MAFS Social Media, Spoilers & Speculation

[Retired at last]

13 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Yeah, call me when the real show starts.

By that time, maybe we will have gotten used to NOT watching and we will be free!

[bref]

Wow. Seems there was a lot going on there we didn't know about.

https://people.com/tv/ryan-oubre-addresses-divorce-you-cant-marry-another-race-and-not-want-to-marry-their-culture/

[pdlinda]

1 hour ago, bref said:

Wow. Seems there was a lot going on there we didn't know about.

https://people.com/tv/ryan-oubre-addresses-divorce-you-cant-marry-another-race-and-not-want-to-marry-their-culture/

I got the impression that Ryan's views on life were more compatible with messages he wore on his numerous T-shirts than on the woman he married. 

I never saw them as a romantic couple, but more as "friends." 

It didn't surprise me a bit when they divorced.  To me, it was inevitable and welcome.

[NowVoyager]

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CYEWM5mKB3h/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Omigosh! 🤣🤪 Season 14 Boston: The blonde shows up drunk for her wedding!

[Crashcourse]

Is she wearing Brett's dress? 🤣

[Empress1]

2 hours ago, bref said:

Wow. Seems there was a lot going on there we didn't know about.

https://people.com/tv/ryan-oubre-addresses-divorce-you-cant-marry-another-race-and-not-want-to-marry-their-culture/

There were a couple of instances where I could see that there were cultural differences between Clara and Ryan - if I'm being blunt, that Clara didn't understand some Black cultural things. I remember Clara saying that Ryan had told her something like she should stay out of Chris and Paige's business (she and Virginia had stepped to Chris in a really accusatory "Karen-ish" way that I didn't like, despite Chris being 100% terrible all the time), and I thought "this is a cultural difference" - "stay out of grown folks' business" is a thing in the Black community.  (And to be fair to Clara, even she acknowledged later that she shouldn't have done that.)

I do like that they were apparently at least having conversations about race even if they were off camera (and apparently they didn't go well) because you can't not have them, and if you are a white person married to a person of color (not just Black), there are some things you're going to  have to deal with for as long as you're in a relationship with them and forever if you have children with them. One thing I found refreshing about Lauren (Black) and Cameron (white) on Love is Blind is that they had those talks - they talked about how they'd be raising kids the world perceives as Black and what that would mean. (Cameron had also been in a long-term relationship with a Black woman before so he understood those nuances.)

[Retired at last]

I know we always see items from people who know/work with/live near the contestants, and we have to take their info with a grain of salt, but I just read where someone who worked at the hotel where the weddings were ran into a woman in the bathroom who said that "she was hired to play the mother of one of the grooms!"

[pdlinda]

25 minutes ago, Retired at last said:

I know we always see items from people who know/work with/live near the contestants, and we have to take their info with a grain of salt, but I just read where someone who worked at the hotel where the weddings were ran into a woman in the bathroom who said that "she was hired to play the mother of one of the grooms!"

That info (IF TRUE) plays plays right into the evolving theme of them "recruiting" participants. 

The bottom line (as has been mentioned many times during the last 2 seasons) is that the authenticity of the concept of the show is being sacrificed at the altar of pretention and faux drama with only a modicum of "reality" and certainly nothing even remotely resembling the seriousness and emotional depth many of us associate with traditional "marriage."

[Empress1]

24 minutes ago, pdlinda said:

certainly nothing even remotely resembling the seriousness and emotional depth many of us associate with traditional "marriage."

One of my favorite moments was when a mother of one of the participants said straight up that the show made a mockery of marriage. I was shocked that they aired it.

[qtpye]

3 hours ago, NowVoyager said:

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CYEWM5mKB3h/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Omigosh! 🤣🤪 Season 14 Boston: The blonde shows up drunk for her wedding!

They are trolling us now. This chick has to be playing it up for the cameras. She almost took her dress off to find her vows.

 

[buttersister]

So Ryan got his word out, which, nice timing. Because guess who showed up on the Kevin Fraiser waste of time tonight? My remote’s drive by showed me Clara having spent time and money on her appearance, a claim she wasn’t dating for marriage (all she knows) and KF smarmily saying bye to her. Ugh.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

One of my favorite moments was when a mother of one of the participants said straight up that the show made a mockery of marriage. I was shocked that they aired it.

Who WAS that??? It's right on the tip my memory. Did that couple actually stay together? Or was that Puke's mother? Because Puke definitely made a mockery of marriage.

Quote

Is she wearing Brett's dress? 🤣

I think Lindsey has a little more dress and a little less cleavage than Brett...

[bref]

Clara's inevitable rebuttal. I did just catch her on the Boston special and she looks very different. She and Ryan are not on speaking terms.

https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/mafs-clara-berghaus-responds-to-ex-ryan-oubres-divorce-comments/

[NowVoyager]

Ok, soo... what I got out of the Clara/Ryan situation was: #1: The sex was whack for Clara. Even though she upheld the ruse that Ryan wanted for the show that they weren't having sex; she still voiced her sexual frustration, which was embarrassing to him. And #2: She didn't merge well with his culture; not "speaking" to family when she entered a room and not trying foods that she was unfamiliar with. And they talked about merging cultures off camera and it just wasn't working. That's surprising because Clara specifically requested a racially "swirly" type dude. I appreciated that Ryan made a point to clarify that this behavior didn't make her racist, just not compatible.

On a shallow note, Clara's bleach blonde hair looked better, much less harsh, and the light pink lipstick instead of the red is much more flattering.

Edited December 31, 2021 by NowVoyager

[NowVoyager]

8 hours ago, qtpye said:

They are trolling us now. This chick has to be playing it up for the cameras. She almost took her dress off to find her vows.

 

Whew, chile! We've had drunk brides before, but this one right here Was. Wasted! I'm cringing for her, but yet... I cannot look away!

2 bottles of champagne, pulling down her top to look for her vows, belching, passing out on the park bench in her gown--- Dis Gone Be A Mess!

[ByTor]

2 hours ago, NowVoyager said:

not trying foods that she was unfamiliar with

LOL I wouldn't fit in with anybody, regardless of culture.

[Retired at last]

12 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Quote

One of my favorite moments was when a mother of one of the participants said straight up that the show made a mockery of marriage. I was shocked that they aired it.

Who WAS that???

I think it was Luke's mother.

Also, I didn't watch last night, but what did Clara say? The article just has a bunch of crap about her being proud of herself and wanting to share her truth, but didn't mention what she would say. The rest of the article just repeated what Ryan had already posted.

[Porkchop]

I think Clara speaks up in tonight's show.

 

[Welshman in Ca]

17 hours ago, Retired at last said:

I know we always see items from people who know/work with/live near the contestants, and we have to take their info with a grain of salt, but I just read where someone who worked at the hotel where the weddings were ran into a woman in the bathroom who said that "she was hired to play the mother of one of the grooms!"

Sounds reliable.

[StatisticalOutlier]

3 hours ago, Retired at last said:

Also, I didn't watch last night, but what did Clara say? The article just has a bunch of crap about her being proud of herself and wanting to share her truth, but didn't mention what she would say. The rest of the article just repeated what Ryan had already posted.

The conflict, according to her, centered around that scene where the surveillance camera showed her bitching about the sex.  Ryan apparently continued to bring it up, and couldn't get over it.  She didn't mention cultural differences, although she did say that Ryan wanted to keep their sex life a secret and she agreed to do that--maybe his wanting to keep their sex status a secret from his family could be considered a cultural difference.

Anyway, what I find interesting about it is that in that surveillance camera scene she was talking in terms of "everything but," which made it sound like she was pleasuring him but he wasn't reciprocating, but on last night's show she said that they "consummated" the marriage after about a month, and wasn't that surveillance camera scene after that?

But now that I think about it, maybe she went the "everything but" route to "technically" fulfill her agreement not to talk about sex, which she interpreted as consummation, i.e. intercourse?  And in Ryan's defense, what she said in that scene really did paint him in a horrible light.  If she'd said they were having intercourse and it just wasn't doing it for her, then he could be seen as an inept lover, who might learn.  But the way it came out, he was a selfish jerk.  But if that happened because he talked her into keeping the intercourse a secret and she just botched the handling of it while fulfilling her duties to the show to talk about it, then the blame goes back on him.

 

[Empress1]

51 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

maybe his wanting to keep their sex status a secret from his family could be considered a cultural difference.

Weren’t his parents pastors? I know Clara & Ryan had another major difference in that Ryan was a person of faith and Clara had turned her back on church. He wanted to raise kids in church and she didn’t. So I can see why a person whose parents are heavily involved with the church would want to keep his sex life private.

[pdlinda]

17 hours ago, bref said:

Clara's inevitable rebuttal. I did just catch her on the Boston special and she looks very different. She and Ryan are not on speaking terms.

https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/mafs-clara-berghaus-responds-to-ex-ryan-oubres-divorce-comments/

I didn't think Clara looked much different EXCEPT that her "root rot" part was appropriately blended into her main hair color and the style had some "beachy waves."  Other than that, she looked essentially the same to me.  

Her point about now choosing to engage in "casual dating" didn't surprise me either.

I seem to recall that before signing up for the show Clara stated that she was (my interpretation) a "serial dater" who as quickly "involved" with different men all of whom left her.  

My understanding with Ryan was that he was a quirky-looking guy who had a good career and a wholesome, traditional Church-going family.  His religious life was very important to him. 

When Clara presented herself at various events, her appearance did not seem to conform to what was traditional in his Church "culture."  For example, the inattention Clara gave to "touching up" her hair color always, in my opinion, gave her a "floozy-like" look that Ryan might not have felt comfortable with being seen with in a social setting.

The racial focus that Ryan always promoted (his T-shirts) seemed antithetical to having a wife from a different race and pointed to the fact that this difference was prominent in him selecting a mate.  I wonder if that criterion was clearly stated on his application form.

In any event, each had his/her '15 minutes of fame" and are now splendidly single to pursue their separate paths in life.

[StatisticalOutlier]

Also, for those of you who didn't watch the show, they showed the scene from the retreat where Michaela was knocking stuff over and being restrained and slamming the door on the cameraman. 

One of the guests asked her:  "But moving forward, you know, what have you learned from this in terms of dealing with your fiery side so it doesn't negatively impact a future relationship?"

Michaela answered:  "What I learned from this is, I wanted my marriage.  It didn't work out.  But I do want marriage and I do want a healthy relationship.  And I see what it is, is I am more in tune with my emotions, more vulnerable, and I speak up when something's bothering me instead of bottling it up and then, poof!  So I'm very grateful for this process for that, very grateful."

[Me, to myself:  "Hmm.  Kind of nonresponsive, but maybe this could be interpreted as an intention to lay off the raging."]

Then another guest asked:  "What do you think was the toughest part of watching this back for you?"

Michaela answered:  "I think the toughest part of watching it back is looking at myself." 

[Me, to myself:  "That's promising."]

Michaela continued:  "I'm like, 'Wow, like, I'm really, that's a sad Michaela.'"

[Me, to myself:  "That took a turn."]

Michaela continued:  "That's not the loud laughter, big smile, just happy and having a great time Michaela.  That's a Michaela who is afraid of losing her marriage and is walking on eggshells and doesn't feel like she can truly be herself.  I think that's--that's one of the things that, as I watch it back, I'm like 'Okay, never again.'  Never again will I let myself suppress myself behind somebody else."

I certainly didn't see a sad Michaela walking on eggshells and not truly being herself.  But she's the one whose view matters, so good for her, I guess.

Edited January 1, 2022 by StatisticalOutlier

[Crashcourse]

Michaela's sisters didn't call her "Hurricane K" for nothing, so surely she knew before MAFS how volatile she was.   I think she was spewing a lot of word salad to cover her ass.  I would have thought better of her if she had acknowledged that she needed therapy.

[Empress1]

1 hour ago, pdlinda said:

The racial focus that Ryan always promoted (his T-shirts) seemed antithetical to having a wife from a different race and pointed to the fact that this difference was prominent in him selecting a mate.  I wonder if that criterion was clearly stated on his application form.

You can be pro-Black and have a partner of a different race, but you have to be sure that your interracial partner is also pro-Black. I remember Ryan wearing Black Lives Matter shirts and there are certainly non-Black people who actively support that notion and movement. I have a white friend who is married to a Black man and she does anti-racism work for a living, for example, and intentionally de-centralizes whiteness wherever she can.

However, if you are a person of color and are going to date or marry interracially and you want a white person (or a person who is a race different than yours; you can be two people of color who are in an interracial relationship) who is an anti-racist ally - not someone who "doesn't see color," for example, or who will not have real, serious conversations about race, racism, and the role it plays in your lives - you really really need to know that about them before you marry them, which is obviously not what this show is about. I'm Black and cannot imagine marrying a person with whom I could not have conversations about the way anti-Black racism affects my life because it affects my life in myriad ways, constantly. Your spouse is the person you should be able to share everything with.

I feel like Ryan did say that he wanted to be matched with a white woman, or at least that he'd be open to it because I'm not sure they would have matched an interracial couple without instruction to do so. Clara definitely said she wanted someone "ethnically ambiguous." I do remember Ryan saying he'd dated interracially before; I think he grew up in a town where he was one of the few Black kids in his school so he didn't have many non-white options to socialize with.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Never again will I let myself suppress myself behind somebody else."

That was supposed to be Michaela when she is "suppressed?" Imagine what she is like totally unrestrained!

[cinsays]

11 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I certainly didn't see a sad Michaela walking on eggshells and not truly being herself.  But she's the one whose view matters, so good for her, I guess.

Yeah.  This seems to me like she's putting all the blame on Zack for her actions.  He made her act this way because he suppressed her feelings. Yeah, no, I don't buy it. 

[After7Only]

 

On 12/31/2021 at 1:16 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

Anyway, what I find interesting about it is that in that surveillance camera scene she was talking in terms of "everything but," which made it sound like she was pleasuring him but he wasn't reciprocating, but on last night's show she said that they "consummated" the marriage after about a month, and wasn't that surveillance camera scene after that?

 

I believe on the show, she said that scene happened before the one month mark and before the consummated via the traditional route 🙂

[NowVoyager]

Huh. From New Orleans season, Miles posted this message on Instagram:

And for some reason folks are speculating that he & Karen have split:

 

https://screenrant.com/married-at-first-sight-karen-miles-williams-split/

I feel like I'm missing something here...

Karen posted the same message on her Instagram, minus the first paragraph. Her Instagram has several sponsorships & it looks like this "I Can't Wait to Travel" company is one. The trip was scheduled for April, so they are canceling well in advance. 

Edited January 2, 2022 by NowVoyager

[Yeah No]

On 12/31/2021 at 4:42 AM, NowVoyager said:

Ok, soo... what I got out of the Clara/Ryan situation was: #1: The sex was whack for Clara. Even though she upheld the ruse that Ryan wanted for the show that they weren't having sex; she still voiced her sexual frustration, which was embarrassing to him. And #2: She didn't merge well with his culture; not "speaking" to family when she entered a room and not trying foods that she was unfamiliar with. And they talked about merging cultures off camera and it just wasn't working. That's surprising because Clara specifically requested a racially "swirly" type dude. I appreciated that Ryan made a point to clarify that this behavior didn't make her racist, just not compatible.

If he didn't want to imply that she was racist, why did he make it about race at all?  Her not being open to new and/or different food isn't necessarily a function of not being open to learning about him or his culture, nor is her looking at her phone at a family event.  Just saying he wasn't implying that she was racist isn't convincing me that that wasn't just exactly what he meant to imply.  I don't see Clara as the kind of person that would do these things without a good explanation for them.  I think his comments were his way of getting back at her for what she said on the show this week and right away their timing makes me skeptical.  Plus he knows that the best way to do damage is to imply that she was culturally insensitive.  I am sorry but I have never liked Ryan and think he has a lot of issues.  Clara did more damage to her image by covering for him for so long than she would have if she had been honest and open about what was going on from the start.  I think she was walking on eggshells hoping that it would somehow work out so she kept her mouth shut.  Even now she is still biting her tongue and giving him the power to make her look like the bad guy.  We may never know what was really going on there.  I don't think his comments are any kind of window into that other than to convince me all the more that he is one screwed up immature dude.

[Yeah No]

On 12/31/2021 at 2:16 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

The conflict, according to her, centered around that scene where the surveillance camera showed her bitching about the sex.  Ryan apparently continued to bring it up, and couldn't get over it.  She didn't mention cultural differences, although she did say that Ryan wanted to keep their sex life a secret and she agreed to do that--maybe his wanting to keep their sex status a secret from his family could be considered a cultural difference.

Anyway, what I find interesting about it is that in that surveillance camera scene she was talking in terms of "everything but," which made it sound like she was pleasuring him but he wasn't reciprocating, but on last night's show she said that they "consummated" the marriage after about a month, and wasn't that surveillance camera scene after that?

But now that I think about it, maybe she went the "everything but" route to "technically" fulfill her agreement not to talk about sex, which she interpreted as consummation, i.e. intercourse?  And in Ryan's defense, what she said in that scene really did paint him in a horrible light.  If she'd said they were having intercourse and it just wasn't doing it for her, then he could be seen as an inept lover, who might learn.  But the way it came out, he was a selfish jerk.  But if that happened because he talked her into keeping the intercourse a secret and she just botched the handling of it while fulfilling her duties to the show to talk about it, then the blame goes back on him.

In Clara's defense, who thinks what they say to friends in confidence when they think the cameras are off will make it onto the show?  I would very much doubt she was saying those things in full knowledge that she was being recorded at the time.  Plus I doubt that the producers warn the couples that everything they say might be recorded by surveillance cameras and used for content on the show.  In light of that, Ryan's refusing to let that go and then implying she's culturally insensitive for talking about it is unfair. Plus I can assure him that it's not the case that all white people are OK with talking about that stuff in similar situations.  

We know now that Clara's comments were made before they had actually had intercourse but even though they eventually did it still shows he was taking advantage of what he could get from her without giving in return.  And he is just angry that this got out because it makes him look bad, but like you say, that's on him.  But in addition, the show is responsible for that making it on the air, not Clara.  She probably never thought her private conversation with trusted friends would ever leak out to the show.  Do men really think their wives/girlfriends don't tell all to their closest friends in confidence?  That's pretty naive.

[Cramps]

MAFSFAN on Instagram just shared that drunken bride from the new season is already selling her wedding gown-which she described in a post as a ten thousand dollar Dolce & Gabbana dress bought from “Winnie couture”. BUT that smelled fishy to me: It didn’t look like a D& G dress —which would have been custom and way over ten grand, which the show wouldn’t have sprung for and the brand probably wouldn’t have loaned her. So I did a little research… 

Turns out it’s some designer named Winnie Couture, and the dress is called “Dolce” -and has nothing to do with D & G. 

Also Winnie Couture say on the website that their top dress price is $6859, which even with taxes is considerably less than ten grand. Winnie “Dolce” dress.

Drunk Boston bride has every right to make a profit off the now spotlighted factor of her dress, but it feels a bit icky to claim that it’s a more expensive, better designer dress, when it’s not. But Maybe she just made a mistake. 

 

 

[Retired at last]

So new drunk bride makes Myrla look classy. Go figure!

[StatisticalOutlier]

15 hours ago, Yeah No said:

She probably never thought her private conversation with trusted friends would ever leak out to the show. 

Who would expect privacy in a conversation with her fellow castmates on a reality show, about what's happening in a relationship that is the basis of the show, about a salacious element of the show, in a room they know has cameras in it?  Plus, who has random castmates become trusted friends in less than a month? 

And speaking of that, it's ridiculous for Ryan to expect Clara agree to keep their sex life secret, and it's ridiculous for him to trust her to do it even if she does agree.  He barely even knows the woman.  I think previous couples have done it, but that's no reason to think your spouse is going to be able to do it.  That's where the concept of trust comes in, and he has no reason to trust this person he barely knows, even if he is married to her. 

Quote

Plus I doubt that the producers warn the couples that everything they say might be recorded by surveillance cameras and used for content on the show. 

I'd bet a bunch of money it's at least in their contract.  And even if it's not, I'm pretty sure I've seen such footage in previous seasons. 

Do these people really think the goal of the show is a lasting marriage for them?  The goal of the show is the show.  If the people involved in the show cared only about the marriages, they'd be in the private matchmaking business.  But they're not.  They're in entertainment. 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

https://www.winniecouture.com/product/dolce-3263/

It's a pretty dress though...

[qtpye]

21 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

 

It's a pretty dress though...

On the model…it looked cheap on the MAFS bride.

[Crashcourse]

To wear a dress like that you should have perky breasts, not big flapjacks like Brett and Lindsay.

[Empress1]

3 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I'd bet a bunch of money it's at least in their contract.  And even if it's not, I'm pretty sure I've seen such footage in previous seasons. 

 

3 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Who would expect privacy in a conversation with her fellow castmates on a reality show, about what's happening in a relationship that is the basis of the show, about a salacious element of the show, in a room they know has cameras in it? 

I agree with both. I remember the huge fight between Jamie and Elizabeth in which he called her the c-word was aired via night-camera-in-the-apartment footage. They also showed what's her name, the one married to the tall former basketball player who would go clubbing, crying without him in the wee hours of the morning. And I would be shocked if some version of "anything you say and do could end up on camera during the filming period of this show" isn't in the contracts. We are 14 seasons into this show and literally decades into reality TV as a genre; IMO that's too far along for "I didn't know they were filming me!" to really fly. The only time I would expect not to be filmed is at my regular full-time job; I don't think they've ever filmed people at work, and that's probably because a) some of them work in industries where confidentiality is such that filming is impossible/would open up production to liability issues, and b) it would be a pain in the ass to coordinate even if it were allowed.

[StatisticalOutlier]

7 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

It's a pretty dress though...

I can't stand V necks that are filled in with illusion.  It looks cheap because you can always see the edge.  And lining the breasts with white circles just makes them look like headlights. 

[Yeah No]

7 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Who would expect privacy in a conversation with her fellow castmates on a reality show, about what's happening in a relationship that is the basis of the show, about a salacious element of the show, in a room they know has cameras in it?  Plus, who has random castmates become trusted friends in less than a month? 

I wouldn't go so far as to say she knew she was being filmed and still expected privacy.  I think she probably didn't realize there were cameras in there or even if she did that those cameras were put there by the show and going to be used to take footage of her out of context to air.  If she saw the cameras she might have thought that they were part of the alarm system.  I don't trust the show to have warned the cast about them.  It's too underhanded and sneaky to do that.  They want to get dirt on camera to air and warning them would make them edit themselves too much.  I can't speak for her about whether it's a good idea to trust certain people.  She may think she can, but I may not.  Personally I think a lot of young people these days are too trusting when they shouldn't be, but that's me.  The point is that she probably trusted those people at the time.  Whether or not that was advisable is another story.....

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, Empress1 said:

And I would be shocked if some version of "anything you say and do could end up on camera during the filming period of this show" isn't in the contracts. We are 14 seasons into this show and literally decades into reality TV as a genre; IMO that's too far along for "I didn't know they were filming me!" to really fly. The only time I would expect not to be filmed is at my regular full-time job; I don't think they've ever filmed people at work, and that's probably because a) some of them work in industries where confidentiality is such that filming is impossible/would open up production to liability issues, and b) it would be a pain in the ass to coordinate even if it were allowed.

Just because some clause like that is in the contracts doesn't mean the cast is aware of just exactly how literally they should take it or the extent to which the show would go to get them on camera without their knowledge.  If the show doesn't warn them that those specific cameras were put there by them and being used for footage for the show some of them might not realize that.  You or I may expect to be filmed everywhere except work but that doesn't mean someone like Clara who is probably a little more trusting would expect that.  She may assume that when the camera people go home, she is off the record.  I would assume that there were no surveillance cameras in the bedrooms so it's not really that much of a stretch for me to imagine someone assuming that extended to the rest of the apartment as well.  We don't even know how hidden or obvious they are or whether the cast is told about their real purpose.

[configdotsys]

On 12/30/2021 at 6:50 PM, pdlinda said:

That info (IF TRUE) plays plays right into the evolving theme of them "recruiting" participants. 

The bottom line (as has been mentioned many times during the last 2 seasons) is that the authenticity of the concept of the show is being sacrificed at the altar of pretention and faux drama with only a modicum of "reality" and certainly nothing even remotely resembling the seriousness and emotional depth many of us associate with traditional "marriage."

Exactly why I stopped watching and just get updates in here.

On 12/31/2021 at 4:42 AM, NowVoyager said:

She didn't merge well with his culture; not "speaking" to family when she entered a room and not trying foods that she was unfamiliar with.

So this totally confused me. I can get the rudeness of not speaking to anyone but I don't buy that's what happened. I can't picture anyone-- even clueless people-- just walking into a room buried in their phone and saying nothing. She probably greeted them, exchanged some pleasantries and then sat down and at some point whipped out the phone. I can see people thinking that is rude, but describing that as a cultural incompatibility or cultural insult is quite a stretch to me. She's in a strange home with a ton of family members, probably doesn't really know what to converse with them about so she retreats to the safety of her phone so she isn't sitting there staring around the room and getting all self-conscious about just sitting there trying to look comfortable in a room full of strangers. It's understandable.

Onto food. I am not eating anything that I cannot identify or that does not look appetizing or appealing to me. It has nothing to do with the race, religion, whatever of the people that have put out the food. It has to do with me not being adventurous in any way, shape or form when it comes to foods. I'm not interested in expanding my horizons until I can see exactly what is in a dish and how it's prepared. If going to an event and am told what will be served there, I can look it up and make a mental note of what I would eat. Otherise, walking in cold somewhere and seeing foods that are unfamiliar is just a no go. Again, calling that a cultural incompatibility sounds overly dramatic. A food incompatibility? Fine. Let's call it that. 

I've spend my life hearing about how when guests come to your home, it's all about the guests and their needs so I guess it's hard to understand why if a guest chooses to forego offered foods for whatever reason, that that is deemed an insult to the culture? What? I'm not eating it no matter whom has prepared it. Expecting a guest-- again, the one that is supposed to be the one accommodated-- to force themself to eat something that they do not like or want to seems really over the top.  

An example that was uncomfortable: I don't eat fish. The taste of it makes me almost gag. So sue me, I don't like it and don't eat it. My spouse and I were going to visit his aunt in another state for the first time and when we arrived at their home she had prepared this huge meal of salmon and other stuff that I do not eat. I explained that I don't eat any fish and that I was perfectly fine having a couple of boiled potatoes and green beans and that was the end of it. His aunt was not insulted. She didn't complain to my spouse or anything. I was not upset that she did not ask my spouse what I like before deciding what to prepare. My spouse was not upset with me. It was a very simple situation that was handled without anyone feeling disrespected or insulted. 

Edited January 3, 2022 by configdotsys

[StatisticalOutlier]

18 hours ago, Yeah No said:

She may assume that when the camera people go home, she is off the record. 

But @Empress1 gave examples where this very show has used night-camera-in-the-apartment footage in previous episodes. 

Maybe (and possibly apparently) she did assume she was off the record, but it wasn't a reasonable assumption, knowing what everybody knows about reality TV by now.  The only people who can claim "I didn't realize" would be the Loud family, and the original New York City cast of The Real World. 

[Empress1]

1 hour ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Maybe (and possibly apparently) she did assume she was off the record, but it wasn't a reasonable assumption, knowing what everybody knows about reality TV by now.  The only people who can claim "I didn't realize" would be the Loud family, and the original New York City cast of The Real World. 

Yeah, in 2022 "I didn't think they'd film me on this TV show I'm on" really isn't a reasonable assumption. Like, they've shown people in the shower on reality shows. There's no expectation of privacy.

[qtpye]

5 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

But @Empress1 gave examples where this very show has used night-camera-in-the-apartment footage in previous episodes. 

Maybe (and possibly apparently) she did assume she was off the record, but it wasn't a reasonable assumption, knowing what everybody knows about reality TV by now.  The only people who can claim "I didn't realize" would be the Loud family, and the original New York City cast of The Real World. 

 

3 hours ago, Empress1 said:

Yeah, in 2022 "I didn't think they'd film me on this TV show I'm on" really isn't a reasonable assumption. Like, they've shown people in the shower on reality shows. There's no expectation of privacy.

I think what bothers me is that we see her exclaiming that she is very unsatisfied with the intimate parts of their relationships but later tells the experts everything is perfect.

I think some of the posters were correct in that she was protecting Ryan because she desperately wanted to stay married to him.

I never really felt like Ryan was into her as much as she was into him. Actually, I do not know if she was into him or just into the idea of being a wife.

And there is no way that the show would pass off the chance to showcase a wife almost sobbing about how she gets her husband off each night and he does nothing for her.

Edited January 4, 2022 by qtpye

[Ilovepie]

13 hours ago, qtpye said:

I never really felt like Ryan was into her as much as she was into him. Actually, I do not know if she was into him or just into the idea of being a wife.

I do think Ryan is a nice guy. I also think on a superficial level, they were very compatible. But I also think Ryan is a deeply religious guy, and having committed to getting married, wanted to take it seriously, but there were so many red flags about important issues that he was cautious. I also think he didn't want to air dirty laundry on camera. The most telling statement on his instagram post was the fact that he put religion as a non-negotiable on his application and then these idiots matched him with someone who clearly does not feel the same.

As far as their sex life, I don't think we'll ever know the real truth, and frankly I don't care. They were so different on a fundamental level that sex or not, they were never going to work out.

[Empress1]

2 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

The most telling statement on his instagram post was the fact that he put religion as a non-negotiable on his application and then these idiots matched him with someone who clearly does not feel the same.

Yeah, that’s fucked up of the show to do. Clara wasn’t undecided or questioning. If I remember right she had actively turned her back on religion - didn’t she drop out of a Christian college?

[Ilovepie]

59 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Yeah, that’s fucked up of the show to do. Clara wasn’t undecided or questioning. If I remember right she had actively turned her back on religion - didn’t she drop out of a Christian college?

I think so, but don't remember completely. Ryan's face when they were talking about having kids and he expressed his interest in raising them in the church and she said "I want them to decide for themselves" really spoke volumes. That's when I knew it was not going to work. Still, they had a good camaraderie that I thought, well, maybe. But I'm sorry, if you are that committed to your belief system, you shouldn't be going on this show. If one of the experts is a freaking "Pastor" and even he can't be trusted to match people with compatible religious beliefs, then it's a sign the show doesn't care about that at all.

I wish we could have seen him questioning the experts about this. Like, hey I put on my application that this was non-negotiable for me. WTF? Some "non-negotiables" are questionable, but this isn't one of those things. But they've been doing this since almost the beginning. If you go back to season two, Davina said she absolutely needed to stay in Manhattan for work, and they matched her with a guy who lived in New Jersey and didn't want to move. He was a weirdo, but still......They might have a slightly better chance of success if they actually used this information instead of completely ignoring it. Because honestly, what is the point of even asking if they are going to totally disregard it anyway?

[qtpye]

2 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I think so, but don't remember completely. Ryan's face when they were talking about having kids and he expressed his interest in raising them in the church and she said "I want them to decide for themselves" really spoke volumes. That's when I knew it was not going to work. Still, they had a good camaraderie that I thought, well, maybe. But I'm sorry, if you are that committed to your belief system, you shouldn't be going on this show. If one of the experts is a freaking "Pastor" and even he can't be trusted to match people with compatible religious beliefs, then it's a sign the show doesn't care about that at all.

I wish we could have seen him questioning the experts about this. Like, hey I put on my application that this was non-negotiable for me. WTF? Some "non-negotiables" are questionable, but this isn't one of those things. But they've been doing this since almost the beginning. If you go back to season two, Davina said she absolutely needed to stay in Manhattan for work, and they matched her with a guy who lived in New Jersey and didn't want to move. He was a weirdo, but still......They might have a slightly better chance of success if they actually used this information instead of completely ignoring it. Because honestly, what is the point of even asking if they are going to totally disregard it anyway?

Not to mention that they matched a woman who was deathly afraid of dogs with a man who had 3 dogs.

 

[pdlinda]

3 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

But they've been doing this since almost the beginning.

To me they work with what they have cast-wise.