S12.E15: 7 Chefs Compete

[Lisin]

Ramsay challenges the teams with creating entrees with the highest dollar values with ingredients purchased on a small budget; three previous winners judge individual contestant's entrees.

[TattleTeeny]

I am barging in here as a non-watcher of this show (I used to years ago) to say that I was flipping channels tonight and left it on the end of HK for a minute, and heard a familiar voice. I said to the BF, "Haha--that guy sounds like Anton!" Then we saw his name. I hear that voice all the time outside my windows--he's my neighbor. Holy crap, how funny!
 

He's a very a nice guy (and a doting dog owner). His voice doesn't bother me; it actually often makes me laugh. And, IMO, far better than this show's narrator. Ugh, I had forgotten how annoying that was.

Edited June 20, 2014 by TattleTeeny

[DoctorK]

Great, another To Be Continued for no good reason. Considering how flabby the editing is on this show, there was no reason to cut off the last two minutes just to (they think) to keep us all sitting on the edge of our chairs, holding our breath, just to see next week which one of these losers gets a calendar recipe. By next week I will have forgotten all of their names again, let alone remembering the "cliff hanger" from this week.

[SourK]

I always dislike the episodes with no dinner service, but I have to admit, I was laughing out loud at Gordon Ramsay making such a huge deal out of his stupid calendar, and such a huge deal out of what an honour it was to be included, etc, etc. Then, when it turned out that everyone made a sucky dish, and he was swearing and hitting the jackets, and palming his face -- it's, like, the best non-service episode ever.

 

I'm actually curious to see how this resolves. The editing would lead me to believe that Joy will actually have an okay dish after all this, and the problem will be solved in thirty seconds at the start of the next episode, but it will be so funny if she doesn't.

[BogoGog24]

I hate the TBCs...

 

I have to agree with Jason actually that Paul seemed stuck up here and snobby. However, I seriously doubt Jason did anything to him as the previews suggested. He probably makes a joke that he will put something nasty in Paul's food but doesn't actually mess with it, and then Paul randomly chokes on a piece of food. 

 

I wonder who gets thrown out of the kitchen?

[Tabasco Cat]

A mildly entertaining episode but I have to echo guest chef Paul here: I give it a 1

 

The first challenge was way too subjective on the judging. I might pay $24 for a good dish in a place with cloth napkins, nice silverware, a decent wine list and a classy atmosphere. There's no way I'd pay $24 for it at a not-so-upscale restaurant. To put a dollar value on anything completely devoid of context is absurd.

 

Second challenge: the hype and product advertisement for the stupid calendar was too much. An entiere audience of phony reporters hanging on every word? Please, Ramsay, we're not that stupid. And then, the search for the 12th dish to round out the stunning and amazing calendar, the product of 12 seasons of work.... here's 45 minutes, good luck. Good grief. If that's all the preparation you're willing to put into your fancy schmancy calendar then I don't want one, thank you very much.

 

And the final kick in the pants: no elimination. "To be continued..." Well alrighty then. Not only that, I didn't see a black jacket on any of them in the previews. And perhaps the most wretched part of the whole show was the misleading editing that seems to practically accuse Jason of serving something to Paul with the intention of making him sick on purpose. Yeah, right. Like that's what's going to happen.

 

Gordon Ramsay is rapidly becoming an untrustworthy persona in my book. So much fake. I take back my 1 score above. I give this episode a 0.

[aliya]

Although I usually don't call out a lot of fake on this show, for some reason I thought all of the press at the announcement were all actors. They just didn't look like press. If and when Ramsay wants to bring out a calendar, it's going to be a finished product so he can hype all of the chefs (including the most current). I also think there would be a better forum than the HK studio. My 2 cents.

 

How could everyone (with the possible exception of Joy) wind up with such sucky dishes at this point? I wouldn't give anyone of them a restaurant. And Keisha - too damn dumb to know Rock is kidding her about being from the north?

[cooksdelight]

I call fake, fake, fake, fake (thank you, Elaine Benes) on all of it. Joy's dish will wind up being stunning, she'll get the jacket, and I hope like hell Jason goes home. I cannot stand that asshole. Was he actually in an earlier season with Paul and I somehow forgot all about him?

[ElleryAnne]

Good grief.  I feel like it was months ago that I was wondering how they were still at 10 chefs, and now it's stuck on 7.  This show is just never going to finish.

[Julia]

I don't know if they were fake press. I did wonder how many were online press. There are a lot of websites which seem to rely pretty heavily on this kind of "news."

I appreciated that Kashia was willing to give Scott credit where due, but I don't think he helped so much as he won the challenge for them.

[Writing Wrongs]

How did Joy's dish go from raw to perfectly cooked?

[leighdear]

Joy's dish benefitted from the magic of carryover cooking....stored heat continues to cook the meat while it stands, usually 4-5 degrees.  She's an idiot to not know that.

 

I don't think Paul even remembered Jason.  I don't even remember Paul, his season or Jason. 

 

Dana!  THE YELLER! Every single ITM she filmed, she yelled.  EVERY.SINGLE ONE.  She seems to have calmed down a bit.   

 

I'd be interested to see the recipes on the calendar, but I'd never pay money for it....*LOL*

Edited June 20, 2014 by leighdear

[beesknees]

Dumbest episode to date.  I give it a -1.  I waited all week for this?  The fake reporters about did me in.

[BogoGog24]

Yeah the fake reporters were too much.

[cooksdelight]

Dana! THE YELLER! Every single ITM she filmed, she yelled. EVERY.SINGLE ONE. She seems to have calmed down a bit.

Maybe she got a hearing aid. *snark*

[Madding crowd]

I actually like the episodes with no dinner service because I'm tired of the lobster risotto and beef wellington. I don't believe for a minute that Gabriel's lamb piece that he didn't serve was cooked perfectly and the rest wasn't even worth a point. I don't even like him but shouldn't a good chef put what he thinks is the best food on the plate and leave the rest behind? They acted like he committed a sin by not serving every last morsel, yet Keshia left an entire side dish behind.

 

The fake reporters were just stupid, I'm sure even these dim bulb chefs know that huge groups of reporters would not be interested in them. I'm guessing Joy will win the stunning calendar spot. Glad to see Melanie crash and burn, I can't stand her.

[Eolivet]

The shooting of the shopping trip and the cooking of the dishes was really confusing. How did Scott seem to dictate the red team's proteins? Why did Melanie force the blue team to buy the cornish hen, but then didn't cook it herself? Why did that L.A. Times critic piggyback on someone else's price almost every time? How does writing 3,500 reviews on Yelp make someone qualified to judge food any more than tweeting 3,500 times about Justin Bieber makes someone qualified to judge music?

 

Rochelle is looking more and more like she'll get the "Close but no cigar" final 3 prize, with its bonus offer of Chef Ramsay paying for her culinary school. I don't believe they would be showing her getting sick/having some kind of odd ailment/weakness/crisis of confidence every week if she's the winner.

[ModernWhimsy]

Why did Rochelle puke?

Lame fake reporters, lame calender, lame judges. I wish I could see season 1 again...was it always this fake and I just never realized it?

I really enjoy all types of cooking related competition shows but this show is almost just a reality show cast on a restaurant set.

Rock looked good. Don't remember the other dude.

[SourK]

Another awesome moment that I loved: Gabriel saying he wanted to make his dish "resemble Christmas," and then Ramsay somehow giving him a zero, in a game that ranks you 1-5, and not letting anyone else vote before he walked away in shame.

 

I have to agree with Jason actually that Paul seemed stuck up here and snobby.

 

I forgot about that, but Jason's reaction to Paul was also hilarious. Firstly, because Paul obviously didn't remember him, and Jason kept awkwardly trying to bring up the fact that they knew each other. And then secondly, because he was like, "It's nice to see Paul again" to Paul's face, and the immediately in the talking head he's like, "Pauls an *****" in such a matter of fact way. "He was an ***** in season [whatever], and he's an ***** now."

 

I love it!

 

Although I usually don't call out a lot of fake on this show, for some reason I thought all of the press at the announcement were all actors. They just didn't look like press. If and when Ramsay wants to bring out a calendar, it's going to be a finished product so he can hype all of the chefs (including the most current). I also think there would be a better forum than the HK studio. My 2 cents.

 

Oh, for sure, it was completely and utterly fake, but that's what makes it so hilarious to me. He called a fake press conference, so he could bask in the fake glow of fake attention, while he waxed rhapsodic about his shitty calendar.

 

Was he actually in an earlier season with Paul and I somehow forgot all about him?

 

Wiki says he was pulled for medical reasons right before the first service of his season.

 

How does writing 3,500 reviews on Yelp make someone qualified to judge food any more than tweeting 3,500 times about Justin Bieber makes someone qualified to judge music?

 

I don't know, but she looked uncomfortable to be there, and I love that they immediately cut to a talking head of Keisha (IIRC) saying how great it was to have real food critics tasting their cooking. I wonder who decided to invite the Yelp lady on the show.

 

I am poor and a vegetarian, so I have no idea what people normally pay for good cuts of meat, but I've only ever eaten one restaurant dish that was over $20, and it was, like, the best meal of my life. I have a hard time believing all of those were worth between $20-$30, but the price system did make it less obvious who was going to win each round.

[Rapunzel]

I can’t believe how incompetent and lackluster the remaining contestants are. Rochelle and Scott are still the best of the bunch in my opinion (and Joy is pretty good as well) and as I’ve mentioned before I would love to see those two in the finale. I honestly don’t think I’ll watch if at least one of them isn’t in it because I just loathe nearly all of the others and wouldn’t even entertain the idea at eating at a restaurant where they were just a line cook let alone the Head/Executive Chef. Hell, I wouldn't even go through the drive-thru at McDonalds if one of them were working there.

 

Melanie put raw flour in mashed potatoes to thicken them? Rochelle told her she couldn’t do that and her response was a surprised “really?” She made inedible mashed potatoes – something so basic and hard to screw up to the point where people actually spit them out. She is clearly lacking some fundamental knowledge and skills. No way is she worthy of a head chef position. I hope she goes soon because I am so sick of her attitude and ego.

 

And why was Gabriel standing in front of the oven with the doors wide open to try to get his lamb done in time? Does he not realize that he should try to keep as much heat as possible in?

 

Keisha is just not a bright bulb. Her not being able to say “demi glace” was ridiculous.  I don’t even know if she knows what exactly it is or its proper name as she only managed to call it a “demi.” If you can’t pronounce it, don’t try to make it - though given Keisha's mush mouth and tendency to make up words she wouldn't be left with much that she could cook.

 

Jason had no right to be so smug about Scott and his dish in his TH since at least Scott’s dish looked great and he made it into the double digits on points while Jason ended up with an 8 and was flat out told by Ramsay that he had no shot.

 

So the episode ends with another crappy TBC and 7 chefs still remaining. At this rate, we may not know who the winner is until Christmas.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Rapunzel

[Monty]

According to someone who will be a diner in a future season, this episode was recorded a year ago. If any of the "press" were real, they would have reported on the calendar by now.

[cooksdelight]

Keisha is just not a bright bulb. Her not being able to say “demi glace” was ridiculous.

That told me she won't make it to the finale. Neither will Melanie. Flour in mashed potatoes? Is she insane?

Ramsay is either going to have to ditch this show or stop casting imbeciles, in my opinion.

[Julia]

That told me she won't make it to the finale. Neither will Melanie. Flour in mashed potatoes? Is she insane?

 

And as if that wasn't scary enough, the only problem Rochelle had with it was that she didn't make a roux first. I know these people are under a lot of pressure, but there's $250k on the table, and they're making mistakes anyone who's ever successfully cooked Thanksgiving dinner would have dodged.

 

Boy, I love Rock, and Dana has apparently stopped shouting everything. Paul is still an asshole, and so is Jason, although I really doubt he has the nads to do anything nastier than talk trash so that's probably going to come to nothing.

[Mama No Life]

Tonight was the first night I haven't loathed Scott. And I thought it was nice that he bought his wife an outfit.

LMAO at Melanie putting flour in the mashed potatoes. Um, DUH. She makes the most fucked up mouth twitches.

Was a little disappointed in Joy tonight...even I know meat keeps cooking when it stands, and even if it doesn't, crying and calling attention to it probably isn't smart. First real blip we've seen from her.

Rochelle puked b/c the toilets were so disgusting. I almost puked for hearing her DESCRIBE them as she was cleaning them. Um, NASTY.

[Uncle Benzene]

I'm actually curious to see how this resolves. The editing would lead me to believe that Joy will actually have an okay dish after all this, and the problem will be solved in thirty seconds at the start of the next episode, but it will be so funny if she doesn't.

 

That would have been my bet initially. Ramsay goes pre-emptively apoplectic because Joy chose to do something she's never done before, so of course it's gonna suck out loud. Then... they... *pause for commercial* actually taste it and... it's... *pause for commercial*... stunning! Well done well done well done. Joy, I'm absolutely amazed.

 

But to me, the previews suggest that Joy will either win barely, or possibly tie Rochelle, and with the top score being only 13 out of 20 (or maybe 14 if Joy wins) Ramsay will decide that none of them were worthy of inclusion in the most amazing Hell's Kitchen calendar and/or a black jacket. So he'll strongly admonish them all to wake up/step up, and he'll *pause for commercial* declare a do-over. Starting... right now! (Didn't the previews show Roc/Paul/Dana still there as the contestants were all back running around in the kitchen?)

 

Yep. I'm calling do-over for the first half of next week, then the Minnie Driver service.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Uncle Benzene

[Fostersmom]

Why did Rochelle stick her head in the entire bowl to clean those toilets? Hell, I've cleaned nasty toilets in the public restrooms in the stores I've managed. I certainly never put my face right up to the bowl to clean it. 

 

The fake press conference, I just couldn't. Honestly, even as clueless as these contestants are, I don't even think most of them were buying it, with the exception of Kashia. She, I'm sure, believed it all. Visually, I thought Scott's dish looked the best. What was their issue with his? Rochelle's could have easily been the winner, but raw fat aside, I thought it looked clunky on the plate. She had a good idea, it just needed refined. 

 

I don't cook, make mashed potatoes out of the box, and even I wouldn't put raw flour in the mash to thicken it up. What the hell? She served them paper mache paste. 

[Callasin]

 

Eolivet, on 19 Jun 2014 - 11:21 PM, said:

    How does writing 3,500 reviews on Yelp make someone qualified to judge food any more than tweeting 3,500 times about Justin Bieber makes someone qualified to judge music?

I don't know, but she looked uncomfortable to be there, and I love that they immediately cut to a talking head of Keisha (IIRC) saying how great it was to have real food critics tasting their cooking. I wonder who decided to invite the Yelp lady on the show.

The Yelp lady was on the wrong show.  It would have been comedy gold if Ramsay had brought her to Amy's Baking Co.!

 

I agree with the poster who said that nobody will win the calendar spot.  I don't even think there will be a second competition.  Why would a calendar featuring past winners include a contestant who might be the next to go?  I think he will tell them nobody gets a black jacket yet and they need to work to earn one.

[cooksdelight]

 

She served them paper mache paste

 

 

I was waiting for Ramsay to ask her if she planned to make him some sort of thing out of it to remember her by since she's leaving shortly.

 

 

The Yelp lady was on the wrong show.  It would have been comedy gold if Ramsay had brought her to Amy's Baking Co.!

 

 

Amy might actually pass out if that happened. Samy would cuss until he lost his voice. But I'd pay-per-view to see that happen.

[xcrayon2215x]

I have to say I like seeing the chefs attempt to make the dishes in the challenges more than seeing them mess up Beef Wellingtons in the dinner services. Jason being that bitter towards Paul was hilarious, Rock seemed pretty generous in the voting in my opinion.

[OnceSane]

 

Dana!  THE YELLER! Every single ITM she filmed, she yelled.  EVERY.SINGLE ONE.  She seems to have calmed down a bit.

 

I was surprised.  I expect one TH from her next week where she reverts to her normal loud voice.

 

 

Glad to see Melanie crash and burn, I can't stand her.

 

That was my favorite part of the episode.  She is not the special snowflake she thinks she is.

[beesknees]

Another awesome moment that I loved: Gabriel saying he wanted to make his dish "resemble Christmas," and then Ramsay somehow giving him a zero, in a game that ranks you 1-5, and not letting anyone else vote before he walked away in shame.

 

 

I forgot about that, but Jason's reaction to Paul was also hilarious. Firstly, because Paul obviously didn't remember him, and Jason kept awkwardly trying to bring up the fact that they knew each other. And then secondly, because he was like, "It's nice to see Paul again" to Paul's face, and the immediately in the talking head he's like, "Pauls an *****" in such a matter of fact way. "He was an ***** in season [whatever], and he's an ***** now."

 

I love it!

 

 

Oh, for sure, it was completely and utterly fake, but that's what makes it so hilarious to me. He called a fake press conference, so he could bask in the fake glow of fake attention, while he waxed rhapsodic about his shitty calendar.

 

 

Wiki says he was pulled for medical reasons right before the first service of his season.

 

 

I don't know, but she looked uncomfortable to be there, and I love that they immediately cut to a talking head of Keisha (IIRC) saying how great it was to have real food critics tasting their cooking. I wonder who decided to invite the Yelp lady on the show.

 

I am poor and a vegetarian, so I have no idea what people normally pay for good cuts of meat, but I've only ever eaten one restaurant dish that was over $20, and it was, like, the best meal of my life. I have a hard time believing all of those were worth between $20-$30, but the price system did make it less obvious who was going to win each round.

I second all of this.  Although not a vegetarian I must be REALLY OUT OF IT because that 1st chicken dish? (I think it was poultry of some sort) was priced at 20 something dollars.  I was like "HUH?"  And totally agree about the Yelp lady. One giving his/her opinion about 3-4,000 times does not an expert make.

[DropTheSoap]

Paul appears to be a bigger ass now than he was in his season. This might be one time when I agree with Jason, who I also find to be an ass.

Melanie's crash and burn should bring her to reality, but reality does seem to be a strong suit for many contestants. (cf. also, Anton, Gabriel, etc.)

I was sad Dana didn't scream a taking head at us.

[mlp]

 

Dana!  THE YELLER! Every single ITM she filmed, she yelled.

 

I give up.  What does ITM stand for?  I'm sure it will seem obvious when I find out but I can't come up with anything.

 

Glad to see Melanie crash and burn, I can't stand her.

 

 

I can't either.  I think I actually like Kaisha better and that's saying a lot.

Edited June 21, 2014 by mlp

[fishcakes]

That janky calendar was hilarious. It looks like the calendar I get every year from the family-owned company where I buy heating oil. Each month features a recipe from one of their employees, usually some kind of casserole, usually involving macaroni. I need to see the Hell's Kitchen July page to see if there's a reminder to get my furnace tuned up before winter. Then I'll know for sure.

 

I was really curious about Master Yelper because she looked as if she was being forced to be there. After a guess at her name (because Gordon said it so quickly and the closed captioning rendered it, funnily enough, as "a meal out"), I found out she's Anita Lau, who's a food writer with a pretty decent resume. This is the bio page from her food blog and she's also authored a now out-of-print cookbook. She also has a good sense of humor about her Resting Bitch Face because she retweeted this picture that someone tweeted after her HK appearance

 

 

[leighdear]

I give up.  What does ITM stand for?

 

It stands for "In The Moment".  Standard Reality show comment from a participant that supposedly happens in response to a situation we see on screen. 

 

Also known as a "Talking Head"....Past contestants on various shows have stated that producers refer to them as ITM's.

[BogoGog24]

I quite frankly never understood why people (viewers and contestants) don't like Scott. Is it because they think he's a kiss ass/suckup or tries to help too much? He seems like a decent chef, at least the best of the rest of the guys (although that isn't saying very much lol) and tries to be nice and helpful. He always tries to help his teammates wherever they need it, even if he might do that too much. And the way he tried to comfort Joy was sweet. I don't get it.

[Eolivet]

Anita Lau, who's a food writer with a pretty decent resume. This is the bio page from her food blog and she's also authored a now out-of-print cookbook.

 

I realize this is probably expecting too much from Hell's Kitchen, but after reading her bio, I'd describe her as "a Southern California food critic, whose reviews have appeared both in print and online." Or if you absolutely must reference Yelp -- like it's a corporate sponsor or something -- how about "a veteran Yelp reviewer who is well respected in the food blogger space." I have no idea which Hell's Kitchen intern took a look at Anita Lau's bio and came up with "3,500 reviews on Yelp" -- which completely devalues her other accomplishments, as well as conjures images of Aaron Sorkin's muumu-wearing chain smoker. Unless that was the goal, but I don't think Hell's Kitchen is that diabolical. Just lazy.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Eolivet

[BogoGog24]

I think they made it even worse by labeling her as "Master Yelper." Maybe it was someone's idea of a joke?

[Julia]

The ratings on Kitchen Nightmares have shot up this season because of Amy's Baking Company going viral. Maybe they thought promoting her as a Yelper would bring more internet attention to the yard for this show.

[mlp]

 

It stands for "In The Moment".  Standard Reality show comment from a participant that supposedly happens in response to a situation we see on screen.

 

Also known as a "Talking Head"....Past contestants on various shows have stated that producers refer to them as ITM's.

 

Thank you leighdear.  I would never have figured that out.  For some reason, I'd never run across that abbreviation before.

 

I quite frankly never understood why people (viewers and contestants) don't like Scott.

 

 

I don't understand it either.  He's actually my favorite of the bunch of them. 

[leighdear]

I think the only people who actually had the problems with Scott were Anton & Richard.  Probably because he didn't do stupid things, didn't screw up constantly, could count (Gabriel, I'm looking at you!) and didn't bark and rage at people.  Jason & Gabriel probably just piled on with them because they realized Scott was an easy target. Better him than them!    

 

I like Scott too, though all the other "big" personalities have seemed to grab all the camera time & attention, so it was kinda hard to see how competent he's been. 

[ProfCrash]

Scott is a bit hyper. He jumps from his station to other stations and helps when people don't ask for help. I think he is well intentioned but annoying to work with. Even worse, when he does help he brings up food that is problematic.

[aliya]

Does anyone else want to slap Rochelle?  I see that she tries and that she frequently cooks better than the rest of them (or at least holds her own), but that constant laughter.  It drives me nuts. No way do I see her managing anything. You don't have to be a b...h to be serious and I appreciate a sense of humor as much as the next person, but geez. I could not take her seriously in the workplace at all. 

 

I know people complained about Mary's voice last season, but Mary was serious about what she was doing and it came through. You learned to disregard the voice.  Rochelle may be serious, but there's something odd about her public displays, whether it is nervousness or something else, it just rubs me the wrong way. 

[QuiGonJ]

http://shop.fox.com/hells-kitchen-2015-12-month-calendar/detail.php?p=577680

 

Believe it or not, the calendar is a thing. I won't be shelling out $13 for it, and yeh, Chef Ramsay owes me an hour for wating my time with that episode.

[Monty]

Late June: the perfect time to sell a calendar!

[Kromm]

"I never had that educational Palate".   Hee.  Kashia cracks me up.

 

I'd forgotten how attractive Dana is (screamer or not, she's quite a looker). I wonder though how Christina Wilson feels about someone else getting the Season 10 representation on that crappy calendar. Oh wait.  Christina is pretty much the only person to get a REAL Head Chef job with the Ramsay Group... so she's probably okay with not getting on some lame ass calendar nobody is going to see.

Edited June 21, 2014 by Kromm

[cooksdelight]

That janky calendar was hilarious. It looks like the calendar I get every year from the family-owned company where I buy heating oil. Each month features a recipe from one of their employees, usually some kind of casserole, usually involving macaroni. I need to see the Hell's Kitchen July page to see if there's a reminder to get my furnace tuned up before winter. Then I'll know for sure.

I'm going to have to buy Depends if you keep posting funny shit like that. :) I was also thinking, "Damn! That looks like one of those calendars you do yourself on Snapfish!"

I like Scott also. Yeah, he's a bit of an over-helper, but I think that's his earnestness in wanting to win and wanting his team to win. Once we get to black jackets (Dear Lord, will that day ever come?) we may see a change in his attitude of helpfulness.

I just love that he bought his wife something with his winning shopping spree. I don't remember anyone ever doing that.

[LIGuy]

When will I be able to buy this most amazing and stunning calendar?   I hope it features recipes for risotto, scallops and beef wellington. 

[cooksdelight]

You can probably find them at the amazing and stunning Walmart.

[Uncle Benzene]

I'd actually throw down a few bucks for this calendar:

 

January: RAAAAW chicken!
February: Lobster risotto, sans lobster
March: Gray, med-well Wellies
April: Non-seared scallops
May: Trash bin full of wasted pasta (with someone reaching in to pull some back out)
June: Blindfolded contestant tasting peanut butter, guessing horseradish

July: Jean-Philippe sheepishly bringing a plate back to the pass

August: Gordo going full-on apeshit all up in some donkey's face (preferably Van's or Robert's)

September: Montage of various VIP celeb guests with bemused/nonplussed looks on their faces

October: (Halloween Special) Offal Smoothie! The Official Lunch of Hell's Kitchen

November: Pitifully mangled lamb chops of varying doneness and mass, meat drooping limply from bone

December: "Now fuck off out of here."

 

It'd be big fun to hang it on my foyer wall and eventually set fire to it.