The Lonely Js Club: Jana, Jason, James, Jackson & Johannah

[GEML]

I think this is why she enjoys being in DC with Josh and Anna. Sure, there's childcare. But I don't think that Jana minds the childcare. (She never seems to put a child down the way someone like Jessa does.). But in DC she enjoys Anna and Josh's company as a full and independent person.

[Mrsjumbo]

Throw in a Dh who travels & a SN child, & the hardest thing for me was something short like P/T conferences where I needed someone to just watch the kids for 30-45 min. It almost wasn't worth hiring a sitter for that, but I had no choice.

[DangerousMinds]

I haven't had a sense of what truly interests her. Not cooking, or midwifery, fashion, music, probably not teaching or education, child care. I hope she gets a chance to find out, if she doesn't know already. Sewing? Good lord.

[riverblue22]

There is a picture over at the FB Pickles page.  Jana and JD had their birthday lunch at Cracker Barrel with Ma and Pa and Grandma Duggar. Guess there is no courtin" going on with either of those two.

[CindyBee]

There is a picture over at the FB Pickles page.  Jana and JD had their birthday lunch at Cracker Barrel with Ma and Pa and Grandma Duggar. Guess there is no courtin" going on with either of those two.

 

Saw that picture.  Jana is such a beautiful girl and I hope that whatever comes her way in the next year or so is something more than just being on the outside looking in on life.    But I won't hold my breath or anything as I feel like its going to more of the status quo for her.    

[3girlsforus]

Well according to the birthday FB post she's a concert musician and has lots of ministry interests. I get the feeling Michelle and JB think all their kids have a 'heart for ministry' in the same way Michelle prayed for a 'heart for children'. I'm sure some of them will (I think Jill does) and who knows - maybe JD or Jana do. But I don't think they will get to find out because they are being told that's what they have.

 

While it's nice that they went out to lunch for their birthday, I wonder if they also have friends they got to do something with. 

[GEML]

Jana is the biggest cipher. There doesn't seem to be anything that she wants to do. That might mean she simply hasn't been exposed to what it is that would allow her to shine, or it could just mean that she's a nice girl who isn't very interesting. Those types of girls really do exist - I remember being in college with a girl and having the exact same conversation with her twice because all of the exposure in the world just wasn't going to make her interesting. She was very nice, and very kind, but dull as dishwater.

[CarolMK]

I thought that Jana played the harp, and was the most talented out of all the girls who played. Also, she does sew, as we've seen many times on the show. I have a feeling she made most of the girls' dresses starting when she was about 12 years old for many years, until TLC came along and they could afford to go to thrift shops. She could play the harp at fundie weddings or be a seamstress and make a living if she was allowed to do so. I just don't think the Duggars encourage their daughters to have careers outside the home. Their friends the Bates don't seem to mind (Michaela is employed as a full time nanny), but the Duggars want their girls home until they get married.

[GEML]

But what if her complaining about making the dresses is because she doesn't like sewing? She might be good at it, but she doesn't seem to like it much. She's good with children, but she doesn't seem to take any joy in caring for them. She's musically talented, but we never see her play with any flair or again, passion.

The easy argument is to say she's been beaten down by her parents. But she could also just be the type of person who just isn't very interesting. Her twin, after all, isn't. If she weren't as pretty as she is, I sometimes wonder if we would be as sympathetic.

[3girlsforus]

There's a question.... is she dull by nature or nurture??? Who knew this was a philosophy forum :-).

 

 

She could surprise us. Maybe she's constantly saying 'Serenity Now' and some day is going to pull a Lizzie Borden. 

[Wellfleet]

I thought that Jana played the harp, and was the most talented out of all the girls who played. Also, she does sew, as we've seen many times on the show. I have a feeling she made most of the girls' dresses starting when she was about 12 years old for many years, until TLC came along and they could afford to go to thrift shops. She could play the harp at fundie weddings or be a seamstress and make a living if she was allowed to do so. I just don't think the Duggars encourage their daughters to have careers outside the home. Their friends the Bates don't seem to mind (Michaela is employed as a full time nanny), but the Duggars want their girls home until they get married.

 

Of course they want the girls home until they marry - Mechelle needs them to raise the rest of her children.

[PityFree]

Jana is a concert pianist the same way Jill is an OB-GYN.

[Micks Picks]

Dangerous minds said:

I haven't had a sense of what truly interests her. Not cooking, or midwifery, fashion, music, probably not teaching or education, child care. I hope she gets a chance to find out, if she doesn't know already. Sewing? Good lord.

This is me, Mick, and I can't get this out of the quotes, sorry>

 

I'm with Dangerous Minds on this one.  I don't think I know her at all.  She seems so pretty but no personality there.  I'm still waiting for her to really laugh, to find something very amusing.  I swear her twin has more personality than her.  She works her tush off for that family, and gets sent to "camp" or whatever all the time, so she may be afraid to show personality or maybe she is afraid to have one.  In order for her to really laugh, which is my fervent wish, she'd have to know something about the world around her, have some feeling of irony.

I'm thinking there is just no there, there.

I did something wrong here.  I meant to quote Dangerous and ending up with quotes around the whole paragraph I wrote also.

Edited January 14, 2015 by frenchtoast
Removed errant quote tags.

[Betweenyouandme]

There's a question.... is she dull by nature or nurture??? Who knew this was a philosophy forum :-).

She could surprise us. Maybe she's constantly saying 'Serenity Now' and some day is going to pull a Lizzie Borden.

If one of them did snap in that way....I think that would be a huge, huge, huge media circus. How terrible and awful would that be. I'd go hide for a few weeks, I think.

[3girlsforus]

If one of them did snap in that way....I think that would be a huge, huge, huge media circus. How terrible and awful would that be. I'd go hide for a few weeks, I think.

It would be awful.  Hopefully if any of them are under pressure to live a way they don't want to and are suppressing their feelings and desires they are able to break out and be themselves before they have any kind of emotional break.  But Michelle had a nervous breakdown that was probably at least in part brought on by being a mom to a bunch of kids when she's really not a kid person. It's not out of the question that one or more of the kids will be emotionally strung out by trying to tow the line.

[cereality]

So Jana (and JD) didn't get any kind of birthday wish from Jill on social media; shockingly they did from Jessa. I know in that family your stock only rises once you marry, but given that she knows people/magazines are watching her social media, you think Jill would have at least acknowledged her oldest sister's birthday. It's not like she's wanting for time -- and we have to know about it every time she makes bakes potatoes or visits Derick for lunch -- so a quick HBD wouldn't have been so hard.

[Absolom]

Hopefully she called or visited in person so had no need to put anything on the internet.  

[Joe Jitsu913]

The impression that I get from Jana is emotionally stifled. Almost as if she's afraid of showing a hint of personality which I believe is a self-defense method.I can totally understand why she is this way given her family's view on gender roles.

I also get the feeling from Jana that she is possibly an empath/clairvoyant. She has a very 'Earth Mother' vibe to me.

[Sew Sumi]

So Jana (and JD) didn't get any kind of birthday wish from Jill on social media; shockingly they did from Jessa. I know in that family your stock only rises once you marry, but given that she knows people/magazines are watching her social media, you think Jill would have at least acknowledged her oldest sister's birthday. It's not like she's wanting for time -- and we have to know about it every time she makes bakes potatoes or visits Derick for lunch -- so a quick HBD wouldn't have been so hard.

Even if Jill called, she knows perfectly well that they are in the public eye, and this stuff is expected from her now. Especially given that this was her MAID OF HONOR for crying out loud! Yes, Smugs and Jessa got their birthday wishes in with about half an hour left last night, but it was something. Hell, ANNA and AMY posted birthday wishes earlier in the day! 

 

I LOLed when I read the FB post about Jana being a "concert pianist." They obviously have no clue what this really entails. Even Erin Bates, with her degree in music, is not a real concert pianist, no matter how many church services or fundie weddings she plays for. TBH, I don't think I've ever seen her play piano, just harp and violin. What an odd thing to say.

 

Jana has to have *something* there; the littles are seemingly afraid that she'll discipline them (well, she IS their real mother after all). She seems to be the office organization person; I like logistical stuff as well. It's a good position for her to hold within the family if she's more introverted, which seems to be the case. Unfortunately, in a family like the Duggars, who perform like trained seals needing to be "on" all the time, it's not the best environment for introverts. JD, Joe and Jennifer also strike me as strongly introverted. But back to Jana, I just hope she finds a man who truly appreciates her, and takes her away from the Duggar rat race. 

[GEML]

There's a question.... is she dull by nature or nurture??? Who knew this was a philosophy forum.

Guilty. My degree in college is in philosophy! :)

[graefin]

But what if her complaining about making the dresses is because she doesn't like sewing? She might be good at it, but she doesn't seem to like it much. She's good with children, but she doesn't seem to take any joy in caring for them. She's musically talented, but we never see her play with any flair or again, passion.

The easy argument is to say she's been beaten down by her parents. But she could also just be the type of person who just isn't very interesting. Her twin, after all, isn't. If she weren't as pretty as she is, I sometimes wonder if we would be as sympathetic.

What makes Jana sympathetic is not her "prettiness," but the sadness that is apparent in her eyes and the emptiness of her smile. She has been raised in a culture where disliking pickles is the extent to which you are allowed to show individuality and where the older girls are expected to bear the brunt of the housework and childcare. What time or energy or leeway does she have to develop outside interests? And what could we really say about her siblings' interests, aside from Jill being passionate about midwifery and Jinger liking photography and John David doing construction and constable work? Can we really describe any of the others better than Jana?

IMO, if she were simply "dull" or "uninteresting," I would think she would be a lot more likely to be content with her life, which by all outward appearances she is not--she's even voiced dissatisfaction with other family members and has shown signs of emotional trauma from past events. In fact, I think for her to be as unhappy as she apparently is, there has to be a lot going on "up there."

[Mrsjumbo]

Hopefully she called or visited in person so had no need to put anything on the internet.

Ha! When has there ever been a need for Jill to put anything on the Internet? Yet she does. Every.little.detail.

[GEML]

I get it. But I wonder if we read unhappiness because we know how beautiful she would be if she were a happy person. But Michelle isn't a particularly happy and interesting person either, so maybe there's just not any there, there?

[yogi2014L]

Even if Jill called, she knows perfectly well that they are in the public eye, and this stuff is expected from her now. Especially given that this was her MAID OF HONOR for crying out loud! Yes, Smugs and Jessa got their birthday wishes in with about half an hour left last night, but it was something. Hell, ANNA and AMY posted birthday wishes earlier in the day! 

 

I LOLed when I read the FB post about Jana being a "concert pianist." They obviously have no clue what this really entails. Even Erin Bates, with her degree in music, is not a real concert pianist, no matter how many church services or fundie weddings she plays for. TBH, I don't think I've ever seen her play piano, just harp and violin. What an odd thing to say.

 

 

If it doesn't have to do with 2ndComingofChristDilly Jill doesn't care. Babies trump everything in her world!

 

I feel SO SO bad for Jana. Her asshole parents made a mockery of her- posting that she is a concert pianist while the public basically ridicules them for it. All the comments on the Fb page/media stories were like " um what? NO" I doubt she had any say in her parents posting. She must be so embarrassed. I hate Boob ad MECHELLE for her. FREE JANA

 

Jana if you are reading this, I know its them and not you!!! Poor thing. 

Edited January 14, 2015 by yogi2014L

[graefin]

I get it. But I wonder if we read unhappiness because we know how beautiful she would be if she were a happy person.

I'm not sure I understand this. We think she is unhappy because she would be prettier if she were happy?

[GEML]

I think she is a very pretty girl, and we all think, wow, if she were HAPPY, imagine how BEAUTIFUL she would be!

But maybe she's as happy as she's ever going to be. Think of it this way - the boys are all total duds, personality-wise, including her twin. And it's hard to separate that part of the reason that I, at least think this is because they look like total hayseeds. If they were really good looking guys, I'm betting that Id be thinking that they were less responsible for their lacks in personality and more likely to blame their parents. But what if the complaining about the sewing, expressing dissatisfaction with her family, etc., is how Jana acts all of the time and we are only now just seeing it? And what if her sisters have said to her, "well, what DO you want to do?" And she just sighs and answers "I don't know" and won't make any changes. Not because people are stopping her, but because she's not very interesting.

Maybe you all don't know people like that, but I sure do. They are often very nice, decent people, but they have a sort of negative outlook on life while not being engaged enough with it to change it.

[BitterApple]

Especially given that this was her MAID OF HONOR for crying out loud!

 

Not to mention Jana was the one who sewed all those God-awful bridesmaids dresses. I guarantee Jana did more work on Jill's wedding than anyone. Jana is just completely forgotten in that family, however I'm sure Jilly Muffin will remember she exists when she needs free childcare for baby Dill Pickle.

Edited January 15, 2015 by BitterApple

[RazzleberryPie]

I think she is a very pretty girl, and we all think, wow, if she were HAPPY, imagine how BEAUTIFUL she would be!

But maybe she's as happy as she's ever going to be. Think of it this way - the boys are all total duds, personality-wise, including her twin. And it's hard to separate that part of the reason that I, at least think this is because they look like total hayseeds. If they were really good looking guys, I'm betting that Id be thinking that they were less responsible for their lacks in personality and more likely to blame their parents. But what if the complaining about the sewing, expressing dissatisfaction with her family, etc., is how Jana acts all of the time and we are only now just seeing it? And what if her sisters have said to her, "well, what DO you want to do?" And she just sighs and answers "I don't know" and won't make any changes. Not because people are stopping her, but because she's not very interesting.

Maybe you all don't know people like that, but I sure do. They are often very nice, decent people, but they have a sort of negative outlook on life while not being engaged enough with it to change it.

Duggars seem to either be extremely loud and out there, or dull as dishwater. There really isn't much inbetween IMO. Jana could truly be as dull as some of her brothers, but her eyes and overall 'countenance' look sad, tired and defeated most of the time. 

[DangerousMinds]

When looking back at comments about Jana, it does seem most posters when describing her mention her looks, how pretty/beautiful she is right away. That's almost always the first characteristic mentioned. I agree with GEML here.

[cereality]

I think she is a very pretty girl, and we all think, wow, if she were HAPPY, imagine how BEAUTIFUL she would be!

But maybe she's as happy as she's ever going to be. Think of it this way - the boys are all total duds, personality-wise, including her twin. And it's hard to separate that part of the reason that I, at least think this is because they look like total hayseeds. If they were really good looking guys, I'm betting that Id be thinking that they were less responsible for their lacks in personality and more likely to blame their parents. But what if the complaining about the sewing, expressing dissatisfaction with her family, etc., is how Jana acts all of the time and we are only now just seeing it? And what if her sisters have said to her, "well, what DO you want to do?" And she just sighs and answers "I don't know" and won't make any changes. Not because people are stopping her, but because she's not very interesting.

Maybe you all don't know people like that, but I sure do. They are often very nice, decent people, but they have a sort of negative outlook on life while not being engaged enough with it to change it.

I agree -- Jana just doesn't come across like the "grab life by the horns" type of person. I realize she and they are all restricted re what they can and cannot do -- in part due to lack of education and in part due to rules. But even within such restrictions -- Jill carved out some interests of her own; she was studying midwifery, I think at one point she was learning Spanish. Jessa -- she hasn't accomplished much -- but she has the same type of spunk, so if she had some interests that could be pursued from home or in an all female environment, JB would have been hard pressed to stop her. Jinger seems to be into photography; I'm not sure if she does much but I think she's the one that did Jill and Derick's engagement pictures; if she were so inclined, I bet she'd be able/allowed to take on some projects taking pics for fundie engagements and weddings and again I don't think JB and Michelle would stop her because she'd be dealing with "known" families -- at most she'd have to bring a buddy. Jana OTOH seems "content" to just do her daily chores and that's it. In a way I feel bad because maybe she just doesn't have enough exposure to find something of her own to do. Or maybe she feels so beaten down that housework is enough and she doesn't even care to do anything else. But I think it's an equally likely possibility that she is a lot like her brothers -- content to do what she "has" to do and nothing more.

[jcbrown]

 

Duggars seem to either be extremely loud and out there, or dull as dishwater.

Let's not rule out that those may not be mutually exclusive. Boob, for example, is both loud and dull (and dim). I feel for Jana, as I do for many of the kids, for the stifled potential. Boob and MEchelle had 19 kids for the sole purpose of turning them into automatons and it appears to us that they may have succeeded with Jana, though she still shows the glimmer of that stifling from time to time. It's just all unbearably sad if you think about it too much.

Edited January 15, 2015 by jcbrown

[Panders]

Oh Jinger (and Jana) stop giving free child care to Josh and Anna and come move to the NYC area where you can easily make $3000 a month as a nanny for 10 hours a day 5 days a week. You'd have your nights and weekends free and your own money! I bet all the Duggar girls and Bates girls could make great livings off being a nanny with all the child raising experience they have yet they are stuck raising their own siblings for free. Just Michaella Bates seems to be allowed to be a nanny

[WTFFF]

Jana started her life out with personality and spirit - beating it out of her is one of Michelle's proudest accomplishments.  So whatever may be lacking from her, I don't think she was born without it; I think it was taken from her or given up. 

[Jellybeans]

I think Jana has a "poor me vibe" and I am tired of it. She is old enough to do what she wants.

And, she IS doing what she wants which is doing NOTHING for herself.

[GEML]

I've come to think this too. If anything, the Duggars and the show seem to go out of their way to focus something each of the girls are good at or interested in. Sometimes it seems silly (Jana is no concert musician) but they try and talk them up.

But Jana seems to go out of her way to put herself down or say she doesn't like doing things even if she's good at them. At 25, I personally think she's responsible for finding those things herself. And I'm sorry, but I've known young women who lived much more brutal religious lives with threats of hell over them who managed, so I'm not impressed with the "it's their parents' fault" line.

[cereality]

I've come to think this too. If anything, the Duggars and the show seem to go out of their way to focus something each of the girls are good at or interested in. Sometimes it seems silly (Jana is no concert musician) but they try and talk them up.

But Jana seems to go out of her way to put herself down or say she doesn't like doing things even if she's good at them. At 25, I personally think she's responsible for finding those things herself. And I'm sorry, but I've known young women who lived much more brutal religious lives with threats of hell over them who managed, so I'm not impressed with the "it's their parents' fault" line.

I haven't paid such close attention to jana -- how do we know that she complains or puts herself down or doesn't like doing things? Has she said that? I thought the whole show was about "keeping sweet" so the only time I even remember the slightest bit of complaining from her was re Jill's bridesmaid dresses when she said 'the other girls can sew too so I'm not sure why I'm in charge." Have there been other examples on social media -- i'm curious?

[GEML]

There was the whole issue about food - Jana was the one going to Weight Watchers and thinking she was too heavy. Which a lot of us (ie, people who I know who watch the show but not necessarily here) thought was odd - instead of focusing on healthy eating (desperately needed) here was the example of Jana showing herself in a negative light.

Then there are her comments in the book about resenting her family members and the care taking. Totally understand that, except that she's excellent at doing that and seems to take it on naturally and then be resentful afterwards.

Then the sewing...

She's also said she turned the public speaking part over to Jill because she's naturally shy and Jill isn't, but she seems to be fine doing it. Again, another skill, but she doesn't like it.

It's pretty clear that she never wanted to do midwifery.

She's musically talented (if not up to her parents' puffery) but she never plays with any joy.

So there are lots of things that she's good at: cooking/nutrition, childcare, friendship within the family, sewing, public speaking, midwifery/doula, music - but she's never happy with herself in any of them. There were also other outlets open to her that we know she could have taken but didn't - Jessa does fashion and shopping for instance, Jinger does photography, JoyAnna enjoys sports. Jana has traveled all over the world, but expresses no real interest in travel, learning a new language, missions or cultures as other children have done. She's had first responder training, but doesn't seem to want to pursue anything relating to that.

She just seems, well, rather dull and unhappy about it.

Edited January 18, 2015 by GEML

[jilliannatalia]

I, too,  questioned the labeling of Jana as a concert pianist.  Then again, "concert pianist" is one of those unprotected terms like "nutritionist"  [in the U.S., anyway]. Anyone with any qualifications or lack of them can profess to be either. Exactly what is a concert pianist, anyway? My mom knows how to play exactly two songs on the piano: "Chopsticks," and "Heart and Soul." Could she send out fliers and hold a concert in her living room for anyone foolish enough to show up, and then declare herself a "concert pianist" ? I think many people use the term "concert pianist" when "classically trained pianist" would be a more fitting description.Jana is presumably a classically trained pianist unless her piano instruction came via the Internet just as many of the family's home-schooling materials do, in which case I'd describe her simply as a person who plays the piano.

Edited January 18, 2015 by jilliannatalia

[Barb23]

I think Jana may have come to the realization that no matter what she may be interested in, because of her upbringing & beliefs, she will never have a career outside of the home. She has seen Jill put her midwifery education & skills aside. She knows the early childhood education courses Anna has taken have only benefited Anna by being a better home school mom, not getting her a job outside the home as a preschool teacher. I don't see Jana as the one to break away from the compound & never look back. Like her sisters, sister-in-law & other women in their religion/beliefs, she will be a wife and mother & nothing else - case closed. What a shame.

(No offense to stay at home wives & mothers.)

[cereality]

There was the whole issue about food - Jana was the one going to Weight Watchers and thinking she was too heavy. Which a lot of us (ie, people who I know who watch the show but not necessarily here) thought was odd - instead of focusing on healthy eating (desperately needed) here was the example of Jana showing herself in a negative light.

Then there are her comments in the book about resenting her family members and the care taking. Totally understand that, except that she's excellent at doing that and seems to take it on naturally and then be resentful afterwards.

Then the sewing...

She's also said she turned the public speaking part over to Jill because she's naturally shy and Jill isn't, but she seems to be fine doing it. Again, another skill, but she doesn't like it.

It's pretty clear that she never wanted to do midwifery.

She's musically talented (if not up to her parents' puffery) but she never plays with any joy.

So there are lots of things that she's good at: cooking/nutrition, childcare, friendship within the family, sewing, public speaking, midwifery/doula, music - but she's never happy with herself in any of them. There were also other outlets open to her that we know she could have taken but didn't - Jessa does fashion and shopping for instance, Jinger does photography, JoyAnna enjoys sports. Jana has traveled all over the world, but expresses no real interest in travel, learning a new language, missions or cultures as other children have done. She's had first responder training, but doesn't seem to want to pursue anything relating to that.

She just seems, well, rather dull and unhappy about it.

Interesting -- did not know all that. To give her the benefit of the doubt though, it is possible that she just hasn't discovered what she wants and in that family she just might not. You list a lot of skills, but childcare, sewing, cooking and midwifery all fall in the same "profession" of being a wife/mom who helps out her family and other women; and then music and public speaking are a bit different and fall into the profession of "performer." Maybe she's ok with either wife/mom or performer but isn't excited by either of those things. I mean when I look at how my friends were back in college, some of them went through like a dozen majors before deciding what it is they wanted to do in life. I seriously know a guy who went to college as an engineering major, couldn't hack that at the time, discovered a love of English literature, did that for a while and graduated; then got some opportunity to sign a minor record deal and became a performer on a world tour for a while; then decided that his true passion was science so he went to get a certificate in biology and to fulfill pre med requirements and will now be graduating med school at around age 35. Point is -- some young people need to try out a lot of things before discovering one that they're passionate about or are even ok doing for the next 30-40 years.

 

With Jana -- she's tried out mom/wife jobs and music jobs and isn't thrilled with either. That doesn't necessarily make her dull as a dish rag. Though I do think it makes her less intelligent than her sisters and her friends the Bates because those girls at least realize -- there are very few things open to us, so find one that you're at least ok with that Mama and Daddy will approve of and pursue it because that's the only chance you'll have to pursue something of your own. That line of thinking is what's led Jill into midwifery (even if she doesn't pursue it -- she got to be around it for a while); Erin into a music degree and teaching music; Michaela to being a nanny; Jinger to developing some photography skills etc. I mean in those households, you have to take whatever opportunities are given; if you sit around dreaming about being a doctor (not saying Jana even has that kind of aspiration) and won't pursue anything else besides medicine, well you will spend your life being disappointed because being a dr. with that kind of education just isn't likely. I mean even the boys are handicapped by the lifestyle. Josh -- wanted to be a lawyer but knew that wasn't realistic; so when the opportunity to have a car lot came up, he grabbed it. Now he's probably living his dream as a policy/fundraising guy in DC, though I'm sure in his heart of hearts, he looks around at a city which has the greatest number of lawyers per capita and thinks -- damn, that should have been me, my parents short changed me/my education.

[MJDai]

I think Jana is quite good at the childcare/homemaking/music things. How could she not be? She been at it since she could hold a dishrag. But she has never chosen to do them. Her work in the home has been expected from her and when she is done she is not thanked, she is given more. Personally, I don't care how good I am at something and how much I could enjoy it, if I HAD to do it without given any choice in the matter and without any thanks I would get annoyed and unhappy too. And this way of life has been going on for so long- literally her whole life, that it become who she is. I don't think she feels she has the agency to change that. Even at 25 she does not know how to change her circumstances.

Jana seems to be more introverted than her sisters. Where Jessa gives stink eye and Jinger and Jill find something of their own to be excited about, I think Jana gives inner-stink eye at herself and her family and probably punishes herself for not meeting all the expectations while still inwardly railing against the expectations heaped upon her. But this is all speculation because I can't see inside Jana's head. But I hope that, if myspeculation is right, Jana does find some agency, some personal power, because else she's going to lie on her deathbed in 60 years and think: my life sucked.

[msblossom]

I'm not sure that Jana is dull or hasn't found what she wants to do; I think it's possible that she's chronically depressed. It would explain her inability to find joy in the things she is interested in or to pursue things she may be interested in, as well as the (seemingly) lack of interest of falling in love. I think she's a perfectionist by nature (and birth order) which could explain (along with depression) why she's hard on herself and plays down her abilities.

[3girlsforus]

I'm not sure that Jana is dull or hasn't found what she wants to do; I think it's possible that she's chronically depressed. It would explain her inability to find joy in the things she is interested in or to pursue things she may be interested in, as well as the (seemingly) lack of interest of falling in love. I think she's a perfectionist by nature (and birth order) which could explain (along with depression) why she's hard on herself and plays down her abilities.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if this is the case.  Expecting her to latch onto one of the things she's presented with (child-rearing, sewing, playing the piano, housekeeping) and be thrilled and happy isn't really fair. It kind of buys into the theory that this is what women should be doing since it will make them happy. I will not be convinced that she is just dull and a martyr until I have confirmation she has a legitimate way to get herself out of there. I am convinced that JB holds the TLC purse strings. I don't think Jana has access to money or resources to set herself up alone. She certainly doesn't have the education. Not to mention the pressure of knowing how neglected her younger brothers and sisters would be without someone to take care of them. She has to know Michelle won't step in. All of that would lead me into seriously chronic depression. 

 

I keep coming back to the idea that if JB was her spouse and not her dad people wouldn't completely blame her. He treats her like an emotionally abused wife. He controls her with access to people, access to money, rules for her behavior, and even holds her salvation over her head because 'good Christian women' behave the way JB requires. He claims to hold her heart... he holds a lot more than that, and not in a good way.

[GEML]

I think it could be depression. But I also think that we make allowances for her that we don't make for the boys because she's pretty and seems likeable. And again, she's had the opportunity to travel and do a lot of things outside of the home, but she seems even less interested in these things than she does the domestic things. I'm just not sure that I'm buying the "poor Jana" routine any longer. But that's just me.

[DangerousMinds]

I wish Jana would take a nanny job away from the family (even if not her ultimate goal), make some money of her own and get some experience/gain some confidence in the outside world. At that point, she could easily meet up with people willing to help her get an education (if she so desires), support her in new choices and behaviors, and help her "grow up" outside Duggar Gothard land. Hell, I bet there are people who regularly post their willingness to help these adult kids escape on the family's socia media pages (and those messages are no doubt quickly deleted).

[lookeyloo]

It just doesn't seem to me that Jana has the mental energy to do all that it would take for her to break away. Picture her telling the parents she wants to try something else with her life. My thought is that they would put so much pressure on her and leave her no opportunity to explore any options. And she would just give in. Unless in her head right now she accepts her situation. For her to get out it would be like going to a foreign country and trying to adapt with limited support. And she would be easy to take advantage of.

[DangerousMinds]

If she could start out nannying for another Christian (but not Gothard) family, maybe it would be an easier and smoother transition. Preferably with educated parents and kids that go to school outside the home, LOL.

[WTFFF]

I give Jana more "breaks" than the boys because the boys aren't treated like chattel and are actually given opportunities to explore what they want to do even if it has very little practical application, like JD and his plane. 

 

If Jana really doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, that gives her less reason to break away, in my opinion.  She has no reason to leave - which would be a horrible uphill battle for any of the kids, but especially the girls - because she has nothing to leave for.  These kids would need one hell of a passion for something to just up and leave their family and the only lifestyle they think will let them get to Heaven.

Edited January 18, 2015 by WTFFF

[3girlsforus]

I make more allowances for Jana  than the boys because she is treated differently than the boys. Boys are given much less responsibility and far more opportunity than the girls. Boys are taught they have more value and are in charge. Girls are taught they are valued by their uterus and are owned by their dad until they are owned by their husband. Not exactly a breeding ground for the self-esteem to make a break from their controlling family and definitely a breeding ground for depression.

 

Edited to add that I will/would make the same allowances for the other girls in the Duggar family but Jana is currently the one most affected by the situation since she's the oldest girl in the house. 

Edited January 19, 2015 by 3girlsforus

[GEML]

I actually used to think that, and still think that in many fundamentalist circles, but I think the TV show kind of heads a lot of that off. Because the girls have so much more power and value on TV than any of the boys do - the boys are just awful with few exceptions, and those exceptions seem to be out of sync with the Duggar codes of masculinity.

So yes, in a typical Fundy/Gothard family, Jana has one mission in life. But in TLC, she's actually encouraged (even by her parents somewhat) to branch out a little for the sake of the show. Every other girl over 10 has figured this out, and I suspect Anna has figured it out for Mac as well. But not Jana. Why not?