Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Liz Tudor]

I'm orignially from th mid-Atlantic, so that's my speed. Spent too short of an Air Force assignment in northern CT, and loved every minute of it. Mr. Tudor is from northern VT, so he loves winter and misses skiing.

[zoomama]

meh, i like doing (as in playing in)  snow for the day and then coming home to clean and dry streets and getting warm.

[riverblue22]

Virginian here, but I just spent the last two weeks in Phoenix and SoCal.  Lots of rain in Phoenix and SoCal was soooo hot it was terrible!  The day we wandered around the Huntington Library it was 104!  It just felt all wrong being so hot out there.  We were melting in Santa Barbara as well.  I'm now enjoying looking at the trees in the backyard with their fall foliage.  Hope you SoCal folks get some cooler weather and rain (without mudslides!).

Edited October 21, 2015 by riverblue22

[lookeyloo]

I grew up in New Jersey and was miserable 9 months of the year except summer. Maybe some of it was that I couldn't control the thermostat and my father was never cold. "Put on a sweater"'doesn't really work when you are cold on the inside. Then married and Air Force sent us to Warner Robins, Georgia. I knew that's where I was meant to be but there was a mixup somewhere. Loved it. Moved to California for 3 years. Hated the rainy season. And in other season it got very cold at night so didn't enjoy that. Moved to Deep South and do not mind most of the weather except hurricanes. It is mostly sunny and usually warm. Now we are moving back to Georgia where there are 4 seasons. And I can control the thermostat. I would be happy with warm/hot sunny weather 365 days a year. Don't mind humidity most of the time. A long walk in the middle of the day in August makes me sweat enough to get a rush. I think of it as hot yoga. Visiting other grown child in Pacific Northwest right now. Do Not Enjoy their winter weather. Summer's are spectacular but too short.

[Wellfleet]

My mom, who was physically frail but mentally intact, would get loopy whenever she had a UTI.  When you've been through this with a loved one, it gets very familiar very fast.  (((Hugs to everyone going through this)))

 

To get off the Jello topic for a minute, whose house had Breakfast Rules?  We did, and they were as follows:  Saturday was the only day we were allowed to eat sugary cereals like Lucky Charms, because it was our Shabbos treat (We managed to scarf down many boxes of the stuff as TV snacks!).  Sundays were the only days in which it was allowed to have bagels and cream cheese.  The remainder of the week was regular boring cereal or toast, with hot cereal in the winter occasionally.  Even then, there was a pecking order for hot cereal:  Cream of Wheat (gag!) was for warmer days, oatmeal for seasonally average days and when it was freakin' cold or extremely snowy, it was Red River cereal day.  Being Jewish, delicious porky breakfast meats were a big no-no, unless we were on vaycay, and even then, there was a good deal of furtive looking around to make sure we weren't spotted inhaling contraband bacon with our eggs. 

 

Our family just had breakfast habits, not really rules. School days were cold cereal all year long, or optional hot cereal in the Winter. When I was in high school I started making "cheese toast" for myself some days - think open-faced grilled cheese. Mom was making granola by then too, from the Quaker Oats cookbook she sent away for - extremely delicious and really easy. Since finishing college I've had the same thing almost exclusively on weekdays/workdays - 8 oz yogurt - Greek yogurt now, orange or grapefruit juice, coffee and occasionally a baked something - muffin, scone, bagel etc. Weekends I'll usually make eggs or French toast, or once in a great while, something left over from the previous week. FYI - vegetable lasagna reheated makes a wonderful Sunday morning breakfast in the Winter. Oh, and I'm always first in line when someone suggests breakfast out, or even better - a serious Sunday restaurant brunch. With Bloody Marys or whiskey sours, thank you.

 

On the weekends when we were little, the whole family would eat together and my Dad, a breakfast savant, would take over. Bacon & eggs, pancakes & sausage, ham & eggs - Dad was your basic carnivore - with hash browns, home fries or cottage fries. His specialties. If and when I ever get to Heaven, one of the first things I want is a breakfast cooked by my Dad.

Edited October 21, 2015 by Wellfleet

[StaceyNotStacie]

Virginian here, but I just spent the last two weeks in Phoenix and SoCal. Lots of rain in Phoenix and SoCal was soooo hot it was terrible! The day we wandered around the Huntington Library it was 104! It just felt all wrong being so hot out there. We were melting in Santa Barbara as well. I'm now enjoying looking at the trees in the backyard with their fall foliage. Hope you SoCal folks get some cooler weather and rain (without mudslides!).

Virginian, but originally from NE Pennsylvania. I like winter, but I don't like the temperature below fifty degrees. I like it cool enough to wear sweaters and boots, but not need a heavy winter coat. I don't mind a few inches of snow, but we're normally not used to it and the city isn't prepared, causing the schools to close.

[Barbie]

. If and when I ever get to Heaven, one of the first things I want is a breakfast cooked by my Dad.

I love this idea.... Food orders from Heaven....My Grandmothers biscuits come to mind first.... 

[Happyfatchick]

Oh Lord. If we meet up in heaven, I promise NOT to make you eat anything my Daddy cooked. Raised Amish, MEN wash their hands (some of them) at the kitchen sink. And leave. Cooking and washing up is WIMINS work. I used to drop by occasionally past dinner, and they wouldn't have eaten some days. He'd be sitting in the living room, patiently waiting for dinner to happen. Why??? Why, Daddy? I BOUGHT your groceries (they paid, I shopped), and I BOUGHT things that you could microwave, or cook with little effort. WHY didn't you eat??? (This is what my brain screamed, not my mouth). He'd say, "well, Mama just didn't feel up to fixing anything tonight I guess". He can fry an egg; I've seen him do it. An egg. The end.

[Wok Chop]

I live in mid-Michigan. I love winter up until Christmas (so I guess I only like 4 days of actual winter). January through March become increasingly difficult due to seasonal depression, which then leads to agoraphobia.

I cannot tolerate moisture, so dampness in the colder weather and humidity in the warm/hot weather makes me extremely uncomfortable. Most you would hate visiting my house because I keep it operating room cold. Maintaining a cool, dry home costs a lot, but when I am uncomfortable due to moisture, I'm not pleasant to be around. :O

I love being able to enjoy 4 distinct seasons and can't imagine living without that. I often fantasize about spending my golden years in the UP, but I fear the reality of their long, harsh winters would be too much for me.

[Bella]

Hugs for those of you with elderly relatives. Been there.

 

My dad was 13 years older than my mom, and she has aged better than he did. Also, my brother is a nurse and I am self-employed with a (usually) flexible schedule. When Dad started having health problems, my brother and I would race home. By time he died, we were taking turns. Now that Mom is in her 80s, my brother and I have an on-call arrangement for emergencies. For example, I'm not available until Nov. 12, but then I've got the rest of the year. If there's a scheduled procedure that involves blood, he goes back for it. If it's scheduled and doesn't involve blood, it's mine (guess who's squeamish). I almost passed out once on seeing a bloody dressing, so we pretty much have to do it this way. 

 

Mom used to have a really pushy neighbor whom I intensely disliked and distrusted, and whom I will call C for purposes of this discussion. When Mom had surgery a few years ago, C was at the hospital with us for reasons too complex to explain. C and I went to lunch, and she explained to me that Mom was losing it and becoming very forgetful, but there were people watching out for her. I was quite alarmed because I had noticed nothing. So Mom came out of her surgery and went home the next day, and I stayed another week. After the conversation with C, I watched Mom very closely. She was as sharp as ever and never forgot a thing. On the last day of my visit, I told her what C said, then noted that I thought she was completely with it. And she said "oh, C is always telling me what to do and I say I'll do it just to shut her up, then I do whatever I want instead." Yay, Mom?

[SomePity1066]

On the weekends when we were little, the whole family would eat together and my Dad, a breakfast savant, would take over. Bacon & eggs, pancakes & sausage, ham & eggs - Dad was your basic carnivore - with hash browns, home fries or cottage fries. His specialties. If and when I ever get to Heaven, one of the first things I want is a breakfast cooked by my Dad.

 

 

Wellfleet, my dear dad will be working the grill next to yours at the St. Peter's Diner !!!

 

There's just something about dads and breakfast...  :)

[Joe Jitsu913]

I'm in FL, and though I love the beach, I can't stand it being so warm for soooo looong. It's too much of the same. I grew up in distinct seasons and miss them. It doesn't feel like Halloween is coming up at all; I can't get into it, because it feels like what early September "should" for me. I was a sweaty mess at Thanksgiving last year; cooked just for 2, but it was almost too warm for that kind of heavy meal. Lastly, on Christmas Eve, it was in the 80s sand I was in shorts & melting. It was bizzare to see Christmas decorations when my body was thinking "summer." I miss my fall/winter clothes, I'll get to use some for about 2 months, if I'm lucky. Many folks think it would be great to live in a warmer climate (and in January when there's snow up to your butt, I get it!) but do you REALLY want it to be July for 9 months? Sorry to seem whiny and complainy, but I missing fall a lot right now!

Will you trade with me? I live in New England and we've already had snowflakes. This time a few years ago, we were without power for 10 days due to a snowstorm. Halloween was postponed.

Last winter, I had 39 inches of snow in my driveway.

I would love to live in sunny Florida, by the beach. No shoveling, no freezing temps... I could handle that.

[lookeyloo]

Severe pneumonia, mild congestive heart failure and a mild heart attack, and this is a time my sister thinks it's appropriate to text.  Sigh.  She's too much of a mess to read the riot act to, we got to see both the cardiologist and the pulmonary specialist while we were there and everyone is confident of a good recovery, just might take awhile.  I'm zapped.

Uh oh. Mr lookeyloo had a heart attack a few years ago. It was early am. Took him to hospital. Should have called 911. He walked in with severe chest pain saying he had indigestion. Cardiologist was there and up he went for catheterization and stent. I texted the sons! They called back irate. I said what can you do - you are on opposite sides of the country. The Atlanta one drove over. I told the other one not to come yet. Longer expensive trip and the mr was okay. They both came for the bypass surgery. But they don't let me forget I texted vs calling!!

[NikSac]

Severe pneumonia, mild congestive heart failure and a mild heart attack, and this is a time my sister thinks it's appropriate to text.  Sigh.  She's too much of a mess to read the riot act to, we got to see both the cardiologist and the pulmonary specialist while we were there and everyone is confident of a good recovery, just might take awhile.  I'm zapped.

 

Oh my goodness. Sending good health wishes.

[ChocolateAddict]

The weather down here is driving me up the wall.  We had a week of perfect weather - 30s most days (95+ in fahrenheit) and now it's raining :(  It was supposed to be a bushfire summer (as opposed to a flood summer) so I was ready for hot, dry and humid.  Nope, it's hot, humid and wet ATM which is annoying me no end.  At least the garden looks good.  

[bigskygirl]

I am very picky about who I want to know in cases of family emergencies. I made a bad mistake of calling my in-laws the night my husband was diagnosed with his illness and admitted into the hospital almost fifteen years ago. They were absolutely no help and caused more problems.

 

{{{HUGS}}} and good thoughts for everyone who has family members who are sick.

[NewDigs]

People! People!

We've gone from this

Thanksgiving is coming up. What is your favorite part of the meal? Mine is the turkey leg and the mashed potatoes and gravy. I am not a big fan of turkey, but I do love leftover turkey for sandwiches or a piece of bread with turkey and hot gravy over it.

To THIS? lol

This is going to sound like a troll, because I admit it's kind of gross, but one of the few things I miss from when I still ate pork is souse, which is jellied pig head meat stewed in vinegar. You used to be able to buy it from one of the PA dutch vendors at the Union Square farmer's market. Next to that, scrapple was a big favorite, but you pretty can't get it without pork.

Been out of the loop. But enjoyed a rather intense vacay with fam to inc. 92 yr. old Mom. Traveling! Go Mom. We're very lucky with her, somewhat limited, mobility.

Good thoughts to all dealing with issues. I used to think that life got easier with age.

Some very disapponting news here BUT some wonderful conversation.

I fall on the turkey leg side for food.

I preferred candy over pennies for Halloween. Though my neighbor didn't ask age, just tossed a few into the bag. Geesh.

And it has taken me years (decades?) to get used to Florida "seasons". Though was finally able to see Fall, flying into and out of MSP. Gorgeous.

[kalamac]

When I was a kid, things like Froot Loops and Cocoa Pops were only bought during school holidays. We didn't even get them on weekends during the school term. Now that I'm an adult, of course I eat whatever the hell I want for breakfast, regardless of the time of year.

 

One thing I am happy about, as kids we were never forced to eat anything we didn't like. The rule for food at my house was if you were presented with something new, you couldn't just look at it and say you didn't like it, you had to try one bite, properly chewed and swallowed, and if you didn't like it after that, it would not be served to you again. We didn't have special meals made, just whichever bit we didn't like wouldn't go on the plate, and if we were still hungry after dinner, we could make ourselves a cheese sandwich. So I was never forced to stay at the table because I wouldn't eat peas, for example, they just weren't served to me.

[Liz Tudor]

Will you trade with me? I live in New England and we've already had snowflakes. This time a few years ago, we were without power for 10 days due to a snowstorm. Halloween was postponed.

Last winter, I had 39 inches of snow in my driveway.

I would love to live in sunny Florida, by the beach. No shoveling, no freezing temps... I could handle that.

Tradeja for about 2 weeks! I've lived in the South my whole life, although it snowed feet where I was raised (went to school about 5 days one February, had to go on Saturdays to make up missed days!). So, not ready to relive that nightmare, but I'm telling ya, having consistent heat & humidity and running the AC for 9 months isn't my cup of tea, either. Mr. Tudor (from VT) would probably enjoy all that snow, but to play in, not to shovel. He's over that, too...they lived in the country, outside town limits, so they had to plow themselves out everytime it snowed.

Guess it's a case of the grass is greener, the sand is warmer, etc., lol! ;-)

[truthtalk2014]

No doctor here- just a lover of natural medicine.  I have to jump in.  I have experienced UTI's and had friends that have been cured with apple cider vinegar (organic and with the mother).   

 

No one has to take my advice but I have had so many friends thank me for telling them about it.

 

It's great for so many things.  I like to mix it with a bit of orange juice or just filtered water. 

 

Let me know what you think and if if works of you, please start a Go Fund Me -for me of course.   KIDDING!!!  

[BitterApple]

Apple cider vinegar is the best! I buy the Bragg's and mix it with equal parts water to make a clarifying hair rinse. I also love white vinegar to clean with.

[NewDigs]

No doctor here- just a lover of natural medicine.  I have to jump in.  I have experienced UTI's and had friends that have been cured with apple cider vinegar (organic and with the mother).   

 

No one has to take my advice but I have had so many friends thank me for telling them about it.

 

It's great for so many things.  I like to mix it with a bit of orange juice or just filtered water. 

 

Let me know what you think and if if works of you, please start a Go Fund Me -for me of course.   KIDDING!!!

Also good for the gall bladder.

I'm happy to see natural meds become a bit more mainstream. Usually my first choice.

Also, imho, look to the East.

[kathe5133]

In my house you ate what was put in front of you whether or not you liked it. Since we were a Catholic family pre Vatican II, that meant no meat on Fridays. My mother would "make" Snow's Clam Chowder. It was a watery concoction which looked and tasted like warm milk with bits of rubber bands! I just could not get it down! The solution was Campbell's cheddar cheese soup for me, but other than that, no special treatment. I ate my fair share of canned veggies boiled to death, the dreaded, disgusting "boiled dinner", and countless pieces of fat and gristle with something gray attached to it, (they said it was "steak") before I was old enough to say "I'll have peanut butter". My mother was an uninspired cook. She would boil the canned veggies into mush and fry the meat until it could be used to re sole shoes! My father made the Sunday dinners and those were good. Now I love clam chowder and there is nothing like a rare steak. It's all in the preparation.

[travel17]

Every year I go to Pittsburgh so my aunt(only child) go on a vacation. She has my grandmother (step but not in my heart) who is 96, has lost her ability to walk and has dementia. She has a big problem with constipation, last year I had to take her to emergency room when she woke up screaming. She can't give you an accurate description on what hurts so it's just a guess. So this year I was terrified when she didn't go in the first week. It's so hard when she goes into the hospital because she has to be watch every minute because she pulls out IVS. This year I was really scared when I couldn't get her to go for a week.

Edited because of auto correct

Edited October 22, 2015 by travel17

[Love2dance]

Will you trade with me? I live in New England and we've already had snowflakes. This time a few years ago, we were without power for 10 days due to a snowstorm. Halloween was postponed.

Last winter, I had 39 inches of snow in my driveway.

I would love to live in sunny Florida, by the beach. No shoveling, no freezing temps... I could handle that.

OK JOE JITSU, I changed my mind. I don't want to trade with you after all! I will stop whining about my summer temps in the fall. (Nah..probably not.)

[Wellfleet]

Wellfleet, my dear dad will be working the grill next to yours at the St. Peter's Diner !!!

 

There's just something about dads and breakfast...  :)

 

You are so right. I just remembered the lamb spiedies that my Dad would grill for our Sunday dinner when I was really little, no older than 5. My Mom marinated them in some awesome Greek lemon & garlic concoction overnight, and once cooked they'd literally melt in your mouth. Fathers up and down our street, who were normally at home grilling their own Sunday dinners at noontime, would somehow always be out for a stroll on "Spiedie Day" at that time, and our yard would look like we were having a Dad convention as they gathered around my Dad, offering advice. LOL!

Edited October 22, 2015 by Wellfleet

[theredhead77]

My mom never bought sugar cereal. Kellogg's Raisin Bran was considered sugar cereal. Despite that she'd make me oatmeal or Malt o Meal where I could dump as much sugar as I wanted in it. My grandparents would buy the mini-pack of cereal for me when I came to visit. She didn't control sugar in other areas either, just the cereal. It was odd. My mom also had(has) a habit of keeping things well past their viability date. To this day I dislike Cheerios because I ate so many stale ones. Though to this day I ignore the use by date on most things. If it doesn't smell bad, taste bad or have mold on it I deem it good.

 

My mom was (is) an odd duck too. I could read VC Andrews in junior high like it was going out of style (who else called the book store to find out when the next book of whatever was coming out?) but I couldn't read Sweet Valley High because the covers were too risque. Obviously my mom never read a VC Andrews book. Anyone else have parents with bizarre logic?

[NikSac]

theredhead77 oh my gosh your whole post made me laugh. YES to the sugar piled over the not-sugary cereal. And even the Raisin Bran!  That was the only "sugary" cereal we were allowed to get. At some point she also convinced me that butter was actually used to cool off food so that's why you piled tons of it onto rice. And her "long-cuts" are famous (you know, the "shortcut" that takes twice as long as the original route). Don't get me wrong I love her and love all her quirks, but it's hard not to laugh sometimes.

[SomePity1066]

You're right, at least it beats a cup of ice cream in a freezing parking lot. They should have let Guinn plan the shower. She did a fantastic job with Jessa's bridal shower and rehearsal dinner. However when it comes to the Duggars you could give them a million dollar budget and the result would still look like a white trash disaster. They have no idea how to decorate or serve appropriate food, but they sure are adept at setting up gift registries and donation links!

 

I brought this over from the Jessa and Ben thread because I went to a baby shower like this over 25 years ago and I STILL haven't fully processed it ! I know, I need therapy, but this was one baaaaad baby shower...

 

Oh, and it was for TWINS, so please feel free to bring TWO gifts - whatever you were going to spend please DOUBLE it, or so the invitation indicated ! Klassy.

 

The shower was held at the million-dollar home of the mother-to-be's mom's house - an imposing, Tara-like mansion in the very best neighborhood in NoPityCIty. When I hit the front steps I was assaulted by a smell that could have indicated the opening of a sulpher plant. Or Hell itself. Turned out it was the result of having nearly two dozen dogs and cats - none of which had been house-or-litterbox trained - running pell mell all over the house and property and NO ONE was cleaning up anything. Literally, there were wet spots and little poo clumps everywhere ! I laugh now because I remember thinking I'd have to play the "The floor is lava !" game from when I was a kid, where you'd hop from couch to chair to love seat so you wouldn't be burned to death. 

 

Once I got in after navigating the minefield of poo I was told where to sit and that we'd be opening presents soon. There were perhaps 50 or so other women there, all dressed to the nines, and no one spoke to me. Or each other, for that matter. It was deathly silent and uncomfortable enough to make your skin crawl if it hadn't already been crawling from the poo carpet (poopet ?) and the smell. 

 

There were NO refreshments. NONE. No punch, no little canapés or candies. NOTHING. 

 

They started to open presents without an announcement or any of the usual games, though I didn't really miss that part of it, and for the next 2 1/2 hours we all sat in silence, except for the occasional "oooh" or "aaahhh", or someone's stomach rumbling ! I excused myself to the restroom, and on the way through the maze of hallways and rooms passed the kitchen. On the counter was a "cake" for the shower, and by "cake" I mean one single-layer cake from a 9 x 12 pan that hadn't even been taken out of the pan. It had been frosted haphazardly, and, inexplicably, had a handful of candles stuck in it randomly. You could tell from the wicks that they'd already been used for another "celebration", probably had the frosting sucked off, and put back in the box to use again. 

 

When I went back after using the restroom I found that all the presents were open, and it was time for the cake ! One woman, in what looked to be an Armani pantsuit, very chic and sleek and other-worldly looking, took a very quick drink from a silver flask she produced from her purse. I suspect it wasn't the first of the afternoon, nor was she the only one ! 

 

The women were all herded into the kitchen, and though I was determined to get the hell out of there and hit up a McDonald's as soon as I could, I just HAD to see what was going to happen. The candles were lit, everyone looked at their shoes while trying to figure out what the Hell to do with THAT, the mother-to-be blew them out, and then the housekeeper (I think) proceeded to cut the 9 x 12 cake into fifty squares. Or tried to. After trying to dig the first few out of the pan with a spatula it looked like someone had thrown a hand grenade in the pan, and that's when I left.

 

I swear this is ALL true - I don't think anyone could make up something that bad ! It's like if you said you went to an outdoor wedding reception in November in a parking lot where all they served was ice cream people would look at you like you'd flipped your lid, but that's exactly what people got from the Duggars !

 

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction...

 

 

[kalamac]

I was a big reader as a child, picking it up at 3 when mum was teaching my older brother, and as an introvert who preferred to be left alone, reading was the best thing ever to me. I started trying to raid my mother's bookshelf when I was 7, and had exhausted the other books in the house. At first she tried to stop me, but when she realised I was going to be sneaking her books as soon as she was out of the room no matter what punishments she threatened me with, we came up with a deal: I could read whatever I wanted (Including things like her Stephen King collection), on the condition that if there was anything in the books that I didn't understand, I would come to her and she would explain it to me. I still consider it one of the best things she ever did for me. And I still remember the first grown-up book I ever read from her bookshelf - Mary Higgins Clark's A Stranger Is Watching.

[magpye29]

Anyone else have parents with bizarre logic?

 

Oh, honey, I could write a book about it!  Oh, wait, I AM writing a book about it!  (Seriously!)

 

My mother had only been 15 for six weeks when she had me, and by the time she was 19, there were 3 of us, spaced 2 years apart.  My mom had the screwiest rules about everything, and none of them made any sense.  For instance, we could only have one ice cube in a drink, even if it was warm from the can.  Of course you pour warm liquid over an ice cube, and then there's no ice cube.  Why, you ask?  Because my mother doesn't like ice in her drinks, and she really hated filling and refilling ice trays.

 

My aunt bought me books from the time I was six years old, staring with the Bobbsey Twins and going all the way through pretty much every series you can think of.  When it came to Nancy Drew or the Dana Girls, my mother wouldn't let me read them until she read them first.  Not because she was concerned about content, but because she wanted to be the one who read them first!

 

I wasn't allowed to be in the senior class play because in my junior year, I had been in a play at a boys' school two towns over, and we were kept a little later for rehearsal, so I was a few minutes late getting home.  The summer after I graduated, my mother forbade me to be in a show I'd practiced all summer for--ON THE DAY OF THE SHOW!  Then, when my friends left without me, she said if she'd known the show was that day she would have let me go.  But she wouldn't give me a ride to the show.

 

We weren't allowed to have seconds of meat at dinner unless we also took seconds of all the other dishes.

 

My parents would punish me by taking away my violin lessons.  Then they would say things like, "You'd be such a good violinist if you would just practice more!"  (I sat second chair in my high school orchestra in senior year.)  I wanted to take piano lessons, but we didn't have a piano, so my mother made me take violin instead because the school provided the instruments.  I took lessons all the way from 3rd grade till graduation (except then I was being punished), when I had to give back my violin.  When my sister wanted to take piano, my parents got a piano.  My sister quit lessons within 6 months.  

 

Oh, I could go on and on.  But I won't.

[NikSac]

I brought this over from the Jessa and Ben thread because I went to a baby shower like this over 25 years ago and I STILL haven't fully processed it ! I know, I need therapy, but this was one baaaaad baby shower...

 

Oh, and it was for TWINS, so please feel free to bring TWO gifts - whatever you were going to spend please DOUBLE it, or so the invitation indicated ! Klassy.

 

The shower was held at the million-dollar home of the mother-to-be's mom's house - an imposing, Tara-like mansion in the very best neighborhood in NoPityCIty. When I hit the front steps I was assaulted by a smell that could have indicated the opening of a sulpher plant. Or Hell itself. Turned out it was the result of having nearly two dozen dogs and cats - none of which had been house-or-litterbox trained - running pell mell all over the house and property and NO ONE was cleaning up anything. Literally, there were wet spots and little poo clumps everywhere ! I laugh now because I remember thinking I'd have to play the "The floor is lava !" game from when I was a kid, where you'd hop from couch to chair to love seat so you wouldn't be burned to death. 

 

Once I got in after navigating the minefield of poo I was told where to sit and that we'd be opening presents soon. There were perhaps 50 or so other women there, all dressed to the nines, and no one spoke to me. Or each other, for that matter. It was deathly silent and uncomfortable enough to make your skin crawl if it hadn't already been crawling from the poo carpet (poopet ?) and the smell. 

 

There were NO refreshments. NONE. No punch, no little canapés or candies. NOTHING. 

 

They started to open presents without an announcement or any of the usual games, though I didn't really miss that part of it, and for the next 2 1/2 hours we all sat in silence, except for the occasional "oooh" or "aaahhh", or someone's stomach rumbling ! I excused myself to the restroom, and on the way through the maze of hallways and rooms passed the kitchen. On the counter was a "cake" for the shower, and by "cake" I mean one single-layer cake from a 9 x 12 pan that hadn't even been taken out of the pan. It had been frosted haphazardly, and, inexplicably, had a handful of candles stuck in it randomly. You could tell from the wicks that they'd already been used for another "celebration", probably had the frosting sucked off, and put back in the box to use again. 

 

When I went back after using the restroom I found that all the presents were open, and it was time for the cake ! One woman, in what looked to be an Armani pantsuit, very chic and sleek and other-worldly looking, took a very quick drink from a silver flask she produced from her purse. I suspect it wasn't the first of the afternoon, nor was she the only one ! 

 

The women were all herded into the kitchen, and though I was determined to get the hell out of there and hit up a McDonald's as soon as I could, I just HAD to see what was going to happen. The candles were lit, everyone looked at their shoes while trying to figure out what the Hell to do with THAT, the mother-to-be blew them out, and then the housekeeper (I think) proceeded to cut the 9 x 12 cake into fifty squares. Or tried to. After trying to dig the first few out of the pan with a spatula it looked like someone had thrown a hand grenade in the pan, and that's when I left.

 

I swear this is ALL true - I don't think anyone could make up something that bad ! It's like if you said you went to an outdoor wedding reception in November in a parking lot where all they served was ice cream people would look at you like you'd flipped your lid, but that's exactly what people got from the Duggars !

 

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction...

 

Dang, and I thought I'd been to the world's tackiest shower where they sent out intimate details about the bride's sizes - including underwear, bra, lingerie at various stores, etc. - but I think this one tops it. Wow.

[SomePity1066]

Dang, and I thought I'd been to the world's tackiest shower where they sent out intimate details about the bride's sizes - including underwear, bra, lingerie at various stores, etc. - but I think this one tops it. Wow.

How about a wedding invitation that included - I'm not shitting you here - an actual bank deposit slip from the bride and groom's joint checking account ! Just in case you couldn't make the wedding or didn't have a stamp to send a card - you could just deposit your "gift check" directly to the bank - no muss, no fuss !

 

Nothing says wedded bliss like including your ABA and routing numbers ! I'm swooning over the romance !

Edited October 22, 2015 by SomePity1066

[NikSac]

How about a wedding invitation that included - I'm not shitting you here - an actual bank deposit slip from the bride and groom's joint checking account ! Just in case you couldn't make the wedding or didn't have a stamp to send a card - you could just deposit your "gift check" directly to the bank - no muss, no fuss !

 

Nothing says wedded bliss than including your ABA and routing numbers ! I'm swooning over the romance !

 

Well now that's romantic... sheesh that's really bad. I've been to plenty of showers and weddings that basically asked for money but usually they at least try to be subtle about it.

[NextIteration]

Lord help you if my mother was ever off having a baby or had any other medical malady that got you stuck having my father cook for you (outside of grilling meat)!

 

Milk toast for breakfast and dinners made up of everything left over in the refrigerator for dinner.  Scary stuff!

 

Because my mom went off to work when I was about seven (working overtime for most the months from November through February every year), I purposed to learn how to cook easy dinners myself, so that we didn't starve or get food poisoning. lol

Edited October 22, 2015 by NextIteration

[Wellfleet]

I'm in SoCal too! My perfect fall/winter would be temps between 70 and 75 degrees.  For me, that's sweater weather. Anything under 65 is tundra! Last winter was awful though, I don't think it went below 80 where I live. A few hours ago it was perfect, low 70s and warm winds, felt like fall! Now I think it will hit 80.

 

The el nino year should be interesting - great for outdoor water savings. I'm worried about mudslides in some of the fire areas. There were wildfires a little east of me last year that stripped the hillsides of vegetation. We need the rain, but hope it isn't too much. 

 

Everything IS relative, isn't it? "Anything under 65 is tundra..."  And no doubt this is true in CA. Then you have my university in upstate New York, where it is completely normal to see the boys walking to class - wearing cargo shorts - in 20-degree weather. Even without a weather forecast, if the boys on our campus were wearing LONG pants, we knew it was REALLY cold outside.

Edited October 22, 2015 by Wellfleet

[SomePity1066]

Oh, honey, I could write a book about it!  Oh, wait, I AM writing a book about it!  (Seriously!)

Magpye29 - I will buy your book ! Looks like a bunch of us here have the market cornered on crazy, illogical moms, and, while it's heartbreaking sometimes, I'm drawn to reading about them. Helps to clear away the cobwebs...

 

My own mother used to talk to me like I was her therapist - starting at age 3 or 4. Seriously. She'd sit with me while I was coloring or playing with my dolls and tell me all sorts of reeeeealllly inappropriate stuff about her first marriage, her marriage to my dad, her parents, and on and on. I was, of course, too young to grasp what was really going on, but I knew it was bad. By the first grade I knew every single person in our family/neighborhood who had a drug or alcohol problem, had a bad marriage, had had an affair, a child out of wedlock, an abortion, an on and on. 

 

I didn't realize until I was much older that my mother was profoundly mentally ill and needed treatment - which she dodged for decades and my family just put up with by ignoring it. I think they actually did more harm than my mom did because I was always the crazy one for pointing things out that they insisted didn't happen. 

 

I probably sound bitter here - Hell, I know I do - but her favorite thing to do to me was to call me at work or school (I'm talking grade or high school here) and tell me that a family member or friend who I loved dearly had died, and then say "Well, nothing you can do about it now... !" and hang up, leaving me to finish the day in tears, wondering why she'd called at all when they'd, honestly, still be dead when I got home. When I got my first "real" job after college I didn't give her my direct line and asked the front desk to never ever put her through or take specific messages. There were three instances where she told me someone was dead when they were very much alive. 

 

Wow - I'm writing waaay too much here, so I'm gonna shut up now, but it's...cathartic. This is like free therapy ! Thanks to all for "listening".

 

 

 

[magpye29]

There were three instances where she told me someone was dead when they were very much alive.

 

 

 

I can't even imagine that.  My mother did track me down at the theatre company in college (by phone) to tell me my great-aunt had died.  I burst into tears in the office and had to calm myself enough to drive home.  Gah.

 

Why do parents torment their kids?  

 

My book is about halfway done.  My book club read the manuscript and had mostly positive things to say.  The negative things were extremely helpful, except for the one woman (the bitch of the group) who informed me that one of the scenes was completely unbelievable and she didn't buy it for a minute--except she couldn't remember which one it was!  I've tried to fictionalize events so I could write about the things that hurt without it being too obvious what actually happened, and at this point, the characters are taking over the story so that it's no longer my personal journey, but nearly everything has its roots in truth.

 

Confession:  I did NOT lose the hair on one side of my head to a tragic encounter with Cherries Jubilee.  But I could have.

[Purpose to defraud]

I'm in FL, and though I love the beach, I can't stand it being so warm for soooo looong. It's too much of the same. I grew up in distinct seasons and miss them. It doesn't feel like Halloween is coming up at all; I can't get into it, because it feels like what early September "should" for me. I was a sweaty mess at Thanksgiving last year; cooked just for 2, but it was almost too warm for that kind of heavy meal. Lastly, on Christmas Eve, it was in the 80s sand I was in shorts & melting. It was bizzare to see Christmas decorations when my body was thinking "summer." I miss my fall/winter clothes, I'll get to use some for about 2 months, if I'm lucky. Many folks think it would be great to live in a warmer climate (and in January when there's snow up to your butt, I get it!) but do you REALLY want it to be July for 9 months? Sorry to seem whiny and complainy, but I missing fall a lot right now!

No, I would not like it to be July for 9 months! I love the four seasons. Winter can be rough here in NY, but it is so beautiful.

Apple cider vinegar is the best! I buy the Bragg's and mix it with equal parts water to make a clarifying hair rinse. I also love white vinegar to clean with.

It just about cures poison ivy. And I am a gardener, for both love and money, so I need stuff to combat poison ivy.

[Micks Picks]

Oh gosh, LMAO here at the horrible shower stories.  That's after being horrified at the food stories.  I grew up culturally ignorant because we were 3000 miles from family.  Hearing about the food here reminds me of the few times I came across it on a visit.  To this day I eat very little, and very plain food.  I never learned to cook, and grew up mostly in boarding schools and there was no connection between me the student and the kitchen at all.  Same at home really.  At my grandmother's house my memory is turning the fire on under a cast iron skillet until the smoke was thick and then throwing a big great steak on it.  Oh yum.  I could eat my fill.  It was so good.  

 

My cooking is so bad my dog won't eat kibble.   I laughed tonight because he refused his food again so I took the bowl of kibble to the neighbor who made a big deal and gave it to him.  He wiggled his whole body and ate it up.  It's five dollar a pound dog food, good for him, and he doesn't dislike it.  But he gets like me and won't eat.  I don't mind if I don't but it bothers me if he doesn't for several days.  But if somebody else offers it, all is great.

 

I have to be put under anesthesia at a dentist.  I learned the hard way that their numbing meds have no effect on me at all.  It has no effect on my feet either unfortunately.  But I suffered through a procedure anyway.  Well, I've been catching reading up here forever, so going to rest my eyes and walk around a bit.  Be well everyone.

[Catlyn]

Hugs to everyone suffering mentally and/or physically!  It seems to be a tough year for everyone all around!

 

Me, I'm in Maryland and as I told my cold weathered cousins in Minnesota and Upper Michigan, this is as far north as I'm going.  I get my four seasons, winters are relatively mild, we usually get a good snowstorm so we can say we had winter, then we start looking forward to spring.  Summers are hot and humid, but I can handle that. If winters are too cold, I'm hibernating underneath blankets and wearing sweaters or sweats.  As one Facebook meme says, "I love sweatshirt weather, no one can tell if I'm wearing a bra, or if I'm wearing what I slept in under it!) 

[BitterApple]

It just about cures poison ivy. And I am a gardener, for both love and money, so I need stuff to combat poison ivy.

Wow, I wish I'd known that last summer. I got a horrible case of poison ivy after mowing my mother's lawn. Do you have to dilute the ACV before you apply it?

[Purpose to defraud]

I don't, just apply with a cotton ball. I even wash my hands with it when I know I have been near poison ivy, it works well. Dries it up quickly without drying out your skin.

[Twopper]

Oh, I meant to report on my luncheon where tomato aspic was on the menu.

 

It looked like they  cut it in cubes --1.5 x 1.5 x 1.5 inches-- and it was served on a bed of lettuce with about a tablespoon of mayo on top. That was a tablespoon too much mayo so I tried to remove it discreetly and hide it under the lettuce which I didn't eat because it was under the aspic. I was able to eat about 1/4 of the aspic which I think was made with V8 as there were just a few tiny slivers of celery in it.  

 

I have lived my life in the lands of great humidity--DC to NOLA-- and dream of a spot with low humidity, highs in the low 80's in summer, but near a beach with warm water for swimming. Highs in the mid 50's for most of the winter with maybe 3 decent snowfalls that don't hang around very long. No tornadoes, hurricanes, mudslides or wildfires need apply. Mosquitoes and deer flies and ticks are not welcome, either.  The best climate for me is around Charlottesville, VA, but it is farther from the beach than I prefer.  Hubby is from Texas and when he was stationed in Germany he came across an ad for something (soap? lotion?) that claimed to be "mild as the summer sun." He still laughs about that.

 

 

[Liz Tudor]

twopper, you just described my ideals, too! I went to school in C'ville and loved it, but you're right, it's a little too far from the beach. I had those exact conditions where I last lived (in north MS) and LOVED it, but it was also too far from the beach. My hope & dream is to return to the Tidewater area or maybe North Carolina.

[Wellfleet]

Wow, I wish I'd known that last summer. I got a horrible case of poison ivy after mowing my mother's lawn. Do you have to dilute the ACV before you apply it?

 

Apple cider vinegar - ACV - is my big discovery for the year! SO GLAD I learned about this. Wonderful stuff - very helpful for the rosacea I've had to 20 years. Be sure to get the organic kind with the "mother" - the healing properties and benefits are far better and more powerful than a bottle of processed Heinz. Although to be fair, Heinz is just fine for cooking, canning and preserving etc. But in general, the less processed foods are, the better they are for us. From my reading, it seems that some people need to dilute the ACV with water or it'll dry their skin. For others, straight-up ACV is no problem. PS - Fels Naptha soap is also a very effective remedy for poison ivy. if you're unfamiliar, it's a really old brand of soap, usually found in the laundry section. The women in my family have used it for about 100 years. I got a bar in the "moving out" box my Mom gave me for my first apartment, and it's a champion stain remover too. No kidding, it can handle blueberries, mustard - all the biggies.

 

ETA - PS - Fels Naptha is very hard-milled. Lasts forever. Took me about 5 years to use up my first bar - and I used it regularly.

Edited October 22, 2015 by Wellfleet

[Ilovemylabs]

You are so right. I just remembered the lamb spiedies that my Dad would grill for our Sunday dinner when I was really little, no older than 5. My Mom marinated them in some awesome Greek lemon & garlic concoction overnight, and once cooked they'd literally melt in your mouth. Fathers up and down our street, who were normally at home grilling at their own houses around noontime on Sundays, would somehow always be out for a stroll on "Spiedie Day" at that time, and our yard would look like we were having a Dad convention as they gathered around my Dad, offering advice. LOL!

OMG!  I love spiedes!

[Missy Vixen]

Lets talk about this one. An embroidered elephant for you, HFC.

I was at a conference all last weekend and today's the first day I've checked in. Could someone please send me a PM or something? To say I'm more confused than usual is an understatement.

[Satchels of gold]

Got a call frome the state department , the team from Central Asia will be at my house filming from 11/3-11/8 other than that I am having a really awful day. Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

[GeeGolly]

I don't really have any weird mom stories other than I could pretty much do whatever I want. I always chalked it up to being the youngest of 4 kids. In later years my mom told me that I was "born with common sense". I think her leniency was probably due to her being burnt out on child rearing, returning to work, and the fact that even when I was younger I did usually think before I acted.

 

I do remember walking up to the mom & pop pharmacy/convenience store to by the book The Exorcist, when I was around 10 years old. The clerk there wouldn't allow me to purchase it. When I got home and told my mom she sent my older brother up the street to buy it for me.  

Edited October 22, 2015 by GeeGolly