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S03.E13: Jinger's Wedding


bigskygirl
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45 minutes ago, kalamac said:
47 minutes ago, kalamac said:

Or she counts Anna as a daughter now.

According to MEchelle,  Anna  is a "Daughter-In-Love."   If anyone else would say that, I would find it sort of cute, but since it's MEchelle,  I don't like it.  I think Cathy referred to Deena (or maybe Jill) as a Daughter in Love recently.

I agree with the posters who say JB seems to love his children, despite his many faults and need to remain in control. I really do think he makes an effort to engage with them and know them as well as he can. Michelle only seems interested until they're a year old or so, and then boom, here comes another one! None of the kids seem genuinely close to their mom, in my opinion, except josh and Josie. 

  • Love 9
8 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I agree with the posters who say JB seems to love his children, despite his many faults and need to remain in control. I really do think he makes an effort to engage with them and know them as well as he can. Michelle only seems interested until they're a year old or so, and then boom, here comes another one! None of the kids seem genuinely close to their mom, in my opinion, except josh and Josie. 

Sure, he loves them, and I bet Michelle does too. I just think she is mentally altered, probably due to meds taken for anxiety and/or depression if the stories about her breakdown are true. She definitely seemed distant and mostly emotionless about the wedding.  JB was full of emotion  and love, but the million dollar question is: would he still feel that way if one of his precious blessings decided to blaze her own trail, go to college, get a degree, take birth control, come out as a lesbian, or otherwise choose something for herself and herself only? Doubt it.

  • Love 12
19 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

I am certainly not a fan of JimBob for a zillion reasons, but he does seem to love the children, even though he has deprived them of a normal life, not prepared them for a normal life, and wants to remain in control.  

Can you really call this love, though? He's certainly drawn to them by his biological links to them. But since he's some big Christian, I think we need to apply the Christian definition of love to him, not the purely biological and sentimental yearning to foster your own little DNA packets.

And doesn't Christian love (or, in fact, any civilized human love at all) mean not depriving your children, preparing them for good and satisfying lives of their own, and putting your own control-freak ego aside in their favor? His great and mighty God of the whole universe supposedly made people free to live by all his rules or not. So we give paltry Jim Bob Duggar a pass for not doing the same, just because he exhibits sentimentality over the mini-hunks of his biology that he's spawned?

Aren't we pretty viciously demeaning love by awarding points for it to someone who behaves like an assy control freak in its name? I've been in one of these control-maniac families. And, believe me, they're all sentimental about the people they imagine they own, and they all call it "love." And they all tear up because they're so impressed by the squishy sentimental feelings that they imagine show how wonderfully loving they are.

I admit that I'm greatly biased. But having been burned by this, I'll tell you that it doesn't feel like love to those inside. Even the brainwashed ones generally have to repeatedly fight with themselves to keep believing that, "Yes, it's love." Generally doesn't feel like it, even to them. But they're fearful and controlled and they get some of their needs met by it -- more of their needs, more's the pity, when a network gives the abuser a TeeVee show -- so they keep slapping the "love' sticker back onto it, despite their frequent doubts. That's the way it is in my family anyway. And when you see that, it becomes pretty clear that it's not the pattern of someone who loves. It's the pattern of someone abusive, I think.

Of course, this is the thinking of someone who's experienced the abuse. The neighbors and "friends" and, in this case, TeeVee Viewers, all see the sentimentality and, because nobody wants to confront ugly reality, fall for it. Been there. Seen that firsthand. It's a handy fact that helps abusers maintain their abusive ways for decades while firmly believing that they're just as loving as all get out. Happens pretty much every time. But it's not "love," by any decent definition of that word, in my opinion.

Edited by Churchhoney
  • Love 18
11 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Maybe numbers between one and nineteen confuse her. The kids in those two positions seem to be the only ones she gives two shits about. 

Yeah, cause they're the only ones that stand as symbols of her great achievement. I started down the genius, uber-godly world of having babies with my First Baby, back when I was a beautiful young thing! And I achieved having NINETEEN living babies! NINETEEN NINETEEN NINETEEN!!! The ones in the middle are just a meaningless blur.

That said, I think she probably got confused and thought she was filming a Joy talking head, as someone up above said.

Edited by Churchhoney
  • Love 4
1 hour ago, Barb23 said:

What would happen if one of the couples eloped ? 

Then you've entered the Fanfic Zone.

Seriously, though, how would it happen?  The girls aren't allowed to go anywhere without an accountability partner.  The same for most of the boys.  J.D. seems to have a lot of freedom, and he doesn't seem like he really likes the cameras, so he'd have a shot at it.  But all the older kids seem pretty enmeshed and unable to do much without lots of input from JB.  They're surely well aware that the bulk of the income comes from the show, and I think things would have to get pretty bad for one of the older kids to cut bait and run, because they'd be worried about what would happen to their family if they did that. 

But let's say that there's a J-kid who has found their soul mate and is ready to jump ship.  They might have visions of sneaking out in the night and running off with their beloved.  Hopefully they know enough to take their ID with them and a couple of changes of clothes.  Hopefully they have a place to go, at least for a couple of nights, and someone has money for the marriage license.

Let's say they've managed to get to a courthouse and get married.  The J-kid would probably expect to turn right around and go back home, because they're like carrier pigeons and always return to the roost.  JB&M would then have to craft a story about how their precious child just couldn't wait and eloped, but it's all good, the new spouse is here and everyone is kind of misty eyed over how the young couple knew they were in danger of sinning so they got married right away.  JB would tear himself inside out to find them a place to stay and the whole family would apply pressure for the new couple to stick with the romantic story line for the camera crew that was just now pulling into the driveway ready to document the new and improved story line that would keep the show on the air for another season.  The happy couple would be trotted out, exclaimed over, applauded, and someone would set up a site for cash and gifts so the public could contribute to this very special love story.

If J-kid and spouse didn't return to the family compound, we better hope that the new spouse has a good job or money to support themselves.  JB&M would still call the camera crew in to explain that J-kid has flown the coop and is living in marital bliss somewhere else.  As long as J-kid and spouse kept to the party line, they'd be mentioned occasionally in a positive way, especially if they agreed to show up for filming once in a while.

The real problem would be if J-kid ran off with a same sex partner, or talked negatively about the family.  Then they'd be treated like MEchelle's lesbian sister, acknowledged once in a while with a "love the sinner, hate the sin" slant.  I can't imagine any of the older kids being able to do that, at least not at this point.

The younger kids might be different.  With the exception of Josie, the younger the kid, the less they seem to be connected to their parents.  As their buddies grow up and move out, the younger kids have more leeway to think for themselves.  It's still going to be hard for them, as their education is almost nonexistant and their life experiences are still tightly wound to the Duggar machine, but they might be able to pull it off if they get enough help from outside the family.

  • Love 3
22 minutes ago, riverblue22 said:

I'm thinking Jana can now go places without an accountability partner.  At this point she certainly deserves the freedom to run over to Lowe's and pick up a faucet.  I can't see her wanting to drag a howler or a lost girl with her on errands now that she is being abandoned by the sisters.

Good thought. Hope that works.

Of course, there's also the problem that Jizm Bob and Meechelle and her sisters are now firmly planted into Jana's neurons. So even when she doesn't have an external accountability partner there, she'll have a bunch of them living right inside her brain and, in fact, operating her brain.

If she does indeed get to forgo the real-life partners, it's a step in a positive direction. But because her brain has developed her whole life as her tool to navigate and survive the environment she lives in, she'll still have a lot of internal voices and checks that may be strong enough to override a new situation because her wiring is set up to maximize her safety in the old situation. I've seen that happen often enough. The worst problem with control freaks is that they leave themselves behind in your head so even when they're dead and buried you may well go right on behaving according to their dictates.

Nevertheless, I agree there's some hope here if she can actually get away by herself from time to time.

  • Love 4

This was my favorite ceremony so far from this family, but, I did grimace when I saw them with the candles.  Lighting a Unity Candle used to be popular in the 70's -90's.  I think it faded for awhile after that.  I thought it was due to how often the lights and candles would go out, wouldn't light, etc. I'm not sure why this happened, but it was quite common, awkward and embarrassing for the wedding couple.   (Breezy chapel, old candles, defective wicks, etc.)  I vowed to never do that kind of thing. Rarely, did it go smoothly.  Apparently, the tradition has resurfaced, though I don't know know why. I guess everyone thinks it will go well for their ceremony. 

  • Love 3

Just watching a bit of this on YouTube. My GOSH, they really do talk to Josie as if she's about 3. True, she looks wispy and tiny for her age, but geez. Kid's gonna grow up with some serious issues (in addition to the usual ones associated with being a Duggar).

(Okay, upon watching more, I'm realizing that Michelle talks like that to everyone. Oy vey.)

FWIW, we did a unity candle. 1994. Moms walked up the aisle with big lighters, lit each of our candles (which were tall and skinny, not short and squat) just prior to the ceremony.

Edited by LilJen
  • Love 1
19 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Every fundie ceremony I've seen has utilized the unity candle, except, of course, rebel Jessa, who instead used unity sand. I haven't been to a wedding in ages, so I can't comment on how "regular" people do it. I'll be going to a lesbian wedding in about 6 months; I'll report back then. :D

My daughter and son-in-law did unity sand (totally secular JoP presiding), and that can get messy as  well if someone's hands are shaking and they get sand all over the table :)

  • Love 3

Both of my sisters did the unity candle at their weddings (Catholic ceremony in a church) but they had the mothers light tapers, with a big pillar candle in the middle as the unity one. How Jinger and Jeremy ever expected to light the center one with those fat side candles is beyond me. They must have seen it done somewhere and then bought the first 3 white candles they found, with no regard to the logistics.

  • Love 4
14 hours ago, riverblue22 said:

I'm thinking Jana can now go places without an accountability partner.  At this point she certainly deserves the freedom to run over to Lowe's and pick up a faucet.  I can't see her wanting to drag a howler or a lost girl with her on errands now that she is being abandoned by the sisters.

On one of the recent recap shows, Jinger and Joy showed up together for a "photo shoot" with Jessa, Ben, and Spurge. Jinger's camera had a dead battery and Joy was sent back home to get fresh ones. It appeared she went alone, and I was dying to have that confirmed but I suppose we never will. 

  • Love 1
4 hours ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

On one of the recent recap shows, Jinger and Joy showed up together for a "photo shoot" with Jessa, Ben, and Spurge. Jinger's camera had a dead battery and Joy was sent back home to get fresh ones. It appeared she went alone, and I was dying to have that confirmed but I suppose we never will. 

That scene drove me nuts.  In the time they took talking about replacing the batteries & who was going to get the new ones, they could have had the batteries replaced. I'm sure we didn't see the whole scene.  Maybe that was part of the problem - was it Ok for Joy to go alone?  Geez, if that big of a deal, Ben should have gone or does he still need an accountability partner? 

  • Love 1
32 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

That scene drove me nuts.  In the time they took talking about replacing the batteries & who was going to get the new ones, they could have had the batteries replaced. I'm sure we didn't see the whole scene.  Maybe that was part of the problem - was it Ok for Joy to go alone?  Geez, if that big of a deal, Ben should have gone or does he still need an accountability partner? 

If the batteries were at the TTH, then sure, I'd say an 18-year-old could and might be permitted to travel there alone in a closed car - because she's going to her house, you see, where all the individuals are known and not strangers, as opposed to heading to Taco Bell or similar.  

All bets are off if she needs gasoline for the car though.

  • Love 5
2 hours ago, Barb23 said:

That scene drove me nuts.  In the time they took talking about replacing the batteries & who was going to get the new ones, they could have had the batteries replaced. I'm sure we didn't see the whole scene.  Maybe that was part of the problem - was it Ok for Joy to go alone?  Geez, if that big of a deal, Ben should have gone or does he still need an accountability partner? 

Of all people, I would think Bin does need one.

  • Love 4
2 hours ago, Barb23 said:

That scene drove me nuts.  In the time they took talking about replacing the batteries & who was going to get the new ones, they could have had the batteries replaced. I'm sure we didn't see the whole scene.  Maybe that was part of the problem - was it Ok for Joy to go alone?  Geez, if that big of a deal, Ben should have gone or does he still need an accountability partner? 

This culture still leaves me going "Wha-a-a-t?" Do grown men need accountability partners when they go to, say, Walmart?

  • Love 6

Naw, I think I heard that once they're married, they don't need accountability partners, because they're now true adults and having lots of Godly sex. 

Let's not look too deeply into it.  If it seems that even the married ones can't seem to get into a car alone isn't important.  Just remember that if they wanted to, they could go alone.

  • Love 2

Anna and Josh obviously drove themselves without accountability partners and we've seen Jessa out by herself.  Ben went off to the coffee shop to study.  Even if Jim Bob thinks he needs an accountability partner, it seems most of the next generation have ditched that after marriage.  I can't see Jeremy suddenly deciding he needs an accountability partner after all these years of doing without one so I expect he'll think Jinger is equally free to go to the store by herself.

  • Love 4
1 hour ago, Absolom said:

I can't see Jeremy suddenly deciding he needs an accountability partner after all these years of doing without one so I expect he'll think Jinger is equally free to go to the store by herself.

The question is will Jinger actually go the store without Babe. My money is on no  - she's a Jill.

  • Love 16
4 hours ago, Barb23 said:

IIRC, JB took  (?takes) one or more of the kids as accountability partners with him when he went somewhere to prevent him from going astray or God forbid, being tempted by a lady in the Mini Mart.    I think it was explained in one of the episodes.  

I have wondered how the Creator of the universe is not able to curtail their wandering eye, but, an 8 year-old kid tagging  along would able to prevent a catastrophe. lol  I would be embarrassed to continue with that tradition. 

  • Love 16
26 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I have wondered how the Creator of the universe is not able to curtail their wandering eye, but, an 8 year-old kid tagging  along would able to prevent a catastrophe. lol  I would be embarrassed to continue with that tradition. 

Yeah, the women in Arkansas must not be as bold as those in NYC, which I am told by friends with children, their husbands are besieged if they go places alone with offspring in tow, by women hoping for a nice widower or at least someone who doesn't have to pay out alimony.

Edited by queenanne
  • Love 1
15 hours ago, Barb23 said:

That scene drove me nuts.  In the time they took talking about replacing the batteries & who was going to get the new ones, they could have had the batteries replaced. I'm sure we didn't see the whole scene.  Maybe that was part of the problem - was it Ok for Joy to go alone?  Geez, if that big of a deal, Ben should have gone or does he still need an accountability partner? 

OMG, what if Bin and Joy had gone together to get the batteries and DESIRES were awakened that could not be fulfilled righteously????

  • Love 5
On ‎11‎/‎16‎/‎2016 at 0:47 PM, winsomeone said:

I am 76, and I have never been in a church that has a stage instead of an alter. Is this common? I thought the whole ceremony was on the odd side. From the big "V" to the sweeping kiss by Jill and Jeremy.

 

On ‎11‎/‎16‎/‎2016 at 1:07 PM, Absolom said:

I don't think most Baptist churches have altars.  My neighbor calls their gathering place the auditorium and yes the front of the church she calls the stage.

Most Fundie churches and bigger non-Fundie churches I've been in (the ones going for a Mega-Church vibe, but just aren't that big) tend to do the "stage" thing.  One Fundie church I regularly found myself at (not by choice - it was for a basketball league that a kid we worked with in our free time played in) used a lot of grandiose (stage, auditorium, lobby, complex, gymnasium, giant screen, etc - stuff you would normally associate with large spaces, but this one wasn't really large in reality) and oddball terms (Narthex - I had to look that one up - it's essentially the lobby).  In actuality, the complex, gymnasium, and auditorium were the same big room and that's where the stage was contained.  It had carpet, but it had basketball markings inlaid into it.  Basketball hoops were always overhead.  I feel lost in churches like that.  Many use the rows of chairs instead of pews anymore.  Maybe it's because I grew up in a small church, or maybe it's because I don't look to church to be the be-all end-all to everything I need or want to do.  I know people who are perfectly happy at churches like that, and I'm happy for them, but it doesn't suit my needs.  And as for "Cathedral", I think it's become a catch-all term for an area that has a very high ceiling, or has a huge seating capacity.

On ‎11‎/‎16‎/‎2016 at 10:12 PM, Christina87 said:

Former sacred music student here! I loved it so much that I minored in it. Hymns are so beautiful! As for the hymns in this wedding...

Jinger's processional was "Great is Thy Faithfulness"...a Baptist oldie Goldie, but done in many other denominations too. Classy choice, and unusual for a processional, but cool. 

Hymn they sang right after the processional is unfamiliar, but sounds awfully nineteenth-century Baptisty to me. Pretty though. 

"Come thou fount" was in the middle, as someone else said.

Recessional was "All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name," to the hymn tune diadem  (it is commonly confused with "Crown Him With Many Crowns," which has a hymn tune called "Diademata"). Very, very majestic old British hymn, and very much like a hymn that might be sung at a royal wedding. I think of this as more of an Anglican or Methodist hymn, but I'm sure it is sung at baptist churches as well, since that seems to be their theme. 

Raised Methodist, tried many other denominations, and ended up back with the Methodists, but with their Reconciling branch, because that was important to me.  If I never heard "Crown Him With Many Crowns" ever again, it would be too soon. 

I haven't watched this show since the abuse came out, but I did watch for Jinger's wedding.  I'm not familiar with her husband, but I think it's good she's moving away, and that her husband has real world experience.  And they seem to genuinely love each other.  I liked her wedding more than that of her sisters, and her brother.  I loved her dress.  The bridesmaids dresses were nicer than those of her sisters, although some of the colors didn't compliment the girls wearing them - I'd have forgone any in shades of brown.  And Michelle made a better choice this time around. 

I just hope that the whole "babe" thing dies, and quickly.  The Rolloff offspring alone have made it so that I never want to hear that word again.

  • Love 6
On 11/19/2016 at 8:16 PM, IndianPaintbrush said:

Derrick was a horse's ass at the end. 

I just caught this part - did Derick basically shove aside the groomsman so he could walk Jill down the aisle himself?

That was a pathetic and embarrassing display, Heavy D.  Way to make yourself look like a complete imbecile.  At someone else's wedding.

  • Love 16
19 hours ago, laurakaye said:

I just caught this part - did Derick basically shove aside the groomsman so he could walk Jill down the aisle himself?

That was a pathetic and embarrassing display, Heavy D.  Way to make yourself look like a complete imbecile.  At someone else's wedding.

Isn't that what Josh did at Jill's wedding? Maybe it's a family tradition, but Jessa skipped it.

  • Love 5

The whole idea of "comedy" at a wedding ceremony seems odd to me, especially for Fundies. Starting from JD misplacing the ring at Joshes wedding to the guys pushing groomsmen out of the way to walk their mate out of the ceremony. Yet they "stand before God" and have covenant marriages. It seems to me they take something that they tout as sacred and then make a mockery of it. 

  • Love 22

Sorry if this was already posted.

I was reading on Lilly & Ellie's Duggar Blog site about the version of "Come Thou Fount" that was played during the unity candle lighting.  They said it was arranged & performed live by Jeremy's favorite band, CXVI. They have a link to the music video of the song on the site.  (Cant link on my tablet) 

  • Love 2
4 hours ago, Barb23 said:

Sorry if this was already posted.

I was reading on Lilly & Ellie's Duggar Blog site about the version of "Come Thou Fount" that was played during the unity candle lighting.  They said it was arranged & performed live by Jeremy's favorite band, CXVI. They have a link to the music video of the song on the site.  (Cant link on my tablet) 

It's true. And like the dude who was Derick's "friend" in the town square who sang the song for Jill, this is totally set up by TLC. 

They have a video on YouTube. 

Also, I don't know where to put this, but since next season will heavily focus on the wedding planning, I'll post it here. I saw a TLC press release a few days ago that bragged about the"high" ratings for the wedding episode. I'm not sure if it beat the series premiere - not including the 3 part special run over the holidays last year - but I think the episodes pulled similar numbers. The episode"won" cable that night (no Real Housewife shows on Tuesdays to compete), and TLC implied that they can now attract advertisers back. They went on to say that next season will be 11 episodes; this past season, replete with mind-numbing filler, was 13. 

  • Love 1

The whole wedding planning thing is pissing me off. We already know Jinger didn't get her bridal gown or the bridesmaids' dresses at that shop in D.C., so who do they think they're fooling? Surely an upstanding, Christian family like the Duggars wouldn't fake scenes in exchange for comped trips? 

Edited by BitterApple
  • Love 10

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