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OriginalCyn

Strudel-Boy and Cawowine: Irritating Kids in Commercials

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Child actors in commercials are usually hit-or-miss -- they're usually either adorably endearing or annoying to the point of rage-inducing irritation.

My current nominees for Obnoxious Brats in Ads are, as noted in the title thread,

- the Strudel Boy (for Pillsbury's Toaster Strudel) He has one of the worst faux-German accents to hit the small screen in years -- when he breaks into that "Toaster Strudel, Ja?" I'm tempted to put a brick through the TV.  Also irritating is that strudel is an Austrian pastry, yet they have the kid decked out in lederhosen and looking like an escapee from a Biergarten at Oktoberfest.

- Cawowine, the cloying granddaughter of the Creepy E-Harmony dude.  This little brat could easily play the starring role of Rhoda in a remake of The Bad Seed.  In what universe did the producers of this shitty commercial think that giving her a fake speech impediment was a good idea?  She can't pronounce an "R" to save her life during the majority of her advertising spiel, yet she nails "I improvised" with better diction than a lot of adults.  Also, what in blue fuck was this elementary-school-aged kid doing talking with her teacher about his lovelife?!     

Edited by OriginalCyn
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Hi, we are covering the kids in another thread

http://forums.previously.tv/topic/2742-commercials-with-people-that-should-go-away-and-beyond-commercials-that-annoy-irritate-or-outright-enrage/

You'll find we feel your unlove for Cawwowine (or as I call her Nelly Olsen).

PML -- I just posted in that thread that I started this one as there are so many obnoxious little snowflakes in ads these days, they deserve their own thread.

Nellie Oleson was absolutely endearing compared to this demon-spawn -- for me, Nelly fell into the "Love to Hate" category.  Have you ever seen Alison Arngrim's stage show, Confessions of a Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated?  I think it may be on youtube, but she makes light of the character she portrayed on LHOTP, and it's fucking hilarious.

Edited by OriginalCyn

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PML -- I just posted in that thread that I started this one as there are so many obnoxious little snowflakes in ads these days, they deserve their own thread.

Nellie Oleson was absolutely endearing compared to this demon-spawn.  For me, Nelly fell into the "Love to Hate" category.  Have you ever seen Alison Arngrim's stage show, Confessions of a Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated?  I think it may be on youtube, but she makes light of the character she portrayed on LHOTP, and it's fucking hilarious.

No worries. I haven't figured out how to PM anyone here yet.  Not sure if you're a TWOP refugee as well but there's a few of us here and we are trying to keep the commercials forum more streamlined compared to the dozens and dozens of threads on TWOP. 

I haven't seen Nellie's show (she will forever be Nellie to me) but I did see Laura/Melissa on WWHL and she said she was good friends with Nellie then & now.  Nellie physically looked like my stepsister who was (and still is) a raving biotch so I might be predisposed to dislike her (a lot).

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No worries. I haven't figured out how to PM anyone here yet.  Not sure if you're a TWOP refugee as well but there's a few of us here and we are trying to keep the commercials forum more streamlined compared to the dozens and dozens of threads on TWOP. 

I haven't seen Nellie's show (she will forever be Nellie to me) but I did see Laura/Melissa on WWHL and she said she was good friends with Nellie then & now.  Nellie physically looked like my stepsister who was (and still is) a raving biotch so I might be predisposed to dislike her (a lot).

Definitely a refugee from TWoP (my Intro is on page 40 in that thread).  I guess we're all in that stumbling around stage and getting a feel for how things will function here (so far I'm really enjoying it).  Right there with you on the PM'ing thing as I was hunting for how to do that earlier today and came up fruitless.

There absolutely were too many commercial threads over there, but some ad types definitely needed their own category.

Edited by OriginalCyn

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I don't know why ad execs think that having bratty and snotty children in commercials will make people want to buy their product. Like those kids in the Halos commercials. All I want to see is the parent knocking their kid to the floor and telling them that as long as they (the parent) buy the food, the kid doesn't get to have an attitude and claim anything as theirs. And don't be expecting any birthday or Christmas gifts until you get an attitude check.

Then there's the teen brat in the Allstate commercial. You just crashed the family car and you want to act snotty and superior to your supposedly out-of-touch mother about an app?

Do the people who create these ads think that kids act like this or have kids who act like this? Because if so, all my negative viewpoints on modern-day parenting are being justified. I knew full damn well better than to act like this to my parents and had I done so, they would have taken me to the ER to have an emergency MRI done just to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor or something that would cause me to behave like I didn't know any better before they whooped my ass.

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Speaking of the Halos commercial I overheard somthing funny at the grocery store.  We were in the produce dept. and a mom with her kid (about 6 years old) were looking at the fruit.  Mom asks her son if he wants anything.  He replies with a sigh Halos or Cuties or whatever they are calling them now.  I had to chuckle and thought he's going to be on these commercial forums when he's a bit older.

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PMSL at "Cawowine"!! I am soooo glad there are others who hate this brat as much as I do. (Well, don't hate the kid herself, but hate her brattiness that gets so celebrated and mistaken for cuteness in this commercial). And what also grates about that commercial is how she tells hew cweepy gwampa how she was weawy wude to hew teachuw by tewing an adult that his wewationship would nevew wast. Scuse me? And Gwampa doesn't say she was wude? Oh, and you're right, the poster above who asks what in hell her teacher is doing discussing his dating life on a dating website with a little kid in the first place.  

Edited by FinePoint
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It's hard to top some of these kids, but Cawowine is syptomatic of a true advertising nightmare... business owners who use their own kids (or grandkids) in ads, especially local ads where the kids cannot act to save their lives.  Monotone reading of lines is not going to bring in business.  People, your kids (or grandkids) are not nearly as adorable as you think they are.

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All those PediaSure kids who don't "wike" whatever's for dinner so their helicopter moms think the kids are going to die of malnutrition and give them PediaSure shakes instead. Guess what mom? Those kids are never going to wike anything as long as they know they can get chocolate milkshakes instead just by refusing to eat.

They seem to have gotten rid of the "I don't wike broccoli, I don't wike chicken, I don't wike waffles" kid in the grocery cart, but now they have the little boy who pushes his plate back to his mom with a shit-eating grin on his face. (Also: why is the mom in that commercial just sitting at the table staring at her kid while he has lunch? Weirdo.)

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Although I was the pickiest eater that ever picked as a child(and not very adventurous as an adult), and for the most part not forced to eat things I didn't like, I also was never made an entirely separate dinner, or given a yummy milkshake in its place.  "You don't want to eat it?  Fine, see you at the next meal."

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So many of these commercials listed make me think of that saying that children should be seen and not heard. And these commercials are why.

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For how long are they going to run that godawful Cawowine ad?  Just saw it for the 1000th time a few moments ago.  Isn't she in high school by now?  Has creepy grandpa paid for some speech therapy?  

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Well, considering she's the granddaughter of the guy who runs the company, she'll probably be in the ads till she finds her own match.

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I finally saw that eHarmony ad you've all been talking about, just a few minutes ago. Good frikkin' Lord, is she annoying! (And what is she, 10? Shouldn't she be able to pronounce her R's by now?)

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I'll be she can pronounce them just fine, and was directed to speak that way out of some insipid notion such a thing is cute. 

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I find her pouting and lip-pursing even more off-putting than the mispronounced "R"s.

 

OTOH, maybe that's why she mispronounces her "R"s. It's hard to be articulate when you've got your mouth all bunched up like that.

Edited by Eliot

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My current nominees for Obnoxious Brats in Ads are, as noted in the title thread,

- the Strudel Boy (for Pillsbury's Toaster Strudel) He has one of the worst faux-German accents to hit the small screen in years -- when he breaks into that "Toaster Strudel, Ja?" I'm tempted to put a brick through the TV.  Also irritating is that strudel is an Austrian pastry, yet they have the kid decked out in lederhosen and looking like an escapee from a Biergarten at Oktoberfest.

This kid scares the crap out of me. He's got dark circles under his eyes, & I always think he's possessed or something. Just the way he stares when he says "Toaster Strudel, Ja?" gives me chills, he makes it sound like a threat.

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The newest Cheerios commercial features a little girl lecturing the viewer about beta-something-or-other that comes from oats and how that helps to lower cholesterol. So how much credit do I get for attending Professor Snot Nosed Gingham Dress' class?

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I find her pouting and lip-pursing even more off-putting than the mispronounced "R"s.

 

OTOH, maybe that's why she mispronounces her "R"s. It's hard to be articulate when you've got your mouth all bunched up like that.

HOOKED ON PHONICS!

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Just saw a Lays commercial where a kid hypnotized a guy with a potato chip, making him crash his head into the window. Brat.

Although I'd watch it exclusively if it meant I never had to see Cawowine.

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Confession: Sometimes I go to YouTube and look up Cawowine, just so I can hate on her a little more. It is very cathartic.

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And here I was going to suggest that this thread be renamed.  In a few months, Strudel-boy and Cawowine will only be fading memories (God willing), so I was thinking of something more permanent.  As a Rodney Dangerfield fan, my thought was "Now I know why tigers eat their young: Irritating Kids in Commercials".

Edited by RedZoneTuba
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Now I have an image of Tony the Tiger devouring all of the annoying children in commericals, starting with Cawowine and Strudel Boy and moving on to the ones who create a mess and don't clean it up. It's greeeeeat.

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I have a new little girl to hate.  She's the Nestle Pure Life water girl who is telling her toy how drinking water is fun.  She uses a silly childish voice for the toy.  But worse than that she can pronounce every freaking word except pure!  And she comments that it's hard to say.  Come on if you are going to write a script where a word is hard to say at least make it a reasonably difficult word.

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All those PediaSure kids who don't "wike" whatever's for dinner so their helicopter moms think the kids are going to die of malnutrition and give them PediaSure shakes instead. Guess what mom? Those kids are never going to wike anything as long as they know they can get chocolate milkshakes instead just by refusing to eat.

They seem to have gotten rid of the "I don't wike broccoli, I don't wike chicken, I don't wike waffles" kid in the grocery cart, but now they have the little boy who pushes his plate back to his mom with a shit-eating grin on his face. (Also: why is the mom in that commercial just sitting at the table staring at her kid while he has lunch? Weirdo.)

 

God, I hate these little brats! Especially the latter kid--he doesn't even say anything in the commercial and I still want to give him a good slap in the face, though I want to smack the mother even more for being such an enabler. And they act so excited and proud of themselves because the boy actually grew an inch or so. Tell you what PediaSure, if you really want to convince me your product is a healthy alternative to actually feeding your child, bring these kids back after a few years of ingesting nothing but these shakes. I doubt they'd be complaining about chicken and waffles after that. 

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I do have to say one thing about Pediasure - not sure if you've ever tasted an Ensure product, but if you really think they're "yummy" or anything resembling a "milkshake," you and I have very different taste buds.  They're incredibly nasty.  I can't imagine any kid choosing them over a meal they can tolerate, because they taste like SlimFast mixed with toxic waste. 

 

So while the ads are annoying (I didn't mind the "I don't think I like waffles!" kid, because the idea of a kid outright hating waffles is so bizarre to me I couldn't take it seriously, but the mom worried about "growing apart" from her awful son pisses me off and I think they both need a slap - he's, what, six?!  You're his MOTHER.  Being his best friend is not your damn job!), but I don't think any kid will be hugely spoiled or learn to hate all other food products from them.  Because they are horrendous.  If anything, they'd make a picky kid learn to like other foods in a hurry if mom threatened him with one of those drinks! 

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Politically incorrect chiming in here. I was horrified when the Ensure ads first came out. I work in a hospital, and it's pretty common to hear people refer to Ensure as "gomer chow". I couldn't imagine people voluntarily drinking it. It's gritty and nasty by the time they add all the shit that makes it "nutritionally complete".

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Yeah, Ensure is something one drinks because it's all that stands between them and malnutrition.  When I was caring for my grandpa in his final year, I worked like a mad scientist to doctor that stuff up into something he could finish a glass of.  Unless this PediaSure is so full of sugar kids are having a very different gustatory experience than their elder counterparts, how is it preferable to broccoli, let alone waffles?

 

Regardless, the commercials piss me off - for the whiny, demanding kids and for the parents who are too damn lazy or cowed to do their job as parents.  And most of all for the marketing execs who decided to peddle something made to temporarily nourish sick children as a substitute for balanced meals in picky eaters.

Edited by Bastet
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Cawowine has a wittle brudder! I caught a few seconds before I left for the day and he has the same speech impediment. Poor kids. I hope for their sake, Cweepy Gwandpa E-Hawmony sets up some speech therapy after their commercial stints are done so they don't go through life as adults talking like Elmer Fudd.

My grandfather was forced to drink Ensure the last couple of years of his life. He said he wished he was allowed a beer to chase it with because it tasted terrible.

Edited by lachesis
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Politically incorrect chiming in here. I was horrified when the Ensure ads first came out. I work in a hospital, and it's pretty common to hear people refer to Ensure as "gomer chow". I couldn't imagine people voluntarily drinking it. It's gritty and nasty by the time they add all the shit that makes it "nutritionally complete".

A coworker drank Ensure by the case.  I asked his assistant why, and she said he was a cheap mofo and that he used it as a meal replacement.  I'm not sure he was even 50 yet.

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Cawowine has a friend in the new spot. He's got a girlfriend or something, but will use eHarmony when he's older.

Commercial is slightly redeemed when boy kid says his bedtime is 8:00 and grandpa eHarmony says his is too.

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Is it just me, or is that girl on the "My mom works for GE" kinda creepy.  Reminds of the ghoulish ghost kids that just stand in a corner staring, before something baaaad happens.

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This commercial she isn't a child but a teenager and it's Ebay where they're singing "12 Days of Christmas" and then this brat just interrupts the song to tell all the adults that she basically hated all the gifts they gave her last year and tell them what they need to get her. Insulting her Aunt Carla for making needlepoint throw pillows. I would have told that little brat she better hope she gets anything at all.

 

Check out this one, great message for the commercial but that little brat would have gotten the belt as soon as we got home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM8ym0FqM_k

Edited by ShadowSixx
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OMG, that was hysterical! I had no idea what the commercial was for up until the end. And, yes, my mother would have taken me out to the car right away if I had pulled that.

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There was one that popped in my head for some unknown reason. It was a car commercial, can't remember which car brand it was for. Anyways a girl scout comes to a house and a woman answers the door and asks her if she would like to buy some cookies. The woman politely tells her no and how she doesn't have the money for the cookies. The girl scout gets snotty and says along the lines, "You can't afford no girl scout cookies, but you can afford that new car over there," and then lists the cars features then at the end she says, "I'm gonna put you down for four boxes of snickerdoodles." gives the woman a snotty look and walks off leaving the woman speechless.

 

If I was that woman I would have said, "Let me see you walk up my driveway with those boxes of cookies and see what's up. Just told your dumbass I don't want no damn cookies!"

Edited by ShadowSixx
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Both kids in the Aldi's peanut budt-ter/juice box ad annoy the crap out of me.  First, the way the little girl prounces butter, the fact that the (male) idiot child is trying to talk with his mouth full of peanut butter sandwich and the sexual aggression of the girl ("I think he's saying he likes me.  Yeah, he likes me.") are annoying beyond belief.

 And who sends their kid off to school with a peanut butter sandwich without making sure he's got something to wash it down?  At the very least, where's the jelly to temper the PB?

 

When I was a kid (and school lunches only cost a quarter) the half-pint of milk automatically came with the lunch.  If you brought your lunch, you could show the lunchroom ladies your brown bag and you got a free carton of milk.  No need for parent-provided juice boxes back then.  Not having kids (or grandkids at this point) I have no idea if the free milk thing still exists.

Edited by Prevailing Wind

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Most schools in my experience have milk as part of the purchased lunch and has milk on its own for sale. When I was in elementary school (back in the dark ages- I remember the invention of the juice box- Ocean Spray Cranberry was the first one marketed- and the chewy granola bar), most of us had a thermos to bring a drink. Those were also the days before rampant peanut allergies; I can't send my kids to school with peanut butter.  

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I went to school in the pre-juice-box, dark ages, and milk automatically came with the hot lunch, but if you brown-bagged it, you had to provide your own beverage or purchase milk separately.

Edited by smittykins
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When I went to school with the dinosaurs we had to bring our own lunches, no hot meals were provided, but we could buy milk.  Milk money?  Remember that term?  The alternative was to walk home at noontime.  Yes, they let elementary school kids leave school property to go home for lunch and come back afterwards.

 

There's a local car dealership ad featuring the owner's grandson who went to the School of Unpwonounceable Rs with Cawowine.  He pronounces his name as O'Bwien.  I repeat the comment I made when this topic first opened: Sir, your grandson isn't as cute as you think he is.

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That is unfortunate, to have a name that highlights your speech impediment. It also makes me think of The Life of Brian when the crowd is baiting the oblivious Pilate: "Vewy well, I shall fwee Bwian!"

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I kind of like the Hyundai Sonata commercial with the dad driving around the empty parking lot so that the little girl can 'drive' from the back seat (reminds me of Maggie in the opening credits of 'The Simpsons').  She is so intent on her driving and they both look like they're having a good time.  When he stops because she looks like she's had enough and she does that little twirl thing with her finger and he takes off again, I have to laugh.  She's one commercial kid that I don't find annoying.  The first time I saw it, I thought that he was being reckless driving around like that, but he's in an empty parking lot driving slower than it looks, so now I just enjoy it. I looked it up--the song playing is Joan Jett's 'Family Racer'.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5a7nm_UGCA

Edited by The Crazed Spruce
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There's a similar one where the kid is crushed that his remote control car is broken. Cue Dad racing around the empty parking lot turning whichever way the toy car on the seat beside him turns. It's ruined a bit at the end as the kids chortle that they'll have to find more toys to break.

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I used to really like the cute little boys on Chris Paul/Cliff Paul commercials, but those commercials are shown so much that I'm sick to death of seeing those little round heads. So I guess the kids themselves aren't irritating, but it's the commercials themselves.

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I assume this kid is dead inside.

This is a worthy thread.

I read a similar argument made by Sam I Am in Green Eggs and Ham.  Although to be real, she is so creepy calm I figure she has had a little "aged and fermented" Welchs Grape Juice

Edited by RealityGal
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