Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[ABay]

Check out Movie Movie for a send--up of that practice. George C Scott and Eli Wallach in a mock trailer for Zero Hour about daring young war pilots...both men were in their late 50s early 60s at the time.

[proserpina65]

On ‎11‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 5:24 PM, janie jones said:

And like, don't you want a little of this and a little of that?  Does this person only get beef and broccoli, and that person only get orange chicken, and that person only get kung pao chicken?

I never share Chinese food.  I eat the dish I ordered.  But if it comes with rice, I do put it on a plate with the rice.

[Maharincess]

I was watching an old rerun of One Day at a Time this morning. They came back from the grocery store with two bags, one had the greens and bread poking out of the top.  The other had napkins and paper towels.  Until I started reading this thread I never noticed what was in the shopping bags but now I can't not notice. 

[ganesh]

It goes back as far as Mary Tyler Moore. 

[Moose135]

10 minutes ago, Maharincess said:

Until I started reading this thread I never noticed what was in the shopping bags but now I can't not notice. 

Then our job here is done! ;-)

[SunnyBeBe]

Have you ever noticed how skimpy the serving sizes are on tv?  A small bowl of food for a party of 5?  They must have petite appetites.  lol

[Bastet]

2 hours ago, Maharincess said:

The other had napkins and paper towels.

That's another one: I think the percentage of people on TV who buy a single roll of paper towels is significantly higher than those who do so in real life.

[Sandman87]

Only on TV will someone be engaged in a strenuous activity, but only spend 15 seconds or so breathing heavily once they stop.

[ganesh]

No one buys anything in bulk on TV. 

[Katy M]

20 minutes ago, ganesh said:

No one buys anything in bulk on TV. 

Sheldon does and then tries to convince Penny to buy 30 years' worth of tampons.

[janie jones]

1 hour ago, ganesh said:

No one buys anything in bulk on TV. 

Or if they do, they go way overboard and have an entire closet full of jars of mayo or something.

[selkie]

3 hours ago, ganesh said:

No one buys anything in bulk on TV. 

 From a Supernatural apocalypse episode:

Future Chuck: "Some free advice? You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it. Hoard it like it's made of gold. 'Cause it is."

[Haleth]

13 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Have you ever noticed how skimpy the serving sizes are on tv?  A small bowl of food for a party of 5?  They must have petite appetites.  lol

Nobody ever eats anyway.  

[ChromaKelly]

18 hours ago, janie jones said:

Or if they do, they go way overboard and have an entire closet full of jars of mayo or something.

Yes I was going to say, people only buy in bulk for comedy reasons or because the person is crazy. It's never just like, hey we're a family of five so I'm going to buy a case of toilet paper because it makes sense. But, these are the people who grocery shop and come home with a single bag.

[meep.meep]

22 hours ago, ganesh said:

No one buys anything in bulk on TV. 

You missed the spongeworthy episode of Seinfeld.

[legaleagle53]

On 11/11/2017 at 2:22 PM, Raja said:

In other words a different culture. On one side of my family older brothers, sisters, cousins... are always referred to as such. Translated to English "big brother/sister". Along with other titles and honorifics beyond "doctor" or "officer" used by most Americans, like say "Attorney"

That's very much an Asian thing, especially in Japan.

[Sandman87]

On 11/15/2017 at 8:01 PM, legaleagle53 said:

That's very much an Asian thing, especially in Japan.

Japanese has a bewildering variety of honorifics for every occasion. And a bewildering variety of pronouns that they can be used with.

[Maharincess]

On 11/14/2017 at 3:14 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

Have you ever noticed how skimpy the serving sizes are on tv?  A small bowl of food for a party of 5?  They must have petite appetites.  lol

I've also noticed that a family of 5 will get one small pizza for the whole family. I only weigh 99 pounds but I can eat a small pizza myself. 

Edited November 17, 2017 by Maharincess

[legaleagle53]

7 hours ago, Sandman87 said:

Japanese has a bewildering variety of honorifics for every occasion. And a bewildering variety of pronouns that they can be used with.

Hai, soo desu ne.  :)

[Moose135]

52 minutes ago, legaleagle53 said:

Hai, soo desu ne.

That's easy for you to say... ;-)

[ganesh]

Just say -san for everyone to cover your bases. 

[NutMeg]

On 11/16/2017 at 5:01 AM, legaleagle53 said:

That's very much an Asian thing, especially in Japan.

Even more so in China, actually. There's a different word to refer to any relative based on their gender and rank order on the chrono spectrum. Sibling, for instance, can translate in at least four different words (not sure if there are terms for twins). English is so easy in comparison :) 

[MaryPatShelby]

On 11/14/2017 at 5:14 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

Have you ever noticed how skimpy the serving sizes are on tv?  A small bowl of food for a party of 5?  They must have petite appetites.  lol

Beds are pretty tiny too, especially for couples, and dining room tables too.  Hey, I think I've hit on something.  TV people eat tiny servings of food, so they only small tables and small beds!

[legaleagle53]

9 hours ago, NutMeg said:

Even more so in China, actually. There's a different word to refer to any relative based on their gender and rank order on the chrono spectrum. Sibling, for instance, can translate in at least four different words (not sure if there are terms for twins). English is so easy in comparison :) 

That's the same system that exists in Japan. Moreover, Japanese has two separate sets of words for family members: one set for referring to one's own family, and a completely different set that must be used when referring to someone else's family. One of the first things that non-native Japanese speakers have to learn is when to use which set of words.

[Snipsa]

Something that I've also noticed on TV is that when somebody goes for a first driving lesson, hijinx will ALWAYS happen.

 

The person learning to drive will not have any idea how to steer, will ALWAYS speed (I've taught a few people to drive, and speeding is NEVER a worry in the first lesson), will not know where the brake are.  May or may not bump into somebody.

 

It is never a case of stalling the car a time or two, starting to get the hang of it, and then just crawling around not so busy areas until the person learning to drive is comfortable enough to drive in some traffic.

 

And let's not even go to when they must learn to drive manual gears.  It always seems like people learning to drive has never even been in a car before and has never observed anything that a driver does...

[legaleagle53]

24 minutes ago, Snipsa said:

Something that I've also noticed on TV is that when somebody goes for a first driving lesson, hijinx will ALWAYS happen.

 

The person learning to drive will not have any idea how to steer, will ALWAYS speed (I've taught a few people to drive, and speeding is NEVER a worry in the first lesson), will not know where the brake are.  May or may not bump into somebody.

 

It is never a case of stalling the car a time or two, starting to get the hang of it, and then just crawling around not so busy areas until the person learning to drive is comfortable enough to drive in some traffic.

 

And let's not even go to when they must learn to drive manual gears.  It always seems like people learning to drive has never even been in a car before and has never observed anything that a driver does...

We don't.  Passengers simply don't pay attention to things like that because we don't have to.

And I HATE driving.  That's why I never bothered to get a license and have never even owned a car.

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, Snipsa said:

Something that I've also noticed on TV is that when somebody goes for a first driving lesson, hijinx will ALWAYS happen.

Actually, they could have built a comedy series using video of me teaching my daughters to drive. It was so traumatic for me that I have no memory of it.

[Anela]

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Actually, they could have built a comedy series using video of me teaching my daughters to drive. It was so traumatic for me that I have no memory of it.

One of the few times I tried, as a teenager, my mum let out a swear word in the back (she had headphones on, and it just came out, as I went over a piece of concrete in a parking lot). She apologized profusely, knowing what it was like to have someone in the car, who did things like that as you're learning, but I never tried again. I also hate it, and am terrified of hurting someone. Even the best drivers can end up in an accident, or something, and I just couldn't handle that. 

[Shannon L.]

My daughter has been learning to drive over the past couple of months and she still can't figure out how to turn the wheel when backing out of the driveway to go the direction I want her to go.  I'm either saying "the other way" or she'll just ask "Which way? (to which I respond, "which way do you think?  You have to figure this out")".  And I am constantly telling her to slow down (as I did with my son when he learned). 

My very first time in the car, I was all over the road for the first few seconds until I figured out that wheel was more sensitive than I thought it was and a few months later, learning to drive a stick shift is something that I'm sure my dad has completely blocked out. 

[Katy M]

12 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

My daughter has been learning to drive over the past couple of months and she still can't figure out how to turn the wheel when backing out of the driveway to go the direction I want her to go.  I'm either saying "the other way" or she'll just ask "Which way? (to which I respond, "which way do you think?  You have to figure this out")".  And I am constantly telling her to slow down (as I did with my son when he learned). 

When my dad was teaching me how to drive, he had me back into the driveway.  I totally couldn't figure out what I was doing and ended up basically parallel parked next to the garage. Which is funny because I can't parallel park to save my life and if I was trying to parallel park next to the garage I probably would have ended up backed into the garage.  I think this is when my dad's hair turned grey.

[Maharincess]

18 hours ago, Snipsa said:

Something that I've also noticed on TV is that when somebody goes for a first driving lesson, hijinx will ALWAYS happen.

 

The person learning to drive will not have any idea how to steer, will ALWAYS speed (I've taught a few people to drive, and speeding is NEVER a worry in the first lesson), will not know where the brake are.  May or may not bump into somebody.

 

It is never a case of stalling the car a time or two, starting to get the hang of it, and then just crawling around not so busy areas until the person learning to drive is comfortable enough to drive in some traffic.

 

And let's not even go to when they must learn to drive manual gears.  It always seems like people learning to drive has never even been in a car before and has never observed anything that a driver does...

I taught my kids to drive with a manual transmission.  They wanted to learn on the "normal" car but I insisted they learn to drive stick.  We could have been a sitcom during those lessons.  It once took me and my son 58 minutes (I actually timed it)  to drive around the block because he kept stalling the car.  We look back on it now and laugh our asses off.  We didn't have any speeding issues because they could barely make the car move but there were many, many hijinks. 

When I was learning to drive, my problem was that if I turned my head to the left or right to look for traffic etc, my hands would automatically turn in that direction too so I was always swerving all over the road. I do the same thing when I play video games, if my character in the game jumps, my hands do too. 

Edited November 18, 2017 by Maharincess

[Raja]

On 11/17/2017 at 6:08 PM, MaryPatShelby said:

Beds are pretty tiny too, especially for couples, and dining room tables too.  Hey, I think I've hit on something.  TV people eat tiny servings of food, so they only small tables and small beds!

And, except for comedies where the size is a running  joke, are populated by tiny people

[ChromaKelly]

Omg look! This was on FB today! 

[legaleagle53]

On 11/18/2017 at 6:25 AM, Anela said:

One of the few times I tried, as a teenager, my mum let out a swear word in the back (she had headphones on, and it just came out, as I went over a piece of concrete in a parking lot). She apologized profusely, knowing what it was like to have someone in the car, who did things like that as you're learning, but I never tried again. I also hate it, and am terrified of hurting someone. Even the best drivers can end up in an accident, or something, and I just couldn't handle that. 

My female counterpart!  :)

[Shannon L.]

Every prince is so insanely jealous and angry over his brother becoming king that they set out to either stage a coup or kill him or both.

[Katy M]

5 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

Every prince is so insanely jealous and angry over his brother becoming king that they set out to either stage a coup or kill him or both.

Well, if you look at history that isn't only on TV.  John, Richard the Lionheart's brother tried to usurp him.  They had another brother who also tried, but Richard had him killed. His name escapes me at the moment.  And Edward IV's brother Clarence tried to take his crown.  OK, for whatever reason I seem to only have examples from England, but I'm sure other countries have examples as well.

[Shannon L.]

3 hours ago, Katy M said:

Well, if you look at history that isn't only on TV.  John, Richard the Lionheart's brother tried to usurp him.  They had another brother who also tried, but Richard had him killed. His name escapes me at the moment.  And Edward IV's brother Clarence tried to take his crown.  OK, for whatever reason I seem to only have examples from England, but I'm sure other countries have examples as well.

I stand corrected.  I was thinking of modern day and wondered if Harry was secretly plotting against William. 

Moving right along.....

[scarynikki12]

Now I'm sorry I learned to drive with Driver's Ed, which was low key and taught me super fast.  My parents, on the other hand, didn't go grey until their early fifties so I'm sure they disagree.

[merylinkid]

4 hours ago, Katy M said:

Well, if you look at history that isn't only on TV.  John, Richard the Lionheart's brother tried to usurp him.  They had another brother who also tried, but Richard had him killed. His name escapes me at the moment.  And Edward IV's brother Clarence tried to take his crown.  OK, for whatever reason I seem to only have examples from England, but I'm sure other countries have examples as well.

Richard was the second son.   The oldest died.   Richard became next in line of succession.   There were issues with dear old dad.    Then Richard became King but Geoffrey was jealous because dear old dad wanted to pass over his "rival' and give the kingship to Jeff.   Poor John Lackland was the unwanted child.   So while Rick was off crusading and he was left in charge, well kinda, mommy dearest was watching out for her favorite Rick, he got a little carried away.   Boy was he mad when mommy raised the ransom to free Ricky Boy from the Holy Roman Emperor.   

As for Duke of Clarence, he got bad advice.   Warwick the Kingmaker, his father-in-law, got a little irked that Eddie Boy wasn't giving him enough attention.   So he pulled his support and threw it behind Georgie.   Who let it go to his head.    He was well rewarded by being drowned in a butt of malmsey.   Richard the loyal brother got treated like crap.   Then when Eddie croaked early, leaving behind minor children, he decided to take over for the good of the Kingdom.    A minority rule with the WOODVILLES on the regency counsel would have been disastrous.   Worse than the Civil War between King Stephen and Empress Maud.   So he took over.   Then got falsely accused of murdering his nephews.   Then the Percys got involved and helped Henry Tudor who was another claimaint through his mother take over.    We know the rest.

 

Wow, tv drama ain't got nothing on real life.    But still, there isn't nearly the intrigue in real life there is on tv for the throne.   As for William and Henry, I quite think Henry is intriguing to NOT get the throne.   He is thrilled that Wills and Kate are on their 3rd child.   

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I stand corrected.  I was thinking of modern day and wondered if Harry was secretly plotting against William

Heh. Nah, I think they like each other and so do their wife and fiancee.

I , OTOH, was thinking of Kim Jong-un having his half brother assassinated earlier this year.

[Constant Viewer]

1 hour ago, merylinkid said:

Wow, tv drama ain't got nothing on real life

Which is why I wish someone would do a good drama on the Plantagenet family starting with the reign of Henry II on down.

[selkie]

2 hours ago, scarynikki12 said:

Now I'm sorry I learned to drive with Driver's Ed, which was low key and taught me super fast.  My parents, on the other hand, didn't go grey until their early fifties so I'm sure they disagree.

 

My driver's ed instructor was mentally out there- at some point between playing college football (he was a teammate of Gerald Ford at Michigan) and chasing Rommel across African deserts in WW2, he'd scrambled parts of his brain. He'd do things like decide that what was the city red light district at the time was a great place to practice driving because the street made you change lanes about every block. And then the driver's ed car broke down, he ended up in the gay bar across the way (this was pre-carphones for all days) calling it in for someone to get another car out there, (and was in there long enough he probably did have a beer or two) and since, it was summer and about 90F out, the three of us  students standing on a corner where the propositions did happen. 

Learning to drive on tv shows just seemed so less weird than me own real life experience

[riley702]

2 hours ago, merylinkid said:

Then got falsely accused of murdering his nephews...

Since we don't actually know what happened to the Princes in the Tower, he's still just as much a suspect as anyone else.

[paulvdb]

10 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I stand corrected.  I was thinking of modern day and wondered if Harry was secretly plotting against William. 

Moving right along.....

 

8 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Heh. Nah, I think they like each other and so do their wife and fiancee.

I , OTOH, was thinking of Kim Jong-un having his half brother assassinated earlier this year.

This sort of thing only happens in absolute monarchies (or other hereditary dictatorships) where the king has real power. In modern day Western Europe the title of king is mostly ceremonial, so Harry has no reason to kill William.

[merylinkid]

10 hours ago, Constant Viewer said:

Which is why I wish someone would do a good drama on the Plantagenet family starting with the reign of Henry II on down.

Oh no, they need to start with the Founder of the Plantagenet dynasty - Geoffrey of Anjou.    The marriage of him and Empress Maud was epic.

 

TOPIC:   Only on tv do lawyers get to take depositions in the middle of trial.   Or completely change their theory of the case and present whole new evidence.   In real life, discovery is long over before trial.   And if you don't know what evidence the other side has or have a solid theory for trial, you then get a grievance for incompentence.

[Haleth]

10 hours ago, Constant Viewer said:

Which is why I wish someone would do a good drama on the Plantagenet family starting with the reign of Henry II on down.

Shakespeare?  

Kidding aside, A Lion in Winter is a fabulous play/movie about the Plantagenets.  Most awkward Christmas ever.

To bring this back on topic, why is it that tv families choose to air their dirty laundry on Christmas?  (Answer my own question-- too much spiked eggnog.)

Edited November 22, 2017 by Haleth

[Constant Viewer]

5 hours ago, Haleth said:

15 hours ago, Constant Viewer said:

Which is why I wish someone would do a good drama on the Plantagenet family starting with the reign of Henry II on down.

Shakespeare?  

Kidding aside, A Lion in Winter is a fabulous play/movie about the Plantagenets.  Most awkward Christmas ever.

To bring this back on topic, why is it that tv families choose to air their dirty laundry on Christmas?  (Answer my own question-- too much spiked eggnog.)

There is Shakespeare, but I want a series like the Tudors, but more accurate. Lion in Winter is one of my favorite movies by the way!

As far as airing dirty laundry on Christmas, it's probably because they don't talk to each other often enough so everything gets built up.

[Moose135]

1 hour ago, Constant Viewer said:

As far as airing dirty laundry on Christmas, it's probably because they don't talk to each other often enough so everything gets built up.

It's part of the Airing of Grievances for Festivus.

[AimingforYoko]

6 hours ago, Moose135 said:

It's part of the Airing of Grievances for Festivus.

"I've got a lot of problems with you people."

[legaleagle53]

On 11/21/2017 at 7:14 PM, Constant Viewer said:

Which is why I wish someone would do a good drama on the Plantagenet family starting with the reign of Henry II on down.

Now you know why Shakespeare's histories dealt primarily with the Plantagenet and Tudor lines from the time of King John through Henry VIII.  It was a grand source of high drama.