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Kandi's Wedding: Going to the Chapel and... Mama Joyce is Pissed.


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Kandi?  What do you think MJ is going to do if you disassociate yourself completely?  Walk away?  yeah, right.  Not if she takes away the money honey.  I can almost guarantee... your momma will be calling you first.  And don't take her back until she APOLOGIZES.   Every time she disrespects you, your husband, your friends or your child?  Walk away and take the money and your presence completely away again.  Keep doing it until it takes.

 

 

I don't know why this doesn't make sense to her.  I can see how someone would play up the drama for money.  Kandi is already wealthy, why would she ruin her reputation by acting like this?  Todd was making good money when he met Kandi.  Ok, not beyond rich like Kandi but he made some nice coin.  There is no amount of money that would make me stay in something like that.

 

My mom was the coolest mom ever and even super nice to any of the in-laws.  She always said our marriages were not her business and if you did still complain about your spouse she was sure to take the spouse's side.

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What I want to know is where's the chicken?  As the coven was walking into the house one of them dropped a box of chicken....yet I saw no chicken in the kitchen.  Sigh.  Even tacky ass Kim drinks her Chik Fil a Lemonade out of glass cups!  Kandi and her clan never cease to amaze me.  NEVER.  

 

And IMO Tan looks like Falcor from Never Ending Story.  

 

My love for Kawme continues...he looks so familar...was he on another reality show?  I enjoyed him when we saw him on Real Housewives and continue to enjoy him on this show. 

Edited by Shoppergal
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The bar the girls met at....what were those black ropes at the bar for? Do the seats swing? That could get hilarious if someone had a few too many.

What I want to know is where's the chicken? As the coven was walking into the house one of them dropped a box of chicken....yet I saw no chicken in the kitchen. Sigh.

Since Kandi had already fixed spaghetti, and salad, I think Joyce and The Coven got all the chicken. I also remember seeing some on Kandi's plate.

That little Troll aunt is just mean looking. WTF is up with Joyce wanting to spend the night, when she lives nearby?

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No one gets called a prostitute on camera repeatedly and takes it that well. Nor does any son worth his salt allow those comments to go basically unchallenged. Todd was madder at Carmen than MJ.

 

 

At this point Sharon hasn't heard the comment that Joyce made calling her a prostitute.  Kandi chose not to tell them this tiny bit of information.  All they knew was that Joyce called Todd's deceased dad a pimp and it seems that Sharon thought Joyce made that assumption because Todd's dad looked like Superfly.  In actuality, they didn't know Joyce called Sharon a prostitute until they watched the show.  I saw an interview Kandi did where she said that she is in hot water now with Todd and Sharon for not letting them know before the show aired what Joyce had said about her.

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squash, please keep in mind I'm starting by giving you cyberhugs as I say the following:    I also belong to the my mom is challenging club, only I'm not nearly the diplomat you are.  My mom is a straight up asshole, very much, and by very much, I mean identical to Joyce with the exception that she's quicker on her feet, so the shoe has actually made contact.   Last weekend was the first time I'd said a word to her in 7 years.  And you know what?  Linda articulated precisely what I was gonna say about that.  It hasn't changed her one whit, it's changed how she relates to me.   On a larger scale though, this is just my opinion, I also believe that everyone who ever met my mother, my dad included, and accommodated rather than refused to accept the behavior?  Is an even bigger asshole.  It's awful and tragic if someone you love has gone through something powerful enough to transform them for life, but the honest to God truth is, they don't get to do the same thing to everyone they encounter because of it.   

 

 

 

It's hard to understand Kandi's coping mechanism because she looks normal on the surface but it's a result of years of psychological and emotional manipulation.   Somebody who grew up without that level of applied control would be able to see this the way we do.  Kandi's role is to enable and everyone else in her life needs to enable her to enable for it to work.  She might lose him, but that will be his decision because what Todd keeps doing (and I say this fully understanding how fucked up it sounds) is engaging when he doesn't need to.   You don't keep responding to illogical mess with logic.  And since the worst damn thing you can think to do to a narcissist is ignore em, if everyone right now, within the sound of my voice lol, simply stopped giving Joyce air, the bitch would die.

 

 

Girl, you betta pass that plate up in here.   The thing is, whenever you start this, it really does take a long ass time (for the other person) to become accustomed to.  Kandi fully recognizes that her mom is fucked up, that's only part I, she isn't willing to "risk their relationship" (in Kandi's mind) in order to fix it, that's part II.  

 

Oh, p.s. Aunt Baby Dinosaur?  Your nails are from 1984, they're hideous and disgusting and too fucking long for a woman older than 17.

*high five*.  I think we're sisters cause we've got the same mom.  (you described her brilliantly!)

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It's hard to understand Kandi's coping mechanism because she looks normal on the surface but it's a result of years of psychological and emotional manipulation.   Somebody who grew up without that level of applied control would be able to see this the way we do.  Kandi's role is to enable and everyone else in her life needs to enable her to enable for it to work.  She might lose him, but that will be his decision because what Todd keeps doing (and I say this fully understanding how fucked up it sounds) is engaging when he doesn't need to.   You don't keep responding to illogical mess with logic.  And since the worst damn thing you can think to do to a narcissist is ignore em, if everyone right now, within the sound of my voice lol, simply stopped giving Joyce air, the bitch would die.

I was thinking about that, before. Kandi's almost 40, so confronting Joyce about her meanness isn't going to happen overnight. She's about 20 years late for setting boundaries; adding to the difficulty is the fact that she was raised to think that disagreeing with Joyce is a sign of disrespect. I'm sure times spent around the cauldron with her aunts didn't help matters.

 

However, you're right about ignoring Joyce. If she stops by, Todd should greet her (from a distance) and then go somewhere else. Put "baby" in the corner.

 

Of all the vile shit Joyce has said/done, I still think that going in on Kandi's ring was the lowest. Standing there stone-faced when Kandi cried.  Joyce knew good and damn well Kandi wouldn't say anything to her.  "I know you want to to choke me right now." That's the worst. Knowing that you're being hurtful and not caring.

 

I want to know what in the hell Kandi used that cheese for. When Todd was grating it, and Kandi was chopping peppers, I thought she was putting something together. But when she told Carmon that she was making spaghetti, I was like, wait, what? I hope she didn't dump those peppers in cheese on top of the pasta.

 

Ya'll know those solo cups had "ghetto pernch" in it.

Edited by Sheenieb
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(edited)

Wow. So many judgments about the food people eat and what they drink out of.

I agree w you Talented. It is fairly shady. That being said, if you are over the age of 22 and invite me to your home for dinner INSIDE and serve me a beverage out of a damn solo cup I'm going to trash you as soon an the door closes behind me.

Cookout? Cool. But at the dining table please serve my Kool aid in a glass to go w my Popeyes.

Kandi is a millionaire. Ain't no cause for that.

Edited by Brooklynista
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I make fun of it because that's what I do here. :) Kandi isn't known for being a good cook, is she? Maybe that's why MJ and the Coven brought chicken. I get highly offended at someone bringing food to my house when I invite them over for dinner, unless we've all agreed to a potluck gathering. If I invite you for dinner, bring wine or something, but leave the casseroles and fried chicken at home.

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I wasn't shading the food, either. Shit, I like spaghetti and fried chicken! I just wanted to know where the cheese and peppers ended up. I didn't even notice the solo cups until I came to the board. It's her family, so there's no need to be super formal.

Edited by Sheenieb
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I caught an old reunion the other day, where Kandi talked about her breakup with AJ. Kandi said that after one particularly big blowup between AJ and Joyce, he told Kandi that it was too much and that he couldn't do it anymore. Now, I'm not saying that AJ was a catch, but Kandi has already lost one relationship because of her inability to establish boundaries between her mom and her significant other. She really should think about that at some point.

I don't like MJ but she was right on the money about AJ.  Kandi would have been up shit's creek if she married that loser.  I think he had like 8 children with 6 different women or something like that. 

 

She's about 20 years late for setting boundaries; adding to the difficulty is the fact that she was raised to think that disagreeing with Joyce is a sign of disrespect. I'm sure times spent around the cauldron with her aunts didn't help matters.

 

This is really true.  There are some people who equate boundaries with disrespect, especially when it comes to family.  A lot of folks believe that family is forever, meaning your husband might not always be your husband, but your family will always be your family no matter what.  I guess one of the reasons a lot of people feel that way is because so many marriages end in divorce.  It's sad because boundaries are important in relationships; they ensure that you won't be run over and resentful at others. 

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The one thing I will say about Todd is that he needs to cool it with the questioning Kandi about her food choices.  There's a way to do that where you don't sound like a dick and he hasn't found it yet.  It's clear that MJ's criticism of the fact that she's gained 30 lbs is his fault and he's over compensating for it.  Kandi is thick, not fat and the last thing she needs is her husband questioning her food choices like she's a 15 year old.  He could gently suggest they try something else rather than a condescending "Are we supposed to be eating cheese?" that he pulled in this episode.  He did it one other time too.  If he has an issue with her weight and is concerned then sit down with her in private and communicate that concern.....otherwise, knock it off, asshole.

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Those red pants didn't do Kandi any favors in my opinion ... just noticing one of her many fashion faux pas. Other times, she looks really good and put together. 

 

Did Rico say he ordered a hundred yards of feathers? All I could visualize was Kandi running down a football field, losing feathers as she goes.

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Joyce doesn't worry about anyone but Joyce. She's proven that time and time again, especially in this episode. She doesn't want Kandi marrying someone who might actually care about her daughter, and help her to see the light where MJ is concerned.

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I don't like MJ but she was right on the money about AJ.  Kandi would have been up shit's creek if she married that loser.  I think he had like 8 children with 6 different women or something like that. 

 

This is really true.  There are some people who equate boundaries with disrespect, especially when it comes to family.  A lot of folks believe that family is forever, meaning your husband might not always be your husband, but your family will always be your family no matter what.  I guess one of the reasons a lot of people feel that way is because so many marriages end in divorce.  It's sad because boundaries are important in relationships; they ensure that you won't be run over and resentful at others. 

 

Dammit man, they're doing it wrong.  Wordup all day long to sun? 'nista?  somebody upthread said the some of the shadiest mofos I know are related to me.   Family ain't going nowhere because, they'll always be your family.   For Kandi to think like this makes me so sad for her and Todd.  I mean if you marry a dude thinking it isn't forever that's kind of a shitty testament to your faith in each other.

 

Is/was Joyce right about AJ, or is not liking someone her default setting? I don't think she was especially astute in helping Kandi dodge a bullet. 

 

I vote combo plate.  She's a natural pessimist but the fact that he was not good husband material coincided to make her look like yoda.  Hee hee! I know, I just saw/heard it.

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Is/was Joyce right about AJ, or is not liking someone her default setting? I don't think she was especially astute in helping Kandi dodge a bullet.

 

I think that it's her default, because Kandi also mentioned that Joyce tends to have these problems with the guys that she dates. I'm not saying that Kandi should have stayed with AJ, but my point is that Kandi actually had no agency over what happened in that relationship. AJ dumped her because he was sick of Joyce's meddling. It should have been Kandi's decision. But since Joyce's methods have proven effective, why wouldn't she use them again with Todd?

And I don't think that Joyce was "right" about AJ, because I think that her concerns were coming from the same place that they are with Todd: a desire to remain the central figure in her daughter's life. But you know what they say: even a broken clock is right twice a day. Joyce's default is "he's not the right one for you..." and then she uses specific details as evidence.

Edited by Portae
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All they knew was that Joyce called Todd's deceased dad a pimp and it seems that Sharon thought Joyce made that assumption because Todd's dad looked like Superfly

 

 

That was a lol moment for me because when I saw the picture the first episode I was thinking to myself....Todd's dad looked like Superfly.

 

I think some of this is amped up for the cameras but I don't think the MJ hate is.  I just cannot see how this is a storyline they would pick to bring in ratings.  I would much rather see Sharon and Joyce out and about sipping on brandy and talking about how they are going to spend their last 20 years.

Edited by SpringTulips
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I agree w you Talented. It is fairly shady. That being said, if you are over the age of 22 and invite me to your home for dinner INSIDE and serve me a beverage out of a damn solo cup I'm going to trash you as soon an the door closes behind me.

Cookout? Cool. But at the dining table please serve my Kool aid in a glass to go w my Popeyes.

Kandi is a millionaire. Ain't no cause for that.

I like to drink my kool aid and soda in a wine glass, it makes me feel classy haha. 

 

I am curious is Mama Joyce's asshole behavior is extends to Riley?  

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I am curious is Mama Joyce's asshole behavior is extends to Riley?

 

 

Maybe. Riley was telling her mom for them to "all be nice and have a nice dinner" with that look on her face that told me she's had plenty of meals like that with MJ around.

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And spaghetti with a whole bar of grated cheddar cheese on top!  Of course I'm italian so I take great offense to that.

 

 

I wasn't shading the food, either. Shit, I like spaghetti and fried chicken! I just wanted to know where the cheese and peppers ended up.

 

 

I agree that Kandi was probably making baked spaghetti.  I always put green peppers in my spaghetti sauce when I make it and I also use mushrooms.  The cheese melt I use on top is mozzarella though.  It comes out looking almost like lasagna.

 

What I want to know is where's the chicken? As the coven was walking into the house one of them dropped a box of chicken....yet I saw no chicken in the kitchen. Sigh.

 

 

The chicken was served because they showed Joyce pulling a piece apart like a vulture eating roadkill.  It was scary because the whole time she was mean mugging Todd and Sharon as she chewed.  I'm convinced Joyce is the one who was killing all those children in Atlanta in the late 70's.

Edited by swankie
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You got that right Swankie. When Todd told that joke about Kandi being pregnant and Joyce still sat there with her stank face, I decided then that Kandi should never leave any child of Todd's alone with Joyce.

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Wow. So many judgments about the food people eat and what they drink out of.

I agree. I think this just confirms we are seeing the real Kandi.  I don't like washing dishes after a meal, but if I am cooking for friends as in "you have been invited to dinner at my house", I will put out my best dishes,flatware etc. 

But if its family, nothing formal, just supper and If I have plastic I will pull it out.  You eat, throw everything in the trash, take home the leftovers, and call it a night.

This proves to me Kandi and her family are not acting, this is not scripted, this is how they are.

 

That was a lol moment for me because when I saw the picture the first episode I was thinking to myself....Todd's dad looked like Superfly.

 

 

In the 70's, every blackman (well most,) looked like superfly. Joyce said, she  knows someone who lived in New York at that time, and knew Todd's father and mother. (this really is a small world) and of course we know a lie has never oozed from her mouth.

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I haven't been watching Kandi's Wedding faithfully - just channel clicking.  Anyhoo, I just realized tonight that the girl that I thought was "Pam" is named Tan?

 

Tan is probably short for Tanisha or something like that.

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Kandi loves her food, and makes no secret of that. It was even referenced in one of the regular RHOA scenes (I don't remember who said it) when one of the ladies was surprised that she had a little fruit and cheese plate put out, saying (paraphrased) "What? I just knew we were going to eat, Kandi always has good food." I do like that she keeps it down home and real, however that doesn't mean I wouldn't pick with her about her solo cups if i was one of her friends over for dinner. I don't need fancy china, but come on chick, give me some Libbey glasses or something. We grownups now! Then I would pour me some Pepsi in my red cup and sit on down. The rest of the night would be spent peering down into cups with half melted ice, trying to figure out which one was mine. 

 

As far as the chicken goes, I was just wondering how many damn people they were feeding. Looked like they were carrying in at least 3 boxes. Fried chicken and spaghetti is a common duo I saw when living further south, although to me it is like eating two entrees. I'm fat enough, thank you very much. 

 

I don't recall the other incident with Todd talking about food, but I took this one as a pre wedding diet reminder. It didn't seem particularly denigrating and I think Kandi would have no problem saying something back if she felt he was being nasty about it. He probably has to hear her complain about losing some weight before the wedding, so reminded her. Not to mention it seemed like there were at least 3 blocks of Cracker Barrel (YUM!) waiting to be grated, not a simply a tablespoon of Parmesan or something that she was adding to her plate.

 

Why have I just typed an entire food post? 

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As far as the chicken goes, I was just wondering how many damn people they were feeding. Looked like they were carrying in at least 3 boxes.

 

 

And what was the purpose of saying, "Don't drop the chicken.", AFTER Joyce had already dropped the chicken?  I lmao at that every time I see it.

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To be fair there is no way I'd give Joyce anything other than plastic.

 

Call my a lousy hostess but I am not giving that woman a weapon!

 

You know Bo, MJ did try to pick up her red plastic solo cup and was gonna chuck it at Todd's mom!    Red solo cups bring back bad alcoholic memories for me.  So, I just cringed, especially when Todd's mom said "put some burbon in it."  But that's MY hang up.  

 

I saw the fried the chicken there!  When MJ bit into it, I heard a crunch, and now I'm thinking, I want fried chicken.   Were they already drunk when they showed up?  That family sure does like to drink.  And Kandi doesn't drink.  

Edited by Lablover27
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When MJ bit into it, I heard a crunch, and now I'm thinking, I want fried chicken.

 

 

LOL!  Tell me I didn't run out to KFC for some chicken and make a pitstop at Frazoli's for some baked spaghetti!  And I wasn't even hungry until I watched this episode. :-)

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I've never been opposed to the swirl during my single days, just never found the right chocolate. However, if I weren't married, I'd be scratching Kandi's eyes out right now trying to get myself some Todd. That is one cute and decent dude.

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Kandi just needs to tell Joyce in her cracking about to cry frog voice."Mama until you start treating me and my husband with respect the monthly check I send you will not be arriving".  MJ's behavior is disgusting and watching Kandi just take it is sad. Kandi needs to get a backbone and shut that nonsense down. Kandi is always speaking about respecting her mother but MJ has zero respect for Kandi. Like last week when she pointed at Kandi and told Todd "You talk to this.." No respect for her daughter at all and only cares about Kandi's money.

 

I liked Todd's mother. It was nice how she and the one aunt got along. The little swollen one is just as miserable as Mama Joyce. I would tell Mama Joyce to kiss my ass and keep it moving mother or not. I also wouldn't have wanted her at my wedding scowling in all the pictures. SMH

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Kandi just needs to tell Joyce in her cracking about to cry frog voice."Mama until you start treating me and my husband with respect the monthly check I send you will not be arriving".

That's all it would take and Kandi should have done it by now.  Mama would have turned around in a heartbeat.   Heck, she'd be treating Todd like a King.

 

I get that Kandi "respects" her mother, but Kandi is an adult and that respect should be a two way street.

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Kandi confuses respect with kow-towing, or whatever you want to call it. Groveling? Bowing down? In my opinion, anyway.

 

My momma used to say "Do as I say, not as I do" and I got that pretty quick. She's the adult, I am the child. But once I was grown up and away at college, I did as I pleased since I was paying my own way. We had a good relationship because she let me be and adult and didn't treat me like I was still 12.

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Joyce is touting herself as the "Star" of Atlanta Housewives. So I guess in spite of her story about not being paid, she is lying.  I mean how can she be a star if she isn't making Trump's money or at least NeNe's .

She is actually making public appearance, as the Star of Atlanta Housewives and has a following. When she refers to the rating it's "we". In referring to AH, she even credits the high rating of Kandi's wedding as because people tune  into see her.

 

So she gets on National TV  and makes as ass of herself, defiles everyone she comes in contact with and brags about it on her twitter. Sound like a hooker to me.

She also has said " A Mother will do anything so she can to support  her children". I guess to her it means trashing your daughter, destroying friendships and libeling others.

But wait, her daughter is a millionaire and doesn't need her support and beside this, she is not getting paid. So apparently she is doing this for reasons other than money.

 

Kandi you should never eat chicken in front of her without a witness.You could tragically choke on a chicken bone. Especially once, Joyce finds out a pre-nup has nothing to due with your asset  after you die.That its a  Will that would allow her to  continue to live in the way she has become accustomed.  Kandi, you probably should tell her she is not in your Will.

Edited by coloradoqt
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Kandi you should never eat chicken in front of her without a witness.You could tragically choke on a chicken bone. Especially once, Joyce finds out a pre-nup has nothing to due with your asset  after you die.That its a  Will that would allow her to  continue to live in the way she has become accustomed.  Kandi, you probably should tell her she is not in your Will.

I forgot about the damn "choke on a chicken bone" drama! Even though I'm sure she would be plenty well taken care of (beyond her big free house, Audi SUV, and monthly stipend), Joyce would find a way to insinuate that Todd had either forged a will or set up a murder for hire, with orange Baby Dinosaur backing her up all the way.

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The First Look has pre-nup drama. Todd doesn't want to sign it because he's made sacrifices like working on her play. It will be interesting to see the entire thing because in that scene Todd seems to be laying the groundwork for why he deserves Kandi's money to "start over" if they get divorced.

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(edited)

The First Look has pre-nup drama. Todd doesn't want to sign it because he's made sacrifices like working on her play. It will be interesting to see the entire thing because in that scene Todd seems to be laying the groundwork for why he deserves Kandi's money to "start over" if they get divorced.

 

Admittedly, that does not make Todd seem very chivalrous, but it's not unfair. He had a solid career as a producer as I understand it, and although he didn't make Kandi levels of cash, he could be out of the game for a while re-establishing himself if the marriage doesn't survive. A settlement to the lower-earning spouse would barely be questioned, i think, if the genders were reversed, so I have no issue with him negotiating a reasonable pre-nup. I really like Todd; I think he is a decent guy, I think he loves Kandi a bunch, and I happen to think he's extremely handsome. Mama Joyce is out of her damn mind for not welcoming him into the family, but that's become quite obvious.

 

I also really like Kandi; she may well be my favorite Housewife of all. She's hardworking, talented, funny, warm and openminded. Her foibles (chronic lateness, love of fast food, plastic cups at home) are evidence of her realness to me. I feel super bad for her situation with Joyce even though it also irritates me beyond belief. Joyce is a master of emotional manipulation and Kandi is simply cowed by her and the idea that any refusal to toe the line with Joyce is "disrespect". When I see her downplay Joyce's extreme rudeness and toxicity, and she loses every bit of strength we normally see in her, I can't help but pity her. I bet lots of people relate to a mom who can pull their strings with guilt every freaking time. 

 

By the way, is Kandi's cousin really named WEENIE? Poor girl looks and sounds identical to her Aunt Joyce. 

 

Edited to add a tip of the hat to whoever compared Kandi's aunt to Baby Dinosaur, but to take it one step farther:

Ethylphillips.jpg

Edited by bref
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(edited)

 

Admittedly, that does not make Todd seem very chivalrous, but it's not unfair. He had a solid career as a producer as I understand it, and although he didn't make Kandi levels of cash, he could be out of the game for a while re-establishing himself if the marriage doesn't survive. A settlement to the lower-earning spouse would barely be questioned, i think, if the genders were reversed, so I have no issue with him negotiating a reasonable pre-nup.

 

It's not as if he's become a stay-at-home father for Kandi and I question this solid career. He really didn't get started good as a production manager until 2011.I don't consider 3 years to be much of anything. Also, a production manager is not on the level of like a producer or executive producer. A production manager hires and oversees the production assistants (PAs) who get coffee and book flights/hotels for these cast trips to South Africa and Anguilla. He's also probably responsible for arranging shooting schedules and making sure everything comes in on budget. If RHoA were McDonald's, Todd wouldn't be in the executive suites, he'd be a shift manager hiring the cashiers and cooks, making schedules, ensuring health codes are met, and overseeing daily finances. Don't get me wrong, that's a good job, but he's not giving up all that much.

 

Before that, he was just a crew member for a couple years. Oprah's show ended, so there's no potential there, and then his next biggest gig is RHoA. He's certainly coming up using these reality shows, but to say that he has a solid career that he's giving up for Kandi is stretching his resume quite a bit. 

Edited by WimminWinning
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I'm surprised to be saying this, but actually see Todd's side to a point. I am not opposed to signing a pre-nup. Yet, if marrying someone wealthier, would question how much they actually loved me, if they wanted me left in a lurch just because we didn't work out. She needs to protect her assets for Riley's future, but needs amendments for her husband to have something if she dies, and a small amount with conditions if they break up (cheating clauses, etc).

Edited by paganalexandria
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