Tinsley Mortimer: Former High Society "IT Girl"

[LilaFowler]

Welp. Who didn't see this coming? We all knew he'd never marry her.

I don't want her back on NY unless she is really and truly finished talking to/about Scott. The whole thing has reached new lows of pathetic.

[divsc]

The US Weekly article quotes someone as saying,  “Tinsley shouldn’t feel blindsided when she was aware it was over months ago,” the insider says. “Maybe it actually sunk in last week, but Scott did not blindside her. They have not seen each other since the beginning of January. They did not spend Valentine’s Day together. He’s been living alone since January.”

But Tinsley posted an insta Valentine's Day post of Scott as if they were together.

I wonder if she did know and was just refusing to believe it, or if he was doing his wishy washy crap of not really being committed but keeping her hoping it could still work out. He sucks. I think she probably would have done whatever to make it work. She can do better. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CLR-ypejWqX/

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by divsc

[Chit Chat]

2 hours ago, Teriacky said:

Do you suppose Dorinda is off somewhere cackling to herself? 

Probably so.  She loves to be able to say "I told you so."   If so, put a sock in it, Dorinda.  Clip!  Clip!

[Stats Queen]

30 minutes ago, divsc said:

I wonder if she did know and was just refusing to believe it, or if he was doing his wishy washy crap of not really being committed but keeping her hoping it could still work out. He sucks. I think she probably would have done whatever to make it work. She can do better. 

He does suck. I like Tinsley and am so sad for her. The death of a dream and what you thought/wanted your life to be is heartbreaking.

I really wish she would get some intensive therapy and I think it would be wonderful if she started her own non-profit or worked for a non-profit. It would give her meaning and purpose which would help with her self-esteem and sense of worth.

[TeeMo]

5 hours ago, Hiyo said:

So...back to RHONY?

She is reposting a bunch of other people’s posts in her Instagram story about how she should go back to RHONY so I would not be surprised. 

[emmawoodhouse]

Isn't the next season already in the can? If she comes back, it'll be a while before we see her.

[Emmeline]

1 hour ago, ChitChat said:

Probably so.  She loves to be able to say "I told you so."   If so, put a sock in it, Dorinda.  Clip!  Clip!

Tinsley seems to have lots of fan support. Dorinda is already being slammed on social media for her remarks on Megan Markle.  If Dorinda says anything about Tinsley’s breakup, I’m sure the fans are going to go after Dorinda  in a negative way.  Of course that never stopped Dorinda in the past.

[Chit Chat]

3 minutes ago, Emmeline said:

 If Dorinda says anything about Tinsley’s breakup, I’m sure the fans are going to go after Dorinda  in a negative way.  Of course that never stopped Dorinda in the past.

My problem with how she treated Tinsley was that she was so unnecessarily mean to her.   It was just so uncalled for.   Dorinda can be one mean bitch.

[RedDelicious]

I can’t stand Meghan Markle but I thought it was Bethenny who went off on her not Dorinda. 

Most of the articles covering the breakup are highlighting Scott’s ultimatum (that nobody wanted to believe and/or defended), talking about all the things he took away from her like her job, her home, her friends, her chance to have children and a traditional family etc. And people thought he was such a knight in shining armor. Pfff. 

[Emmeline]

8 minutes ago, ChitChat said:

My problem with how she treated Tinsley was that she was so unnecessarily mean to her.   It was just so uncalled for.   Dorinda can be one mean bitch.

I recently rewatched the Apple Orchard episode and that was hard to see again.  The other ladies should be ashamed of themselves for letting Dorinda go off like that.  

[LemonSoda]

Heartbroken for Tinsley 

[divsc]

aww that's a good post by Leah!

 

lol Leah had to edit her post because people were reporting it for hate speech. I mean, I think she is allowed to hate on Scott for screwing over her friend! Well even if Scott were not totally to blame, I still think it's a good friend who has your back!

https://www.instagram.com/p/CMkxdxhj-NV/

[divsc]

https://pagesix.com/2021/03/18/tinsley-mortimers-pals-furious-scott-kluth-dumped-her-after-marriage-ultimatum/

[SuprSuprElevated]

Okay, here comes the devil's advocate.

I really like Tinsley, and enjoyed her on the show, but she is a 45-yr old woman who bears responsibility for her life.  If Scott has 'strung her along', and if Scott has treated her badly, then yes, that's on him, but she owes it to herself to not be an enabler/doormat.

It could be possible that Scott actually does love her, and wanted a life with her, but found her lack of maturity a recurring obstacle.  That's just one possibility.  He's a small town guy who bootstrapped (with a small investment from his mom) a business vs Tinsley who is an heiress and 'socialite' (not that there's anything wrong with that).  That's not to say that those two upbringings cannot mesh, but I can imagine it being a continual challenge.  

This isn't 1960, and she isn't required to be the dutiful girlfriend who 'goes along to get along'.  He might be a real asshat, but she made the choice.  Several times.

[Baltimore Betty]

2 hours ago, divsc said:

https://pagesix.com/2021/03/18/tinsley-mortimers-pals-furious-scott-kluth-dumped-her-after-marriage-ultimatum/

This is really interesting timing for me, just the other day I Googled Tins to see if she and Scott actually got married and now this shows up!

This business of breaking up and getting back together is sophmoric, Tins and Scott have restarted their relationship countless times and I will maintain when, as an adult your relationship ends, that person is your ex for a reason, you go back to that person and try to make it work and it doesn't, don't be surprised. There were fundamental things wrong with their relationship that would never change because that is who those people are, not that I am saying they are bad people they are just not suitable for each other. Move on, it will never work.

Gah, Dale must be in mourning.

Tins will stalk Scott on line till the day she dies.

 

[SweetieDarling]

I think he should give the Christmas stocking back. Then I think Tins should burn it. 

[divsc]

I don't understand why Scott felt the need to notify People Magazine and give a statement about the breakup. He's either a total dick for doing that or she was flat out refusing to acknowledge or accept reality that they had broken up and that was his way of getting through to her. Or maybe a little of both. It feels like this relationship was toxic and needed to end. But Scott who was so camera shy and media shy and wanted privacy goes to People??? 

I just feel for Tins. I think she knew Scott was never really all in, but she was so badly wanting to get on with the next phase of her life. It's so easy to see from the outside or for our friends, but when you're in the midst of it, it's hard to sometimes have that same clarity. And that toxic dynamic really is torture. He pulls away, she is shattered and just wants her "fix" back. It's like some kind of unhealthy attachment thing or something. I don't know. It just sucks.

[nexxie]

14 hours ago, Stats Queen said:

He does suck. I like Tinsley and am so sad for her. The death of a dream and what you thought/wanted your life to be is heartbreaking.

I really wish she would get some intensive therapy and I think it would be wonderful if she started her own non-profit or worked for a non-profit. It would give her meaning and purpose which would help with her self-esteem and sense of worth.

Therapy is a good idea - I suspect Tinsley was so desperate to make it work with Scott because of her mother’s values (money) and rules (no babies without a husband) - Tins needs to figure out who she is, and draw clear boundaries.

Edited March 19, 2021 by nexxie

[Emmeline]

22 hours ago, RedDelicious said:

I can’t stand Meghan Markle but I thought it was Bethenny who went off on her not Dorinda. 

It was Bethenny but her beastie Dorinda, jumped on board on Twitter to go along.

Edited March 20, 2021 by Emmeline

[RedDelicious]

7 minutes ago, Emmeline said:

It was Bethenny but the her beastie Dorinda, jumped on board on Twitter to go along.

This was all Dorinda said. I thought it was pretty vague and not that big of a deal.

[RedDelicious]

2 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Okay, here comes the devil's advocate.

I really like Tinsley, and enjoyed her on the show, but she is a 45-yr old woman who bears responsibility for her life.  If Scott has 'strung her along', and if Scott has treated her badly, then yes, that's on him, but she owes it to herself to not be an enabler/doormat.

It could be possible that Scott actually does love her, and wanted a life with her, but found her lack of maturity a recurring obstacle.  That's just one possibility.  He's a small town guy who bootstrapped (with a small investment from his mom) a business vs Tinsley who is an heiress and 'socialite' (not that there's anything wrong with that).  That's not to say that those two upbringings cannot mesh, but I can imagine it being a continual challenge.  

This isn't 1960, and she isn't required to be the dutiful girlfriend who 'goes along to get along'.  He might be a real asshat, but she made the choice.  Several times.

What kills me is this notion that she wanted the fairytale SO BADLY and everyone was so gung ho for her to live happily ever after with Scott who did treat her poorly IMO with his indecision and control and lack of commitment in the form of multiple breakups/heartbreaks. 

She has so much going for her in education, looks and I guess to some degree accomplishments not to mention financial resources the likes of which many of us do not know or will ever know. Yes she had her heart broken quite publicly, more than once. But really, who put her in that situation time and time again? She did. I'm very sorry that she's hurting but to some degree I feel like she doesn't have anyone to blame but herself. How many times does a man have to dump you for you to figure out he's not the right one? Or not even a good guy in the first place?

You can't force a relationship to work out just because you want it to, whether your goal is a husband or a baby or any other milestone. I've learned that as an adult, if a guy has dumped you once and tries to come crawling back with every excuse for his behavior in the book, that's all you need to know. Can't reheat the soup, can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. Girl, we all want the fairy tale in some form or another, but nobody gets everything they want. Not everything. 

I thought the ring was tacky anyway.  Too yellow to be white and too white to be canary.  She should sell it for the down payment on her own apartment.

[thesupremediva1]

15 hours ago, ChitChat said:

Probably so.  She loves to be able to say "I told you so."

That's Sonja, actually. I fear for what that bitch is saying about Tins and Scott right now. I wouldn't want any of it on camera. 

She posted pics of her dogs and Scott on V-Day. Hard to believe she did that if they were already living apart. Something is off here. For a man who bitched a lot about not wanting her publicity, he seems to have gone to People alone to make a statement. You think the least he could do is let her make the announcement on her own terms. 

I had a Scott in my life a decade ago. I loved him to pieces but we were on and off constantly, always trying to make it work. I couldn't do that at 40. My body literally and physically cannot handle that much tension and drama. If you can't stay stable in the early days, you can't expect smooth sailing through wedding planning, marriage, kids, etc. 

The sad thing - and why I'm fine with Tinsley having a go at him on her Insta story (it's both tragic and hilarious that she posted the SATC movie clip of Carrie beating Big with the bridal bouquet) - is that Scott will likely take up with a 22-year-old soon and marry her and have kids. And he'll spout some platitudes about Tins and she'll still be dealing with the fallout.

Tinsley should have cut Scott loose after breakup #1, sure. But he got her to move to Chicago and he proposed and clearly made her promises. He's not getting off "scott-free" on this one. There's a pathology to stringing a woman along for years, and if we're suggesting Tins get therapy, I think Scott needs it just as much if not more. 

[RedDelicious]

15 minutes ago, thesupremediva1 said:

My body literally and physically cannot handle that much tension and drama.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

[Ms Blue Jay]

39 minutes ago, thesupremediva1 said:

She posted pics of her dogs and Scott on V-Day. Hard to believe she did that if they were already living apart. Something is off here. For a man who bitched a lot about not wanting her publicity, he seems to have gone to People alone to make a statement. You think the least he could do is let her make the announcement on her own terms. 

I love your entire post @thesupremediva1.

People on Twitter are laughing at Scott asking for privacy, as if anybody gives a shit about him in the first place?

[SuprSuprElevated]

1 hour ago, RedDelicious said:

I thought the ring was tacky anyway.  Too yellow to be white and too white to be canary.  She should sell it for the down payment on her own apartment.

Judge Judy (my bestie in my head) would tell you that an engagement ring is a "gift in contemplation of marriage", and as such, gets returned to the giver, regardless of the reason for the break, or who the breaker was.  According to the many cases I've seen her arbitrate about engagement rings, they are not treated as standard gifts.  Whether or not Scott Kluth asks for it back, would probably depend on whatever level of animosity exists now or will exist in the foreseeable future.  She may have returned it, or will on her own, but I can't see that happening for some reason.  

[Starlight925]

I've always felt that Tinsley was frozen in time.  That she still thought of herself as this 18 year-old post-debutante, pre-sorority girl, the girl whose Prince Charming was always "just around the corner".

A psychological age, rather than a chronological age.  Peter Pan in reverse.

She's spent her adult life even looking like that little girl, with poufy sleeves, and a surgeon making her nose tinier and tinier.  

She's never lived as an adult on her own.  Moved in with "Big Sister Sonja", then to a hotel.  Has she ever shopped for furniture?  Made out a budget?  Had to decipher an EOB from a medical procedure?

She's always reminded me of the Lily Tomlin character from the old Laugh-In, where she was a little girl.  She was of course an adult, so she sat in a giant chair.  I always envision Tinsley like this, especially around Dale.

Yes, she made an adult decision to move to Chicago to live out her "fairy tale", but I don't think we're dealing with an adult, psychologically speaking.  Intelligent, absolutely.  But emotionally, still a teenager.

Either way, I feel terrible for her.  What a jerk he is.

Edited March 19, 2021 by Starlight925

[Baltimore Betty]

4 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Either way, I feel terrible for her.  What a jerk he is.

I don't feel sorry for her, if she uses this experience as a life lesson that when someone shows you who they are, believe them.  This was not out of the blue behavior for Scott, she had experienced a break up or two with him yet went back for more.  Maybe she should put on her big girl panties and take care of herself now.  

[Scout Finch]

3 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

She's always reminded me of the Lily Tomlin character from the old Laugh-In, where she was a little girl.  She was of course an adult, so she sat in a giant chair.  I always envision Tinsley like this, especially around Dale.

Edith Ann.

[LibertarianSlut]

7 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

I don't feel sorry for her, if she uses this experience as a life lesson that when someone shows you who they are, believe them.  This was not out of the blue behavior for Scott, she had experienced a break up or two with him yet went back for more.  Maybe she should put on her big girl panties and take care of herself now.  

This is completely where I come out on it too.  I save my pity for widows and orphans.  If she was my friend IRL, I’d be there for her, but since she’s not, I feel I can be objective about this and say that I don’t feel sorry for someone who designed their own destruction. 

This is not different from Luann and Tom for me.  I don’t feel sorry for her if she couldn’t see this coming.  Or maybe I do feel sorry for her, but in a mental health way, not “he screwed you, sister” way.  

I have hesitated to post about Tinsley in the past because I was afraid that disliking her would make me look like I was jealous of what she had, which couldn’t be further from the truth, but now that there is nothing to even inspire jealousy, I feel a little like Lincoln saving the Emancipation Proclamation for after Antietam—I think the truth, as I see it, may be appreciated more now.

First of all, since this is the Tinsley thread, and not the Tinsley and Scott thread, I have reviewed the copious notes I have made about her over the years, and she was not always nice by a long shot.  She soiled Ramona’s bedsheets, and instead of trying to make it nice, she insulted the quality of the sheets and kept it moving.  That horrifies me.  When she wasn’t crying, having a tantrum, or throwing herself on the floor, I guess she had good manners, but when she was drunk, she was mean.  She wasn’t only mean to Luann in Miami, she was mean to Luann in Mexico for worrying about being in Page Six, which is the exact thing Tinsley fell all over herself crying about.  How about schooling Luann about how wrong it was to say “Palm Beach” when she meant “West Palm Beach” in front of a table full of women?  If Luann had schooled Tinsley that way, she would never hear the end of what a snob she was (and BTW Tinsley, West Palm Beach is in Palm Beach, so...).  She was also sober and mean in season 12 when Ramona had the audacity to attempt to elevate herself, and Tinsley pissed all over it, and wondered whether Ramona was trying to be another Sonja, which, she ain’t wearing diapers on the Hampton Jitney, so my guess would be no? 🤔

Tinsley also made fun of a guy she was set up with on a date who didn’t drink.  That seems like low character to me—the opposite of how she is portrayed.  She was insecure and immature to me, and she kept getting piled on, but she kept re-upping her contract for the show, so how much did she really hate it at the end of the day?  At least Luann had some moxie.  With Tinsley, I just see someone insecure and immature.  

Tinsley had big balls twice while she was on the franchise—at the season 12 reunion and in season 9, when they were in Mexico.  The common denominator?  Both times, she was on the cusp of leaving town to be with Scott, so she finally said what was on her mind. That is like the timid mail sorter who gets fired and says “fuck you” to everyone on their way out.  Not so ballsy if you think about it.  Jules had balls that Tinsley never showed when she yelled at Queen B at the reunion that she was hurting people.  Tinsley only went for Dorinda when she knew she’d have backup.  

All I saw over her tenure on the show was a child.  I have no love lost for Bethenny, but she had a job to do, which was getting into cast members’ business to some extent, and when they were in Vermont and Bethenny asked Tinsley what is going on with her living situation and Tinsley lost it and screamed “give me a fucking second!,” and then had a meltdown, it was reminiscent of who Bethenny would go on to be, and I realized we were not playing with a woman with a full deck, and I didn’t see the benign, sweet being she was playing on TV.  Plus, who amongst us wouldn’t be benign if we were living in a $30,000 a month hotel suite?  If I saw Tinsley struggle with something real and come up the victor, I might have seen what she was made of something I could respect.  I think a lot of what is portrayed as her not getting into the fray is that she had the name Tinsley Mortimer, so she could sit there and look at her nail polish, and I think her lack of focus on the show is often mistaken as being above the fray.  

Tinsley was not articulate.  She said “like” at every juncture, and she was often at a loss for words, and that’s hard for me to understand for someone who has what is supposed to be have a myriad of businesses and Ivy League education.  (I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt that the college she attended at Columbia was in the Ivy League).  I think her brain was pickled with alcohol, like an early Sonja, because I saw her on America’s Next Top Model pimping her handbag line several years before she came on the show, and she was much more articulate.  This is not someone to be celebrated for that reason alone IMO.  This is someone who should perhaps be guided away from reality TV and toward a staff of really good mental health professionals.  I don’t like when the host of the reunion has to step in to advocate for a cast member (Andy for Tinsley, reunion 11) because she can’t or won’t do it for herself.  That’s an unbalanced equation to me.  

She did not have to come on this show after the Fanjul shit happened.  She could have gone out west, far away from Florida, and gotten herself some damned help (UCLA has an excellent dual diagnosis outpatient program).  Instead, she headed north to re-invent herself as “a little socialite” (which was her plan all along and part of the reason her second marriage to Topper failed, according to publicist R. Couri Hay) while her trust was still frozen, which is why she had to shack up with Sonja.  I will never not think it is crass to market yourself and your mug shot fresh off of an arrest that was associated with a violent situation.  I thought it was uncool when Luann did it too, so I’m not having selective outrage here.  

Tinsley did not have to film scenes with the oppressive Dale.  Again, she could have gone somewhere (if not LA, somewhere in Utah or Vancouver) to learn adulting skills and independence.  She went away to boarding school.  She had over two and a half decades to become her own person, and she chose not to exercise them, just like she chose not to have children without a partner.  Dale wasn’t some Svengali that had a spell over Tinsley.  Tinsley got married behind Dale’s back—if she wanted a child, she could have pulled the trigger on the eggs, potentially with a gestational surrogate.  Or she could have at least looked into adoption. 

Onto Scott, and why I quoted the post I did, didn’t Maya Angelou warn us that “when someone tells you who they are, believe them”?   When Tinsley met Scott, she was not just drunk, but wasted.  She slurred to him she was really skinny for her 35th birthday in Vegas and then dropped a ring from her ex in a glass.  That’s not how too many love stories begin.  But this is how she began shit not just with Scott, but with Chad and the guy Bethenny set her up with in Miami...and she wonders why these situations don’t work out??  She also told a therapist, before she met Scott, that she wanted a WASP-y man like her dad who didn’t have to work, and then in the same episode, she told Bethenny that she was over WASPs and any future man in her life would need to have a job.  If she didn’t know what she wanted, how was she ever going to get it?  So I never saw this as a fairytale—I saw this as a Mack truck going off a cliff—so it is hard for me to summon an emotion for her now that this turned out exactly the way I predicted.  

Tinsley just always struck me as such a victim, but this is not a fairytale, this is New York (kind of like how when Jill was gossiping, Alex was in Brooklyn 😃).  It is great if a woman finds a Prince Charming, but I am not someone who is going to buy into the narrative that a woman needs a Prince Charming to save her.  I am more of the Sex and the City school of thought, and that did not come without my own hard knocks and hard-learned lessons, but having had those painful experiences, it makes my sympathy for Tinsley very short by nature.  

It was crystal clear to me that Scott (who was a half a decade younger, and that probably should have come into the equation) was pulling all of the strings.  He was into playing with her at the beginning (their first date lasted five days) and then he lost interest and she didn’t get the memo and it was almost painful to watch.  This was not her first rodeo—she had two goes at it with Topper and then the shit with Fanjul, but she didn’t decide to look before she leaped, so this happened.  It’s cause and effect.  It’s the chain of events that Stevie Wonder could have seen.  What we want and what we have are often two very different things.  I’m short on patience for a woman who should have known this. 

Dorinda revealed that Tinsley had been to Niagara Falls with Scott at her tea party.  Tinsley was so appalled that the info got out because she was sure things weren’t going to work out.  The next week Tinsley was off to Chicago to be with Scott because if she didn’t take the opportunity “now” she may never get it again.  How is that healthy in any way, shape or form?  To be sure a relationship is DOA one week, and to move halfway across the country to be with him the next?  All I see there is dysfunction.  She told Andy at one of the early reunions that Scott was seeing other people and she had to be mature about this.  I’ve said this before—if a man really wants a woman, he will move heaven and earth to be with her, and it was apparent that this was not happening here, and if she didn’t see it, I don’t know what to say.  I guess I can say “I’m sorry,” but in a very global way, not in a personal way.  I’m not sorry other than to say, if I were casting the die, I’d give her a happy marriage and a healthy husband, but I have nothing to do with it.  Luann went through divorce twice and Ramona went through it (all three times on camera) but they had a game plan, so I felt more positive feelings toward them, even if they weren’t perfect in the way they handled their situations either.  

Tinsley makes me uncomfortable with her helplessness, I don’t think she’s a victim, and I think she was given so many passes, and many because she looked like a frail doll, which makes me highly uncomfortable.  I think people should be judged on their spirt and character and not how, I guess, cute their outfits or their curls are <shivers at what I see as an attempt to manipulate the audience’s sympathy through her childlike looks>.  I think Tinsley got to slide on a lot of things over the course of four seasons because of her “look” and I find that kind of disturbing.  Dale may have created this, but anyone at any time has the right to change their mind and break out of the mold, even if they need help.  The day that Tinsley puts it out there in public that she’s been living life incorrectly is the day I will have human feelings for her (she puts everything else out there publicly, so why not?  Tell that to Page Six and then step away from the spotlight.  Also, if it’s not public, I wouldn’t hear about it as I don’t know her IRL, so I can’t speak to that). 

Tinsley was quoted in an article many months ago saying that Scott was more controlling than anyone else she’d ever dated (paraphrasing), but why is she telling the press that, and not a therapist?  They broke up the day after Bethenny dared Tinsley to call him on camera, even though Tinsley didn’t rise to the occasion.  I mean, how private is this guy if he was willing to show up on Bravo as a blind date and Carole’s friend?  He obviously wasn’t that private; it seems like he was mostly private when it came to Tinsley, like he is some kind of Stephanie Tanner from Full House circa 1990 with her “secret boyfriend.”  Like, that is not a huge warning sign?  He wasn’t so private that he couldn’t star in Coupon Cabin commercials with Adam.  I mean, WTF?  

But I don’t place the blame with Scott—slavery is over, no one was putting a gun to her head to stay.  She could have left and stayed gone until he made serious concessions, of which there is no evidence.  Sure, he proposed.  The difference between a woman with an engagement ring and a woman without one is nothing in the eyes of the law.  Men on Marriage Bootcamp and various other reality shows do this all the time—they have a “fiancée” of five-plus years. So I just never saw this move to Scott for Scott as some grand gesture on his part.  It seemed like same old, same old, so I was not excited, nor was I optimistic (except for my own selfish reasons that she was finally off the show) when she went off to be with him.  Bottom line, he was just not that into her.  I predicted at the time that Tinsley would come back onto the show trying to make yet another New York comeback “once this thing with Scott goes tits-up.”  

Of course I hope to be wrong—I hope this thing was just a big misunderstanding and Scott or someone else comes along to sweep her off her feet with an even bigger and better story (as long as I don’t have to keep seeing it in the news).  I’m just not buying it until I see a change in her.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.  Grow up, get serious help, and get out of the public eye for a really good chunk of time, is my best advice to her.  Own your life.  Run your own race.  As soon as she stops needing a man to define her, that man that is right for her may very well show up.  But she has to be willing to recognize this man.  The fact that she looked down on someone who didn’t drink as a potential date showed me that she had a whole hell of a lot of work to do.  That’s not bad, that’s just a prescription.  And she doesn’t have to listen to me, as I am nobody, but I have turned many facets of my life around and seen it pay off in spades.  I see no signs that Tinsley is prepared to do this (how long did it take her to stop with the curls and cut her hair, as Carole recommended 100 years ago?), so she’ll keep going on her track, I’ll keep going on mine, and I guess that’s about all I’ve got to say about that.  

ETA—Tinsley had two failed marriages with Topper, but only one divorce, so I fixed that, as I don’t want what I think is a thoughtful argument to fall on one misstatement of fact. 

Edited March 20, 2021 by LibertarianSlut
Clarity

[divsc]

https://pagesix.com/2021/03/19/scott-kluth-attempted-to-break-up-with-tinsley-mortimer-for-months/

EXCLUSIVE

Scott Kluth attempted to ‘communicate’ split to Tinsley Mortimer for months

[RedDelicious]

Bra-vo @LibertarianSlut. It’s great to have you back! 

[biakbiak]

Dale clearly should have held off on making his stocking. 

[Baltimore Betty]

11 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

This is completely where I come out on it too.  I save my pity for widows and orphans.  If she was my friend IRL, I’d be there for her, but since she’s not, I feel I can be objective about this and say that I don’t feel sorry for someone who designed their own destruction. 

This is not different from Luann and Tom for me.  I don’t feel sorry for her if she couldn’t see this coming.  Or maybe I do feel sorry for her, but in a mental health way, not “he screwed you, sister” way.  

I have hesitated to post about Tinsley in the past because I was afraid that disliking her would make me look like I was jealous of what she had, which couldn’t be further from the truth, but now that there is nothing to even inspire jealousy, I feel a little like Lincoln saving the Emancipation Proclamation for after Antietam—I think the truth, as I see it, may be appreciated more now.

First of all, since this is the Tinsley thread, and not the Tinsley and Scott thread, I have reviewed the copious notes I have made about her over the years, and she was not always nice by a long shot.  She soiled Ramona’s bedsheets, and instead of trying to make it nice, she insulted the quality of the sheets and kept it moving.  That horrifies me.  When she wasn’t crying, having a tantrum, or throwing herself on the floor, I guess she had good manners, but when she was drunk, she was mean.  She wasn’t only mean to Luann in Miami, she was mean to Luann in Mexico for worrying about being in Page Six, which is the exact thing Tinsley fell all over herself crying about.  How about schooling Luann about how wrong it was to say “Palm Beach” when she meant “West Palm Beach” in front of a table full of women?  If Luann had schooled Tinsley that way, she would never hear the end of what a snob she was (and BTW Tinsley, West Palm Beach is in Palm Beach, so...).  She was also sober and mean in season 12 when Ramona had the audacity to attempt to elevate herself, and Tinsley pissed all over it, and wondered whether Ramona was trying to be another Sonja, which, she ain’t wearing diapers on the Hampton Jitney, so my guess would be no? 🤔

Tinsley also made fun of a guy she was set up with on a date who didn’t drink.  That seems like low character to me—the opposite of how she is portrayed.  She was insecure and immature to me, and she kept getting piled on, but she kept re-upping her contract for the show, so how much did she really hate it at the end of the day?  At least Luann had some moxie.  With Tinsley, I just see someone insecure and immature.  

Tinsley had big balls twice while she was on the franchise—at the season 12 reunion and in season 9, when they were in Mexico.  The common denominator?  Both times, she was on the cusp of leaving town to be with Scott, so she finally said what was on her mind. That is like the timid mail sorter who gets fired and says “fuck you” to everyone on their way out.  Not so ballsy if you think about it.  Jules had balls that Tinsley never showed when she yelled at Queen B at the reunion that she was hurting people.  Tinsley only went for Dorinda when she knew she’d have backup.  

All I saw over her tenure on the show was a child.  I have no love lost for Bethenny, but she had a job to do, which was getting into cast members’ business to some extent, and when they were in Vermont and Bethenny asked Tinsley what is going on with her living situation and Tinsley lost it and screamed “give me a fucking second!,” and then had a meltdown, it was reminiscent of who Bethenny would go on to be, and I realized we were not playing with a woman with a full deck, and I didn’t see the benign, sweet being she was playing on TV.  Plus, who amongst us wouldn’t be benign if we were living in a $30,000 a month hotel suite?  If I saw Tinsley struggle with something real and come up the victor, I might have seen what she was made of something I could respect.  I think a lot of what is portrayed as her not getting into the fray is that she had the name Tinsley Mortimer, so she could sit there and look at her nail polish, and I think her lack of focus on the show is often mistaken as being above the fray.  

Tinsley was not articulate.  She said “like” at every juncture, and she was often at a loss for words, and that’s hard for me to understand for someone who has what is supposed to be have a myriad of businesses and Ivy League education.  (I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt that the college she attended at Columbia was in the Ivy League).  I think her brain was pickled with alcohol, like an early Sonja, because I saw her on America’s Next Top Model pimping her handbag line several years before she came on the show, and she was much more articulate.  This is not someone to be celebrated for that reason alone IMO.  This is someone who should perhaps be guided away from reality TV and toward a staff of really good mental health professionals.  I don’t like when the host of the reunion has to step in to advocate for a cast member (Andy for Tinsley, reunion 11) because she can’t or won’t do it for herself.  That’s an unbalanced equation to me.  

She did not have to come on this show after the Fanjul shit happened.  She could have gone out west, far away from Florida, and gotten herself some damned help (UCLA has an excellent dual diagnosis outpatient program).  Instead, she headed north to re-invent herself as “a little socialite” (which was her plan all along and part of the reason her second marriage to Topper failed, according to publicist R. Couri Hay) while her trust was still frozen, which is why she had to shack up with Sonja.  I will never not think it is crass to market yourself and your mug shot fresh off of an arrest that was associated with a violent situation.  I thought it was uncool when Luann did it too, so I’m not having selective outrage here.  

Tinsley did not have to film scenes with the oppressive Dale.  Again, she could have gone somewhere (if not LA, somewhere in Utah or Vancouver) to learn adulting skills and independence.  She went away to boarding school.  She had over two and a half decades to become her own person, and she chose not to exercise them, just like she chose not to have children without a partner.  Dale wasn’t some Svengali that had a spell over Tinsley.  Tinsley got married behind Dale’s back—if she wanted a child, she could have pulled the trigger on the eggs, potentially with a gestational surrogate.  Or she could have at least looked into adoption. 

Onto Scott, and why I quoted the post I did, didn’t Maya Angelou warn us that “when someone tells you who they are, believe them”?   When Tinsley met Scott, she was not just drunk, but wasted.  She slurred to him she was really skinny for her 35th birthday in Vegas and then dropped a ring from her ex in a glass.  That’s not how too many love stories begin.  But this is how she began shit not just with Scott, but with Chad and the guy Bethenny set her up with in Miami...and she wonders why these situations don’t work out??  She also told a therapist, before she met Scott, that she wanted a WASP-y man like her dad who didn’t have to work, and then in the same episode, she told Bethenny that she was over WASPs and any future man in her life would need to have a job.  If she didn’t know what she wanted, how was she ever going to get it?  So I never saw this as a fairytale—I saw this as a Mack truck going off a cliff—so it is hard for me to summon an emotion for her now that this turned out exactly the way I predicted.  

Tinsley just always struck me as such a victim, but this is not a fairytale, this is New York (kind of like how when Jill was gossiping, Alex was in Brooklyn 😃).  It is great if a woman finds a Prince Charming, but I am not someone who is going to buy into the narrative that a woman needs a Prince Charming to save her.  I am more of the Sex and the City school of thought, and that did not come without my own hard knocks and hard-learned lessons, but having had those painful experiences, it makes my sympathy for Tinsley very short by nature.  

It was crystal clear to me that Scott (who was a half a decade younger, and that probably should have come into the equation) was pulling all of the strings.  He was into playing with her at the beginning (their first date lasted five days) and then he lost interest and she didn’t get the memo and it was almost painful to watch.  This was not her first rodeo—she had two goes at it with Topper and then the shit with Fanjul, but she didn’t decide to look before she leaped, so this happened.  It’s cause and effect.  It’s the chain of events that Stevie Wonder could have seen.  What we want and what we have are often two very different things.  I’m short on patience for a woman who should have known this. 

Dorinda revealed that Tinsley had been to Niagara Falls with Scott at her tea party.  Tinsley was so appalled that the info got out because she was sure things weren’t going to work out.  The next week Tinsley was off to Chicago to be with Scott because if she didn’t take the opportunity “now” she may never get it again.  How is that healthy in any way, shape or form?  To be sure a relationship is DOA one week, and to move halfway across the country to be with him the next?  All I see there is dysfunction.  She told Andy at one of the early reunions that Scott was seeing other people and she had to be mature about this.  I’ve said this before—if a man really wants a woman, he will move heaven and earth to be with her, and it was apparent that this was not happening here, and if she didn’t see it, I don’t know what to say.  I guess I can say “I’m sorry,” but in a very global way, not in a personal way.  I’m not sorry other than to say, if I were casting the die, I’d give her a happy marriage and a healthy husband, but I have nothing to do with it.  Luann went through divorce twice and Ramona went through it (all three times on camera) but they had a game plan, so I felt more positive feelings toward them, even if they weren’t perfect in the way they handled their situations either.  

Tinsley makes me uncomfortable with her helplessness, I don’t think she’s a victim, and I think she was given so many passes, and many because she looked like a frail doll, which makes me highly uncomfortable.  I think people should be judged on their spirt and character and not how, I guess, cute their outfits or their curls are <shivers at what I see as an attempt to manipulate the audience’s sympathy through her childlike looks>.  I think Tinsley got to slide on a lot of things over the course of four seasons because of her “look” and I find that kind of disturbing.  Dale may have created this, but anyone at any time has the right to change their mind and break out of the mold, even if they need help.  The day that Tinsley puts it out there in public that she’s been living life incorrectly is the day I will have human feelings for her (she puts everything else out there publicly, so why not?  Tell that to Page Six and then step away from the spotlight.  Also, if it’s not public, I wouldn’t hear about it as I don’t know her IRL, so I can’t speak to that). 

Tinsley was quoted in an article many months ago saying that Scott was more controlling than anyone else she’d ever dated (paraphrasing), but why is she telling the press that, and not a therapist?  They broke up the day after Bethenny dared Tinsley to call him on camera, even though Tinsley didn’t rise to the occasion.  I mean, how private is this guy if he was willing to show up on Bravo as a blind date and Carole’s friend?  He obviously wasn’t that private; it seems like he was mostly private when it came to Tinsley, like he is some kind of Stephanie Tanner from Full House circa 1990 with her “secret boyfriend.”  Like, that is not a huge warning sign?  He wasn’t so private that he couldn’t star in Coupon Cabin commercials with Adam.  I mean, WTF?  

But I don’t place the blame with Scott—slavery is over, no one was putting a gun to her head to stay.  She could have left and stayed gone until he made serious concessions, of which there is no evidence.  Sure, he proposed.  The difference between a woman with an engagement ring and a woman without one is nothing in the eyes of the law.  Men on Marriage Bootcamp and various other reality shows do this all the time—they have a “fiancée” of five-plus years. So I just never saw this move to Scott for Scott as some grand gesture on his part.  It seemed like same old, same old, so I was not excited, nor was I optimistic (except for my own selfish reasons that she was finally off the show) when she went off to be with him.  Bottom line, he was just not that into her.  I predicted at the time that Tinsley would come back onto the show trying to make yet another New York comeback “once this thing with Scott goes tits-up.”  

Of course I hope to be wrong—I hope this thing was just a big misunderstanding and Scott or someone else comes along to sweep her off her feet with an even bigger and better story (as long as I don’t have to keep seeing it in the news).  I’m just not buying it until I see a change in her.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.  Grow up, get serious help, and get out of the public eye for a really good chunk of time, is my best advice to her.  Own your life.  Run your own race.  As soon as she stops needing a man to define her, that man that is right for her may very well show up.  But she has to be willing to recognize this man.  The fact that she looked down on someone who didn’t drink as a potential date showed me that she had a whole hell of a lot of work to do.  That’s not bad, that’s just a prescription.  And she doesn’t have to listen to me, as I am nobody, but I have turned many facets of my life around and seen it pay off in spades.  I see no signs that Tinsley is prepared to do this (how long did it take her to stop with the curls and cut her hair, as Carole recommended 100 years ago?), so she’ll keep going on her track, I’ll keep going on mine, and I guess that’s about all I’ve got to say about that.  

ETA—Tinsley had two failed marriages with Topper, but only one divorce, so I fixed that, as I don’t want what I think is a thoughtful argument to fall on one misstatement of fact. 

You had me at "hello." 

Tinsley will never fully have control over her own life, her money is controlled by Big Mama Dale and her self worth is wrapped up in who she is in a relationship with. 

She is a cautionary tale.

 

[HunterHunted]

16 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

I've always felt that Tinsley was frozen in time.  That she still thought of herself as this 18 year-old post-debutante, pre-sorority girl, the girl whose Prince Charming was always "just around the corner".

A psychological age, rather than a chronological age.  Peter Pan in reverse.

She's spent her adult life even looking like that little girl, with poufy sleeves, and a surgeon making her nose tinier and tinier.  

She's never lived as an adult on her own.  Moved in with "Big Sister Sonja", then to a hotel.  Has she ever shopped for furniture?  Made out a budget?  Had to decipher an EOB from a medical procedure?

She's always reminded me of the Lily Tomlin character from the old Laugh-In, where she was a little girl.  She was of course an adult, so she sat in a giant chair.  I always envision Tinsley like this, especially around Dale.

Yes, she made an adult decision to move to Chicago to live out her "fairy tale", but I don't think we're dealing with an adult, psychologically speaking.  Intelligent, absolutely.  But emotionally, still a teenager.

Either way, I feel terrible for her.  What a jerk he is.

The big issue is that when Tinsley started dating Topper at 14 or 15, the Mercers were clearly pushing Tinsley to lock that shit down. I suspect a large part of her life was devoted to achieving her MRS. Emotionally she got stuck and stagnated. Even after she and Topper separated, Tinsley didn't reset to a woman in her 30s; she reset to her teens. Since then, she's been slowly progressing. Emotionally she's still in her 20s. It's how she managed to miss every warning sign with Scott.

[Starlight925]

56 minutes ago, HunterHunted said:

The big issue is that when Tinsley started dating Topper at 14 or 15, the Mercers were clearly pushing Tinsley to lock that shit down. I suspect a large part of her life was devoted to achieving her MRS. Emotionally she got stuck and stagnated. Even after she and Topper separated, Tinsley didn't reset to a woman in her 30s; she reset to her teens. Since then, she's been slowly progressing. Emotionally she's still in her 20s. It's how she managed to miss every warning sign with Scott.

1000%.

You took the words out of my mouth, re:  Tinsley looking for her Mrs. Degree.  I actually remembered that I meant to add that to my original post.  And that Dale pushed her down the aisle.

I can so relate.  I was shoved down the aisle by my Dale of a mother to the "paper perfect guy" as a junior in college.  She planned the entire wedding; at one point, I made a suggestion, and she said, "This is MY wedding!".  I just showed up for 250 people I had hardly ever met, ate some cake, and quietly divorced 2 years later.  My Dale wouldn't speak to me for 6 months, as it "looked bad" that I divorced someone "so perfect".  That I never loved.  So I can totally relate to Tinsley.

I did the exact same things as Tinsley right after my divorce:  wrong guy after wrong guy, let myself get strung along, and yes, I got overly emotional, once hiding in my car one street over to watch for a guy to come home from a trip.   

But the biggest thing I did?  Distanced myself from my Dale.  Instead of talking once a day, I became really "busy" with my career, that I heavily focused on (another difference).  Traveled a ton for work.  Eventually settled into once-a-week Sunday phone calls, catching up, gotta go, love ya, bye!  

Tinsley will never grow unless she does these things:  Therapy.  (I have done a ton of therapy, which has helped).  Put space between her & Dale (even texting "space" counts).  Something that will fulfill her professionally, career, charitable, etc.

Edited March 20, 2021 by Starlight925

[SuprSuprElevated]

Revisit a Tinsley primer -

townandcountrymag.com/society/a5858/tinsley-mortimer

[Hiyo]

Even with all of that, I still feel a bit bad for her.

[Jextella]

I really like Tinsley, but in relationships, it takes two to tango. 

I think Tinsley needs to learn to accept life on her own and not to look for fulfillment through a man and marriage. That's easier said than done, though especially for those who have aspired to those things all along. 

I agree with all who have said that intensive therapy could help her.

I also wonder if Tinsely should consider motherhood on her own. I think she'd be a great parent, and it might bring that sense of "family" she is looking for - just without the man.

 

 

Edited March 21, 2021 by Jextella

[SuprSuprElevated]

2 hours ago, Hiyo said:

Even with all of that, I still feel a bit bad for her.

Absolutely.  I wasn't posting it as justification for being treated badly, more of a background.  Despite her privileged (I've come to hate this word) upbringing, she has actually accomplished...stuff.

[StevenGuy]

On 12/11/2019 at 5:51 PM, KungFuBunny said:

I'll preface this by saying I really like Tinsley for this show. She's a cupcake - lots of fluffy frosting and she's sweet - but not much substance. She's definitely the kindest of the group and the least "malicious"

However, I don't think Scott will marry her. I see this as the "continuation" of her created narrative/story line. She and Scott have been together for 3 years and were more off than on. Next season, instead of being her on/off boyfriend, he'll be her on/off fiance.

Tinsley won't leave NY - she needs the money.

I was looking for this exact quote from KungFuBunny since I always thought you were so spot on about Tinsley and didn’t mince words when it came to her “inheritance”. I remember reading it around the time she got engaged and thinking it was prescient. 

Fast forward to today when I found out the news about Tinsley. Like another poster, I figured she and Scott maybe more stable at this point. Nope. Though I forgot the part about Scott being an “on again/ off again fiancée”, I just remember the part where he will never marry her. KungfuBunny, you maybe right, they maybe off and on engaged? This merry go round may circle back again. I suspect Scott found someone else who he will eventually marry and have kids with. 

[wallies]

I called their breakup back in Sept on the Reunion 1 message board. It's never better the 2nd time around in my humble experience. Sure there may be some exceptions, but in general retreads just don't work.

[wallies]

Oh, and one more thing - watch Scott over the next year. So many men string along a woman for years only to marry the next one in 6-12 months. Happens all the time.

[RedDelicious]

I always she was fooling herself with this “I want Scott, Scott is what I want” thing. I never saw her giving up the surname Mortimer or even her maiden name Mercer to become....Tinsley Kluth. And you can’t really marry for the second time and keep your first husband’s name. Or take your maiden name back when you’ve been known by your other husband’s name for decades. I mean I guess one can do whatever one wants to but still. She was never going to be Tinsley Kluth.

 

[Happy Camper]

Love her or not, Tinsley is just a woman who wanted happiness with her man. Not the worst behavior we have seen. Maybe a bit immature, maybe she was a little silly. At least she isn't a mean drunk like Dorinda. I never saw Tinsley go after anyone on the show like Dorinda did with her. If given the choice in friends, I would choose immature over just plain mean. 

When I heard Dorinda's phone call with John, that told me all I need to know about her.  What a drunken mess.

I thought that Tinsley's falling down to the floor reaction to Scott showing up at her place was goofy and dramatic.

Comparing Dorinda's weird rage against Tinsley with her "Sorry I'm not apart of that," Dorinda said. "I will not give Tinsley that.  F--- you. I won't. Tinsley almost ruined our show. You're going to give a toast to Tinsley who left the show and breached her contract and left over nothing. You don't mention her name."

Um, how did Tinsley almost ruin the show? Such a weird and over the top comment. So glad Dorinda is gone. Tinsley almost ruined the show and yet Bethenny quit the day before filming was to begin and Dorinda is still besties with her? How does that make sense?

 

[RedDelicious]

55 minutes ago, Happy Camper said:

At least she isn't a mean drunk like Dorinda.

She’s got a bunch of police reports with her name on them that state otherwise 😬 

[biakbiak]

17 hours ago, RedDelicious said:

She’s got a bunch of police reports with her name on them that state otherwise 😬 

At least one of them was after her boyfriend assaulted her and she got arrested but sure! 

[RedDelicious]

3 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

At least one of them was after her boyfriend assaulted her and she got arrested but sure! 

But the interesting thing is after that incident, her lawyers had to work out a deal with the attorney general where she had to agree not to contact him and she had to agree to stay away from his house and his parents house in order for the charges against her to be dropped and for the case not to go to trial 😳

[biakbiak]

3 minutes ago, RedDelicious said:

But the interesting thing is after that incident, her lawyers had to work out a deal with the attorney general where she had to agree not to contact him and she had to agree to stay away from his house and his parents house in order for the charges against her to be dropped and for the case not to go to trial 😳

Yep it is crazy interesting how fucked up our justice system is!

[Chit Chat]

22 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

Yep it is crazy interesting how fucked up our justice system is!

And how powerful some people like her ex-boyfriend and family actually are, and the pull they have in the judicial system.  

[RedDelicious]

The time she was admitted to the hospital and got staples in her head, she went back to his house less than a week later. Hid in a bedroom I believe but I don’t recall the exact details. What in the actual f*ck, what was she doing there and why wasn’t there a PFA on both counts? Where the F was her mother?

I knew she was unstable but I didn’t realize how unstable until I started reading about her life post-Topper and pre-RHoNY. I don’t think signing with Bravo was the best decision she could have made and I really hope for the sake of her mental health she doesn’t get a new contract. A couple other posters mentioned they wouldn’t want her to return so she could spend an entire new season crying her eyes out about Scott, and I agree.

This business about him trying to communicate the breakup to her for several months is interesting considering her past behavior. I hope she gets the help she needs.