Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[theredhead77]

50 minutes ago, janie jones said:

Ha!  If it's an hour show, every bumper could be a shot of the hero still sitting in traffic, only having advanced 25 feet.

I laughed so hard during an episode of Mom - Christy was rushing off to her boyfriend, blasting I'm So Excited, windows down then they pan back to reveal she is stuck in rush hour traffic.

[shapeshifter]

Unlike characters on TV, if I was in an interrogation room being given the choice between life in prison or the death penalty (if I did or did not cooperate), I would be inclined to take the death penalty —although statistically the length of time of incarceration between the 2 is not very different.

[andromeda331]

11 hours ago, Nordly Beaumont said:

And how they can spell any name no matter how unusual or how many alternative spellings exist for that name.

This cracks me up all the time! Most jobs I've had I've spent at least five minutes of every call trying to verify the caller's name. But on TV they never have too! They never have to ask how to spell a name or if their on the phone go back and forth clarifying the letters they are each saying (Did you say B as in Boy or D as in Dog), bad connections or background noise and their computers always find exactly who they are looking no matter how the name is spelled. Also, their computers never surprises them with completely random results even when you actually did put in the right information.  

[Calvada]

And no one ever charges a cell phone!  Where can I get one of those phones?  I would also like one of those cars that it is always clean and never needs to be gassed up.  And one of those refrigerators that magically fills itself up with beer and soda.  People seem to hit the grocery store often for their supply of green-topped carrots and baguettes (which no one is ever seen eating) but no one is ever seen lugging a case of beer or pop or water into their home.  But there's always plenty of it, chilled and ready to consume.  

And all these 20-somethings have apartments full of perfectly matched furniture.  No one has Grandma's old pink-flowered sofa, or the bookcase made from milk crates, or a futon in the bedroom because they just got out of college and have a shitload of student loans.  

[ganesh]

43 minutes ago, Calvada said:

People seem to hit the grocery store often for their supply of green-topped carrots and baguettes (which no one is ever seen eating) but no one is ever seen lugging a case of beer or pop or water into their home. 

I went to the grocery store tonight and my bag was so full that I could only stuff the carrots in so they stuck up from the top of the bag! It wasn't planned. I do pack my bag strategically to not damage anything and there was no room for the carrots! I felt so tv. 

[kiddo82]

47 minutes ago, Calvada said:

And all these 20-somethings have apartments full of perfectly matched furniture.  No one has Grandma's old pink-flowered sofa, or the bookcase made from milk crates, or a futon in the bedroom because they just got out of college and have a shitload of student loans.  

And they all have sophisticated and obscure art/posters on the walls that also matches.  No one has Starry Night or something.  20 something new grads also order very specific drinks when they are out, or even better make them at home, like gin martinis with a twist.  I'm like "What can we mix with the vodka?  Let's try gatorade tonight" and I am not a 20 something new grad.

[Jacqs]

There was an interesting interview on the ABC many years ago where a real-life brainy teen insulted "ordinary" teenage girls for having pin-ups of male celebrities, instead of the intellectual thing the brainy teen had on her ceiling.

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

  I'm like "What can we mix with the vodka?  Let's try gatorade tonight" and I am not a 20 something new grad.

5 hours ago, Calvada said:

And all these 20-somethings have apartments full of perfectly matched furniture. No one has Grandma's old pink-flowered sofa, or the bookcase made from milk crates, or a futon in the bedroom because they just got out of college and have a shitload of student loans.  

While I don't think I would do things differently if I was in charge of props, still, yeah, I'm a still-single, 65-year-old mother of 3 daughters whom I put through college to varying degrees (pun). One still has debt, and I still have a 25-year-old, metal-frame futon for a couch in the livingroom for them to sleep on when they visit (which I slept on the last years they all still lived at home), and my bed is the one half of their old sawed-apart, homemade bunk beds. I've only seen a few episodes of Mom, but I'm pretty sure that even though I didn't gamble or drink, their furnishings are a lot nicer.

And hint to props people: Oatmeal is a lot cheaper than boxed cereal if that's the esthetic you're going for.

Edited September 15, 2018 by shapeshifter

[kiddo82]

And if they do have movie posters on the walls it's because they are film snobs and the posters are all Kubrick or Spielberg or Hitchcock*.  No Avengers  or whatever might happen to be current at the time.  And all teens/twenty somethings have an affinity for classic, black and white, and even silent films.  There was an episode of Buffy once where she was going on a date to a Buster Keaton marathon.  Buster Keaton!  

*Although to be fair to Dawson Leery he would have grown up watching movies like ET and the Indiana Jones movies so his Spielberg thing makes sense.

[ganesh]

12 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

I'm like "What can we mix with the vodka?  Let's try gatorade tonight"

Been there. Not bad actually. 

[Jacqs]

7 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

 There was an episode of Buffy once where she was going on a date to a Buster Keaton marathon.  Buster Keaton!  

Diana Serra Cary ("Baby Peggy") is still alive. Buffy could've fawned over her ;)

[auntlada]

18 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

This cracks me up all the time! Most jobs I've had I've spent at least five minutes of every call trying to verify the caller's name. But on TV they never have too! They never have to ask how to spell a name or if their on the phone go back and forth clarifying the letters they are each saying (Did you say B as in Boy or D as in Dog), bad connections or background noise and their computers always find exactly who they are looking no matter how the name is spelled. Also, their computers never surprises them with completely random results even when you actually did put in the right information.  

And their search engine (probably not Google on TV) never says, "Did you mean xxxxx?" instead of the thing they typed that was what they meant. Or if it does, they don't talk back to the computer the way I do. "If I meant xxxxx, I would have typed xxxxx."

[meep.meep]

On September 14, 2018 at 8:55 AM, Annber03 said:

My mom comments on that whenever we're watching "Criminal Minds". She's always like, "Amazing how they can get a signal no matter where they go." :D. 

My kids wouldn't go with me to the movies after I burst into laughter during the X Files movie when Mulder got a signal in Antarctica.

[Annber03]

Ha! I'd laugh at that, too. That's awesome. 

[theredhead77]

17 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

And they all have sophisticated and obscure art/posters on the walls that also matches.  No one has Starry Night or something.  20 something new grads also order very specific drinks when they are out, or even better make them at home, like gin martinis with a twist.  I'm like "What can we mix with the vodka?  Let's try gatorade tonight" and I am not a 20 something new grad.

 

4 hours ago, ganesh said:

Been there. Not bad actually. 

Pedialyte is the new Gatorade.

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, auntlada said:

And their search engine (probably not Google on TV) never says, "Did you mean xxxxx?" instead of the thing they typed that was what they meant. Or if it does, they don't talk back to the computer the way I do. "If I meant xxxxx, I would have typed xxxxx."

I think Provenza from The Closer might have actually said something like that.
Perhaps he's the exception that proves the rule (that it never happens on TV).

[ChromaKelly]

21 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

And they all have sophisticated and obscure art/posters on the walls that also matches.  No one has Starry Night or something.  20 something new grads also order very specific drinks when they are out, or even better make them at home, like gin martinis with a twist.  I'm like "What can we mix with the vodka?  Let's try gatorade tonight" and I am not a 20 something new grad.

I've mixed grape kool-aid with vodka. Do not recommend.  It was too easy to drink and made a mess later.

[andromeda331]

There was an episode of Castle where they get the name of the guy on the package and address it was sent too. The name comes back as man on the Terrorist Watch list. So they bust down the door with SWAT and everything only to find an elderly woman living there with her cats. They keep asking where the guy is and she says there's no one there by that name only Sally Needlemeyer. Beckett then realizes the name on the package had been misspelled or had been written down wrong. I remember watching it and thinking 'That sounds about right'. 

Edited September 16, 2018 by andromeda331

[Dr.OO7]

Every week or every other week, a TV cop will have to shoot and kill someone, when in real life, the average cop will have to make that decision ONCE in his/her entire career, if at all. (The Homicide Hunter, Joe Kenda, is incredibly proud that he NEVER fired his gun in his 20-something years as a cop)

TV cops have killed more people than serial killers, for crying out loud.

Even worse, I can count on one hand the number of times a TV cop shooting is handled even remotely realistically--modified duty, psych evaluation, Internal Affairs investigation.

[Jacqs]

1 hour ago, Camille said:

TV cops have killed more people than serial killers, for crying out loud.

Some of them probably ARE serial killers...

[scarynikki12]

TV cops HATE Internal Affairs. They call it The Rat Squad and cannot believe that there are cops who investigate other cops. Yet the stars of all tv cop shows will eventually investigate a crime that turns out to be committed by another cop. At no point will they realize that IA exists for just this purpose or that they’re probably being unjustly viewed as rats for arresting the episode’s cop bad guy. Nope they’ll continue to look down on IA for being traitors and arrest any future cop bad guys without any hint of awareness. 

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, Camille said:

Every week or every other week, a TV cop will have to shoot and kill someone, when in real life, the average cop will have to make that decision ONCE in his/her entire career, if at all. (The Homicide Hunter, Joe Kenda, is incredibly proud that he NEVER fired his gun in his 20-something years as a cop)

TV cops have killed more people than serial killers, for crying out loud.

Even worse, I can count on one hand the number of times a TV cop shooting is handled even remotely realistically--modified duty, psych evaluation, Internal Affairs investigation.

While all the TV cop shows I am currently watching do generally have a cop shootout every episode, on currently airing shows the modified duty, psych evaluation, and Internal Affairs investigation are usually at least mentioned in passing and frequently become part of the plot—and can even be useful if an actor needs to take a maternity leave or star on Broadway.
Some of the 60s shows like Dragnet and Adam 12 didn't have cops firing their guns, but, IIRC, The Untouchables did at least always have drawn guns.
Then came the action hero versions like Hawaii Five-0 and Miami Vice which featured a big shootout with lots of dead bad guys every week—and no mention of modified duty, psych evaluation, or an Internal Affairs investigation—although occasionally the sad, sensitive hero would be told by his cop buddy "If you ever want to talk about it . . ."
Then they morphed into the L&O-type shows with every cop shooting someone at least once per season—but up close and personal rather than from behind a concrete support in a garage with lots of extras firing at each other too—and eventually the modified duty, psych evaluation, Internal Affairs investigations became commonplace.

But, yeah, IRL, even here in Chicagoland, most of the shooting and killing by cops is done by a small percent of the force.

Now I'm wondering about all those old Westerns like Bonanza and The Lone Ranger. I guess IRL it was more like Little House on the Prairie.

[NutMeg]

On 9/15/2018 at 6:45 AM, ganesh said:

I went to the grocery store tonight and my bag was so full that I could only stuff the carrots in so they stuck up from the top of the bag! It wasn't planned. I do pack my bag strategically to not damage anything and there was no room for the carrots! I felt so tv. 

"I feel/felt so tv" is going to be my new thing from now on. Thank you!

[ganesh]

1 hour ago, NutMeg said:

I felt so tv. 

This needs to be a thing. 

[NutMeg]

3 minutes ago, ganesh said:

This needs to be a thing. 

Co-siging on that.

[meep.meep]

people feed their cats in the middle of the living room

[ganesh]

I didn't realize I was responding to a post in which I was quoted because when I read it, I said, 'yeah that's happened to me too, and I also pack my bag strategically.' I also don't remember making the original post either. 

[shapeshifter]

On 9/21/2018 at 11:55 AM, NutMeg said:

On 9/14/2018 at 11:45 PM, ganesh said:

I went to the grocery store tonight and my bag was so full that I could only stuff the carrots in so they stuck up from the top of the bag! It wasn't planned. I do pack my bag strategically to not damage anything and there was no room for the carrots! I felt so tv. 

"I feel/felt so tv" is going to be my new thing from now on. Thank you!

On 9/21/2018 at 1:17 PM, NutMeg said:

On 9/21/2018 at 1:13 PM, ganesh said:

This needs to be a thing. 

Co-siging on that.

Just don't let the people on the "LITERALLY!" and Other Offenders on the Grammar Police Docket thread get wind of it.
;>)

[Katy M]

1 hour ago, meep.meep said:

people feed their cats in the middle of the living room

When my cat was sick and didn't want to eat, I would periodically bring her food bowl to wherever she was and stick it in front of her.  Does it count as feeding her in the middle of the living room if she doesn't actually eat it?

[ganesh]

No, that's being a good pet owner. 

[bilgistic]

I just recently found this forum (it wasn't lost; I just wasn't aware of it). I've read the last six pages. Funny stuff!

I haven't seen this mentioned here (unless it's in the first 76 pages) and it's not on the TV tropes site: People on TV who are taking medication and need the next dose always, always take the bottle out of their pocket or medicine cabinet and open the bottle to see that it's empty and shake it to hear no pills rattling. Always with the bottle shaking. Did they not see that they took the last pill when they took it?? This especially happens when the character is beginning to become addicted to whatever medicine, but it doesn't necessarily have to be an actually addictive substance.

Also, medication works instantly, as soon as they (dry-)swallow the pill.

[Lugal]

On 9/22/2018 at 4:52 PM, meep.meep said:

people feed their cats in the middle of the living room

And yet when they go into the kitchen the cat is nowhere to be seen.  Cats know that's where the food is.   I had a cat that could be sleeping in the living room and the instant I step one foot in the kitchen, he would have been awake and watching.  Once I opened the fridge door, he was right there.  Then again, he knew when people mealtimes were and would always show up in the kitchen then.

[Annber03]

2 minutes ago, Lugal said:

I had a cat that could be sleeping in the living room and the instant I step one foot in the kitchen, he would have been awake and watching.  Once I opened the fridge door, he was right there. 

My cats are the same way. One of them will actually meow at my mom if she's a bit behind in getting into the kitchen in the morning to get more food :D.

I also remember, with a cat we used to have, waking up one morning to hear a scraping sound out in the kitchen. I come out, and apparently she had pushed her dish into the middle of the kitchen floor...and it was empty. Clearly she was trying to tell me something :p. 

[ganesh]

My dogs know their bowls. When I go in the kitchen and get them, they sit patiently and wait. 

[andromeda331]

My dogs have always known when it was time to eat. They always showed up well before that time to be ready. Then get really, really annoyed when its late.  Walking up to me to come and get me when it was time to eat and I wasn't pouring the food. If they could they'd drag me to the bowl to get their food.  Looking really nervous when I left any time during the hour window of its time to eat. Can almost hear the dog say "No wait! Don't go! Where are you going?! Do you know what time it is? You will be back before then right? Its so much fun every year with the time change. Sure my dog doesn't mind eating an hour earlier but still shows up an hour later looking for her food. You should see how angry she is when meal and snack times are an hour late. From confused to ticked off. My brother's dogs grab their dog bowls and bring it to him or his wife or start throwing it around. 

Edited September 24, 2018 by andromeda331

[theredhead77]

My kitten-cat will go to the closet where his treats are and do this adorable stretch up the door and reach his paw back while giving me a "it's time for my treat, right??" look. I do give it to him around the same time and try to time it for when I am cooking to distract him for 90 seconds. Lately he's been back at the door every time I move to the kitchen, thinking I forgot I already gave him his treat.

[ChromaKelly]

3 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

My kitten-cat will go to the closet where his treats are and do this adorable stretch up the door and reach his paw back while giving me a "it's time for my treat, right??" look. I do give it to him around the same time and try to time it for when I am cooking to distract him for 90 seconds. Lately he's been back at the door every time I move to the kitchen, thinking I forgot I already gave him his treat.

My cat would know the sound of the cabinet door where the canned food is kept. He wouldn't come running if other cabinets were opened, just that one.  Edit - if we were on a cat food commercial, I would be feeding him on the kitchen counter. What's that about?

Edited September 24, 2018 by ChromaKelly

[andromeda331]

Only on TV someone finds out someone wants them dead. Usually an assassin or crazy person. If its a supernatural show its well demon or something. The character will decided to ignore all smart ideas like staying where they are with body guards or police to protect them. Oh, no they decide they're going to go to work or out and about somewhere. They will decline body guards and police protection. Many times pointing to their gun saying 'that's all the protection I need' or stating their armed. Sure why have a dozen people with guns protecting you when you can have just yourself who is really not taking it seriously. If they have magic will refer to the powers as all the protection they need. Even after the person hunting them has proven to show up unannounced to take shots or break into their house. Nope, still don't think they need to take any precautions. Sure that always works up against assassins and crazy people. Sometimes they will amazingly end up in an alley or warehouse alone, whether its an anonymous tip or brand new client and yet never stop to think maybe that's where the person is laying in wait. 

[DrSpaceman73]

No one ever ends up getting a vasectomy on TV. 

They go to the appointment and then back out at the last minute after deciding they MIGHT want more kids. 

[Katy M]

14 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

Many times pointing to their gun saying 'that's all the protection I need' or stating their armed.

I don't know about real real life, but I've seen plenty of people posting on the internet saying that they don't have to worry about getting killed because they have a gun.

10 minutes ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

No one ever ends up getting a vasectomy on TV. 

They go to the appointment and then back out at the last minute after deciding they MIGHT want more kids. 

Except on Mad About You, where Paul got a vasectomy, had it reversed, got another one, and maybe got it reversed again.

[shapeshifter]

17 minutes ago, Katy M said:

33 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

Many times pointing to their gun saying 'that's all the protection I need' or stating their armed.

I don't know about real real life, but I've seen plenty of people posting on the internet saying that they don't have to worry about getting killed because they have a gun.

Yeah but I'd bet dollars to donuts that most of those have-gun-for-protection-will-travel posters don't have real life reasons. Like @andromeda331 began with:

34 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

Only on TV someone finds out someone wants them dead.

Based on the news I see and hear, most murdered folks never saw it coming. Of course, news is On TV too, so. . . 

[bilgistic]

3 hours ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

No one ever ends up getting a vasectomy on TV. 

They go to the appointment and then back out at the last minute after deciding they MIGHT want more kids. 

I don't know a single man in real life who has gotten a vasectomy. Every woman in my family, including me (who never had kids), has had their tubes tied.

[GHScorpiosRule]

3 hours ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

No one ever ends up getting a vasectomy on TV. 

 

Tim Allen’s character did get a vasectomy on Home Improvement.

[doodlebug]

Just now, GHScorpiosRule said:

Tim Allen’s character did get a vasectomy on Home Improvement.

Yes he did.  Not one of my favorite shows, but, as an OB/GYN; it was a good episode, presenting vasectomy as a simpler and effective option that was really to the benefit of all parties.

On Brooklyn 99, Charles had a vasectomy (done some time prior to the start of the show, but lots of dialog about it) while Terry considered having one, but then didn't go through with it.  His wife didn't get her tubes tied, either; they ended up deciding to have another child.

Michael Scott on The Office had multiple vasectomies.  His partner couldn't make up her mind and he kept having them and then having a reversal and then back again.

In real life, though, almost 3 times as many women as men undergo sterilization procedures even though a vasectomy is simpler, safer, and a lot cheaper.

[vibeology]

11 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

Michael Scott on The Office had multiple vasectomies.  His partner couldn't make up her mind and he kept having them and then having a reversal and then back again.

Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap!

So funny but also really sad.

It would be nice if TV presented vasectomies as something other than emasculating because they are a fairly simple and safe family planning option.

[doodlebug]

6 minutes ago, vibeology said:

Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap!

So funny but also really sad.

It would be nice if TV presented vasectomies as something other than emasculating because they are a fairly simple and safe family planning option.

Indeed, and I will say, on Home Improvement, despite mining some laughs from Tim's reluctance to go under the knife, there are multiple people, including the urologist and one of his friends, who remind him that the procedure is fairly simple and the potential benefit is very great.  And, at the end of the episode, we see Tim and his wife enjoying the freedom that permanent reliable birth control can give a couple.

[Katy M]

34 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

In real life, though, almost 3 times as many women as men undergo sterilization procedures even though a vasectomy is simpler, safer, and a lot cheaper.

Maybe that just means that 3 times as many women don't want children.  When I was going to get married (didn't happen for different reasons) I told my fiancé that before the wedding I was going to get my tubes ties because I didn't want children.  I'm the one that doesn't want them, I'm the one that has to do something about it.

[andromeda331]

54 minutes ago, GHScorpiosRule said:

Tim Allen’s character did get a vasectomy on Home Improvement.

 

45 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

Yes he did.  Not one of my favorite shows, but, as an OB/GYN; it was a good episode, presenting vasectomy as a simpler and effective option that was really to the benefit of all parties.

On Brooklyn 99, Charles had a vasectomy (done some time prior to the start of the show, but lots of dialog about it) while Terry considered having one, but then didn't go through with it.  His wife didn't get her tubes tied, either; they ended up deciding to have another child.

Michael Scott on The Office had multiple vasectomies.  His partner couldn't make up her mind and he kept having them and then having a reversal and then back again.

In real life, though, almost 3 times as many women as men undergo sterilization procedures even though a vasectomy is simpler, safer, and a lot cheaper.

He did although it really wasn't my favorite episode Jill springs it on him and gives him no time to think about it. I know she was worried after her friend got pregnant on the same stuff they were using. But I didn't like how she sprang it on him and didn't give him any time to think about it. She remains all over him and when he says no after getting freaked out at doctor's office gets mad at him. I like the parts where Wilson talked to him and Tim admitted the real reason was he liked the idea of still being able to father children even though he doesn't want to. Wilson gives him better advice and so does his friend Harry who admits he got one a few years back. I wish Jill had given him more time to think about it and talk it over with him.

The worse one though was the mess that was Gilmore Girls Sookie gives birth to her and her husband Jackson's second child and immediately has him taken away for a vasectomy. No discussion, no talking about it. She decided and that was that. Two orderlies take him off to get fixed. I think it was suppose to be funny but it really wasn't. Then in the last season the actress playing Sookie got pregnant, so the geniuses writers or whoever decided instead of ignoring the pregnancy to write it in. How do they decide to explain Sookie's getting pregnant after her husband got fixed? Well, they decided to have Jackson have lied the entire time and never actually got the vasectomy. That's right. What's just as great as Sookie forcing her husband to get a vasectomy? Jackson not going through with it and lying to his wife. Both were completely wrong and makes them both horrible. Jackson ending up worse. These are generally really nice and good people. But were thrown under the bus for two really horrible storylines.   

[Trini]

Burt on Raising Hope had a vasectomy too!

Have any women on TV had their tubes tied? Maybe that's rarer.

Edited September 25, 2018 by Trini
Gahh! Typo quoted again!

[Bastet]

2 hours ago, Trini said:

Has any women on TV had their tubes tied?

Probably not, because women on TV are never through having kids.  They can, like Clair Huxtable, have FIVE of the little fuckers, several of which are near grown, and they'll still get baby fever at some point.  Because women love babies, you know. 

Roseanne Conner was going to have her tubes tied after a pregnancy scare (because Dan wouldn't get a vasectomy, which - fuck that noise; no vasectomy, no sex, buddy), but, of course, changed her mind.  Because maybe three kids weren't enough.  And, sure enough, a few years later they decided to have a fourth.

In real life, among people I know well enough to know the state of their reproductive organs, in all the couples I know who have had a kid or two, are done, and now want a permanent form of birth control, the man had a vasectomy.  Based on pure logic - it's less invasive, less risky, less expensive - and fairness - she's had to bear the physical burden of their decision to have children, so it's his turn to take one for the team when they decide not to have any more.  But among those who are married/otherwise partnered, do not want any kids, and opted for permanent birth control, it's a more even split as to who got fixed.  Because the logic factor is still there, but the "yep, it's my turn, because you went through pregnancy and childbirth" factor isn't.

And this is mostly my age (40s) and a bit older or younger, but my dad had a vasectomy, with no resistance; it was a no-brainer to him based on the same factors my friends use today.

Edited September 25, 2018 by Bastet