Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Jynnan tonnix]

I'm actually still in my nightgown since this morning....I don't suppose it's really worth getting dressed now...

 

[Catlyn]

just measured a few hours ago and its about a foot and a half. I'm in Maryland and its been coming down all day. I shovel during the day so tomorrow I don't have to move two feet of snow at once. its easier to take it in inches. It was a  nice chili night!

 

Chunky, love Mississippi Squirrel Revival and can imagine it just like you described.  Actually, would love it if it ran up Jim Boob then Michelle!

[JenCarroll]

Heh. So after I boasted here about living next door to the Fire Chief -- it turned out the accumulation was expected to be so high (and was, a it over two feet) that they made poor Rob stay at the fire station last night and today. The plow came through once, but it's been coming down hard since then and the road is not passable now. Well, Rob was expecting to be able to come home to his wife tonight, but there was some other issue going on (inter-departmental squabbling, or equipment breakdowns, or something) and we still haven't been plowed. So he's outside right now, after 10 pm, trying to clear the street with his snowblower. He really doesn't look happy!

We have had a lot of wind but haven't lost power. It seems to be pretty much done with us at this point. I hope all you folks came through okay also. ❄⛄

[pennben]

We have had a lot of wind but haven't lost power.

 

Keeping power is key.  All the best to you all in the way of this.

[Chicklet]

YAY the sun is shining and I'm the proud owner of 29.5 inches of powdery snow. And the spouse got up at 6 am to start shoveling. He's so sweet. Now after I finish a few cups of coffee (my contribution to the process so far) I'll put on 5 layers and go shovel my part. Yea I don't think I'll get to work on Tuesday which secretly thrills me.

[MargeGunderson]

Virtual hot chocolate and ibuprofen to everyone who got a lot of snow. As a survivor of last year's winter in the Boston area, I have so much sympathy for you.

[Barb23]

I turned in to CNN last night to watch a tribute on the Eagles but they were doing snow coverage instead. They went to Margate, NJ, a beach town that really got hit hard by the storm with wind damage & major flooding. They were hit hard with Hurricane Sandy & were just getting on their feet again. I feel so bad for them esp the small businesses like sub & candy shops. They depend on the summer crowds for their livelihood. Just so sad.

[Jynnan tonnix]

Only ended up with 6 or 7 inches here...bummer. We're at the top of a hill which is mostly farmland, and it seems to be windier here than elsewhere at the best of times, so when we get this sort of powdery snow a lot of it seems to blow a little downhill of us. And our driveway has some sort of weird wind pattern wherein most of the snow (at least until you get about halfway down the drive) gets blown around in eddies and settles out somewhere to the side, so where we might have 6 inches overall, and good side drifts right in front of the garage doors, most of the driveway will have maybe a couple of inches. It's quite convenient, really :)

[Love2dance]

So glad to hear from all you Small Talk East Coast friends that you are ok, and, while shoveling out, still have power. But I agree with you, BARB23, New Jersey beach towns have had to deal with way more than their share. It is so sad.

[emma675]

Y'all be careful trying to shovel all of that snow! It's hard, hard work and I don't want to hear about any heart attacks.

[zoomama]

my bff lives in baltimore in around parkville (?) and she got a crapton of snow. she lives at the cul-de-sac end of the street and there is no getting out for probably a couple days for her.

[Muffyn]

My brother is in the hospital.  My mother, aunt and I were all visiting him at the same time (I gave my aunt a ride).  We were watching the weather channel and saw the snow.  My mother starts in on this very sweet story about how she used to bundle up the four of us in our snowsuits and send us outside to play.  We would come in when we would get too cold and wet.  She would throw our wet clothes into the dryer and make us hot chocolate.  When we and our clothes were dry, we would clamber to go back outside, so she would bundle us up again and send us out.  Sounds sweet, doesn’t it?  Four little kids frolicking in the snow while their loving mother looks on with pride, prepared to care for their needs.  The problem is this never happened.  My mother treated us terribly.  She is now trying to create memories of a happy childhood that never existed.  I get points, I guess, for not calling her a liar and storming out. There is not enough “om” in the world for dealing with my family.

[Happyfatchick]

For those of you stuck inside (even if it's only long enough to debate about whether it's time to shovel...), and because someone mentioned upstream about the squirrel song (FBI Pascagoola), please follow the link. It will make you laugh and laugh, I promise. Tim spits out the lyrics really fast so you may have to listen more than once, and this will be fine with you. I was a fan, but he died 2 years ago. He's proof there's laughter in heaven.

On earth, however, I have a story. Plenty of you "liked" and/or posted comments about being inundated with sweet deliciousness in December only to be faced with ZERO deliciousness in January (and searching for a lost m&m. Here's my story. I was TRAGICALLY side-railed about suddenly finding no chocolate in this house. I did the only thing I could grasp - I ordered chocolate malt balls. (I should explain that I feel "slightly" justified in ordering these). Someone gave me a pound of wonderful ones at Christmas. I put them in the pantry (behind the speghetti sauce and peanut butter and near the canned salmon) where no one would think to look. Alas, my treasures WERE discovered and I had to share. So I ordered more. I even read an article explaining the taste tests and who makes the best ones. I didn't order the very best, very pricey ones, but a brand that made the top 10 list - how could this go wrong, right? They arrived, and I was excited to pop that first one in and wait for it to melt on my tongue. It didn't (as the good ones do...). Little waxy. Get down to the malt, which is ridiculously small. I like to suck that flat too usually - but couldn't. It stayed firm and I had to bite it. Only to find my disappointment complete. Not good. Not good at all. Oh, I was so disappointed. Boooooo!!!!!!

So I did what any self respecting 5th generation georgia girl would do: I ate them. All of them. I fussed, I griped, I complained, I left notes in the comments section, all while having just one more. And one more. It took me three nights, and plenty of vocabulary words but I got'er DONE. I. Ate. Them. All.

The whole bag.

Dang it.

[Love2dance]

My brother is in the hospital.  My mother, aunt and I were all visiting him at the same time (I gave my aunt a ride).  We were watching the weather channel and saw the snow.  My mother starts in on this very sweet story about how she used to bundle up the four of us in our snowsuits and send us outside to play.  We would come in when we would get too cold and wet.  She would throw our wet clothes into the dryer and make us hot chocolate.  When we and our clothes were dry, we would clamber to go back outside, so she would bundle us up again and send us out.  Sounds sweet, doesn’t it?  Four little kids frolicking in the snow while their loving mother looks on with pride, prepared to care for their needs.  The problem is this never happened.  My mother treated us terribly.  She is now trying to create memories of a happy childhood that never existed.  I get points, I guess, for not calling her a liar and storming out. There is not enough “om” in the world for dealing with my family.

Oh MUFFYN, I am so very sorry. You do get points and I really hope that others in your life have brought you the love and the comfort you deserve. Sending wishes that your brother will be OK.

[Love2dance]

They arrived, and I was excited to pop that first one in and wait for it to melt on my tongue. It didn't (as the good ones do...). Little waxy. Get down to the malt, which is ridiculously small. I like to suck that flat too usually - but couldn't. It stayed firm and I had to bite it. Only to find my disappointment complete. Not good. Not good at all. Oh, I was so disappointed. Boooooo!!!!!!

So I did what any self respecting 5th generation georgia girl would do: I ate them. All of them. I fussed, I griped, I complained, I left notes in the comments section, all while having just one more. And one more. It took me three nights, and plenty of vocabulary words but I got'er DONE. I. Ate. Them. All.

The whole bag.

Dang it.

Thank you HAPPYFATCHICK for that. I needed a good laugh and you provided it. (And you just know, if you had hidden THAT bag, no one would have found it.)

[Barb23]

Oh MUFFYN, I am so very sorry. You do get points and I really hope that others in your life have brought you the love and the comfort you deserve. Sending wishes that your brother will be OK.

 

I'm seconding this.

 

[Happyfatchick]

Muffyn, I was so full of my malted milk ball story I neglected to comment on this, and truly meant to. First, I hope your brother is much better and able to go home soon.

One thing I really really hate is to "one-up" a fellow poster. Or more to the point, turn their issue back to me somehow. But Muff, I'm calling for a mulligan on this one - it resounded so much in light of our current events, I MUST share this with you!!!

My mom and my aunt were polar opposites. Raised in the same poor area, by the same tough as nails parents, same church, same friends, same school, same neighbors. Opposites, I say!!! My mom was funny and quick witted, always pranking people, always saw humor in EVERYTHING. Loved children (babies, fostered many and helped many more). Loved old people - made her rounds every single week to go see the elderly people unable to leave their homes - at the same time we had taken on my grandmother to live with us, and Granny was a plethora of health issues. The AUNT, however, (not to slander the dead...) was not a fun girl. Tight as a drum, selfish, self centered, bossy, bitchy, high strung, whiny to the point most people ignored her complaints because there was no separating the "real deal" - and she HAD real issues. She had 4 children who were completely self sufficient somewhere around the age of 5. (She made me think of some feral animal who drops their young and walks off, leaving them to fend for themselves). As we were all growing up - the cousins being roughly the same ages - they would say to me how jealous they were that I landed with the "good" sister. [their father was a nut, so there was "some" leveling of the playing field].

One year, my cousin and I were shopping for Mother's Day cards at the same time. We'd read them, put them back, choose another, read it and put it back. She finally looks at me in frustration, and says "I just am not seeing one that says 'FU very much'." She ended up with one that said "happy Mother's Day" with no elaboration. This cousin - genetically - is JUST LIKE ME. She looks like me, talks like me, finishes my sentences. We could easily be sisters (and at her mother's funeral, many people thought we were!)

And fast forward to the funeral, I was embarrassed and humiliated for them - they FOUGHT about who was going to stand up there and say something nice about her. It was still raw then... They couldn't find anyone with something NICE to say!!! Later, I noticed that they'd become more charitable with their mom memories over time and are able to joke more fondly about her idiosyncrasies and her parenting styles... And now (many years later) she seems (in the retelling) fairly normal.

I went home from her funeral that very day and wrote a letter to my own mom (who wasn't quite so squarely cray cray just yet). About what I had gotten from her as a parent, how so many of our mannerisms and points of view are the same. How precious she was (is) to me. About how many lives she'd impacted over the years just being herself, and how insanely grateful I was to have her for my own. I'm thankful right now, this minute, that she raised me.

All that to say this, Muffyn - I didn't write all this about my MOM to say haha, I did better than you - after all, that's a serious crap shoot. I wrote this to say I fully, completely understand how difficult it is to grow up with the "other kinda mother". It's hard for you as a kid, it's hard as an adult, it's hard for many years after they're gone. All you really have is the chance to learn from the negative impact and choose to take a different path. Those mothers are a different breed of cat for sure. You learn something positive from the negative impact and hold onto that. Hopefully, your situation isn't as bad as ours. The hand you're dealt, right???

There's a sister to the cousin who's much like me. She's abrasive and mouthy and bitchy and scary and believes all the rays of the universe DO, in fact, originate from her wishes (Maleficent???). I don't like to be in the same county, much less the same room. She's pointy and shoots poison darts. She makes me want to hide. She's JUST LIKE her mother, but is mortally offended if that is mentioned. At least SHE has the grace to say she doesn't expect a funeral. She says no one would come, and nobody could say anything nice. How sad. She's right.

[burlsa]

I have excellent news on my health front that I wanted to share with you all. I saw the rheumatologist today. I was diagnosed with Raynauds Syndrome and Connective Tissue Disease. The PA said based on my symptoms and physical examination, I could be diagnosed with "negative rheumatoid arthritis". Pretty much my blood work looks negative but everything else is positive. They're starting me on plaquenil. The doctor was not happy that my PCP let me go so long without any treatment. He said it's going to take a long time for me to feel okay. But I'm just thrilled to have a diagnosis!

Muffyn, my thoughts are with you and your brother! I hope he is okay. Family stuff is never fun to deal with.

[crazycatlady58]

I have excellent news on my health front that I wanted to share with you all. I saw the rheumatologist today. I was diagnosed with Raynauds Syndrome and Connective Tissue Disease. The PA said based on my symptoms and physical examination, I could be diagnosed with "negative rheumatoid arthritis". Pretty much my blood work looks negative but everything else is positive. They're starting me on plaquenil. The doctor was not happy that my PCP let me go so long without any treatment. He said it's going to take a long time for me to feel okay. But I'm just thrilled to have a diagnosis!

Muffyn, my thoughts are with you and your brother! I hope he is okay. Family stuff is never fun to deal with.

I am happy that you know what you are dealing with in regards to your health. It may take a while but you should get better.

[Readalot]

Burlsa, a weight must be off your shoulders. I'm glad you found the right dr. Looking forward to when you update us the medication is working and you are feeling better! - muffyn I hope your brother recovers soon. Looking forward to good news about his health.

[bigskygirl]

muffin, I hope your brother gets better soon. Glad you are finally getting answers and the right diagnoses Burlsa, and I hope you will feel better soon too.

 

I went to the dentist this morning. I was lucky to get in since I thought I would have to wait until early March. I want to strangle the quack doctor in Great Falls (yes, I am sorry for sounding like a broken record.) It looks like the radiation did some damage to my jaw area. The  dentist asked me if I was told about any possible problems at a later date related to the radiation part of the treatment. I said no, the doctor said have the treatment, and you will feel better. GRRRR!!! I am not a happy camper right now. No mention of side effects from the radiation or the thyroid med. Now I have GERD, sleep apnea, swallowing issues, eye damage/light sensitivity, chest pain/pressure/palpations, strong sensitivity to smells/allergies related problems, and jaw pain/ear aches/headaches. The dentist had more common sense, a better bedside manner, and more knowledge about what was going on thyroid wise than a certain doctor who shall remain nameless. I will go in for four (yes four teeth and gum cleanings and a new filling in a tooth with a rotting filling and leaking something from the filling (yuck.) The filling was done in the 1970's. He also gave me a couple of jaw exercises and suggestions of using heat to help with the pain. Right now I am not looking at a mouth guard. He wants to make sure it does not interfere with the CPAP machine mask, and the clinic does not make mouth guards at the time. It was fun getting the x-rays since my mouth is small. Yes, I have a small mouth. Ha!!! I really like the dentist and the staff. It is so nice to finally figure out what is going on and what is causing the problems. Not looking forward tomorrow afternoon with the first part of the cleaning especially the mouth numbing part.

[crazycatlady58]

muffin, I hope your brother gets better soon. Glad you are finally getting answers and the right diagnoses Burlsa, and I hope you will feel better soon too.

I went to the dentist this morning. I was lucky to get in since I thought I would have to wait until early March. I want to strangle the quack doctor in Great Falls (yes, I am sorry for sounding like a broken record.) It looks like the radiation did some damage to my jaw area. The dentist asked me if I was told about any possible problems at a later date related to the radiation part of the treatment. I said no, the doctor said have the treatment, and you will feel better. GRRRR!!! I am not a happy camper right now. No mention of side effects from the radiation or the thyroid med. Now I have GERD, sleep apnea, swallowing issues, eye damage/light sensitivity, chest pain/pressure/palpations, strong sensitivity to smells/allergies related problems, and jaw pain/ear aches/headaches. The dentist had more common sense, a better bedside manner, and more knowledge about what was going on thyroid wise than a certain a$$hole doctor who shall remain nameless. I will go in for four (yes four teeth and gum cleanings and a new filling in a tooth with a rotting filling and leaking something from the filling (yuck.) The filling was done in the 1970's. He also gave me a couple of jaw exercises and suggestions of using heat to help with the pain. Right now I am not looking at a mouth guard. He wants to make sure it does not interfere with the CPAP machine mask, and the clinic does not make mouth guards at the time. It was fun getting the x-rays since my mouth is small. Yes, I have a small mouth. Ha!!! I really like the dentist and the staff. It is so nice to finally figure out what is going on and what is causing the problems. Not looking forward tomorrow afternoon with the first part of the cleaning especially the mouth numbing part.

For the denist visit, see if he will use " laughing gas". It makes the treatment better.

[lookeyloo]

I have excellent news on my health front that I wanted to share with you all. I saw the rheumatologist today. I was diagnosed with Raynauds Syndrome and Connective Tissue Disease. The PA said based on my symptoms and physical examination, I could be diagnosed with "negative rheumatoid arthritis". Pretty much my blood work looks negative but everything else is positive. They're starting me on plaquenil. The doctor was not happy that my PCP let me go so long without any treatment. He said it's going to take a long time for me to feel okay. But I'm just thrilled to have a diagnosis!

Muffyn, my thoughts are with you and your brother! I hope he is okay. Family stuff is never fun to deal with.

Burlsa - very encouraging indeed! Thanks for letting us know.

Muffyn - wishing you some ease with the family stuff. Hope your brother is healing

muffin, I hope your brother gets better soon. Glad you are finally getting answers and the right diagnoses Burlsa, and I hope you will feel better soon too.

 

I went to the dentist this morning. I was lucky to get in since I thought I would have to wait until early March. I want to strangle the quack doctor in Great Falls (yes, I am sorry for sounding like a broken record.) It looks like the radiation did some damage to my jaw area. The  dentist asked me if I was told about any possible problems at a later date related to the radiation part of the treatment. I said no, the doctor said have the treatment, and you will feel better. GRRRR!!! I am not a happy camper right now. No mention of side effects from the radiation or the thyroid med. Now I have GERD, sleep apnea, swallowing issues, eye damage/light sensitivity, chest pain/pressure/palpations, strong sensitivity to smells/allergies related problems, and jaw pain/ear aches/headaches. The dentist had more common sense, a better bedside manner, and more knowledge about what was going on thyroid wise than a certain a$$hole doctor who shall remain nameless. I will go in for four (yes four teeth and gum cleanings and a new filling in a tooth with a rotting filling and leaking something from the filling (yuck.) The filling was done in the 1970's. He also gave me a couple of jaw exercises and suggestions of using heat to help with the pain. Right now I am not looking at a mouth guard. He wants to make sure it does not interfere with the CPAP machine mask, and the clinic does not make mouth guards at the time. It was fun getting the x-rays since my mouth is small. Yes, I have a small mouth. Ha!!! I really like the dentist and the staff. It is so nice to finally figure out what is going on and what is causing the problems. Not looking forward tomorrow afternoon with the first part of the cleaning especially the mouth numbing part.

So glad you found someone with knowledge, bedside manner and ideas for healing. Why does it have to be so hard?

[GeeGolly]

Warm & fuzzy thoughts to you Muffyn, and YAY to both burlsa & bigsky.

[Love2dance]

BURLSA and CRAZYCATLADY, so glad you are finally finding answers from doctors and dentist willing to take time and really provide you with help. Here's to a better New Year for you both!

[NikSac]

My brother is in the hospital.  My mother, aunt and I were all visiting him at the same time (I gave my aunt a ride).  We were watching the weather channel and saw the snow.  My mother starts in on this very sweet story about how she used to bundle up the four of us in our snowsuits and send us outside to play.  We would come in when we would get too cold and wet.  She would throw our wet clothes into the dryer and make us hot chocolate.  When we and our clothes were dry, we would clamber to go back outside, so she would bundle us up again and send us out.  Sounds sweet, doesn’t it?  Four little kids frolicking in the snow while their loving mother looks on with pride, prepared to care for their needs.  The problem is this never happened.  My mother treated us terribly.  She is now trying to create memories of a happy childhood that never existed.  I get points, I guess, for not calling her a liar and storming out. There is not enough “om” in the world for dealing with my family.

 

Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear  he's in the hospital.

 

I wonder where she got the story?  I've seen it circulated almost verbatim on FB for a few days now as a nostalgia thing. Weird.

 

I hope your brother's better soon.

[Chicklet]

I have some experience with older people making up stories. My grandmother made up this whole alternate universe where she never did anything that everyone knew she had done (we had all seen it). My mother, on the other hand, forgets all the stuff she did that drove me up the wall and gets angry with me for remembering it because I don't let her get away with that. I'm shameless that way especially when her story paints me in a bad light and her in the best light. Call me crazy but I like the truth. Er...other than when it comes to "who ate the last piece of chocolate". Then I saw nothing at all.

[momofsquid]

My mother-in-law rewrites her life too. She devotes all her time to the grandchildren on the other side of the family and barely knows our kids, largely because her charming daughter would give her hell if she gave our kids equal time. But when we are together, once or twice a year, she spins tales of how very, very close she is to our kids and talks about all the wonderful experiences they've had together. My kids are more than old enough to know it's all BS but I think she manages to convince herself. I suspect she has huge regrets and has developed the ability to rewrite history in her own mind. Yes, it ticks me off, by the way. 

[bigskygirl]

My mother does the same thing. I think it makes her look like Mother of the Year material in her mind. 

 

My dental appointment was canceled because the hygienist will be out of the office. Going to be fun having the cleanings on 2/18, 2/24, 2/25, and 3/3. The last cleaning will also include the one filling. It could be a lot worse. The dentist could have said we need to pull your wisdom teeth out or you will need extensive jaw work. My wisdom teeth came in while I still had braces on over thirty years ago. I also get a little nervous when I see a dentist because of my fear they will need to be pulled. If you do not hear from me after February 18th, you know why. Just joking!

[NewDigs]

So glad that many are finding some relief. And so sorry for others' difficulties. Hope all find some peace.

If anyone is looking for a distraction Harriet the eagle hatched her first egg/eaglet this morning!

I be hyp-no-tized.

[BrianJ62]

I'm finally back in my apartment for the first time since 12/24. My bil has progressed enough since returning home from the hospital and a rehab facility after his heart attack and bypass surgery.

[lookeyloo]

I'm finally back in my apartment for the first time since 12/24. My bil has progressed enough since returning home from the hospital and a rehab facility after his heart attack and bypass surgery.

Welcome home Brian. Glad you are back.

[Love2dance]

I'm finally back in my apartment for the first time since 12/24. My bil has progressed enough since returning home from the hospital and a rehab facility after his heart attack and bypass surgery.

Welcome back, Brian. Missed you. Hope your brother continues back to health. Rehab and a change of diet have worked wonders for family and friends of mine who had bypass surgeries. Even quadruples. You are a good bil.

[Micks Picks]

Brian I'm sure your sister appreciates the help.  You've been gathering grace.

[MargeGunderson]

Brian I'm sure your sister appreciates the help.  You've been gathering grace.

Micks Picks, what a lovely turn of phrase! I will purpose to use that, and be grateful that I am able to.

 

Speaking of mothers, I have heard the same re-writing of history stories from my other friends, so apparently it is a thing among mothers. The other phenomenon that my friends and I have noticed is now that we are well in to adulthood (mid 30s and 40s) is that our mothers seem to have the mindset that it's now our turn to cater to their every need and whim. Like we owe it to them for raising us and now payback is a bitch. One example - I should visit whenever it suits them and their retirement schedule (ie not busy 52 weeks a year). There is a week that they want to visit my other sibling and I should just be there, regardless of how inconvenient or expensive. And then they wonder why I don't visit more often (see: inconvenient and expensive). My poor brother and sister-in-law now have both of my parents (long divorced) living near him (one with him). As far as I'm concerned, my brother gets any inheritance coming to me for putting up with them.

Edited January 27, 2016 by MargeGunderson

[lookeyloo]

Micks Picks, what a lovely turn of phrase! I will purpose to use that, and be grateful that I am able to.

 

Speaking of mothers, I have heard the same re-writing of history stories from my other friends, so apparently it is a thing among mothers. The other phenomenon that my friends and I have noticed is now that we are well in to adulthood (mid 30s and 40s) is that our mothers seem to have the mindset that it's now our turn to cater to their every need and whim. Like we owe it to them for raising us and now payback is a bitch. One example - I should visit whenever it suits them and their retirement schedule (ie not busy 52 weeks a year). There is a week that they want to visit my other sibling and I should just be there, regardless of how inconvenient or expensive. And then they wonder why I don't visit more often (see: inconvenient and expensive). My poor brother and sister-in-law now have both of my parents (long divorced) living near him (one with him). As far as I'm concerned, my brother gets any inheritance coming to me for putting up with them.

so interesting.  I am the mother of two grown sons.  Moved closer to one of them.  Other one has nose out of joint.  Both of them want us for same dates sometimes.  Always a commotion.  There are times I feel like they are doing the Smothers Brothers (Mom always liked you best!")  I don't have any kind of power over them, nor would I want any.  And when they start pulling the commotion, Mr. Lookeyloo and I do what we want and so far they have gotten over it.

[Barb23]

Welcome back Brian. We missed you.

[Lemur]

Speaking of mothers, I have heard the same re-writing of history stories from my other friends, so apparently it is a thing among mothers. The other phenomenon that my friends and I have noticed is now that we are well in to adulthood (mid 30s and 40s) is that our mothers seem to have the mindset that it's now our turn to cater to their every need and whim. Like we owe it to them for raising us and now payback is a bitch. One example - I should visit whenever it suits them and their retirement schedule (ie not busy 52 weeks a year). There is a week that they want to visit my other sibling and I should just be there, regardless of how inconvenient or expensive. And then they wonder why I don't visit more often (see: inconvenient and expensive). My poor brother and sister-in-law now have both of my parents (long divorced) living near him (one with him). As far as I'm concerned, my brother gets any inheritance coming to me for putting up with them.

 

Well, I can tell you this.  There was a time when that was the deal - your parents raised you, you took care of them in their old age.  It kinda sort of went out the window with the coming of the Nuclear Family, but since it's becoming harder and harder to maintain a Nuclear Family, with the re-emergence of multi-generational households and kids leaving home later and later if at all, some of this is creeping back in.  

 

Or, you could be in the situation I'm in, where my sister and I bought a house together about ten years ago and where happily co-existing in it.  Then my father passed away and my mother couldn't afford to keep their house so she moved in with us and put it on the market (at the very depths of the housing market, of course).  I think if I was home and coherent more than 4-6 hours a day this would probably bother me more than it does.  But it's been an interesting experience to say the least.  Between my mother and my sister (who had a TBI from a coma she was in 3 years ago), we've had some interesting times.  

 

so interesting.  I am the mother of two grown sons.  Moved closer to one of them.  Other one has nose out of joint.  Both of them want us for same dates sometimes.  Always a commotion.  There are times I feel like they are doing the Smothers Brothers (Mom always liked you best!")  I don't have any kind of power over them, nor would I want any.  And when they start pulling the commotion, Mr. Lookeyloo and I do what we want and so far they have gotten over it.

 

Yup, we have this with my brother.  Except it's a bit more complicated.  My brother and his wife only want my mother or us around on the holidays or if they need something, like child care, and they've exhausted all possible alternatives.  So it's not so much the Smothers Brothers, more Poor Relations in a Henry James Novel, in that they trot us out on holidays to prove we exist while waiting for us to die in a tragic carriage accident so they don't have to really deal with us.  Combine this with my sister hating my brother, his wife, and her family (I can get kinda on board with the latter two), and my sister-in-law having some weird, unresolved and inscrutable issues with my mother and we're just one happy bunch in my world.  I've lived at the beach in NJ for 15 years.  My brother has been to my house exactly five times, three of them were to pick up my mother (who doesn't drive on highways), once was to move, and once was when my sister was sworn-in as mayor.  But hey, you know, I can drop everything in my life to cater to him, because I'm the spinster aunt with no life because I have no kids.

[lookeyloo]

Let me add in that the sons are very close.  They talk to each other all the time.  They bicker.  They used to call me to tell me "do you know what he said?"  And I would be in a wad and they would get over it.  I told both of them not to call me with that kind of information, just to solve it. They are close in age but very different.  

[kalamac]

This Zika virus is scary stuff indeed. Jill really shouldn't be in El Salvador with her messed up belief system. 

 

I wonder how the other women there will look at her. Honestly, she should leave. She has the means and the ability to. I bet a lot of pregnant women in El Salvador wish they could just take off and leave to be safe® from the virus. 

 

Slightly O/t but isn't El Salvador heavily Catholic? How will the church handle the government's caution to women to avoid getting pregnant?

Bringing this over here: I read yesterday at huffpo that the Churches stance is still anti-contraceptive, and the leaders of the country are refusing to consider changing their abortion laws, which right now can see a woman jailed for murder, even for an abortion that would be considered medically necessary.

(Not looking to start an abortion debate, just stating the facts of that country's laws).

[MarysWetBar]

Let me add in that the sons are very close. They talk to each other all the time. They bicker. They used to call me to tell me "do you know what he said?" And I would be in a wad and they would get over it. I told both of them not to call me with that kind of information, just to solve it. They are close in age but very different.

My mom was so bad for telling me things my brother had done or said to her and then doing the same thing in reverse. We would be angry with each other a lot due to listening to her. Sadly, once she died we never had another issue with each other as the triangulation had ceased.

I don't blame her. .i think it was her way of manipulating us. .almost like a constant life long sporting event.

I try SO SO hard to make sure I don't do this with my own boys.

Reading about everyone's family dynamics is interesting to me.

[Happyfatchick]

Apparently, my family (the whole thing) was absent on The New Nuclear Age Family planning day. We all live within a 3 mile radius (except the renegade daughter in Nicaragua). I never have a day - not one single day - without someone dropping in. It's ok, I'm used to it. But dang, it makes it really hard to get a sordid affair off the ground, right??? (JK!!!)

Update on Mama: resting comfortably, still taking on some nutrition and water voluntarily. Only soft foods. Too sick to live; not sick enough to die. Limbo. But she's comfortable and mostly calm and restful. Every single part of her progression through this disease has been very, very slow. It'll be 13 years next month when her symptomS first became recognizable. I had my relatively lightweight piano brought over and put in her room. I play old hymns for an hour or so almost every day, and she seems to enjoy that.

Malted Milk Balls Part II

APPARENTLY, my subconscious was far, far more concerned about the milk ball crisis than I realized. Yesterday, I received this great big package in the mail. Mailbox was stuffed full when the hubs checked it. I saw the package on the counter and wondered what it was. Wasn't expecting a package. I open it to find FOUR POUNDS of malted milk balls. FOUR POUNDS!!!

THAT, my friends, is an AMBIEN moment.

ETA: Believe it or not, it could be worse. My husband's family all lives in the same town closer to middle Georgia. I won the coin toss that day!!!1. [Talk about some CRAZY BICKERING.....OMG!!!!]. They manage to make MY family (except for Nicaragua) look so TAME in comparison!

Edited January 28, 2016 by Happyfatchick

[Love2dance]

HAPPYFATCHICK, I'm confused. Did you order the malted milk balls or did some feeling guilty family member order them for you? Either way, major win. I would LOVE to go to my mailbox and find 4 pounds of M&M peanut candy. Heaven.

Glad your mom is comfortable. How lovely that you are playing music for her. You are an amazing daughter.

ETA: Ohhhh. Now I get it....thanks WILSIE..Ambian side effect, of course. Duh.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Love2dance

[wilsie]

I agree with Love2dance, Happyfatchick, that you are an amazing daughter.  What a beautiful and loving gift you're giving your mom!  It also sounds like you've had one of the best side effects of Ambien, 4 lbs of your favorite malted milks balls! 

[Westiepeach]

HFC ~ were they the "good" malted milk balls or the "waxy" ones?

 

Dang ~ now I have a taste for "good" malted milk balls!

[Happyfatchick]

Unfortunately, I have several "Ambien" stories - nothing painful so far.  One morning I got up, and there was this gigantic mess in the kitchen because SOMEBODY had made breakfast.  Including a grill with egg residue all over it and down in the grease catcher.  I was LIVID.  (I don't eat eggs, therefore I DO NOT cook them in the middle of the night).  This had "drunk breakfast party" written all over it.  Arms aflappin', eyes arollin', I was having a regular HISSY fit!!!  "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LEFT THIS MESS FOR MEEEEEEEE TO CLEAN UP.  I didn't, says the hubster.  (There was only the 2 of us at home by then... so...).  "Yeah, RIGHT!!!  Then WHO DID????"  Big happy grin from hubs:  YOU did.

 

I didn't.

You DID.

I did NOT.

No, you DID.  You made ME breakfast last night.  At 2:00 in the morning.

 

Westie, they are the good ones - and I'm a certified chocoholic, but I can't even face them today.  I gave my daughter a quart size Baggie full last night, and hubs and the grandson have been pecking away at them all day and there's STILL a giant bag of milk balls on my counter.  I'm sure it seemed like a really good idea at the time (justified, anyway).  This bag was as big as a 5 lb bag of sugar.  I sent a pic of it to my best bud last night - he sent me back a pic of a pig.  We also spent time last night trying to figure out who has a birthday coming up...

 

I digress because I came to say something completely different.  I was at mama's this morning, playing the piano, and heard her stirring behind me.  I went to see if she was agitated from the playing (hey, I have that affect on people sometimes...).  She was alert (talking all cray cray and not making a bit of sense, but AWAKE).  Because she was SO alert, I said, "Mama, do you think you can sit up?"  (She's been flat on her back for a solid month, most of the time with her eyes closed and looking like she's in a coma).  "Sure!" she says, "I can sit up!"  And she DID!  I swung her legs off the bed and had her hold onto me and pulled her to a sitting position.  She SAT UP.  I made her sit up once before, but she was a rag doll.  No strength to perform a "sit" at all.  This time, she sat up and rubbed her face, swung her legs a like a child at the kitchen table.  I backed up a step and she continued to sit by herself. 

 

So I got braver and asked her if she thought she could stand.  "Sure!" she agrees.

 

We eased off the bed and she held onto me for dear life, but she STOOD!!!  She put her FEET ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!!   Just for a few precious seconds, but she was definitely per-pin-dic-u-lar.  I know that's no big deal for anybody but me, but if I hadn't been holding on to her so tight, I would have been doing the happy dance all over the room!  She was exhausted when she lay back down.  I wanted to call my local news station!   Poor baby, her legs are just sticks - no muscle tone at all.  I should have been working her legs, but I really, truly thought she was never getting up again.  If I hadn't been there, I probably wouldn't have believed it. 

 

So there you have it!  Good good day!

[kokapetl]

I went to work one day on zolpidem/stilnox/ambien. I spent the entire day saying I felt like I had just arrived.

Nothing since has compared.

[Barb23]

Oh Happy, that is so wonderful news about your Mama. I would say you had a GREAT day!

[Happyfatchick]

I went to work one day on zolpidem/stilnox/ambien. I spent the entire day saying I felt like I had just arrived.

Nothing since has compared.

And you "just arrive" all day. 

 

I took my Ambien once thinking it was my blood pressure med.  I figured it out before I left home, and then spent who-knows-how-long trying to explain to a church secretary how to run payroll for a daycare on the accounting software.  When I woke up several hours later, I knew her payroll was late and panic-called.  I apologized like crazy and then said, "All right, lets walk through payroll".  She snorted and said, "I already did it.  You explained it step by step before you started snoring with the phone under your chin".  I had ZERO memory of walking her through that.

[bigskygirl]

My primary doctor wanted to put me on a sleeping aid med. I turned her down because I was afraid of the weird side effects. Plus the fact a sleep aid and sleep apnea is not a good mix.

 

Sometimes my husband would wake up in the morning and ask me if it was evening instead of morning because he thought he was late for work (graveyard shift 10:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m.) I would tell him it was morning. I do not know if he was dreaming, but it made me nervous. Luckily, he has not done this for awhile.