Benjamin & Akinyi: Come On Down! You're the Next Contestant on "The (Bride)Price is Right!"

[Bryce Lynch]

1 hour ago, Hannah94 said:

Am I the only one is bored with this couple? I tend to zone off when they are on screen. 

I kind of enjoy them, because they are both real people.   Most of the other couples have at least one raging lunatic or obvious scammer, or both.  

[Hannah94]

6 minutes ago, Bryce Lynch said:

I kind of enjoy them, because they are both real people.   Most of the other couples have at least one raging lunatic or obvious scammer, or both.  

True. But those other couples also make the show snarky, which makes viewers tune in. Because let's face it, the morons on this show make us all feel better about our own lives. Watching a boring "real" couple is just like having dinner with my own family members, and frankly, their lives are way higher quality than mine. So I watch this shit to high five myself, like "thank God, another day I wasn't scammed by someone", etc. 

[Bryce Lynch]

31 minutes ago, Hannah94 said:

True. But those other couples also make the show snarky, which makes viewers tune in. Because let's face it, the morons on this show make us all feel better about our own lives. Watching a boring "real" couple is just like having dinner with my own family members, and frankly, their lives are way higher quality than mine. So I watch this shit to high five myself, like "thank God, another day I wasn't scammed by someone", etc. 

I enjoy the snark and the nuts on the show.  But, it is a nice change of pace to have a couple of relatively normal people., who might have at least some chance. 

Plus, there is plenty to snark about with Ben and Bikini.  

Back hair

Pick earrings 

Fidel

Ben "kidnapped" and taken to Fidel's instead of the Airbnb.  

Ben with no gifts.

Fish brains

"Did you miss me?" "No..yes."

Bride price. 

Oil! Sauce! Oil! Sauce!.....

Ben being broke.

Bikini flirting very suggestively and Ben's reaction.

Bikini getting plastered and demanding more margaritas.  

"My dark chocolate."  "My vanilla ice cream".  CRINGE!

[blubld43]

Her behavior was scary to me, that begging for more is exactly what addiction looks like. I don't say she's an alcoholic or addict, who knows? Just that that was NOT normal social behavior.

[Angry Moldovan]

1 minute ago, blubld43 said:

Her behavior was scary to me, that begging for more is exactly what addiction looks like. I don't say she's an alcoholic or addict, who knows? Just that that was NOT normal social behavior.

I think that’s the first time she has ever drank and was therefore just acting really silly. It wasn’t normal but indicative of a very immature girl. Ben just rubs me up the wrong way with sanctimonious bs. He’s divorced, but picks and chooses his Christian morality to suit himself. 

[blubld43]

20 minutes ago, Angry Moldovan said:

I think that’s the first time she has ever drank and was therefore just acting really silly. It wasn’t normal but indicative of a very immature girl. Ben just rubs me up the wrong way with sanctimonious bs. He’s divorced, but picks and chooses his Christian morality to suit himself. 

Well could be. That whole scene was disturbing: Akinyi's extreme behavior, Ben's misogynistic, judgy response. He is old enough to have some perspective here, has he been so sheltered that he doesn't understand the way alcohol could have affected her? If he wants to shepherd a flock(being a pastor), I hope he's prepared for ALL the flock.

Edited October 1, 2019 by blubld43

[magemaud]

17 hours ago, DeeReynolds said:

Finally dawned on me last night that Benjamin reminds me (looks wise) of Buster Bluth. Now I can't unsee it. 

Yep, the first time I saw him, I posted a similar comment back on page 1 of this thread

[Angry Moldovan]

9 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Yep, the first time I saw him, I posted a similar comment back on page 1 of this thread

But I love Buster, motherboy, the army, and he was the only compassionate one. He did transform into  Darzeeee when had juice tho.

[Bryce Lynch]

1 hour ago, blubld43 said:

Well could be. That whole scene was disturbing: Akinyi's extreme behavior, Ben's misogynistic, judgy response. He is old enough to have some perspective here, has he been so sheltered that he doesn't understand the way alcohol could have affected her? If he wants to shepherd a flock(being a pastor), I hope he's prepared for ALL the flock.

He is not going to be married to the members of his church and a pastor doesn't get to choose them. 

You do get to choose whom you marry and if someone exhibits behavior you cannot live with in a spouse, it is wise to reconsider proposing.

Was Annie being misandrous when she was upset with David Poor getting smashed?

Edited October 1, 2019 by Bryce Lynch

[magemaud]

I have to chuckle every time I re-watch Ben introducing himself to the elders, "Hi, my name is Benjamin...[I half expect them to respond "Hi, Benjamin" like they're at an AA meeting], I'm 32 years old and I'm from Phoenix and this is my first time in Kenya..." 

It's like he's at a conference or something and everyone is going around saying their name, where they're from, etc. He just needs a name tag. 

[FairyDusted]

57 minutes ago, magemaud said:

I have to chuckle every time I re-watch Ben introducing himself to the elders, "Hi, my name is Benjamin...[I half expect them to respond "Hi, Benjamin" like they're at an AA meeting], I'm 32 years old and I'm from Phoenix and this is my first time in Kenya..." 

It's like he's at a conference or something and everyone is going around saying their name, where they're from, etc. He just needs a name tag. 

LMAO!!! Oh man....I'm never getting that out of my head now.

Thanks;)

[Rt66vintage]

I'm wondering if Akini can read. Did she open the menu upside down? She had very little interest in it, simply ordering "fish," then poking at it & stupidly asking "is this oil?" She was acting strange (and ignorant) before the margarita arrived. 

Can someone tell if her braids are her real hair? They're quite pretty & well done. If she does have an eventual meet-up with Grayson, the first thing she'll probably do is fix & manage the boy's hair. (We've seen pictures of him)

The same kind of biracial hair disaster was seen with white Molly and her youngest daughter. I believe Benjamin is the primary caregiver of little Grayson, which he talked about in the first episode. I'm sure braids & specialty hair cuts are not in Ben's budget, but certainly he could learn to use an electric razor. Just my opinion. 

[Gobi]

“Hello, my name is Benjamin. You killed my father, prepare to die.”

[Angry Moldovan]

1 hour ago, Bryce Lynch said:

He is not going to be married to the members of his church and a pastor doesn't get to choose them. 

You do get to choose whom you marry and if someone exhibits behavior you cannot live with in a spouse, it is wise to reconsider proposing.

Was Annie being misandrous when she was upset with David Poor getting smashed?

The difference being that David Pour was a drunk and had embarrassed Annie numerous times. I think when she wakes up the next day with a hangover she might rethink how great margaritas are. Disclaimer: this doesn’t stop me

1 hour ago, magemaud said:

I have to chuckle every time I re-watch Ben introducing himself to the elders, "Hi, my name is Benjamin...[I half expect them to respond "Hi, Benjamin" like they're at an AA meeting], I'm 32 years old and I'm from Phoenix and this is my first time in Kenya..." 

It's like he's at a conference or something and everyone is going around saying their name, where they're from, etc. He just needs a name tag. 

It’s because he lacks any personality or originality 

[RealReality]

5 hours ago, blubld43 said:

Serious question. Is it automatically a fetish if Ben is simply attracted to Black women? I mean, we like who we like. I have always been attracted to a certain type of man lookswise, is that a fetish?

I had this same question.

[libgirl2]

2 hours ago, Bryce Lynch said:

He is not going to be married to the members of his church and a pastor doesn't get to choose them. 

You do get to choose whom you marry and if someone exhibits behavior you cannot live with in a spouse, it is wise to reconsider proposing.

Was Annie being misandrous when she was upset with David Poor getting smashed?

Especially when you have a small child involved. Now there is nothing wrong with drinking in moderation and on occasion you might get tipsy, but if that is a deal breaker in your book, don't marry someone who does. 

[iwasish]

22 hours ago, Arynm said:

I did not like that he told the waiter that she could only have one drink. You are not her dad Ben, do not boss her around. I would have ordered 2 just to spite him. That really rubbed me the wrong way. The fact that he was right and she couldn't even handle one drink was beside the point.

While Ben has no right to tell her how many drinks she can have, he has no obligation to pay for her drinks after she is clearly shitfaced. 

[RealReality]

1 minute ago, iwasish said:

While Ben has no right to tell her how many drinks she can have, he has no obligation to pay for her drinks after she is clearly shitfaced. 

And no obligation to spend time with a sloppy drunk.  Put her in a cab and send her home, or go back to the Airbnb and read the Bible or sing the hymnals.  

They just met, most people can hold it together for a few months.  The fact that she cannot and is already sloppy drunk would be a red flag for me.  

I don't mind my friends getting sloppy drunk if we're going out to a bar or a club.  And even that gets old after a while. 

But we're in a place that looks red lobster'esque and you're getting sloppy, demanding drinks and putting your head on the table?  Oh no, you do you and keep drinking boo, I'll make sure you have the Uber app on your phone. 

[Mothra]

19 hours ago, IllLitShips said:

I have a question for you about the bride price. The elders in Akinyi's church explained the reason behind it was biblical.  Was this a practice that existed before Christianity in Africa?

And what has an Old Testament story (Rebecca) have to do with Christian teachings?  No one in the New Testament talks about a bride price or dowry, least of all Jesus.

I think this is a case of convenient justification for a tradition, using the Bible as a basis for what is desired anyway.  Like numbers, the Bible can be used to prove anything.

[blubld43]

13 minutes ago, RealReality said:

And no obligation to spend time with a sloppy drunk.  Put her in a cab and send her home, or go back to the Airbnb and read the Bible or sing the hymnals.  

They just met, most people can hold it together for a few months.  The fact that she cannot and is already sloppy drunk would be a red flag for me.  

I don't mind my friends getting sloppy drunk if we're going out to a bar or a club.  And even that gets old after a while. 

But we're in a place that looks red lobster'esque and you're getting sloppy, demanding drinks and putting your head on the table?  Oh no, you do you and keep drinking boo, I'll make sure you have the Uber app on your phone. 

I agree with all the above. The entire scene was disturbing and neither of them looked good IMO. I have to remind myself as well that we see edited footage; I wonder what that scene looked like in full.

[gavinmac]

I think it's refreshing to see someone on this show say "I'm not particularly interested in being a parental figure to your kid."

That's more normal to me to than the ones who meet the kid and say "Hi. Call me Dad."

And now that I think of it, it's the dudes who always seem more interested in being immediate stepfathers than the women do in being immediate stepmothers.

[iwasish]

4 hours ago, gavinmac said:

I think it's refreshing to see someone on this show say "I'm not particularly interested in being a parental figure to your kid."

That's more normal to me to than the ones who meet the kid and say "Hi. Call me Dad."

And now that I think of it, it's the dudes who always seem more interested in being immediate stepfathers than the women do in being immediate stepmothers.

Probably cause the bulk of the child rearing/care during the guys visitation will be done by the step mom.  Men are shocked when they realize how much had to be done day to day with  kids. Yes some men step up, and really enjoy it and do a great job, but many quickly look for a substitute mother. 

[OrchidThief]

2 hours ago, iwasish said:

Men are shocked when they realize how much had to be done day to day with  kids.

I'm unmarried, no kids. But I've noticed this phenom. Men get so insistent on joint custody, then when they get it really don't want it. Meanwhile, the poor kid is getting bounced between two homes and probably forgets schoolbooks, gear, whatever is needed for the day. 

[Mrs. Hanson]

51 minutes ago, OrchidThief said:

I'm unmarried, no kids. But I've noticed this phenom. Men get so insistent on joint custody, then when they get it really don't want it. Meanwhile, the poor kid is getting bounced between two homes and probably forgets schoolbooks, gear, whatever is needed for the day. 

I have many friends/relatives who have gone through this where than man was insisting on joint custody 50/50, if not more custody as a way, to me, assert control over a situation where the woman wants out.  Or they try to get more custody as a way of paying less support.  And then they learn just how much the mom did with all the little details.

[HunterHunted]

On 9/30/2019 at 8:11 PM, IllLitShips said:

I have a question for you about the bride price. The elders in Akinyi's church explained the reason behind it was biblical.  Was this a practice that existed before Christianity in Africa?

On 10/1/2019 at 3:47 PM, Mothra said:

And what has an Old Testament story (Rebecca) have to do with Christian teachings?  No one in the New Testament talks about a bride price or dowry, least of all Jesus.

I think this is a case of convenient justification for a tradition, using the Bible as a basis for what is desired anyway.  Like numbers, the Bible can be used to prove anything.

I'm not a historian and only have access to things I can remember or Google, but I would imagine that it does predate Christianity in Africa. We know that Christianity didn't achieve much penetration into Africa until the 1400s. It sort of stuck to the coastlines and were part of the Eastern Orthodox churches that you'll see on Egypt, Somalia, and Eritrea. 

All 3 Abrahamic religions come out of the same area and culture so it's not surprising to see bride price in earlier practice of Islam, Christianity, and Judaism. One needs to remember that bride price was a concept that existed in the pre-islamic Arabic societies that Muhammad first converted. Outside of Rome, the Arabs were the great travelers and traders of the first thousand years of the common era. They'd ventured into a lot of Africa, Western Europe, central Europe, Asia, and Southeast Asia. They actually figured out how to cross the Sahara. Archaeologists have found Asian artifacts in Sub Saharan West Africa and Sub Saharan West African artifacts in Southeastern Asia that predated European contact in either place. It's not a huge number of artifacts. One cannot forget that the Moors had substantial influence in Mediterranean countries like Italy, Spain, and Portugal for 700 years. So even if bride price existed in Africa before Christianity, it may have been introduced via Islam.

Finally, bride price is a concept that many cultures have arrived at independent of Christianity because many cultures needed to come up with a solution of what to do if you marry your daughter off to a dude who cannot provide for her for the rest of her life. This might be because he can't give her a child, died, or he's just so abusive and violent that he'll kill your daughter and destabilize your entire community with his violence. Plus bride price is another way of sealing familial bonds.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price?wprov=sfla1

People reflexively say they practice bride price because of the Bible because it's the oldest document most people know and they aren't anthropologists.

On 10/1/2019 at 8:13 AM, blubld43 said:

Serious question. Is it automatically a fetish if Ben is simply attracted to Black women? I mean, we like who we like. I have always been attracted to a certain type of man lookswise, is that a fetish?

https://www.mxogyny.com/current-issues/010ghq4pdw3z61263lmqfl7qbar79f

https://www.rewire.org/love/racist-racial-dating-preference/

The reasons I have my suspicions is because he's barely articulated what he likes about her besides her looks (including her skin color) and her faith. And I'm kinda thinking there's more to her than that. Plus he declared himself done with dating in Phoenix. Phoenix has millions of people, but has a pretty small Black population--about 100,000. Who knows how many are in his age range. Being thin on details why they're attracted to their foreign partner is a Hallmark of 90 Days.

On 10/1/2019 at 1:22 PM, Rt66vintage said:

I'm wondering if Akini can read.

Seriously????? She's been corresponding with Ben for months. If you've seen her Instagram responses to the show, she writes at a higher grade level than the average American can read. Run the readability numbers.

Edited October 6, 2019 by HunterHunted

[Bryce Lynch]

8 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

I'm not a historian and only have access to things I can remember or Google, but I would imagine that it does predate Christianity in Africa. We know that Christianity didn't achieve much penetration into Africa until the 1400s. It sort of stuck to the coastlines and were part of the Eastern Orthodox churches that you'll see on Egypt, Somalia, and Eritrea. 

All 3 Abrahamic religions come out of the same area and culture so it's not surprising to see bride price in earlier practice of Islam, Christianity, and Judaism. One needs to remember that bride price was a concept that existed in the pre-islamic Arabic societies that Muhammad first converted. Outside of Rome, the Arabs were the great travelers and traders of the first thousand years of the common era. They'd ventured into a lot of Africa, Western Europe, central Europe, Asia, and Southeast Asia. They actually figured out how to cross the Sahara. Archaeologists have found Asian artifacts in Sub Saharan West Africa and Sub Saharan West African artifacts in Southeastern Asia that predated European contact in either place. It's not a huge number of artifacts. One cannot forget that the Moors had substantial influence in Mediterranean countries like Italy, Spain, and Portugal for 700 years. So even if bride price existed in Africa before Christianity, it may have been introduced via Islam.

Finally, bride price is a concept that many cultures have arrived at independent of Christianity because many cultures needed to come up with a solution of what to do if you marry your daughter off to a dude who cannot provide for her for the rest of her life. This might be because he can't give her a child, died, or he's just so abusive and violent that he'll kill your daughter and destabilize your entire community with his violence. Plus bride price is another way of dealing familial bonds.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price?wprov=sfla1

People reflexively say they practice bride price because of the Bible because it's the oldest document most people know and they aren't anthropologists.

https://www.mxogyny.com/current-issues/010ghq4pdw3z61263lmqfl7qbar79f

https://www.rewire.org/love/racist-racial-dating-preference/

The reasons I have my suspicions is because he's barely articulated what he likes about her besides her looks (including her skin color) and her faith. And I'm kinda thinking there's more to her than that. Plus he declared himself done with dating in Phoenix. Phoenix has millions of people, but has a pretty small Black population--about 100,000. Who knows how many are in his age range. Being thin on details why they're attracted to their foreign partner is a Hallmark of 90 Days.

Seriously????? She's been corresponding with Ben for months. If you've seen her Instagram responses to the show, she writes at a higher grade level than the average American can read. Run the readability numbers.

Good information.

As for Benjamin, I think it is possible, that he likes black women, in a non-fetishy way, but because he is shy and they are not in large supply in his area, he fell for Akinyi more easily than he might otherwise.  She also appeared to be a demure, devout Christian woman.  

With him finding her attractive, her sharing his faith and her seeming to have the sort of personality he likes, Ben might have filled in the blanks with his imagination, as people are apt to do.   

[RealReality]

2 hours ago, Bryce Lynch said:

Good information.

As for Benjamin, I think it is possible, that he likes black women, in a non-fetishy way, but because he is shy and they are not in large supply in his area, he fell for Akinyi more easily than he might otherwise.  She also appeared to be a demure, devout Christian woman.  

With him finding her attractive, her sharing his faith and her seeming to have the sort of personality he likes, Ben might have filled in the blanks with his imagination, as people are apt to do.   

I agree, how many times have we heard people (mostly men) on this show talk about Latina or Brazilian women in almost the same light?  

It's almost  always some version of "I find these women physically attractive and culturally family values are important to them".   But we so rarely call it out as a fetish.  

[blubld43]

5 hours ago, RealReality said:

I agree, how many times have we heard people (mostly men) on this show talk about Latina or Brazilian women in almost the same light?  

It's almost  always some version of "I find these women physically attractive and culturally family values are important to them".   But we so rarely call it out as a fetish.  

Someone upthread said it boils down to being a question of, does he like/love her as a person or is it just her color he loves? That makes sense to me, it's a fetish if he's only with her for her skin tone.

ETA: these guys act like family values are new and surprising, really, is there any culture that doesn't think family is important??

Edited October 5, 2019 by blubld43

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, blubld43 said:

Someone upthread said it boils down to being a question of, does he like/love her as a person or is it just her color he loves? That makes sense to me, it's a fetish if he's only with her for her skin tone.

ETA: these guys act like family values are new and surprising, really, is there any culture that doesn't think family is important??

If that's the case than all these people have a fetish.  Because nearly all of them know less than Ben does about akyini. 

Do all these guys have a Latina fetish?  Do these women have a middle eastern fetish?  Most of these participants don't know anything about the person other than how they look.  It's maybe a tiny bit demeaning to imply that if someone finds black women attractive, it's a fetish but not when it's Latina women or middle eastern men. 

[blubld43]

6 hours ago, RealReality said:

If that's the case than all these people have a fetish.  Because nearly all of them know less than Ben does about akyini. 

Do all these guys have a Latina fetish?  Do these women have a middle eastern fetish?  Most of these participants don't know anything about the person other than how they look.  It's maybe a tiny bit demeaning to imply that if someone finds black women attractive, it's a fetish but not when it's Latina women or middle eastern men. 

This whole show is pretty demeaning. 

Yes, I guess it is a fetish for most of them. Tim goes on about her culture's "family values", well I guess the older, uglier ones have those same values! 

Edited October 5, 2019 by blubld43

[IllLitShips]

18 hours ago, Bryce Lynch said:

Good information.

As for Benjamin, I think it is possible, that he likes black women, in a non-fetishy way, but because he is shy and they are not in large supply in his area, he fell for Akinyi more easily than he might otherwise.  She also appeared to be a demure, devout Christian woman.  

With him finding her attractive, her sharing his faith and her seeming to have the sort of personality he likes, Ben might have filled in the blanks with his imagination, as people are apt to do.   

The reason why I thought he had a fetish was that cringey dark chocolate comment he made. He came off as a really awkward guy at first. However,  I have grown really fond of him and I agree with everything you said. He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and he is really trying to show Akinyi and her family that is is respectful. I actually like that he wants to wait until they are married to have sex and has concerns about her being a stepmother to his son. 

[HunterHunted]

11 hours ago, RealReality said:

If that's the case than all these people have a fetish.  Because nearly all of them know less than Ben does about akyini. 

Do all these guys have a Latina fetish?  Do these women have a middle eastern fetish?  Most of these participants don't know anything about the person other than how they look.  It's maybe a tiny bit demeaning to imply that if someone finds black women attractive, it's a fetish but not when it's Latina women or middle eastern men. 

And I'd probably say that there is a LOT of fetishism on display on 90 Days. We have Tim who has been involved with more than one Latina, traveled to Colombia multiple times, doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, and has picked a woman, Jenifffffer, who is fundamentally unsuited for him. There is Rebecca, who after a terrible experience marrying a much younger controlling Muslim man who sponged off of her, has chosen another much younger controlling Muslim man who is sponging off of her. Then there is Caesar who announced his preference for white women loudly and proudly and the inferiority of Black women on his social media until he realized that was literally the dumbest thing possible. I think people aren't calling out the fetish with other races because it's so normalized that we barely even notice it.

I loved the OKCupid data blog. It dug down into a bunch of interesting data points about how people corresponded with each other, who they corresponded with, and duration of their correspondence along with other data. Their data demonstrated that Black women and Asian men were viewed as less desirable than others in the US. Data from the Census, Social Security Administration, and state marriage records also back that up as both groups have the lowest rates of interracial marriage. There's no way you come by those biases naturally because some of the markers of "attractiveness" like symmetricality are found in every race. These are socialized biases.

Aside from the fetishists, 90 Days has western assholes who have deliberately chosen foreign paramours who live in cultures where divorce is culturally frowned upon to minimize the chances that their spouses will divorce them. It's not a fetish, but a deliberate attempt to manipulate and control their partner.

[Mothra]

15 hours ago, RealReality said:

It's maybe a tiny bit demeaning to imply that if someone finds black women attractive, it's a fetish but not when it's Latina women or middle eastern men. 

Agree 1000%.  Because why else would a white man want to date a black woman, if it's not a fetish? 😖

[IllLitShips]

9 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

And I'd probably say that there is a LOT of fetishism on display on 90 Days. We have Tim who has been involved with more than one Latina, traveled to Colombia multiple times, doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, and has picked a woman, Jenifffffer, who is fundamentally unsuited for him. There is Rebecca, who after a terrible experience marrying a much younger controlling Muslim man who sponged off of her, has chosen another much younger controlling Muslim man who is sponging off of her. Then there is Caesar who announced his preference for white women loudly and proudly and the inferiority of Black women on his social media until he realized that was literally the dumbest thing possible. I think people aren't calling out the fetish with other races because it's so normalized that we barely even notice it.

I loved the OKCupid data blog. It dug down into a bunch of interesting data points about how people corresponded with each other, who they corresponded with, and duration of their correspondence along with other data. Their data demonstrated that Black women and Asian men were viewed as less desirable than others in the US. Data from the Census, Social Security Administration, and state marriage records also back that up as both groups have the lowest rates of interracial marriage. There's no way you come by those biases naturally because some of the markers of "attractiveness" like symmetricality are found in every race. These are socialized biases.

Aside from the fetishists, 90 Days has western assholes who have deliberately chosen foreign paramours who live in cultures where divorce is culturally frowned upon to minimize the chances that their spouses will divorce them. It's not a fetish, but a deliberate attempt to manipulate and control their partner.

I specifically Remember Bret, from season 2 I believe,  saying that is why he was looking for a wife from the Philippines, because they don't divorce there and he didn't want to go through a divorce again.

[Frozendiva]

8 hours ago, Mothra said:

Agree 1000%.  Because why else would a white man want to date a black woman, if it's not a fetish? 😖

I don’t watch the Kardashians but there seems to be no escape from them. Almost all of them have black boyfriends/spouses/person of the month. I can see people of all shapes, sizes and colors and ethnicities, but it seems to be their thing.

[iwasish]

Fetish may not be the correct term to use. Let’s say Benjamin has a “type” or “preference” or “ attraction to” black women. If he made a list of qualities he was looking for in a spouse, NOT including any physical characteristics, and some one matched that list to let’s say 5 women( some white, some black )and gave him their profiles and a photograph of each, asking him to pick 3 to meet. It’s my guess that he will choose more black than white women, if not all black. 
 
I don’t mean this as a knock at him or that there is something wrong with it.  
I have friends who have strong  preferences in the men they find attractive. Some always look at blond/blue eyed guys, others go for dark hair/eyes. Some like tall men, others “not too tall”, or “no guys with tattoos” “ no man buns” “ definitely a ponytail!!! “ I’ve never heard them say they would NEVER DATE someone outside their expressed preference. And some have  husbands that don’t fit their “type” .

 

Edited October 7, 2019 by iwasish

[Christina]

On 10/4/2019 at 2:34 AM, HunterHunted said:

Seriously????? She's been corresponding with Ben for months. If you've seen her Instagram responses to the show, she writes at a higher grade level than the average American can read. Run the readability numbers.

I took the comment to be referring to her vision, because it was discussed somewhere, maybe the live feed thread, about her having difficulty reading the menu and seeing her food. It could have been literacy related, but she definitely seemed to be having trouble reading to me. The lighting while filming probably didn't help.

****

Akinyi wrote and directed some short films for college, but this is the only one I found, and I think it originally was linked on Reddit, but I don't have that link any longer. I received the link from a friend days ago and am just getting around to posting:

Take Care of Yourself

Ben has provided an update on their Visa Journal and Frauded by TLC has posted them. He fulfilled the first three steps of the K1 process.

 The second two are posted for discussion. There is some verification in the comments, I think, but I haven't read throughout it.

Edited October 7, 2019 by Christina
Trying to fix link

[blubld43]

And this is the guy bringing over a foreign bride??

Poor Akinyi, I wonder if she knows any of this? If not it's disgusting that Ben would lead her to believe he has any kind of normal middle class life here. Lives with his pastor? Oh hell no.

Edited October 7, 2019 by blubld43

[RealReality]

15 hours ago, iwasish said:

Edited October 7, 2019 by RealReality

[RealReality]

Devil's avocado - a lot of people are still flat after the housing crisis.  And it hit Arizona super hard.  That could be the genesis of his financial/non payment of rent problems.  

Not saying it isnt possible that he is just some deadbeat who didn't want to pay rent.  It's totally possible, but the housing bubble in AZ was crazy and that people are still struggling 11 years later wouldn't surprise me at all.  Especially if they were going through a divorce and maybe didn't have a solid career.

Does anyone know what Ben did before studying to become a pastor?

[Twopper]

1 hour ago, blubld43 said:

And this is the guy bringing over a foreign bride??

Poor Akinyi, I wonder if she knows any of this? If not it's disgusting that Ben would lead her to believe he has any kind of normal middle class life here. Lives with his pastor? Oh hell no.

How will he support her?  Especially after the has to pay the "bride price" to her daddy.  I feel sorry for her for falling for this guy.    At least it sounds like she won't have to spend too much time with her step-son.

[AZChristian]

I seemed to remember reading what denomination Benjamin belongs to, so I started googling churches of that denomination in Phoenix.  Found it!

They have a FB page, but their regular website is down.  There are lots of pictures on the FB page.  We are 30+ year residents of the Phoenix area, and have visited many churches.  Having people of multiple races/ethnic backgrounds is not rare, but we've never seen such a large mix of white/African American members.  

That is awesome . . . but it also makes me wonder why, if he prefers women of color, Benjamin felt he had to import a wife.  There are MANY African American women at his own church, who would already share his beliefs . . . and whom he could get to know more gradually. 

Maybe those who know him have already figured out that he may not be the best they can do. 

[Rt66vintage]

12 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

I seemed to remember reading what denomination Benjamin belongs to, so I started googling churches of that denomination in Phoenix.  Found it!

They have a FB page, but their regular website is down.  There are lots of pictures on the FB page.  We are 30+ year residents of the Phoenix area, and have visited many churches.  Having people of multiple races/ethnic backgrounds is not rare, but we've never seen such a large mix of white/African American members. 

Is it called The People's Temple? 

[AZChristian]

1 hour ago, Rt66vintage said:

Is it called The People's Temple? 

Nope.  Not even close.  It's a small but legitimate denomination.  Very conservative (obviously).

[RealReality]

2 hours ago, AZChristian said:

I seemed to remember reading what denomination Benjamin belongs to, so I started googling churches of that denomination in Phoenix.  Found it!

They have a FB page, but their regular website is down.  There are lots of pictures on the FB page.  We are 30+ year residents of the Phoenix area, and have visited many churches.  Having people of multiple races/ethnic backgrounds is not rare, but we've never seen such a large mix of white/African American members.  

That is awesome . . . but it also makes me wonder why, if he prefers women of color, Benjamin felt he had to import a wife.  There are MANY African American women at his own church, who would already share his beliefs . . . and whom he could get to know more gradually. 

Maybe those who know him have already figured out that he may not be the best they can do. 

I can see how Ben might not fare well at home.  By his own admission he is poor, so finding a 26 year old, who has no kids, no relationship baggage, is attractive and a dedicated christian who wants to be with him is probably a hard find.....no matter what race.  

Ben is 33 (but damn does he look older).  He should be looking for a nice, local black christian woman who maybe has a few kids and a few extra pounds.  Someone who has her own career or at least her own job.  

I don't know that he is particularly controlling because generally he has rolled with all the punches akyini has thrown his way and hasn't gotten too annoyed or upset.  

For those of you who watch love after lockup, I'd like to see he and Andrea just go on a date.  I suspect she has a difficult time finding men in her community who share her strong faith and want to date a black woman. And I know that they are different demoninations, but I think they could get along well.

[RoxiP]

Didn't Ben infer that his divorce settlement pretty much wiped him out and he's starting over?

[Lily247]

On 10/1/2019 at 9:37 AM, Hannah94 said:

So I watch this shit to high five myself, like "thank God, another day I wasn't scammed by someone", etc. 

HA. When I have a bad day, reminding myself that at least I wasnt scammed by someone in Nigeria/Ukraine/Tunisia always makes it brighter too

[blubld43]

5 hours ago, Twopper said:

How will he support her?  Especially after the has to pay the "bride price" to her daddy.  I feel sorry for her for falling for this guy.    At least it sounds like she won't have to spend too much time with her step-son.

How much is an airline ticket, a visa? I'm betting very expensive, especially when you are essentially homeless.

Poor Akinyi. He will expect his wife to sit around counting pennies with him, clipping coupons, singing.  She has a right to know exactly what she's getting into.

[Lily247]

On 10/5/2019 at 10:29 AM, HunterHunted said:

And I'd probably say that there is a LOT of fetishism on display on 90 Days. We have Tim who has been involved with more than one Latina, traveled to Colombia multiple times, doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, and has picked a woman, Jenifffffer, who is fundamentally unsuited for him. There is Rebecca, who after a terrible experience marrying a much younger controlling Muslim man who sponged off of her, has chosen another much younger controlling Muslim man who is sponging off of her. Then there is Caesar who announced his preference for white women loudly and proudly and the inferiority of Black women on his social media until he realized that was literally the dumbest thing possible. I think people aren't calling out the fetish with other races because it's so normalized that we barely even notice it.

I loved the OKCupid data blog. It dug down into a bunch of interesting data points about how people corresponded with each other, who they corresponded with, and duration of their correspondence along with other data. Their data demonstrated that Black women and Asian men were viewed as less desirable than others in the US. Data from the Census, Social Security Administration, and state marriage records also back that up as both groups have the lowest rates of interracial marriage. There's no way you come by those biases naturally because some of the markers of "attractiveness" like symmetricality are found in every race. These are socialized biases.

Aside from the fetishists, 90 Days has western assholes who have deliberately chosen foreign paramours who live in cultures where divorce is culturally frowned upon to minimize the chances that their spouses will divorce them. It's not a fetish, but a deliberate attempt to manipulate and control their partner.

I honestly had no idea that a "fetish" applies to a race/ethnic background. I assumed that, you like who you like. Tim likes Latinas, Darcy likes European, Deavon likes Asian, Sumit likes.Caucasian, 

I always took a "fetish" to be something like a "foot fetish" or a "huge.boobs" fetish, "handcuffs fetish", "whipped cream fetish" like a specific sexual accessory or body part. Sure, there are porn sites dedicated to "Indian porn", "arab porn" "euro porn" "milf porn", so on that token every type of woman of every race and ethnicity is "fetishized"

There has only been ONE 90 day participant that wierded me out and that was Mark, the 58 year old dude who married the 19 year old from the Phillipines. 

[blubld43]

1 hour ago, Lily247 said:

I honestly had no idea that a "fetish" applies to a race/ethnic background. 

I've heard some of the little women on tv talk about guys with " m*****" fetishes, I guess the list is endless.