Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Micks Picks]

Tabby I know how you feel about not wanting anything.  When my house burned and I stood there with the clothes I had on, car keys, and absolutely nothing else including no id or money, I felt…FREE.  Now I have stuff again and it's hateful.

[Tabbygirl521]

Tabby I know how you feel about not wanting anything. When my house burned and I stood there with the clothes I had on, car keys, and absolutely nothing else including no id or money, I felt…FREE. Now I have stuff again and it's hateful.

You know - I get that. I really do.

[Wellfleet]

My son invited me as his guest to his Xmas party last night. When he asked me, I said "don't you want to take one of your girlfriends instead? " I was confused..lol

He just laughed it off and said I deserved the fancy meal and night out for years of putting up with his shit..and downplayed it.

My son works as an art therapist for a non profit organization that fosters children from infants to teens in a transitional home environment. Some of these kids have had awful experiences that i cannot even bear to think about too long. This son is an artist. .got his degree in fine arts. .listened to everyone tell him it was a useless degree that he could basically wipe his ass with and would never get him anywhere. I kept encouraging him that the paper was transferable. Keep going. Get it. So fast forward to last night, which was quite honestly the nicest xmas party i have ever attended. Held in a ballroom of a hotel, Xmas decor, AMAZING meal. I am sitting there and they are giving out the staff awards and recognitions and they call my son up, and he assumes it is just a standard certificate of thanks, a box of chocolates, yada yada.

Well, the administrator starts telling the story of this twelve year old boy who has been in fifty four foster homes in his short life. ADHD, fetal alcohol syndrome, rage issues. This was one hurt broken child. Apparently, they asked my son if he would work one to one full-time with this boy back in September and he accepted.

Since then, said boy is now attending school every single day ( with my son), has gotten very interested in Parkour, has become more focused, less angry, and reduced his therapy visits to once per month from six times per month.

He has opened up to the point where he asked if he will be able to"stay" there until he is grown He has stopped running away to look for his mother. (Drug addicted prostitute)

My son was not expecting this honour and i could tell he was shocked at the podium.

Note I'm already sniffling and so proud i could die at that very moment already...but what does my kid say? ??

Paraphrasing :

"I am so honoured to be acknowledged tonight but i have to give the credit to my Mom, sitting there in red. She raised us to always see light in the darkest places and would show us tiny flowers pushing through cracks in cement and weeds on our daily afternoon walks as children. She has never thrown anyone away, and there have been a few she should have, likely. It wasn't until I took this position that I truly understood the sacrifices that great parents make for their children. I was making lunch one day and carefully thought out a healthy balanced meal for Jacob.Spent an hour preparing and making it just right for his tastes. He came in, looked at it, and said..can't I just have a hot dog?

I felt so crushed in that moment but have since flashed back to the many times my working mother rushed in the door and immediately started cooking for me and my brother and how snotty we were at times at her menu choices.

Well now I understand her struggles and also understand the the forgiving grace involved in shaping a child into adulthood. Anything positive i have accomplished with Jacob is due to my Mother's lessons to me. I hope i can share those with many more children that come under my care in the future. "

So, I tell you what. .next to the births of my kids. .that was quite simply the best moment of my life so far. I have sons. You don't hear any of that stuff usually.

It truly made all the struggles i endured raising them go away instantly.

Oh my..I am walking on a cloud today.

Life is so incredibly good.

TLDR: My kid got an award and i cried.

 

Congratulations to you both, Marys. How wonderful that your son is making such a profound difference in Jacob's life - that poor kid. All the crappy things that have happened to him in his short life - and none of them his fault either. Who knows what he might become in the future? Whenever I read stories like this one, I realize how very very fortunate I was to be born into my family. We didn't have a lot growing up - no vacation trips or new bikes or music lessons etc. But we had all the basics, thanks to my very hard-working parents. And most importantly, we had parents that loved and cared about us. And when you grow up, you always recognize how unimportant vacations and new bikes were anyway. Congrats again - you truly sound like you're floating on air! 

Edited December 13, 2015 by Wellfleet

[GeeGolly]

We have scaled back our gift giving since the dreaded storm. I know what you mean Micks. Material stuff has a different meaning beyond the basics of what is a necessity. With the kids being adults and no grandchildren yet, the commercialism of Christmas rubs me the wrong way.

[lookeyloo]

MarysWetBar, that was just wonderful!  What an amazing validation!

 

RedPonyDriver, I'm keeping you in my prayers.

 

Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone.  My husband keeps doling out the pain a little at a time.  He says he'll go to counseling if I set it up, but his mind is made up.  I upset him because I told him I've never know him to leave a relationship if he didn't already have the replacement lined up, but he forgets how long I've known him and what I know about him.  He's unhappy because I looked at his cell phone records online.  His usage has more than tripled since August, and he has literally hours of conversations with two numbers (both of which belong to women).  He doesn't know I know their names.  Oh, well, cell phone bill is in my name.  He absolutely would not tell me anything about these phone calls.  I assumed it was one person, but it's two.  He says it has nothing to do with what's going on between us.  Tonight he went to sleep at his sister's house and left his key to our apartment on the table.  Yesterday he took off his wedding ring.  I just feel sick and hurt and worthless, and I'm dreading Christmas.  I asked what we were doing about Christmas, and he told me he's going to his brother's house.  I'll be here alone, which is okay because I don't think i want to be with anyone else.

 

Enough about me.  What's everyone hoping to get for Christmas?

Magpye - your situation sounds so familiar to me. Please call a counselor. He is over the marriage. The only person's behavior you can control is yours. My ex told the counselor the one time he went under duress was that he didn't want to open the "pandora's box" of issues in our marriage and was moving on. I sobbed and sobbed. Next counselor visit and we worked on me and I slowly came to terms with the situation. We had just moved to a new state and I was very alone except for my two young children.

Plan something totally different for Christmas. Go to a movie if possible. Take a ride. It is miserable any time of year, trust me on that one. And we will be here for you.

And PS that was a terrible time in my life and I had no expectations of any kind of future. Several years later when I was finally content with my life and wasn't looking for anyone Mr lookeyloo came into my life. But I was fine by myself.

[Chicklet]

I know some people have complained about people putting their issues out in the open here but thank you all who have- good and bad, it really helps to self-correct my own little pity party. All I had to deal with was my mother's disapproval at my being sick during my Thanksgiving visit. Sure I flew to Denver with bronchitis, got a head cold from flying, then got a GI bug the day before Thanksgiving and she was pissed off that it wasn't a Hallmark family visit. Pfft.

So I have to look at my issues and realize we are all people and we can learn a lot from each other. So thanks.

 

And I have a suggestion for the homework issue- look at Khan Academy- they have lots of homework help online.

Edited December 13, 2015 by Chicklet

[Chicklet]

Aw thanks Suz, I do feel pretty good now. But perspective is always welcome and this place kind of grounds me since I hear good and bad and it's not my work people who send me around the bend with whining.

Plainly stating your challenges and issues is good since we have all been through, or know people who have been through the same issues.

And the happy stuff is great. Why no that's not a tear you see after reading Mary's story. Something in my eye.

[MarysWetBar]

Perspective is the best word to use actually,cus nothing is going right in any other part of my life at the moment, and I have made a conscious decision to put it all on the back burner until the new year!

I think the reason this is such a great group is that one day someone shares a nice story, but the next day, someone is struggling with health or career or personal issues. Same support for all issues and those with past experience or similar history jump right in to help.

Magpye I am so very sorry you are going through this right now. I'm glad you told the theatre folks what was going on for you. It's not something to be ashamed of. It's life and shit happens. I remember back when i left my first husband who i had been married to for almost twenty years, my mom said "I told you it wouldn't last." For some reason, that made me laugh and stopped the sadness. It was a ridiculous statement. We had two sons, had done our best, but i wasn't prepared to live the rest of my life feeling like i did. Sometimes we don't see the why's until many years later but it does happen. It will for you too. Take care of yourself.

[Happyfatchick]

Magpye, I do hate that it's this time of year when you're struggling the most. I'm not very analytical - certainly no counselor. But I've been in and out of a few major relationships and apparently, those Hallmark moments don't exist. I too have issues letting go of relationships (even bad ones, unfortunately). I tend to stick with them long after the fat lady has sung and gone off to bed. Hopeless, awful relationships - and I MUST make this work!!! I just hate, loathe and despise the part where you have to throw in the proverbial towel. In MY mind, there HAS TO BE a way to "fix" it. Sometimes, there's just. Not. It's very depressing.

But. You can DO this. You don't want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with you. You don't. You "think" you do because of continuity maybe, or because you don't think you can face life alone. Turns out, you CAN. In actuality, he's already gone. There's nothing to fight for. You talked about your "hoarding" tendencies. You buy things you don't need and keep them long after you accept you don't need them. Your husband is in the same category. You're hoarding him - keeping him - because you're holding on to things that are clutter. He's clutter for you. You admitted you need to de-clutter the material things. De-clutter him as well. Get rid of it all, including him, and start fresh. Get a good lawyer; he doesn't get to opt out without paying for the damage. (Like a return at a store). Get what he's worth and toss the rest. And don't look back. Seems to me like you should skip the counseling (except maybe for yourself) and go straight to arbitration. Just saying. I don't know the situation at all, but it certainly sounds to me as if he's done. Whining and clinging makes it easier for him to want to be away from you.

Try to stay busy - find something! - while this season winds its way out. I know you're miserable, and that's the hardest thing of all: not to give in to the tendency to want to hide from everyone and everything.

And don't watch any of those stupid Hallmark Christmas movies. Life doesn't work that way.

Personally, I think the single most pissy thing about the whole tangled web is that he told EVERYONE but YOU. WHAAAAAAAT??? I would happily bop him upside the head for that little betrayal. What an ass!

Anyway, honey, I wish you some peace. Acceptance, peace and a plan.

RED, I'm wishing you peace too, and an upturn in fortune very soon. I hope you get the perfect job.

Burlsa and BigSky, chins up, there are answers out there, and you will find them. I know you will. Big, you had me at CHOCOLATE!!! Who can live without chocolate?

[SongbirdHollow]

HappyFatChick says don't watch any Hallmark movies...but may I recommend French Kiss with Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline? It's about getting over a guy, or maybe an idea of a guy, and the music is pretty good too. One of my faves.

[Happyfatchick]

Kevin Kline is probably my all-time favorite actor. I did a seat with his name once, and on the production list, it came as "Klein". Well, he has been my fave for a long time, and I know better. But it's an official PRODUCTION list. So I did the seat. Only to have them call me in a panic a couple days later for a re-do. Oy. Lesson learned. I change name spellings all the time now, and does anyone (including the person who sent me the list) ever call me and say "hey THANKS! You saved my butt on that one!" Nope. Never.

The reason I love my Kline is that he's a chameleon. He can play ANYTHING, and successfully. Make you love him and hate him in the same sentence. (Sophie's Choice). And this is why Meryl Streep is my favorite actress as well. The flip side is actors who only play one person and carry it successfully from role to role. Robert Deniro, Samuel L. Jackson. Same guy, different movie. (That's my take on it, YMMV). Kind of like if poor Flo from Progressive tried to do a commercial for toilet paper suddenly.

[Tabbygirl521]

Regarding hoarding, for some people a major loss can trigger a bout. A loss can make it hard for anybody to "lose" anything else - even if it's just material stuff. I don't hoard, but my Mom passed last summer and I can't quite bring myself to purge everything just yet. It would be easy to get on a roll with this mindset after such a huge loss.

Magpye, I echo HFC's advice and just wanted to add that a counselor could help overall right now, with so much upheaval going on. This could help avert any harmful new patterns you might want to avoid.

Also, if you can, try to take lots of long walks. This saved my mental and physical health once after a very bad, unexpected breakup.

[theredhead77]

I just have to brain dump this somewhere.

 

I fucked up at work on Friday. In front of the HR director I said I used my phone to do something real quick at a stop light (a huge no-no in our company). Yes, I know I fucked up, it was a mistake, I took my hand-slapping from my boss. But he said the HR director wanted him to write me up for it, and he said no, it was a mistake, I know it was and it won't happen again. He sent me an email recapping our conversation reminding me it's a huge no-no, I acknowledged it. Somewhere in there he sent me a huge email from a manager from a team I support full of compliments about me and how I make their lives easier. After the email, during our weekly re-cap meeting I asked him if I was going to be in any more trouble on Monday and he said no, just don't do it again and then he reminded me that he's supposed to be asking his boss about getting me more money in January (my year anniversary).

 

But despite all that I'm petrified I'm going to come in to work on Monday and get fired for it.

 

I've lost 3 jobs in the last 8 years, two of them were around this time of year. Cell phone use in the car is really a huge no-no. So my inner-anxiety girl is picturing the HR Director scheduling meetings and drawing up paperwork this weekend to terminate my employment for on Monday.

[Tabbygirl521]

Theredhead, I am an anxiety-prone type myself, so I totally get this. But I am confident that you can rely on your boss's assurance that this is over, and you will move on. The very fact that he made sure to remind you of how much you are valued by others speaks volumes. HR directors kind of lose perspective sometimes because their work is so by-the-book. People who actually work with you are the ones who know you, and the value you bring to the workplace.

Even though this is no-no, it is the kind of thing that you would likely have to keep doing in order to lose your job. You were stopped, not driving. You acknowledged it. You promised it won't happen again. So, there will be a record of it because that's what companies do - they warn you. That's just to cover them in case it reoccurs. But it won't

Edited December 13, 2015 by Tabbygirl521

[RedPonyDriver]

Hoarding and getting rid of stuff:

When we cleaned out my mom's house...I kept EVERYTHING! She was living with us...and I felt funny tossing stuff. Fortunately, just a few months after she died we moved across the country so we HAD to get rid of stuff. We got rid of more stuff when we moved from PHX to LV. Now, in our current situation...the stuff that we had to squeeze in a 10 X 30 storage room has been reduced to what fits in a 10 X 15 storage room with room to spare. 

 

It was hard enough to have to rehome my dogs, get rid of stuff we paid through the nose for (washer, dryer, very nice fridge, some furniture) just to have some jerk at social services telling us I needed to sell my car too. Fortunately, Mr. RPD put his foot down...told said jerk "she's lost her home, her career, her dogs...what MORE do you want her to give up? We will NOT be selling the car." 

 

I've slowly detached myself from stuff...it's hard...especially when there's a major life upheaval. Hanging on to stuff = security, ya know? I need to screw up the courage to unload more stuff soon...I don't think it will fit in our new place...but I'm not ready to do it just yet. 

 

Magpye...I hope I've made sense...take your time to get your head screwed on straight again. When my X tossed us out, it came out of left field. It took awhile to rebuild my life, with 3 little kids...but almost 20 years later now...after so many other upheavals...life is GOOD! You'll get there. Just take care of YOU. Be selfish for awhile. It won't be all OK in a week, a month or even a year...but eventually it will be. Many hugs to you. 

[BrianJ62]

HappyFatChick says don't watch any Hallmark movies...but may I recommend French Kiss with Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline? It's about getting over a guy, or maybe an idea of a guy, and the music is pretty good too. One of my faves.

Try Father Goose with Cary Grant and Leslie Caron

[theredhead77]

Theredhead, I am an anxiety-prone type myself, so I totally get this. But I am confident that you can rely on your boss's assurance that this is over, and you will move on. The very fact that he made sure to remind you of how much you are valued by others speaks volumes. HR directors kind of lose perspective sometimes because their work is so by-the-book. People who actually work with you are the ones who know you, and the value you bring to the workplace.

Thanks. That's what I keep trying to tell myself. I don't think she can decide to make an example of me and fire me without my bosses consent either. At least I hope she can't. My last job was so abusive, I think I have PTSD from it. Obsessing over this all weekend is not normal.

[magpye29]

Oh,, theredhead, I'm feeling for you, and sending lots of positive energy your way.  Your boss sounds awesome, but I'm praying for you that all goes well.  

 

I'm doing okay today.  Christmas party with the four other ladies of my book club.  We had a beautiful dinner of Cornish hens, brussels sprouts, mashed sweet potatoes, and a carrot-beet slaw with apples that was just delicious.  Then we finished with dessert (Portuguese pastries) and a lively discussion of The Paris Architect.  These ladies are all smart, well-educated, well-traveled, and well-read.  I learn so much when I'm with them, but I also contribute to the discussion because I have a different perspective as a former military wife who spent a lot of time in the south.

 

You guys are so awesome.  This thread is a lifeline for me, and I love reading all your posts.  I feel like I know you, and you matter to me.  Thank you for all the support and suggestions.  You've given me so much to think about, and I've had small moments of optimism that I might get through this.

 

So here's a joke I heard from the kids at school this week.

 

Q.  Why did the psychic cross the road?

A.  To talk to the other side.

[CherryMalotte]

But despite all that I'm petrified I'm going to come in to work on Monday and get fired for it.

 

I feel for you theredhead77 big time.  A few years ago the head of my department tried to muck me up over an e-mail I had sent back to her.  Without going into to too many details I responded to an e-mail she had sent to everyone and she did not like my response.  My co-workers did, but she put on the irate act and tried to  rake me over the coals during a meeting in front of our immediate supervisors.  I was really sweating it out for a few days and I'm the breadwinner in the home and the person that carries the insurance for everyone.  What I did find out during this process is that someone I took as a good friend decided she was going to save her own skin and shared some private message conversations that we'd had on - not word for word mind you but my boss knew a heck of a lot more about a few things than she should of.  That taught me that being overly friendly with people you work with is not a good thing, one is better off being 'friendly' with people and not 'friends' - which is kinda sad in a way.  I ended up with a slap on the wrist and a copy of my email in HR but nothing more. We had gone thru a huge transition at the time in our workplace and much of this was put down as stress, which in truth it was.  The department head is no longer there...and I had my karma on that.  She was retirement age anyway - and with all the transitions that were going on a lot of her workplace habits and shall we say lack of work was exposed.  I think if she had stayed longer she would have been let go, as it was she was nudged.  Nudged hard.  

 

I know it might be pointless to say don't worry - but don't worry too hard.  I will have a good thought for you.   

[theredhead77]

I'm just going to remind myself about the people who were straight up stealing time and how many warnings they got about it.

[Love2dance]

I'm just going to remind myself about the people who were straight up stealing time and how many warnings they got about it.

Please let us know what happens tomorrow, THEREDHEAD77. I hope it goes well.

[Love2dance]

I'm doing okay today. Christmas party with the four other ladies of my book club. We had a beautiful dinner of Cornish hens, brussels sprouts, mashed sweet potatoes, and a carrot-beet slaw with apples that was just delicious. Then we finished with dessert (Portuguese pastries) and a lively discussion of The Paris Architect. These ladies are all smart, well-educated, well-traveled, and well-read. I learn so much when I'm with them, but I also contribute to the discussion because I have a different perspective as a former military wife who spent a lot of time in the south.

You guys are so awesome. This thread is a lifeline for me, and I love reading all your posts. I feel like I know you, and you matter to me. Thank you for all the support and suggestions. You've given me so much to think about, and I've had small moments of optimism that I might get through this..

I am so proud of you MAGPYE. You are already taking steps towards "getting through it." It isn't easy...so good for you. Those of us who have been there, done that, are pulling for you. (Along with everyone else, of course.) Edited December 14, 2015 by Love2dance

[bigskygirl]

I won a $100 gift card in a contest run by my local hometown newspaper. Nice Christmas surprise.

[Almost 3000]

I won a $100 gift card in a contest run by my local hometown newspaper. Nice Christmas surprise.

Congrats! I thought I was doing well when the grocery clerk said woops, let's put in your customer card after the transaction was over. She refunded me $2.71. I just thought it was nice she caught it.

[Missy Vixen]

My son invited me as his guest to his Xmas party last night. When he asked me, I said "don't you want to take one of your girlfriends instead? " I was confused..lol

He just laughed it off and said I deserved the fancy meal and night out for years of putting up with his shit..and downplayed it.

My son works as an art therapist for a non profit organization that fosters children from infants to teens in a transitional home environment. Some of these kids have had awful experiences that i cannot even bear to think about too long. This son is an artist. .got his degree in fine arts. .listened to everyone tell him it was a useless degree that he could basically wipe his ass with and would never get him anywhere. I kept encouraging him that the paper was transferable. Keep going. Get it. So fast forward to last night, which was quite honestly the nicest xmas party i have ever attended. Held in a ballroom of a hotel, Xmas decor, AMAZING meal. I am sitting there and they are giving out the staff awards and recognitions and they call my son up, and he assumes it is just a standard certificate of thanks, a box of chocolates, yada yada.

Well, the administrator starts telling the story of this twelve year old boy who has been in fifty four foster homes in his short life. ADHD, fetal alcohol syndrome, rage issues. This was one hurt broken child. Apparently, they asked my son if he would work one to one full-time with this boy back in September and he accepted.

Since then, said boy is now attending school every single day ( with my son), has gotten very interested in Parkour, has become more focused, less angry, and reduced his therapy visits to once per month from six times per month.

He has opened up to the point where he asked if he will be able to"stay" there until he is grown He has stopped running away to look for his mother. (Drug addicted prostitute)

My son was not expecting this honour and i could tell he was shocked at the podium.

Note I'm already sniffling and so proud i could die at that very moment already...but what does my kid say? ??

Paraphrasing :

"I am so honoured to be acknowledged tonight but i have to give the credit to my Mom, sitting there in red. She raised us to always see light in the darkest places and would show us tiny flowers pushing through cracks in cement and weeds on our daily afternoon walks as children. She has never thrown anyone away, and there have been a few she should have, likely. It wasn't until I took this position that I truly understood the sacrifices that great parents make for their children. I was making lunch one day and carefully thought out a healthy balanced meal for Jacob.Spent an hour preparing and making it just right for his tastes. He came in, looked at it, and said..can't I just have a hot dog?

I felt so crushed in that moment but have since flashed back to the many times my working mother rushed in the door and immediately started cooking for me and my brother and how snotty we were at times at her menu choices.

Well now I understand her struggles and also understand the the forgiving grace involved in shaping a child into adulthood. Anything positive i have accomplished with Jacob is due to my Mother's lessons to me. I hope i can share those with many more children that come under my care in the future. "

So, I tell you what. .next to the births of my kids. .that was quite simply the best moment of my life so far. I have sons. You don't hear any of that stuff usually.

It truly made all the struggles i endured raising them go away instantly.

Oh my..I am walking on a cloud today.

Life is so incredibly good.

TLDR: My kid got an award and i cried.

What a beautiful story. And I am so, so glad you were able to be there to hear it. My husband was in foster care in his younger years. I hope that you and your son will get many more chances to make a difference in the lives of kids that had nobody, but now they have someone who cares about them and their lives.

 

I don't even KNOW you but I am so proud of your son!

[JenCarroll]

Here's a happy story.

This year I decided to send Hanukkah gifts to my kids in college. Nothing huge, I just bought them travel coffee mugs with a funny slogan, and put in candy, cash, and a couple of Useful Objects. I also sent one for DD1's (non-Jewish) boyfriend, as they recently passed the one-year mark and I suspect he may eventually become my son-in-law. And now I begin to understand why people might choose to make a thank-you, or a birthday wish or whatever, public instead of just saying it privately. DD1 posted (facebook) a picture of herself and The Boyfriend holding up their mugs and grinning, captioned, "My mom is the best!" DD2 followed up with a similar picture (sans boyfriend) captioned, "No, MY mom is the best!" It's like being given a gift in return --- aww, my kids are bragging about me!

Edited December 15, 2015 by JenCarroll

[zoomama]

quick question on how to use this site:  i wanted to list the shows i read about up there at the top where it says 'my shows' but i cannot figure out how to do it. can anyone explain?

[MargeGunderson]

quick question on how to use this site:  i wanted to list the shows i read about up there at the top where it says 'my shows' but i cannot figure out how to do it. can anyone explain?

 

Zoomama - go to the 19 Kids and Counting show page (the one that lists all of these discussion threads) and look for the Follow button (blue) on the right side near the top of the screen (just under the 19 Kids and Counting title. Click on that to add the entire thread to your My Shows list. Or, if you only want to add certain threads in 19 Kids and Counting - like only the Prayer Closet - click the Follow button on the thread's home page to add it to your list.

[theredhead77]

Please let us know what happens tomorrow, THEREDHEAD77. I hope it goes well.

At the risk of jinxing myself, everything was normal. I had a momentary internal freakout when my bosses boss walked with a purpose into his office w/o saying good morning to me. Then almost immediately after he walked in my boss rejected my pre-approved vacation request. But they were laughing about something and after I went to ask about the vacation request and apparently I submitted it twice. I made a comment about thinking I was still in trouble from Friday and he said he had no idea what I was talking about. So I guess all is well.

 

Thanks for letting me freak out here.

Edited December 15, 2015 by theredhead77

[Jynnan tonnix]

Congrats! I thought I was doing well when the grocery clerk said woops, let's put in your customer card after the transaction was over. She refunded me $2.71. I just thought it was nice she caught it.

I was just opening bills and found out I must have somehow overpaid on my Macy's card (I thought it was strange to be getting something from them since I haven't bought anything there in a while), so there's actually a credit of $59 and change on it. That's probably a couple of Christmas presents!

[Readalot]

I was just opening bills and found out I must have somehow overpaid on my Macy's card (I thought it was strange to be getting something from them since I haven't bought anything there in a while), so there's actually a credit of $59 and change on it. That's probably a couple of Christmas presents!

yea! Furthering the good news my husband won $100 at his work's holiday party this weekend. It was one of those "check the bottom of your chair for a sticker" thingys.

[kalamac]

Sounds possible...hormones can do a lot of weird things, but I'd never heard of this either. Interesting thing to know. I had one girl and two boys, and the boys (especially the second) both had their share of baby acne, so I know that's a thing.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/your-newborn-girls-genitals-bleeding

 

Why it can happen.

[magpye29]

Congrats to everyone on their winnings!  

 

Theredhead, glad everything turned out okay.

 

I went to another Christmas party tonight, for the ushers at the theatre where I volunteer.  The food was yummy, and I won a big Yankee candle that smells like cranberry chutney.  Yay me!  

 

Tomorrow night I have to go to a CORI training for my job.  I'm off Wednesday, and then I'm ushering for A Celtic Christmas Sojourn on Thursday, The Nutcracker on Friday evening and Saturday matinee, and a symphony orchestra Christmas concert on Saturday evening.  My school's Christmas pageant is Sunday.  I'm a busy girl.

[travel17]

Christmas and family visiting. I live in the south and when family visits, grownups take kids room and the kids camp out. Is that a southern thing? I am 50 and having issues with my back and really don't want to camp on a twin mattress on the floor, in the library alcove, no walls or doors for 2 weeks. The regular inhabitants of the house are the parents (broher,sister in law) two teenagers and a middle schooler, all with their own rooms. Am I being ugly for wanting to go to a hotel? Or is the way I do it, some weird form of southern hospitality and you put your guests wherever so your teenagers aren't inconvenienced? Im visiting the west coast. Please correct me if I am looking at it wrong.

[theredhead77]

Christmas and family visiting. I live in the south and when family visits, grownups take kids room and the kids camp out. Is that a southern thing? I am 50 and having issues with my back and really don't want to camp on a twin mattress on the floor, in the library alcove, no walls or doors for 2 weeks. The regular inhabitants of the house are the parents (broher,sister in law) two teenagers and a middle schooler, all with their own rooms. Am I being ugly for wanting to go to a hotel? Or is the way I do it, some weird form of southern hospitality and you put your guests wherever so your teenagers aren't inconvenienced? Im visiting the west coast. Please correct me if I am looking at it wrong.

I live in CA and growing up I've never known anyone to give up their room for out of town, long term guests. It's either in a guest room or a hotel. I would have pitched a fit if my mom expected me to give up my room for visitors. That was my safe space. And no, I wasn't a spoiled brat.

 

I'd go to a hotel before I'd sleep in that sort of arrangement for longer than an evening if I was visiting someone. If I'm close enough to visit them for an extended period of time I'd be close enough to tell them I will be staying at a local hotel/motel because I need my own space. Hell, at this point I don't even want to couch crash after a night of drunking.

Edited December 15, 2015 by theredhead77

[Jynnan tonnix]

yea! Furthering the good news my husband won $100 at his work's holiday party this weekend. It was one of those "check the bottom of your chair for a sticker" thingys.

And another plus...every year I save my loose change (and some $1 bills, now that they take paper money as well)  to a coinstar machine and trade it in for an Amazon gift certificate in December. This year it added up to $176. I think my record was $212, but in any case, it's a relatively painless way to rack up some Christmas cash.

I also have a related "ghost" story dealing with this custom of mine. But I may or may not have shared that at some point already, so won't bother with it at the moment unless anybody asks.

[Tabbygirl521]

Christmas and family visiting. I live in the south and when family visits, grownups take kids room and the kids camp out. Is that a southern thing? I am 50 and having issues with my back and really don't want to camp on a twin mattress on the floor, in the library alcove, no walls or doors for 2 weeks. The regular inhabitants of the house are the parents (broher,sister in law) two teenagers and a middle schooler, all with their own rooms. Am I being ugly for wanting to go to a hotel? Or is the way I do it, some weird form of southern hospitality and you put your guests wherever so your teenagers aren't inconvenienced? Im visiting the west coast. Please correct me if I am looking at it wrong.

I would go with a hotel. When someone offers to put me up at their home, I just explain that I am a "bad houseguest" and if they persist, I just say, "Trust me," and thank them anyway. However , I am in the Pac NW, where people are notoriously distant and aloof Edited December 15, 2015 by Tabbygirl521

[emma675]

Yikes, two weeks?! I would definitely book a hotel room--I am notorious for needing some "me" time at least once or twice a day and two weeks constantly surrounded by family sounds like hell to me. No matter how much I love them, I need some space. And my own bathroom.

[Absolom]

No one I know in Cali gives up their room for guests unless it's an unusual situation.  Most people I know have guest rooms though so at least two people can have a real bed.  Also no one I know blinks an eyelash at guests preferring to stay in a hotel or motel nearby either.  I don't remember my parents ever giving up their room when I was growing up in the south.  I was ousted once for guests and explained to my parents how I felt about that and it never happened again. 

[crazycatlady58]

Christmas and family visiting. I live in the south and when family visits, grownups take kids room and the kids camp out. Is that a southern thing? I am 50 and having issues with my back and really don't want to camp on a twin mattress on the floor, in the library alcove, no walls or doors for 2 weeks. The regular inhabitants of the house are the parents (broher,sister in law) two teenagers and a middle schooler, all with their own rooms. Am I being ugly for wanting to go to a hotel? Or is the way I do it, some weird form of southern hospitality and you put your guests wherever so your teenagers aren't inconvenienced? Im visiting the west coast. Please correct me if I am looking at it wrong.

When I was young the guest got the children's beds, and we slept on the couch . I guess things were different then, my mother told me to think of others . Oh course the people that visited could not afford a hotel room so...

[crazycatlady58]

I forgot to say you need to do what makes you comfortable . I would stay in a hotel room also, I need some down time.

[Happyfatchick]

As we all know, I am a southern gal, and we routinely oust the kids for someone to take their space when we have visitors. Doesn't matter to me, personally, anymore. But when I was a kid, I was on the couch or floor if we had guests.

I had more to say, don't know why I hit send. (Trigger finger). Being made to sleep in the living room or den on the floor or couch was fine by me as a young one. I'm not young anymore. I'm not ABOUT to sleep on the floor for 2 weeks. I'm not spoiled, I'm respectful of my limits. Seems like a costly decision to move to a hotel at this point, when you weren't expecting the added expense. Still, if you can afford it, do it. Everybody will be happier at the end of this visit if you have some space. And if they tease you and pick at you about being a spoiled diva, let it roll off. It can still be a fun trip.

Edited December 15, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[SometimesBites]

Life is so incredibly good.

TLDR: My kid got an award and i cried.

Best tl;dr EVER, Mom. What a glorious, cloud nine moment. You've raised a wonderful man, and as the mother of four sons, I salute you! <3

[JenCarroll]

We may have moved the girls into one room to free up the other for guests, but that was no big deal. There were two beds in each room and half the time they ended up in the same bed anyway, let alone the same room. Still do, on the increasingly rare occasions they're both here at the same time.

I wouldn't offer anyone accommodations like that, TRAVEL17, and if they were offered to me I'd assume the people really didn't want me to stay with them. Take the hotel option!

[travel17]

Just to add a bit of details. My niece had had a cheerleading completion this weekend in Vegas. And I'm big into going to elementary school Christmas concerts, little league, just whatever I can get I can soak up when it is possible because they are so far way. She had another compatation this weekend in Ca. So when it was scheduled my bother was excited for me to spend a little a few days more and get to share two events. I honestly work hard at not being THAT in law. I wash clothes, clean, cook, try to be a help. I have flown in several times to babysit so they could vacation, work trips or my brother could be with her totally for surgery. My nickname is Auntie Lollipop (I'm a sucker for the kids) So I was worked up earlier, because my sister in law said I was being offensive about her hosting. I tried to say I didn't want to be a distraction in their busy lives. But finally admitted I didn't want to sleep on the floor for two weeks. Its know family wide that I'm an insomniac, so when I can sleep I do and to not understand about wanting an actual room seems unfair. When she called me spoiled and I agreed that I was (I really am not, I'm the eldest and the one who always does everything, looking after sick parents,grandparents, childcare, financial help. I do enjoy the lifestyle I've worked hard for, but I'm always 1st to share). But when I kept being pressed I said maybe it's a cultural thing. It could be, my 1st cousins in atl and I love to get together and love being in a house busting at the seams. But my southern cousins sons always grab my luggage and would think it odd if I was sleeping on the couch. Just like I camped out with kids when my aunts and uncles came. My brother told me I upset her, totally not my intention, but I think you teach people how to treat you. I honestly believe if it were that important to her for me to stay, I wouldn't be expected to sleep like that. And it's killing me to hold firm to my stance.

Edited December 15, 2015 by travel17

[Readalot]

Just to add a bit of details. My niece had had a cheerleading completion this weekend in Vegas. And I'm big into going to elementary school Christmas concerts, little league, just whatever I can get I can soak up when it is possible because they are so far way. She had another completion this weekend in Ca. So when it was scheduled my bother was excited for me to spend a little a few days more and get to share two events. I honestly work hard at not being THAT in law. I wash clothes, clean, cook, try to be a help. I have flown in to babysit so they could vacation or my brother could be with her totally for surgery. So I was worked up earlier, because my sister in law said I was being offensive about her hosting. I tried to say I didn't want to be a distraction in their busy lives. But finally admitted I didn't want to sleep on the floor for two weeks. Its know family wide that I'm an insomniac, so when I can sleep I do and to not understand about wanting an actual room seems unfair. When she called me spoiled and I agreed that I was (I really am not, I'm the eldest and the one who always does everything, looking after sick parents,grandparents, childcare, financial help. But I do enjoy the lifestyle I've worked hard for, but I'm always 1st to share). But when I kept being pressed I told said maybe it's a cultural thing. I'm proud of myself that I left it right there and segwayed into talking about shopping.

wow that's her problem not yours. You are a very supportive relative, maybe they just want to be around you all the time? I think you are very generous to pay for a hotel for two weeks to visit family! We use to have a guest room but we don't so now our teen's room is the guest room, as she has a nice temperpedic Queen bed. She sleeps with her little sister who has two twin beds when we have guests. Except maybe once or twice when she had a softball tournament the next day she got to sleep in her own bed. We have two comFY Queen blowup mattresses for those times when we have a lot of friends or family over. Adults get real beds first. Then couches then the air mattresses. But it's never been more than two nights. Hubby and I always offer our bed but once we tell people one side is broken (sleep number) they decline. My side is like a hammock comfy for me but no one wants to try it lol.

[RedPonyDriver]

I detest being a houseguest...thanks to anxiety and other issues, I don't sleep well anywhere except my own bed. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in 6 weeks and it'll be awhile until I get used to the new surroundings to be able to sleep again...

 

That said...I remember my high school graduation...we had most of the family there and they stayed with us in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom rancher. My cousins bunked in with me, my one aunt and uncle (the ones with money) got a hotel, there were 2 sofabeds and I think my parents gave up their room...I don't really remember. I was gone most of that week...boyfriend's place 

[travel17]

My immediate family has always been very close. And like it's been noted on this site while lurking, if you want to remain close to brother (son) you have to be nice to their spouse. It's just weird here on the west coast for me sometimes. I finally sat down and told my brother I love to be with them. Heck, I've gone to get get the oil changed with him just we could talk. But finally tonight, I told him I bite my tongue a lot. Like this afternoon, asked my niece to help me find all dirty towels(wanted to help by getting them caught up with the laundry).Both parents have the kind of stressful careers I just escaped, so I do anything I can do to help out. But I knew the mom would think I was nagging if I asked the daughter again. End result, kid stayed on Facebook, no laundry got done, and I again bit my tongue.. I don't know if my southern cousins just know me better or it cultural. But if their kids didn't immediately stop what they were doing and get what I asked, I would have to save the kid from getting in trouble. I love my sister in law and the kids, i really do. I just don't always understand them.

[GeeGolly]

My MIL always repeated the quote that house guests are like fish - after three days they begin to smell. I'm not big on being a house quest, nor having them. When visiting friends and family we always stay in a hotel.

[kalamac]

So this has nothing to with anything that's been discussed here, but today I had to work with an outside contractor, and he kept saying 'pacific' when he meant 'specific' and it was driving me nuts.

And if he was someone I worked with all the time, I would have found a polite way to point out they were using the wrong word, but I'd never met this guy before, so I let it pass. Now it's hours later and I'm still annoyed, because that's one of my peeves.