 

Amber should not be allowed to have pets. I truly believe that poor cat was actually trying to run away and was pissed when it was found.

Edited February 23, 2016 by admiralrodcocker

[CofCinci]

Maci should do a PSA about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Right after her next round of beer pong. Maybe Taylor can bring the table into the hospital's labor and delivery suite.

[MerryMary]

Caitlyn needs a meds adjustment.  Does she have a legit psych doc?  She's so deep in the hole, no amount of talk therapy alone is going to help.  I don't know why she's depressed, but I suspect giving birth reminded her a lot of the trauma she went through the first time.  Perhaps April is an addict because she too suffers from depression and tried to self-medicate.  I think if Catelynn was in a positive, productive environment, she'd really thrive.  When she feels a little better, I'd recommend her getting a job (preferably around older, supportive women) just to get out of the house and give her a sense of accomplishment.  

 

Amber's flip was hilarious.  Oh, we're done!  Somebody else must have done the work or the cameras and her twitter account would have been there.  Matt looks so unhygienic to me, I don't know how she is attracted to him.  She could barely act excited when Gary said she could take Leah to Florida.  I wonder if her brother in Florida read her the riot act about Matt?  He's always seemed to be a voice of reason in the past.  

 

Yeah Maci, put your name on Tyler's business so you can assume half of the debt he incurs trying to be a mogul.  If I were her, I wouldn't lift a finger to click a mouse.  On the other hand, I wonder if it was a fake story line to feature the biz on tv.  The whole Ryan story line seemed to be acted out too.

 

Farrah is just the gift that keeps on giving.  She's going to have back problems in about five minutes from all of the stress caused by her oversized ass/boob implants.  Did she ever move to LA?  Simon is just not that into her, as we can all see.

 

I'm giving everyone an F on the home-economics front.  I bet all of these houses stink to high heaven.  Blotting up dog pee on linoleum with paper towels?  Where is the extra-strength Pine Sol? Lysol?  Spic-n-Span?  Ugh.  The constant restaurant/take-out eating also annoys me.  Lord knows, these people have the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals.

[FanOfTheFans]

Good Lord. You people are killing it with your comments. Maybe one of you could take over Caitlyn's therapy. She would be better off. Did Cait say the party was at her dad's house? He has always seemed like a normal guy. I wonder why he didn't step in to take her during April's meth years??

I have a hard time watching Amber and Matt. I admit I have to fast forward through most of it. Can't stand the BS they spew. They are both so so bitter. Not a good look. Gary and Kristina's baby is adorable.

I don't believe for a nano second that Maci was not aware of her pregnancy. If you have to drink while pregnant, you have a problem. Get some help. I love Bentley and wanted to scoop him up last night during the discipline scene. If Maci thinks his behavior is bad, wait till the teen years. There is no comparison. I understand wanting to instill some respect but that scene felt more like she just lost her crap. Not effective.

Farrah is beyond ridiculous. For the love of God, quit talking to Sophia in a baby voice. The kid doesn't know how to talk like a normal kid. It is really interesting to me how Sophia mirrors Farrah's behavior towards Grandma. I think Sophia is so intent on pleasing Farrah that she treats Deb that way for her approval. It makes me wonder how much time Farrah actually spend with her. I've seen that type of idolizing from kids towards absent parents.

Farrah has ruined her looks. The ass is so ugly. She so bad wants to be Kim K. She needs to take a look at Kim recently. Granted she is trying to lose baby weight but her ass has grown substantially. If it is a natural one it looks normal but these fake ones are just so bizarre looking. IMO.

Edited February 23, 2016 by FanOfTheFans

[ghoulina]

Ghoulina, shellac his hair is the best thing ever. Kudos for making me spit out my drink.

 

Ha! Thank you. But, seriously, it looks unmoveable. I wonder how long it takes him to style. How much hair spray does it require? More or less than JB Duggar?

 

I'm no Ph.D. nor do I have a fancy office in the copy room, but I'm thinking that Tyler is the source of Catelynn's anxiety.  Deep down she knows he sucks and her future with Mr. Potato Head Hair is bleak.

 

I'm currently in my kitchen, and there's a copier on our computer desk. Does that qualify me? Hee!

 

Anyhow, I do think Tyler is the source of her anxiety, but I don't know that she really knows that he sucks. In fact, I think she thinks Tyler is awesomesauce and too good for her, and THAT'S the source of her anxiety. She is constantly worried he's going to cheat or leave her, and he does nothing to discourage these thoughts. That boy is all over social media acting like a wanna-be model and you know he just relishes all the comments from young girls about how amazing he is. He probably spends more time on social media than he does with either Cate or Nova, and then he criticizes everything she does. He sucks. And, unfortunately, I think she is too down on herself to realize that.

. I think Sophia is so intent on pleasing Farrah that she treats Deb that way for her approval. It makes me wonder how much time Farrah actually spend with her. I've seen that type of idolizing from kids towards absent parents.

 

I truly don't believe Farrah spends much time with her outside of filming. And even then, she's jaunting off to England for a month. NO, I think Michael has done the bulk of raising that child, with crazy Deb babysitting as well. 

[politichick]

I would give a lot to hear some juicy deets about Sophia's interactions at school. She cracked me up when she was chastizing Debra for hurting the real estate agent's feelings. And why does she say looked-ed? Poor thing. If by some miracle she does turn out normal, she's going to be mortified when she looks at these episodes.

I didn't mind Maci disciplining Bentley and contrary to what one poster wrote, I don't think he'll be teased for that. Who hasn't heard the old "do as I say, not as I do" routine?

Amber is a fool. Gary may weigh 600 pounds, which is unfortunate, and is the opposite of a fox, but he does make some very pretty children!

[MelineB13]

Ryan has never been sexier. That is all. 

[DCC]

I think Maci was more mad at Bentley laughing at her than what he said. That was weird to see her snap like that, but I guess she can't get the angel edit all the time.

Did y'all see the seller's face when Farrah walked in her house wearing next to nothing. She looked like "is this the trash I'm selling my house to?!" And when Sophia slapped her grandma, I wanted to beat the hell out of her. Better yet, why is Debra so afraid to discipline the little monster?

[BRAVOADDICT]

I wanted to jump through the screen and shake Tyler during this episode multiple times. Cate is your wife scum bag!!! Try helping her instead of always criticizing her. Maybe take her to a real doctor or therapist that does not work at kinko's. A real man sees his wife is having a hard time and does what he can to get her help. Even just offering to stay home with YOUR OWN child so she can go out for coffee with her friends can help. When I had a severe case of post partum depression my husband called the doctor himself and got me the help I needed. He offered numerous times to stay home with our son so I could go out for an hour or two with my friends. Or just to stay with our son so I could take a hot shower or bath. He really needs to grow up, start being a father to Nova, and stop running to mommy for everything. Also Kim can take a few hundred seats with always babying her son.

[kitkat343]

I was really angry at Maci when she told Ryan that his parents, "need to have more respect for us as parents."  Bentley's grandparents have been extremely supportive and helped take care of that adorable child all of the times that Ryan has disappeared - including on Halloween.  They'd probably have a lot more respect for Maci as a mother if she didn't show up on their doorstep with a  baby who isn't related to them, hinting that she doesn't want to bring the baby to a wedding.  I was glad to see Ryan stand up for his parents, since they along with Chelsea's dad Randy may be the most stable and loving influence in any of the children's lives.

[ghoulina]

I think Maci was more mad at Bentley laughing at her than what he said.

 

I agree. But I don't think he meant to. Taylor laughed when he mentioned HER shoes, and the fact that the adult thought it was funny probably made him really proud. And then he got all giggly. You could tell he was TRYING to calm down, by the way he was pinching his mouth. I felt like he was really trying and she cut him zero slack. 

 

And when Sophia slapped her grandma, I wanted to beat the hell out of her. Better yet, why is Debra so afraid to discipline the little monster?

 

Because Baby Goo can do no wrong. And if anyone ever fails to tow the party line, they will be cut off. 

[vmcd88]

All this time and Amber has not been paying child support?  WTF.  Amber yelling at the producer about how she doesnt want to talk about topics that are reason she gets a paycheck is hilarious.  How did the producer not laugh her ass off with that one.  Amber needs a reality check cause if the Teen Mom checks suddenly stop rolling in and the cameras stop filming I'm betting Matt would suddenly disappear.  Someone should tell Amber MTV is not going to pay to film you & Matt lying on the couch all day.  Farrah on the other hand, at least she is entertaining in a trainwreck way.  The jewelry store/real estate shopping was pure unintentional comedy gold.  Please let there be a very special Teen Mom wedding (Maci/Taylor, Amber/Matt, Farrah/Simone).  They all could get their dresses on "Say Yes to the Dress."  We could all place bets on which marriage would implode first.     

Butch shoving Nova's poor little head into that cake was so wrong.  What an ass.

[poeticlicensed]

Farrah is insane. Really off her rocker. I would LURVE it if the producer guy sues her as for assault, considering it was on camera. Hey,  Amber smacked Gary around and landed in jail, so who knows? I would love for her greedy ass to have to write a big check with lots of zeros to someone. Can you imagine? And the scene in the jewelry store was hilarious. Juts bring me the most blingy, gaudy and expensive thing you have, it doesn't matter what it looks like, as long as it's expensive. I loved the look on the salesperson's face. She was holding back the laughter, big time. Same with the house. I'm sorry, unless she is some kind of financial genius, there is no way she can afford a mortgage on a 2M house. All while Simon plays his part as her bf. What is not funny is Sophia. Farrah's interaction with her are so fake and staged, either she spends no time with her, or Sophia is so numb to the crazy that she goes off and does weird stuff like growling and barking. Deb yelling out the car window about no old houses was just so Joan Crawford. 

 

As for Cait and Tyler, is being a raging narcissist part of addiction? Because between April and Butch, it was so all about them and how they were going to miss the party and what about them? Methinks Butch has read one too many blog posts and his ego is out of control. Cait is depressed, it's obvious and Tyler is NOT helping at all. 

 

Maci can lose me with her boring ass life of tailgates and t-shirts. I watched her closely drink a beer and it looked like she wasn't actually drinking it. But honestly, I don't care and it amazes me that she actually thinks she needs to "throw people off track". Girl, you are NOT a celebrity. Get over yourself. Ryan, why do you always look like you need a nap or woke up from one? When asked what he does at midnight, I immediately said he was going to get high or get laid. Probably both, lol. 

 

Amber now has two ugly ass rings that she bought for herself from Matt. I LOLed at Gary describing his wedding. Did he wear that T shirt he has been sporting? Pictures please. I loved that he decided to let Leah go with Amber and of course, that wasn't part of Amber's plan to play the vicitim, so she ended up spinning it so that he was bad anyway. Score one for Gary by accepting the CS amount, then saying nope to more time. I wanted to high five through my TV.   As for the house flip, I would love to get my hands on their balance sheet, if one exists. My guess is that they hired out for everything, which will make their profit margin razor thin

 

Way too many pooping and peeing animals this week. On to the reunion!!

Edited February 23, 2016 by poeticlicensed

[NikSac]

I would give kudos to Amber for "flipping" that house had it looked better and if we'd actually seen her do any work on camera. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the first time she'd been there since the original viewing. 

 

I have to admit I thought at first that was actually still the "before" or a mid-way through video.  When someone said something about them "taking over" I thought they meant they were going to take over that particular house... not that it was already done and they were taking over the whole real estate flipping industry.

[ava111]

Kudos to Gary that he didn't do a big MTV paid for wedding. We can expect one from Amber, Macy and Farrah next season. The season after that they will all be getting divorce.

Farrah only knows how to treat people either by being pissed and nasty to them or talk and treat them like a child. Nothing between.

Sophia is doomed. She will never be a normal child and adult, she has no examples of normal human interaction, love, respect. Unfortunately I can't even feel sorry for her anymore, she reached the level of awfulness that I can only hate her even though I know it's not her fault.

Amber should donate her new "expensive" engagement ring to Matt's children's mothers. Wonder how much child support would that cover.

Matt is just despicable nasty piece of shit.

Amber's grandma couldn't wait to leave their dinner, she could barely look at them. And was she also going to Florida since it was whole family together like Matt said?