Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[JustHereForFood]

On 9/19/2022 at 10:17 PM, GaT said:

I don't understand how anybody can wake up & immediately eat breakfast. Without even getting out of bed. Don't these people have to pee? Are they actually so hungry when they first wake up that they can eat a meal? It takes me two cups of coffee before I even get to the point where I can eat.

I don't think I could eat without brushing my teeth first.

[Bastet]

On 9/19/2022 at 9:09 PM, Cloud9Shopper said:

(Off topic but I never understood people who can just roll out of bed and go to work at home because the transition is too fast for me.) 

When I have to get up early, I am miserable.  So on a regular day, there's no way I'd wake up early in order to have a gradual transition from waking to working.  I set the alarm for 9:42, hit snooze (because I cannot get up the first time), get up when it goes off again at 10:00, shuffle down the hall to fire up the computer, go to the bathroom, and then come back to my home office to check voice mails, emails, etc. and proceed with my day. 

Plus, there isn't anything I want to do between waking and working -- I exercise in the evening, I shower right before bed, I don't have a caffeinated beverage routine (I just drink water during the day), I'm not hungry until around 1:00, my cat sleeps in for several more hours so I don't need to feed her or scoop her litter box before I start working, etc.  So on every level I'd rather spend that time sleeping.

[Cinnabon]

47 minutes ago, JustHereForFood said:

I don't think I could eat without brushing my teeth first.

Do you brush them again after you eat? I’d rather not brush twice before I even leave for work in the mornings.

[Mabinogia]

54 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Plus, there isn't anything I want to do between waking and working -- I exercise in the evening, I shower right before bed, I don't have a caffeinated beverage routine (I just drink water during the day), I'm not hungry until around 1:00, my cat sleeps in for several more hours so I don't need to feed her or scoop her litter box before I start working, etc.  So on every level I'd rather spend that time sleeping.

I have carefully calculated how long it takes to get ready for work and I do not get out of bed a second sooner than I must. I love my bed, though I don't typically sleep up until the moment I get out of bed. I have a transition alarm (a softer sounding one) that lets me know I have half an hour before I need to get up. My "transition" from sleep to work is laying in bed all snuggly and cozy until my more aggressive "now you must get out of bed and do things" alarm goes off. 

[DoctorAtomic]

I don't have to get up at any specific time for work so I don't bother with an alarm. I don't like to sleep too much in. I mean, 8 is when it's getting late.

Sometimes the dog will wake me up and then we'll listen to the news on the speaker for 15 minutes or so and then get going. 

But I don't rush in the morning. My commute is 7 minutes. 

[JustHereForFood]

17 hours ago, Cinnabon said:

Do you brush them again after you eat? I’d rather not brush twice before I even leave for work in the mornings.

Nope. When I don't work from home, I eat breakfast at work. I couln't eat that soon after getting up anyway and I am already in a rush, so I would have to eat very quickly. And now when I work from home, I am already used to that, so I just eat in front of the computer after I start working (or pretending to work while I eat and watch Stephen Colbert 😏).

[andromeda331]

On 9/22/2022 at 4:05 PM, Mabinogia said:

I have carefully calculated how long it takes to get ready for work and I do not get out of bed a second sooner than I must. I love my bed, though I don't typically sleep up until the moment I get out of bed. I have a transition alarm (a softer sounding one) that lets me know I have half an hour before I need to get up. My "transition" from sleep to work is laying in bed all snuggly and cozy until my more aggressive "now you must get out of bed and do things" alarm goes off. 

That's how I've always been from school to work. Sleep is always more important.

Edited September 26, 2022 by andromeda331

[Cinnabon]

4 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

That's how I've always been from school to work. Sleep is always more important.

Amen!

[ctlady]

On 9/19/2022 at 4:17 PM, GaT said:

I don't understand how anybody can wake up & immediately eat breakfast.

I don't understand how they can immediately wake up and begin making out. Yuk!

[Danielg342]

On 9/26/2022 at 2:04 PM, ctlady said:

I don't understand how they can immediately wake up and begin making out. Yuk!

I heard once that men are at their horniest in the morning. I'm not but I'm just one guy. So maybe some couples really do have...ahem..."cake" in bed before actually having breakfast. Gotta work up that appetite somehow. :P

[Bastet]

21 minutes ago, Danielg342 said:

I heard once that men are at their horniest in the morning. I'm not but I'm just one guy. So maybe some couples really do have...ahem..."cake" in bed before actually having breakfast. Gotta work up that appetite somehow. :P

Well, morning sex is one thing, but morning make-out kissing (as part of sex or on its own) is another.  It's not a deal-breaker in real life, of course, but it happens all the time on TV with hardly ever so much as a passing reference to the morning breath taste (which, not the lack of breakfast, is the issue).

[JustHereForFood]

A TV series I watched few years ago once had a scene with a new couple in their 40's or early 50's. They wake up in bed and the woman immediately wants to have morning sex. The man says ok, but I first need to pee and brush my teeth. She rolled her eyes. I found it refreshing to watch.

[Mabinogia]

1 hour ago, JustHereForFood said:

The man says ok, but I first need to pee and brush my teeth. She rolled her eyes. I found it refreshing to watch.

I am totally on his side on this one. Forget whether or not you brush your teeth, the second I wake up I have to pee and the idea of making out or having sex before relieving my bladder is a nightmare! But people on television only ever have to go potty for comedic affect or some kind of overhearing something they shouldn't moment. 

[andromeda331]

Watching an old Castle episode it's version of Rear Window, reminded me how on TV anyone doing anything during the night except sleeping is proof their up to no good. Castle thinks he witnesses a murder and later sees the guy cleaning his apartment in the middle of the night and thinks that's weird. Ah, I've cleaned my house in the middle of the night. Sometimes on a Friday night when I wanted to get it out of the way for the weekend and other times because I'm a night owl. He rented a storage unit and moved stuff in during the night. Maybe he works during the day? Also, isn't NYC known as the city that never sleeps? There's probably lots of people there who work, clean, go grocery shopping, and do other stuff at night. There's an early episode where Beckett thinks it's odd that an employee was packing patient files on a Friday night although Ryan does point out that when your low on the totem pole it's not that odd. Which is a possibility. It's also possible he volunteered. I've worked nights at retail, on the pickline and when I worked in call center even on Friday nights or weekends most of the time for extra pay for the first to and to get caught up on things when I worked in an office. Or maybe he just wants to get it done. You'd think cops who have crazy hours wouldn't be so surprised by that. 

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, andromeda331 said:

You'd think cops who have crazy hours wouldn't be so surprised by that. 

Well, cops who go home to an empty house/apartment and watch TV before turning in for the night sneer "Not much of an alibi, is it?" when a person of interest accounts for their evening the same way.

[merylinkid]

People who can't account for their every second are suspect.   While folks who can (because they planned ahead, hello) are "cleared."    Until the alibi fails apart.   

[Mabinogia]

1 hour ago, merylinkid said:

People who can't account for their every second are suspect.   While folks who can (because they planned ahead, hello) are "cleared."    Until the alibi fails apart.   

I am way more suspicious of people who can account for every second of a crime. If I ask a perp "where were you at 10PM last Tuesday and they come up with an answer right away I would 100% think they were lying and had already thought of an alibi because they knew they were going to need one. 

If I lived on TV I'd probably have been thrown in jail by now. My "alibi" about 90% of the time would be "at home, alone, doing...stuff" especially now since I still work from home most of the time. lol "can anyone confirm that?" "sure, the Stanley" "And does Stanley have a last name?" "ummm, the Squirrel? He's a squirrel. He runs across my porch most days and stares in the window. He'd have seen me for sure." 

[Annber03]

2 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

I am way more suspicious of people who can account for every second of a crime. If I ask a perp "where were you at 10PM last Tuesday and they come up with an answer right away I would 100% think they were lying and had already thought of an alibi because they knew they were going to need one. 

I love it in true crime shows when people think that sharing every single last detail of their whereabouts will make them look innocent. Alongside the reason you and others note, about already preparing an alibi, there's also the fact that most people's memories just aren't THAT good. You might be able to remember a specific detail or two (like, for instance,  "I know x event happened at this time because it was around the time my favorite show started", or something of that sort), but to remember every single thing like that? Not very likely. 

[andromeda331]

3 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

I am way more suspicious of people who can account for every second of a crime. If I ask a perp "where were you at 10PM last Tuesday and they come up with an answer right away I would 100% think they were lying and had already thought of an alibi because they knew they were going to need one. 

If I lived on TV I'd probably have been thrown in jail by now. My "alibi" about 90% of the time would be "at home, alone, doing...stuff" especially now since I still work from home most of the time. lol "can anyone confirm that?" "sure, the Stanley" "And does Stanley have a last name?" "ummm, the Squirrel? He's a squirrel. He runs across my porch most days and stares in the window. He'd have seen me for sure." 

46 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

I love it in true crime shows when people think that sharing every single last detail of their whereabouts will make them look innocent. Alongside the reason you and others note, about already preparing an alibi, there's also the fact that most people's memories just aren't THAT good. You might be able to remember a specific detail or two (like, for instance,  "I know x event happened at this time because it was around the time my favorite show started", or something of that sort), but to remember every single thing like that? Not very likely. 

Yeah, it makes them look more suspicious when they can remember every detail of their day. I live boring housebound life with very little change from day to day due to my medical issues and I can't recall every second of my day. Or what I watched. Did I watch Rizzoli & Isles reruns that night or the night before? Maybe that was when I watched the latest Andor episode. Couldn't say.

Edited October 29, 2022 by andromeda331

[DoctorAtomic]

You people are my alibi. I post here all the time so when I say 'I was home posting about Quantum Leap,' there's a time stamp and the metadata. 

[supposebly]

I have an ex boyfriend who can tell me the day, the weather, what we were wearing about events from 30 years ago. He has a freakish memory like that. He'd be very suspicious in an interrogation. ☺️

[Bethany]

On TV shows people don't seem to phone each other they always seem to go in person to extend invitations, give information, chat or whatever.  I do get why they do this in the context of a TV show of course but it's certainly not realistic! 

[paulvdb]

On 10/29/2022 at 9:59 PM, DoctorAtomic said:

You people are my alibi. I post here all the time so when I say 'I was home posting about Quantum Leap,' there's a time stamp and the metadata. 

That just means that you're a computer expert who can fake their location and/or you have a bot that is set up to post under your name when you are out committing crimes.

[Hiyo]

Or (plot twist) you have an accomplice...

[Haleth]

Sounds like a Law and Order episode.

[DoctorAtomic]

I'm not using a VPN so the IP address is the actual address for the post. My only accomplice weighs 7 pounds and has 4 feet. 

[possibilities]

The puppy did it!!

Dun Dun

[Raja]

Speaking of Law & Order I doubt if real life CSU/CSI will tell experienced homicide investigators that they didn't find a shell casing so " the suspect picked them up or used a revolver" as if the detective wasn't coming to that conclusion without a prompt.

[Shannon L.]

Everyone on tv gets loopy on pain killers and they always drop right off to sleep not long afterwards, but not before saying something they wish they hadn't. 

The writers have never met my husband and daughter. 

[Anduin]

23 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

The writers have never met my husband and daughter. 

You mean it's lights out without saying anything stupid?

[Zella]

I have said questionable stuff coming off anesthesia, but my one experience with painkillers after a dental procedure involved not being able to sleep (my default state anyway), reading about Jack the Ripper to while away the insomnia, and then having nightmares about Jack the Ripper pulling out my teeth. Then the next day they just made me sick without being particularly effective. Nothing particularly stupid said but they didn't zonk me out either. 

That being said, I really don't recommend reading about serial killers while on painkillers. That weird nightmare is still particularly vivid 10 years later. 

Edited November 10, 2022 by Zella

[Shannon L.]

35 minutes ago, Anduin said:

You mean it's lights out without saying anything stupid?

They don't get silly, or tired, or share secrets when on pain killers. They simply get the benefits without the side effects. 

Edited November 10, 2022 by Shannon L.

[Anduin]

3 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

They don't get silly, or tired, or share secrets when on pain killers. They simply get the benefits without the side effects. 

Right. I wasn't sure if you meant regular painkillers or the KO level.

[Lugal]

On 11/9/2022 at 9:41 PM, Shannon L. said:

Everyone on tv gets loopy on pain killers and they always drop right off to sleep not long afterwards, but not before saying something they wish they hadn't. 

The writers have never met my husband and daughter.

There was that time I had Vicodin after a dental procedure and learned the meaning of the phrase "vomit in terror".  I do not understand the addictive quality of that drug.

On 11/9/2022 at 10:28 PM, Zella said:

That being said, I really don't recommend reading about serial killers while on painkillers. That weird nightmare is still particularly vivid 10 years later.

An acquaintance I knew years ago told how after getting painkillers, she hallucinated someone looking in the window at her all night (and she was staying in a third floor room).

[Egg McMuffin]

On TV, women frequently wake up in full makeup.

[Quof]

Like Tori Roloff waking in the middle of the night when her water broke, racing to the hospital to give birth in shimmery eyeshadow and caterpillar false eyelashes? 

Oh, wait. That was "reality."

[Grrarrggh]

On 11/10/2022 at 12:40 AM, Shannon L. said:

They don't get silly, or tired, or share secrets when on pain killers. They simply get the benefits without the side effects. 

I've spent a fair amount of time on serious painkillers and except for minor withdrawal symptoms I've never had any of those "fun" side effects so many people get, though I do get quite tired after the first few doses. And the first time I took dilaudid my upper lip itched like crazy. Apparently it's a fairly common occurrence, according to the doctor. 

[Mabinogia]

4 hours ago, Egg McMuffin said:

On TV, women frequently wake up in full makeup.

Wait, so that doesn't happen in reality? Does this mean I can fire the makeup artist I hired to come and do my face up while I sleep? Yay! More money I can put into my perfectly decorated NYC penthouse with a view of the Empire State Building that I pay for with my job that requires me to show up at noon, after my boozy brunch with the ladies, and leave mid-afternoon because I have to go buy my groceries with baguette that will fall out when I bump into the right hot man who is engaged to some horrible workaholic he doesn't really love but is only marrying because a) she pressured him into it, b) her family and my family have business dealings and it's expected or c) she pretends to be nice around him but is evil whenever he's not around. Good thing too, because my closet doesn't have enough space for all the outfits I only wear once and never look at again. 

Yeah, tv really gave me the wrong idea of what my life was going to look like. I never see tv characters sitting around in their miss matched PJs all day eating elbows out of this mornings cerial bowl with a laptop on their lap while they watch tv. Now that is the glamourous life.

[BlueSkies]

This was more common in the 90s on TV but even then I don’t know of anyone who goes into their friends bedroom window to get in their house.  Yet alone doing so with ladders 

[Katy M]

1 hour ago, BlueSkies said:

This was more common in the 90s on TV but even then I don’t know of anyone who goes into their friends bedroom window to get in their house.  Yet alone doing so with ladders 

OMG, yes.  How did that turn into such a thing. Shawn on Boy Meets World, Joey on Dawson's Creek, Sam (?) on Clarissa Explains it All.  I feel like I'm forgetting somebody obvious.  Anyway, these people all had doors.  

[BlueSkies]

20 minutes ago, Katy M said:

OMG, yes.  How did that turn into such a thing. Shawn on Boy Meets World, Joey on Dawson's Creek, Sam (?) on Clarissa Explains it All.  I feel like I'm forgetting somebody obvious.  Anyway, these people all had doors.  

Home Improvement and Saved By the Bell too pretty sure 

[Katy M]

20 hours ago, BlueSkies said:

Home Improvement and Saved By the Bell too pretty sure 

Zach climbed in Jessie's window. I don't think anyone on Home Improvement did that.

[Mabinogia]

I get the sneaking in through the window thing for teenagers in love. Like, he knows that if he comes through the front door her parents won't let him into her room and they want to have secret sexy times, but I never quite understood it in, say Girl Meets World where Maya would almost always come through the window instead of just using the front door. First, she is more than welcome into the Corey home, so no need for subterfuge, but secondly, why is a pre-teen girl who lives in NYC leaving her bedroom window unlocked 24/7? 

[DoctorAtomic]

Didn't Zach climb in the window for the "I'm so excited?" aka the best 90s moment in television. 

[DoctorAtomic]

When people text on tv, why doesn't anyone use swipe? 

[Cinnabon]

39 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

When people text on tv, why doesn't anyone use swipe? 

What?

[Grrarrggh]

Most people on television are psychic, because they'll often make plans with someone else and neither will name a time or sometimes even place to meet! Plus they often don't lock doors and occasionally won't even close them.

[Jaded]

On 11/19/2022 at 2:35 PM, Katy M said:

OMG, yes.  How did that turn into such a thing. Shawn on Boy Meets World, Joey on Dawson's Creek, Sam (?) on Clarissa Explains it All.  I feel like I'm forgetting somebody obvious.  Anyway, these people all had doors.  

I remember thinking Sam was so cute when I was young watching Clarissa Explains it All....🙃

The lists at the bottom of this TV Tropes page might help you remember who you think you might be forgetting.

 

Edited November 22, 2022 by Jaded

[Blergh]

On 11/20/2022 at 12:25 PM, Mabinogia said:

I get the sneaking in through the window thing for teenagers in love. Like, he knows that if he comes through the front door her parents won't let him into her room and they want to have secret sexy times, but I never quite understood it in, say Girl Meets World where Maya would almost always come through the window instead of just using the front door. First, she is more than welcome into the Corey home, so no need for subterfuge, but secondly, why is a pre-teen girl who lives in NYC leaving her bedroom window unlocked 24/7? 

Agree with all the above! Also, I'd like to add that I thought it was rather appalling that no one seemed concerned for Maya's safety re exiting via the window and onto the Manhattan streets solo in the middle of the night. I mean not only did neither Cory nor Topanga  even offer to walk back  this young teen girl to her home but no one so much as  seemed bother to attempt to call to make sure she made it back safely. Hello, Manhattan at night is NOT Mayberry or Mayfield in broad daylight! Some friends the Matthewses were to her (and that's just the tip of the iceberg on that subject)!

[BlueSkies]

Fonzie might be cool but if he lived in Green Bay he’d be freezing to death more often than not if all he had on was a little leather jacket

Ditto for Step by Step.  I liked the show as a kid but if they lived in Wisconsin why no mention of snow storms or dressing in layers without showing any exposed skin?