Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[iwantcookies]

11 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Cosmo keeping me company while I watch The Wedding Singer. 
 

It’s COLD in Chicago today, so we only went out to use the bathroom at 6am and 11am (I usually take him out at noon but he was pawing at me and I know enough to follow the dog’s lead). 
 

I also went to the pet boutique and got him new treats, and the joint supplement I use for Blake in dog form. I’ve realized in our week together he doesn’t care much about the size of the treat, just so long as he gets one. I give him one after each time we go outside (so 4 treats a day, I want to keep them small because calories matter). He does like the chicken! If he won’t eat something the place will take it back (I would just exchange). I love Chewy.com for heavy stuff but it’s nice to shop at a small neighborhood place when I can. 

How long is Cosmo staying with you?

 

[Absolom]

17 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Cosmo keeping me company while I watch The Wedding Singer. 
 

It’s COLD in Chicago today, so we only went out to use the bathroom at 6am and 11am (I usually take him out at noon but he was pawing at me and I know enough to follow the dog’s lead). 
 

He seems like he's happily moved in and adapted.  Congratulations.

[doodlebug]

45 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

I know the name of the hospital where I was born, because that's on my birth certificate. No clue on where my mother was when I was conceived or where or if she received prenatal care.  She was married to my stepfather before I was born. She left him, and went to parts unknown to me. She may have stayed in the same town, but I don't think so, because it was a small town, and he would have come for her.  I remember hearing her talking to herself saying she never should have come back to my stepfather. 

It is possible that there is a copy of your mother's prenatal records in her hospital chart when she gave birth to you.  Back in the day before the internet; we OB's would send a copy of our patient's prenatal records to the hospital where they were planning to deliver so they would be available to the staff when the patient came in.  We usually did it around 36 weeks.  It is possible that somewhere on those records, there is a clue to your biological father's identity.  You might not be able to access your mother's records, but you can request your newborn chart.  Most of the places where I practiced back then would've copied the records into the baby's chart, too. Prenatal records usually have blank spaces where the doctors and nurses in the office can make notes about stuff.  I could see documenting something about the FOB (father of baby) there; at least info about his ethnicity and general state of health.  If your mom was fearful about your stepfather's behavior and told them about it; that could be there, too.  Best case scenario: your father's name is there.

This is how it was done back in the 80's when I was a resident; so it is very likely that it was done that way where you were born.

To get the records, call the hospital where you were born, ask for health information services (that is what they call medical records these days).  Tell them you want your delivery records and give your name and date of birth.  They are probably archived somewhere since it has been a while and most hospitals don't have space to store all that paper; but they can locate them and send you a copy.  They will probably want a signed request from you, but, often, this can be done online.

Edited January 28, 2021 by doodlebug

[Suzn]

20 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Cosmo keeping me company while I watch The Wedding Singer. 
 

It’s COLD in Chicago today, so we only went out to use the bathroom at 6am and 11am (I usually take him out at noon but he was pawing at me and I know enough to follow the dog’s lead). 
 

I also went to the pet boutique and got him new treats, and the joint supplement I use for Blake in dog form. I’ve realized in our week together he doesn’t care much about the size of the treat, just so long as he gets one. I give him one after each time we go outside (so 4 treats a day, I want to keep them small because calories matter). He does like the chicken! If he won’t eat something the place will take it back (I would just exchange). I love Chewy.com for heavy stuff but it’s nice to shop at a small neighborhood place when I can. 

You are being so good to Cosmo and he is returning sweet companionship.  I hope he and Blake are still OK with each other.

[Scarlett45]

4 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

How long is Cosmo staying with you?

 

I’m not sure. My god mother is in a lot of pain and she’s having good days and bad days (today is a good day, she had a 3hrs shift at work, she couldn’t work at all last week). Her husband (whos 81), his back went out and this is the first time in a week he’s been able to walk up the stairs to their bedroom. 
 

Cosmo is an 80lbs dog I’m not sure either one of them have the physical stamina to handle him any more. I’m preparing for Cosmo to stay indefinitely, but of course I will take him home to his mother the second she asks. She said she knows he’s happier with me than he would be in the kennel/boarding facility right now. I sent her videos of us playing in the snow and she said she hasn’t seen him that happy in over a year because she hasn’t had the energy to play with him like she used to. 
 

This whole thing makes me feel awful. His being here means she’s really really sick, and isn’t going to get better. We were as hopeful as we could be a year ago but now not so much. None of the treatments have worked and the tumor keeps growing. It just sucks!
 

Of course I’m happy to take a worry off her mind and I feel honored that she trusts me with him. 

[Scarlett45]

Just now, Suzn said:

You are being so good to Cosmo and he is returning sweet companionship.  I hope he and Blake are still OK with each other.

They are getting along really well actually. Blake just doesn’t like it when he barks (Blake runs to the mantle and hides behind the tv), but we have had time with Blake on my lap and Cosmo by my feet and it’s cool. 
 

Blake keeps free run of the house and gets fed at night (so Cosmo doesn’t swipe his kibble), and Cosmo sleeps in my office area off my bedroom (I leave the door always closed), so he has access to his food/water without Blake getting in the way. 

[QuinnInND]

5 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

It is possible that there is a copy of your mother's prenatal records in her hospital chart when she gave birth to you.  Back in the day before the internet; we OB's would send a copy of our patient's prenatal records to the hospital where they were planning to deliver so they would be available to the staff when the patient came in.  We usually did it around 36 weeks.  It is possible that somewhere on those records, there is a clue to your biological father's identity.  You might not be able to access your mother's records, but you can request your newborn chart.  Most of the places where I practiced back then would've copied the records into the baby's chart, too. Prenatal records usually have blank spaces where the doctors and nurses in the office can make notes about stuff.  I could see documenting something about the FOB (father of baby) there; at least info about his ethnicity and general state of health.  If your mom was fearful about your stepfather's behavior and told them about it; that could be there, too.

This is how it was done back in the 80's when I was a resident; so it is very likely that it was done that way where you were born.

To get the records, call the hospital where you were born, ask for health information services (that is what they call medical records these days).  Tell them you want your delivery records and give your name and date of birth.  They are probably archived somewhere since it has been a while and most hospitals don't have space to store all that paper; but they can locate them and send you a copy.  They will probably want a signed request from you, but, often, this can be done online.

Thank you!  

[doodlebug]

5 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

Thank you!  

You're welcome, sorry I didn't think of it sooner.  Something Scarlett said upthread jogged my memory.

When your mom arrived at Labor and Delivery, one of the nurses would've done an intake interview, too.  Now, since your mom was married to someone else, she might've lied; but you'd be amazed at the family secrets that spill out in labor.  The nurses do essentially a social services interview.  In Ohio, we are required to ask about living situations including how many bathrooms in the house and if there is electricity and plumbing that works.  There are definitely questions about the biological father on the intake form.  The most commonly used form in the 80's was made by a company called Hollister and the intake sheets will have that imprint.  Even if your mom's prenatal records aren't there, she might've told a nurse a thing or two. Happens all the time.

Edited January 28, 2021 by doodlebug

[QuinnInND]

3 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

You're welcome, sorry I didn't think of it sooner.  Something Scarlett said upthread jogged my memory.

No worries. 😊

[BitterApple]

37 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Cosmo keeping me company while I watch The Wedding Singer. 
 

It’s COLD in Chicago today, so we only went out to use the bathroom at 6am and 11am (I usually take him out at noon but he was pawing at me and I know enough to follow the dog’s lead). 
 

I also went to the pet boutique and got him new treats, and the joint supplement I use for Blake in dog form. I’ve realized in our week together he doesn’t care much about the size of the treat, just so long as he gets one. I give him one after each time we go outside (so 4 treats a day, I want to keep them small because calories matter). He does like the chicken! If he won’t eat something the place will take it back (I would just exchange). I love Chewy.com for heavy stuff but it’s nice to shop at a small neighborhood place when I can. 

My dogs adore Buddy's Biscuits. Good choice!

[Suzn]

@QuinnInND, first I want to say how much I've been impressed with you and the life you have created for yourself.  Because of the horrors of your early life, it is not surprising that you are not sure whether you want to open those letters from your mother and sister.  If you do what feels right to you, it will be the right decision.

As far as finding your bio father, your best best is Ancestry DNA testing.  I do understand why you are reluctant to do that however.

[QuinnInND]

23 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

You're welcome, sorry I didn't think of it sooner.  Something Scarlett said upthread jogged my memory.

When your mom arrived at Labor and Delivery, one of the nurses would've done an intake interview, too.  Now, since your mom was married to someone else, she might've lied; but you'd be amazed at the family secrets that spill out in labor.  The nurses do essentially a social services interview.  In Ohio, we are required to ask about living situations including how many bathrooms in the house and if there is electricity and plumbing that works.  There are definitely questions about the biological father on the intake form.  The most commonly used form in the 80's was made by a company called Hollister and the intake sheets will have that imprint.  Even if your mom's prenatal records aren't there, she might've told a nurse a thing or two. Happens all the time.

So if she did tell a nurse something,  nothing from there would have been on my birth certificate, right? Like if she mentioned his occupation. They would have put whatever info she gave them when they asked her for info for the birth certificate, right? Hope that made sense.  There is a Drs name in my birth certificate too. I wonder if he would remember anything after all these years. 

 

Edited January 28, 2021 by QuinnInND

[CalicoKitty]

We had over a foot of snow yesterday and more last night.  I woke up about 1:00 AM wondering why there was light coming in the top of my drapes.  I got up, and it looked like it was 4:00 in the afternoon.  Much too bright for 1 AM.  Then I realized it was a full moon, and the moonlight was reflecting off all the snow.  It was  pretty, but kind or eerie, too.

[Suzn]

2 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

I feel that. By this time  I thought I’d have a kid and a real career. Nope. Don’t even have 1 real friend either. I feel like a failure.
 

You are not alone in your feelings. Big hug.
 

 

You are appreciated here.  The support you give to others is valuable and that doesn't come from a failure.

[Scarlett45]

4 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

So if she did tell a nurse something,  nothing from there would have been on my birth certificate, right? Like if she mentioned his occupation. They would have put whatever info she gave them when they asked her for info for the birth certificate, right? Hope that made sense.  There is a Drs name in my birth certificate too. I wonder if he would remember anything after all these years. 

 

I am not @doodlebug, I am not sure what the birth certificate format is like in your state (and what it was like in the 1980s), but in IL in the 1980s it was

1. maternal maiden name, DOB, place of birth, age at birth

2. paternal name, DOB, place of birth, age at birth

3. baby name, sex, dob, place of birth

 

But your mom could’ve given a paternal medical history (if she knew it) to someone who gave her prenatal care, or if you (the fetus) were likely to have a genetic disease based on the ethnic groups you belong to (which may narrow down certain ethnicities of your bio Dad), the medical history should have your blood type in the new born chart (but you already know your blood type).....

The more your mom knew about the man the likely there is a clue somewhere in the paperwork. 

3 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

We had over a foot of snow yesterday and more last night.  I woke up about 1:00 AM wondering why there was light coming in the top of my drapes.  I got up, and it looked like it was 4:00 in the afternoon.  Much too bright for 1 AM.  Then I realized it was a full moon, and the moonlight was reflecting off all the snow.  It was  pretty, but kind or eerie, too.

I can believe it! Driving my mom to work today it was so damn bright I had to wear my sun glasses. I realized it was all the light reflecting on the snow. 

[QuinnInND]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I am not @doodlebug, I am not sure what the birth certificate format is like in your state (and what it was like in the 1980s), but in IL in the 1980s it was

1. maternal maiden name, DOB, place of birth, age at birth

2. paternal name, DOB, place of birth, age at birth

3. baby name, sex, dob, place of birth

 

But your mom could’ve given a paternal medical history (if she knew it) to someone who gave her prenatal care, or if you (the fetus) were likely to have a genetic disease based on the ethnic groups you belong to (which may narrow down certain ethnicities of your bio Dad), the medical history should have your blood type in the new born chart (but you already know your blood type).....

The more your mom knew about the man the likely there is a clue somewhere in the paperwork. 

I can believe it! Driving my mom to work today it was so damn bright I had to wear my sun glasses. I realized it was all the light reflecting on the snow. 

I appreciate all this help! I never even thought of looking at birth records/history and such. My mother may have said something or other, because it would be confidential, right? She wouldn't have worried that my stepfather would have found out the info. 

Snowblindness is a real thing. North Dakota taught me that. I had to put on sunglasses to take the dogs out, it was so bad. 

[doodlebug]

31 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

So if she did tell a nurse something,  nothing from there would have been on my birth certificate, right? Like if she mentioned his occupation. They would have put whatever info she gave them when they asked her for info for the birth certificate, right? Hope that made sense.  There is a Drs name in my birth certificate too. I wonder if he would remember anything after all these years. 

 

Nope, the birth certificate is purely for record-keeping by the state.  Since your mother said your father was unknown, all of the demographic stuff that is usually on the birth certificate pertaining to the dad would've been left blank.  In Ohio, there are spaces for the father's age and level of education and stuff like that. Most states have similar information.  I don't think there would be enough to identify your father from that and, like I said, I'll bet that part is blank on yours.

You could google your mother's doctor's name and see what happened to him or where he is.  I doubt he remembers anything after 38 years.  I can remember a few stories from patients from way back, but not many, and I certainly wouldn't remember the name of a biologic father who I never met.  It is unlikely that you would be able to get your mother's prenatal records from him; it's a HIPAA thing.  The records are your mom's property even though you were the baby.

Anything that your mother told a nurse would be confidential.  HIPAA wasn't around in the 80's, but medical records were still private and certainly anything that might potentially cause a ruckus would not have been bandied about.  Even in the 80's, your stepfather would not have had access to your mother's medical records without her permission.  In the hospital chart, there are probably also progress notes, written by the doctors and nurses who took care of your mom.  If she was crying or upset and a nurse tried to comfort her, there could be something there although, once again, it might not be on your pediatric chart and so  you might not be able to access it.  Now, of course, if it was a nursery nurse that she confided in, that's going on your chart, not hers.

Edited January 28, 2021 by doodlebug

[Scarlett45]

3 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

I appreciate all this help! I never even thought of looking at birth records/history and such. My mother may have said something or other, because it would be confidential, right? She wouldn't have worried that my stepfather would have found out the info. 

Snowblindness is a real thing. North Dakota taught me that. I had to put on sunglasses to take the dogs out, it was so bad. 

No problem! Different sets of eyes on the same info can see different things. 
 

Yeah- no way your stepfather could’ve found out all this out (unless your Mom told him herself which she obviously didn’t do).

We also don’t know the backstory behind your Mom and Bio dad- was bio dad already married/committed to someone else and that’s why your Mom went back to her husband after your birth? Did he know she was pregnant?

Did she make plans to be with bio Dad and something happen?
 

Did your mom not know she was pregnant for a while (for whatever reason) and wondered if the POS abuser was your bio Dad or not?

Did she try to raise you on her own for a time?

Did the POS abuser find her where she was hiding from him and drag her back? Did she petition for a divorce and THAT’S how he found her?(distinctly possible)

 

 

[doodlebug]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

No problem! Different sets of eyes on the same info can see different things. 
 

Yeah- no way your stepfather could’ve found out all this out (unless your Mom told him herself which she obviously didn’t do).

We also don’t know the backstory behind your Mom and Bio dad- was bio dad already married/committed to someone else and that’s why your Mom went back to her husband after your birth? Did he know she was pregnant?

Did she make plans to be with bio Dad and something happen?
 

Did your mom not know she was pregnant for a while (for whatever reason) and wondered if the POS abuser was your bio Dad or not?

Did she try to raise you on her own for a time?

Did the POS abuser find her where she was hiding from him and drag her back? Did she petition for a divorce and THAT’S how he found her?(distinctly possible)

 

 

I think Quinn said her stepfather knew he wasn't her biologic father.

Another thing I am loathe to mention is that it sounds like your mother's relationship with your biological father was brief.  If you find him, you need to be prepared because he might turn out to be a terrible person, too.

[Scarlett45]

Just now, doodlebug said:

I think Quinn said her stepfather knew he wasn't her biologic father.

Yes I remember @QuinnInND mentioned that. But in an age without early detection pregnancy tests and not everyone got sonograms in the early 80s, her mom may not have known how far along she was right away- with just a positive pregnancy test. Only realizing who the bio dad was when she did the math and looked back at her menstrual cycles. 
 

[QuinnInND]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

No problem! Different sets of eyes on the same info can see different things. 
 

Yeah- no way your stepfather could’ve found out all this out (unless your Mom told him herself which she obviously didn’t do).

We also don’t know the backstory behind your Mom and Bio dad- was bio dad already married/committed to someone else and that’s why your Mom went back to her husband after your birth? Did he know she was pregnant?

Did she make plans to be with bio Dad and something happen?
 

Did your mom not know she was pregnant for a while (for whatever reason) and wondered if the POS abuser was your bio Dad or not?

Did she try to raise you on her own for a time?

Did the POS abuser find her where she was hiding from him and drag her back? Did she petition for a divorce and THAT’S how he found her?(distinctly possible)

 

 

She was married to my stepfather for a couple of years (AFAIK) then left him for a period of time. I got the impression it was somewhere between 1 year to 18 months. During that time, she met my bio dad and got pregnant. Then after my birth in March of 1982,  (I was still an infant, I think, as opposed to a toddler) she went back to my stepfather. Not sure why. He could be very kind and charming when he chose to be.  I have no idea where she was living during this time. 

3 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yes I remember @QuinnInND mentioned that. But in an age without early detection pregnancy tests and not everyone got sonograms in the early 80s, her mom may not have known how far along she was right away- with just a positive pregnancy test. Only realizing who the bio dad was when she did the math and looked back at her menstrual cycles. 
 

She knew my stepfather wasn't my bio dad.  She said my stepfather beat her over me. Like how dare she go get pregnant. I always heard about what me being a bastard child from him. 

[QuinnInND]

8 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

I think Quinn said her stepfather knew he wasn't her biologic father.

Another thing I am loathe to mention is that it sounds like your mother's relationship with your biological father was brief.  If you find him, you need to be prepared because he might turn out to be a terrible person, too.

My husband brought that up. I still want to know who he is or was. He couldn't be any worse than my stepfather. 

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

Another thing I am loathe to mention is that it sounds like your mother's relationship with your biological father was brief.  If you find him, you need to be prepared because he might turn out to be a terrible person, too.

Best case scenario he just didn’t know about the pregnancy IMHO.

 

1 hour ago, QuinnInND said:

My husband brought that up. I still want to know who he is or was. He couldn't be any worse than my stepfather. 

I don’t think he could be any worse either. 

I understand you want to know where you come from. 

1 hour ago, QuinnInND said:

She was married to my stepfather for a couple of years (AFAIK) then left him for a period of time. I got the impression it was somewhere between 1 year to 18 months. During that time, she met my bio dad and got pregnant. Then after my birth in March of 1982,  (I was still an infant, I think, as opposed to a toddler) she went back to my stepfather. Not sure why. He could be very kind and charming when he chose to be.  I have no idea where she was living during this time. 

She likely went back to him because he looked like a better opinion than she was living at the time. Obviously she was wrong but whatever the deal was-she thought he was the best choice. 
 

Wherever she was living she likely didn’t go far and then come back, so I would start looking geographically close to the hospital of your birth and go outward from there. 

[Mindthinkr]

My brother (who blood wise is some kind of cousin-I was adopted to “keep me in the family”) loves genealogy. He knows my birth father. He knows if I have half siblings from my paternal connection. He is very closed mouthed. Probably because I tricked him into getting my birth mother’s name (when I was 15). My birth mother left the info about my other parent, but I’m going to be gullible and think it is because my bro is protecting me. (This thread is making me....) One time when I was a nurse, a guy (with his wife) came in to the office and my knees went week. He had my father’s last name, had used a transient address (Holiday Inn) and looked exactly like me. I swear it was like looking in a mirror. Shockingly so. He did not want to give up any info to me upon light questioning. I so wanted to go back and check out the chart (Manila one pre-computer). To see if it was a bogus visit, or a visit because he had found me and wanted to see me without consequences. Nope. I am loyal and have integrity, but so many times I regret never having stolen a peek at his chart. Y’all are bringing up so much. I will say that I have met my half sister. She’s a nice person. Never married, but has a full life. We keep in touch because we both believe that’s the way our birth mother would have liked for us to be. My brother (from my adopted family) does not want to know her. I did one good thing. I paid for my half sisters college education. I was brought up in easier circumstances. It was the least that I could do...with help from my step-father whom I adored. People get really confused when I try to explain my real family situation. Me, I have a daughter (with her family) and cats. I’m good. Not all of these situations end up badly. 
P.S. I am still not seeing Mr Chemo lol. 
   

[emma675]

You're a good person, Mindthinkr. And rock on with your bad self for staying away from Mr. Chemo!

[QuinnInND]

So as if this story couldn't get any weirder. When I left home, I took what I thought was my birth certificate. My mother told me that's what it was. She kept it with my sisters in a box in her closet. I put it in my suitcase and that's where it stayed. I couldn't read, so I just took it on faith. When my husband and I got married, I needed to get an ID, and my husband asked me if the one I had was a certified copy. I told him I didn't know, and we decided to just get a fresh certified one, which we did, and the one I had stayed in my suitcase, unread. It's since been put in our lockbox where we keep all the vital papers, and has been unread. I haven't looked at the certified one we got in years. When we got it, I couldn't read yet, so it was unimportant for me to give it more than a passing glance.  So I just decided to get them out and look at them for info. Well guess what. The certified copy we got is different than the one I took from home.  That one has more info. It's got the hospital, and the Dr who delivered me on it, my weight and length, my mother's occupation (housewife) and her address, and my father's occupation is listed as "peace officer", but no name. I don't know where this one came from, but it's the one my mother had. The new one just has my name, my mother's name, place of birth and a unknown for my father's name. Missouri is very basic. But the one I took has the other info.  The rest of the info is the same.  But my stepfather sure as hell wasn't a cop.  I'm stunned. My husband is too. 

[Love2dance]

@Mindthinkr, the best part of my day was hearing that you are not seeing Mr. Chemo. So happy you found a way to get out of that situation.

I am amazed at the number of members of this Small Talk group who have sad/overwhelming/heart wrenching stories involving family secrets and geneology. @QuinnInNDI hope you find the answers you are seeking, if you decide to pursue the possible links to your father.

[DangerousMinds]

1 hour ago, QuinnInND said:

So as if this story couldn't get any weirder. When I left home, I took what I thought was my birth certificate. My mother told me that's what it was. She kept it with my sisters in a box in her closet. I put it in my suitcase and that's where it stayed. I couldn't read, so I just took it on faith. When my husband and I got married, I needed to get an ID, and my husband asked me if the one I had was a certified copy. I told him I didn't know, and we decided to just get a fresh certified one, which we did, and the one I had stayed in my suitcase, unread. It's since been put in our lockbox where we keep all the vital papers, and has been unread. I haven't looked at the certified one we got in years. When we got it, I couldn't read yet, so it was unimportant for me to give it more than a passing glance.  So I just decided to get them out and look at them for info. Well guess what. The certified copy we got is different than the one I took from home.  That one has more info. It's got the hospital, and the Dr who delivered me on it, my weight and length, my mother's occupation (housewife) and her address, and my father's occupation is listed as "peace officer", but no name. I don't know where this one came from, but it's the one my mother had. The new one just has my name, my mother's name, place of birth and a unknown for my father's name. Missouri is very basic. But the one I took has the other info.  The rest of the info is the same.  But my stepfather sure as hell wasn't a cop.  I'm stunned. My husband is too. 

Today, militia members claim to be “peace keepers.” So who knows what all that meant then.

[awaken]

19 hours ago, Temperance said:

@QuinnInND There may be other ways to find your bio father's identity.  I'd be careful about reconnecting with your relatives. Ultimately it's your decision, and I think you'll make a good one. Probably it's best to take small steps. 

As for me, I've been really emotional lately for reasons. I'm disappointed in myself that I don't have more to show for my life. I handled something badly today and I feel bad about it. 

Hugs to you. I’ve felt that way too at times and it can be just awful. I hope you feel better about it as times goes on. 
 

my fellow DC beltway commuters: the Mormon temple looked amazing this morning. They clouds around it were cool, and the sky was pink and blue. I smiled thinking some of you might have seen it too!  

Edited January 29, 2021 by awaken

[QuinnInND]

36 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

Today, militia members claim to be “peace keepers.” So who knows what all that meant then.

I'm thinking it means law enforcement. Police of some type. Hopefully. 

[QuinnInND]

22 minutes ago, awaken said:

 

my fellow DC beltway commuters: the Mormon temple looked amazing this morning. They clouds around it were cool, and the sky was pink and blue. I smiled thinking some of you might have seen it too!  

We live west of the beltway, and saw the clouds. Very pretty! 

[iwantcookies]

Pharmacy replaced my meds. All I paid was the co pay. I’m relieved.

[crazycatlady58]

Just now, iwantcookies said:

Pharmacy replaced my meds. All I paid was the co pay. I’m relieved.

Thats great!

[Absolom]

One of the best lines I've seen today: "I don't have any patience with people who live in an alternate reality."  

[QuinnInND]

12 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

Pharmacy replaced my meds. All I paid was the co pay. I’m relieved.

Wonderful!! 

[MargeGunderson]

21 minutes ago, Absolom said:

One of the best lines I've seen today: "I don't have any patience with people who live in an alternate reality."  

In an alternate reality I might have patience, but not this one!

[iwantcookies]

A few weeks ago a kitten followed me home. I feel so bad for not taking her home. 😞😞😞
 

In the summer I saw a dog abandoned at 6 am. First time I ever saw a stray dog ever. I called and made a report. Hopefully someone got the dog. It looked really sick. Was a Maltese, was shaking and was in a pool of diarrhea  and viomit. Poor baby. The owner could have at least surrendered the dog somewhere. People suck.

Edited January 29, 2021 by iwantcookies

[Zella]

@QuinnInND, I agree that "peace officer" sounds like some sort of law enforcement and would help narrow things down.

Edited January 29, 2021 by Zella

[Zella]

@QuinnInND as an addendum:

I'm wondering if the phrasing is a clue too. Perhaps his municipality used that term for officers?

Also wondering if he met your mother in a professional capacity and that was part if why it it didn't last long.

[QuinnInND]

2 minutes ago, Zella said:

@QuinnInND, I agree that "peace officer" sounds like some sort of law enforcement and would help narrow things down.

 

It would. And my mother's address might help too. 

Just now, Zella said:

@QuinnInND as an addendum:

I'm wondering if the phrasing is a clue too. Perhaps his municipality used that term for officers?

Also wondering if he met your mother in a professional capacity and that was part if why it it didn't last long.

Perhaps. I've got some info to work with now. That's important. 

[Zella]

2 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

It would. And my mother's address might help too. 

Perhaps. I've got some info to work with now. That's important. 

We're all rooting for you! :)

[SunnyBeBe]

I realize that searching for someone for which you don’t have much info may be very challenging.  I agree with those who have suggested getting assistance from a professional.  Have you ever seen the DNA Detective on tv?  She is INCREDIBLE!  She has been instrumental in tracking down people  with nothing but DNA.  She is truly talented.  She actually has a show about it.  Here’s a link about her and resources.  Just something to consider. It seems quite fascinating to me. She was also on a family tree search show, as well. 
https://thednadetectives.com/about-the-company/

 

[QuinnInND]

42 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I realize that searching for someone for which you don’t have much info may be very challenging.  I agree with those who have suggested getting assistance from a professional.  Have you ever seen the DNA Detective on tv?  She is INCREDIBLE!  She has been instrumental in tracking down people  with nothing but DNA.  She is truly talented.  She actually has a show about it.  Here’s a link about her and resources.  Just something to consider. It seems quite fascinating to me. She was also on a family tree search show, as well. 
https://thednadetectives.com/about-the-company/

 

Thank you! 

So with all this new info, I'm seriously considering having my husband read those letters and at least tell me if there's anything in them about my bio dad.  I don't know if I want to read the rest yet. Or know about it.  He's more than willing to. 

[Minivanessa]

Thanks to those who recommended the book The Glass Castle. I read it yesterday and last evening, and I'm glad I did. I'm usually a voracious reader, but lately have been having trouble getting into books. I'll get one that looks good, then I'll have trouble concentrating on it or sticking with it past the first pages. This one was the happy exception. I'm having good luck with borrowing e-books from the public library. They have also re-activated the ability to put holds on physical books, with curbside pick-up by appointment. I just put a hold on something so we will see how that goes.

I posted early yesterday morning and have realized that I failed to mention a couple of people. @ChiCricket - what a family story, and how good of you to help your sister (rather than misstate which "variety" of sister, I'll just go with that general term, lol). @Temperance, I hope you can be nice to yourself, and don't beat yourself up over things. Especially during these pandemic times when life has extra difficulties and dangers. Just keep on doing your best. 

[Jeanne222]

21 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

You're probably right that he had other children. But I have zero info. Nothing was ever said. All I know is that the asshole I grew up with wasn't my bio dad. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out someone who would know something.  My husband too.  Except for doing one of those DNA tests, which I don't really want to do. I'm thinking I'm going to be forced to. 

There is the possibility your mother doesn't know.  Just putting that out there.

I had bios name.  He and my mother divorced when I was just one.  I saw him two times in my lifetime.  Once when my mother took him to court for child support which he never paid and once when he and new wife came to town to see if I'd like to live with them!

I found a cousin on my father's side who shared all kinds of information and pictures.

I found my father's obituary.  Listed was his wife and a couple of nieces her side.  No me.

Evidently they never had children and he never acknowledged me.  I must have been his mistake!

[Jeanne222]

17 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

So if she did tell a nurse something,  nothing from there would have been on my birth certificate, right? Like if she mentioned his occupation. They would have put whatever info she gave them when they asked her for info for the birth certificate, right? Hope that made sense.  There is a Drs name in my birth certificate too. I wonder if he would remember anything after all these years. 

 

Quinn I just had a lightening struck moment!  The Private Investigator that came to your door might know something!  He had to have done research to find you!!!

If all else fails and mother and sister want to have contact with you then make knowing your birth father's name a condition of any contact with them.

Take no prisoners!  Do what YOU have to do to find YOUR truth!

[doodlebug]

6 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

Quinn I just had a lightening struck moment!  The Private Investigator that came to your door might know something!  He had to have done research to find you!!!

If all else fails and mother and sister want to have contact with you then make knowing your birth father's name a condition of any contact with them.

Take no prisoners!  Do what YOU have to do to find YOUR truth!

Since her father's name isn't on the birth certificate and Quinn's mother never told her; I doubt the PI would've needed that information to find her.  Just as Quinn cannot link herself to her father by a paper trail, a PI wouldn't be able to do it, either.  It seems there is no paper trail.  Now, if his name was on her birth certificate or it her mother had ever told her the name of her biologic father; then perhaps she also would've told the PI that and he could've used her father's information to try to find her, presuming that she went looking for her father after leaving.   I suspect that he used stuff like census records and maybe a social security number to find her.

Edited January 29, 2021 by doodlebug

[QuinnInND]

11 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

Since her father's name isn't on the birth certificate and Quinn's mother never told her; I doubt the PI would've needed that information to find her.  Just as Quinn cannot link herself to her father by a paper trail, a PI wouldn't be able to do it, either.  It seems there is no paper trail.  Now, if his name was on her birth certificate or it her mother had ever told her the name of her biologic father; then perhaps she also would've told the PI that and he could've used her father's information to try to find her, presuming that she went looking for her father after leaving.   I suspect that he used stuff like census records and maybe a social security number to find her.

I have no idea how he found me. I didn't have a social security number til after I got married. Only thing I can think of is he searched in marriage licenses from the time I left til present. Marriages are public record. It would take a while, but with the internet it's doable. All he had to go on was my name. My maiden name. 

@Jeanne222 The PI probability wouldn't tell me anything anyway, because of client confidentiality. 

Edited January 29, 2021 by QuinnInND

[NotthebadVictoria]

my favorite is when they come to my door. I have a “no soliciting” sign, so I will point to it and say, “can you read” when they say yes but..... I just say “that includes Jesus”.

They away with the face of horror and I laugh every time 😂

[QuinnInND]

1 minute ago, NotthebadVictoria said:

my favorite is when they come to my door. I have a “no soliciting” sign, so I will point to it and say, “can you read” when they say yes but..... I just say “that includes Jesus”.

They away with the face of horror and I laugh every time 😂

Or answer the door with some heavy metal music on, and start talking about The Great Satan".  😂