Jill Zarin could not believe she was here. She could actually get back on the show. HER show. That bitch Bethenney had quit and it left a hole. A hole Jill knew she could fill. She just needed to pull Andy aside to convince him that she was going to be “real” this time. That she wouldn’t stoop to making up stories in order to get more screen time.
Meanwhile the Vanderpump disgustings were gearing up for a real show. Sandoval was in drag, naturally, and everyone just thought it was SO FUNNY. Andy was rolling his eyes internally but playing along because he loved the youth of it all. Even if these youths were in their late 30s. They felt young.
Not like the OC crowd who all felt plastic and desperate. Putting themselves out there on social media. Accidental nip slips. Publicly airing their dirty laundry even when they were no longer filming. Faking cancer for storylines. FAKING CANCER FOR FUCKING STORYLINES.
It was frankly all a bit sickening to Andy. He needed to get a hold of Anderson to confirm their vacation with DVF was set for next week.
Andy stepped outside to call his bff when he heard a crash. Meghan and Phaedra came running out of the venue. Captain Sandy was right behind them. Scheana was out next “THESE EYELASHES ARE MINK” she screamed to no one. Captain Lee looked at her confused... how do mink eyelashes even work he thought. Padma and Tom had already been outside sharing a joint and Kristen was with them smoking a cigarette so they wandered up to the crowd to make sure no one was hurt. Lisa and Stassi came around the corner together and saw Katie and Schwartz emerge from a coffee shop across the street. Ramonja (that’s the two headed monster Ramona and Sonja) missed practically the whole thing since they were pre-gaming at the Gramarcy and Melissa was stuck on the turnpike not knowing what was going on.
No one knew what was happening but somehow they had all made it out without any injuries. Thank goodness the civilians hadn’t showed up yet.
And with that, Night 1 begins. (Those who still owe twilight actions have a few more hours to get them to me but I’m going to bed soon so I wanted to get this posted)
Players still employed by Bravo:
The Crazed Spruce
Players looking to make their money on the Gram:
1. CuriousParker - James Lipton - A true Hero and the most dignified of all the personalities ever on Bravo. He was never a disgrace and therefore could not keep up with the disgustings who inhabited the once proud network.
2. SVNBob - Brooks Ayers - the most villainous of all Bravolebs or adjacent personalities he faked cancer. On television. And got busted. And has never stopped lying about it. Also he called himself “Girth Brooks” in the bedroom which you all now know and we all need brain bleach to recover from. A true disgusting.