S05.E03: Cynthia's Story

[notyrmomma]

11 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

What bothered me the most was that she kept saying she was doing it for her kids. Now, I am a mother to 3 (2 living, 1 deceased). My kids mean everything to me. However, as a woman, I am also multi-faceted and a complex being. I have interests and relationships outside of my children (husband, friends, networking people, etc.). I think that looking at her kids as inspiration for her positive changes was a GOOD thing, but the codependency there was starting to send up signals to me. She almost snapped at her friends for insinuating that it was good for her to be out to dinner with them instead of sitting at home. What is she going to do when her kids have all moved out of the home? When they have lives of their own? How will she maintain any positive changes she's made when they are no longer her whole world? Will she be able to adapt to a life without them? I'll admit it, I fight for my health partly because of my kids and because I want to remain here on earth with them. However, I also do it for ME. She needs to start doing things for herself as well. I believe there are some self-esteem issues there and she's deflecting by focusing on her children. That is something that could be brought up in therapy.

I find that people who say that everything they do is "for the kids," the truth is usually the opposite.  People who genuinely do everything for other people and not themselves usually don't realize that this is what they are doing.  It's pretty much like she wants to be the martyr.  

[mamadrama]

3 minutes ago, notyrmomma said:

I find that people who say that everything they do is "for the kids," the truth is usually the opposite.  People who genuinely do everything for other people and not themselves usually don't realize that this is what they are doing.  It's pretty much like she wants to be the martyr.  

You are so right. It's like those who proclaim that they are "too nice" and are always "doing things for other people." Those are really both value judgments that must be made by other people-not something one should place upon themselves. 

If she REALLY wanted to do something for her kids then SHE should have been the one actually cooking the meals. And not having her little daughter powder her and dry her off. 

[OSM Mom]

23 hours ago, aliya said:

Props to all the posts here. You all are some very insightful people.

I still need to know if you can get drive-in latkes in Oklahoma. I may have to move.

The potato cakes from Arby's aren't like Latkes.  They're more like bigger flat tater tots.  

[Motor City]

“I find that people who say that everything they do is "for the kids," the truth is usually the opposite.  People who genuinely do everything for other people and not themselves usually don't realize that this is what they are doing.  It's pretty much like she wants to be the martyr.”

“If she REALLY wanted to do something for her kids then SHE should have been the one actually cooking the meals. And not having her little daughter powder her and dry her off.” 

I totally agree

[aliya]

On 1/20/2017 at 10:44 PM, OSM Mom said:

The potato cakes from Arby's aren't like Latkes.  They're more like bigger flat tater tots.  

Bummer. Guess I will have to stay in Iowa, then.

On 1/20/2017 at 10:19 PM, notyrmomma said:

I find that people who say that everything they do is "for the kids," the truth is usually the opposite.  People who genuinely do everything for other people and not themselves usually don't realize that this is what they are doing.  It's pretty much like she wants to be the martyr.  

I think this is another aspect of what I complained about with the woman moaning about her family, her family. I love my family - that enabled me to be >600 lbs. I love my kids, but I have ruined my body to the extent I can't work, can barely move, and can't be part of their school or sports life, etc. It's like hoarders who 'love' their kids so much they keep a filthy, hoarded house and the kids sleep on the couch. 

I want to add something else I've been thinking about. It seems that these people  are missing a  spiritual or ethical framework in their lives. I can picture a continuum that goes from 'your body is a temple' to more broadly thinking of the needs of others and your 'footprint' on the planet.  There might be ideas about not taking more than your share that would stop some from going too far. I'm not a 'your share' kinda person (I don't see the world as zero-sum), but others might see it that way. Certainly, at the family level, if feeding you takes a large part of the family's budget, so that other family members go without, you are exceeding your share. For example, Chad denied his family his full presence and his help with chores due to his weight. I know a lot of these people blame their weight on past trauma, but I also see a lack of spirituality and responsibility (to oneself and one's family) by letting things get as far as they do. I am not saying that being overweight is a moral failing. I am saying that lack of a deeper structure that calls one accountable for what one does in this life may make it easier to gain this amount of weight. My 2 cents. 

[auntjess]

On ‎1‎/‎19‎/‎2017 at 3:52 PM, Pers said:

Before the surgery, I met with their staff psychologist (to make sure I was mentally fit for this challenge),

Drs.Robert & Garth Davis (My Weight Is Killing Me) require this.

On ‎1‎/‎19‎/‎2017 at 4:04 PM, LeeAnn said:

  I haven't watched Fat Fabulous Life, so someone can correct me if maybe she's on a weight loss journey herself. 

Whitney could eat most of these people under the table.

[lovetheduns]

On January 18, 2017 at 8:58 PM, junemeatcleaver said:

Wait a second, this woman has two teenage sons but the little 11 year old girl has to cook for six other people and herself?  This is the first time someone on this show has pissed me off.

The cooking, cleaning, and then scrubbing her mothers legs.. child abuse.

[TurtlePower]

17 hours ago, auntjess said:

Drs.Robert & Garth Davis (My Weight Is Killing Me) require this.

Whitney could eat most of these people under the table.

Whitney is gonna wind up a patient in Dr. Now's office if she doesn't get a handle on her food addiction (she's what, over 400 now?). Not sure he'd see her though, she blames her weight on just about everything/everyone else and that people are fat-shaming her if they say anything. 

[atiyah9369]

On 1/18/2017 at 8:58 PM, junemeatcleaver said:

Wait a second, this woman has two teenage sons but the little 11 year old girl has to cook for six other people and herself?  This is the first time someone on this show has pissed me off.

I hate that I didn't even think about her cooking for those boys! I was pissed she was cooking at all! Her nails always looked nice for an 11yr old LOL>

[Morgalisa]

I admired Cynthia for continuing to work. We have seen most of the others, some weighing less than her, who had not worked for many years. I loved her relationship with her children. She listened to them, she encouraged them to express their feelings, she validated them.  

I wonder if she had some trauma as a child that her family doesnt know about, and maybe she us unaware of on a conscious level. Her family, especially her brother, was very kind, supportive and loving. Did they ever show or talk about the parents? I dont think we got the whole story.

[Ocean Chick]

Oh, I'm SURE we haven't got the entire story.  There's a reason Cynthia is so resistant to even talking to a counselor.  There's something in her past that she doesn't want to talk about - something important.  She thinks it's buried and gone and doesn't want it disinterred.  And it's probably the real reason she's eaten herself to this point.

[cynicat]

She definitely had moments that were incredibly irritating with shades of Marla coming out.  But then they'd show her with her kids and wow, there was so much love there.  She made them each an individual framed picture of them with their Mom--how sweet was that?

[Elizabeth9]

I looked into adopting from the foster care system a while back.  These kids she adopted would be in a similar situation.  I believe you can get a stipend to offset care costs if the child is a ward of the state and you legally adopt them?  

Theres more going on here.  Either a) her sister married someone who was EXTREMELY VIOLENT and possibly homicidal or b) the violent person was her brother.  I'm assuming it was her sister's partner.  Most women who pick violent partners were themselves victims of domestic violence growing up, which would mean Cynthia probably had a pretty crappy childhood.

The long-term single, unwilling to date or commit is sort of a red flag too.  I mean, people can be happy that way, but for me and many like me, it's because we have issues relating to sex and intimacy from being abused as children.  It's great that she doesn't want to expose the kids to a steady stream of losers, but she could still manage to date casually and. It introduce the kids until she vetted the person pretty thoroughly.  Single moms do it all the time.

Third- she has a raging addiction.  Most people who wind up with a raging addictive behavior have had some sort of trauma.  I just don't believe someone got to be 600 lbs because they were hungry- okay, maybe it's possible, but I feel certain Dr Now would do testing to rule out underlying medical conditions that could cause such issues.  And if she's always hungry, why not eat some roasted chicken and vegetables?  She's clearly addicted to food- and all the worst kinds.  Has been for a long time.  

The suicide attempt.   No one randomly tries to kill themselves one day when everything is going so well.  

Cynthia could benefit A LOT from therapy.  Even just having a sounding board for her busy life with the kids and working would help, I'm sure.  But if she's unwilling, there's not much else that can be done.

I actually really liked her- bad temper and all.  She did something with her life, she went to work every day, she was committed to helping others both personally and professionally (when do we ever see that on this show) and she seemed to be a caring mom (although that sweet little girl needs to go back to being a child).  Unfortunately for her, until she's willing to face whatever past she has and deal with it, she will likely be exactly the same, or worse, in future update.

[swankie]

On 1/24/2017 at 3:58 AM, Elizabeth9 said:

Theres more going on here.  Either a) her sister married someone who was EXTREMELY VIOLENT and possibly homicidal or b) the violent person was her brother.  I'm assuming it was her sister's partner.

She said that they were her cousin's kids whose father abused them and her cousin could no longer care for them.  No more details about her cousin's current status, but she made the statement that the kids already lost one mother.  Not sure if she meant that her cousin died or just the fact that she was no longer in their lives when she said the word "lost".

On 1/24/2017 at 3:58 AM, Elizabeth9 said:

The suicide attempt.   No one randomly tries to kill themselves one day when everything is going so well.

You can grow up in a fairly happy environment and still suffer from depression.  We don't know if Cynthia ate because she was depressed or was depressed because she couldn't stop eating.  She didn't give us enough information to go off of other than the kids at school made fun of her and Valentine's Day was torcher for her.  She said that it was Valentine's Day when she tried to commit suicide.  From looking at her childhood photos, she was fat at a very early age so a lot of it could be from her mother overstuffing her from the time she was born.

[Elizabeth9]

On 1/24/2017 at 4:27 AM, swankie said:

You can grow up in a fairly happy environment and still suffer from depression.  We don't know if Cynthia ate because she was depressed or was depressed because she couldn't stop eating.  She didn't give us enough information to go off of other than the kids at school made fun of her and Valentine's Day was torcher for her.  She said that it was Valentine's Day when she tried to commit suicide.  From looking at her childhood photos, she was fat at a very early age so a lot of it could be from her mother overstuffing her from the time she was born.

Still, she belongs in therapy

On 1/24/2017 at 4:20 AM, swankie said:

She said that they were her cousin's kids whose father abused them and her cousin could no longer care for them.  No more details about her cousin's current status, but she made the statement that the kids already lost one mother.  Not sure if she meant that her cousin died or just the fact that she was no longer in their lives when she said the word "lost".

Sorry, I must have not been paying that close of attention!  Thought they were nieces/nephews for some reason

[hnygrl]

That episode isn't one I'm ever willing to re-watch. And now I know why. With distance and some thought, I realize Cynthia reminds me of my mother.

It was spooky. Really, creepily spooky. She and my mother could be clones.

My mom didn't lose the weight until it affected her health (diabetes, arthritis so bad she couldn't move, high HIGH blood pressure, you know the drill), but by then the damage to her endocrine (and other) system(s) was already done. She had a stroke, a heart attack, and her kidney shut down.

All. At the same. Time.

My mother was also like Cynthia. Very loving and supportive on the one hand, but needy as f*ck on the other hand. You try to leave her and have your own life? Good GOD!  Why????

I was doing all the housework too by the time I was 13. three brothers, and I'm doing all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, etc. at 11, 12, 13. By 13 she quit doing anything and I did everything but the shopping. When one of us got a license she quit doing even that.

When I left home you would've thought I'd committed murder she carried on so.

When she died? And we were cleaning out her stuff? We discovered she was Bi-Polar.

Which, I'm thinking is Cynthia's underlying problem. She may be mentally ill but dealing with it by keeping her kids closely controlled (I mean CONtrolled, You have no idea!), and blocking the world out. My mother had one friend. She never visited the house. Mom never went out. She always said what Cynthia said (no bringing strange men around the kids). The parallels are spooky.

Won't even watch a "where are they now" of that one. Too many flashbacks.

[MichelleTX]

On 1/21/2017 at 9:25 PM, auntjess said:

Drs.Robert & Garth Davis (My Weight Is Killing Me) require this.

Whitney could eat most of these people under the table.

Dr Garth Davis did my surgery and yes, there are many hoops to jump through before surgery. Took 5 months from my first visit to surgery. I think there's a lot they don't air on the show. I was no where near 600lbs but I needed help. I've lost over 100lbs and no longer have high bp, high cholesterol and I'm not at risk for diabetes now. I've kept it off for over 2 years now. I'd still like (and need) to lose about 30lbs. Best thing I ever did!

[Pepperminty]

The daughter should be in a foster home. It's not cool that she is having to do the work with the boys just lying around. Why would she have two additional kids anyway and where the freak is the Dad??

[MichelleTX]

Just to give y'all an idea of what is required to get from your first consult visit to surgery. I know I would be curious if I had not gone through it myself!?

Oh and NUT=Nutritionist ?

Consultation April 15, 2014
1st NUT Appt May 2, 2014
Psych Evaluation May 8, 2014
Stress Test May 28, 2014
2nd NUT Appt June 6, 2014
EGD June 11, 2014
3rd NUT Appt July 9, 2014
Final reassessment with Dr Davis July 16, 2014
Paper work submitted to insurance August 4, 2014
Approved August 20, 2014
Start liquid diet September 1, 2014
Pre-op September 4, 2014
VSG scheduled for September 15, 2014

[operalover]

I was amazed that she had a teaching job and could drive at 600 pounds, but she was in agony walking to her classroom. She should have been doing it just for that, to be able to walk better. Once she got to 450 pounds I am sure it was much easier for her to go to work. Still she probably has some pain because that is still too heavy.

She certainly has some mental issues if after adopting 3 kids she went out and got herself knocked up with 2 more, purposely wanting to be a single mom of five.  But as you all pointed our her quitting Dr Na and saying "Im going to do it my way" she is not going to lose another pound. 

Those donuts on the way to work looked disgusting. As for her feeling hungry I would think on the 1200 calorie diet if she was going to work she was going to feel very hungry. Most of these people on the 1200 calorie diet are just laying around. That is not enough food when at 600 pounds they could do a 2200 calorie diet and still lose weight and still have to be in control of what they eat but with less hunger. It makes no sense to me to put anyone on a 1200 calorie a day diet. I weigh 140 and I am absolutely starving on any less than 1700 calories.  Even that I am hungry. At that weight they would lose on 3000 calories and going from 10,000 to 3,000 is a big change. I guess he tells them 1200 because he knows they will add to that? Whenever I hear that I just cringe.  I love when they think they can sneak food and then get on the scale and gain. Dr Na knows to gain at 600 pounds you have to be eating like 8,000 calories per day and then they say "Im trying" lol lol lol.

[Pers]

Cynthia was on TLC again just now (rerun). I just can't stand her "I'm doing this for my kids" BS. No, you're not doing anything for your kids. She also kept saying "So and So can't help me the way I need to, so I'm going to do it my way." What a crock, how is "doing it your way" going? I'll tell you Cynthia, it's not going well, at all. Wake up. What a waste of time.

[peaceknit]

Maybe it's just me, but I felt that Cynthia was only going through the motions, and wasn't really mentally into the program. That she had the surgery because she felt that she had to show that she was doing something "for her children". Once she had the procedure, she had proven that she had "done something," and that was all that mattered. I remember during the scene when she was tested to make sure she would tolerate the procedure, Dr. Now told her that if she hadn't made significant progress in the period of time leading up to it, that he would not operate, but I didn't see her getting weighed or questioned on the day of - he just went ahead with it.

Cynthia looked and seemed a lot better post-op than many of the other folks on this show. Hell, she was even talking about eating solid food at an early stage, even though she said she had no appetite anymore! I don't have a good feeling that she will be successful, and will gain the weight back. 

Another thing that bothered me, maybe small stuff, but still. When Dr. Now entered the room, he will usually greet the person and shake hands, but every damn time, Cynthia had her arms crossed and refused to shake his hand. What's up with that? 

[Oldernowiser]

Watched it today on the treadmill...this show is my workout motivator, especially when I can't run outdoors and have to run on the dreadmill.

Her kids were just lovely. She may have a whole lot of bad going on (although as someone with a vocabulary that could make a sailor blush, I don't really have a problem with her letting loose), but she's also doing a lot of things right with them. I love how she asked each one of them how they were feeling and laid out her expectations as to how they were to behave with their uncle taking care of them...no threats, just this is how I know you will behave.

 I hope for their sake she makes this a real change.

[Showthyme]

People who are busy feeding themselves are not concerned about feeding others.  Cynthia was using her kids as an excuse. 

[CocoaGoddess]

Currently binge watching the show through the TLC app and Chromecast, so I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. But I did want to touch on Cynthia's financial situation a bit--my sister and her husband adopted their son about 13 years ago, and they receive a monthly stipend (I believe around $500, plus medical insurance for my nephew) for him until he is 18 years old, so if you multiply that times three, then we can definitely see how Cynthia's lifestyle is supplemented. Plus, any of those kids could have a disability related to their abuse that we don't know about, which would make them eligible for some sort of SSI benefits and food stamps. 

[auntjess]

I was looking up something else, and came across this article about Cynthia.
http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/my-600-lb-life-star-loses-156-pounds-calls-process-bulls--t-w461424

[Suzywriter]

On 1/18/2017 at 8:50 PM, aliya said:

Before I forget... "potato cakes"???  Like a latke? They got drive-ins that serve latkes?  Yes! 

Now back to the story and our lying lady who, like most of the rest of them, can't figure out how to buy some protein and veg and that EVERYONE in the family can eat what she's eating, so she doesn't need special food just for her and who thinks that hitting the drive-in 4 days a week instead of 7 is a diet.

btw - is this the worse mouth we've heard on a patient? 

The potato cakes got my attention also. I was like, "so where is this drive through??"

[Suzywriter]

On 1/19/2017 at 2:42 PM, Cherrio said:

I remember her.    

Teretha

[auntjess]

I just watched this again, and was wondering if there were any updates.
Unless she's changed her attitude toward the show, I guess there won't be a "where are they now" on her.

[Leilani]

I'm late in discovering this show. I found this story about Ukiah reuniting with her mom who released from prison in November 2019. The mother served 13 years for failure to protect while the father only served two.

https://oklahoman.com/article/5643506/board-recommends-commutation-for-oklahoma-city-mother

Edited February 5, 2020 by Leilani

[NeitherSparky]

On 2/4/2020 at 8:11 PM, Leilani said:

I'm late in discovering this show. I found this story about Ukiah reuniting with her mom who released from prison in November 2019. The mother served 13 years for failure to protect while the father only served two.

https://oklahoman.com/article/5643506/board-recommends-commutation-for-oklahoma-city-mother

I might have missed something but I couldn’t find a way to read the article without buying a subscription. The mom was Cynthia’s cousin I think? Sorry it’s been a while.

[Leilani]

7 hours ago, NeitherSparky said:

I might have missed something but I couldn’t find a way to read the article without buying a subscription. The mom was Cynthia’s cousin I think? Sorry it’s been a while.

 Just Google Ukiah Hall and Cynthia Wells which is what I did and I found a few articles on the release of the mom.  https://oklahoman.com/article/5643506/board-recommends-commutation-for-oklahoma-city-mother

Edited February 6, 2020 by Leilani

[CrazyInAlabama]

The man who abused the children should have been in jail for many years, not two.  

[OoogleEyes]

Bumpty bumpty BUMP

[Chicklet]

Um those ankles aren't swollen, that's just a whole lotta fat lady. 

Am I the only one here? sniffle

[ams1001]

Who's watching with me tonight? I don't remember Cynthia, I don't think. Just read through the last several comments and that didn't really help, though some of the details feel vaguely familiar.

Tonight's eating habit: naked chicken tenders with gravy and rice and peas. Now drinking a cup of Guittard Grand Cacao drinking chocolate, which... I don't love. I was going to make the brownie recipe that's on the can but I don't have enough left. So I guess I'm drinking it.

Okay, now she's on my screen I remember her.

[OoogleEyes]

I'm here!

I'm debating on whether or not I can make it through this one. 

My eating habit tonight was a bunch of roasted garden veggies over some pasta. I love this time of year!

Edited July 30, 2020 by OoogleEyes

[Chicklet]

Ive been up since 3 and I don't think I 'll make it much longer blah. Her voice is oddly hypnotic and monotonal and it's making me sleepier.

That poor child cooking for her useless mother.

[ams1001]

1 minute ago, Chicklet said:

Ive been up since 3 and I don't think I 'll make it much longer blah. Her voice is oddly hypnotic and monotonal and it's making me sleepier.

Monotone voice, sad music...😴😴😴

[Chicklet]

Definition of over- when your show makes Darcey and Stacey look like a good time.

[ams1001]

53* shows featuring multiples wasn't enough, now we need a show about multiple multiples...

*might be an exaggeration but I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't

[JunkFoodTV]

Here! Eating habit turkey with gravy served on mashed potatoes for my husband. Random fruits and veggies from the garden for me. So far I've had blueberries, raspberries and kale. Yeah...random. 

I remember her being a good person that took in those kids and then not really giving them a childhood if they have to take care of her. Yeah....also random.

[Chicklet]

Ohh mashed potatoes. <slapping myself>

I made zucchini corn pancakes which were soooo good. The garden is being stingy with tomatoes yet.

Cynthia is dead and she just hasn't noticed yet. And I remember liking her brother.

[JunkFoodTV]

I also remember I thought the stepstool on a string was genius! I'm only 5'1" and it looks like something that I'd find handy. 😄

[OoogleEyes]

Well, she's *really* not cooking for them...

[ams1001]

"So you cook for everyone in the house."

No, my 11-year-old child does.

1 minute ago, Chicklet said:

I made zucchini corn pancakes which were soooo good. The garden is being stingy with tomatoes yet.

My mom texted me the other day from the store of a local orchard which is also a bakery and asked if I wanted any corn on the cob. I requested four white corn...and ate them all for dinner (in my defense it was pretty much all I had eaten that day). I debated asking her to get me an apple pie  (they make the best) but I refrained.

[DC Gal in VA]

25 minutes ago, OoogleEyes said:

I'm here!

I'm debating on whether or not I can make it through this one. 

My eating habit tonight was a bunch of roasted garden veggies over some pasta. I love this time of year!

Me too. I have very clear memories of Cynthia and not very good ones. When I checked TLC and saw it was her, I said to myself "Nope, can't take two full hours of Miss 'I do everything for my kids' martyr mom." I might check back here and there but just not the whole episode.

My eating habit: leftover Chinese delivery and for dessert a vodka martini!😁 

Forgot to say that I'm watching a National Geographic Shark Week show and Cynthia's smile, while pearly white and lovely, always reminded me of a shark baring it's teeth.

Edited July 30, 2020 by DC Gal in VA
Additional comments.

[ams1001]

"I'm still committed to the diet"...while she shoves a cheesesteak and curly fries into her face.

[Chicklet]

Just now, ams1001 said:

"I'm still committed to the diet"...while she shoves a cheesesteak and curly fries into her face.

HA a stuffy nose made me do it. Lord

[ams1001]

"Really? It's four pounds."

Um, you were supposed to lose 30.