Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[Natalie68]

17 minutes ago, Rabbittron said:

This is Mommy Rabbittron are you sure that we did not live in the same house. The only thing that is different is I came from a family of four.  Everything else is the same house. 

HA!  Is this one of my sisters????  It was a lot of fun when friends would use our bathroom fulla naked ladies.  

[libgirl2]

2 hours ago, lucy711 said:

I'm with those that think Jill should be taking her TWO (not twenty) kids to the grocery store.  Yes, it is a pain sometimes to go with kids.  It takes more time.  But she's a stay at home mother!  She has the time.  I go in person because I know it is good for my son.  At first he ran all over, but now he follows me, can listen for directions and take things off of the shelf, and he helps me unload at the checkout line.  He also gets to pick out certain things that he likes.  Behaving in public is a learned skill.  I'm happy to report that my toddler son does well in stores, restaurants, and at the library because he's always come with me.

No nude women in my home but we did have foil and velvet wall paper. They were supposed to be trees until a neighbor commented that it was upside down so we had roots. 

[galaxychaser]

Jill looks puffy due to her sodium laden diet... her blood pressure must be high

[bigskygirl]

33 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

Jill looks puffy due to her sodium laden diet... her blood pressure must be high

And the sad part is she would not see a doctor if she is sick.

[Westiepeach]

27 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

And the sad part is she would not see a doctor if she is sick.

Because... Jesus. 

[bigskygirl]

8 minutes ago, Westiepeach said:

Because... Jesus. 

You would think Jesus or God would be sending them a message saying something could be wrong with you and go see a doctor. If ignorance was blissful, then the Duggars could be the most blissful people on the planet.

[Sew Sumi]

17 hours ago, Temperance said:

Cathy had cancer when they met. 

She may have had the cancer, but it wasn't diagnosed until April 10, 2014. They were engaged by then. I know this because Cathy posted on IG about her 5 year dx date not long ago. 

Edited May 3, 2019 by Sew Sumi
Got exact date, and it was IG, not Twitter

[Abstract]

I said the same thing on the Jessa thread when this topic came up. I will never judge anyone for using a grocery shopping app. No having to search for things because the store just rearranged, easy to comparison shop because all your choices are right there on the screen, less temptation to impulse buy, it's all so much better!

Also, I don't like taking even my well-behaved big kids in the store because they talk to me, which breaks my concentration. 

[bigskygirl]

Funny because we are talking about their table in their house because I keep getting a local furniture ad on top of the page.

[Mojitogirl]

I’m going to defend this one against all my instincts and better judgements but she’s the Duggar that has actually become the most “normal”.  Let’s not think of the finances, but her husband is in school, she wears normal clothes (your taste or not) including skinny jeans around her parents (not even the Bates girls), she cooks and blogs about it and seems to leave the house on her own (I doubt Jessa goes anywhere without Bin). Plus, we’ve all noticed that she seems to be somewhat distanced, at least on a daily basis, from the shitshow that is the TTH. 

I was going to say all that then I saw the heart cookie with the parents initials and not a corresponding one for the kids and I want to take it all back. 

I suspect Derrick has a job but after Walmart, he keeps it on the down low. 

[bigskygirl]

If you do not mind me asking, what do you think his job is.

[Sew Sumi]

23 minutes ago, Mojitogirl said:

I’m going to defend this one against all my instincts and better judgements but she’s the Duggar that has actually become the most “normal”.  Let’s not think of the finances, but her husband is in school, she wears normal clothes (your taste or not) including skinny jeans around her parents (not even the Bates girls), she cooks and blogs about it and seems to leave the house on her own (I doubt Jessa goes anywhere without Bin). Plus, we’ve all noticed that she seems to be somewhat distanced, at least on a daily basis, from the shitshow that is the TTH. 

I was going to say all that then I saw the heart cookie with the parents initials and not a corresponding one for the kids and I want to take it all back. 

I suspect Derrick has a job but after Walmart, he keeps it on the down low. 

I dunno. From what I understand, being a law student is a full-time job in and of itself.

[Mojitogirl]

27 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

If you do not mind me asking, what do you think his job is.

I really don’t know but maybe as an accountant or bookkeeper?  None of the guesses thrown out seem too viable and the steps they are taking are of people with a modest income. I wonder if they have a mortgage. 

Lots of law schools, especially if the university had a large commuter/older population, hava law degrees that can be done while working. 

[Barb23]

Maybe not a steady nor high paying job but I could see him working for H&R Block during  tax season. 

[Oldernowiser]

I’m having fun imagining how Derrick the tax guy would work out...

”Your health care costs are how much? Jesus is all you need!”

”Childcare expense? Why aren’t you staying home with them, you shameless harlot?”

”You donated to Planned Parenthood???? GET THINE HEATHEN ASS FROM OUT MY CUBICLE!!!”

I don’t see it going well...

[cmr2014]

30 minutes ago, Mojitogirl said:

I really don’t know but maybe as an accountant or bookkeeper?  None of the guesses thrown out seem too viable and the steps they are taking are of people with a modest income. I wonder if they have a mortgage. 

Lots of law schools, especially if the university had a large commuter/older population, hava law degrees that can be done while working. 

Someone suggested a while back that he might have inherited some money from his grandparents recently. This makes the most sense to me.

It's possible, given the enormous number of humpers, that they were able to grift MUCH more money that we suspected back in the DA days. If that was the case, though, I don't know why they would have been paying off Izzy's hospital bills for a year.

It's possible that all of the girls have some money from their ridiculous book on relationships. If that were the case, though, I don't know why Jinger and Jill would be living so much better than Jessa and Joy.

Derick has been spending LOTS of money for the past couple of years with no source of income -- the Cross Church program, law school, and now, a house. No bank is going to give a loan to a young couple with two children, no jobs, and no work history to speak of -- they either bought the house or someone bought it for them.

I think that this is likely where Jeremy's money comes from, too. Both Jeremy and Derick are about 30, and that would be a pretty statistically normal age to lose grandparents.

Edited May 3, 2019 by cmr2014
bad grammar

[FakeJoshDuggar]

On 5/2/2019 at 5:47 PM, ginger90 said:

Jill looks pregnant. I said what I said. 

[lookeyloo]

She must have popped fast because her latest lemon lime dresses didn't seem she was pregnant, at least to me.  But it was mentioned that her "girls" were up high in maybe a new bra, so maybe she was trying to contain them.

Whatever Mr lookeyloo and I have left after we die is left equally to the two sons, not to the grandchildren.  But our goal is to spend it all.  If either one calls when I am in a store and they say "what are you doing" I say "spending your inheritance", haha

[Zella]

The U of A law school is full-time only and does not have a part-time option for those who are working. (If you want that, I believe you have to go to Little Rock.)

They also discourage jobs for the first year since they want you to focus on your studies. I remember when I was in grad school there in another department, with an assistantship, we were also highly discouraged from working beyond that, especially that first year, though some folks did pick up extra jobs in other departments.

So, I highly doubt that he is working now while he is in school, though presumably he should be trying to find something for the summer. 

Edited May 4, 2019 by Zella

[mynextmistake]

1 hour ago, FakeJoshDuggar said:

Jill looks pregnant. I said what I said. 

She hasn’t looked pregnant in any of her recent photos, though, and there have been a lot of them. I think Derick has stopped the baby train, either for good or until he’s done with law school. 

[Lukeysboat]

Interesting that she has a box of some Betty Crocker cookie something-or-other. It looks like it could be the gluten-free mix.  I wonder if she made two separate types of cookies—though it looks like there would be cross-contamination. 

I almost forgot to add two things: I can barely look at Derick. His face is so askew it’s disturbing. Also, I am shocked that Jill is promoting an LDS company.

Edited May 4, 2019 by Lukeysboat
Forgot two things!

[JoanArc]

16 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

I’m having fun imagining how Derrick the tax guy would work out...

”Your health care costs are how much? Jesus is all you need!”

”Childcare expense? Why aren’t you staying home with them, you shameless harlot?”

”You donated to Planned Parenthood???? GET THINE HEATHEN ASS FROM OUT MY CUBICLE!!!”

I don’t see it going well...

Adam and Steve just got married and are filing together for the first time. It’s not like a public company like H&R Block would discriminate against them. 

[JoanArc]

4 hours ago, Lukeysboat said:

Interesting that she has a box of some Betty Crocker cookie something-or-other. It looks like it could be the gluten-free mix.  I wonder if she made two separate types of cookies—though it looks like there would be cross-contamination. 

Probably for that horrible infinity cookie cake she made along with the other cookies.

[kokapetl]

17 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

Someone suggested a while back that he might have inherited some money from his grandparents recently. This makes the most sense to me.

It's possible, given the enormous number of humpers, that they were able to grift MUCH more money that we suspected back in the DA days. If that was the case, though, I don't know why they would have been paying off Izzy's hospital bills for a year.

It's possible that all of the girls have some money from their ridiculous book on relationships. If that were the case, though, I don't know why Jinger and Jill would be living so much better than Jessa and Joy.

Derick has been spending LOTS of money for the past couple of years with no source of income -- the Cross Church program, law school, and now, a house. No bank is going to give a loan to a young couple with two children, no jobs, and no work history to speak of -- they either bought the house or someone bought it for them.

I think that this is likely where Jeremy's money comes from, too. Both Jeremy and Derick are about 30, and that would be a pretty statistically normal age to lose grandparents.

I agree that the house was bought with inheritance, or perhaps paid for by Derick’s well-to-do mother. 

[lookeyloo]

On 5/3/2019 at 10:47 AM, bigskygirl said:

I wonder if Jill and Deredick brought home insurance. I know we had to get insurance when we took out the loan for our house with the credit union. I did see a story on the news last night about how expensive home insurance was getting in certain parts of the country.

Do you mean a home warranty?  My guess is no unless the builder threw it in, because it would be more $$ out of pocket.

[bigskygirl]

4 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Do you mean a home warranty?  My guess is no unless the builder threw it in, because it would be more $$ out of pocket.

No I mean home insurance. We had to get it when we got our loan with the credit union for our house. We were also looking for a new manufactured home on a piece of land, and part of the payments would have included monthly insurance premiums and property taxes. I would love to have an extra bedroom, more updated kitchen and another bathroom, but it is out of our price range right now.

[Christina87]

I'm watching the first episode of Counting On (don't ask me why lol!), and everything makes soooo much sense. It just really angers me that Derick insisted on going to danger America. Honestly, I think they would have a much, much better marriage now if they'd stayed. 

Jill seems so strikingly normal. She doesn't even seem like as much of a dingbat as she did after she went to danger America! They're still in their McMansion, and she seems youthful and happy. It's almost depressing how happy she looks, compared to now. She acts like motherhood is coming decently easy to her, and there is no hint of resenting, or even being annoyed by Israel, in her demeanor at all. She seems a little generic in her treatment of him (not absolutely besotted like Jessa), but that's to be expected, since she has raised so many babies already. She seems like she's still close to her family, and despite the Josh situation, in a good place. 

Derick, however, is concerning, and you can definitely see the dark path he is about to go down. He looks AWFUL, especially his skin. He is sallow, like he has jaundice! His jaw is also visibly odd, and he doesn't move it right when he talks. He immediately mentions the surgery, and how hard the recovery has been. Almost everything he says references the surgery in some way,  like when they're eating and he says he needs to gain weight. He is starting to get short with Jill, but at this point, she seems too unaware to notice. I STRONGLY believe that if he had continued going to an 8-hour job every day, he would have been able to stand Jill more, and a lot of their issues would not be there. Of course, Jill is a barnacle, but he could have set boundaries...plus it would just naturally be harder to drive to walmart all the time with an infant. I think that if Derick had continued a corporate job, and maybe even laid down some boundaries, Jill could have been happy as a SAHM with Israel. She seems happy enough in general that she probably could have adjusted to a normal housewife life at this point, as she hasn't had any trauma from danger America. 

Derick seems like he is at the beginning of husband long, dark journey, that he unfortunately took Jill on. Looking back, I truly believe the state of their marriage now is totally his fault. He got the surgery and then couldn't regulate his behavior and act normal. Obviously something went really wrong. REALLY wrong!!! He should have been looking into that instead of starting his slow decline. He hasn't gotten to the point where he's super snippy or annoyed with Jill, but he's starting to take small jabs. 

It just seems like any fool could see from a mile away that this was the worst time ever to go to danger america!!! Israel was TINY. I had forgotten how little he was. Besides that, Derick was clearly weak, underweight, and having emotional problems. He seems idealistic about the mission field, like he thinks it will be easy and fun. Plus, Jill seemed happy where she was. Why ruin a good thing for her, and exacerbate a bad time for him? I was nervous to drive to the beach three days after I got my wisdom teeth out. I can't imagine recovering from a major surgery and moving to another country, and taking a job where you have to be hands on and energetic!

At this pivotal point in their marriage, it does NOT seem likethe time to test it!!! They needed a steady routine and some monotony for a while. I strongly believe they could be a happy family now if they had never left. 

Not to mention Joshgate! The sisters were so close at this point. Derick may have thought he was getting her away from the drama, but he was also taking her away from her support system. 

I just want to reach into the screen and tell these young people, "don't do it!!!" Derick maybe would have been kind of unhappy to curb his wanderlust, but he could have reasoned that he had time in Nepal to do that. If he had focused on getting better, while having regular time away from Jill, he would have been happier. Jill would have remained happier by not having her life uprooted. It is such a shame!

ETA: everyone else seems just the same as they are now! It is SO WEIRD that Derick and Jill stand out as being completely different, while everyone else is just the same. It blows my mind that I watched this originally and wasn't drastically concerned for Jill and Derick. Their segments to today's viewer are a constant red flag!

ETA 2.0: Derick was just talking to Bin, and his speech pattern was NOT normal! He looks like he is in horrific pain! He's sallow, skeletal, and his mouth...like...doesn't move. At all! He seems like he is trying to blend in and hide his pain, but he says the fewest words possible because he's hurting. Like if he was saying, "I would normally get this item at Food Lion, but I want to go to Walmart because we could also pick up clothes hangers," he would say, "let's do Walmart...because..." (big grimace) "clothes hangers! Too." I feel awful for him, and I don't think viewers knew him well enough to know how abnormal this was, but it still sticks out as being so concerning. He really seems like a grandpa with obvious health problems compared to Jessa, bin, and Jill. How were we not all super concerned?

Edited May 4, 2019 by Christina87

[bigskygirl]

In my opinion, it takes two to make a marriage work. I think they both need to take a long hard look at themselves before we point the finger at Deredick for the whole mess. Jill wanted someone to give her the time of day. She acted like a silly teenage girl the whole time they were courting. I think if they actually were allowed to date they probably would have broken up. I remember watching the original show before Joshgate number one hit the fan. They did not seem to be comfortable when they first got married. Their scenes were painful to watch. Jill got pregnant too fast, and I think Deredick was not ready for instant fatherhood. Jill also also too clingy at first and cannot to be alone for five minutes. Deredick should have seen the writing on the wall when they first started courting. Jill acted like she was so special because she was the first daughter to get married and get pregnant so fast. Neither one of them were ready for marriage and/or instant parenthood. They both have a bad case of buyer beware.

[Christina87]

22 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

In my opinion, it takes two to make a marriage work. I think they both need to take a long hard look at themselves before we point the finger at Deredick for the whole mess. Jill wanted someone to give her the time of day. She acted like a silly teenage girl the whole time they were courting. I think if they actually were allowed to date they probably would have broken up. I remember watching the original show before Joshgate number one hit the fan. They did not seem to be comfortable when they first got married. Their scenes were painful to watch. Jill got pregnant too fast, and I think Deredick was not ready for instant fatherhood. Jill also also too clingy at first and cannot to be alone for five minutes. Deredick should have seen the writing on the wall when they first started courting. Jill acted like she was so special because she was the first daughter to get married and get pregnant so fast. Neither one of them were ready for marriage and/or instant parenthood. They both have a bad case of buyer beware.

Oh, I completely agree with this too! They should absolutely not have gotten married, and their whole "courtship" model is garbage. I do think, however, their happiness could have been salvaged at this point, after the wedding had already happened, if Derick had done a few things differently. Setting a few boundaries with Jill in a gentle way would have gone a long way towards his happiness, as well as getting to the bottom of this clearly botched surgery. It's like he allowed the surgery to bring out the worst parts of his personality. Plus, it was his choice to test the rocky marriage by going to Danger America. Jill's not perfect, and never should have entered the marriage, but idk what she could have done at this point that would have made them happier today. Backing off and stopping being clingy never would have occurred to her, so I kind of put that on Derick. I think if your spouse is driving you crazy, you should at least bring it up instead of taking jabs at them and becoming an asshole. It wasn't Jill's choice that he acted out from his surgery, or her choice to go to danger America. At this point in the marriage, she was being a good mother to Israel and trying to be a good wife to Derick. She was going about the marriage as they agreed it would be in their courtship (which I agree was total BS). She was happy, and taking care of the baby while being nice to Derick, and expecting him to support them. She didn't seem insecure like she does now.  I definitely think Derick had a lot of good traits in Jill to work with there, if he'd wanted to salvage the marriage and stay happy! Instead, he made the worst possible choices, IMO for selfish reasons, without considering Jill that much. That's why I really blame him. IMO, jill's shortcomings were run of the mill shortcomings that plenty of people work through every day, while Derick's were extreme, and he was also making bad decisions. But yeah, they both should be held accountable for marrying in the first place. 

Edited May 4, 2019 by Christina87

[bigskygirl]

We have no clue on how Jill treats Deredick. She does not seem to be the type of person who is easy to get along with. I would not be surprise if she takes jabs at him also. He could have sat down with her and tell her she is way too clingy, and she probably would start crying and say she will try to be better. I do not think she was being a good mother to Izzy at the beginning. In some ways she reminds me of Michelle. Give birth to the child, use the child to make herself look good, and hand the kid over to someone else because being a mother is such hard work. I would not be surprise if they both blame Izzy because either one of them were ready for parenthood. She was whining about having to take care of Izzy when they were in Danger America. She loves the attention, but she does not want to share the attention with her children.

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, bigskygirl said:

No I mean home insurance. We had to get it when we got our loan with the credit union for our house. We were also looking for a new manufactured home on a piece of land, and part of the payments would have included monthly insurance premiums and property taxes. I would love to have an extra bedroom, more updated kitchen and another bathroom, but it is out of our price range right now.

Oh okay.  Whenever we have had a mortgage they have required homeowners insurance I guess to protect their investment.  We have it anyway.

[Christina87]

51 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

We have no clue on how Jill treats Deredick. She does not seem to be the type of person who is easy to get along with. I would not be surprise if she takes jabs at him also. He could have sat down with her and tell her she is way too clingy, and she probably would start crying and say she will try to be better. I do not think she was being a good mother to Izzy at the beginning. In some ways she reminds me of Michelle. Give birth to the child, use the child to make herself look good, and hand the kid over to someone else because being a mother is such hard work. I would not be surprise if they both blame Izzy because either one of them were ready for parenthood. She was whining about having to take care of Izzy when they were in Danger America. She loves the attention, but she does not want to share the attention with her children.

Well, I didn't really post this to get into a debate about whose fault the problems in marriage stem from. The statement I originally made about it being 100% Derick's fault wasn't something I put a huge amount of thought into; I just think a lot of their issues stemmed from the obvious pain he was in during his surgery (which he was not handling in a constructive way), and the decision to move that fragile marriage to danger America. Both of those things ARE his fault. But I wouldn't say the bad marriage is 100% his fault. Obviously Jill has her shortcomings, BUT I would say she probably has good intentions. Derick seems like the one actively destroying the marriage IMO.

The point I wanted to get across in my post was how incredibly shocking it was to watch that episode. Jessa, Bin, Jinger, Joy, and everyone else seemed like slightly less evolved versions of themselves today. Derick and Jill seemed incredibly different, in a way that stood out with tons of red flags! That was why I made the post, not to argue over whose fault the issues are. I do think Derick has made some huge mistakes, and they come from a bad place, but the difference in them was shocking. 

Jill seemed happy and content with life at that point. She didn't seem to resent izzy, and seemed to be trying to be a good mother and wife. Now, she is really insecure, especially around Derick. Back then, there was no #besthubbyever #hesgonnaleaveme vibe. Maybe there should have been. Maybe she was ignorant to not pick up on his unhappiness. Maybe she wasn't as helpful with his post-surgery needs as she should have been. But she also was raising an infant, and Derick didn't seem to help her at all. She had her hands full! She seemed like a happy person who had been through a huge life change, and thus was a little vulnerable. Going to DA and experiencing trauma (whether the danger was legit or not) with a baby in her care was clearly not going to help her at that point. I really believe if she had had a few years home with izzy, she would have had a chance to be a lot happier than she is now. Even with her disposition, which does not lend itself to being a caring parent, I think things would have been way better for her without the huge changes and trauma she experienced. Maybe she would still be impatient and tone deaf with Israel, but there was no trace of it before she left for DA. My theory has always been that Izzy represents a time of upheaval and scariness in her life. If she could have stayed with her support system, things could have turned out differently. 

Derick, however, seemed to be gong down a dark path. He could barely talk, and seemed constantly in pain. I don't begrudge him this, but I wonder what he did to help himself. If the doctor screwed up that much, he needed to get help and get to the bottom of the problem. If he didn't follow post op directions, well, that's on him. Either way, he clearly had issues to sort out before he moved to another country with his new wife and infant, while likely still very weak and in pain. Also, it's hard to be your best self while constantly in pain. Jill didn't seem any different at the beginning of counting on, to me, than she did on 19 kids. Derick seemed vastly changed and in a bad way! He grimaced just opening his mouth. It seems like when you have such dire health complications, you have a newborn, and you're simultaneously realizing your new wife is kind of dim (which honestly I can't fault Jill for, and Derick should have realized that pre-marriage), moving to DA and taking on an active job alongside your spouse, as opposed to a desk job, is clearly not the right move. It seems to me that the logical move would have been to:

1. Do whatever it takes to not lose your health insurance, even if that means taking another corporate job if Walmart is not working out. 

2. Get to the bottom of this surgery and get it corrected. Clearly it did not work right. 

3. Wait to make major changes, like moving, until #2 is complete. Focus on health and earning and income. 

4. After you are feeling better and have less pain / more energy, reevaluate how your young marriage is going. Maybe it's best for now to be away at work for 8 hours. Not every couple does great together 24/7, and it's honestly  okay. I don't think I could be with anyone 24/7. I need some time away from anyone during the day. Just realize that with the mission work, you will be together a LOT, and reevaluate whether that is really healthy for you. 

I just see a lot more that Derick could have done to correct the trajectory of this sinking ship than Jill, but honestly I didn't make this post to assign blame. I just was horrified at what I noticed. It was obviously a pivotal point where Jill was still happy (and she's clearly not anymore), and Derick alone was dangling on the precipice of unhappiness, darkness, and and pain. Since Derick is the headship, and makes the decisions, I do question those decisions, as they seemed clearly wrong for the family at that time. Who knows? Maybe they would have been good choices right after marriage, but not a year later. I definitely think that's possible. But Derick refused to alter his life plan for the sake of his family, and it's sad to watch things unravel. I think if they had stayed here, they would have a CHANCE of being happy today, though we obviously can't know for sure. 

[3 is enough]

In hindsight, I wonder if Joshgate threw Derick for such a loop that he just had to get away from all things Duggar and that is why they went to Danger America?  I do not believe for a second that he knew about it before he married Jill.  

I may have the time frame wrong, but didn't they leave shortly after the scandal broke?  

Aside from his health issues, maybe he was really upset by Jill's willingness to downplay what she went through and forgive her brother so easily.  He may have been furious with Jim Bob too.  

[ginger90]

Someone asked Jill why her family didn’t go to Big Sandy. The reply:

jillmdillard  Derick is in the middle of law school finals. But several of my siblings and parents went! 🙂

[bigskygirl]

The best thing for the both of them was not to get married in the first place. In the case of Deredick's surgery, I bet he was not following instructions especially moving away to another country soon after surgery. I remember my idiot in-laws wanting my husband to visit them almost three months after his transplant because they were too lazy and selfish to see him. He was the one who had a life threatening illness, went through three years of dialysis before getting a new kidney and expected him to put his new kidney at risk of rejection by traveling to a small town with a crappy hospital because they could not be bothered to travel to see him. In a lot of ways, the Duggars remind me of my in-laws.

The damage has been done. Jill knew he wanted to do ministry work and go to another country especially since she visited him in another country when he ask her if she wanted to court him. She was in teenage mind I have a guy paying attention to me mode not to see the whole picture. I also do not think Deredick was too happy Jill got pregnant so fast either. I think that was the first straw that broke the marriage back.

[ginger90]

I personally would have taken the boys, for the same reason Jill didn’t.

Edited May 4, 2019 by ginger90

[BitterApple]

1 minute ago, ginger90 said:

I personally would have taken the boys, for the same reason Jill didn’t.

I was just thinking the same. The boys would have a fun time with their extended family, Jill could get out of the freaking house for once and Derick would have plenty of peace and quiet to study. It's like whatever the common sense choice is, Jill does the exact opposite. 

[Christina87]

2 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

The best thing for the both of them was not to get married in the first place. In the case of Deredick's surgery, I bet he was not following instructions especially moving away to another country soon after surgery. I remember my idiot in-laws wanting my husband to visit them almost three months after his transplant because they were too lazy and selfish to see him. He was the one who had a life threatening illness, went through three years of dialysis before getting a new kidney and expected him to put his new kidney at risk of rejection by traveling to a small town with a crappy hospital because they could not be bothered to travel to see him. In a lot of ways, the Duggars remind me of my in-laws.

The damage has been done. Jill knew he wanted to do ministry work and go to another country especially since she visited him in another country when he ask her if she wanted to court him. She was in teenage mind I have a guy paying attention to me mode not to see the whole picture. I also do not think Deredick was too happy Jill got pregnant so fast either. I think that was the first straw that broke the marriage back.

Oh, I definitely don't disagree with a word of this! It's just crazy to watch that one moment in time. I was thinking, "it'll be interesting to see Derick and Jill when their marriage was working!" but I was surprised to see that while viewers thought they were happy at the time, they were starting to show some of the signs of the issues we see today. In that brief, frozen moment in time, not knowing what comes after, it seemed like they were at a make or break moment, where staying here could have drastically changed everything. In that moment, we didn't know how DA would go (like I completely agree that Jill was lazy concerning Izzy in DA, complaining about taking care of him and wishing she could drop him off at the TTH). However, with Derick's pain issues and the annoyance with Jill that was starting to pop up, it didn't seem like the best time to go from a desk job with insurance to an active, out of country job where he would be with Jill all day. Also, the stress on her to care for Israel in a "dangerous" place (whether it really was dangerous or not is irrelevant) should have been considered. I could definitely see Jill being a better mom if she hadn't been forced to deal with all those big changes at once, after living such an insular life before. It was just striking to see this point in time, since we know things didn't go well for them, but it didn't SEEM too late to turn the ship around at that point. 

[Sew Sumi]

Danger America announcement was made on camera during The Lost Season. So, it was planned well ahead of Joshgate. They didn't "escape" to DA on a whim. What I never understood was the timing of Derelict's oral surgery. It was planned for two weeks after Jill gave birth. But Izzy was late, and the surgery ended up happening when Izzy was four days old. Talk about bad decision making!

Edited May 4, 2019 by Sew Sumi

[bigskygirl]

8 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Danger America announcement was made on camera during The Lost Season. So, it was planned well ahead of Joshgate. What I never understood was the timing of Derelict's oral surgery. It was planned for two weeks after Jill gave birth. But Izzy was late, and the surgery ended up happening when Izzy was four days old. Talk about bad decision making!

Exactly! I remembered being stressed and burned nine months before my husband's transplant. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, and we told any minute my husband would be getting a new kidney. My doctor, my husband's kidney specialist, dialysis staff, and even the hospital chaplain were worried about me, The kidney specialist came right out and ask if I would be okay if he went to Seattle, and I said no. My husband went off the transplant list for a few months until I started feeling better.

I wonder if Deredick's walmart insurance was being cancelled which lead to the timing of his surgery.

[Sew Sumi]

He would have been on spousal maternity leave, so still on Wally World's insurance. They didn't leave for DA until Izzy was four months old. Obviously, Derelict never returned to Walmart after his leave expired.

Edited May 4, 2019 by Sew Sumi

[bigskygirl]

5 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

He would have been on spousal maternity leave, so still on Wally World's insurance. They didn't leave for or DA until Izzy was four months old.

I cannot believe I am defending Jill and Deredick a little, but there have been people with young babies who move because of a job, military transfers, school, etc. etc. and manage to survive. My family had a wait a few extra weeks to move to East Helena/Helena because I needed extra time after being hit by a car a few months before we finally moved. I think my dad and my doctor(s) wanted to make sure I was okay to travel. I was four years old at the time, but I bet it was still a little hard for my parents because of my kidney operation and making sure my left kidney was okay.

[bythelake]

43 minutes ago, 3 is enough said:

In hindsight, I wonder if Joshgate threw Derick for such a loop that he just had to get away from all things Duggar and that is why they went to Danger America?  I do not believe for a second that he knew about it before he married Jill.  

I may have the time frame wrong, but didn't they leave shortly after the scandal broke?  

Aside from his health issues, maybe he was really upset by Jill's willingness to downplay what she went through and forgive her brother so easily.  He may have been furious with Jim Bob too.  

When the girls were interviewed by Megan Kelly, Jill was inconsolable. I do think it affected her terribly, but she was told to suppress it and forgive Josh. She carried that into her marriage and Derick didn’t know how to handle it.

[DangerousMinds]

Jill sold herself to Derick (or JB did) as a midwife who had a desire to do missionary work. She knew Derick wanted to be a missionary and shouldn't have been surprised that he moved them to DA, IMO.

[bythelake]

I think Derick is only happy when he’s doing something for himself. He was happy in Nepal, doing his interpretive dancing in DA, going on missionacations with Cross Church, and (maybe) now in law school. Derick decides, Jill follows.

In between, he flooded the internet with his Proverb and Jazz tweets that cost them their appearances on TLC.

Whether it’s because of his teeth, or other health issues, he seems to barely tolerate Jill and the boys. And, she tries so hard to convince the world that she’s happy with her #besthubbyever hashtags.

I think they both are to blame and neither one knows what to do about it. I just hope they don’t add another baby to the mix.

[Sew Sumi]

27 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

I cannot believe I am defending Jill and Deredick a little, but there have been people with young babies who move because of a job, military transfers, school, etc. etc. and manage to survive. My family had a wait a few extra weeks to move to East Helena/Helena because I needed extra time after being hit by a car a few months before we finally moved. I think my dad and my doctor(s) wanted to make sure I was okay to travel. I was four years old at the time, but I bet it was still a little hard for my parents because of my kidney operation and making sure my left kidney was okay.

They were well past spousal maternity leave when they left for DA. He used up his leave then systematically quit. He may have missed one paycheck. 

[fonfereksglen]

You all bring up excellent insights about their marriage and the possible difficulties they may be having.  I will always blame the Perv and his idiot parents for the damage to Jill and her inability to just stop trying so hard. It must be very hard on Durwood and the little boys.

[bigskygirl]

1 hour ago, ginger90 said:

I personally would have taken the boys, for the same reason Jill didn’t.

She probably was worried a heathen hussy would have hit on Deredick. A teenage girl could have been mowing the lawn in a skimpy outfit and tempt Durwood to leave Jill and the boys.

[BrianJ1962]

3 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

She probably was worried a heathen hussy would have hit on Deredick. A teenage girl could have been mowing the lawn in a skimpy outfit and tempt Durwood to leave Jill and the boys.

Or a Catholic school girl in her uniform

[bigskygirl]

3 minutes ago, BrianJ1962 said:

Or a Catholic school girl in her uniform

Wearing her Catholic school uniform while mowing the lawn.