Kandi's Wedding: Going to the Chapel and... Mama Joyce is Pissed.

[SpringTulips]

If your parents raise you right, you don't NEED to inherit everything... And you go out and make your own fortune.

If it's good enough for Bill Gates' kids and Warren Buffett's kids, it should be good enough for Kandi's daughter.

True there are some very wealthy people who leave their kids with nothing.  Anderson Cooper has said he is fine with his mother leaving him nothing.  But from this point the same logic can apply to spouses.  Todd can go and make his own fortune too.

[WimminWinning]

There are different ways to approach pre-nups.  You can have the kind where the wealthier spouse gives something to the non-moneyed spouse in case of a breakup, but the non-moneyed spouse waives some of the legal protections that would otherwise be available.  Or you can have the scorched-earth kind of pre-nup, where the non-moneyed spouse waives everything, as was done here.  But Kandi was acting as if prenup had only one definition:  the scorched-earth kind.

 

Kandi was cold!  She wanted to leave Todd with nothing, and she was mad that he was even trying to negotiate some side issues, such as having to get out in 30 days.  I feel bad for Todd.  He had been saying that he didn't want her money, so that resulted in her attorney drafting a prenup that truly gave him zilch.  Meanspirited. 

 

I think he didn't realize what was up until he saw it in black and white, but then it was too late to negotiate.  He was stuck with his previous statements.  On WWHL he looked like he was still feeling the sting, when he said that it felt like business.

 

I would agree if Todd was non-moneyed, but that's not the case. He's not non-moneyed, he's not a SAHD, and he hasn't given up a career for Kandi given that he gets 50% of what they do and he takes other jobs. He's not coined up like Kandi, but he is solidly middle-class without her. It's not as if she's sending him and his daughter to the soup line.

[gaPeach]

Count me on the I use to love Kandi but now........not so much.  I just cannot understand her letting her mother get away with saying anything that pops into her hateful little head but chiding anyone who addresses how hateful MJ's comments are.  MJ wanted that wedding to be all about her and how much she did not want them to get married.  She did not care that her daughter was crying from her insensitive comments, her insults to her future mother in law and step daughter (who seemed like a very nice and shy girl).  I wanted to punch MJ for making those comments knowing Todd's daughter could hear her.  Oh hell she made them on camera knowing it would be on TV for all the world to see what a fucking bitch she is.  Oh my.......that came out of no where.

 

I agree with poster above that Todd seemed deflated with each question for the prenup.  I hope he does actively take jobs that pay him and not hitch his wagon to Kandi.  I saw a side of her that was too much like her mother and that is not a good thing.

 

And he should stop paying any bills connected to HER house or anything that he will have no claim to if  he gets sick and she kicks him to the curb.  As she has plainly stated several times it is HER house and HER money.  So he needs to cut that shit out.

[Neurochick]

I remember Andy saying once she was a "fan favorite", which again indicates he is totally out of touch with his viewers.

 

 

Is Andy out of touch with the majority of viewers or just us folk here?

 

If your parents raise you right, you don't NEED to inherit everything... And you go out and make your own fortune.

If it's good enough for Bill Gates' kids and Warren Buffett's kids, it should be good enough for Kandi's daughter.

 

 

I have to disagree here.  I had a friend who was injured as a child and got a million dollar settlement.  She got married and had children.  Because of the nature of her injury, she was afraid that she might die young (which she did) so she drafted a will that left her children everything.  The reason was that she, "didn't want her husband to take her settlement money and spend it on another woman" so she wanted to make sure her children were taken care of.

 

MJ was just nasty; couldn't she at least smile for the wedding pictures?  I thought that was all kinds of wrong.  

[cooksdelight]

MJ's excuse for not smiling -- after the fact -- was that she "didn't know they would be made public." 

 

Suuuuuuure MJ. You just keep trying to sell that story.

[fgoldberg]

Todd , is on the cover of Black Enterprise mag.looking like a model.

[LotusFlower]

When I called in one time, they were taping at 9 pm on a Tuesday for a show that was to air on Thursday. Everything is taped, the calls, everything. I answered a request to give a question and my phone number via their Facebook page. They called me ahead of time to make sure I asked the question in the way they wanted it asked, then called me again when it was time to tape.

As to referencing a show that aired earlier, Andy gets to see all those shows in advance, so he knows what happened on any particular episode.

So no, the show isn't "live". I can't see Andy getting anyone to sit there at 11 pm and do a live show. They'd have NO idea what someone might say or do. Even the Tonight Show is taped ahead of time, earlier in the afternoon. Or it was when Leno hosted, as I went to a couple of them and they started at 4:30 in the afternoon, L.A. time.

Thanks for the scoop. One thing, though - when I mentioned that I think the show airs live at 11:00 PM EST because Andy sometimes references time-related things, I didn't mean Bravo shows that he, of course, can watch in advance. I meant current event-type things. For example: a score of a World Series game that just happened....things like that. I do think most of the shows are live, but your post and pre-taped shows like last night prove that some are not. And your info. about the phone calls arranged in advance makes total sense, because, like you said, they never give out the number and say "give us a call." Plus, I've always noticed they have equal calls for guests when they have more than one guest, even if one is way more popular. Anyway, thanks again.

[swankie]

That's his side of the story. Kandi hasn't spoken on this and his side doesn't entirely make sense. If he can't keep up with the utility and cable bills at Kandi's house without digging into his savings, how the hell did he support himself and his daughter as a single man before Kandi?

 

 

I may be wrong but didn't Todd have to give up his job with Bravo in order to be in a relationship and marry Kandi?  If so, that would explain why he was pursuing jobs out of state and having to use his savings once Kandi cajoled him into not taking those jobs. 

[ToukieSmith]

 

Then he tried saying that he didn't want any of Kandi's money and wouldn't hire a lawyer until after the prenup was drafted (which means that he is just as much to blame for the 48hr rush as Kandi is), but then had his lawyer come back with all of these modifications for financial support in the event of divorce/death that he specifically told Kandi that he didn't want. By communicating and agreeing on one thing to Kandi and having her put it in writing, then coming back on camera and acting as if he's getting a raw deal, he set Kandi up to be perceived as unfair and deceitful in this prenup situation (which is why Kandi's lawyer smartly required that Todd confirm every line of the prenup on camera so he can't come back later and say he was under duress with the time crunch and didn't know what he was signing).

 

The problem isn't whether or not Todd deserves some kinda money from Kandi's estate, the problem for me is how he went about it. It rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel like he's setting her up. He wouldn't hire a lawyer until the prenup was complete. I can't think of a single reason to do that besides to push back the negotiations to be close to the wedding date and pressure Kandi into adding things to the prenup or at least make a case for himself - on camera - that he was pressured. He tells Kandi all along that he wants nothing, but uses his lawyer to make money demands so he could use the line "my lawyer is the one who suggests..." instead of being straight up with Kandi from the beginning.

 

Kandi's actions in this prenup situation make sense - she had her lawyer write up what was verbally agreed upon between her and her fiance and she does everything last minute so it's no surprise that the prenup was last minute especially consider that Todd had her thinking that it was going to be a straight up "what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours" situation.

 

Additionally, Todd showed all of this passion concerning money and assets he did not earn, but he did not raise his voice when he found out Joyce called his father a pimp?  Seems to me that Joyce's continuous disrespect should have been the issue he negotiated with Kandi in the prenup.

 

"Joyce is not allowed in our marital home until she can show she can play well with others."  

Edited July 7, 2014 by ToukieSmith

[swankie]

I didn't like all the shade Derrick J and Miss Lawrence were throwing at Reco about the wedding dress.  Derrick said something like, "Do you like how he treated your expensive dress carrying it out in a towel?"  For one thing, Kandi didn't pay one red cent for that dress.  Reco made it for her as a wedding present.  For another, I'm sure he wasn't going to harm the dress after all of the work he put into it.  You could tell he was hell beaten trying to get that dress done for Kandi.  To me, her little miniscule "You did a good job" was not enough thanks for something he did for her Scott free!  Kandi is an inconsiderate bitch if you ask me and Todd should be ready for Joyce version 2.  She's slowly morphing into her evil gremlin of a mama day by day.

Edited July 7, 2014 by swankie

[EtheltoTillie]

No one is commenting much on the dress.  I thought the illusion fabric was kind of tacky when you looked at her from the rear. 

 

I liked her hair and makeup, though.

[Eater of Worlds]

Since Sheree was mentioned, can someone tell me how her name is pronounced?  I'm deaf and while I used to have hearing and I can figure out most pronunciations of words I've never heard, names are iffy since not everyone spells them the way they pronounce them.  I'm assuming that her name is She-ray, like the ending of Renee, but for all I know her name might be said Shih-ree.

[swankie]

I'm assuming that her name is She-ray, like the ending of Renee, but for all I know her name might be said Shih-ree.

 

 

It's pronounced "Sher-ray".  I hope that helps. :)

[Neurochick]

To me, her little miniscule "You did a good job" was not enough thanks for something he did for her Scott free!

 

 

So what should Kandi have said?  Should she have gotten on her knees and blown him?  To me a "thank you" or "you did a good job" goes a long way.

[charming]

I couldn't believe how rushed everything was. Still sewing the dresses after the ceremony was scheduled to start? WTF.

 

I loved Derek J's face when Reco wrapped that dress up in a bed sheet with feathers littering the floor.

 

The reception looked like so much fun.

[CaughtOnTape]

So what should Kandi have said?  Should she have gotten on her knees and blown him?  To me a "thank you" or "you did a good job" goes a long way.

There is quite a bit in between that spectrum.  

 

All I can say about that wedding and the dress is that it was the tackiest most ridiculous thing I have ever witnessed.  

 

The only good thing was Bell Biv Devoe showing up.  Love them.

[Showthyme]

Kandi should have one of her assistants write thank you notes rather than sending out a generic preprinted version.

 

On WWHL, Todd had his finger over his mouth during most of the questions. He is watching was he says very carefully.

 

I am one of the few who does not have a problem with the prenup. I would ask for something similar so that my assets go to my children. A grown man (or woman) with an adult child should not be expecting an inheritance. Thirty days to move out sounds tight but 60 days does not. Bethenny Frankel is nuts but she gave good advice about setting a deadline to have your ex move out.

[Eater of Worlds]

It's pronounced "Sher-ray".  I hope that helps. :)

 

Thanks, it's been driving me nuts for forever, not knowing.

[Wendy]

Mama Joyce is indeed a nasty woman, she should have stayed at home instead of having her sourpuss face almost ruining the wedding day.

What irritates me the most about MJ is the fact that due to her nasty behavior everything else pales in comparison, her nastiness took the cake and became the main story line of this spin off and the huge red flags around Todd got overshadowed. I dislike MJ intensely as she is a very selfish woman who is more concern with being right than with acting like a real mother, to make Todd's daughter uncomfortable was uncalled for and extremely stupid, if anybody is pushing Kandi into Todd's obvious traps is her and only her.

I am glad that kandi's rational head prevailed an she didn't allow Todd to back her into a corner with his childish antics of not showing at the rehearsal dinner, he sure tried though. They is obviously IMO an orchestrated attempt from Todd and his camp to nail to the cross the messages the 1) He is the poor emasculated guy who gave up profitable jobs to be with Kandi, said time and time again, 2) that he should be entitled to some of her money in the event that she dies (if I was Kandi I would make MJ taste any food or drink prepared by Todd , lol just a joke) . All this is nothing but a clever attempt to set up the basis for either contesting the prenup or guilting Kandi into changing it , did I hear Todd's mother mention the word post-nup? Uhmmmm

I hope Kandi has her will made with all her fortune willed to her daughter Riley, if she has any kids with Todd (which I am sure will happen) she can include them , she can even include Todd after maybe 10 years but the presumption that he should profit from this marriage doesn't bode well with me, he is an able body who is enjoying the perks if being with a wealthy woman, living in a house that he could never afford on his own, getting name recognition which in his trade is of the utmost importance , going to wonderful trips, he is already reaping off the benefits of this marriage since early on , if he is smart he should save the money that a monthly mortgage payment would cost him in a special savings account and if they ever divorce he has a nasty cushion to start over.

[swankie]

Until a mistress of Todd's pops up in the tabloids professing his cheating ways I'm not going to label him an opportunist just marrying Kandi for her money and notoriety.  That label is reserved for Andrea Kelly's (Hollywood Exes) new husband/ex-husband.  He nailed her in marriage in less than six months and managed to dodge a prenup altogether.  He even told Drea that he was concentrating on his career and didn't want any babies with her...EVER!  Now THAT'S an opportunist!  I think Todd really loves Kandi and is just a little disillusioned with her all business/no love approach to the prenup situation.  A prenup doesn't always have to be so cold and one sided.  Some people actually want to share a little of what they have with the person they love.  ("With all my worldly goods I thee endow.")  Kandi is no different than Kordell if you ask me, wanting control over all of the money in the relationship.  It appears to me that Todd loves her way more than she loves him.  She only wants, in her own words, "my own personal dick at home".  That's just how it looks to me. 

[ToukieSmith]

 

Kandi is no different than Kordell if you ask me, wanting control over all of the money in the relationship.  It appears to me that Todd loves her way more than she loves him.  She only wants, in her own words, "my own personal dick at home".  That's just how it looks to me.

I see the same thing with her and Phaedra.  The only difference is that Todd seems to be educated and highly skilled compared to Apollo and Porsha.

[renatae]

If Mama Joyce has a personality disorder, there should be no expectation for her to change.  Maybe she could go through therapy to show her how to deal better with others but that is it.  Mental and psychological illness takes its toll.  Kandi seems to ignore or lessen a lot of things as her way of coping.  Todd should never expect her to change.

I loved Bell Biv Devoe,  Todd  characterized it as a concert so I am sure they did more songs.  Still, it was part of the reception party and not like the wedding song.

.Contrast Kandi with Kim, the uber narcissist, who called the cops on her mom for using the bathroom in her home during her wedding.

 

That's exactly what I thought of (Kim's horrid treatment of her aunt and mom) when all this was going down. MJ was just horrid, as always, and she's the one who deserved to be booted. Wouldn't acknowledge Kandi in the least, picked a fight with her, acted as though she'd done nothing to Todd's daughter, and had the nerve to say "I know how to treat a child" when she acted the witch throughout Kandi's wedding. Todd gave her a ten for her "effort" at a toast, but even Kandi had to just shake her head and give her no props at all for it.

 

Regarding the ring, Kandi said they couldn't find a wedding band that could go on her finger with her original ring, which was what I wondered about as soon as I saw her original ring.

 

I saw somewhere that Joyce and Todd's mom got into a fight on the wedding day, but I must have missed it on the show. Can anyone enlighten me?

 

I'm one of the people who can't believe how patient Todd is and that he didn't decide to dump the whole thing when he learned that even if Kandi dies, she doesn't want him to have anything. Seriously?

 

Joyce was horrendous to Kaela and it was even more inexcusable than everything else she has done. Then acts as though she hasn't done anything. Witch.

Edited July 10, 2014 by renatae

[SpringTulips]

I am glad that kandi's rational head prevailed an she didn't allow Todd to back her into a corner with his childish antics of not showing at the rehearsal dinner, he sure tried though.

 

Yes, I gave a major eyeroll  about his line that "Kandi is a lady she is emotional now"  when he is the one not attending the rehearsal dinner and having a drink  filled outpouring with his friends.

Plus I do not believe all his claims that he never wanted to be on the show,  did it just for Kandi.  Please a 40 year old man does not agree to anything unless he  wants to

Edited July 8, 2014 by SpringTulips

[ridethemaverick]

That truck he drove off in was his wedding gift to Kandi. She has a pic of it on her IG and says that she had always wanted a truck and Todd bought it and was supposed to give it to her at the rehearsal dinner ad a surprise. She even says "we were sitting there arguing about a prenup and I had no idea the truck he bought me was sitting right outside."

Perhaps that's why Todd was so irritated.

[cooksdelight]

 

She even says "we were sitting there arguing about a prenup and I had no idea the truck he bought me was sitting right outside."

 

 

Oh, now I really feel for Todd. If she hadn't waited until the last damn minute to get paperwork done -- not to mention that wedding -- I think it all would have been a non-issue. But if someone's handing me papers the day of my wedding, and if I don't sign them, it's over... she's damn lucky he stuck around.

[vmcd88]

When Derek J pointed out that Kandi's dress was being carried around in a bedsheet I could not stop laughing.  He had a point.

Todd should never have signed that pre-nup.  It was written as if the only person who could cause the end of their marriage would be Todd.  What if Kandi decides she doesnt like being married?  Todd gets nothing and he has to move in 30 days.  WTF.  

[sunsheyen]

I get the bedsheet eye rolling, but what kind of bunching and struggling to get it into a garment case/humongous bag would it have taken, just to have it opened up to sew on it 5 minutes down the hall? Derek's face was funny though, the way his eyes tracked that move!

[politichick]

I see the same thing with her and Phaedra.  The only difference is that Todd seems to be educated and highly skilled compared to Apollo and Porsha.

Interestingly, I learned from a friend yesterday who knows Todd that he came to the attention of a BET exec while working as a skycap at LaGuardia Airport. He was given a production assistant's job and worked his way up and now has major skills. Good for him. I was thinking he'd been to college, but luckily he's way, way, way, way smarter than poor dim Porsha and stupid, criminal mind Apollo.

[The Mighty Peanut]

Joyce is cruel. She may have moments of being a good mom but she values money over seemingly everything and I can't forgive how she acted around Kaela. Even if she genuinely had no idea Kaela could hear it was still being recorded to potentially air on national TV. And then to go on and say she couldn't care less about Kaela -- come on, they might never be close but Kaela will still be her step-granddaughter. 

 

It makes me fucking sick that she'd be that hateful to a kid just because he came from Todd's DNA. Is she going to treat Todd and Kandi's kid like shit too, or only half of the time since he or she will be half Kandi? She's oblivious in such a weird, malevolent way that I suppose I'm lucky never to have encountered in my own life. Like it never occurred to her to be sorry for saying "Well, but you have one REALLY good daughter" after it was pointed out that Kandi has two girls now because feelings were hurt, only that it was Kandi's fault for "checking" her.

 

This still apparently is her belief. On WWHL Kandi said the only thing she has regrets about the is the not smiling in the wedding pictures because SHE looks bad. Obviously this is COMPLETELY HER FAULT but even then she's not sorry because she made a point of being a sourpuss on what was supposed to be the happiest day of her daughter's life; she's sorry because she looks "crazy" in public pictures! That she somehow didn't know would go public despite being part of a huge TV show. She and RHONY George can have each other. He's a POS sex addicted jerk who'd probably date a 16 year old if he wouldn't go to jail, but he's got money, so that should work out fine.

Edited July 8, 2014 by The Mighty Peanut

[The Mighty Peanut]

ETA Peanut, we cross posted, so yeah, what you said also about the wedding pictures and Joyce's reaction to them.

Ha! You should have kept it, no amount of repetition is enough when it comes to MJ since it seems while she doesn't respect her daughter's opinion, she sure cares about the court of public opinion. :)

Edited July 9, 2014 by The Mighty Peanut

[gretchenfetchen]

What did Kandi say in her talking head - I've got my own personal dick at home. To me that sums her up pretty good. She bought herself some dick.After watching the wedding special I am convinced that Todd is with her for her money and that lifestyle that comes with it. Mama Joyce is horrible but I think she is dead right about Todd.

[Dejana]

As much as I love Kandi, I have to admit that Kandi's wedding series only did better than Nene's because of MJ. The blogs are exploding over MJ and people tuned in for 6 weeks or so just to hate-watch her. Hate-watch equals ratings. Kandi is a smart businesswoman, so she knew that, which is why she cast her mama and wrote MJ's "crazy" storyline. Kandi's plan worked. She even outdid Kim's wedding series. All thanks to MJ.

 

Bravo decided to stick the Real Housewives of Atlanta tag on this spin-off because it means everyone who has their DVRs set for the regular show would automatically record the Kandi's Wedding episodes as well. When Lifetime did this earlier in the year with Under The Gunn, deciding to call it Project Runway: Under The Gunn mid-season, its ratings increased 36 percent. I'm sure the antics of Mama Joyce helped, too.

Edited July 10, 2014 by Dejana

[fgoldberg]

What did Kandi say in her talking head - I've got my own personal dick at home. To me that sums her up pretty good. She bought herself some dick.After watching the wedding special I am convinced that Todd is with her for her money and that lifestyle that comes with it. Mama Joyce is horrible but I think she is dead right about Todd.

What Kandi said is a  figure of speech.I have heard over, and over by females. NO big issue.

I love how Todd is able to be dorky and tease Kandi about Joyce. His delight that his Mama took on her Mama was fun to watch. And you could tell underneath Kandi's irritation, she also wanted to laugh. I think he will be the one who is able to get Joyce to HAVE to change. I also liked that Kandi said that Joyce was pissed at herself because of the way she looks in the wedding pictures. I think Joyce did get played by Todd but not in the way she thought she was being played. He is a nice guy and he just nice'd her and let her make herself look ridiculous. 

 

Eh, I like the premise of the Coming to America wedding and relating it to how they met but, it was just meh. I hated the lions being there. I don't think the lions cared but it didn't pack the punch that I think Kandi wanted. I liked the dancers but wish they had worn better costumes and maybe have been showcased better. I did think Kandi looked badass when the fans were moved from in front of her. I loved the couches and the set up at the reception. I love how Kandi can't dance and that she looks incredible without makeup. I am not a syrupy person but the syrup was flowing when they called up "their girls" during the ceremony. I can't remember exactly how Todd described Kandi to his groomsmen during wedding day relaxing with drinks scene but I love how he thinks Kandi is the most "all that and more" lady he knows, in her business life. 

 

Prenup: I do think that Kandi hit the jackpot with Todd. I got what he was trying to convey, that he did not want her money but he wanted his money protected. It comes down to ratios. I think he was fine with the business part, and expected the business part. It was the emotional part, the death and moving out parts, that he was hurt by, the way I saw it. And I hope that Kandi does not ever, ever, never never never again get any advice from that troll Bethenny. 

 

Kandi, Andy is right girl. You got three hundred gifts, that IS the point. Also, was he or wasn't he invited to the wedding? Was it a big deal that he was or wasn't? I would have thought he was invited just because he does the reunions and is a kind of a work connection. 

 

I noticed at the end of the wedding show, and probably it was there the whole series, but it was produced by Kandi Koated. How does this stuff work? It is a little interesting to me, the ones who are able to break from that contract at Bravo and make it work in their favor. Like Kandi Koated and Lisa Vanderpump. To me, I think that Kandi, Lisa and Ramona are the three gogetters of all the franchises. Do not even attempt to bring that Troll Bethenny into the equation, spit, phooey, ack, snarf, arrrghh, I hate that woman. But back on point, what is the deal with the producing stuff that these ladies do on their own? (I don't think Ramona does producing, I just included her in the general business savvy part, my admiration for them.

 

Seriously, Peter and Cynthia just shut UP! 

 

ETA Peanut, we cross posted, so yeah, what you said also about the wedding pictures and Joyce's reaction to them.

Andy was invited to her wedding....he told her he was out of town.If he had been there he could not be on camera, because of bravo policy.Nene, produced her wedding special( Nene Leaks entertainment).

[Midnight Cheese]

I knew I shouldn't have watched the wedding.  Kandi isn't capable of being a generous, self-confident adult in a true relationship and is amazingly selfish. 

 

But I truly can't handle Joyce and how she was with Kaela.  It is the worst thing I've ever seen, ever, on a Housewives show.  Joyce knew when she was speaking that Kaela, a shy, sweet and sensitive-seeming girl, could hear her.  Joyce then went for broke on Kaela during her last attempt to shame and manipulate Kandi, when Riley finally had to intervene.  Joyce really deserved to have her Ziggy wig torn off and repeated punches to the face.  She really deserves a daily, serious, call an ambulance-level ass-kicking.  She is worthless.  I hope Riley pulls away from her completely as she gets a little older. 

Edited July 11, 2014 by Midnight Cheese

[cooksdelight]

I'm afraid Riley will be trapped by her mother telling her that she must be nice to crazy granny, and respect her no matter what. Unless Riley runs away from home and has nothing to do with any of them. Poor thing.

[FozzyBear]

I can't figure out why Kandi wants to get married. She's in her late 30s which is pretty well past white picket fence, Prince Charming, my big fat whatever wedding stage of life (full disclosure I'm the same age). I don't get the feeling she wants another baby and she really does not seem to want to share anything with Todd. They're both grown-ups, why not just be together and keep all the legal stuff of marriage out of it? Does she just want a wedding? Because they could throw a big old party for each other without getting married. Sometimes Kandi seems a lot younger than 37 and not in a good way.

[drivethroo]

 

I can't figure out why Kandi wants to get married. She's in her late 30s which is pretty well past white picket fence, Prince Charming, my big fat whatever wedding stage of life (full disclosure I'm the same age). I don't get the feeling she wants another baby and she really does not seem to want to share anything with Todd. They're both grown-ups, why not just be together and keep all the legal stuff of marriage out of it? Does she just want a wedding? Because they could throw a big old party for each other without getting married. Sometimes Kandi seems a lot younger than 37 and not in a good way.

 

When you're a woman in your 30s, you have this pressure to get married.  The reality is when you hit 40 and you've never been married, you probably aren't going to get married.  We all know stories of people who got married for the first time after 40 and that's all good but the reality is if you're a woman pushing 40 and you've never been married, you probably aren't getting married...especially if you're a black woman.

 

So Kandi likely saw this as her one chance to get married.  Men on her financial level were not trying to marry her.  Otherwise they would've, but I think Kandi had a less than stellar reputation down there.  So Todd was pretty much as good as Kandi was going to get and everyone knows it.

 

After seeing this show, I actually agree with Mama Joyce, that Kandi should've sought/married a man on her financial level.  That way, the concern that some dude is on the come up would not be there.  You don't see Beyonce marrying Dan from Accounting and you didn't see Oprah rushing Steadman to the aisle either.

 

I don't see much hope for this marriage b/c I think Kandi's going to make sure Todd knows she's the Boss Bitch and I don't see Todd being down for that for too long.  Prime example: Phaedra & Apollo.  Todd's a whole lot more intelligent than Apollo so I hope Todd does use Kandi and her connections for a come-up.  At least get Kaela's college paid for before he bounces.

[Gracie]

I'm afraid Riley will be trapped by her mother telling her that she must be nice to crazy granny, and respect her no matter what. Unless Riley runs away from home and has nothing to do with any of them. Poor thing.

What worries me is, being raised with that attitude, Riley will have not only Crazy Granny, but Crazy Momma to bow down to.

[cooksdelight]

Riley seems to be following in her mother's footsteps:

I was so proud of my baby @rileyburruss last night when she sang at the #AGIshowcase! She was scared & didn't want to do it but she did & she sounded great! They wouldn't let us tape. So I can't post yet. I have to wait until the DVDs are available. #MYBabyCanSing #TheWholeFamilyCame #ProudMom

[ZaldamoWilder]

I knew I shouldn't have watched the wedding.  Kandi isn't capable of being a generous, self-confident adult in a true relationship and is amazingly selfish. 

 

But I truly can't handle Joyce and how she was with Kaela.  It is the worst thing I've ever seen, ever, on a Housewives show.  Joyce knew when she was speaking that Kaela, a shy, sweet and sensitive-seeming girl, could hear her.  Joyce then went for broke on Kaela during her last attempt to shame and manipulate Kandi, when Riley finally had to intervene.  Joyce really deserved to have her Ziggy wig torn off and repeated punches to the face.  She really deserves a daily, serious, call an ambulance-level ass-kicking.  She is worthless.  I hope Riley pulls away from her completely as she gets a little older. 

 

This post is so delicious I want to taste it.

[Neurochick]

 

I knew I shouldn't have watched the wedding.  Kandi isn't capable of being a generous, self-confident adult in a true relationship and is amazingly selfish.

 

For me, a "true relationship" is whatever the two people say it is.  I don't think there's one definition of what healthy is. 

 

Kandi needs to step up to her mother though; just because a person puts up a boundary with someone, doesn't mean they don't love them; Kandi will be forever run over by her mother unless she puts her foot down.

[AuntieDiane6]

 

When you're a woman in your 30s, you have this pressure to get married.  The reality is when you hit 40 and you've never been married, you probably aren't going to get married.  We all know stories of people who got married for the first time after 40 and that's all good but the reality is if you're a woman pushing 40 and you've never been married, you probably aren't getting married...especially if you're a black woman.

 

But the successful, "well-known" black women who DO get married at late 30s-40ish don't seem to be having much luck post-altar.  See:  Shepherd, Sherri;  Jones, Star; Parks, Phaedra; McMillan, Terri ….  

 

Maybe they're better off just having permanent "fiancés" like Jennifer Hudson, Oprah and Jennifer Aniston.

[cooksdelight]

Or boyfriends like Kenya's who wants no part of appearing on reality TV.

[sunsheyen]

But the successful, "well-known" black women who DO get married at late 30s-40ish don't seem to be having much luck post-altar.  See:  Shepherd, Sherri;  Jones, Star; Parks, Phaedra; McMillan, Terri ….  

 

Maybe they're better off just having permanent "fiancés" like Jennifer Hudson, Oprah and Jennifer Aniston.

Two gay men and an ex con. I have no idea about Sherri's ex, but I can't help but look at some kind of desperation in these women. Girl, you don't have to be married!

[ridethemaverick]

But the successful, "well-known" black women who DO get married at late 30s-40ish don't seem to be having much luck post-altar. See: Shepherd, Sherri; Jones, Star; Parks, Phaedra; McMillan, Terri ….

Maybe they're better off just having permanent "fiancés" like Jennifer Hudson, Oprah and Jennifer Aniston.

And then there are the ones who are doing just fine like Angela Bassett, Janet Jackson, Lela Rochon, Melody Hobson, Kerry Washington, and Viola Davis. There are others, but that's off the top of my head. "Late" marriage isn't the problem. Being a black woman isn't the problem. Picking the wrong men is the problem.

[drivethroo]

Part of picking the wrong men is the societal and familial pressure to be partnered up by a certain age so you won't be looked at as something being wrong with you.  Millions of dollars have been made preying on women with books about being single & alone past 35, 40 years old.  Didn't Kandi say (before she met Todd) that she was getting on in age and wanted to be married & have another kid by 40? I often wonder, did Kandi, Phaedra & Cynthia marry their partners in part b/c they felt they were getting on in years and this might be their last shot?

 

I like Kandi & Todd together but if money is a super heavy concern of Kandi then she never should've married a man that makes significantly less than her.

[ribboninthesky1]

I can definitely see the pressure for a woman to marry by a certain age, particularly in the South, where it's very common to be partnered up or married just after high school or college (I know it quite well, as a native Georgian and a single black woman in her 30s).  I agree with ridethemaverick that it's definitely a "picking the wrong man" problem, though I think other races of women, in general, have an easier time finding a partner of the same race who wants to marry.  So if a black woman's preference is to marry a black man, not just a good compatible man, then I get how that drives poor choices.  Add Kandi's dysfunctional dynamic with that, and it's a recipe for disaster.          

Edited July 16, 2014 by ribboninthesky1

[qtpye]

I can definitely see the pressure for a woman to marry by a certain age, particularly in the South, where it's very common to be partnered up or married just after high school or college (I know it quite well, as a native Georgian and a single black woman in her 30s).

 

 

As another woman in her thirties that grew up in Georgia, I remember the ladies in one of my later college classes comparing engagement rings. Every single one of them was engaged besides me.  I absolutely had no desire to be married, at what I thought was a rather young age and was considered the exception, not the rule (we are talking all of 21, barely legal drinking age).  By the way, I graduated in the early 2000's not the 1950's.

 

I actually married in my late twenties to a wonderful man.  If I had not found him, I would have easily accepted a life of happy single hood, as opposed to marrying a jerk.  Societal pressures can be stressful, but the at the end of the day, it is you who is going to have to live with your decisions.  Marriage is great, but not easy, even under the best of circumstances.

[Aging Goth]

Trouble is, in the south, most women are taught from an early age that Marriage is mandatory for a happy life.  Most feel themselves failures if they reach 40 in spensterhood.  Hense they end up marrying the first person to offer.

[FozzyBear]

As another woman in her thirties that grew up in Georgia, I remember the ladies in one of my later college classes comparing engagement rings. Every single one of them was engaged besides me. I absolutely had no desire to be married, at what I thought was a rather young age and was considered the exception, not the rule (we are talking all of 21, barely legal drinking age). By the way, I graduated in the early 2000's not the 1950's.

I actually married in my late twenties to a wonderful man. If I had not found him, I would have easily accepted a life of happy single hood, as opposed to marrying a jerk. Societal pressures can be stressful, but the at the end of the day, it is you who is going to have to live with your decisions. Marriage is great, but not easy, even under the best of circumstances.

Jeeze! I grew up in CA (also in my 30s) and other than people who got knocked up I don't think I knew a single person who got married before 25. 28-32 was probably when the majority of my friends got married. I'm Kandi's age and I feel like most pressure, mellow as it was, to get married completely dropped off around 35. I guess it really is different here. That does explain Kandi. I was having a hard time understanding why a financially independent mother of her age would feel any pressure to get married. I guess it really is different down south.