Small Talk: 90 Words Per Minute

[Christina]

40 minutes ago, Desert Rat said:

The problem is that the term third world country has nothing whatever to do with a nation's relative wealth.

But that is how it's used; the definition has completely morphed into something else, which is what the NPR article was explaining. There are tons of articles out there, though, it's just the one I decided to link. "Third world" has become synonymous with "economically poor country," and hasn't been used to denote a country's alliance during the Cold War for many years, but instead to label a country in financial distress, and is taken as a derogatory/discriminatory term used to say that those countries are at the bottom of the trash heap and "first world" countries are at the top. 

If "third world" is being used to discuss a country's' alliance in a political sense, it wouldn't be offensive, but that isn't what the OP who mentioned the use of the word being incorrect was addressing when he/she first commented (in the Paul thread?). For example, when it comes to the 90 Day Fiance franchise, people are talking about the Americans going to these impoverished areas to find a spouse for reasons that reflect poorly on the Americans, but not that they are going to areas that had no affiliation to the US during the Cold War. Sean and Paul are selecting women that they can control with money, because their areas are so destitute, and the women are willing to put up with the putz's for the same reason.

[Ivanova]

I think that from either way you look at it, the term "third world" has a demeaning connotation. 

One is the whole "are you with us or against us" message.

The other, like has been noted, has an underlying idea of some countries being "the white castle on the hill" that others need to look up to. This approach seems very unfair to me because for many developing countries the reason why they are still developing is because they have been invaded, enslaved and robbed for centuries by the developed nations. Also, if we take the example of the US, where every person has a car, but nobody has universal healthcare and affordable higher education, what category would we place it in?

I understand that a big part and maybe the whole point of this show is to doubt all the foreing spouses' motives and question if they are in it for the green card. Still I believe that this can be approached in a more civilized manner.

It's like calling someone a "second class citizen".

Edited August 22, 2017 by Ivanova

[Gigglepuff]

And the irony of it all considering that Paul comes from a state where, in the Appalachian counties, many people live in abject poverty. Some of them have no running water or electricity and their standard of living is lower than some people in developing nations. Sadly, it appears as though life is not getting better for people in some parts of rural Kentucky. 

 

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/nov/12/beattyville-kentucky-and-americas-poorest-towns

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/29/magazine/whats-the-matter-with-eastern-kentucky.html

[poeticlicensed]

2 minutes ago, Swim mom said:

In conclusion,  if the US were to give everyone free healthcare, like the EU, tomorrow, and impose a vatax or higher gas tax, like the EU, tomorrow, as a whole, we'd likely have about the same standard of living that we have now.

No such thing as a free lunch. I get so freaking aggravated when people talk about how we Americans pay too much tax, we are being gouged by the govt. Then don't think twice about putting their kids on a govt purchased school bus that drives on govt built roads to the public schools their kids attend. And call the police and fire dept when they have an emergency. Where the hell do they think the money comes from to supply those services. Everyone wants something for free, it seems. Personally, I would prefer that money tax dollars go to basic services like healthcare. That way there is no inequity in cost. Why does it make sense that healthcare is attached to employment anyway. It just sets up all kinds of problems like we have now. 

[Ivanova]

They don't use powerful cars that consume a lot of gas, plus they mostly use public transport, or even bike everywhere, like in Holland. So it's not a big expense. Definitely not compared to healthcare, that's also highly regulated by governments, so a hospital can't charge you 80 dollars for a tylenol. If the US gave people universal healthcare, the living standard would remain the same, no, it would be a life changing improvement for most people who can't afford it now, so why doesn't the US do it. We are not talking about what would be, we are comparing lifestyles in different countries and trying to understand why one is called first world and another third. A prerson may have an outdoor toilet, but their teeth wouldn't rot because fillings are free, things like that. Or won't get diabetes and obesity because gmo and hormones in food is banned in that country.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Ivanova

[Ivanova]

25 minutes ago, Swim mom said:

I think food and housing are more basic than healthcare. Shouldn't food and housing be free?

Yes, for underprivileged people, and they are, and I hope these programs will not be cut. It's a sign of a healthy society.

25 minutes ago, Swim mom said:

In Germany, for example, a child will be tested in our equivalent of 4th or 5th grade, and will be assigned to one of three secondary schools. One is for university bound students, one is for tradespeople, or lower level university majors

And it's a great example of how your education depends on your hard work rather then on your parent's wealth. You can transition upwards after 5th grade, too, if you get good grades.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Ivanova

[checker]

16 minutes ago, poeticlicensed said:

No such thing as a free lunch. 

Health care isn't "free" in the EU.

It's different all over but I can say that approx. 20% is AUTOMATICALLY deducted from my gross salary MONTHLY for "free" health care insurance;

20% for old-age retirement money (min. existence), 20% for taxes. Deductions for unemployment insurance, religion, childlessness, old-age , reunification, ETC. on top.

When you need dental work, glasses, the pill, cancer screening, eye-pressure tests, etc. you have to pay for it, straight up.

Kids from wealthy families always get pushed into University. There are no true grades, it's fixed. It's a scandal that kids get sorted out already in the fourth grade as "blue-collar", "white collar".

[poeticlicensed]

30 minutes ago, checker said:

Health care isn't "free" in the EU.

My point exactly. Nothing is for free anywhere. But in the US, people expect services from the govt, like schools and roads, but many  don't want to pay for them. I'm not sure where people expect the $$ to come from for these services, if not for tax dollars. As a government employee, it irritates the crap out of me that we who work to educate your children and respond to your emergency call are treated like we are great big sucks on the poor taxpayer. 

[checker]

40 minutes ago, Swim mom said:

I had forgotten that Europe has state funded religions. That's right, religion is a basic right. 

I demand my free religion!

I demand free TV!

[Desert Rat]

4 hours ago, Ivanova said:

Yes, for underprivileged people, and they are, and I hope these programs will not be cut. It's a sign of a healthy society.

And it's a great example of how your education depends on your hard work rather then on your parent's wealth. You can transition upwards after 5th grade, too, if you get good grades.

The schools in the EU are based on wealth and family status. Wealthy kids go to the best schools. If the grades aren't good enough, the family pays to get the child in. It's a very corrupt system. 

4 hours ago, Ivanova said:

They don't use powerful cars that consume a lot of gas, plus they mostly use public transport, or even bike everywhere, like in Holland. So it's not a big expense. Definitely not compared to healthcare, that's also highly regulated by governments, so a hospital can't charge you 80 dollars for a tylenol. If the US gave people universal healthcare, the living standard would remain the same, no, it would be a life changing improvement for most people who can't afford it now, so why doesn't the US do it. We are not talking about what would be, we are comparing lifestyles in different countries and trying to understand why one is called first world and another third. A prerson may have an outdoor toilet, but their teeth wouldn't rot because fillings are free, things like that. Or won't get diabetes and obesity because gmo and hormones in food is banned in that country.

If healthcare is so great in the EU, why do wealthy Europeans come to the U.S. for their healthcare needs?  Because the healthcare system in the U.S. is far more advanced and superior to any other.  

Also, guess where the best doctors come from all over the world to train and work?  That's right, the US.  Doctors get the best education and training here and when they are done they stay.  They stay here because the they are not adequately compensated in the EU and other places and the quality and standard of practice is better here. Just ask some doctors. Look that the list of doctors in your state board. A large number are from the EU and other countries.  And then ask them what they think of so called universal healthcare, which is in reality not universal and not very good healthcare. 

Edited August 22, 2017 by Desert Rat

[Gigglepuff]

I disagree slightly with you @Desert Rat. The US does have some of the best hospitals in the world, there is no doubt about that. But I don't agree that the overall healthcare system is far more advanced or superior to any other. The problem is the accessibility to those best hospitals and treatment.  Of course the rich from all over the world can afford to fly and be treated anywhere they chose. I lived for years in the UK and worked at three NHS hospitals, one of them being King's. There were tons of wealthy foreign patients who chose to be treated by the doctors there. King's see thousands of international patients every year in their private wings as do other London hospitals. Great Ormond Street Children's hospital also sees many children of wealthy foreign parents. There are plenty of foreign born physicians there who would say that the UK's two-tiered system works best and who heartily criticized the American system. Doctors are well paid in the US, that is very true, but it's not like they're making poverty wages elsewhere. A GP in the UK can still make over $200 K a year, and that's on the low end, no GP there will earn millions but a specialist easily could. 

I think that people who live or work in just about any country are always going to think that their system is the best. Part of it is what we're conditioned to. Also, the US has the one of the lowest overall life expectancies in the Western world, so other countries are definitely doing something better overall. 

[Christina]

I'm not going to tell you the actual amount I pay for property tax, because the heads exploding would decimate the posters in this thread. When I moved to the area, I purchased a foreclosure that needed work. Because the area is disadvantaged in the first place, property values were lower to begin with and my home being empty and in need of repair during the last assessment period resulted in a tax bill that I showed my mom (who had lived here for years at that point) and said, "My house is going to be auctioned for nonpayment of taxes because they moved a decimal point on the bill they sent me," and she looked and said, "Nope."

My uncle moved here from New Jersey and bought a mobile home on five acres of land. The mobile homes are taxed differently, but the tax on the land had him confused because he thought it was for a month not a year. He had filled out the Homestead Exemption forms and because he was over 65 and a veteran, the annual tax amount was less than the annual school tax in NJ. Our school tax here is tiny and it shows in the school system, but no one will vote to increase it because they complain about the tax increase, which as I mentioned, isn't anything. My area is a lot of rural land so the farmers would be hit harder than the mere property owners, but you would think they would after reading the annual school reports showing that neighboring counties do better in subjects like science, because our high school (in particular) cannot teach the most recent curriculum since the school doesn't have a classroom that meets code, and there is no where to place another mobile unit. 

Before becoming disabled, I worked as a paralegal doing mostly contract disputes between businesses that required me to read way more tax returns than I would ever want to read and no one who made enough money to have a CPA paid 33% tax and many, if not most, paid less than I did because of the breaks and the legal creative accounting that level of income can provide. Because of this very normal accounting practice, I had the personal tax returns for almost every case that wasn't a straight up dispute over billing, even for S and C corporations, since creditors required personal guarantees if the business made less than $5 million annually. (As an aside, LLCs are not the protection people think they are, especially when they pay personal bills from business accounts; seriously bad idea. Oh, and get a CPA.)

There will never be a unanimous agreement on what taxes should pay. I'm more than willing to pay extra taxes for our schools to be better and don't take the disabled exemption for that reason, but get pissed when people who earned triple my annual income paid less, usually a lot less, on their Federal and State Income Tax.

I worked an hour away from home because the pay was better and I was the sole income for my family. You could always tell when my county ended and another started when driving to work during winter, because suddenly the snow drifts were cleared from the road. We're an economically poor county with no hospital, wells for water, septic tanks for sewage, electric service that goes out during storms several times a year, a river that snakes through the county that floods every time they release the dam to keep the larger city an hour away from flooding, two major grocery stores with a few gas stations stocking groceries as opposed to the regular convenience items because we also have no public transportation including taxi service, one McDonalds and one Subway. Oh, and there are still people who use outhouses because the Federal Government had a credit to build indoor plumbing, but the County would have to match a third (I think) and the taxpayers voted it down. They cannot sell the homes and be considered habitable except to the Amish, so people decided that they didn't want the government telling people how they had to live, even though they were offering the majority of the money for people to have additions and wells put on their homes. 

[Arwen Evenstar]

Katy ISD in Katy, Texas spent $70 MM on ONE high school,stadium.  There are schools in nearby Houston that are using 50 year old textbooks and don't have working toilets.  Most affluent parts of Houston have had brand new / upgraded  school buildings. I don't have any kids, and it upsets me no end to see so many kids shortchanged of an education that might help them find their way out of poverty--because they have to attend substandard schools and get a substandard education.

Edited August 24, 2017 by Arwen Evenstar
Afterthought

[Gigglepuff]

I appreciate and get your input @Swim mom. You're right that stats can be skewed, but still, I don't think it's fair to say that other countries don't have good health care and that the American system is far superior to all others. If that were the case, wouldn't other countries have much lower life expectancy at age 65 than other highly developed, industrialized countries?  Remembering back from when I lived in Europe, I recall that some European systems place a lot more importance on preventative and therapeutic treatments than we do. For example, a friend's mother (in Germany) suffered from arthritis, and her pain management plan was not limited to medication. She was provided with a membership to a spa that had hot tubs and saltwater pools, massage therapy, physio, and so on. Here, that sort of spa would require a private membership, but there it was considered to be part of treatment and she and other people who were elderly or disabled benefited greatly. It didn't cure her of course, but still helped to manage her symptoms and it was prescribed for her, right along with whatever medication she was on. 

[Arwen Evenstar]

1 hour ago, Swim mom said:

@Arwen Evenstar stay safe and keep your head down.

Thanks for the good wishes.  Hoping that if we're going to get as much rain as they think we are that we all get it in slow steady doses so our drainage systems can keep up. It will largely be a rain event for us.  Never seen such widespread flooding forecast for Texas in memory for the 50 years I've lived in the state.

[JenE4]

Oh, no! Guys, I done goofed!* (*Flashback to some stupid online video my daughter watched a decade-ish ago.) I saw this in my DVR but thought it was a replay of the last season and ignored and ultimately deleted. I decided to check in here assuming they were replaying to get us psyched for a new season of this show and realized this WAS the new season. A few episodes are still on my cable On Demand, but not all of them. So, not only did I miss the series, but--more tragically--following along with all of the snarky fun of this group! [Sob!] If there are specific episodes that I must absolutely track down online (e.g., some REALLY good Danielle/Mohammed or Jorge/Anifisa drama), please let me know! Likewise, point me to the threads that I must read from beginning to end, please! Thanks in advance!

[Sprockets]

I'm sure someone must have already asked this.  Every Sunday I see a "More to Love" scheduled for 7:00 and I record it.  And every week I get fooled because it's a repeat of last week's show.  Isn't it?  I fast forward through it, and it looks like what I've already seen.  But the show description says it's first-run, premiere, etc.  Can anyone tell me about this?  

[Sprockets]

Thanks.  I guess I missed those when I was fast-forwarding.  

[Major Bigtime]

This is great!! Producers will probably start looking for this guy and hook him up.

http://shareably.co/woman-scams-scammer/?utm_source=invent_fb_share&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=funny

[AZChristian]

Thanks for starting our day with a good laugh.

Mr. AZC and I are gettin' up in years, and sometimes discuss things about what will happen when one of us is gone.  Whenever we watch this show, we look at each other and solemnly promise that (1) we will not go on dating sites, and (2) if we ignore agreement number 1, we will NOT get involved with people who ask for money or want to move here from other countries.

[Arwen Evenstar]

That was awesome!  I might have to start calling my hubs Wee Mustache! 

[Christina]

I once fell down a black hole on a site that posted the back and forths of scammers having the tables turned on them. It was hilarious but a major time waster. When they got the scammer on the hook, they would do things to cost that person time and money, like getting the scammer to wire them money to prove that there was actually an account, since Western Union Shop (TM the story) couldn't find the account. The scams almost all start out the same way, and it is really hard to see how people can fall for them.

When I worked for an attorney, I once read several research papers on how the scams work for business, because we had a few clients that were taken. It is almost the exact same process as the love scams and most of the business owners who fall for them are intelligent and knowledgeable when it comes to business. There were the ones who would be taken by the chance at quick money, like what happens with Ponzi schemes, and talked themselves out of any doubts, but the majority of the scammers were just very good con artists and excellent liars. Any question was met with a plausible answer and the conmen did research on that particular businesses first. 

There is a whole process as it pertains about when you do what to lure the victim in, and after reading one psychologist's paper on the victims of the love cons, I've never questioned how someone can fall for it. Most of the time, the victims are going through a personal crisis, and many had recently lost their long-term partner, typically to death but sometimes just a breakup. The conmen are able to give them hope and something to look forward to, which causes a biochemical reaction that suppresses the biochemical reaction caused by the doubt. After the fact, if the person was honest with themselves, it would be clear as day that they were being conned from the get go. Even after they can no longer lie to themselves about it, the victims have a problem letting go of conman (or woman), because the pull of "better thing" is just so strong. When it comes to business and you are dealing with money as opposed to love, the anger of the betrayal of trust and loss of money is stronger than the pull of the "great opportunity," so the person swindled hits the "stages of grief*" quicker, and doesn't get stuck in the denial stage like in the love scams.

That diatribe aside, when you read the Facebook messages posted in the link above, it is clear that he was a scammer from the first message, and I have to remind myself that someone who fell for it shouldn't be scorned or mocked. Then, those people appear on these shows, and the only possible reaction is snark. There is no question that Mohamed, Lowo, the Filipino who is scamming Larry, and the entire Cortney/Antonio situation are obvious scams, and can't find any sympathy for the entire lot, predators and prey. The appropriate response for the Americans should be the same as the British women in the link, but in those couples, the Americans are predators, too. So, I've decided that anyone who signs up to do a show produced by Sharp Entertainment or that will appear on TLC waive their right to not be judged by me for their stupidity.

Meri from Sister Wives was warned from the very beginning about her catfisher, but even after it was proved to her, she still didn't block the woman who was scamming her. She was completely in love with the fictional character, and if she blocked the number, she lost the link with her fantasy. I was waiting and willing to give her my sympathies for being taken in by a sociopath, even though she was warned and decided to block those people instead. She refused to own up to what happened though, instead deciding to insist that the psycho targeted her to try and break up her polygamist family and that she had no intentions of leaving, proof to the contrary be damned! 

*The "Stages of Grief" module is a hot button issue. Although all psychologists agree that all people grieve differently and not everyone will go through all the stages, many don't agree that there are "stages" at all. I still used it because I think it explains the denial/acceptance "stage" of my point. 

[ethalfrida]

I am confused... Which series are we watching tonight?

And what are the viewing options? Like besides TLC?

Thank you, I have never been so excited to watch this show! Oh, wait, I stopped watching because I couldn't stand Danielle.

[MrSmith]

OK. Somewhere on this board, someone posted that we should check out "My Online Bride" on Netflix. Oh. My. God. If you have not, that should be your first priority in your free time. Do nothing else with your free time until you have watched "My Online Bride". It is all kinds of delightfully horrible; a solid 90 minutes of nothing but train wreckage. Damn. TLC needs to take a page out of the playbook of whoever filmed "My Online Bride" because that show is so much better by being so much worse than 90 Day Fiance could ever aspire to be.

[OoogleEyes]

5 hours ago, MrSmith said:

check out "My Online Bride" on Netflix. Oh. My. God. If you have not, that should be your first priority in your free time. Do nothing else with your free time until you have watched "My Online Bride". 

Wowza.  This just confirms that these men are interested Thai and Phillipino women because "They are beautiful, slim,and take care of the men"

Ick.

[MrSmith]

@OoogleEyes Oh, yeah. The whole power dynamic between the men and the foreign women is just slimy and, in my opinion, completely unethical. I was amazed at how unattractive the men were. Only that young guy who banged Tetiana was reasonable attractive. I thought it was horrible how he basically dumped her after having sex with her. That whole industry should really be shut down, in my opinion. It just reeks of human trafficking. If I were single, I could never go that route to find a wife. I would fail because I would actually want to get to know these women and they me; basically like online dating. The way things are with people who use the marriage brokers, it really is just "shopping for girls" (Thank you, David Bowie!) - and the women expect the men to pick one and marry her. It's grotesque and revolting.

[LocalGovt]

Can I ask everyone's opinion on something (just want to make sure I'm not overlooking anything).

I work for a small municipality. Aside from a female officer who works 1 day every two weeks (if that), I am the only woman of around a 14 member staff.

Everything was fine, until we hired this guy at the end of April.  At first, everything was fine with him, as well.  I know his wife, socially. We're PTO moms.  We work together on school projects. In fact, it was ME who told this guy about the job, and ME who spoke up for him when the board didn't want to hire him, because he is very large, and truthfully, incapable of doing the job he was hired for.  I did ask him, before he was hired if he could carry out the duties of the job, and he said yes.  Then I gave my support. Big mistake.

Anyway, for the past few months, this guy has been badmouthing me (in emails and God knows how else) to imply that I am not doing my job.  It got so bad that yesterday, my boss (and his) the Mayor, sat down with us, to try to work through things. It was an unbalanced and unfair meeting from the get go.  But I let it go. I determined to come in today, and we would have a bright new day.  Until I read his email this morning. He's at it again.  Making it seem like I'm the problem, and I'm not doing my job. (he's not my boss -- we are co workers, but he reports to a different board than I do, and apparently, they've got this guy's back). And then, the Mayor comes in to talk to me alone (I have NEVER, EVER, EVER had an issue at work before).  And the Mayor hands me this piece of paper, saying that I need to take two days off without pay, maybe I should "talk to someone to get me through this difficult time".  I said, "OK. What's going to happen to this guy? Is he getting the same letter?" He is not.  

So, I came home from work and called an Employment attorney.

[Miss Chevious]

55 minutes ago, LocalGovt said:

Can I ask everyone's opinion on something (just want to make sure I'm not overlooking anything).

I work for a small municipality. Aside from a female officer who works 1 day every two weeks (if that), I am the only woman of around a 14 member staff.

Everything was fine, until we hired this guy at the end of April.  At first, everything was fine with him, as well.  I know his wife, socially. We're PTO moms.  We work together on school projects. In fact, it was ME who told this guy about the job, and ME who spoke up for him when the board didn't want to hire him, because he is very large, and truthfully, incapable of doing the job he was hired for.  I did ask him, before he was hired if he could carry out the duties of the job, and he said yes.  Then I gave my support. Big mistake.

Anyway, for the past few months, this guy has been badmouthing me (in emails and God knows how else) to imply that I am not doing my job.  It got so bad that yesterday, my boss (and his) the Mayor, sat down with us, to try to work through things. It was an unbalanced and unfair meeting from the get go.  But I let it go. I determined to come in today, and we would have a bright new day.  Until I read his email this morning. He's at it again.  Making it seem like I'm the problem, and I'm not doing my job. (he's not my boss -- we are co workers, but he reports to a different board than I do, and apparently, they've got this guy's back). And then, the Mayor comes in to talk to me alone (I have NEVER, EVER, EVER had an issue at work before).  And the Mayor hands me this piece of paper, saying that I need to take two days off without pay, maybe I should "talk to someone to get me through this difficult time".  I said, "OK. What's going to happen to this guy? Is he getting the same letter?" He is not.  

So, I came home from work and called an Employment attorney.

Wow sounds like you're being railroaded. Good thing you got an attorney. Be sure to keep us posted. I'm praying for you!

[funky-rat]

My husband lost his job in a similar fashion.  He was doing fine until his manager got fired, and they brought in someone new.  He didn't want anyone there that he didn't hire, and he set about firing off everyone one by one, mostly for bogus reasons.  My husband managed to hang in a few years because there was no valid reason to get rid of him.  Then he had some mental health issues - mostly because of his boss verbally berating him on a daily basis, etc, and was given some medical leave.  When he returned, the first month or two were good, then when corporate stopped paying attention, the boss went right back at it.  Unsure what to do, my husband asked if he could be given a different job, because he felt his depression returning.  They said yes, and the boss waited until he had his replacement trained, and then fired him for completely bogus reasons.  He was not given any specifics.  Just "various incidents" and "I was told you said.....".  I filed for unemployment immediately, and Labor & Industry asked the company for proof, and of course they had none, so he won unemployment payments.  But it's sucking massively trying to find a new job.  Two applications asked for specific reasons why he was fired.  I didn't know what to put, so I put "Dept Of Labor & Industry determined I was let go without cause", hoping that I'm not tanking his chances at another job.  If he at least gets an interview, he can say that things were great until they got a new manger, who wanted to replace current employers with people he hired, and he was unexpectedly let go.

Twice, I've recommended people for jobs - once as a favor to their parents (at my prior job), and once as a favor to a friend.  I will NEVER do it again.  The one was the worst worker ever ( the one I promised her parents I would recommend her), going so far as to tell the manager I did NOT refer her in (the manager who was there when I recommended her got fired), so I lost out on a bonus, and she tried to get me in trouble several times for things I didn't do.  In the end, she called in sick, but got busted walking around at the mall by an employee who went down there to pick something up.  The other one is at my current job, and everyone complains about her, so I will just never do it again.  Period.

[LocalGovt]

25 minutes ago, funky-rat said:

My husband lost his job in a similar fashion.  He was doing fine until his manager got fired, and they brought in someone new.  He didn't want anyone there that he didn't hire, and he set about firing off everyone one by one, mostly for bogus reasons.  My husband managed to hang in a few years because there was no valid reason to get rid of him.  Then he had some mental health issues - mostly because of his boss verbally berating him on a daily basis, etc, and was given some medical leave.  When he returned, the first month or two were good, then when corporate stopped paying attention, the boss went right back at it.  Unsure what to do, my husband asked if he could be given a different job, because he felt his depression returning.  They said yes, and the boss waited until he had his replacement trained, and then fired him for completely bogus reasons.  He was not given any specifics.  Just "various incidents" and "I was told you said.....".  I filed for unemployment immediately, and Labor & Industry asked the company for proof, and of course they had none, so he won unemployment payments.  But it's sucking massively trying to find a new job.  Two applications asked for specific reasons why he was fired.  I didn't know what to put, so I put "Dept Of Labor & Industry determined I was let go without cause", hoping that I'm not tanking his chances at another job.  If he at least gets an interview, he can say that things were great until they got a new manger, who wanted to replace current employers with people he hired, and he was unexpectedly let go.

Twice, I've recommended people for jobs - once as a favor to their parents (at my prior job), and once as a favor to a friend.  I will NEVER do it again.  The one was the worst worker ever ( the one I promised her parents I would recommend her), going so far as to tell the manager I did NOT refer her in (the manager who was there when I recommended her got fired), so I lost out on a bonus, and she tried to get me in trouble several times for things I didn't do.  In the end, she called in sick, but got busted walking around at the mall by an employee who went down there to pick something up.  The other one is at my current job, and everyone complains about her, so I will just never do it again.  Period.

I hope your husband find a job soon, with a company that will treat him well.

48 minutes ago, Miss Chevious said:

Wow sounds like you're being railroaded. Good thing you got an attorney. Be sure to keep us posted. I'm praying for you!

I feel that way, as well. I left a lot out of my OP, frankly because I just didnt' feel like typing it all. But I got called out for having a bad attitude (that has NEVER happened to me before, and frankly, I don't think I have any worse attitude than anyone else there -- I don't think it's bad).  So, this guy is sitting across from the Mayor (who can see his face, fully), and I'm sitting at my desk.  And everything I'm saying to defend myself, this guy is very visibly rolling his eyes, and heaving these great big sighs to be dramatic, and speaking to me in this terse, angry voice. And I looked at the mayor, and I said, "he's been doing this the whole meeting, and you see him doing this. And you are telling me I have a bad attitude, yet you've said nothing to him???" 

Yes, railroaded.

[CoachWristletJen]

On 10/9/2017 at 2:40 PM, MrSmith said:

@OoogleEyes Oh, yeah. The whole power dynamic between the men and the foreign women is just slimy and, in my opinion, completely unethical. I was amazed at how unattractive the men were. Only that young guy who banged Tetiana was reasonable attractive. I thought it was horrible how he basically dumped her after having sex with her. That whole industry should really be shut down, in my opinion. It just reeks of human trafficking. If I were single, I could never go that route to find a wife. I would fail because I would actually want to get to know these women and they me; basically like online dating. The way things are with people who use the marriage brokers, it really is just "shopping for girls" (Thank you, David Bowie!) - and the women expect the men to pick one and marry her. It's grotesque and revolting.

He basically came into his own and discovered he was a douche. Tetiana was already way out of his league, but he got it in his head that he could bang even more women so he decided not to commit. Meanwhile it was going to take him years to save up enough money to get back over there. Lots of long, lonely nights sleeping in mum's guest bedroom wishing he hadn't ghosted Tetiana.

[Desert Rat]

On 10/12/2017 at 8:33 AM, LocalGovt said:

Can I ask everyone's opinion on something (just want to make sure I'm not overlooking anything).

I work for a small municipality. Aside from a female officer who works 1 day every two weeks (if that), I am the only woman of around a 14 member staff.

Everything was fine, until we hired this guy at the end of April.  At first, everything was fine with him, as well.  I know his wife, socially. We're PTO moms.  We work together on school projects. In fact, it was ME who told this guy about the job, and ME who spoke up for him when the board didn't want to hire him, because he is very large, and truthfully, incapable of doing the job he was hired for.  I did ask him, before he was hired if he could carry out the duties of the job, and he said yes.  Then I gave my support. Big mistake.

Anyway, for the past few months, this guy has been badmouthing me (in emails and God knows how else) to imply that I am not doing my job.  It got so bad that yesterday, my boss (and his) the Mayor, sat down with us, to try to work through things. It was an unbalanced and unfair meeting from the get go.  But I let it go. I determined to come in today, and we would have a bright new day.  Until I read his email this morning. He's at it again.  Making it seem like I'm the problem, and I'm not doing my job. (he's not my boss -- we are co workers, but he reports to a different board than I do, and apparently, they've got this guy's back). And then, the Mayor comes in to talk to me alone (I have NEVER, EVER, EVER had an issue at work before).  And the Mayor hands me this piece of paper, saying that I need to take two days off without pay, maybe I should "talk to someone to get me through this difficult time".  I said, "OK. What's going to happen to this guy? Is he getting the same letter?" He is not.  

So, I came home from work and called an Employment attorney.

It's good you hired an attorney.  I live in a right to work state which means, unless there is discrimination of some kind, an employer can fire an employee for any reason without cause. Government workers have more rights, but in my state, not a lot. I wish you well.

[LocalGovt]

My husband talked to the Mayor (I asked him to, because, apparently, everything "I" say gets misconstrued).

After talking to the Mayor, my husband is of the opinion (based on what they said to each other) that the all of this Weinstein crap going on right now, the men involved became concerned that I was going to file a sexual harrassment/hostile work environment claim because they KNEW -- they KNEW they were acting inappropriately at work.  No one pinched me, propositioned me, or anything like that, but they made inappropriate comments (think teenages in a locker room), including coming up to the offices, saying "it smells like a douche in here!"  They've also made disparaging remarks about me being a woman, and "everyone's secretary" -- not that there's anything wrong with being a secretary. But the way they said it, there was, if that makes any sense.

So the Mayor told my husband they were just trying to cover themselves, because someone panicked.  But they're still going to keep that letter in my file, for a period of time. And if they have no other "issues" with me, they'll destroy it.  My problem with that is - why doesn't this guy have a similar letter in his file? He does not.

[OoogleEyes]

I'm a unapologetic fan of True Crime TV, and there's one called "Web of Lies" about a guy from Seattle who found a bride from Kyrgyzstan. She came here, got educated, found a job and found friends.

This was wife #2 from the same area. Marriage #1 ended in divorce , and he wasn't going to go through *that* again, so he killed #2. He concocted this elaborate story, but was eventually convicted of murder.

Some of these 90 Day men appear to be mentally unstable, with past criminal histories, I hope these ladies RUN and RUN FAR FAR AWAY. 

[Ivanova]

1 hour ago, OoogleEyes said:

Some of these 90 Day men appear to be mentally unstable, with past criminal histories, I hope these ladies RUN and RUN FAR FAR AWAY.

The problem is that in the eyes of many people men from wealthy countries are automatically considered better and more impeccable than men from their own country. And I don't mean "OK, he's weird, but he has money so we'll cut him some slack." I mean "He is from the US/Sweden/UK/you name it, so he is BY DEFAULT a normal eligible person with good character and no mental issues whatsoever." It's like a faith thing and people have this persuasion without even doubting it. People need to have this belief that there is a magical place where everyone is good and no one hurts each other. Kind of like in The Book of Mormon musical.

Edited October 19, 2017 by Ivanova

[Drogo]

My FIL set aside $2K for my wife's wedding dress; she bought one for $99 that needed no alterations. 

The rules for the wedding party: "Try not to wear white."  

[PamelaMaeSnap]

15 hours ago, Drogo said:

My FIL set aside $2K for my wife's wedding dress; she bought one for $99 that needed no alterations. 

The rules for the wedding party: "Try not to wear white."  

I am SO glad you posted here because I couldn't find the Small Talk section when I rambled on about my own "big day" in the episode thread before deleting everything but the first two grafs LOL ...

My dad had given me pretty much open season on the credit card but I was not a gown and veil kind of gal ... found a little tailor/alterations shop in Queens where the teenage brother was a wiz with the needle ... I drew him a picture of what I wanted (kind of Stevie Nicks in retrospect, gypsy/handkerchief etc. with iridescent sequins) and he made it for me from scratch with all the alterations I needed for $750. Hubby bought a new suit (he has to wear tuxedos at gigs because he's a musician and does the big money gigs on weekends in wedding bands). He just sold his wedding suit at a garage sale last month for $20. I still have my dress (which oddly enough has a lipstick stain at the bottom of the back zipper which we've never figured out) but while I'm close to my wedding weight, 30-plus years and a baby has redistributed it so it will never fit again. I've offered it to my daughter if/when she gets married and at the very least want her to try it on so I can have closure LOL (it's actually not NOT her style). 

Her attitude, unlike many of the bridezillas I know now including an unnamed relative whose wedding we attended (and whose "bachelorette weekend" my daughter declined because not only was she not in the wedding party but she didn't have $1000 to spend on it ... !!!!! ... this is a thing?) ... she thinks $750 is an absolutely ridiculous amount to spend on a wedding dress and she's budgeted $250 for herself if/when the time comes (I know how much said unnamed relative's wedding gown cost or thereabouts because it was not only featured but CHOSEN by a celebrity bride on 'Say Yes To The Dress.')

The wedding party was a friend who had bought a dress to be MOH at her sister's wedding the previous spring and so she wore that, and Mr. Snappy's best friend as best man who just wore a dark suit. 

We saved the attire/Saturday night surcharge by having a Sunday afternoon wedding/etc. so we could have an open bar. Which may be why I don't know where the lipstick mark came from.

[Major Bigtime]

I wonder how often this happens across the US:

https://theonefeather.com/2017/11/four-in-marriage-fraud-conspiracy-plead-guilty/

[AZChristian]

4 hours ago, Major Bigtime said:

I wonder how often this happens across the US:

https://theonefeather.com/2017/11/four-in-marriage-fraud-conspiracy-plead-guilty/

This is probably not a rare occurrence.  There is an entire industry of facilitating bringing pregnant women to the United States so they can have their babies - who are instant US citizens upon birth.  They're called "anchor babies"; their mothers are called "birth tourists."  Over 35,000 babies are born to this status annually; they are qualified for government benefits, reduced tuition, etc.  

[ethalfrida]

Huge apologies to everyone for a ginormous mistake I made a few days ago.

I posted spoiler information in a non spoiler post. It was not intentional as I just forgot to check which post I was writing in. Usually posts on this site are accessed by clicking on the last comment made or just coming to the last page I was on. This site is always up on the screen so I didn't even see the warning until I had to restart Safari.

If anything was spoiled for anyone I cannot apologize enough but do know how you feel. I do not even access certain forums until I've seen the latest episodes.

I was severely chastised but acknowledged my error.

[spankydoll]

9 hours ago, ethalfrida said:

Huge apologies to everyone for a ginormous mistake I made a few days ago.

I posted spoiler information in a non spoiler post. It was not intentional as I just forgot to check which post I was writing in. Usually posts on this site are accessed by clicking on the last comment made or just coming to the last page I was on. This site is always up on the screen so I didn't even see the warning until I had to restart Safari.

If anything was spoiled for anyone I cannot apologize enough but do know how you feel. I do not even access certain forums until I've seen the latest episodes.

I was severely chastised but acknowledged my error.

I still love you. ?

[ethalfrida]

12 hours ago, spankydoll said:

I still love you. ?

Thank you. You just made a lovely morning for me...

[Christina]

Sharp Entertainment, the production company that brought us the 90 Day shows, has a new show beginning in January on WEtv.

Love After Lockup 

Quote

Producers of TLC’s hit reality series 90 Day Fiance are looking to put a new spin on their “finding love off the beaten path” theme with new show Love After Lockup. The series will document couples in which one (or more?) partner is currently behind bars, but soon to be released.

OMG, OMG, OMG!!!! I can't wait. Please be as trashtastic as the other Sharp productions!

[Desert Rat]

6 hours ago, Christina said:

Sharp Entertainment, the production company that brought us the 90 Day shows, has a new show beginning in January on WEtv.

Love After Lockup 

OMG, OMG, OMG!!!! I can't wait. Please be as trashtastic as the other Sharp productions!

I have no doubt your prayers will be answered. 

[Major Bigtime]

My holiday gift to you all! :D

 

[Arwen Evenstar]

4 hours ago, Major Bigtime said:

My holiday gift to you all! :D

 

I wuv you!

[Major Bigtime]

Calendar Girl!! HAHAHA

 

[Arwen Evenstar]

[sasha206]

About three months ago or so, I had posted in one of the 90 day threads about my sitting next to this shy foxy 50 something at a bar named Mark and was planning to stalk him at some point.  We didn't actually talk that night but he smiled at me shyly and I knew his name from the bartender.  Anyway, here's an update on my post-widow love life!  While I had actually gone back to bar a couple of times, I have not seen Mark (who is a regular).  Another 40 something who was actually good looking, also a regular, remembered me from that night.  He seems very interested in me but I'm 50 and not sure I'd want to date a 40 year-old, so I kind of mentioned being a widow and not ready for that yet (unless it was Mark, hee hee).  So, the update here is I didn't date either one but I do have my fourth date tomorrow with my crush from high school who is also recently single.  He joined facebook on my late husband's birthday.  Sent me a note right after joining which was almost like a godsend because I was feeling very sad for my husband losing his life at 52; he wuold've been 53 that day.  Anyway, we had been emailing each other, like crazy, and then some phone calls.  I wanted to wait until the anniversary of my husband's passing came and went, so we waited to see each other.  Then we met at a bar (not the same one Mark was at) and really hit it off.  He was very emotional seeing me which was so sweet.  It's very comfortable since we knew each other so long ago and yet exciting too.  He's so sweet and probably the best kisser I've ever had (with apologies to late husband).  It's a little scary in one way to like someone so much but it's reciprocated so for now I'm good.  Thanks for reading if you made it through all of this!

[Arwen Evenstar]

@sasha206, you GO, girl! Glad to hear you’re getting another shot at happiness!